Someone Like You
by The Walrus and the Carpenter
Summary: Broken and abused, Bella moves from Australia to the U.S.A. to live with her Uncle. Once there she enters a war-zone between her cousin, Jacob, and arrogant, hot-headed Edward Cullen. While Bella immediately affects Edward's life, she is determined to keep him out of hers, before finding herself depending on him to get her through the ghosts of her past. AH/AU. Humour added.
1. Flying Home

**A/N: Yeah, it was yanked again. I suspect it was the work of a drama craven lichen, but I don't really know, so here we are again.**

**Just a quick recap: Bella's Australian; she talks like a regular Australian girl would. So please don't PM me or review telling me that it's not how Australians speak and that I have terrible spelling. Yes, I have been told this before. Made me doubt that I was really born in "straya" ;)  
I didn't want Bella to sound like an Aussie slang dictionary spewed her out, so I made her speak exactly how I do. I can be a tad bogan—sometimes.  
Anywho 4****th**** times a charm—or is it 5****th****? Hell, I dunno….**

* * *

**Chapter 1.**

**Flying Home**

Bella's POV

We met in the stables. Being around horses was always a part of who we were, and it had always been the place where we had confessed our secrets and dreams to each other. It seemed fitting that it was the place where we would say good-bye.

It was Nummi who broke the silence, shoving her hands in the pockets of her jeans as her eyes welled with tears. "I can't believe this is really it."

I nodded glumly, smiling sadly as I met her gaze. "I know," I whispered, afraid that anything louder would unleash my tears prematurely. I couldn't cry—not yet.

There was still so much to say….

"Bloody hell …" she muttered, hastily averting her gaze from mine as she clumsily wiped her eyes.

I looked down at my feet miserably, sighing for the infinite time that morning, continuing to fight desperately to hold back the grief that was waiting to crush me.

This was the only part I had been dreading, and already I felt like I'd had half my heart ripped out. But they were half my life.

The enormity of my decision to leave was fast turning into a brutal realization.

Kel, Rach, and Nummi were the only three reasons why I was still breathing in this world; why I had lasted seventeen years. They weren't just my best mates but my family; the only family I'd ever known. I owed them more than they would ever know—more than I could ever repay.

I knew leaving them was going to be hard, but I had _seriously_ underestimated just how much.

_What the hell am I doing?_ I thought miserably as another wave of cold feet began to filter through me. I began desperately wishing I could change my mind, but I was kidding myself. They'd drag my ass on the plane kicking and screaming if I tried to get out of this.

By the time I met Nummi's gaze again, her tears were spilling silently down her face as she smiled bravely through them.

I swallowed hard past the burning emotion and glanced hastily at Rach. I was hoping her usual apathetic—_only little bitches cry—_attitude would straighten me out, but she stood before me, her brow heavily creased, her tears obvious. Knowing Rach, I half expected her to become frustrated and swat them away, but she didn't.

When I turned to Kel, she smiled, her expression determined … but stricken.

My heart was breaking.

I loved them more than my own life, and honestly had no idea how I was supposed to leave them behind. How would I survive without them on the other side of the world? The idea was unfathomable and it filled me with a suffocating panic. I had never lived without them.

"It's gonna be ok, Bella. This is the best thing that could ever happen to you. You'll see," Kel spoke up full of encouragement, only her tone was thick with emotion. She wiped her tears away as fresh ones fell, but continued smiling through them.

I took a deep, wavering breath in and exhaled into a small, dejected smile. It was Kel that insisted I do this. It was Kel that made me see that I _had _to do it. She'd been there with me from the very beginning; she knew me inside out, and knew every sordid detail about Renee. She was going to be the hardest to say goodbye to.

I nodded, and tried to force a resigned smile to my face, but I couldn't. I honestly didn't think I could do this, and it seemed so incredibly unfair that I had to.

"Bella, you'll be having such a great time that you won't have time to get home sick. Remember how happy you were the last time you visited?" Nummi reminded me in a fractured attempt at enthusiasm.

Again I nodded, trying for the second time to force myself to smile. I failed. "I'll send you guys emails every day, and call me anytime. Don't worry about the time difference, just call…" my voice caught and dropped to a husky whisper, "just call me." I surrendered to the tears; to the burning ache in my chest.

Kel threw her arms around me before speaking to me firmly—resolutely, "Don't worry about us, Bells. Just be happy—promise me!"

I closed my eyes; the tears continued to fall beneath my lashes. "I can't do that," I whispered, as my chest jerked through the pain. "I can't."

"You _can_, Bella!" It was Rach, she wrapped her arms around me, just as Nummi did the same.

I shook my head over and over.

"They'll _love_ you, Bella, because for the first time in your life they will see who you really are, and not as just _Renee Dwyer's_ daughter. Trust me," Rach insisted, seeming to get on top of her tears; appearing annoyed by their presence.

It seemed unfathomable that anyone would ever see me as anything but Renee Dwyer's daughter; as the illegitimate daughter of the town whore and closet drunk.

"It's true, Bells," Nummi added, pressing a sloppy, tear streaked kiss on my cheek. "They'll see who we see every day."

"Oh, God—stop it," I mumbled feeling my face flush and not knowing if I was more embarrassed than I was heartbroken. I scrunched up my nose, to show how much of a contradiction it was to the truth. There wasn't anything out of the ordinary about me. I was just me, average Bella Swan.

"Oh suck it up, girl. It's gonna happen whether you like it or not!" Kel broke into a chuckle, wiping her tears quickly away before her tone teasingly feigned authority. "And if I find out you're acting like a sook over there, I'm going to get on the first plane and kick your ass!"

I broke into laughter and nodded quickly, grinning at her before the misery could assault me again.

"I love you guys." My tears held off until those words were out of my mouth, before I dropped my head into my hands and cried, completely surrendering myself to the tears, almost gratefully. They didn't overwhelm me like I'd feared and they didn't hurt as much as the ache that was weighing down my heart.

I felt their arms enclose around me more tightly. Even when I was completely inconsolable, they continued to encourage me until there were no more words left; until there was nothing but tears. All four of us held on to each other desperately—to the lives we had shared together. They were my past, my yesterday; all I had in this world. They'd kept the fragmented pieces of me together, kept me moving forward for seventeen years, and tomorrow they'd be gone.

I had to keep telling myself repeatedly why I was leaving—why I _had _to leave. Why I'd run away to Sydney when I knew The General's ship was docking, to beg him to help me get away from her. Because right at this moment _none of it_ seemed worth this amount of pain.

As I walked away I looked back only once. They stood banded together like they always did. I absorbed the image of them, cementing it in my mind, before I trudged back to Renee's, crying helplessly the entire way. I would leave a piece of myself behind with them, and the Bella that began her new life on the other side of the world would be a vastly different person because of it.

We'd given each other parting gifts; I'd packed them all, along with every scrap of evidence that I owned that would remind me of them and our lives together. Kel had given me our tenth grade class photo. I had no school photos of my own; Renee never bought them. She had told me once—in the presence of one of her deluded friends—that she was doing me a favour; that I'd hate looking back at them and seeing what _an awkward, skinny scrap of a thing_ I was. But I knew the real reason; she was never bothered enough to be interested in things like school photos like most mothers were. She was never bothered enough to be interested in _me—_with anything other than resentment, that is.

I stubbornly wiped the tears from my face that were beginning to stem from self-pity, and zipped up my suitcase. There it was, my entire life, and it fit easily into an average sized suitcase.

At eleven that morning I was boarding a train to Sydney, before flying to Los Angeles, and then on to a connecting flight to Port Angeles, Washington.

All on my own.

I tried not to allow myself to become overwhelmed by the magnitude of it, but if I was being honest with myself, and that was only a novel idea at best, it was scaring the absolute life out of me.

I was on the verge of contemplating another emotional meltdown when Renee strode in my room. Without knocking, as usual.

"Bella—"my mother had an extraordinary talent of speaking my name with absolute disdain"—Phil will be here in five minutes, and I really don't think it's necessary that I come. I mean, I have my poker game with the girls at twelve."

And that about summed it up.

I wanted to scream at her, "Of _course it's not necessary! You go to your poker game, and I'll leave the country and your life without wrinkling your fake Chanel outfit. For the love of God!_"

I was _almost_ incredulous, though I shouldn't have been surprised. There wasn't much Renee could do to surprise me anymore, but this was an exception. Her complete disregard for the fact that I was leaving hurt me more than I would ever admit. Her disregard for me had always been the biggest source of pain for me—more than the physical abuse. All I ever craved from her was her love, and all I received in return was resentment and cruelty. I knew, only too well, how close it had come to breaking me.

This was why I was leaving; why Kel _made_ me do it.

"You don't have to go, Renee, but since I am leaving the country and—" I mumbled in reply, my voice small and meek, making me want to grit my teeth in frustration.

"_Fine!_ I'll come then!" she interrupted, huffing brashly with growing irritation.

As much as I wanted to tell her to go fuck herself, my level of bravery where she was concerned bordered on cowardice at best. It always had. There was a very significant, pitiful part of me that would never stop yearning for her love and acceptance, and I knew as long as I was under her roof, I would never stop trying to earn it from her.

I hoped that one particular character defect of mine where Renee was concerned would stay behind in this dismal room of her house where I grew up, long after I left.

* * *

"I noticed you took everything, Bella. Are you sure that's necessary?" Renee asked me coolly as we sat in Phil's 4WD on the way to the train station.

Did she think I was coming back?

I shrugged to myself, my lips tugging slightly into a sly grin. "Yeah, I guess."

"Right-o," she replied, attempting to sound casual and indifferent, but I knew better.

I allowed the smug grin free rein across my face.

She was referring to all the stuff The General had sent me; the jewellery, the perfume, and the handbags. They were never things I really had a lot of interest in, but the fact that they made Renee green with envy gave me a lot of satisfaction. His gifts were one of the pivotal reasons why my very presence in her life caused her so much resentment—that and the fact that I resembled my father so much. It was one of the few small pleasures I got out of our twisted relationship, but as much as it gave me a reason to triumph over her, it was the opposite of what I really wanted from him.

The General was how I referred to my father. Of course, he wasn't really a General, but a Rear Admiral in the U.S. Navy. Eighteen years ago, Admiral Charlie Swan was a ticket in Renee's deluded and childish mind to a better life. Someone to see the beauty she was convinced she possessed, fall in love with her and take her away from the small country town that she always believed was beneath her.

I could picture it clearly in my mind just as I had hundreds of times; Renee, over dressed as usual, wearing her hideous bright orange lipstick, waiting on the docks, scrutinising each and every male that stepped off the ship. The sap who noticed her was my father. My father, who, like every other sailor stepping on to dry land, wasn't thinking much about _rescuing_ deluded Australian damsels—not that night, at least.

I scoffed to myself, aghast that Renee and I actually shared the same DNA, and in doing so attracted _Phil's_ attention.

"What was that, Izzy?" he asked, glancing at me through the rear view mirror and winking.

Another reason I had to leave. I might not have been the most experienced seventeen year old on the planet, but I knew that look all right!

_My name is not Izzy, you wanker_, I wanted to yell at him, but of course I never would. Just because it was my last day as Renee's daughter, didn't mean she wouldn't slap my _smartass _face for offending her man.

"_Bella_! My name is _Bella_!" was my angry reply, not bothering to hide the absolute aversion I felt for him from my tone.

I hated him. Out of all Renee's men, he was the worst; he made my skin crawl.

"I know," he drawled, winking again.

He only continued to smirk at me, making me wish I had a pencil to stab in his eyes.

_Just five minutes more, _I told myself inwardly and repeatedly, massaging my forehead with the tips of my fingers, knowing the letch was still leering at me.

I squeezed my eyes shut, and kept myself in denial. I was good at that.

* * *

"Well, Bella, you should be grateful that you're getting this opportunity," Renee said behind her press powder compact as we stood on the platform waiting for the train. Phil had gone to the bottle-o to pick up some alcohol for the little shindig they were throwing later that night. I had a paranoid suspicion it was a celebration for Renee having successfully gotten rid of me, and it made me want to start laughing bitterly. "What I would have given to have gone overseas at your age," she continued, her tone aloof while trying to hide her envy—unsuccessfully this time.

She was envious, all right. I had the fading bruise on my cheekbone as proof; though of course, she had told everyone in town—who were gullible enough to believe her—that I'd got it in a school fight. It was laughable at best. I didn't get into school fights, and though a few kids had a serious problem with me—usually because Renee had slept her way through most of their father's—they weren't game to touch me while Rach was around.

Shaking these thoughts from my mind, I held fast to the knowledge of her jealousy and smirked to myself. I didn't care if she noticed. Renee never hit me in full view of the public and risk her carefully crafted reputation, and there'd be no repercussions for me tonight. Not this night or any night after.

As it was, she hadn't noticed; she was distracted by angling the mirror of her compact to perv on a couple of guys that were sitting on the seats behind us. Judging from the flirtatious little grin and wink she threw, I was guessing that she'd caught their eye. They wolf-whistled back at her, and that was enough to lift her spirits considerably.

She threw me a smug, triumphant grin, obviously believing she had one over me again. I wanted to snort loudly; it was evidence enough just how well she knew me. If she ever saw me as more than the abysmal mistake—she'd never shied away from telling me I was—she'd know I had no interest what's so ever in competing with her for men.

Snapping her compact shut, she tossed her permed hair over her shoulder—for the obvious benefit of her two bogan admirers—continuing to smile to herself more than pleased.

I sighed deeply to myself beneath my breath, wishing I could erase the image of my mother flirting like a complete slag and expecting me to be jealous, during our final moments as mother and daughter.

"I expect lots of souvenirs," she said using a hint of authority in her tone.

I scoffed inwardly.

_I wouldn't hold your breath—but then maybe you should_, I muttered beneath my breath, before coughing back the impulse to laugh.

"God knows, Bella, it has not been easy being a single mother to a skulky kid like you, but I've done my best without asking for anything in return." She sniffed, dabbing at the corner of her eye with the knuckle of her little finger to wipe her non-existent tears.

I felt myself stiffen indignantly, while my mouth all but fell open.

The train arrived, much to my overwhelming relief.

I picked up my suitcase, still affected from her last admission. I'd seen her _sacrificial mother _act before on numerous occasions, and the only thing that stopped me from shoving her in front of the oncoming train was the knowledge that I'd never again have to be subjected to it.

She cleared her throat and glanced over her shoulder, searching for Phil, or her two admirers, I couldn't tell which. "Well, Bella, this is it. Don't be late for the plane. I _won't_ be coming all the way to Sydney to get you if you miss it."

I only blinked, feeling the continued stinging effects of her disregard, before I again entertained the thought of shoving her in front of the train. I suddenly smirked, almost chuckling, as I imagined her sprawled on the tracks a mess of dyed red hair and thigh-high, vinyl boots.

"Stop smiling, _Bella_. I'm serious!" she snapped impatiently, and I almost impulsively flinched away from the slap she would normally have delivered if we were at home.

"I won't, you can be assured of it," I replied quietly with conviction as I swallowed stubbornly past the burning that was beginning to form in the back of my throat. I wasn't sure whether it was a product of her last cutting remark, or because I was about to step on the train and leave. All I knew for certain was how pathetically pitiful I was that I would never be able to shrug off her indifference for me.

"Well, okay, goodbye then." Her tone was cool and apathetic, before she leaned in quickly and air-kissed my cheek.

Perhaps she really meant to kiss my face and only didn't because of the fact that again, by instinct, I'd flinched away from her. I wasn't sure, but my hand rose involuntarily to cover the spot where her lips had almost touched my skin. I was pretty sure it was the first time she'd ever attempted to kiss me.

I felt myself tense then almost physically waver before I quickly and impatiently shoved it away.

"Good luck, Renee, and with Phil also. You two deserve each other." It was my _intention _to sound sincere, but I was suddenly feeling pissed off. Pissed off at this poor excuse for a mother before me, and her poor excuse for a goodbye.

She glared at me, her eyes narrowing and turning hard. She'd caught the real meaning behind my words, that was obvious enough.

"Thank you," she replied curtly, nodding her head once.

And that was it.

I stepped on to the train, lugging my suitcase behind me, and found a seat facing the opposite side of the platform. I sat down clumsily, before dropping my head into my hands just as I broke into bitter, pitiful tears. Let the passengers think I was crying because I was leaving my mother. Let them think we were close the way mothers and daughters were supposed to be. Let them think I was going to be homesick every minute that I was away. Because the idea that complete strangers were mistaking my tears was a league better than the reality. My mother never loved me, and in all honesty, could care less that I was leaving.

* * *

It took me a lot longer than it really should have to recover from our farewell, but I had nothing else to do on the five hour trip to Sydney but wallow in self-pity, and allow myself to be consumed by panic.

What if it made no difference? What if I would always be known as Renee Dwyer's daughter no matter where I was in this world?

After a while, and several tissues from the well-meaning old lady in the seat opposite me, I snapped myself angrily out of it.

I was leaving this God forsaken, drought ridden, one horse town, _and _Renee and Phil, and starting a new life. I should have been happy—excited, but I wasn't. I sat engulfed by fear, desperately wishing the girls were with me.

I knew I was doing the right thing. I couldn't survive another week as things were. I was suffocating, and the oxygen that Nummi, Kel and Rach had given me with their friendship had kept me just on the brink of life. I was existing, but I was dying. Dying the way a flower does when it gets no sun; dying because I had lived under the toxic roof of an alcoholic, abusive parent who had never shown me an ounce of love.

If it wasn't for the girls in the end, I would never have found the backbone to contemplate such a thing. But they had given me the courage to confront my father and plead with him to take me away, anywhere, so long as it was far from my mother. I'd sat on a train in near identical circumstances that time too, terrified beyond belief as I ran away to Sydney to see him.

I scoffed bitterly to myself, knowing I hadn't technically run away, because the term '_running away'_, would only apply if one was missed. Renee wouldn't have noticed I was gone, especially while her cupboards were well stocked with vodka.

My father's ship had only docked in Sydney overnight for fuel—or whatever it was that aircraft carriers needed to dock for. I'd almost bloody missed it. I'd run three blocks and explained, flushed and over excited to the naval guard that I was Rear Admiral, Charlie Swan's daughter and that I needed to speak to him urgently. I'd tried to remain calm, but still, he had eyed me sceptically, asking me to provide identification. I'd fumbled for my wallet, practically upending the contents of my purse on the pavement in my haste to get my driver's licence out. I handed it to him, and he studied it, still dubious as he eyed me, the photo on the card, then me, then the photo, over and over.

I was on the verge of having a hysteria-induced stroke, when he finally spoke something into his earpiece and led me on board.

I was left in a small cabin to wait for my father, and as soon as he entered, with a concerned, weary look shining in his eyes, I broke down and threw myself into his arms. He was always very serious and intimidating with all the authority that oozed from him, but he was my father, and I knew he loved me. His first love was the sea, but I was a close second.

I had explained it all to him, every wretched detail that was my life with Renee, the abuse; the beatings; the alcohol—all of it. I was careful to stay composed and coherent knowing him enough to understand that hysterical female ramblings made him uncomfortable and impatient. After all, I'd seen it fail for Renee plenty of times in the past where he was concerned.

"Please, Charlie, I can't stay with her any longer, I can't!" I'd broken down at the end, but by the time I'd finished my story, I didn't think he'd begrudge me a few tears.

He sighed deeply and scratched his forehead, where the weary lines were etching deeper. "Okay, Isabella—"he was the only one that called me that, and it was always okay with me"—I'll take care of it. Leave it with me."

And he did. He'd arranged for me to go and live with his brother in Washington, U.S.A.

The train jolted and I realised as Charlie's face was still clear in my mind that I was smiling sadly. I barely got to see my father once a year, and I missed him.

I always suspected he had wanted me in the U.S. away from Renee. When I was little, he talked her into letting me come for a holiday—with a great amount of cash, I might add. I'd had such a great time—you would have been surprised by the difference a bit of love could make in a kid—that once I was home my constant chirpy mood and nonstop chatter had pissed off Renee so much she forbade all future holidays. Though, I suspected she was never going to let me go back out of nothing but spite and envy.

I was almost certain that if Renee wasn't receiving her rather sizable child maintenance from Charlie every month, she would have given up custody of me to him years ago. As it was now that I was seventeen, she was no longer receiving a penny, and all his _child maintenance _was now going into my bank account.

I snorted softly to myself and smirked, enjoying the perverse feeling it gave me. I'd received more beatings than I could count by Renee demanding the money he'd given me. I never relented, always insisting that he wasn't sending me a cent. Eventually, after she'd claimed Youth Allowance on my behalf—keeping all of it—she stopped beating me for The General's money.

It was completely twisted, but the only thing that kept me from throwing up, was keeping Renee constantly in my thoughts, and by the time the train arrived at the Sydney international airport, I was emotionally and physically exhausted. Add to that another three hours in the airport, and fifteen hours in the air, and by the time I arrived in Los Angeles, I was dead on my feet.

I wasn't able to sleep on the plane. By the time it took off, I was all adrenalin and nerves. Plus, fifteen hours was too long a time to contemplate the ludicrous idea that huge, metal, man-made contraptions really had no business thousands of feet in the air. After that, every little bump that the plane made caused me to have a series of minor strokes. Trying to console myself with the fact that a Qantas plane had never gone down did nothing to ease my fears; because with my luck, I reasoned, the first time it did would be when I was on board.

The plane did not go down in flames; it brought me safely to the next part of my destination, and to the United States.

Once I got through the ordeal of customs, I stumbled over to a row of chairs, let my suitcase drop to my feet, and collapsed in a heap of unwashed hair and exhaustion. I had two and a half hours before the plane to Washington took off, but if I was able to pull myself up out of this chair again, it'd be a miracle.

I just sat numbly, too exhausted and too daunted to attempt to sleep, watching the planes come and go dejectedly, when a tall shadow fell over me.

"Bella? Is that you?"

I practically jumped out of my skin. Looking up hastily, I squinted, trying to refocus my eyes. A tall—_very tall—_boy was standing in front of me grinning broadly with an over-emphasized, bright expression on his face.

"H-huh?" I stammered blankly in response.

"It's me…." He let his voice trail off and paused, allowing me the time to recognise him. When it was clear I didn't, he enlightened me, "Jacob!"

As my expression slowly went from bewilderment to recognition, before finally to shock, he laughed.

My memories of Jacob were vague and hazy. The only time I had met him, was during my one and only trip to the United States with Charlie. I was eight and he was seven.

I sat myself upright in the chair with a start. "Oh … w-what are you doing here? Wasn't I suppose to meet you and Unc—your dad in Washington?" I stuttered, shaking my head to myself, trying to establish some form of coherent thought.

"_Your _dad bought me a ticket to meet you here and to fly home again with you. I think he was worried about you being in this airport." His smile broadened—if that was even possible—before he looked around himself in obvious appreciation. "It's huge, that's for sure."

All I could manage in reply was an exhausted half smile, before expelling my breath with overwhelming relief. I was tired of being alone and was plagued with exhaustion driven despondency. Plus, Jacob would more than likely come in handy when it came time to fireman lift me onto the plane.

He laughed again. "I think you need a coffee. There's a Starbucks around the corner, do you want to grab one?"

"A … a Starbucks?" I repeated blankly, before feeling a surge of self-conscious heat flush my face. Obviously it was a coffee shop. What the hell difference did it matter what the name of it was? I _seriously_ needed caffeine!

"Yeah … you haven't heard of … Starbucks?" Jacob asked, raising an eyebrow and looking like he was on the verge of breaking into laughter again.

"Well … I've heard of it. I've seen it on television ..." I mumbled in reply as my cheeks burned hotter. It was a lie.

Jacob only laughed as though I'd just told him a ridiculously funny joke.

"Come on," he said with a grin, his tone turning warm, before reaching down and pulling me a little roughly to my feet. He then grabbed my suitcase, hauling it three feet off the ground in his grip—as though it contained feathers instead of my entire worldly possessions.

_He's the bloody hulk and he has no clue of it,_ I thought with a small smile as I walked—if that's what you could call it—with Jacob towards the cafe. I relied on his steadying arm more than my own feet as I tripped and stumbled my way through the crowds of people toward the cafe.

"Wow, you really need sleep, huh?" Jacob chuckled, after his numerous efforts at keeping me upright were still failing.

I gazed up at him, taking in his massive form. He was at least six feet four, olive skinned with bright, warm, dark chocolate eyes that were constantly crinkled at the edges. His grin had not waned.

"That I do," I answered, not bothering to tell him that my coordination ran into the negative and falling down was a regular part of who I was. He'd find that out soon enough on his own. I returned his smile, sheepishly.

The extra strong coffee that I ordered, and almost choked on, gave me an immediate, and badly needed, burst of energy. I found myself laughing and chatting easily with Jacob until the final minutes before we had to board the plane. I warmed instantly to him—it was almost impossible not to; he practically radiated the sun. As we went through several hot coffees, he told me a lot about Forks. It seemed like a nice place, small town, probably not unlike the one I'd just left, but with a hell of a lot more rain, _and _with the huge exception of no Renee.

And no Nummi, Rach and Kel….

* * *

"It's a couple of hours till we reach Port Angeles, you should try and sleep," Jacob suggested once we were seated and waiting for the plane to take off.

"I can't sleep on planes, but I'll be ok," I replied rubbing my itchy, heavy eyes in attempt to improve my blurred vision. I might not have been able to sleep, but that wasn't to say I wouldn't fall unconscious. I feared I wasn't going to last much longer.

Jacob only laughed again, warmly.

He seemed to get amused very easily, I noted—not that I minded. His cheerfulness was contagious and refreshing, and I was able to absorb it as a distraction from my exhaustion, and before I was aware of it, in the late afternoon, we landed in Washington.

"So, Bella, I hope you've got a warmer coat than the one you've got on, or you're going to freeze," Jacob stated, leaning toward me a fraction, his lips tugging askew, as we waited for the seat belt sign to switch off.

What I was wearing was hardly a coat; it was more of a light jacket. But in my ignorance I was sure it would be sufficient enough for rainy weather. After all, when it rained in one-horse-town, New South Wales—which wasn't often—the humidity went through the roof.

I shook my head blankly, while my face prickled again self-consciously. "This is all I have…."

He chuckled, shaking his head to himself. "You'd better buy a decent one when we get into the airport."

Uncle Billy, Jacob's father, was waiting as we stepped off the plane. I recognised him immediately from his obvious resemblance to The General, as well as from my vague childhood memories—minus the greying tips of his dark hair.

He grabbed me in a big bear hug, something that was very foreign to me, and I fought hard to keep myself from tensing. The General had too much of a stiff upper lip, and I'd learnt to avoid Renee's _men _like the plague when I was very young.

"Bella, you've grown so much, I hardly recognised you," he said with a gruff affection.

_Sergeant_ Billy Swan was a tall man like Jacob and my father, with a kind, weather worn, stern looking face. And just as he resembled my father, he emanated as much authority.

He placed a protective fatherly hand on my back as we walked, guiding me to the baggage area.

Again, Jacob grabbed my suitcase with ridiculous ease and we went in search of a clothing store.

I bought a coat, a parka, several wool jumpers, two beanies and mittens—everything that Billy suggested—and once we were out of the store Jacob laughingly helped me to put half of them on. He pulled layer after layer over my head as I laughed in good nature, but still, as soon as we walked outside the cold hit me like a freight train.

"Holy sh-sh-sh-shit!" I exclaimed impulsively, reeling backwards from the suffocating pain of the ice cold air filling my lungs. It was March; not a day ago I was breathing in the dry, thirty-six (96.8 F) degree heat of inland New South Wales.

Billy cleared his throat, his expression puckering a little disapprovingly.

I felt my cheeks stain with heat—that disappeared instantly in the freezing temperature. "S-Sorry," I murmured, with chattering teeth, wrapping my arms around myself in a vain attempt to stay warm.

"It's ok, Bella," Jacob reassured me, flashing me a mischievous grin.

I attempted to grin back, but it came out as a grimace, which Jacob seemed to find more amusing.

This kind of cold was something I had never experienced before in my life. It was paralysing, penetrating through my layers of clothes and seeping through my skin. My lungs burned and my limbs locked up as I attempted to walk the one hundred or so metres to Uncle Billy's car.

Eventually, with continued laughter, Jacob half dragged, half carried me the distance.

Once inside the car I relaxed and let the warmth from the heating thaw out my frozen limbs, as I gazed out the window at my new surroundings from the back seat of Billy's Police car.

To say that Washington was green was a massive understatement. It was so green that even the air seemed to be tinged with it. It rained from the moment we'd touched down, and would pour on and off in a way that I had not seen for years. But I loved it. It gave me a cosy, sleepy feeling and was so foreign from everything I had ever known.

Which was exactly what I was depending on.

After a while, the scenery outside began to blur together into different tones of green as my eyes fell heavily. I listened to the comforting sound of Jacob's animated chatter in the background, and allowed the humming of the car to lull me to sleep.

* * *

"We're home, Bella!" Jacob's voice invaded my near unconscious mind loudly. He nudged me roughly awake, but it was the ice cold wind that swept through the opened car door that snapped me fully awake. A violent shudder ran up and down my spine, as I all but stuttered out a barrage of shock-induced expletives.

_Bloody hell_!

Would I ever get accustomed to this cold?

I quickly surveyed the surroundings in my haste to get inside, out of the freezing elements. Billy's house was a cute, two-storey home, with white timber cladding, situated by itself in a small street where the bush practically rose up to meet it. Inside, the house was small and cosy. There was a fireplace that was smouldering and warming the rooms. I gazed around, happy with the look of it, just as Jacob came to stand beside me, plonking my suitcase on the ground with a heavy thud.

"So? What do you think, Bella?" he asked with enthusiasm.

I nodded, smiling sincerely. "I love it, Jacob."

I did. After all, it was going to be my first ever _real_ home.

Billy directed me to the room that was at the top of the stairs, as Jacob followed with my suitcase. It had previously belonged to his twin daughters, who I vaguely remembered, as Billy explained their whereabouts. One was away at University while the other had just recently married.

I shuddered at the very idea of it. Jacob, obviously catching my meaning, nodded in silent agreement.

I walked into the room, looking around to appraise it. It was all purple and girly with several posters of teenage boys that I was unfamiliar with. I found myself smiling before I was aware of my reaction to it. It didn't matter what it looked like; I would never find fault with it.

Billy remained in the doorway. "You're going to have to share a bathroom with Jake, if that's okay, Bella? It's just down the hall."

"No, that's fine, U-Uncle … Billy," I stammered, feeling stupid and uncertain by how I should address him.

He chuckled warmly. "You don't have to call me 'uncle', Bella. Billy will do just fine."

I nodded and smiled at him warmly as my throat began to choke with sudden emotion. I blinked, pushing it back, associating it with my incredible exhaustion and knowing I wasn't anywhere near the right frame of mind at that moment to delve deeper into it.

Billy cleared his throat, his eyes darting away from mine, reminding me suddenly of The General. "Well, I'm sure you'd like to unpack and have a shower. We might just leave you to it then."

"Yeah … I'm buggered actually. I might just see if I can sleep for a bit," I mumbled, my voice cracking. I was so far and beyond exhausted I didn't think there was a word for it, and I was desperately craving the oblivion of sleep.

Billy nodded, offering me an affectionate smile. Then, shoving Jacob out of the way, who looked like he wanted to stay, he closed the door behind them.

I was left alone in my new room, in my new home; in my new life; with the family I barely knew, and despite my incredible exhaustion, I was beginning to feel a buzzing from a new sense of anticipation.

Releasing my breath, I dropped down on the bed and was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

* * *

**Who doesn't like flying? *raises hand*  
Thanks for reading-and lurking-though after this many reposts I'd have a nerve to ask for reviews, so I won't. *sloppy kiss***


	2. Language Barrier

**A/N: Bella's first day in Forks.**

* * *

**Chapter 2**

**Language Barrier**

**Bella's POV**

The sound of steady rain and low rumblings of thunder woke me early the next morning. I sat up disorientated, just moments before the events of the previous day washed back over me. Immediately I was engulfed by a warm, fuzzy feeling, realising that I was in my new room, in my uncle's house, in the U.S.

I smiled to myself, and stretched sleepily, rubbing my eyes, before I turned to check the time on the ancient looking clock radio that sat on the bedside table. It was one of those pre-digital contraptions that made an agonising humming sound as the Rolodex numbers flipped down over and over again.

It was 6:45 am.

The room was dimly lit, and for a moment I wasn't sure whether it was dawn outside or dusk. The pitiful amount of light that was leaking through the windows, as the storm outside continued, gave away no clues.

I lay back against the pillows, reflecting wistfully as I absorbed the sound of the rain. I loved it—every single thing about it. It screamed that I wasn't in Australia anymore, and I couldn't have been more relieved.

Yawning contentedly, and grinning goofily to myself, I quickly realised I was above the covers on the bed, still wearing the clothes that I'd put on at the very beginning of my journey; way back in my old bedroom. I tensed; it was a reflex, but I immediately felt impatient at myself. Impatient for reactions like that to remain forever in my past.

I got up from the bed groggily and stumbled to the light switch, flipping it on. The room was instantly illuminated in a bright glow that sent me reeling backwards for a moment in shock. Once my eyes were adjusted to the light, I staggered over to the full length mirror—peripherally spying frizz in the reflection that I feared was my hair. I avoided looking directly into it for the moment; instead I focused on the various magazine cut outs of some blond haired bloke that framed the top half of the mirror. I peered in closely and squinted.

"Chad. Michael. Murry," I read out loud, snorting the air from my lungs and smirking to myself. "Hmm, _spunk ..."_

Knowing I couldn't avoid the inevitable, I took a deep breath in and focused on the person reflected in the Chad-fringed mirror—only to be sent reeling backwards once again.

_Holy shit, I'm a bloody train wreck!_ I thought aghast.

Just as I'd suspected, my hair was matted and frizzy, my eyes were puffy and bloodshot, and there was a permanent furrowed expression on my face, as though I was being asked to explain the theory of relativity—in Latin.

Shaking my head lightly to myself, I went to my suitcase, unzipped it and rummaged around for my little bag of toiletries. I pulled it out, along with a clean set of clothes, and one of the jumpers I'd bought the night before at Port Angeles airport, before venturing out in search of the bathroom I was to share with my cousin.

I tiptoed quietly down the hall, while the sound of low guttural snoring echoing off the walls alerted me that either Billy or Jacob was still fast asleep.

Of course, in my extra effort not to make any noise, I managed to stumble and drop my toiletries bag; spilling its contents all over the floor. I picked them all up hastily and crept past an open door, glancing in discreetly. The huge, hulking figure of my cousin, Jacob, was strewn across the bed. His long legs were hanging over the sides; his loud snoring not skipping a beat.

I found myself smiling warmly. I loved him already.

"Nessie…" he mumbled unintelligibly in his sleep, before rolling over. I closed his bedroom door carefully and continued down the hall.

The small bathroom was at the end of it. I slipped inside, and emerged again half an hour later feeling almost human again.

Back in front of the Chad-clad mirror, I wasn't quite the train wreck I'd been a short while ago. My hair looked more civilised and the clueless expression was definitely on the decline. Deciding I was fit to be seen, I set out in search of the Kitchen.

To say a huge thank you to Billy and Jacob for inviting me into their lives, I thought I'd make them breakfast. I was an okay cook, I guess; I'd learned to do it years ago. I kind of had to. It was either learn to cook or starve, because Renee refused to bloody cook. She was too busy with her _liquid_ diet, and heaven forbid if she fed her child!

Finding myself becoming rigid, I paused and immediately shook the memory of my mother from my mind with impatience. I would _not_ let thoughts of her spoil my first day.

Pressing my lips together with conviction, I walked down stairs.

I wished I could erase her completely from my memory, just like that weird movie Nummi and I watched once. But I knew if I did that I'd have to erase every aspect of my life with her, and that included the guys. I missed them already, and the thought of them thousands of kilometres away immediately gave me a heavy, aching feeling in my chest.

I allowed the melancholy to wash over me for a moment, preferring it to thoughts of Renee, before it faded naturally behind the knowledge of how happy they were that I'd come here. I felt like I was betraying them by indulging in a pity party, and so, sniffing back the threat of tears, I walked into the kitchen.

The kitchen in Billy's house was small and cosy; in keeping with the rest of the house. It was also pretty well stocked, so I got busy cooking. I fried up some bacon and eggs and made pancakes, before setting two plates down on the small table that sat in the middle of the room.

Just as I was pouring two glasses of orange juice, I heard movement above me. Then, after heavy thudding footsteps—that made the timber in the stairs groan loudly—Jacob appeared in the doorway looking sleepy. He yawned loudly and rubbed his face with the heel of his hand.

As I appraised him, I broke into a broad grin. His hair was dishevelled, and he was wearing a pair of flannel pyjama pants with a ratty looking cotton t-shirt. He was almost child-like despite his enormous stature.

"Hey, Bella," he mumbled with a sleepy smile as his eyes dropped to the two plates of food. His entire face suddenly lit up with delight. "Wow, I thought I smelled something good!"

"Yeah, I got up first, so I thought I'd make myself useful. Knock yourself out," I replied almost in laughter.

He was staring at the food practically salivating.

Without the need for another invitation, Jacob pulled the dining chair out with a loud scraping sound across the linoleum floor and dug in to the food.

I watched him eat almost aghast. He was shovelling the food in his mouth, without spilling a fraction of it, and even more shockingly, without _choking _to death on it. I shook my head to myself in wonder; I'd seen a pack of feral dogs eat like that before, but that was about it.

I cleared my throat softly. "So ... what time does Billy usually get up?"

Jacob stopped eating and looked over at me. "Billy?" He swallowed his food before he continued, "He left early this morning for work. I don't think he wanted to disturb you."

"Oh ... right-o," I replied, my heart falling a little. It would have been nice to have spent my first morning with Jake _and_ my uncle, but I knew it couldn't be helped. Besides, I was more than used to eating without Renee.

Jacob flashed me a quick, encouraging grin, and half shrugged before turning back to his breakfast.

I watched him eat in awe for a moment longer before I broke into laughter. "Bloody hell, Jacob, when was the last time you ate?"

"Last night," he answered innocently, with a mouth full of bacon and egg. He flashed me another quick grin then picked up his orange juice and downed it in one gulp. He finished every scrap of food on his plate, before looking like he wanted to lick it clean.

I scoffed, chuckling simultaneously, and handed him Billy's plate of food. "Here, you might as well eat this as well. No sense in it going to waste."

With his eyes lighting up, he began to reach for the plate, but stopped himself in hesitation. "Have you eaten yet?"

"No, not yet, but don't worry, I'll just have some toast or something. You got any Vegemite?" I asked. I hadn't seen any in the cupboard.

"Vegie-who?" Jacob asked blankly.

"Vegie-_mite,_" I repeated.

He paused for a moment in thought before breaking into an amused grin. "Sorry, Bella, I've never heard of it. What is it?"

I sighed lightly to myself. "Never mind, I'll just have that Goobers stuff I spotted in the cupboard."

Jake's boyish grin broadened again, and as he finished off Billy's breakfast in the same crazy manner as he had his own, I made myself some toast and was surprised to discover that peanut butter and Jelly—or _jam _as we called it at home—didn't make me sick.

I washed up the breakfast dishes while Jake helped—rather clumsily—as he told me funny stories about the sort of things he and Billy had been eating since his sisters had moved out. We laughed like old friends. It was surprising to me how at ease and comfortable I felt already. It was a strange feeling for me; I was used to being constantly on guard. It almost became inherent in who I was. But the simple act of hanging out with my cousin without the fear of my mother's presence was something I could definitely get used to.

I was hanging the tea towel over the handrail of the oven, when Jacob suddenly grabbed my hand and whirled me around to face him.

"Bella—I almost forgot!" he exclaimed as excitement lit up his eyes.

I was taken aback. "What?"

"I've got something to show you! Give me five minutes to get dressed, kay?" He was already half way up the stairs, taking two at a time.

I laughed impulsively—thinking that he couldn't possibly get any more zealous—and nodded in agreement.

It took Jake less than five minutes, before he bounded back down the stairs dressed in jeans and a Jumper. Without pausing, he grabbed my hand and pulled me out into the front yard.

"Oh crap!" I uttered involuntarily as the cold hit me. The rain had stopped but the air was like ice. I wrapped my free arm around my torso, shuddering violently as Jake continued to pull me along without a pause.

We stopped short in front of a car; a red Jeep Cherokee 4WD.

"So, what do you think, Bella?" Jacob asked with an enthusiasm that I didn't understand.

I paused, shivering uncontrollably, wondering what I was missing. "Um … it's great, Jacob. Is this your car?" I asked, trying to sound politely interested.

I rolled my eyes discreetly. What the hell was it about boys and their machines? I for one never could understand the excitement they managed to generate over them.

"No, _silly,_ it's yours!" Jake replied laughing_._

All at once, I understood the excitement!

"It's mine ... how?" I was flabbergasted.

"It's from Charlie—here," Jacob explained, thrusting a folded piece of paper in my hands.

I unravelled it; it was a handwritten note from The General:

_**Isabella,**_

_**I thought you could use a reliable and sturdy car while you are in Forks.**_

_**Look after it.**_

_**Charlie x**_

_Holy shit!_

Jacob nudged me enthusiastically; the unintentional force of it sent me stumbling sideways, but I laughed it off good-naturedly. I was still literally reeling.

My own car!

I had always dreamt of owning my own car. I used to fantasize about running away with Kel and living out of the trunk, but all I'd driven was Renee's piece of crap on the many errands that she'd sent me on.

"Holy shit, this is so—bloody fantastic!" I burst out.

"So, do you want to take her for a spin?" Jacob asked revelling in my excitement and holding up a set of keys for me.

"Definitely!" I replied with copious amounts of enthusiasm.

I grabbed the keys from Jacob and jumped in to the … passenger side….

Jacob gave me a funny look as he stood at the passenger side door in front of me. "You want me to drive, Bella?"

I laughed to myself lightly. "No, just a habit. Something I'll have to get used to."

_Something else, that is._

I slid back out of the car, climbed into the driver's side and inserted the key into the ignition. It started smoothly; another thing that I wasn't used to. It used to take a hell of a lot of kicks, and the threat of an all-out hissy fit, before Renee's car would ever start.

I turned to Jacob, who was jumping into the passenger's seat; the car tilted alarmingly with his weight. "So, where to?"

"Well, my dad suggested we go to Port Angeles so you can get some school supplies?" Jacob replied, raising his eyebrows, his grin unfailingly present.

I shrugged. "Sure, you'll have to direct me though. I'll probably end up in the middle of Woop Woop otherwise."

"The middle of where?" Jacob asked curiously, giving me a funny look again.

I smiled to myself self-consciously, before clearing my throat. "Oh ... just a daggy expression."

Despite the fact that he was already grinning, his lips were twitching, hinting that it was about to broaden. "Tell me another one?"

I thought for a moment, before adding, "We're about to dodge skippy on the black top."

At Jake's dumbfounded expression I laughed whole-heartedly.

"What does that mean?" he asked, his forehead bridging almost comically.

"Um …" I tugged my lower lip feeling slightly abashed. Now that I thought about it, it sounded completely ridiculous. "It's something you say before you go driving. Skippy is the kangaroos, and the black top is the … road." I cleared my throat and lowered my gaze, as Jacob all but burst into laughter.

"Do you really talk like that?" he teased me, nudging me playfully with his elbow.

"Me? God no, but I'm from a small town too. A lot of the locals say stuff like that. Some things I say, though, I don't realise, I guess," I explained, with a shrug of my shoulders. "Tell me a weird phrase that you Yankees use?" I asked him, in attempt to take the focus off me and my obvious Australian weirdness.

Jacob inclined his head slightly as he thought for a moment, his grin momentarily fading. "The guys at school are going to be psyched when they see your mug."

I thought about it for a moment before scoffing. "Too easy, I know what that means."

"What does it mean then?" Jacob asked, folding his arms confidently. When I hesitated, he laughed. "Bella, you're gonna run out of gas."

"Oh, right," I said quickly, remembering that the car was still running.

I eased the car on to the road and drove down it carefully.

"Hey, Bella ...?" Jacob piped up with hesitation, breaking the silence between us while I got used to the fact that I was driving on the opposite side of the road.

I glanced at him. "Yeah?"

"Would you mind ... if my girlfriend, Nessie, came along?" he asked, his tone almost sheepish.

I smirked to myself and turned to tease him, "Oh, you have a girlfriend, do you? Do tell?"

His olive skin deepened in colour and he began fidgeting in his seat awkwardly. "Well, we haven't been together for that long, but she's ... special."

My returning smile was warm and knowing. "Of course she can come. Where does she live?"

Jacob's face immediately brightened again as though it was controlled by a switch. "Just up the road. Thanks, Bella!"

"No worries," I replied.

Nessie literally did live just up the road. As I pulled up carefully in front of her house, which looked a lot like Billy's, Jake jumped out of the car just as a pretty girl with golden-coloured curls ran down the path to meet him, throwing herself into his outstretched arms.

They hugged tenderly—which almost thawed out my frozen, cynical heart—but then they started eating each other's faces. It was so blatant, yet intimate that I looked away quickly, feeling embarrassed that I'd witnessed it.

I fiddled with the controls on the car's radio and air conditioning, to give them a moment of privacy, but when I looked back over at them a couple of minutes later, they were still at it. Jake had lifted her off the ground and held her to his eye level as they continued to kiss over and over again. I could actually hear the smacking of their lips from inside the car.

I groaned and rubbed my forehead with the palm of my hand, squeezing my eyes shut in exasperation. "Oh give me a bloody break," I muttered before scoffing to myself, and allowing a reluctant, wry grin to spread.

I accidentally—_on purpose—_honked the horn—for a good ten seconds. Jake pulled himself away from Nessie and turned to me, flashing me a dazed, apologetic smile.

I chuckled to myself openly this time, then wound down the window, flinching from the icy wind that hit my face. "Sorry, I slipped!" I sang out jokingly.

Jake's grin broadened, and I rolled my eyes at him knowingly.

"Hurry up and get into the car, before the two of you freeze to death," I called to them, though, I suspected that they were feeling a lot of things, but _cold_ wasn't one of them.

Jacob grabbed Nessie's hand and pulled her toward the car. She climbed into the back seat and he clambered in after her.

_Oh great, now I'm the chauffeur!_

"Bella, this is Nessie," he introduced.

"Hi, Nessie, nice to meet you," I said sincerely, offering a friendly smile.

"Hi, Bella," she replied brightly.

Jacob turned to her then and added, "This is the famous, Isabella Swan."

_Famous?_

"It's just Bella, Nessie," I corrected him distracted. "And ... why am I famous?" It was a horrifying thought.

Jacob laughed as though I'd told him another funny joke. "You should know that one, Bella. Small town, new student, from another country...?"

I failed to see how that would make me famous. Okay, so maybe I was a little naive, but famous was the last thing I would have wished upon myself.

Jake laughed again, this time with obvious amusement. "You look a little green all of a sudden, Bells."

So much for my plans of blending in at Forks High School. I had been really relying on it too.

"Bugger it! bugger! bugger!" I muttered under my breath.

"It'll be cool, Bella. You're going to be _so _popular!" Nessie piped up with enthusiasm.

_Oh fantastic!_

Popular and me were an oxymoron. At my former school, I got through the day creating or attracting as little attention as possible, and that's how I preferred it. I tended to be shy, awkward and horrendously clumsy at times, and I only ever felt comfortable around the guys.

I bent my head into my palm, feeling like I might get a migraine.

Jacob leaned forward and put a consoling hand on my shoulder. "You okay, Bella?"

I shook myself out of it.

Okay, I suppose I should have expected it. It was no big deal, I could handle it, and it'd blow over in a few days anyway...

"Yeah—no I'm fine." I turned the key in the ignition. "So, show the way, cuz!" I said with feigned enthusiasm.

"That was so not convincing, Bella." Jake grinned teasingly, before leaning back again and snuggling close with Nessie.

I had not driven ten minutes down the road, when I was completely _over _the slopping and slurping that was coming from the back seat. I glanced in the rear view mirror. Jake and Nessie were so completely absorbed with one another that I could only conclude one of two things; that they were either so pukingly in love that they were honestly unaware of my presence, or that they had no shame what so ever.

"Oi! You two in the back seat!" I called to them in slight exasperation.

I caught Jake's gaze through the mirror, he flashed me a rueful smile. "Sorry, Bella. We're not being much fun, huh?"

I released my breath, almost breaking into a smile—deciding to take them in good spirit. "Just keep the pashing down to a bare minimum, or one of you will be banished to the front seat. You're fogging up the bloody windows!"

Nessie giggled before sitting forward and leaning her elbow on the back of my seat. "What did you call it, Bella? _Pashing?_"

I cleared my throat wanting to groan to myself; I suspected I was about to be laughed at again. Despite my previous assumptions, obviously not everyone called it pashing—from this country, at least.

"Umm ... did I? I can't remember ..." I mumbled, feeling heat rise and gather in my cheeks.

"Is that what you guys in Australia call making out?" she asked lightly, with laughter in her eyes. "Where abouts in Australia are you from, Bella?" Nessie suddenly enquired without waiting for my original reply; which I was secretly grateful for. I didn't realise that my phrases and expressions would attract so much attention. "Was it in Sydney?" she prompted me when I still hadn't offered a reply.

"No… nowhere near Sydney. I'm from country New South Wales," I answered.

"Did you have a pet kangaroo?" she asked.

I glanced sideways at her. She was serious—as far as I could tell anyway—and I wanted to cringe.

A pet kangaroo?

"Um... no. That's actually illegal," I answered her eventually, making an effort not to sound sarcastic.

"Nessie, really? You don't believe that do you?" Jacob teased her with tenderness behind his words.

"Sorry, Bella. I didn't offend you, did I?" Nessie asked me. I met her gaze again through the rear view mirror, and her eyes were widening sincerely.

"No, don't be a dag," I replied warmly.

When I glanced back at her through the mirror, she looked bewildered.

_Oh for fu—_

"A—a what ...?" she asked, her eyebrows meeting, her expression remaining puzzled.

I groaned beneath my breath before responding. "It's something I call my friends when they're being ..." I let the sentence trail off, uncertain.

Crap, I had no other words for it.

"I think she means you're being a silly bear," Jake said to her with affection laced thickly in his voice, before the lip smacking and slopping started up again.

I discreetly rolled my eyes, while trying to keep my half-cringe from becoming noticeable.

"I know, we're a bit gross to be around, huh?" Nessie offered apologetically, when my casual charade was no longer fooling them.

"Well, just a little bit," I replied, feeling my lips curve slightly.

I guess they were harmless and only minimally sickening.

"Did you have a boyfriend, Bella—back home?" Nessie asked without a pause, her expression puckering with sudden interest.

"No, all the boys back home were a bunch of wankers!" I replied a little too passionately. Especially when most of them were sons of the men Renee often brought home for a drunken, one-night romp. Just the thought of them made me want to shudder. Thankfully, they left me alone, obviously never seeing anything in me—or enough similarities with my mother—to be interested in me. But then, it probably had more to do with the fact that I'd stared them down with hinted violence if they even thought of approaching me. I refused to be anything like my trash-pile excuse for a mother, and I was determined to let every single person in town know it—_especially_ _her_.

Realising that my reaction probably seemed slightly irrational, I cleared my throat and quickly glanced in the mirror back at Jake and Nessie. I didn't miss the pointed glance that they shared.

I sighed and removed one hand from the steering wheel to run through my hair, becoming frustrated that I was allowing Renee to continually invade my thoughts.

We drove in silence for a couple of kilometres, with slopping and slurping noises the only sounds breaking it. It was almost impossible to ignore, and my patience began to wear thin faster than my desire to gag.

As I drove passed a street sign, the name on it caught my eye and I began chuckling. "There's a town called _Beaver_ here?"

It was enough to sever Jake and Nessie's lips; they both sat forward and laughed together.

"Hmm, that's still pretty tame compared to some of the towns back home," I added, determined to keep them distracted from round three in the back seat.

I had Jacob and Nessie cracking up with all the funny towns that I knew. Jacob's favourites were _'Humpty Doo' _and _'Fanny Bay'_. It was an effective form of distraction, and the only sounds that came from the back seat from then on were Nessie and Jake's continued laughter as I added ridiculous sounding Australian towns after another.

By the time we arrived in Port Angeles, I think I had exhausted them. And it was worth feeling completely bogan not to hear the product of their love in my ear, while I drove on the other side of the road in a foreign country.

"Oh, Bella, you're _so_ funny!" Nessie exclaimed as we piled out of the car.

That was one definition of me I guess; though, not exactly in the context that Nessie was referring to.

Port Angeles was a really beautiful and scenic sea side town. The weather was still overcast and drizzling, but even that couldn't take away from the beauty of the place. It was so opposite to anything I'd ever seen before. I was in awe. I wanted to just sit and stare at the mountains, but Jacob insisted on dragging me around and showing me as much as possible in the few hours we had.

I managed to buy the things I figured I'd need for school the next day as well as a few more articles of clothing—not to mention some new shoes. Jacob had found incredible amusement in my scuffed up pair from home.

A few hours later, Nessie and I were sitting in a cafe waiting for Jacob so we could eat lunch together. We'd split up during the _shopping_ section of our visit to spare Jake the agony of it. I'd actually thought Nessie would go with him, but in true female spirit she stayed with me and was a huge help. I was totally clueless when it came to fashion. I was comfortable best in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and never had any real interest in wearing anything but—as far back as I could remember. But I wasn't in Australia anymore and if my attire was going to attract attention, I knew I'd have to conform—even if just a little.

"So what do you think of Jake?" Nessie asked after a pause and going all starry eyed at the mere thought of him.

"Umm ..." I began awkwardly.

I wanted to cringe again and wondered if I should state the obvious, that Jake was related to me, when Nessie quickly added, grinning sheepishly, "I mean, I know he's your cousin and everything, but you know, say he wasn't…?"

I chuckled softly. "Okay, if Jacob _wasn't_ my cousin, I'd say he's _definitely_ a spunk!"

"Who's got spunk? Me?" Jacob piped up, suddenly appearing again with that broad, boyish grin of his in tow.

"But of course, who else?" Nessie replied, her whole face lighting up as she beamed at him with concentrated amounts of affection.

Jake took a seat next to her and they quickly began another round of blatant, _public_ slopping that had a few customers staring appalled. I hid behind my menu, feeling the back of my neck prickle with associated embarrassment.

The waitress arrived and cleared her throat. Jake and Nessie pulled apart, before scanning the menu, not the slightest bit embarrassed by their in-house display of affection.

They ordered the same thing—even the waitress rolled her eyes—before turning her attention to me, her pencil poised expectantly.

"Umm ..." I mumbled in contemplation as I read the menu. Nothing really jumped out at me, plus I wasn't terribly hungry. "I'll just have chips and tomato sauce, thank you."

The waitress rolled her eyes again, this time more evidently, before she asked with a bored tone to her voice, "I'm sorry? What is it you'd like?"

"_Chips and sauce_?" I repeated, feeling indignant by her obvious patronising attitude.

_Why the hell was she looking at me like that? What cafe doesn't sell bloody hot chips?_

"I'm terribly sorry, miss, but we don't sell _chips and sauce._ I'm sure you could find a Taco Bell somewhere if you're so desperate for it."

I felt my face climb ten degrees higher, and cloud defensively, but at the same time I was flustered and embarrassed. I looked over at Jacob; his expression was a mixture of puzzled amusement. With my cheeks burning hotter by the second, I quickly scanned the menu for something else, before realising my error.

I sighed, raising my gaze to meet the eyes of the snotty waitress. "I'm _terribly_ sorry, forgive me, I'm from out of town. I'd like some _fries_ and _ketchup, _thank you!"

She wrote my order scoffing blatantly before walking off.

_Bloody hell!_

I was all hot and bothered and paranoid that people were staring at me. I wasn't aware that my English seemed to be a different language all together. It drew attention to me and for someone who preferred to blend into the background, I hated it!

Jacob was on the verge of laughing, but something—probably my expression—stopped him. "It's okay, Bells."

"Yeah, she's a rude bitch. We should complain," Nessie added, folding her arms and scowling in the direction the waitress went in.

Okay, it was just one rude waitress, I didn't need to overreact.

I sighed deeply and pressed my fingertips into my forehead, trying to convince myself that I was exaggerating the situation. But I had a sneaking suspicion that this was what I had to expect on my first day of school.

Me, Bella Swan, sounding so completely bogan, that no one would understand me.

* * *

**A/N: BTW, spunk means a good looking guy ... not ... what I recently learned. LOL  
Thanks for reading/reading again :)**


	3. First Day of Forks High

**A/N: Cue Edward and Alice.**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**First Day of Forks High**

**Bella's POV**

"So, Bells, we can come in with you, if you like?" Jacob offered like a sweetheart. He was obviously aware of the anxiety I was feeling; though, I'd attempted to conceal it all morning.

Not very successfully, it seemed.

Jake, Nessie and I were standing in the parking lot of Forks High School—Home Of The Spartans, as it read on the sign. We'd arrived a little earlier so I could get myself organised and pick up my schedule, but as I stared at the building marked 'office', I realised I'd have to pass dozens of pairs of curious eyes that were all staring shamelessly at me.

_Bugger!_ I mumbled under my breath.

The old Bella—the Bella that relied constantly on the protection of the girls at my old school—really would have preferred Jake and Nessie to accompany me. But I didn't move half way around the world so I could remain _old Bella_, and I was ashamed of myself for considering it.

I flashed him a grateful smile and shook my head. "No, I'll be fine. You guys go ahead. I'll see you at lunch."

Jacob seemed to debate this with himself for a moment, before he broke into his all too familiar grin. "Okay then, Bells. Take it easy."

He put his arm over Nessie's shoulder, and I watched as they disappeared into the crowds. Nessie looked back once and threw me a broad, encouraging smile, and then I was alone.

With a small sigh, I turned to glance in the direction of the office again. My determination was suddenly waning and my stomach was a mass of nervousness. In all seriousness, I didn't know what I was so worried about; it was just _school, _after all. Only at this school I was completely on my own. There was no Rach, Nummi, or Kel to shield me from the constant denigration I suffered as Renee Dwyer's daughter. For the first time in my life, I'd have to stand on my own two feet.

Taking a deep breath and gathering the last remaining reserves of my bravery, I raised my head with resolve and walked toward the office.

It was very unnerving to be stared at so blatantly, but I guess since I _was _the new girl I should have expected a little bit of gawking. Still, I was a bit puzzled as to why they were so curious about me. I could only hope they'd lose interest in me before the day was out, because I suspected fame wasn't all that it was cracked up to be—not to mention so far and beyond my comfort zone.

By the time I left the office with my schedule in hand, class was about to start. Luckily Forks High School wasn't big enough to get hopelessly lost in. It was only fractionally bigger than my old school back home. Though, a lot of it involved walking around in the subzero temperatures; something I was sure I'd never get acclimatised to.

I managed to find my home room without too much drama, but of course, I was the last person to arrive, and as I stumbled very ungraciously through the door, everyone looked up and stared at me with various expressions of curiosity and amusement. Putting my head down quickly, and feeling my face flush neurotically, I hurried to find a seat.

I was in the midst of trying to familiarise myself with my schedule when all of a sudden the whole class stood up … and started reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. It surprised me so much that I almost scoffed. Hastily, I lurched to my feet and placed my hand over my heart. I had no clue what the words were, but it all sounded oddly familiar.

Surprisingly, it reminded me of all the mornings we were forced to sing the national anthem in the quad at my old school, while one of the prefects raised the flag. It was a ritual we had to repeat every morning without fail—even in the middle of summer when it was so stinking hot that half the students would collapse. Well … okay, that was mostly me, and usually smack bang in the arms of some letch of a guy. They used to flock near me in summer, knowing I would more than likely faint. There wasn't anything flattering about it; they only did it to get a laugh with the boys as they dragged my semi-conscious body to sickbay, while no doubt hoping I'd suddenly turn into my mother and find the prospect of being half conscious in their arms a turn-on.

I liked to think it was the reason why I couldn't tolerate the heat very well, because half of my genes came from _this _climate.

I sighed to myself inwardly. I guess that meant I was stuck in between and would never be able to tolerate either side of the equator. At least, I could console myself with the fact that the cold probably wouldn't make me faint.

My first class of the day was Trigonometry.

I was half way across the school grounds when someone fell in step with me, turning to face me with a bright, friendly smile.

"Hi, you're Isabella, aren't you? I thought I'd come and introduce myself. I'm Alice. You're a junior right?"

"Um … yeah. It's just Bella," I mumbled awkwardly. "W-What's … a junior?" I felt like an idiot, and more so when Alice's expression quirked in amusement.

"Eleventh grade?"

"Oh—then, yeah, I guess I'm a junior." My face burst into flames, and I berated myself beneath my breath, wishing I'd done more homework regarding American schools before I'd left.

"You look a little lost, Bella. Do you need directions? What's your next class?" she asked. She seemed friendly enough, and her accompanying smile was sincere.

"Trigonometry," I answered with enough uncertainty that it came out almost as a question.

She turned her head, becoming momentarily distracted by a passing blonde boy, and as she smiled at him flirtatiously, it gave me a moment to properly take her in.

She was shorter than I was by a couple of inches, and her petite frame was complimented by a pair of jeans and jacket that didn't look like they'd ever graced the interior of 'Kmart' like my clothes had. She was incredibly pretty, with short, dark hair, and intense coloured eyes. Though, despite this, we did have something in common; her skin was practically as pale as mine was—only it didn't make her look anaemic like it did on me.

With Mr tall, blonde and blue eyed gone from view, she turned back and met my gaze, her face lighting up with enthusiasm. "Cool, me too. C'mon, I'll show you the way."

As it turned out—once I let Alice suss out my schedule—I had every class with her except Biology.

"It sucks being the new girl, huh?" she asked, as she plonked down in a chair beside me in trig class.

"Yeah," I agreed.

"My family have moved around a lot the last five years," she explained with a small, wistful sigh. "I went to three different middle schools during that time," she added, shrugging as if to say it was no big deal, when I knew from experience it was.

Luckily, I listened to my better instincts, and didn't ask her what _middle school_ was.

By mid-morning, things had gone pretty smoothly. My education in one-horse-town New South Wales was sufficient enough that I understood pretty much everything in my classes. I had Alice constantly beside me; her friendly enthusiastic chatter was a comforting distraction from all the staring and gawking, and at lunch I knew I'd see Jake and Nessie again. I was craving the comforting familiarity of their presence, despite the slopping I'd be no doubt subjected to.

But just when I was thinking I could get through the day without incident, third period Spanish happened. The overly enthusiastic teacher decided it'd be a good thing to make me stand up in front of the class and tell everyone about myself.

Groaning softly under my breath, and with my face once again threatening to become a tomato, I reluctantly pulled myself from my chair to stand at the front of the classroom. Staring down at the thirty or so expectant, curious faces. I swallowed hard. If there was something that made me even more pathetic than my pitiful excuse at dexterity, it was _this._

As I opened my mouth to speak, I heard the word _kangaroo_ whispered amongst the crowd of students. The surface temperature of my face inevitably climbed, and my voice came out as a croak that was immediately greeted by muffled snickers.

Clearing my throat quickly, I started over, "My name's Bella, and I'm from Rocherrie in New South Wales, Australia."

I took a step to return to my seat when the teacher spoke up with what seemed like over exaggerated interest. "And what did your parents do in Australia, Bella?"

My breath caught and my inward groan threatened to become audible, as my mind raced to come up with a fabricated response. I came up blank, and so, taking a resigned breath, I spoke the truth, "I lived with just my mother … and she –she worked at the pub."

I returned to my seat as another round of half suppressed snickers followed me, and whether bloody Miss Harper wanted any more information from me or not.

Alice turned to me and flashed me an empathetic smile, and with a sigh—out of relief that I'd managed to get through it relatively unscathed—I smiled back. Inwardly, I told myself to stop overreacting. God knows I'd been through worse, and anything that didn't end with being asked if I gave blowjobs as good as my mother was always a plus.

As the day continued, it became apparent just how much of a godsend Alice was turning out to be. She never once asked stupid questions about Australia, and even though I suspected she didn't quite understand a lot of what I said—despite all my efforts to not say anything too bogan—she never laughed and brought it to my attention. Her over zealousness was slightly exhausting, but her sincerity was genuine. She reminded me a lot of Kel, so it was almost impossible for me_ not _to like her. Her presence helped create an optimism I was beginning to feel about coming to Forks for the first time since I'd arrived. The one thing—the only thing—that made me happy in Australia was the guys. Friends were important to me—since they were all I'd had.

"Thank _God_ lunch is next. I'm _starving_!" she exclaimed linking her arm through mine as we made our way to English class.

Thankfully, there was no repeat of what had happened in Spanish and the lesson was over quickly. As everyone headed out for lunch, the halls became a sea of students all moving in the direction of the cafeteria—or so I assumed. I followed Alice, being bumped and knocked about; it was then that a tall figure stopped in front of us.

"Hey, you little rat, we have drill after school today, so do you mind getting a lift with Rose?" A deep, smooth voice spoke to Alice with a warm, teasing tone.

I looked up and promptly fell apart. My heart, which had initially jarred in my rib cage, quite literally started stuttering and stumbling, while this reaction I was having was leaving me in cynical surprise.

Standing in front of us was a tall, lean boy, with bright green eyes and a tousled mess of chestnut coloured hair. He was handsome? Was that the right word? It seemed ridiculous that I'd even be contemplating it considering my confession to Jake and Nessie the day before—considering my history with the opposite sex.

But in this country nobody knew my mother and therefore no boy had the misguided assumption that I was just as much of a whore that she was.

It suddenly hit me; I was free; free to start a new life where there'd be no discrimination or judgments that I'd experienced as Renee's daughter. I could talk to boys without having the reasonable suspicion that they expected only one thing from me; the one thing my mother was all too happy to give—over and over.

In Australia, I was Bella Swan, daughter of the town drunk and whore. In Forks, I was…?

As I stood processing all this, while my heart reacted to the very idea of it, I became aware that Alice must have introduced me, because suddenly he was gazing over at me, his eyebrows slightly drawn.

As his eyes locked with mine, something flickered in them, and my first presumption was that he'd recognized who I was—Renee Dwyer's daughter.

She must be easy—like mother like daughter, after all!

But he didn't know Renee…

I realised what he probably _did_ recognize me as, was the new girl with the odd way of speaking; who was presently staring at him mouth agape, mind frazzled and expression of a lunatic. How could it be anything else? The epiphany I was having was so enormous that I had no way of properly processing it at just that moment.

But I felt so unburdened all of a sudden that I found myself smiling brightly up at him—which immediately broadened his, revealing a set of pearly white teeth.

"Nice to meet you, Bella. I'm Edward." His voice was warm and resonating.

"Hi." The act of speaking again brought out my awkwardness, and I broke off eye contact with him, feeling the effects of my social ineptness burn again in my face.

He cleared his throat and when I quickly glanced up at him again, he looked … uncomfortable. He had opened his mouth to respond, but shut it hastily, before mumbling a hurried goodbye and walking off rather hastily.

I was used to boys acting in disappointment when they realised I wasn't a whore like my mother and they were wasting their time on me, but they never appeared _uncomfortable_. That was usually my response.

It was ironic that the first boy that made me feel something other than disdain, had reacted exactly how I normally would have.

I shook my head to myself slowly in a second attempt to wrap my mind around it all, and what it all meant, but I only felt ridiculous and bewildered, and wholly out of my comfort zone

"My twin brother," Alice said, almost rolling her eyes and smiling slightly to herself.

Her _twin_ _brother_? Well I knew he wasn't her boyfriend; she'd chatted nonstop about her boyfriend, _Jazz_, all morning.

I only nodded, not trusting myself with a reply at that moment, because despite my present inner struggle, I was mortifyingly on the verge of enquiring further about him.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Alice asked me, as her eyebrows pulled together towards a small, puzzled frown.

"Um … yeah, I'm fine. Just a bit hungry, I guess," I mumbled a reply, grateful that she'd broken me from thoughts that were threatening to mock me with this new found revelation.

Thankfully Alice was suddenly distracted. "Oh hey, there's Rose. Come and meet her," she said with a burst of enthusiasm, pulling me along once again.

We approached a group of three—all very pretty—girls. They were standing against the wall out of the one way traffic, chatting; I presumed they were waiting for Alice.

"Hey, guys!" Alice greeted them brightly.

They looked over to her and smiled before turning to me, their faces inquisitive, but then … not. There was something very pretentious about them, something very unlike Alice.

"So, Alice, I see you've taken the new girl under your wing," one of the girls spoke up and my first impression of her wasn't a positive one, but then she smiled at Alice in a way that made me reconsider.

"This is Rosalie. Take no notice of her," Alice said to me good-naturedly, rolling her eyes. She turned back to Rosalie. "Rose, this is Bella."

"Hi," I said to Rosalie a little too shyly, biting on my lower lip, and feeling suddenly uneasy.

She was tall, blond and incredibly attractive, but her posture almost suggested that it was irrelevant to her. She looked me up and down, and arched an eyebrow to herself, bringing to my attention the fact that my clothes were very dull in comparison to the girls around me; something that _usually_ never bothered me.

If her intention was to make me feel self-conscious, she had succeeded.

"Hello, Bella," she said simply and I couldn't work her out. She was standoffish, but not unfriendly.

She turned her gaze toward Alice and smiled with a hint of amusement, but since Alice had her back to me; I wasn't sure of the meaning behind it.

"This is Lauren," Alice continued with her introductions, turning me towards another blond girl.

"So … you're from Australia, huh? Cool." That was Lauren's greeting. She seemed to be bending herself over backwards to imitate Rosalie—as if it wasn't blindingly obvious. I almost snorted.

"Apparently," I replied lightly, feeling a smirk inching up the corners of my mouth.

Finally, Alice turned me toward the third girl, whose name was Jessica and who was already glaring at me with an intensity that didn't really surprised me. My first thought was, _Oh great, another girl's father my mother has screwed_, and was forced to remind myself where I was.

She openly ignored Alice's introductions; instead her eyes focused past me, as a scowl began to penetrate her face. I turned and followed her gaze curiously, but seen only the crowd of students all heading in the same direction. No one seemed to be paying much attention, though a few peered at me curiously as they passed.

When I turned back to Jessica, her expression remained hard, her eyes beginning to narrow with irritation, and I was beginning to feel bloody paranoid. I had to keep reminding myself that my mother couldn't possibly have slept with any of her male family members.

I was no longer in Australia!

Jessica suddenly replaced her glare, with a rather patronising smile that reflected in her tone. "Hello, Bella."

"Hi," I replied, a frown etching in my forehead while I rued that Rach wasn't with me, only to immediately feel like the coward I was.

Jessica was smirking to herself condescendingly, and while looking me up and down it turned to a sneer. "That's an interesting outfit, Bella. Where'd you get it? From the crocodile hunter?"

Hearing miss-blond-and-up-herself-wannabe snicker from beside me, I exhaled into an almost sarcastic scoff. "Um … yeah that's really not original." I sounded meek and pathetic, and the irritation I should have been feeling at Jessica was directed at myself.

I'd been waiting for the stupid Aussie jokes all day, and in the end it came from one of Alice's friends.

"Bella, lighten up. I was just joking," was Jessica's reply, complete with snotty eye roll that made my back stiffen.

I opened my mouth to reply, but closed it. Despite this girl, Jessica, having some kind of chemical imbalance, on top of her obvious insecurities, I preferred to avoid confrontations.

Get through the day as smoothly as possible, and don't attract attention. That was always the motto I lived by. As Renee's daughter I had no defences.

I turned to Alice deciding to ignore Jessica, wondering why she had remained quiet. She only threw me an awkward smile.

The moment we walked inside the cafeteria, I spotted Jake and Nessie and immediately felt a surge of relief. They smiled over at me brightly, motioning for me to join them. I took a step in their direction before I stopped myself, hesitating. Alice had been incredible to me all day, I knew it'd be rude if I didn't sit with her. Even if it meant sitting with screwy Jessica as well.

I smiled back at them apologetically and motioned that I was sitting with Alice. I noticed an emotion flicker across Jake's face that looked almost like hostility. He eventually grinned back, almost begrudgingly, and shrugged his shoulders, nodding in a way that said, _it's cool._

I sat at the table with my tray of food in front of me trying to remain indifferent to the fact that most of the school was packed into that small lunch room, and the attention on me was suddenly concentrated. I could feel myself shrink into my jacket, wishing I'd decided to sit with Jake.

Alice was chatting with Rosalie, trying to draw me into their conversation, but I remained guarded as well as self-conscious. In an attempt to distract myself, I watched Jessica. I noticed she kept scanning the room, her eyebrows bunched in frustration as she steadily glowered to herself. Every so often she'd turn to look at me again with narrowed eyes; I only stared back feeling my forehead crease with confusion.

Did I run over her cat in my last life?

After several repeats she suddenly directed her attention firmly on me, and when she spoke her tone was condescending. "So tell us, Bella, why'd you move from Australia?"

My heart seemed to stall in my chest for a moment, before it picked up pace. That was not something I was prepared to discuss with anyone, and I suspected Jessica was well aware of it.

"It's kind of p-personal," I stammered, feeling my cheeks flush. I moved my gaze away from her and hoped she'd let it go.

"Oh?" the tone of her snotty voice rose.

I shifted uncomfortably in my chair, praying that someone would quickly intervene and sway the conversation away from me. I looked over at Alice; again she had her back to me and seemed to be having some kind of silent conversation with Jessica; who was looking from her to me with a smug grin on her face.

"Can we please talk about something else," I said softly, trying to keep my voice even, when Jessica turned an arched, questioning eyebrow in my direction.

I was not going to mention Renee, just so this bitch could ridicule me, but I was in the midst of a growing panic attack. What did this town know about me and Renee? I knew small towns—I knew how secrets had a way of getting out.

"Well, I'm just curious, Bella," Jessica said with a mocking smile, before continuing, raising her voice just short of the entire cafeteria hearing her. "Because people around Forks are saying that your parents abandoned you. Didn't they want you?"

My heart froze.

"Jessica—shut the fuck up!" I heard Rosalie speak up, as I felt the colour drain slowly from my face.

I was keenly aware that every pair of eyes in the room were centred on me, making my face burn so deeply that it almost felt chilled. I cleared my throat past a gathering of emotion and met Jessica's gaze.

She had a look of self-satisfaction on her face.

Angry, humiliated tears began to well in my eyes, when all of a sudden it dawned on me. I had walked straight into it. This was all some kind of game, joke—initiation to laugh at the new girl. And Alice—Alice had set me up from the very beginning.

When I turned toward Alice, she was already staring at me, her eyes wide and incomprehensible. Her face was one of pure guilt.

I was suddenly so rigid with anger that it was almost debilitating.

She made some movement to shake her head and speak, but I cut her off.

"Fuck you, Alice!" I spat, jumping up from the table and clumsily knocking over my lunch tray in my haste.

I had to get out of there—away from every single pair of eyes that were all staring shamelessly at Renee Dwyer's daughter.

I clumsily left the room as hot, angry tears inevitably spilled over and down my face.

Outside it was raining, as it seemed to do permanently, and the cold hit me like a solid wall of ice. I hugged my arms around myself and all but collapsed up against the brick wall of the building, fighting to keep my breathing even, and angry at myself for falling spectacularly apart.

Thousands of kilometres away in another country, I was still the same person I was in Australia. Pathetic and spineless!

It was then that Jacob and Nessie came around the corner. Jacob was gazing at me with the sweetest expression of concern that my face immediately crumbled. Without a word he wrapped his huge arms around me, engulfing me to his chest.

"I'm so sorry, Bells. I should have warned you."

_Warned me_?

With a burst of angry energy, I immediately pulled myself together. Releasing myself from Jake's arms, I stubbornly wiped away my tears.

Renee was out of my life—I was _not _that Bella anymore, and I wouldn't let anyone make me believe otherwise!

Alice was one cunning actress; she'd fooled me so convincingly.

"What happened, Bella? What did they say to you?" Nessie asked tentatively.

"Yeah, Bells, 'cause your face went ten shades of red white and grey," Jacob quipped, though his eyes were still glistening with angry concern, and despite myself I laughed humourlessly.

I had no doubt it did.

I explained it as best I could without mentioning any reference to my mother. As I reflected over it, my chest restricted with equal amounts of both anger and mortification. Bringing up Renee, having the whole school know about her? I shuddered at the prospect.

She was no longer a relevant part of my life, and I refused to draw her back in.

"Those Cullens! I should have warned you about them, Bells. They're fuckers," Jake sneered suddenly between clenched teeth.

I was startled. He had such a look of hatred on his face that for a moment he was almost unrecognisable.

"I don't understand Alice. She's usually really nice … usually, but, Jake and Edward have a lot of bad blood," Nessie explained to me delicately. "You should have seen them inside just now. They were going to rip each other's limbs off."

"I would have too, if it wasn't for Nessie pulling me away to look for you, Bells." Jacob grinned wryly.

"Why would you and Ed—" I breeched the subject, surprised, but Jacob interjected.

"I was going to sort both those Cullens out, then and there!" The sudden rage had ingrained itself in his expression, so much so that it made him appear very un-Jacob like again.

I sighed loudly and wiped my face dry.

Bloody hell, I really was becoming famous.

"Don't worry about it, Jake. It's not worth it," I said with a sigh, before, feeling slightly shaky, I turned in the direction of the cafeteria.

"You don't have to go back in, Bella," Nessie spoke up with alarm, and I knew her concern wasn't reserved only for me.

"Yes I do. Bugger if I'm going to run away," I spoke more or less to myself with quiet resolve.

Run and hide; lock myself in the girl's toilets like I used to, while praying that I could escape to somewhere where no one knew me. Where I could start over.

I _had _escaped, and I wasn't going to let the poison of my past continue to infect me.

I paused at the entrance and peered in. With a huge feeling of relief, I noticed Alice's table was empty. I was so completely wrong about her that I was surprised at myself. I was usually a good judge of character, and I was completely convinced of Alice's sincerity.

With Jake and Nessie following closely, I stepped back into the room, and of course as soon as I entered, half the cafeteria turned to stare at me. Looking awkwardly at my feet, I took measured steps toward the table where Jake and Nessie had sat previously, but after I sat down, I realised they weren't with me. I turned around quickly in confusion. They'd barely moved from the entrance, while the cafeteria of students stared with curious anticipation from Jake to Edward Cullen; who was standing in the middle of the room glaring.

I glanced at Edward before back to Jacob; observing with a nervous thud in my chest as they stood in a silent standoff, fuming at each other. Jake's eyes blazed angrily while Edward's face hardened, his jaw going rigid; his hands balled into fists. I drew in my breath fearful for a moment by the animosity behind it, when Edward slowly broke his gaze from Jake's and locked his intense green eyes with mine. His eyes at first were wide and surprised before they slowly narrowed as a deep scowl transfixed his expression.

I could only blink in confusion and self-consciousness, before severing his gaze as Jake and Nessie sat beside me at the table.

"Cullen is really asking for it," Jake mumbled angrily.

Nessie sighed exasperated. "Oh, Jake, just ignore him."

I only sat in silence, flustered and bewildered by what was happening, but determined to pull myself together ahead of my next class.

Lunch breaks at Forks High were considerably shorter than what I'd expected, but in truth I couldn't wait to escape the torture chamber that the cafeteria had become. I was also overwhelmingly relieved and thankful that the only class I didn't have with Alice, Biology, was next.

I was late; Nessie had dragged me into the girl's bathroom to fix up my appearance—not that there was much I could do about it. I couldn't hide the fact that I'd been crying—something that made me feel more awkward. I didn't like to draw attention to myself.

When I walked into the classroom, I was met with the same agitating stares; only now they burned with even more curiosity than before. I noticed with some quiet thanks that none of Alice's friends were in the class, but it wasn't that which stopped my breath short and caused my pulse to start racing.

Alice's brother Edward was in my class.

He, like everyone else in the room, looked over at me as I entered. But as my eyes met his, he very openly groaned to himself and rolled his eyes. Then slowly, with very deliberate movements, he moved the empty stool that was beside him out for me and motioned for me to sit down.

It was _far_ from a warm gesture.

I quickly scanned the class for another spare stool, only to discover there wasn't any. The only spare seat was beside _him_.

With my heartbeat no doubt increasing the colour of my cheeks, I walked over reluctantly, with my eyes down turned, and sat stiffly in the stool beside him.

He didn't look in my direction as I sat down. In fact, he turned his head even further from me as he sat with his arms folded on the table, completely and blatantly ignoring me. I glanced at him for a moment and the complete arrogance of his stance pissed me off.

What was his problem? I wondered. Did he have an issue with me simply because I was related to Jacob? I felt the anger surge in me further.

_Bloody child!_ I fumed to myself silently.

The class that day was doing a pop quiz, and although I was new, the teacher, Mr Banner, suggested I do it as well to see where my level of education was. He went down the middle of the room handing out two test sheets to the students sitting next to the aisle; to then give a paper to their partner. I slid a sheet to Edward, who took it, very careful not to touch me while keeping his eyes averted from me.

The quiz was familiar, and I knew most of the answers, only half way through, my stupid pen decided to run out of ink.

"Great," I muttered to myself, releasing my breath shortly.

I shook the pen softly at first. No ink. Then with more vigour—still no ink. Attempting a new strategy, I began tapping it on the desk before I was soon thumping it with rising frustration. I didn't have another pen, because of the idiot that I was, I'd only brought one to school with me, and that one was clearly only good for stabbing wanker biology partners with.

Something I wouldn't have minded doing right then, and despite myself, the prospect of it made me break into an immediate smile.

It was then that I became aware that Edward was very discreetly watching me. His head was tilted fractionally in my direction as a small, amused smile was twitching at his lips.

Noticing that I'd caught him, he quickly concealed it by placing his hand over his mouth, clearing his throat, but when he took his hand away, a hint of it was still there.

My pulse quickened, while the idea that he'd been watching me take my frustration out on my pen embarrassed me.

This only made me scoff to myself beneath my breath. What did I care what this asshole thought of me?

I glanced at him quickly, his face was softer and the hostility he was emanating toward me seemed to have eased. I began to consider the possibility that maybe I had over analysed his behaviour; maybe his mood had nothing to do with me at all.

Feeling more confident about it, I turned back towards him, hesitating a fraction, before I cleared my throat softly to gain his attention. He glanced at me, his eyes catching mine momentarily before he looked away again and back to his paper. The expression on his face was blank, apart from a mild curiosity.

"Yes?" he asked me, his eyes not leaving his test sheet.

I immediately felt uncertain, but swallowed stubbornly past it. "Do you have a spare pen I could borrow?" Despite my best efforts, my voice remained timid and shy. It aggravated me.

He turned his head slightly in my direction, without looking at me squarely. "No, I don't," he answered shortly, before going back to ignoring me; the hostility back in his posture.

I felt my skin prickle with humiliation before I tore my gaze from him, feeling my expression turn stormy.

His eyes didn't venture farther than his paper again, and he went back to being very careful to not touch me; even accidentally with his elbows as he wrote.

I snorted almost openly, feeling stupid that I'd ever thought he could be different. _This _was how the boys treated me in Australia, as if I had a disease—at least when they weren't testing me out to see if I was anything like my mother.

Well fuck you, _Alice's brother_—you're no different!

I raised my hand and asked the teacher if I could borrow a pen, then before I continued my quiz, I stole another glance at Edward. He had his eyes on his test, oblivious to my existence.

I think I preferred being humiliated.

I finished the quiz and waited, uncomfortable and impatient for the bell to ring. I didn't say another word to him, but pathetically attempted to rationalise why Edward Cullen seemed to hate me, worried that somehow he knew who I was—that it had got out around Forks of who I really was and where I really came from.

Obviously, Jake was right about the Cullens.

Finally, after one of the longest hours of my life, the lesson was over. I was one of the first people out the door. I couldn't have gotten away from Edward Cullen quick enough.

I walked to Gym with the scowl permanently transfixed to my face, pissed off at myself that I ever expected people to treat me differently.

Since I was new and didn't have gym clothes, I got to sit it out. It was the first positive since the cafeteria and Bio with Edward-psychopath-Cullen.

With a huge sigh of relief, I grabbed a book out of my bag and headed up the bleachers. It was my plan also to avoid Alice. I felt her eyes on me constantly; she was acting strange. The one time that I met her gaze, her face was remorseful, but I shrugged it off cynically. Maybe she realised her little scheme had gone too far and felt bad about it. I pushed all thoughts of Alice and her brother from my mind and kept my face stuck behind my book.

Gym ended, as did the school day. I had to make one final stop in at the office and I could leave. I was eager for it, as much as I was to continue avoiding Alice. As much as I tried ignoring her, she kept trying to grab my attention, and when gym ended, she caught my gaze and gestured to me to talk.

I had no intention of it.

Since I didn't have to dress out of gym clothes like the rest of the class, I was well ahead of Alice. I was hoping there would be no chance I'd run into her again, but the stopover in the office set us even. As I was walking to the parking lot, I noticed her a few feet away walking in the same direction. I stepped up my pace; a stupid thing to do under the circumstances, because when I was just a few metres from my car, I stumbled and dropped everything I was carrying.

I really just wanted to scream, swear and chuck a hissy fit, but instead, I took a deep breath and remaining calm, I kneeled down to pick up the books and paperwork that were scattered around me.

Alice was instantly beside me, helping.

I turned to her, sighing in complete angry frustration.

Her expression was sombre and apologetic. "Bella, I'm te—" she attempted to blurt out, but I cut her off angrily.

"Go away, Alice. Haven't you made enough of a fool of me today?" I snatched the book that she held out for me, got to my feet and continued toward my car. I noticed Jacob at this point; he was striding over from where he'd been waiting for me beside the Jeep, his glare fixed behind me, on Alice.

When he reached her—towering over her, making her appear even smaller—he pointed a long, accusing finger at her. "Stay away from Bella, _Cullen_," he spat her name, "and keep those bitches of yours on a leash!"

I groaned softly. "Jake ..." I sighed to myself aloud, when suddenly Edward was suddenly in front of him, facing off with him and looking incredibly threatening.

"Why don't you watch your mouth and who you're talking to, _Swan!"_ he growled at Jake lowly, the muscles in his arms tensing at his sides.

Jake didn't back away; instead he straightened himself to his full height, balling his hands into fists. "Why don't you make me, _princess_?"

And Edward looked like he was going to.

"Oh crap!" I muttered, drawing in my breath, and fighting the urge to cover my ears with my hands as if I was five.

"Edward, _don't!_" Alice said sternly, but her voice was strained.

Her eyes flickered to mine. I glared at her angrily.

_See what you've done? _I wanted to yell at her, but didn't. There was a dejected look in her eyes that distracted me for a moment, and I was worried about Jacob. He was _not_ going to get into a fight with Edward because of me

"Jake, no!" I called out pleadingly.

It was Edward and not Jake who turned and glanced over at me, but he turned back to Jake before I could read the expression on his face.

Every student that was in the parking lot begun to crowd around, all staring with eager, blood-lusting eyes. Nessie shoved her way through them and ran toward Jake.

"Jake, just leave it," she pleaded with him, grabbing his hand and anxiously trying to pull him away.

I had Jake by the other arm tugging him, with no hope of being able to move him if he didn't want to be.

"Jake, please don't. It's not worth it!" I begged him.

Alice was doing the same thing with Edward, but unlike Jake, Edward relented. He seemed to sigh to himself in a resigned way before allowing Alice to pull him away, but not before turning back to Jacob and growling, "Next time, you won't have _Daddy_ to save you, _Jakey_."

"Next time you won't have your sister to hide behind, _Cullen,_" Jacob shot back furiously, dragging Nessie and I with him as he took a step closer; closing the distance again between he and Edward.

Edward turned to completely face Jake again. I groaned, just as Alice did, when Jasper, Alice's boyfriend, was suddenly on the scene.

"Come on, dude, let it go," he said quietly, shooting a guarded glance at Jake, before reaching out and grabbing a fist full of Edward's jacket and pulling him back. Again, Edward conceded, brushing off Jasper and glaring at Jake one last time before he turned around to walk away.

Jacob allowed Nessie and I to drag him away at this point, and before I reached my car, I turned back preparing to throw Edward Cullen the most _ever-come-near-me-again-and-I'll-knee-your-balls-through-your-mouth _look I could manage. He was already gazing back at me, and the look he gave back surprised me. As his eyes reached mine, his expression, although still dark from anger, was … disheartened.

But then what the hell did I know! He obviously had some kind of personality disorder, I thought, distracted, as I climbed into the jeep.

It took all Nessie's powers of persuasion and a bit more to calm Jake down as we drove home. He was furious.

"The nerve of them!" he fumed. "They're the ones that start all this crap today, and they act as if they're totally innocent!"

"Jake, please just forget about it." I sighed, scratching my forehead feeling more and more unsettled and agitated.

My first day of school in a new country and I practically unleashed world war three on the place. Maybe I just brought out that reaction in people. Maybe, like Renee, it'd be just a matter of time before Billy and Jacob tired of me too. Maybe it was futile moving here in the first place.

"Hey, I'm sorry, Bella," Jake said, suddenly remorseful and sincere, before breaking into a warm smile. He sat forward from the back seat and punched me playfully in the arm.

I broke into a knowing grin. "Don't be a dag, Jake."

He chuckled, satisfied that he made me smile, before he turned back to Nessie for some more cringe inducing slop.

Nessie came back to Billy's with Jake and me.

Jake and Nessie's public, and not so public, displays of affection were fast becoming notorious. Because of this, they were forbidden by Nessie's father, as well as Billy, from being in the house alone together.

But since I lived there too, they weren't technically alone anymore.

I didn't mind it at all—not that I'd minded it the day before—I was grateful for Nessie being there; she kept the mood light. Her and Jake's antics were so distracting it kept my mind from my rather volatile emotions that I was sure were going to burst all over the place the minute I was alone.

But still, there was only so much I could tolerate, and after an hour of their presence, I moved to the kitchen table to start my homework. Five minutes into it there was a knock on the front door.

Jake answered it.

"What the hell do you want now, Cullen?" I heard him growl, and my heart caught in my throat.

"I need to speak to Bella. _Please,_ Jacob," a small voice spoke beseechingly.

Alice!

I hurried to the door, worried about what Jake might do that would bring Edward Cullen boring down on him again.

Alice stood on the door step looking remorseful and awkward.

I gazed back at her feeling all the anger and humiliation from earlier that day rise to the surface again. I folded my arms across my chest, about to tell her to bugger off and not come back, when she quickly blurted, "Bella, please, just hear me out, then I'll leave you alone—for good if you want me to."

Her eyes were pleading, jade green and intense—the same colour eyes as Edward's, only vastly different in their likeness. At the moment they were glistening with regret.

I sighed. "Okay then, get on with it."

"Bella—I'm so terribly sorry for what Jessica said to you at lunch today. Despite what you think, I had absolutely _no idea_ she would do such a thing—"

I interrupted, despite my promise not to, "Well, why didn't you tell her to shut the hell up, like a decent person would have done?"

"I was trying to tell her _discreetly_, Bella. I …" she paused for a moment and sighed to herself, before continuing, "I didn't want you to know about the rumours going around." Her tone turned almost bitter.

My stomach clenched tightly, and Alice quickly elaborated, "I was trying to tell her to shut the hell up, without making it obvious to you that something _was _up—if that makes any sense." She sounded sincere.

I nodded; it did. "What _are_ the rumours?" I asked finally, feeling suddenly tense, and not sure if I really wanted to know.

"Just … just what Jessica said," Alice admitted reluctantly.

I sighed, rubbing my forehead with the palm of my hand, unsure if I was satisfied about it or not.

"I can't believe what Jessica said to you, Bella. It was awful. I was _so_ angry at her and _so_ _embarrassed_ for you," Alice added, her voice soft yet impassioned.

I only nodded, not really wanting to go into it and run the risk of having to elaborate on anything.

"I'm sorry," she replied gently.

I looked up at her and took a deep breath. The anger was already fading from me; a release I was happy to let go of. I believed her. "It wasn't your fault, Alice."

She broke into a warm smile, before her expression turned stormy. "I'm so over Jessica—she's only been hanging out with me to get to my brother!"

I only blinked, suddenly recalling _her brother_, and the shitty way he treated me that afternoon. I felt the frown bunch my forehead, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that my pulse also quickened.

I folded my arms across my chest, my fingers tugging on my lower lip, becoming distracted; I only shrugged. My thoughts were beginning to tick over, processing everything that had happened that day. I wasn't sure I really wanted to delve into it any deeper. I released my breath, forcing my focus back to Alice.

"I'm sorry I blamed you for it, Alice," I confessed.

She'd been gazing at me dubiously, when her expression relaxed. "It's ok, Bella. I don't blame you at all."

My arms were still folded, but this time it was to shield myself from the cold. I sighed and fixed my gaze at my feet, relieved that Alice, at least, wasn't who I thought she was. When I raised my eyes back to her again, it was with a warm smile. "Wanna come in?" I offered.

"Sure," she replied brightly.

"Also, I'm sorry about what happened in the parking lot with Edward and Jacob," she explained as I led her upstairs to my room. "I feel so responsible for it all."

I turned to her; her forehead creased with the sudden onset of irritation and she rolled her eyes slightly.

I wanted to tell her that her brother was a wanker and he needed to leave my cousin alone, but I didn't. I wasn't sure why.

Maybe I was more like my mother than I thought….

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Next chapter is from Edward's POV to explain his assholey attitude.**


	4. Bella and the Ferret

**A/N: Get the 411 on Edward. **

* * *

**Chapter 4**

**Bella and the Ferret**

**Edward's POV**

I was usually exhausted after baseball drill. _Usually,_ I was freaking spent, but today I felt on edge.

I walked through the back door into the kitchen and dropped my sports bag on the tiled floor with a loud thud. My skin was itchy with dried sweat; I was uncomfortable, but it wasn't only physically. We'd had a long, hard practice—nothing out of the ordinary. I should have been wiped out and thinking about nothing but bed, but….

Sighing heavily, I ran my hand back through my hair. It was damp, proof that I'd worked my ass off, because I was so freaking uptight, I was starting to convince myself I'd slacked off.

I took a step toward the refrigerator, noting that the house was unusually quiet—evidence that Emmett wasn't home, if nothing else. I smirked and reached for the door, suddenly famished. I usually came home starving after drill, so at least nothing was different in that sense.

Deciding I was more hungry than I was concerned about why I was agitated, I shrugged it from my thoughts and grabbed the handle on the refrigerator, when I noticed the note that was stuck on the door:

**Em, Ed and Alice,**

**I am meeting Carlisle after work for dinner; we'll be home about 9 o'clock. Clean up after dinner, and Rose and Jazz are to be home by 8!**

**Love**

**Mom x**

I scoffed lightly to myself. Mom was finally allowing herself to be a newlywed with Carlisle, instead of insisting on being home to constantly supervise us, and making sure we were _coping _with her new marriage; as if we were nine and ten instead of seventeen and eighteen. I was happy she was finally relaxing.

Grabbing a clean plate from the dishwasher, I began filling it with food. I was shoulder deep in the refrigerator when the back door opened and light footsteps trod across the tiles, alerting me that the rat was home. I ducked my head around the refrigerator door. Alice was leaning up against the breakfast table with an easy going grin on her face. I threw her a quick welcoming smile then went back to stacking my plate.

_Obviously she's gotten over the bullshit that happened today_, I thought absently to myself, just as my whole mindset shifted. The events from earlier today came flooding back to me, instantly bombarding me with an arsenal of emotions that ranged from pissed off, to frustration, to ... something else ... . It had suddenly changed my whole internal structure, and I struggled to shove it back. Instead, I became impatient with myself.

What did it matter anyway? Another day at school and another bullshit incident with _Swan_. The last thing I needed in my life at that point was _another _one.

I gripped the door of the refrigerator while my irritation quickly peaked before it gave way to confusion. As much as I hated to admit it, I wasn't entirely convinced she was like her cousin, and I had nothing whatsoever to back it up with. I made a disgusted kind of noise that echoed through the inside of the refrigerator. She'd told Alice to go fuck herself in the middle of the cafeteria; what other evidence did I need to prove that she was just another Swan asshole?

"Hard practice, Edward? 'Cause you look kinda … funny," Alice observed.

I glanced over to her; her easy expression was slowly giving way to curiosity. "Yeah, same as usual, I guess." I shrugged, ignoring her _"funny" _comment before I went back to piling food on my plate.

"Not that hungry today, huh? I guess the fifty pound steak you ate last night must have filled you up," Alice commented, her tone dry. She was eyeing my plate of food incredulously as I sat down with it at the breakfast table.

I looked over at her and flashed her a quick grin, my mouth crammed full of food. Her eyebrows knotted together in obvious disgust before she shook her head to herself.

"Well, _Pixie_, since _I _didn't stop growing at three foot six, I need a lot more nutrition," I teased her after swallowing past the first mouthful.

She threw me a quick scowl. "Ha-ha, very funny, Edward. I'm five foot two, thank you very much!"

"If you say so," I replied with a deliberate mocking grin. Her replying indignant expression made me laugh, before I turned my attention back to my food.

Emmett and I had been calling Alice _'Pixie' _since she was five. Alice was my twin sister, younger by only a couple of minutes, but at seventeen she was at least a foot shorter than both of us. And as much as she was vertically challenged, she was just as scrawny.

"What are you so happy with yourself for anyway?" I asked her casually.

"I went to see Bella and explained everything. I'm so glad she listened, because I've been feeling really shitty ever since lunch today," she answered with a sigh.

At the mention of Bella's name my throat closed up. It took several moments of choking and spluttering before I was able to reply. "What did you need to explain for?" I asked tightly.

Alice gave me an odd look. "Isn't it obvious?"

I paused for a moment in thought, but came up blank. I shook my head in answer.

She scoffed. "Were you _in_ the cafeteria today, Edward? Didn't you hear what Jessica said to her?"

I began feeling agitated again. I shook my head, slower this time.

Alice huffed at me in frustration, rolling her eyes. "Jessica was a complete and utter nasty bitch! She practically yelled out to the entire school that Bella was abandoned by her parents. Bella was so upset—not that I could blame her—and since Jessica was supposedly my friend, she thought it was me that had set her up."

My pulse began racing.

"W-why would Jessica do that to her?" I asked awkwardly, my throat feeling restricted again.

Alice shook her head, her expression turning cloudy. "I don't know, but it was a really shitty thing to do. I'm so over Jessica."

I nodded, but I had already stopped listening. With the realization that I'd got it completely backwards, an edgy panic began to rise slowly in my chest. While I attempted to keep my expression neutral, for Alice's benefit, I racked my brain for reasons why I should even give a shit. She was Jacob Swan's cousin. The fact that she shared his last name bothered me incredibly, but it wasn't enough to deter my thoughts from wandering back to her; to the new girl at school.

I'd met her in the hall just before lunch, with Alice. She stood beside Alice looking so completely lost and self-conscious that I immediately felt myself drawn to her. So much so that when she turned to gaze up at me, with a pair of large, deep brown eyes that looked like they contained a hundred years of sadness, my whole train of thought instantly trailed off. Then she flashed me this huge fucking beautiful smile that it almost left me surprisingly dumbstruck. But those eyes of hers were haunting; they'd freaking captivated me. There was just something about her; something about the way she'd tucked her hair delicately behind her ear and continued to gaze up at me; her expression completely unreadable. She didn't fucking start battering her eyelashes at me like most of the girls would have done. In fact, she kind of looked at me as though I was making her uncomfortable….

My body temperature had shot up in that instant, and I began to feel so over heated and flustered that I had to leave, and quickly!

And as my thoughts lingered on her now, I was having the same freaking reaction.

By the time this supposed crap went down at Alice's table, I was rendered to a freaking stupor, while Jazz eyed me, with his forehead knotted up like I'd lost the plot. It was then that I heard her voice, strained and full of anger. In the next instant, I noticed Jacob and lunged from my chair. The great big fucking ape had taken a single threatening step towards Alice, glaring at her. With my mindless logic, I promptly came to the conclusion that he'd recruited his cousin in his bullshit campaign against me.

It was not long after this that I learned she was my new freaking bio partner, and to put it bluntly, I had not treated her very warmly.

I suppressed the urge to groan out loud. The fact was, I'd been a complete fucking prick.

Alice was suddenly snapping her fingers an inch from my face.

"Hello? Edward? Are you even listening?" she demanded, her brow puckering with impatience.

"Yes—what? I'm listening!"

Biology! Fuck!

With a sigh that quickly expanded into a groan, I dropped my head to my hands and ran my fingers through my tangled mess of hair. I was hoping it was coming off as nothing but exhaustion from practice—I _should _have been exhausted, after all.

Alice remained gazing at me, looking completely unconvinced; her expression quickly turning curious. "If you didn't know what happened in the cafeteria, what did you think the whole parking lot incident with Jacob was about?"

At the mere mention of Jacob Swan, my back stiffened involuntarily. "Who knows with that asshole! He'd just better stay out of my way."

Alice merely raised her brow. "Uh-huh, and about what happened…."

_Jesus here we go, _I muttered under my breath. I was expecting a lecture, and I was actually surprised she didn't just rip into me the moment she walked through the door.

"I just wish you would stop getting involved, Edward. I can take care of myself." The irritation in her tone increased with each word she spoke.

I shrugged, and her eyes narrowed impatiently.

"Look what your butting in created today? You were going to get into a fight with Jacob all because he was _rightly_ sticking up for Bella!" She was sounding frustrated, but it didn't move me. The fact that bastard rose from his chair to threatened her was evidence enough that_ I_ had it exactly right about him.

"Is that what he was doing?" I didn't bother to keep the sarcasm from my voice.

"_Yes!_" Alice exclaimed, going from irritated to pissed off.

I shrugged indifferently again and her expression darkened, making me feel more uneasy than I was willing to admit.

"You do the same thing all the time, Edward—you know you do!"

She was right, but then again she usually was. Emmett and I had a silent agreement never to admit it to her. There would be no freaking living with her afterwards.

As brothers and sisters went, Alice and I were close. I was protective of her; I always would be. But when she got sick ... well, I guess I'd become slightly overbearing.

I let my thoughts wander back to Bella again, at lunch in the cafeteria. Whatever had happened with Jessica slut-bag Stanley, Bella had been pretty upset, and had run from the room, her face all blotchy and flushed.

After another half-suppressed groan, I was ready—at the barest minimum—to acknowledge that maybe Jacob was only sticking up for her. This was regardless that I presumed he only did shit just to piss me off.

But it made sense.

"Okay, you have a point," I admitted, reaching out to scratch the back of my head distractedly.

"I just wish you'd ease up a little bit, Edward." Alice sighed seriously, the anger in her tone easing.

I took a long breath and released it with mocking exaggeration. "Okay, okay."

She smiled looking satisfied, before she added, "And I wish you'd let go of this whole Jacob thing too. I mean, it's so old now."

"What exactly am I holding onto?" I replied indignantly.

She rolled her eyes and continued on her present trajectory. "Would you believe that he was very sweet and polite to me when Bella and I sorted everything out? Though, when he first opened the door he told me to piss off." She laughed to herself.

"Yeah ... that's great, pixie-stick. I'm happy for you," I muttered without bothering to hide the sarcasm from my tone.

I did _not _want to listen to how sweet Jacob was. The thought of it made me want to freaking hurl! Sweet was the last thing that bastard was, and if I ever saw him threaten Alice again…. I forced these thoughts from my mind. I could feel my face going tense with anger, and Alice was staring at me with increasing impatience.

"Okay—alright have it your way then!" she huffed at me, frustrated.

I continued eating, feeling more and more freaking edgy. I shoved the food down my throat, no longer having the appetite for it.

"Where is everyone anyway? Is Mom out with Carlisle?" Alice asked, after a moment of studying me. I ignored her—or tried to anyway.

"Yeah." I motioned with my eyes to the note that was stuck to the refrigerator.

Alice plucked it off and read it quickly.

"Thank _God _for that. I thought she'd never relax. Honestly, does she still think we're going to go off the rails about her marrying Carlisle?" she exclaimed, scoffing to herself.

My replying smile was tight. I shrugged.

Her attention soon switched back to me. She walked back over to where I was sitting, still busy eating, sat down opposite me and folded her arms; all with deliberate emphasis.

"So, what's _really _bothering you, Edward? It's not this whole thing with Jake Swan, is it?" Her brow knotted as she studied me closely in that way she often did that unnerved the freaking crap out of me; when she was seeing straight through me.

"He doesn't bother me, Alice, I'm fine," I replied lowly. It was true, he didn't bother me, but the fact the Bella was his cousin bothered the hell out of me. The reason for _that_ was another matter entirely. _That_, I had no answers for.

Alice continued gazing at me, her eyebrows coming further together the longer her eyes lingered on me. I waited with bated breath, my freaking hands beginning to tremble. I put my fork down so she wouldn't notice.

"You might as well spill it, Edward. I know something's up with you," she spoke at last.

I sighed beneath my breath, and thought about just admitting it to her. Why did I have to hide it? Would it be so hard just to confess; _your friend Bella is pretty, too bad she's related to that prick Jacob Swan!_

Common sense quickly reminded me that in disclosing that information to Alice, Jazz would know about it less than an hour later. I went with a different angle.

"Honestly, Alice, I think you've been snorting the pixie dust again, 'cause there's nothing wrong with me—really."

She snorted, unimpressed. "You can joke all you want, _brother dear_, but you know I'll get to the bottom of this sooner or later."

She would!

I stood up a little too quickly, jolting the table as I did. I tried to keep up an indifferent appearance, but I knew I had to exit and fast. If I remained alone with the little ferret a minute longer, she'd crack me. We both knew it.

"I'm going to have a shower. Is Jazz coming over later?" I was too casual and on top of it, I was suddenly feeling all freaking flustered and overheated.

The same fucking way I had in Biology today.

"You know he is! Stop trying to get out of this, Edward!" Her curiosity was beginning to make her impatient.

I only had seconds.

"Alice, I'm fine—_Jesus_. I'm just tired," I insisted, thinking if I sounded pissed off it would get her off my back.

It was an optimistic thought at best.

I was half way up the stairs when I heard Alice call after me, "You can run, but you can't hide, Edward!"

I had a shower, but I was so freaking on edge that it—or the idea of jerking off—did little to ease it. After wards, I remained upstairs for as long as I could without increasing Alice's suspicions that I was avoiding her. Besides, she couldn't work out what was up with me when I barely knew myself. The idea gave me comfort for about a minute, before I scoffed out loud at the idea and discarded it. The little rat had an uncanny ability to read me; she knew instantly when something was up with me, and usually before I was even aware of it myself.

Okay, so I was willing to admit that Bella Swan had had an immediate impact on me. What it was exactly I couldn't say. All I could say for certain was that she'd gotten under my skin the minute I'd laid eyes on her, and I was finding it increasingly harder to keep her from my thoughts. Even when I thought she was just another Swan asshole today—as brief as that was—she'd still plagued my mind in a way that didn't seem freaking rational to me. The only thing I was positive about at the moment was that I had to apologize to Bella for being a bastard, and as soon as possible. As ridiculous as it seemed, the thought of Bella's opinion of me based on my actions in Bio today bothered the crap out of me.

When I went back down stairs Jazz, Emmett, Rose and Alice were all eating pizza at the kitchen counter. Alice flashed me a smug, sarcastic look as I walked in the room, but didn't say anything, and went back to feeding Jazz his pizza. I shuddered at the sight of them and reached over Emmett, taking a slice out of the box.

"Oh my God, Edward! You're still hungry?" she exclaimed, turning from Jazz to stare at me aghast.

I ignored her.

"So, elfling, spill the beans on _Bella Dundee._ I saw you hanging with her today," Emmett inquired sounding only partially interested; his mouth full of pizza.

I felt my body instantly go tense, and immediately fucking over heated. I quickly shoved the pizza down my throat.

Emmett attempted to speak again, only Rose immediately slapped him in the back of the head. "Em, can you kindly not speak with your mouth full of food! You look like a bear!"

Emmett chuckled then grabbed Rose and attempted to kiss her, with his mouth still full of pizza, but Rose whipped a nail file out of her purse in lightning speed and held it to Emmett's face.

At this point I forced myself to look away, while I knew praying for freaking death wouldn't work from the numerous times it had failed in the past. So I did my best to ignore them as I shoved more pizza down my throat and tried not to gag. It was so _wonderful_ that my brother and sister had people in their lives, but being subjected to it on a daily basis definitely took its toll on my freaking sanity.

Alice lightly laughed; she'd finished feeding Jazz his dinner as if he was a fucking decrepit and turned to Emmett. "Em, Bella _Swan_ is very nice. She's quite funny actually. I asked her what her and her friends did on the weekends in Australia. She said they mostly _bludged, _then she laughed. I laughed too, but I have no idea what she meant."

"Bludged? Is that … like a sport?" Jazz asked; he was serious. I almost laughed, though I had no idea what it meant either and I was curious; more than I wanted to admit.

Emmett did laugh, wholeheartedly. "Did she bludge the kangaroos, or bludge the snakes for dinner?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "I really doubt it, Emmett, and if you ever say anything like that to her, I'll _bludge_ over you with my car."

"She's nice enough, but a little odd," Rose added simply, looking up from grooming her nails with the nail file she'd threatened to stab Emmett with a moment before.

"She's _not_ odd!" Alice insisted. "She felt really self-conscious today with everyone looking at her and stupid kids coming up to her and asking her to say _'G'day mate'_."

"Does she say that?" Jazz asked with an amused grin. He wrapped his arms around Alice again, and I was forced to look away and pretend I didn't notice where the asshole had his hands.

"I never heard her say it. She says _bloody _a lot, though," Alice answered beginning to chuckle.

Emmett cocked an eyebrow. "Bludging and bloody? So, ah, does she carry around one of those big ass knives as well? That ain't a knife, _this_ is a knife." Was his attempt at impersonating Crocodile Dundee, because my brother really was that much of a dickhead.

Jazz laughed—but of course that idiot would—while Rose only rolled her eyes.

When I looked up again, I caught Alice's gaze. She was smirking at me the way she often did whenever Emmett said or did anything that was so typically moronic of him. But the instant her eyes locked onto mine, I knew I was in more trouble than I was before.

"You still _tired,_ Edward?" she asked after a moment, with a mocking display of concern.

"He's been acting like this _all day._" Jazz snorted, folding his arms.

"Jesus—how many times do I have to freaking say there's nothing wrong with me?" I demanded, annoyed that freaking Jazz had decided to jump on the bandwagon. "I-I feel like I'm getting a cold or something, that's all," I added, my voice hitching at the back of my throat. I huffed to myself inwardly, wishing I'd just kept my mouth shut.

Emmett, thankfully, was distracted with his cell phone at that moment, and Jazz's interest in my moods barely went past his 'what's up, dudes', but from Alice's expression, I knew she'd dug herself a huge chunk of interest.

For the rest of the night I hung with Jazz and Alice just to keep up appearances. The conversation stayed away from Bella; in fact I kept her out of it by keeping the topic on baseball. Not that Alice minded; her mouth was otherwise kept busy. It took a lot of fucking self-control to stay in the kitchen as long as I did. Afterwards, I was given a sickening freaking insight into Alice and Jazz's relationship—something I never had any desire in knowing. It was all in vain anyway, Alice wasn't convinced any more than I was myself, and I knew it'd only be a matter of time before I'd have her on my back again.

At around 7:30pm I escaped to my room, leaving them to molest each other without a fifth wheel, and before I puked up the pizza I'd eaten.

It was just after eight, when Alice knocked on my door.

"Edward, can I come in?" she called.

I groaned pointedly, hoping to deter her, running my hands down my face in exasperation. "No!" I called back shortly.

She came in anyway and sat down on my bed, turning to me. "Okay, out with it!" she demanded as though it was my duty to obey her.

"Are you going to get it through your gerbil brains that there's nothing up with me?" I answered dryly, and knowing full well that teasing her wouldn't get me immunity.

She ignored me and folded her arms. "You've been acting strange ever since the parking lot. If it's not Jacob, then what is it?"

"Okay then, _how_ have I been acting strange?" I challenged her.

She raised her eyebrows with a sardonic freaking expression on her face. "Oh please, do you really want me to answer that?"

"Look, Alice, I don't know what to tell you"— I didn't—" but there's nothing wrong with me." I attempted to sound sincere, even if it was for my own benefit. I laid back on my bed and brought my hands up to cover my face.

"I know there is, Edward, you might as well tell me. I'm not leaving till you do," she said stubbornly after a brief silence, where I knew the evil little rat was gauging me.

I groaned, exaggerating my frustration and pulled myself half up, resting on my elbows. "You know, you're the most annoying person on the planet."

She just smiled at me smugly.

"Get out! I'm going to bed!" I grumbled, flopping myself back down and running both my hands rigidly through my hair, staring up at the ceiling.

"Nu-uh, not until you say the magic words," she drawled arrogantly.

"Get out, before I throw you out?" I cocked my head to look at her.

She scoffed but before she could properly reply, I sprung up and grabbed her around the waist in one quick motion, taking her by complete surprise. Lifting her off the bed, I carried her to the door over my shoulder, while she struggled in vain.

"Edward, put me down, stop being so juvenile!" she protested loudly, kicking her legs wildly about.

Opening my bedroom door, I dropped her down on the other side of it.

"Goodnight, Alice!" I emphasized the finality in my tone, hoping she'd leave it alone.

I was in serious denial.

She propped her hands on her hips stubbornly. "This isn't over, Edward. We both know I'll get to the bottom of this!"

I only shrugged back at her, before she whipped around and headed toward her bedroom grumbling to herself. As much as I feared the little ferret, I enjoyed riling her up.

I didn't get much sleep that night. I was anxious for it to be morning, so I could get to school and apologize to Bella for being such a prick to her. Trying to work out _why _I was so anxious to do this was the reason I couldn't sleep.

I was the last person to come down in the morning for breakfast.

"Sleep well, Edward?" Mom asked, smiling warmly when I walked in the room.

I shrugged sheepishly. "Yeah."

She passed me on the way to putting her dirty dishes in the dishwasher and leaned on her toes to kiss my cheek tenderly, before wiping my face clean of her lipstick.

"You don't look like you did," she observed with a slight frown, while Alice snorted softly to herself.

I closed my eyes momentarily, deciding to ignore her. It was better that I didn't attract Emmett's attention, after all.

I sat down at the table; Alice looked up and flashed me an all too knowing grin. Rolling my eyes at her, I grabbed the box of cereal a little too aggressively, squeezing half the contents out onto the table.

"Steady, Eddie." Emmett glanced up at me, his eyes narrowing with sudden curiosity.

It took me forty-five seconds to eat my breakfast that morning.

Surprisingly enough, Alice didn't say a word to me through breakfast. It wasn't until we got in my car for school, and I turned to her asking, "What, no interrogations this morning?" that she let her intentions be known.

She shrugged one shoulder and smiled to herself secretively. "If you don't want to tell me, that's fine. I'll find out on my own."

This freaking scared me more than her pestering!

I cleared my throat, more nervous than I was willing to admit to myself, and started the engine. My hands were trembling slightly—it was fucking ridiculous! I kept them tightly clamped around the steering wheel to disguise it and pulled out of the garage.

She deliberately pissed me off the entire way to school, with a permanent look of smug confidence and her constant _overly_ chirpy humming. So much so, that I seriously contemplated opening the passenger door while the car was moving and shoving her out onto the road.

"You sure you don't want to tell me what's going on, Edward?" She turned to me once we'd exited the car at school. She was only half teasing me this time.

I huffed out the air in my lungs, frustrated with the little rat. "Alice, if you want the honest to God truth, I don't _know _what's going on!" I regretted those words the minute they left my mouth.

What the Fuck was wrong with me?!

Locking the car, I walked away before she had a chance to reply.

I spent the morning hours distracted, both dreading and eagerly anticipating seeing Bella. But when I hadn't caught sight of her by third period, my nerves were shot and I went looking for her.

I found her and Alice straight away, heading towards their next class. Alice was busy chatting to her as Bella walked alongside her. She was hugging her books to her chest, nodding in reply intermittently and offering up shy, uncertain smiles. My heart immediately faltered and I had to exit in the direction I'd come quickly before Alice spotted me. Alice knew my schedule, and if she seen me so far out of my way, she'd put two and two together in a freaking heartbeat.

I headed to English, feeling unnerved. I had figured when I finally saw Bella I'd realize that I was attracted to her and nothing more. She was pretty; there was nothing insidious about it.

Why then did the very sight of her make me so fucking overwrought, making me practically break out into freaking hives?

Yes, I was attracted to Bella, as for the rest of it? Easy, I was coming down with mono.

As usual, I was accosted by Jessica-whorehouse-Stanley the minute I walked into English. I wasn't in the mood to put up with her sluttiness, especially since finding out that my asshole behavior towards Bella yesterday was because of hers.

"Hey, Edward," she said using the same over-used flirty tone, before leaning against my desk in a way that made her already skimpy skirt ride further up her legs.

Jazz dropped down in the chair next to me at that moment, glanced at Jessica's exposed lower half and winked at me, his expression suggestive.

"Hi, Jessica," I replied dryly, rolling my eyes at Jazz.

"So, did you hear about what that psycho new girl did to Alice yesterday? What a total schizo, huh?"

I froze for a moment, instantly annoyed.

Thankfully, it was Jazz who answered, with an impassive shrug. "The way Alice tells it, y_ou_ were the psycho, Jessica."

She was undeterred. "Alice is too forgiving. I can't _believe_ she's still friends with that _freak_."

I almost flinched, and was fast becoming pissed off. I could feel the scowl penetrating my expression and was on the verge of telling her where the fuck to go, when the teacher entered the room. He threw Jessica a measured glance and she went to her own table, taking her seat.

I scoffed to myself loudly.

"I see you're still a space cadet today," Jazz observed, a smirk creeping across his face.

"She's such a whore," I muttered in reply.

"Isn't that what you look for in girls?" the asshole added.

"Fuck you, Jazzy pants."

He grinned to himself and lightly scoffed before going in another direction. "You know Alice hates you fighting her battles for her."

It wasn't Alice's battle I was fighting though, and hearing Bella being bad mouthed made me angrier than I would have been if it was being said about Alice. It didn't make an ounce of sense; who the fuck was Bella to me?

"I think Alice wants you to sit with her at lunch today, by the way," I said to Jazz with feigned indifference. It was bullshit and I was a terrible liar.

Jazz turned to face me, observing me for a moment, his eyebrows coming together in confusion. "I thought we vetoed the girls at lunch."

We did, normally. It was my idea. Either that or I sit with Jazz and Alice as they gazed starry eyed at each other. Jazz and I usually discussed baseball at lunch anyway, which annoyed Alice to no end, and since Jazz couldn't sit with Alice without all but feeling her up in the middle of the cafeteria, it became our arrangement. It didn't seem to bother the two of them to spend their lunches apart, since they more than made up for it after school—usually in my freaking presence!

"I don't know, it's just the impression I got," I answered him with a shrug. Keeping my tone casual was not an easy thing to pull off.

"Why, is she upset or something? What did she say?" Jazz asked again, his voice rising slightly.

Jesus, couldn't he just agree to it and be done with it?

I exhaled loudly; I wanted to shove him off his chair with the exasperation that this conversation was causing me. "She just said to come and hang with her—Jesus!"

"Okay, okay. Don't bust a cap!"

A wave of uneasiness washed through me, and I immediately regretted opening my mouth at all. What the hell was I doing? I was supposed to be avoiding Alice, not hanging out with her, and my track record at lying to her was dismal at best. I might as well write it across my forehead, in big bold letters: _I am frustratingly hung up on Bella Swan._

"I wish you'd get over whatever it is you're so stressed over! It's driving me nuts!" Jazz exclaimed in a harsh whisper, a moment later.

"What do you mean?" I asked him blankly.

He scoffed. "Every two minutes you're reefing you're hair out and sighing like your granny just died."

The bell for lunch saved me from having to offer up a bullshit excuse that would only dig me into a deeper hole. As I walked out, it suddenly occurred to me that it was probably more catastrophic for me bringing Jazz and Alice together at this point, when they were both keenly aware that I was acting like a dickhead. Not that Jazz really gave a shit, but if Alice guessed...

_Fucking idiot!_

"Hey," I said to Jazz as we entered the cafeteria. "Don't tell Alice I told you to sit with her. You know what she's like."

_Lame._

He shrugged, distracted, already scanning the room for her. "Yeah, sure."

I spotted Alice, Bella and Rose almost straight away. They were all lined up in the lunch queue. And again, as my eyes rested on Bella, I could feel heat start to prickle over my skin. Tearing my eyes away, I walked over to Alice's regular table and sat down, already freaking sluggish and hot. Jazz paid me no attention as he made his way over to Alice.

I watched fucking repulsed as he approached her from behind, circle his arms around her waist, whisper something in her ear and then bury his face into the back of her neck. Cringing automatically, I fought the urge to throw my full can of cola at him.

I averted my eyes with irritation, looking back to glance over a moment later with the sole intention of seeking out Bella. She was looking at the food dubiously, clutching her tray tightly in her grip. She leaned toward Alice and spoke something to her. Alice surveyed her, tilting her head to one side in thought, before she replied in laughter, shaking her head and shrugging simultaneously. Bella bit her lower lip, smiling self-consciously before looking down at her tray, her cheeks flushing, very subtly.

I think I uttered a freaking star struck sigh, realizing I was smiling to myself like an idiot, without being fully aware of it. She was fucking mesmerizing, and all by doing nothing but looking as self-conscious as she had the day before!

I snapped myself out of it, tearing my eyes away, just as Rose sat down at the table next to me.

"You joining us today, Edward?" she asked in her perpetually bored tone.

"I guess so," I replied casually, clearing my throat. It felt parched. I cracked open my cola and took a huge gulp.

"So why the change of heart?" she inquired, her tone remaining neutral, popping open her can of diet coke.

I doubted she'd cared either way, but I motioned towards Alice and Jazz, hoping I didn't have to elaborate on it any further. Rose followed my gaze, then groaned loudly.

"So long as they remember that some people will be _eating._"

I was about to reply in agreement when the words died on my lips and my heart lodged suddenly in my throat. I found myself staring into the deep abyss that was Bella's eyes, with Jazz and Alice standing just behind her. She had faltered and came to a standstill, looking at me immediately with uncertainty.

"Hello, Edward," Alice drawled, flashing me a knowing smirk as she sat down.

What the fuck was I thinking?

I contemplated making a quick get away, but realized that it was all too late to escape now. I threw Alice a forced, sarcastic grin, and glanced deliberately past her. Bella was still gazing at me, but she hadn't moved. Her eyes shifted to Alice before back to me, looking more and more apprehensive, and the longer her eyes remained on me, the darker her expression became until it was an all-out frown.

With Alice scrutinizing me, it didn't take her long to notice the tension between Bella and me. More so the indignant look on Bella's face as she stood there, unmoving, clutching her tray of food and looking at me as though I was a freaking disease.

"Are you okay, Bella?" she asked her with concern.

Bella severed her eyes from me and turned to Alice. "Yeah, I um—I just remembered, I have to go to the library … and study."

Study? On her second day of school? And with that sentence Bella just gave me away.

Very deliberately Alice turned to me, folding her arms angrily and arching a demanding eyebrow. I sort of sheepishly shrugged, and she huffed impatiently before turning back to Bella, who had already taken a step away from us.

"Are you sure? Want me to come with?" she asked her gently.

Bella's eyes flickered to me again, before returning to Alice. She nodded. "It's fine, Alice. You stay. I'll see you in gym."

Then she walked away, only she didn't go to the library; she went and sat next to her asshole cousin—making it even more fucking obvious she was bullshitting to get away from me.

I continued watching her as she put her tray on the table and took a seat, before suddenly my eyes met with Jacob's. I felt my expression immediately harden. He was glaring at me with an unmistakable message on his face regarding Bella.

I held his gaze, and determined to piss him off, I looked deliberately to Bella before back to him, throwing him a smug grin.

The dick looked like his head was about to explode.

"Edward!?" Alice snapped impatiently.

I turned back to her; she was staring at me with wide, pissed off eyes, her expression half way between dumbfounded and furious.

"What have you done?" she demanded.

"Yeah, dude, she seriously hates your ass!" Jazz added bemused.

"I…." I paused to rub the back of my neck, "I was probably a bit rude to her yesterday in Bio," I confessed.

"Why the hell were you rude to her?" Alice's voice rose with both confusion and irritation, turning screechy and making me want to flinch.

"Well, I heard what she said to you yesterday. I was kind of pissed off, and then I had to fend off Jacob…." I attempted explaining, but abandoned it. It sounded like bullshit now.

Alice continued to stare at me, her forehead creased with obvious pissed off frustration. "What the hell has Jacob got to do with this?!"

"He ... got up to threaten you yesterday…." Again I let it go, realizing the futility in it. The little rat had been right all along.

"That was about the Bella thing?" Jazz broke in, before the asshole laughed wholeheartedly.

"Don't worry, his girl pulled him away, as usual," I muttered.

"Oh, and your point is?" Alice demanded.

I shrugged and offered her an awkward, remorseful smile.

"See, this is what happens when you stick your big, fat nose into everything, Edward!" she screeched out again, and this time I did fucking cringe, but I couldn't blame her for being pissed. Ever since she got sick, she found it hard to feel comfortable with most people. Something _Jacob Swan's _cousin obviously didn't bring out in her.

"Okay, okay." I sighed.

"Fix it, Edward, and next time butt out of my business!" she snapped, fuming to herself as Jazz wrapped his arms around her in an effort to calm her.

She looked past me then and her face warmed with an apologetic smile. I followed her gaze.

Bella had caught Alice's attention and was smiling back regretfully, but when her eyes met mine the smile instantly fell from her lips. She broke our gaze hastily, her expression darkening again.

Obviously I bothered the hell out of her, but all I could focus on was her flushed cheeks….

"Jeez, douche bag, as if you needed Jacob to have any more ammunition against you," Jazz said with obvious amusement, while effectively snapping my attention back.

I mumbled something about Jacob jumping off a cliff under my breath, when Alice suddenly turned to me again. Her expression was still confused but growing with suspicion.

"If you were so rude to her yesterday, why did you decide to sit here today knowing full well that…." The words instantly died on her lips as her eyes shone with immediate realization. You could practically see the cogs turning in her brain, as a huge knowing grin slowly broke across her face.

_"_S_hit!" _I muttered under my breath.

I wanted to groan, but I also wanted to crack my head into the table for being a complete idiot. What the hell was I thinking sitting with Alice?

"I-I was going to apologize. I figured here would be like common ground," I mumbled hastily, but it was all too little too late. Alice had worked it out just as she said she would, and I could only fucking blame myself.

"Well, I hope you're still going to apologize to her, Edward," she replied her tone full of self fucking satisfaction, as her expression turned triumphant.

I huffed with irritation. "Of course I'm going to!" I glared at her, my expression making it very clear I no longer wanted to talk about it, while Jazz stared from Alice to me, and back again, his brow creasing with sudden curiosity.

All I needed now was that asshole to find out….

She changed the subject and turned her focus back to Jazz, but continued to glance at me periodically, smiling so smugly to herself that it was all I could do to not choke the ferret to death. Instead, I suppressed a loud groan, and raked my hands through my hair; the effects of my frustration no doubt contributing to the state of it.

"There he goes again," Jazz blurted in exasperation, turning to Alice. "Tell me, Alley, did your Granny just die or something?"

"No," Alice answered, and that egotistical grin nailed to her face blatantly told me: _I told you I'd figure it out._

Just as I was contemplating walking out to beat my dumb ass head repeatedly into the wall of the gym, the bell rang. I was no longer as confident about Biology as I had been that morning. Bella's reaction to me was hostile at best, and any confidence I'd harbored about making peace with her was extinguished in that instant.

I'd expected some level of animosity from her, but I wasn't prepared for how pissed off she seemed at me. I thought back to Biology the day before realizing instantly how badly I had treated her. I'd sat annoyed that I'd have to share my table with her, while at the same time, attempting to ignore the fucking elation. On top of this, I couldn't deny that I was feeling sympathy for her, while reminding myself that she was Jacob Swan's cousin and probable accomplice. This was when I lunged into another round of asshole behavior.

She'd sat next to me timidly, tucking a loose strand of her hair behind her ear, revealing to me her flushed, blotchy face. I instantly went back to questioning why I was even angry at her. Yet, I'd sat beside her ignoring her and struggling with the little information I had about her, versus how I felt about her so close to me. I'd almost lost all resolve of my anger when her pen ran out of ink half way through the test and she'd started smacking it into the table. I couldn't help it; I'd stolen a glance at her assault on the pen and almost laughed out loud. She'd noticed me watching her and shyly asked me if I had a spare pen. I wanted to give her one, I wanted a reason to look into those huge brown eyes of hers again, but I reminded myself why I was pissed off at her. Despite the fact that I found her so incredibly freaking appealing, I continued to hang on to the almost reluctant anger I had toward her. I'd refused her request to borrow a pen, pretty arrogantly, then almost burst into laughter again as it sparked a flare of annoyance in her so rapidly that she whipped her head back to the front of the class room and sat fuming, her cheeks nearly scarlet. By the time Bio ended, my resolve had all but dissolved and I was pissed off at myself all over again at being so fucking pathetic.

I had to accept that from Bella's point of view, I'd acted like a real bastard. I'd treated her exactly like she'd just treated me; the only difference was I deserved it. Not only that, but I'd chosen the worst possible timing to unleash my over protective ignorance on her. She had every right not to want anything to do with me. Now the only thing I had to do was understand why the very idea of that made me feel so freaking anxious!

When I got to Biology half the class was already at their tables, including Bella. She, on impulse, looked over at me when I arrived, but then looked away almost instantly. Without deviating her eyes from the front of the classroom, she deliberately seemed to shrink into her jacket. She didn't look angry so much as she looked uncomfortable, like I was some sleazy guy in a bar that she feared would spike her drink. Ironically, I preferred her anger.

Since she was sitting closest to the aisle, she had to pull her stool in to let me get past—something she did roughly and with impatience, as an exasperated sigh huffed from behind her lips. I broke into an immediate smile, knowing I was probably coming off as arrogant, but unable to help it.

I sat down beside her with my body temperature climbing. Her sudden proximity was compromising me, and this was before I caught the scent of her. She smelled of strawberries and that body spray shit girls put on, but fuck me if it wasn't the most alluring thing I'd ever smelt!

This energy—or whatever the hell it was—I was feeling was making me suddenly confident, as if I was drunk. I cleared my throat to begin. "Umm … Bella?"

This seemed to surprise her. She turned her head without facing me squarely, her forehead remaining knotted with the remnants of indignation.

"Yes?"

"I-I wanted to apologize for yesterday. I didn't mean to be such a jackass," I stammered, but didn't beat myself over it too much. I figured it would help prove my sincerity. She opened her mouth to reply, but I interjected quickly, "That reminds me"—I reached down into my bag and pulled out a ball point pen—"peace offering?" I held it out to her, smiling warmly and hoping I was putting together some kind of charm—but considering the uncomfortable degree my body temperature was climbing to, I seriously doubted it.

She continued to gaze at me, her eyebrows puckering together slightly before her eyes flickered to the pen. For a split second it looked as though I had won her over; the irritation in her expression relaxed a fraction, and a ghost of a smile slowly curved on her lips. But before I could convince myself of it, her face clouded over again and the indignation crept back on her expression.

"No thank you. I brought extras today," she replied flatly before she turned back to face the front of the class again.

She was stubborn!

I sighed shortly under my breath and rubbed the back of my neck. I was starting to feel ridiculously fucking over heated. I thought the day before was a one off and had something to do with being angry, but as I sat there again next to her with my entire body burning, I knew it was becoming a trend. Still, I glanced around the class quickly, checking to see if anyone else was complaining about the heat.

No one but me seemed bothered by it.

Taking a measured breath, I stole another glance at her; she was looking uncomfortable again, tugging on her lower lip. Her eyes flitted in my direction catching my gaze, before she tore them away again, her expression convincing me even more that she couldn't stand me.

I took off my jacket and placed it on the back of my chair. It didn't give me any relief at all, so I pulled my sweater over my head. I was _still fucking hot!_ Dragging my fingers through my hair in frustration, I exhaled heavily.

Bella turned toward me then, a look of disbelief on her face.

"Why are you taking your clothes off?" she asked incredulously, immediately turning beet red. Looking hastily away, she attempted to, inconspicuously, hide her flushing face behind her hand.

I broke into a grin, almost laughing, needing to cough it into my hand. I understood what she was getting at though, because she seemed to be in a permanent state of hypothermia. I glanced at her briefly, confirming that her irritation with me had returned. It didn't help that Thomas Knight, who was sitting in front of us, heard and turned around to face us.

"Way to go, Cullen!" He winked and nodded his head like the fucking pervert he was.

From beside me, Bella huffed and rubbed her forehead with her palm in an agitated way. Her expression had gone back to pale and hostile.

I leaned towards her, lowering my voice as the teacher, Mr. Banner, walked in the room. "I understood what you meant, Bella. It must be a bit of a climate shock for you here, huh?"

She threw me a fleeting glance before turning away and shrugging half-heartedly. "I'm getting used to it." She didn't look at me as she spoke.

I was close to giving up.

The class started and Mr. Banner began a lecture on the _appalling outcome_ of our test results as he handed them back one by one. I was only half listening; I was feeling defeated and that fucking anxious feeling was rising within me again.

"The only exceptions were Edward and Bella's results," he announced, stopping at our table to place our test sheets in front of us.

I'd gotten my usual mark in the high eighties, and Bella had gotten even higher with a mark of ninety-one. She picked up her paper and turned it over quickly, looking irritated and uncomfortable again. Then, biting down on her lower lip, she turned her head even further from my direction.

I was contemplating this reaction from her, when I became suddenly aware that Mr. Banner was eyeing me with suspicious looking concern.

"Are you feeling all right, Mr. Cullen? You look feverish."

_Fuck!_

I cringed as every pair of eyes in the room fell on me with sudden interest—including Bella's. A ridiculous part of me thought that Mr. Banner, along with Alice, and in all honesty, probably Jazz too, had worked out what Bella Swan was doing to me and was about to announce it to the class.

"I'm fine, Mr. Banner," I replied, clearing my throat awkwardly.

He didn't look convinced. He only eyed me for a moment longer then glanced at Bella before going back to handing out test papers.

I sighed inwardly before turning back to Bella.

"I'm sorry about yesterday, Bella, really," I said, my tone beseeching. I was resorting to fucking pleading.

"Okay," Bella replied simply, without turning to look at me again.

"Don't you believe me?" I pulled on the collar of my shirt, becoming aggravated by this freaking heat stroke I was having.

She looked over at me this time, her soulful eyes locking with mine, and again I thought I saw her expression soften momentarily. "Yeah, I guess so."

I opened my mouth to respond.

"Shh!" she cut me off, motioning towards the front of the room where the teacher was standing, beginning a new topic on the 'Endocrine System'.

I begrudgingly gave up and half listened to the teacher's monotonous sounding voice, dejected and pissed off at myself that I was unable to crack her.

I didn't bother her for the rest of the class and she deliberately ignored me. It was awkward as all fuck! Her eyes glanced everywhere but in my direction, while the irritation she was obviously feeling about being next to me remained firmly fixed on her face.

At the end of class, she quickly gathered her books and headed out the door, well in advance of me. I had to practically run to catch up with her.

"Bella, wait up!"

She turned to face me slowly; she didn't look annoyed this time, just resigned. "What do you want, Edward?"

I paused for a moment, reveling in the sound of my name being spoken in that quirky accent of hers. Never mind that it wasn't said in the most welcoming of tones.

"Look, I feel really terrible about yesterday. Will you please accept my apology?" I continued to plead with her, keeping my tone sincere. Obviously I had no fucking self-respect.

She huffed shortly to herself, before she blurted impatiently, "_Okay._ I accept your apology. Are you happy?"

"Not really," I muttered under my breath.

"Look, I have to go. I don't want to be late—I've got bloody gym," she mumbled, her forehead creasing with annoyance.

Whether she was annoyed at me or by the prospect of going to gym, I wasn't sure. I was willing to bet it was both, but still, it didn't prevent the grin that broke across my face before I could stop it. She noticed, scowling at me with a look that clearly said, 'go fuck yourself, asshole', before she stomped off toward the gym without looking back.

I just stood staring after her, before I scoffed out loud in complete frustration and awe. She had to be the most stubborn person I'd ever met, but, I knew from that moment on, that I was fucking _gone_.

Alice was waiting for me by the car at the end of the day. When she spotted me, she raised her eyebrows in anticipation. I shook my head in reply to her silent question, and she immediately frowned, taking a deep annoyed breath.

"What happened?"

"I don't know—she won't accept my apology," I replied, frustrated that Bella had completely defeated me. I might have deserved it but—_fuck_!

I unlocked my car and opened the door to get in.

"Why not?" Alice demanded, folding her arms across her chest.

"How the fuck do I know! You could have told me she was so stubborn!" I retorted, my frustration completely giving way to irritation.

Alice quickly cleared her throat and motioned with a covert shift of her eyes that Bella was no doubt approaching. I felt myself tense before I glanced over my shoulder. She was about ten feet away, walking towards us with Jacob and his girlfriend.

Jacob openly scowled when he spotted me. I glared back at him, before I tore my eyes away and allowed them to rest on Bella. She'd slowed down as she approached Alice and me, but didn't stop, and when her eyes met mine, it was fleeting. A still troubled look flickered across her face, but when she turned to Alice she broke into a warm, genuine smile. My chest swelled; it was the second time I'd seen her smile and just like the day before, it jarred me. I just stared at her, blinking back the envy, wishing she'd direct that smile at me.

Alice grinned back broadly. "Hey, Bella, how was your second day?"

"Heaps better, thanks, Alice. I'll see you tomorrow," she replied. Her voice was warm and it created another surge of frustrated envy to fill me.

As Jacob passed me he snorted mockingly, but offered Alice a half-hearted smile. "See ya, Alice."

Alice looked almost amused. "See-ya, Jake."

_Jake? _

He turned back to me, flashing a cocky smirk in my direction. Anger immediately flooded my senses, my hands clenching into fists instinctively.

"Edward, stop!" Alice suddenly demanded.

I turned to her, huffing my breath with pissed off frustration. What I wouldn't do to wipe that fucking smile from his face!

"Don't let him get to you," she said with a sigh, half rolling her eyes.

"He doesn't," I mumbled stubbornly, stepping into the car.

"You could have told me, by the way," Alice added, turning to face me squarely, her expression earnest—almost.

"Told you what?" I asked her, starting the engine.

"That you've got a _serious_ thing for Bella," she answered, that sly, all-knowing grin breaking through her expression again.

I glanced at her briefly, feeling my expression darken, before pulling out of the school.

I didn't answer her; I just absorbed her words while my body temperature climbed the longer I contemplated them.

Was that all it was?

I glanced at her again; she was continuing to grin at me with that freaking murder inducing, self-satisfaction.

I sighed deeply, completely defeated.

_Evil little rat,_ I muttered under my breath.

* * *

**A/N: The Pixie business is _so_ overdone, so I try not to use it too much. She's a rat/ferret/gerbil instead =P**

**Spank you for the faves :D**

**At this point I had intended the story to be little more than a fluff of puke and cheese puff. So yeah...  
The next 2 will be from Edward's POV. **


	5. Pink Pens part 1

**A/N: More from Edward. These first 6 chapters are really just establishing who Bella and Edward are, so it's kinda a lot of fluff and filler, until the plot starts to really kick in. It was a real struggle to make Edward cocky without making him too unlikeable. Is unlikeable even a word? Ugh it's too bloody late for this.  
Anywho...**

* * *

**CHAPTER 5**

**Pink Pens Part 1.**

**Edward's POV**

Alice was maddening—_freaking_ maddening!

I turned to glance at her, shooting her a dark, frustrated glare; her smug, wise ass smirk had not faded. Turning my attention back to the road, I yanked the gear stick into third.

She then decided to start fucking humming under some kind of casual pretense. I closed my eyes momentarily, internalizing the sigh, becoming more and more pissed. My car again took the brunt of my annoyance as I shoved it into forth.

I thought I did a good job at keeping my composure intact. I'd snorted at her allegation and left it at that. The only thing was I immediately felt the freaking heat burn in my ears and knew it all but contradicted me. This in turn piqued Alice's curiosity even more. I just didn't get why she was so damn invested in it.

Yeah, OK, I _did_ have a thing for Bella. So what!

With the urge to groan out loud, I shoved it from my mind. It sounded trivial and ridiculous, as though we were in elementary school. Besides, what _I _felt was pointless; she couldn't stand me. She'd made that evident enough in Bio.

I had the sudden compulsion to start banging my head into the steering wheel; even with the little rat sitting next to me with that wise ass grin remaining on her face.

"Wow, Edward, you've gone quiet again."

I was itching to lean over her, open her door and shove her out. Instead, I picked up an empty soda can that was sitting in the drink holder and tossed it at her.

Of course, I missed.

"Alice, wha—will you just leave it alone!" I wanted to sound all serious and threatening, but the tone of my voice only managed freaking jaded—if I was lucky.

"Leave _what _alone? she asked with feigned ignorance.

I took a short, impatient breath. "I'm going to Port Angeles, so I'll just drop you off in the driveway, okay?"

It was a spur of the moment decision. I needed to clear my head, not to mention put a large distance between the two of us.

"Cool, I'll come with you!" she replied enthusiastically, flopping down the sun visor to inspect her reflection in the mirror behind it.

"To hell you are!" I declared, sounding more defensive than I did threatening.

"Oh come on, Edward!" She was fractionally more serious this time. "You know I'm only teasing you. Please can I come?"

I sighed deeply. "So long as you don't give me any more shit, Alice."

"Well, if you just told me what's going on..."

"What the hell do you think is going on?" I snapped. "Didn't you see Bella? She can't fucking stand me!" I shifted down a gear, before thumping my hand back on the steering wheel.

Alice was surveying me. I turned to glance at her, and the beginnings of a sly grin were pulling at her lips. "Who said I was talking about Bella?"

I pulled up in front of the driveway, leaned over her and reefed open her door. "That's it, out!" I ordered her.

"I'm only joking! I promise I won't say another word." She did the dumbass movement of locking her lips.

I snorted sarcastically. "What are you, five? Don't think I won't drag you out again." I opened my door and made a move to exit the car.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry!" she protested.

I huffed shortly; her presence was making me feel freaking edgy. "I mean it, Alice, you can come, but if I even catch a whiff of that smug look on your face, you're road kill. Got it?"

She sighed this time and nodded. "Okay, but you're going to have to fess up sooner or later you know, Edward."

"Whatever," I muttered to myself.

**...**

"How you manage to never get speeding tickets is any one's guess!" Alice complained, shaking her head to herself, about half an hour into the trip.

I grinned lightly to myself, but didn't answer.

Prior to this, we'd spent the drive in pure blissful freaking silence, and I knew it was killing her.

I had noticed her glancing at me on and off and I knew she was biding her time before she brought it up again. A couple of times I turned to her and scowled in warning. She only stared back at me with exaggerated innocence, and despite my present irritation with her, I ended up almost smiling to myself and shaking my head.

But just as I expected, when we were more than half way to Port Angeles—when I was less likely to turn around and dump her on our driveway at home—she turned to me with curious apprehension.

"You promised, Alice!" I exclaimed, impatient, squeezing my hands around the steering wheel so I wouldn't strangle her.

"I'm not going to tease you, Edward. I'm not. But what's going on? You're not behaving ... like you?" She was serious, as far as I could tell, but worse was she was right! Annoyingly right.

I wasn't.

"Alice ..." I complained.

"Come on, Edward, it's me. Plus, you seriously owe me one after all the butting in you've done in my life lately."

I guess she had a point. My butting in had gotten me to this very point, and now the idea of Bella hating me was causing me to feel like I was in a suspended state of freaking anxiety. I just wish I knew why I should even give a shit. I barely knew her, _and_ she was that asshole Swan's cousin.

I opened and closed my mouth several times procrastinating on what to say, before sighing lowly in frustration. "I don't know what to tell you, Alice," I finally admitted.

"Look, you don't have to tell me anything, but honestly, I don't see what the big deal is here. Would you be ashamed to be seen with her or something—because she's related to Jacob?"

"No—are you serious?" I turned to glance at her, feeling my expression darken, offended.

"So, you _do_ like her?"

"You're killing me, Alice!"

She chuckled. "Well do you like her or not? It's not a hard question, Edward."

I started feeling hot and uneasy again. I wasn't even sure if I did like her—in the sense of the word, anyway. I hardly knew her. All I did know was that she had gotten _seriously_ under my skin in a way that had reduced me to_ this _pathetic fucking state.

"Ok, I _like_ her, but as I said, she hates me," I confessed with a conceding sigh, shifting in my seat awkwardly before I turned my eyes back to the road.

Alice scoffed. "That's easily fixed."

"Alice, I don't need you _fixing_ anything!" I burst out in angry frustration. "And you were supposed to be leaving this alone!"

"I promised not to give you shit over it and I'm not! Jesus, Edward!"

I turned to her again; she was looking at me with a screwed up brow, as if I'd lost the plot.

It really wasn't the smartest thing to do, spending an hour in the car with Alice scrutinizing my expressions and dissecting every word I spoke. I'd done it today during lunch and she snapped on to me in a matter of seconds. And now, my attempts to downplay the subject of Bella had only made her investment in it grow.

I glanced at her throwing her an apologetic smile. She only returned the smile, rolling her eyes.

**...**

Letting Alice come with me to Port Angeles was the second stupidest thing I'd done that day. I ended up following her around as she went into store after store, carrying the multitudes of bags for her; like I was her freaking bell boy.

It wasn't a total loss, though; I did get an idea on how to get Bella to forgive me. As I followed Alice into a stationery store, barely able to see where I was going, I knocked over a display, and a whole bunch of pink pens suddenly scattered around me. I immediately felt a sly smirk inch across my face, and grabbed a box of twelve promotional pink Papermate pens.

There was the real chance Bella would just stubbornly refuse them, like she did today. So I knew I had to come up with a way to give them to her so that she couldn't.

Simple, I'd just put them in her bag the next day in Bio.

I grabbed a sheet of pink card and followed Alice to the cashier.

**...**

"So," Alice began, turning to face me after we climbed back into the car to head home again, her expression suspicious, "why do you look so happy with yourself all of a sudden?"

I snorted dryly. "I'm not allowed to look happy now? I wish you'd make your mind up, Alice."

"I didn't say that, but after all this inner turmoil of yours, it's a bit weird when all of a sudden you start grinning to yourself like a loon," she replied, her eyes narrowing as her curiosity increased.

I wanted to laugh, but stopped myself.

Inner turmoil? Was that how I looked like from Alice's point of view—from Jazz's?

Whatever the hell Bella was doing to me, I decided to just accept it. Fighting it, while trying to understand it was obviously getting me nowhere, and I knew Alice would never let up on me while I was acting like a freak; not to mention the level of shit Jazz would give me. I also decided that I wasn't going to curl up into a fetal position at the idea of Bella hating me. I decided, simply, that I'd _make_ her forgive me, and I wouldn't stop bothering her until she did.

_She'll forgive me, or I'll wind up driving her insane,_ I thought to myself, breaking impulsively into a wide grin and needing to mask it from Alice's constant freaking surveillance.

Despite the fact that it was killing Alice to the point that the vein in her forehead was practically bursting, I ignored her and began losing myself in thought as a plan started formulating in my mind. I was planning on literally bombarding Bella with these pens, until she forgot why she was angry at me. It sounded like it could work, only I didn't have enough freaking pens, and I was almost tempted to turn around and go back to the stationary store for more.

I shrugged it off. I'd just have to come back the next day, if I had to.

Alice continued to stare at me, becoming impatient. I only glanced at her and muffled my laughter through my nose.

"Edward, you've completely lost your mind!" she exclaimed.

"What?" I asked, feigning ignorance.

She arched an eyebrow skeptically at me. "You're acting like you have multiple personalities."

"You need to chill more, Alice. Think about _Jazzy pants_ instead," I teased her, shrugging a shoulder and laughing further from her replying scowl.

I was feeling more optimistic all of a sudden, and I preferred it over all this anxiety crap. Why Bella made me feel the way she did was irrelevant. All that mattered now was rectifying how she felt about me, and considering how stubborn she was, I didn't mind knowing that I might need to get creative with her.

**...**

"So, all you needed was some sea air then, Edward," Alice teased me as we walked through the front door.

"Yeah, sure." I rolled my eyes openly, throwing her a sarcastic grin before I made for the stairs and my bedroom a little too eagerly.

"I'll work on Bella for you tomorrow, big brother!" the little rat called from downstairs, making me cringe, hoping Emmett wasn't home.

"Evil little ferret," I muttered to myself.

I pulled out the box of pens and pink card—that I'd taken great lengths to hide from Alice—out of the paper bag, and sat for a moment deciding what to write. Ignoring my better instincts that told me how much of a pussy I was going to look like, I came up with something:

**Bella,**

**I should have given you a pen when you asked. But since I didn't I hope these will make up for it.**

**I'm sorry, please forgive me.**

**Edward.**

I folded the card then frowned; it needed something more. Heading out to Mom and Carlisle's room, I was back two minutes later with a foot length strand of red ribbon. I wrapped it around the card and box of pens twice and tied it in a knot. I had to push away any thoughts of Jazz's laughter if he had any idea what I was doing. It threatened to stonewall this whole pen thing before I got it off the ground. This was just the sort of thing the prick was waiting for.

I couldn't think too much on it, because it was more important to me that Bella forgave me, than looking like a serious dickhead if Jazz found out. But as I stared down at the corny little package, I found myself ironically hoping it would fail. I knew I could take it to some interesting extremes if Bella took the same attitude that she had today. But it was extremes I really kind of wanted to push.

**...**

The next day didn't look like it'd be different from the day before. I ran into Bella a few times during the morning—okay, I went out of my way to run into her. She seen me once and her face immediately clouded and she turned away looking agitated. I was hoping she'd go home the day before, see that being angry with me was ridiculous and put it behind her. It really threw me to discover she was still looking at me like I was an insect, and afterwards it had taken me a whole freaking hour to fully recover from it—as well as stop myself stalling on the pens.

English and of course slut-bag Stanley

I was too distracted to be bothered by her; though, she really was becoming a pain in the ass.

"Jeez, douche bag, are you blind? She totally wants you. What's the matter with you?" Jazz asked in a hushed tone, looking at me as though I'd lost my mind.

I scoffed blatantly. "I'd like her lot more if she had _any_ self-respect at all."

Jazz snorted and rolled his eyes. "What's self-respect got to do with—"

"Mr. Hale?" Mr. Cox called on him.

Jessica Stanley was the farthest thing from my mind at that moment. I was too busy being conscious of the box of pens in my bag, while the thought of giving them to Bella in Bio today was turning me into a freaking basket case.

On the way to lunch, I was shoulder barged, pretty roughly. It knocked me forward, but I simply straightened back up and continued walking, not too bothered by it. I just figured it was accidental by some anonymous kid and went back to talking myself out of stalling on the gay little package in my bag.

It wasn't until Jazz mentioned it that I realized who it was. "Man, you're seriously gonna have to have it out with Jacob, and soon before he gets any bigger!"

"Huh?" I mumbled blankly, slowly coming out of the stranglehold of doubt I was wrestling with, to focus properly on what Jazz had just said. "Oh yeah—fucking asshole," I muttered. My tone hardened involuntarily, but my anger was only fractionally genuine. I was too freaking distracted.

Jazz flashed me an odd, curious look, but I ignored him. I didn't want to waste time being pissed at Jacob, so I just shrugged it off. He wasn't going anywhere, and neither was his problem with me, it seemed. I pushed it to the back of my mind, knowing it would come back all too soon. Jazz was right; I was going to have to deal with him before things went too far ... again.

Bella was sitting with Alice, and as soon as Jazz and I entered the cafeteria Alice flashed me a _sit-here-and-die_ look, before she turned to Jazz and blew him a kiss, winking freaking seductively. I stiffened and glanced away when my eyes inadvertently fell on Bella. Seeming to sense my gaze, she looked over in my direction and our eyes locked. My skin immediately buzzed with heat, and I was becoming too freaking conscious of it. It didn't really matter, anyway. Bella too quickly severed her gaze looking like she'd just stepped on a spider, and it wasn't until Jazz shoved me that I realized I was all but fucking staring at her from across the cafeteria.

"I don't think we're welcome anymore." Jazz laughed, shoving me again; which was code for acting like a jackass for Alice's benefit.

I shrugged the dickhead off me and sat down at the table, pissed off. How many times was this girl going to fucking squash me before I had the sense to let it go? The idea of Jazz giving me shit over the pens in my bag was suddenly seeming a lot more important than whether Bella was going to change her opinion of me. I was close to throwing them in the trash.

"What the fuck are you sulking about, douche-bag?" Jazz asked me after surveying me for a minute and shaking his head to himself.

I dragged my hand back through my hair before slamming it down to the table. "Maybe sitting next to you while you have fucking pornographic thoughts about my sister!"

His face actually went blank, which proved the asshole was doing exactly that. I huffed to myself frustrated, and got up from the table. I'd made up my mind to throw the lame-ass package in my bag away and be done with it. It was a stupid idea to begin with. What did it matter if one girl in the school didn't like me? The rest of them seemed to.

I had almost left the cafeteria when Alice and Bella came into my line of vision. They were obviously talking about me, looking directly at me. Or more accurately, Alice was talking to Bella about me, and whatever the hell she was saying had made a troubled look knot Bella's forehead. I wanted to roll my eyes, and say to her, "I fucking get it. You think I'm an asshole, but here's me not giving a shit anymore," but when her eyes connected to mine, they warmed and her expression softened out. She smiled then, with her lower lip half caught between her teeth, while she nodded her head to whatever the little rat was telling her. It didn't matter that she wasn't smiling at me, but it immediately jarred me, causing my body heat to start rising. For all I knew she could have been laughing _at_ me, and it immediately pissed me off. I felt the scowl penetrate my face, and in response her eyes widened, before something flickered in them and she hastily looked away. I continued to gaze at her for a few moments after, watching as her face deepened, and her expression turned back to aversion.

_Fuck!_

I suddenly recalled why I bought the damn pens in the first place and why it was so freaking important to get her to come around to me.

…

I arrived in Biology before Bella. In fact, she was one of the last to arrive. I suspected that she'd taken her time to delay having to sit next to me, but shook it off, irritated at how pathetic I was. If I was going to go ahead with the freaking pens, I had to stop thinking like a pussy.

"Hi, Bella," I said, offering her a friendly smile when she reached our lab table. Though there was no point in smiling, since she didn't glance in my direction at all.

"Hello, Edward," she replied, her tone fairly indifferent. She pulled out her books and sat down.

Heat was beginning to flood up my neck, so I pulled my sweater over my head. I bent down and shoved it in my bag, glancing over at hers as I did. It was directly under her chair and she'd left it unzipped.

I quickly decided that the best course of action was to slip her the pens at the end of the class, knowing I'd probably have to distract her first.

I was lost in a last ditch moment of cold feet, knowing I could in reality make a total ass of myself, when Mr. Banner called my name; he was talking about something to do with the Digestive System.

"Er ... I'm sorry?" I stammered.

"Do you know the answer, Mr. Cullen?" He glanced at me over his glasses.

I shook my head and shrugged feeling like an ignorant dickhead with Bella beside me.

He sighed. "Miss Swan?"

"Epiglottis?" she answered with uncertainty.

"Epiglottis, very good," he said satisfied, before continuing.

I looked over at Bella; her cheeks were a shade deeper, and for a moment I was unable to tear my eyes from her. Her eyes flickered in my direction before she turned her head, fully to meet my gaze. She gave me a confused, questioning look, but all her usual hostility towards me was absent, I noticed.

I cleared my throat and smiled quickly, before she could look away again. She smiled back, but it was forced.

"Er ... so, it seems like you already know all this stuff, huh?" I asked her, trying hard to keep my voice even.

She half shrugged, but didn't offer a reply.

I felt another surge of uneasiness regarding my box of pens wrapped in that freaking red ribbon that was sitting in my bag, waiting. Yet a part of me felt more determined by her stubbornness.

She turned to look back to the front of the class, with no indication that she was even aware of my presence.

_Fuck this_, I thought to myself, my frustration giving away to resolve. I was _going_ to crack her!

For whatever reason, Mr. Banner was watching me intently, so like the complete idiot that I was, I slipped Bella a note, writing:

**Do you forgive me?**

She gazed at it for such a long time that for a moment I thought she was going to ignore it. But eventually she wrote a reply and passed it back to me.

It read one word:

**sure**

I swallowed back the groan and fought the urge to rake my hands through my hair. It was obvious I wasn't going to get anywhere with her like this, so I made up my mind to leave her alone. I'd slip the pens in at the end of the lesson and make sure I seen her again before she went home, to gauge her reaction.

As absolute luck would have it, when the bell rang for final period, Bella became distracted by an act of clumsiness. She stood up a little too quickly and when she went to grab her books, she slipped and ended up pushing them over the front of her desk. She sighed loudly in frustration and mumbled something that sounded like, _bloody hell!_

Clearing my throat hastily to smother my reaction, I dove into my bag and transferred the pens into hers. Then I scrambled to my feet, flustered and no doubt guilty looking, to help her collect her books from the floor.

"Thanks," she mumbled, taking them from me. She looked up briefly and flashed me a small, tight smile, before exiting the room quickly. She stumbled again at the door and I laughed lightly to myself before I could stop it.

**...**

I was the first person to the parking lot that afternoon. I felt like shit. If it wasn't the constant heat stroke that Bella's proximity caused me, it was the sudden pathetic onset of nerves that was causing my stomach to constantly lunge. I still only wore my t shirt; my sweater and jacket were still stuffed inside my bag. I waited, leaning up against the side of my car, ignoring my common sense that told me to wait inside the warmth. The icy drizzle caused goosebumps to break out across my arms, but at that point I wasn't registering the cold.

Alice and Bella approached the car walking slowly, their heads huddled in conversation. Bella was shrinking into her coat, her entire body looking rigid; her face windswept and flushed. My pulse quickened, or I became even hotter, I wasn't sure, but then she chuckled and my heart freaking stalled behind my ribs.

"See you tomorrow, Bella," Alice said warmly to her as they parted at the car.

"See ya, Alice!" she replied. She took a step further before she looked over her shoulder, catching my gaze. The smile that had warmed her face a moment before slowly faded. She turned back shrinking further into her coat and continued with stiffer strides toward her car.

I felt the frown etch in my forehead rather than feeling it as a whole emotion. If she had received the pens, that was _not _the reaction I was hoping for.

"Are we going or what, Edward? I'm freezing!" Alice exclaimed, getting quickly into the passenger seat.

"Just hang on one minute," I replied, distracted, my eyes not leaving the retreating form of Bella.

Bella reached into her bag, I assumed for her keys, when she stopped walking mid-stride and peered into it. Then slowly she pulled out my box of pens. She seemed to gaze at them for the longest time, just like she did with the stupid note I'd passed her in Biology, before she turned around, almost apprehensively, as her guarded eyes met mine from across the lot.

My leaden heart suddenly accelerated as my body temperature shot up again, making my hands start shaking. I shoved them hastily in my jean pockets and smiled over at her.

For a moment her expression was unreadable, then slowly that ice wall of hers melted away and her face completely softened into a warm, shy smile. She held up the pens for me in emphasis, as her cheeks tinged pinker.

My smile broadened into a grin and I nodded.

She sort of half laughed to herself, then looked down at the pens again and lightly shook her head. When she looked back over to me again, her face was still warm, but she looked almost troubled again. Her brow was furrowing and her eyes suddenly seemed conflicted.

I took one shaking hand out of my jeans pocket and waved to her in good-bye. She waved back, a little awkwardly, mouthing the word, 'bye', before she turned around and continued heading toward her car.

It took a moment to register the incredible relief I felt. I hadn't realized how freaking over wrought I had become over this one moment. I released my breath deeply, then just as I was about to open the car door and get in, my eyes met with Jacob's. He'd stopped right in front of the car and was glaring at me.

"I'd seriously re-think that course you're on, _Cullen_. Unless you want me to put you on another one," he threatened me in a low voice, his eyes narrowing.

My body went instinctively tense as a scowl twisted on my face, removing all traces of my interaction with Bella. "Just mind your own business, asshole!"

"When it comes to my family, it _is_ my business, Princess. So _stay away from her_." He was all but fucking growling at me.

"What are you going to do about it!?" I fired back, my anger flaring.

"Edward, get in the car!" Alice suddenly ordered me with impatience.

I tore my gaze from his, then without making a conscious decision to do so, my eyes turned in Bella's direction.

She'd been about to get into her car when she'd obviously heard the confrontation between Jacob and me. She had a troubled, fearful expression on her face as she stood surveying both of us, clutching my box of pens in her hand.

I tried to catch her gaze, my expression apologetic, but she turned away and didn't look back again.

I whipped my head back to Jacob, suddenly fucking pissed off. "If I was you, _Jacob_, I'd keep the fuck out of my way!"

"Oh, you promise, Princess?" He smiled smugly, and I had to physically restrain myself.

"You're an idiot!" I spat back, getting into the car and slamming the door shut.

"Edward, why do you let him get to you?" Alice demanded.

I shrugged, starting the engine angrily and pulled out. As I drove passed Bella's Jeep, I glanced over; she appeared to be arguing with Jacob. I felt a conflicting emotion over it. While one part of me wanted to stop the car and rip Jacob's fucking head off, the other part of me was relieved. Relieved, that she seemed to be directing her anger toward Jacob over it, and not me.

"So ... what was going on with you two just now, anyhow? Did I _actually_ see Bella smiling at you?" Alice asked me with a sly smile as we left the school grounds.

"It seemed that way ..."I mumbled with a feigned, indifferent shrug.

"So you got her to forgive you then? What did you say?" she asked eagerly, making me feel like we were having some kind of perverse freaking girly conversation.

"Um ... I wrote her a note," I admitted, becoming distracted as I watched Bella's jeep through the rear view mirror. I kept an eye on it until she disappeared down a back street.

"A note?" Alice repeated dubiously, before she broke into laughter.

I turned back to her and sighed. "Do you want to interrogate me, Alice, or do you want to walk home?" I threatened her, only half joking.

She didn't reply, and when I glanced at her she was smiling over at me in that annoying, freaking all-knowing way of hers.

I dropped her off at the front of the house.

"I've got to go back to Port Angeles," I leaned over and said to her through the open door. She opened her mouth to reply, but I cut her off, "No, you're not coming!"

I pulled her door shut again and reversed out of the driveway and out of Forks.

I bought eight boxes of pens this time, and with each one I came up with an inventive way of giving them to her that made me laugh out loud. By the time I got to the front counter I was grinning to myself like a freak show, but I was riding high by my sudden success with her, and my confidence was returning.

I wanted to torture her with these pens; I wanted to totally _fuck_ with her.

I planned on barricading myself in my room when I got home to avoid Alice, but thankfully she was at Jazz's. I did my homework, not recalling what it was about the minute I'd finished, then had a shower and whacked off in an attempt to relieve some of my tension. It didn't work, because the idea of torturing Bella made me too fucking horny and high strung.

**...**

The next day, I was armed with two boxes of pens, and spent the entire day stealthily and covertly planting them in the pockets of Bella's jacket and shoulder bag. It wasn't an easy thing to do, especially while I was avoiding freaking Alice as well as trying to get some kind of control over my body. But the minute I got within six feet of Bella, I turned into a freaking sauna. Still, I managed to get about a dozen on her by the time Alice discovered what I was up to.

She caught me slipping a pen into Bella's pocket from behind and flashed me a bewildered look. I just shook my head and put my forefinger to my lips with a grin. She continued to look at me as though I was mad, before she shook herself from it, rolling her eyes.

At lunch, Bella entered the cafeteria looking flustered, while her face was blazing. She was carrying several pens in her hands and as she sat down a couple more fell out of her jacket. She paused for a moment then huffed angrily to herself before picking up the pens and slamming them down on the table. When she finished checking through her jacket, finding a couple more pens in them, she whipped her head around and locked her gaze to mine. I only flashed her a blatantly cocky grin and held my hand up in a wave. She looked caught off guard, almost dumbfounded, while her face flashed like a tomato. She blinked a few times, jarred before she severed her eyes from mine and turned back to Alice.

I laughed openly, knowing I had just taken the advantage back from little miss stubborn from down under.

I turned to Jazz and sat down at the table. He glanced over at me, when his forehead suddenly bunched with suspicion. "Dude, why the hell do you have a pink pen behind your ear? You look gay!"

I chuckled to myself and took it out. "I forgot I left it there."

"What are you doing with pink pens anyway?" he asked, his curiosity piqued. He was glancing from Alice to me and back again, repeatedly, his confusion slowly fading out. He'd obviously spotted the pink pens lying in front of Bella and put two and two together, because he suddenly exclaimed with a triumphant grin, "You've got a thing for the new girl, haven't you? Bella Swan."

"Kind of, I guess," I admitted with half a shrug. The words flew out of my mouth without hesitation that for a moment I was stumped.

Jazz thought nothing of it, making me wonder how I expected him to react.

"So, you taking her to Rob's party?" he asked, not seeming terribly interested in my answer, as his eyes turned in Alice's direction again.

I still felt jarred but realized that his mind was momentarily being controlled by his dick. "Ah ... I'm not sure. Maybe."

He turned back to me and his grin was suddenly turning sly; I only had seconds. "Hang on, I thought she hated you?"

"Yeah, well ... I'm working on it," I mumbled to myself.

He snickered. "Hasn't she fallen in love with you like all the other girls yet, Eddie?"

"Fuck you, _Jazzy_," I retorted awkwardly, wishing he'd tire of the conversation already and go back to his pornographic thoughts of my sister. I could see it in his eyes; the more we stayed on the topic of Bella, the more he remembered all the shit I gave him over Alice, and the more he realized what he owed me.

"Well, good luck with that." He snorted, chuckling to himself like a wiseass.

I only sighed.

After that, every time I turned my head even close to Bella's direction, Jazz snickered. The few times I caught her gaze, she turned away quickly, her brow knotting on her ruddy face.

I wasn't sure if the first batch of pens was a failure or not, but it was obvious I was beginning to get under her skin. That hostile look she kept on her face for me, was definitely reclining.

Alice caught up with me as I was making my way to Biology; falling in step with me without stopping.

"I have much to tell you, big brother," she said covertly to me with a canny grin on her face, before she hurried her step to class.

I was sort of counting on Alice to fill me in on Bella's reaction—so long as I could make it seem like she was offering information of her own admission, that is. It was going to be a long afternoon though. I had baseball drill after school in preparation for our game against Rochester High the next day.

Again, Bella was the last to arrive for Bio, and judging by her agitated state, I was guessing this time it was to deliberately delay our class together.

She strode over to our desk, without a single stumble, and slammed down a fist full of pens. Then sitting down on the stool with an impatient huff, she turned to face me squarely. "Okay, Edward, I get it!"

I replied with what I knew was an egotistical grin, and asked, "I'm sorry? What do you get?"

Her eyes narrowed as she sat gauging me, before she arched her brow skeptically. I was getting the impression that she wasn't half as angry as she wanted me to believe.

"Do you forgive me?" I asked her. I was being an arrogant prick, but I couldn't help it. I enjoyed annoying her.

She sighed before snapping impatiently, "I said I did, didn't I?!"

I broke into an immediate grin, snorting it shortly through my nose. "Well, then if you've really forgiven me, you'll agree to hang out with me on the weekend."

She opened her mouth to reply, but faltered looking conflicted. Then, scoffing out her frustration, she turned away from me without offering a response.

I wasn't deterred; I leaned over to her and said lightly, "I guess you need more pens to think about it."

She whipped her head back to me just as Mr. Banner walked in, and suddenly our faces were centimeters apart. She drew in her breath in surprise, suddenly looking flustered, while the words died on her lips.

I pulled back quickly, my freaking body temperature burning through to the surface of my skin.

A moment later, appearing more collected, she threw me a glare; she didn't look very threatening.

I broke into a light chuckle, keeping my violently shaking hands out of view. "You were saying, Bella?"

Again she didn't reply, instead, with her face glowering, she turned back toward the front of the class.

About ten minutes into the lesson she slipped me a note:

**No more pens okay?**

My lips immediately twitched, but I deliberately waited a few minutes before I replied and slipped it back to her.

**Sure**

She read it and exhaled into a short, frustrated sigh, rubbing her forehead with the tips of her fingers.

After this, Bella pointedly ignored me for the rest of Biology. In fact, she seemed to make a conscious effort not to allow her eyes to even accidentally glance in my direction; even a fraction. I just sat next to her, grinning to myself broadly, with complete arrogance, but having no way of stopping it.

**...**

We had a two-hour baseball drill that afternoon. Rochester High were last year's winners, beating us in the championship match by one run; we were eager to settle the score. During the final game, I was unable to stop a home-run ball from going over the boundary, and it had haunted me ever since. I needed to redeem myself, and during practice it was the first time in four days that Bella wasn't monopolizing my every thought.

By the time I got home, I was starving. I headed straight into the kitchen via the back door, and as I walked into the room, I was ambushed by Emmett. He wrapped his arm around my neck in an almost suffocating stranglehold, bending me forward.

"Duuuuuude!" he exclaimed. "I hear you're stalking Bella Dundee!"

He dragged me around the kitchen in the crook of his arm as he made himself a sandwich with wise ass over confidence, knowing I was powerless in his grip.

I groaned loudly feeling the anger—and lack of oxygen—blaze in my face. "Okay, okay!" I bellowed struggling against him. It was futile, Emmett had won every award there was to win in wrestling and he outweighed me by at least forty pounds.

"Is this the chick you've been brooding over?" He snorted and suddenly let me go; I dropped to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

Getting up, I elbowed him out of the way to get to the refrigerator—he barely budged—grabbed a donut, and ate it in two mouthfuls as the blood slowly circulated back to my brain. I wanted to rub the back of my neck but there was no way I'd give the asshole the satisfaction.

"By the way, we're fending for ourselves again tonight. Mom and Doc Hollywood are eating out," he said offhandedly, before taking a gulp of milk straight from the carton.

"Okay," I mumbled with half a shrug. It was a facade and I wanted to groan loudly. No doubt Alice would hang out with Jazz until Mom and Carlisle got home. It was too long for me to wait for her to tell me what happened with Bella in class that day.

Jesus, how fucking pathetic could I get?

Emmett shoved me, breaking me from my thoughts. "So what's this pen business Rose was telling me about?"

"I dunno. I gave her a pen," I replied with feigned indifference, grabbing a can of coke from the refrigerator and sitting down at the table.

He glanced at me with full smirking amusement. "What's the matter, doesn't the Edwina Cullen charm work on girls from down under?"

Emmett would easily give me shit about this for the next five years if I wasn't careful. I had to steer him off the subject, knowing there was only one freaking way of doing it. With an internal groan, I walked over to him casually, with the pretense that I was going back to the refrigerator, then without a pause, I shoved him as hard as I could in the back of the head. The carton of milk he'd been about to take another gulp from, splashed over his face. I snickered at the comical sight of him before bolting for the stairs with him in pursuit.

I was faster and I made it to my bedroom, locking the door behind me with plenty of time to spare—collapsing on my bed out of breath and laughing. Still, I knew that sooner or later I'd have to pay heavily for it.

Emmett barged on the door and bellowed, "You have to come out sooner or later, pretty boy!"

Even though I knew he wanted to sound threatening, I could hear the smirk in his tone.

"That was payback; we're even now!" I hollered in reply.

"I wouldn't count on it, Edith," he replied, his words fading away as he retreated back down stairs.

Rose, no doubt. Rose was the only person who could distract Emmett from beating the shit out of me; even if it was in good humor.

A moment later, I heard Alice's voice on the stairs. Hauling myself off the bed, I opened my bedroom door a little too eagerly. I fought the urge to cringe, but noticed relieved that at least Jazz wasn't with her; she was chatting on her cell.

She met my gaze and smiled slyly, switching her phone off.

"Calm down, Edward. You look like you're about to have a stroke." She laughed lightly, walking into my room.

I sighed. Could I be any more of a pussy?

"Just lay it on me, Alice," I muttered, rubbing the back of my neck where Emmett had practically crushed it earlier.

"There's nothing to lay on you. This pen thing of yours today worked perfectly," she answered, looking almost arguably impressed.

I faltered for a moment. "It ... did?"

She chuckled to herself and nodded. "Uh-huh. It was so funny actually. Every class we went to she'd find these pink pens stuffed all over the place. In English, she pulled out her books and about ten of them fell out everywhere. Mr. Berty told her she might like to get a case to hold them all. Her face went bright red and she said to me," she paused to put forward her best Bella imitation, "_I'm gonna kill your bloody brother._"

I laughed whole-heartedly.

"She's making out she's annoyed, but she's so the opposite. Her face was going all gooey by the end of the day." Alice continued to chuckle to herself, before directing it at me broadly.

"Well, thanks for that, Alice," I replied trying to rise above the goofy friggen grin I could feel plastered all over my face in an attempt to avoid her ridicule.

"No probs," she replied suddenly smirking. "I'll leave now, before you ask for a makeover!"

Too freaking late.

She sprang out of the room laughing before I had a chance to throw her ass out.

* * *

**A/N: Ye gods he's uptight~**


	6. Pink Pens part 2

**A/N: more fluff, and cheese...**

* * *

**Chapter 6**

**Pink Pens part 2**

**Edward's POV**

As I drove Alice to school the next morning, she warned me that Bella would probably be keeping an eye out for me. I'd figured that would happen and was already beyond planting pens in her pockets. I was armed with three boxes in my bag, and I expected to put every single one of them to use.

When I glanced at Alice, she had a slight smile on her face. I definitely didn't want to get into another girlie talk with her regarding Bella, so I decided to play it cool.

"Yeah, thanks for the heads up, Alice," I mumbled, though a grin twitched at my lips threatening to give me away. Not that Alice was in the dark about anything when it came to me these days.

She scoffed under her breath, rolling her eyes for added measure, but didn't reply. Anything she could say wouldn't deter me from this point anyway. I cracked Bella yesterday; today I was going to completely break her.

The plan involved me being late for a few classes, but it was the only way I could pull it off without being noticed—by Bella.

I waited around after the first bell rang for Home Room, under the pretense of getting shit from my locker, until the halls were almost completely empty. Then, making absolutely sure that neither Bella nor Alice were anywhere in the near vicinity, I went over to Bella's locker and pushed a dozen pens through the air vents.

I ended up having to run to first period, smirking broadly to myself the whole way and probably looking like I had a freaking screw loose.

It was a bit of a gamble, but I figured Bella probably wouldn't need to go to her locker until after first period. To make sure, I arrived well before she did, practically shoving everyone out of my way to get there first.

Once there, I hung by my locker pretending to be preoccupied as I sorted through my books. I waited for her with my stomach freaking twisting with anticipation. She came by a couple of minutes later, and I blew out my breath in relief. Only I almost lost it then and there and burst out laughing. As she approached she looked edgy and paranoid. She kept glancing over her shoulder every few seconds, even spinning around to confront whoever bumped her in the crowd. She, no doubt, expected to see me lurking near her, and was forced to mumble a hurried apology to the poor kid she'd just rounded on.

I swear, if she wasn't so funny, a part of me might have felt bad for torturing her.

Sighing with what looked like frustration, she reached her locker and noticed me by mine. I immediately broke into a wide, deliberately cocky grin and waved. She just stared at me for a moment, her mouth slightly agape, before she smiled awkwardly back. When she turned back to her locker again, she looked irritated; as if changing her mind on what reaction to have to me. I might have initially fallen for it, but the way her cheeks burned a shade deeper made me think otherwise.

She opened her locker in the next moment, and my pens spilled out everywhere, scattering and rolling around her feet.

I clamped my hand over my mouth, snorting my laughter through my nose while it took every ounce of my self-control not to succumb completely to it.

She stood frozen for a moment before she brought her palm slowly up to her forehead and rubbed it with obvious exasperation. In the next instant, she whipped her head in my direction and glared at me, but her face was soft, holding the barest hint of a smile.

I walked past her with a completely feigned look of innocence on my face, having to seriously fight off the grin as I did. I didn't look in her direction, because her expression would have been the freaking end of me. Instead, I heard her draw in her breath and huff loudly, before she slammed her locker with a loud bang.

When I rounded the corridor, I let it go and laughed to myself all the way to my next class.

The next time Bella went to her locker was after third period. I hid from her view this time and watched as she opened the door with apprehension. When she was satisfied no pens were going to fall out, she hastily grabbed her books before heading to her class, continuing to scan the hallway suspiciously.

**...**

"If you don't get over this bullshit with Bella and screw up in the game today, I'm going to tell her you have a serious hard-on for her!" Jazz threatened during English, his eyes narrowed as they surveyed me. He was only half-joking—as far as I could tell.

I remained indifferent, though I couldn't deny that the very possibility of it made me want to break into a sweat.

"Just worry about your own game today, dickhead!" I replied shortly, sounding too defensive.

"I'm not the space cadet these days remember, douche-bag. You are."

"No, but you're a nagging bitch," I retorted, choking back the laugh when his brows shot up, offended.

Mr. Cox cleared his throat loudly, cutting off Jazz's next remark.

"Motherfucker," he muttered so only I heard him.

"Ouch."

As the bell for lunch signaled and everyone piled into the hall, heading to the cafeteria, I went in the opposite direction.

"Where the hell are you going now, asshole?" Jazz asked, his forehead creasing with impatience.

"I've got to do something; I'll be two minutes," I replied over my shoulder as I made my way towards the lockers again.

I was hoping Bella would be starting to let her guard down—thinking the locker incident was a one-off. Since we had biology together after lunch, I was counting on her to not suspect anything else.

Chuckling to myself like some kind of freaking mental patient, I pushed another box full of pens through the vents and then hurried back to the cafeteria. I didn't want to blow it by arousing Bella's suspicions if she saw me arrive late.

Jazz had just entered the cafeteria when I caught up with him, while Alice and Bella were just ahead. As I watched her, I realized she looked a lot more relaxed than she had that morning. She wasn't so on edge and didn't glance over her shoulder once as she chatted with Alice. She kept doing this adorable crap, like tugging on her lower lip.

I was beginning to feel slightly guilty over giving her so much shit, but I quickly shrugged it off. If she wasn't so stubborn I wouldn't have had to resort to this.

"Aww Bella, she's so _hawt_!" Jazz mocked me, snickering to himself.

This was five seconds before Emmett walked past me, nudging me as he went and commenting loudly, "Edwina, are you _BLUDGING_?"

I bowed my head, groaning only fractionally beneath my breath as asshole Jazz turned up his laughter.

If Bella heard, she made no indication of it.

I steered Jazz onto the subject of our game during lunch, and it worked enough to stop the pissant from saying the word _'bloody'_ every time he opened his mouth. It worked both ways in that it kept Bella from my thoughts for the most part. I needed the practice, and with the next batch of pens waiting in her locker, it threatened to be detrimental to my game.

I glanced over at her once, almost subconsciously. She was sitting at the table with Alice and Rose, not talking but chewing on her lower lip, looking lost in her thoughts.

I felt myself smile almost involuntarily, while Jazz groaned loudly. "Back to the game, Cinderella."

"You worry about your own game, asshole," I retorted with an impatient sigh, looking down at my folded arms with irritation. I didn't give a shit how much Jazz thought he owed me. I was no longer seeing the humor in it.

**...**

"I'll meet you after Bio," I mumbled to him after the bell rang for sixth period. Distracted, my eyes trailed after Bella and Alice as they left the cafeteria.

We had to skip last period to make the game at 3:15.

"Remember what I said," Jazz warned me, following my gaze and sighing exaggeratedly.

I needed a new strategy with this asshole, so I called his bluff. I turned to him, gathering all my confidence together with a shrug of my shoulder. "You can tell Bella whatever you like. I'll just tell Alice about you and that girl from Arlington High last year."

He immediately paused, an anxious look creeping into his eyes as he stared at me, gauging the seriousness of my threat.

The night before Jazz finally grew a spine and asked out Alice, he got together with some random girl from the baseball team we'd played. She threw herself all over him, and he just went with it, all without ever knowing her name. Now, the moron lived in fear everyday of Alice finding out. It wasn't as if he'd technically done anything wrong—not that I was going to tell the prick that anyway.

"Stop being such a pussy, _Jazzy_. Worry about your own game." I headed out of the cafeteria without another word.

Bella was chatting with Alice beside her locker by the time I caught up with them. I pulled my locker open and fumbled for my biology textbook, my eyes not swaying an inch from her. She was dialing in her combination, still casually chatting with Alice, and when she pulled the door open, without any of the apprehension she'd had previously, all twelve of my pens dropped out and scattered around her again.

"Oh my _bloody_ God!" she exclaimed impulsively.

I turned to close the door of my locker, barely able to contain my laughter, snorting and choking it out with my back to her.

"Your brother is _driving me nuts_!" she blurted to Alice before I turned back around to her again.

She closed her locker, taking a deep, drawn out breath, before she slowly turned in my direction.

I glanced away quickly and headed for Biology before I was able to catch her gaze. I preferred her anger when I was sitting beside her, when she was pretending to hate me, while I turned all thermal and needed to do a freaking strip tease in front of her.

When Bella entered the class, her face was flushed, but she looked ... different—flustered, but different. She was hiding the remnants of a smile, and her eyes were, for the first time that I'd known her, bright and warm.

As she sat down in her seat, she turned to face me and flashed me a wry smile. I smiled back, cockily, but felt it soften almost immediately.

She plunked her bag on her lap and unzipped it to grab her textbook. I noticed it sitting among a sea of my pink pens.

I started chuckling, smothering it back on the eleventh hour. Her eyes flickered in my direction before she shook her head with the barest of movement. Her smile reappeared only fractionally on her lips before it faded, and she turned her attention to the front of the classroom just as Mr. Banner entered.

As much as it was obvious that Bella was conscious of me, it still took her about ten minutes into the class before she realized I was using one of _her_ pink pens to write with. It must have caught her attention, because prior to that, she was making a very deliberate show of ignoring me. Then, suddenly, her head snapped up and her gaze locked onto the pen for several seconds before her eyes slowly rose to meet mine.

"Do you need a pen, Bella?" I asked her softly, flashing her a grin that I knew would piss her off.

She continued to stare at me, her forehead creasing in a bewildered kind of awe. "Are you _trying_ to drive me crazy, Edward?"

I snorted into a broader smile. I couldn't help it. It was the way she pronounced my name. _Edwud._

"I'm just trying to get you to forgive me," I replied. I removed my jacket, my skin already feeling like it'd been torched. As much as I tried to hold out, sweltering in her presence was not a charming prospect.

"I _already _said that I forgive you," she replied in exasperation, wiping her hair from her face brashly.

"Then you'll hang out with me this weekend to prove it?" I asked, raising my brow with questioning emphasis.

She sighed a little too loudly, and Mr. Banner's scrutinizing gaze fell on us.

"I don't have to _prove _anything," she whispered in irritation.

"Okay, then, have it your way." I shrugged and turned my attention back to the open textbook in front of me, continuing to smirk smugly to myself.

She forced her breath through her nose. "Has anyone ever told you that you're completely bloody annoying?"

My grin inched broader, but I didn't reply. Bella turned away from me in an angry motion, her long hair whipping out, and I was engulfed by the fucked up scent of it. It immediately flooded my senses, making the blood in my veins run even hotter, threatening to give me a freaking boner. I pulled my sweater over my head, my hands beginning to freaking shake.

If Bella had witnessed me in this moment of weakness, as a puddle of drool at her feet, she would have instantly taken back the advantage. But as it was, she decided to ignore me again for the rest of the lesson; only she was slipping more and more. Every time she glanced in my direction, I turned to meet her gaze, flashing her a wise ass smile, and driving her frustration to levels that were becoming too freaking adorable.

She was really starting to crack.

At the end of the lesson, I turned to her; she was shoving her book back into her shoulder bag, still looking flustered.

"I'll see you Monday, Bella," I said, all kidding aside. I'd tortured her enough for one day.

She stared at me for a moment, her forehead furrowing in confusion. "Are you going home now?"

"I've got a baseball game right now. You should come and watch; it'll get you out of gym," I offered casually, before biting down on my lip, frowning to myself lightly. Bella being at the game was probably not a good idea.

_Fuck!_

I swallowed, then quickly cleared my throat and hoped she didn't notice how much that one sentence had my stomach in knots.

"Uh . . . maybe," she replied awkwardly, but offered me up a smile, slinging her bag over her shoulder.

I nodded, putting my jacket back on with clammy hands despite the fact that I was still overheated. I couldn't make up my mind whether I was disappointed or not. Bella watching me play baseball was something I'd need more than an hour's preparation for. If she came at that point, I would more than likely completely screw up, and Jazz would be pissed enough to act on his threat.

"Well, if I don't see you there, have a good weekend," I said to her, sincerely this time. I smiled at her, hoping I was still able to pull a glimmer of charm together.

She nodded, looking distracted. "You too, Edward." Her tone was softer as well, and a warm smile briefly lit up her face before it quickly vanished. Then, she hastily looked down and hurried out the door, leaving me staring after her.

She'd honest to God made me a lost cause.

_Was she coming around to me at all_? I wondered, becoming consumed with the beginnings of doubt.

**...**

I noticed Alice and Rose immediately. They were close to the barrier fence—noticeably without Bella.

It was probably a good thing; I'd be a sack of roasting hot nerves and clammy hands. I tried to convince myself it was for the best, but my heart still sunk like a freaking rock to the pit of my stomach.

"Hey, douche bag, heads up!" Jazz called to me from his position on first base. I caught the ball a second before it struck me in the head.

We were warming up, the game about to begin. I knew that I had to shake Bella from my thoughts, but I was failing miserably.

"Come on, Edward. Snap out of it!" Jazz called in frustration.

I threw the ball back with as much strength as I could manage. Jazz caught it, but I knew it hurt his hand. Flashing him a sly grin, I called back, "Arlington High chick, _Jazzy pants_!"

He chuckled and shook his head, turning back to home plate.

The game with Rochester High was almost three hours long. We took the lead in the fourth inning and won the game by a single run. Jazz hit a home run, and I almost killed myself stopping a ball from going over the boundary, but I'd successfully kept Bella out of my mind for the majority of the game.

Afterwards, Alice came onto the field and threw herself into Jazz's arms. I walked past them cringing, eager not to have to witness more of them than I already had over the last couple of weeks.

"Hey, good match, dude!" Jazz said to me as I passed.

I turned back to him; he was smirking at me knowingly. I broke into a light smile. "I told you not to worry, didn't I?"

"I would've made good on my promise," he added, his smirk turning sly.

"So would I," I replied without a pause, then scoffed as he tensed, while Alice turning to him with a puzzled expression.

I left him to explain to her the meaning behind it and went to have a shower in the locker rooms.

Me, Jazz, Alice, and a couple of other guys from the team went out for pizza that night to celebrate.

As we sat in the booths reading the menus, Alice leaned over to me and quietly said, "You know, I think Bella was going to come and watch today, but in the end she didn't because of Jacob."

I felt myself stiffen with an immediate surge of irritation. All the shit with the pens would probably get me nowhere since she went home every afternoon with that fucking prick, Jacob.

I sighed shortly but didn't reply, and Alice continued, "She keeps asking me what happened with you two, Edward. Jacob told her that you went psycho a couple of years ago and beat him up."

I snapped and slammed the menu down on the table. "If he doesn't watch it, I'll do it again."

"You might have to sort it out with him if you're ever going to get Bella on your side," she elaborated seriously.

That would be harder than it seemed. Too much shit had happened between us, and just the sight of him pissed me off to the point of wanting to knock his teeth out.

"I don't see why he has to have anything to do with it," I finally replied, stubbornly. I didn't like the idea of sucking up to Jacob, even for Bella.

"Bella told me that he bad mouths you a lot, and she doesn't know what to believe," Alice explained delicately before pausing in thought. "Have you ever considered the possibility, Edward, that maybe Jacob was telling the truth?"

"That's bullshit, Alice. I caught him doing it!" I said lowly, feeling my face darken by the memory.

"A lot of people were saying a lot of things, Edward, and it wasn't as if we went around advertising what was happening," she added gently, her tone soft as a flicker of pain crossed her face.

I knew that recalling those memories was difficult for her, and it pissed me off even more that she had to relive them again over fucking Jacob Swan!

"I caught _him_ though, not everyone else," I reminded her reluctantly, becoming pissed off by the conversation.

"I think, Edward, you took all your anger for what _everyone_ was saying, out on Jacob," Alice said simply. I glanced at her, and she smiled, her eyebrows rising with affection.

I sighed and looked away. "Shut up, you little rat. You're getting on my nerves." I was only half-teasing her, but was angrier with myself.

I'd thought that exact thing many times.

**...**

Saturday morning, I was driving back to Port Angeles. I enjoyed the drive; the monotony of it helped me think of more innovative ways to torture Bella. In addition, the stationary shop had ridiculous amounts of _pen things _as well as endless reserves of boxed, pink pens; which was the reason I was going back again.

An hour later, the stationary bag in one hand, a coffee in the other, I was heading back to my car.

As I threw the bag on the front passenger seat and got behind the wheel to drive home, I noticed the receipt from the stationary store had fallen out of the bag. I wouldn't have bothered with it, except there was something written on it. I reached over to grab it, examining it more closely. There was a phone number written on it and the name _Lyndsey_ followed by the words _call_ _me_ inside a love heart. I felt my cheeks flame as I desperately tried to recall the sales person—who obviously suspected that all my visits to the store were because of her—or him!

Shit, I was at a loss. I had no memory of Lyndsey—male or female—mainly because every time I was in the store, my entire thoughts were of how to crack Little Miss Stubborn.

I laughed lightly to myself and started the car.

I was back home and in my room by lunchtime, safely hidden from Alice and her curiosity. I opened a fresh box of pens and put them in the bubble wrap envelope I'd also bought that morning; tying an elastic band around them first so they wouldn't rattle around. On the front of the envelope, I wrote—disguising my handwriting:

**Isabella Swan**

**C/o- Forks High School**

**191 South Spartan Avenue**

**Forks, WA 98331**

I'd written her full name so she wouldn't immediately guess it was from me. Then with a red marker, I wrote _URGENT _in big bold letters across it.

With thoughts of Bella's reaction in my mind, I headed out immediately to post it.

I didn't see Alice again until Sunday morning at breakfast. I asked her if she remembered the sales assistant from the stationary store in Port Angeles. She shook her head blankly, and when I told her about the receipt, she burst into laughter.

"You might have to come with me and get my pens for me next time. I don't want to give this poor girl the wrong impression," I said, rubbing my chin wryly.

"I seriously don't think you'll need any more, Edward. Bella is about to crack," Alice confessed.

A small, triumphant grin twitched at my lips, before I could stop it. Alice rolled her eyes at me before they rose to glance over my shoulder just as I received an almighty whack to the back of my head that had me seeing stars.

"_JESUS, EMMETT_!" I roared in exasperation.

He sat down at the table and grinned at me with satisfaction before saying, "I heard you had a good game last night, Edith."

"Yeah, didn't see you there though," I muttered, running my hand to the back of my head where the asshole had just punched me.

"I was there, but I had to leave around the fourth inning." He shrugged simply. "I saw Little Miss Down Under there though. I think she might have a _bludging _crush on you—Jesus, what!?" he suddenly exclaimed, no doubt by the complete, fucked up look of horny shock that I could feel transforming my expression.

"Bella was there?" It was Alice who replied while I pulled myself together. I was suddenly roasting, and rock-fucking-hard.

Emmett nodded. "She was with the girl with the weird-ass name. Jacob's chick."

Alice threw me a small encouraging grin while the heat plateaued to the tips of my ears. All the while, Emmett was noticing the exchange between Alice and me, a sly grin spreading slowly across his face.

"Edwina," he drawled with a triumphant fucking look on his face. "So you do have a _bludge_ for Miss Dundee..." He winked.

I sighed to myself under my breath. With Emmett knowing, my life would officially suck for the next twelve months.

Alice snorted, but I wasn't sure at whose expense it was directed. I thought better of exiting the room; it'd only give Emmett more momentum.

"I remember you, _Emmett Dale Cullen_, acting like a complete moron to get Rose to go out with you not that long ago," Alice reminded him.

Emmett groaned loudly. "Jeez, Elfling, don't say my name like that. It's bad enough that we all sound like freaking rejects from the British Royal Family."

Alice laughed teasingly. "Not me! Ner-ner."

"Yeah, well, have some compassion for Edwina and me. If I weren't such a handsome devil, I'd get serious shit over it," Emmett joked, turning to wink at me.

"Oh, I suppose it wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that most of the male student body is shit scared of you?" Alice threw him a dubious look, quirking an eyebrow.

"Only in the ring, Hobbit," he confessed with another wink.

Luckily, with Alice's influence, Emmett completely forgot about the whole Bella issue. Now, all that I had to do was avoid him for the next freaking year and he'd forget it for good.

After breakfast, I had a shower—a fucking cold shower—then spent the rest of the day attempting to finish my homework. I soon realized that I barely had enough concentration to breathe, let alone finish my Trig assignment or whack off.

The next morning and for the first time in an age, I drove to school without Alice. Jazz had come to pick her up that morning, blocking me in the driveway while I was stuck behind them as they _said _their _hellos. _It lasted at least five minutes, but felt a lot freaking longer.

I honked my horn impatiently, watching through their rear view mirror as they pulled apart. Jazz waved to me briefly before pulling away.

I overtook them a minute later. I couldn't get to school fast enough, which probably wasn't such a good thing considering how worked up I was getting. The heat had already prickled to the surface of my skin, making me uncomfortable enough to want to rip my pants off.

I avoided Bella for most of the morning. I felt like a freaking firecracker, and I was sure that I looked as fucked up as I felt. I saw her by her locker before first period as I was gathering my books for my first few classes. She was gazing at the door of her locker, looking as though she was contemplating whether to open it or not. I only smirked lightly to myself, then closed my locker and walked to class before she had a chance to notice me.

Just before lunch, I ran into Alice.

"Bella just got you're _package, _Edward. She was called to the office halfway through class." She stopped to laugh to herself before adding, "I must admit, when she brought it back, _I _didn't even suspect it was from you."

"What package would you be talking about, Alice?" I asked, feigning innocence.

I continued heading towards fifth period, trying to fight off the urge to grin to myself, when without warning, I was shoved sideways with so much force that I was sent crashing into the wall.

"Why don't you watch where you're going, _Cullen_!" Jacob snapped at me before disappearing into the crowds.

I was immediately pissed off, as every single muscle in my body went rigid as I glared after him. It was coming to a head with Jacob; I was going to have to have it out with him. Every time he passed me lately, he went out of his way to shove me, and every time he shoved me, he did it with more force. This time he took it too far. I couldn't let there be a next time.

"I don't envy you over that fight," Jazz said lightly, coming up behind me.

"He's really getting on my fucking nerves now," I said lowly, between clenched teeth.

"Dude, he's taller than Emmett these days, and we've seen what _he_ does to you," Jazz replied, cocking a brow at me.

I jerked my shoulders in aggravation. "I'm not worried about _Jacob_."

I wasn't.

I sat in English, one part listening to Jazz and Mr. Cox, another part fuming over fucking Jacob Swan, and the last part waiting eagerly for lunch. I was anxious to know Bella's reaction to my _package_ and see if my plan was still on track.

At the end of the lesson, as she was walking past my desk, whore-bag Stanley paused and dropped a folded piece of paper in front of me, winking like a prostitute before continuing out of the class. I picked it up with a sigh while Jazz hung over my shoulder, leering at what was written. I didn't give a shit, to be totally honest, and was almost tempted to throw it straight in the trash.

But I didn't.

I unfolded it slowly:

**Edward,**

**If you'd like some company at Rob's party, I'm definitely going and would love to hook up.**

**Jessica X**

I snorted, screwed it up in my palm and tossed it in the trash can on the way out of the classroom.

"You're seriously gonna throw away a sure thing?" Jazz asked, almost incredulously.

"Yep, _unlike_ you and Miss Arlington High. How's that working for you?" I rolled my eyes at him. Just because whore-house Stanley fucked anything with two legs didn't mean I wanted to be one of them.

"Well, _technically,_ Alice and I weren't together then, so I'm totally in the clear," he replied with a cocky grin.

"_Well_," I imitated him sarcastically, "you've got nothing to worry about then. Just do me a favor, and make sure you tell her when I'm around, would you?" I smirked to myself at the thought of Alice's reaction, not to mention the way Jazz was turning five shades paler.

He grumbled something under his breath, then shoved me as we entered the cafeteria.

The first thing I did as I walked in was look over to Alice's table, and my eyes quickly met with Bella's; who appeared to be already watching me. She smiled at me, conceding, and kind of rolled her eyes before holding up the package of pens I'd sent her. I was so surprised by it that for a moment I wasn't sure if she was actually smiling at _me._ I almost looked behind me, but was glad I didn't. I didn't know how much of a loser that would have made me.

After gathering my confidence, I smiled back at her, struggling to make it cocky like I wanted to. I could feel the blood in my veins starting to hot up, and my expression turn fucking goofy. Getting a grip on my pansy ass self, I tilted my head and half shrugged as if to say, _you asked for it._ Her grin inched wider, showing her teeth, while she shook her head to herself and broke my gaze.

Alice seemed to be right. I didn't think I needed any more trips to Port Angeles for more pens. Miss Stubborn's wall was crumbling down before my eyes.

I only smiled to myself as I took a seat beside Jazz. I was well aware of how freaking exposed I was by it, though.

"Jeez, douche bag, whatever you did seems to have worked," Jazz spoke up, looking almost surprised.

I shrugged, trying to pull off a pretense of indifference, but the asshole wasn't even close to being convinced, and halfway through lunch, he started groaning loudly. "Jesus, Edward, could you be any more gay? You look like you're about to break out into a fucking serenade!"

Jacob's constant glaring from the other side of the cafeteria soon snapped me completely out of it. As soon as my eyes met with his, pissed off irritation immediately dominated my emotions. It wasn't possible for me to ever forgive Jacob, and I only hoped he had the good sense not to interfere where Bella was concerned.

I'd break his face _again_ if he tried!

**...**

By the time I arrived in Biology, Bella was already seated at our table. This surprised me. As I approached her, she looked up at me and smiled warmly. I returned it, unable to pull up any wise-assness—she noticed, too. When I reached the table, she pulled in her stool to allow me to pass, and as I did, my hand brushed past and disturbed her hair. Fuck me, it was so soft and silky beneath my fingers that I had this disturbing thought of plunging my face into it.

I sat down hastily and cleared my throat, becoming flustered and more fucking horny than I was able to grasp.

She turned to me, her smile becoming more genuine. "So ... I got your package today, Edward. Thanks."

"My pleasure," I replied, still compromised by her.

She sighed before it merged into yet another broad smile. "So, how long is this going to go on?"

"You don't know?" I asked her, raising my brow teasingly.

She rolled her eyes slightly, the smile not fading. "If I say no, I mean."

"Are you going to say no?"

"You haven't answered my question first." Her tone was light and playful—the little vixen was flirting with me!

I decided to pull out the charm and cockiness, and bring that wall of hers completely down. "Well, there are a few months yet before summer vacation, so ..."

She scoffed at first, before surveying me closely, a dubious look flickering in her eyes. Obviously trying to gauge whether I was serious or not. "I don't believe you."

My brows shot up. "You don't?"

"Not really. Sooner or later, you'll have to stop." She was smiling teasingly at me again, and _definitely_ flirting with me.

I refused to give her back the advantage. Taking off my jacket, I pulled my sweater over my head, revealing the t-shirt I'd bought in Port Angeles on Saturday. In big, bold letters on the front, it said 'I Have a Big Pen'.

"Oh, you think so, do you?" I finally replied with deliberate over confidence.

Her eyes fell to my t-shirt. She only stared at it dumbfounded for a moment before she looked back up at me; her expression was incredulous.

"You are _completely_ mad!" she exclaimed before she broke finally into soft laughter.

"What? It's true, I do. You want to see?" I teased her, stepping the charm up another notch.

Her eyebrows knotted doubtfully, and she gazed at me with sudden surprise. I wanted to laugh; she was so freaking adorable, but every time I thought I'd gained advantage over her, she snatched it straight back.

With my hands beginning to freaking shake again, I bent down and grabbed the stupid big novelty pen that came with the t-shirt out of my bag.

"See?" I said, holding it up.

She stared at it for a moment, speechless. Her eyes drifted slowly from it, back to my gaze, before again she conceded with laughter, shaking her head to herself, and beginning to look at me like most of the girls in the school did.

"_Okay, _Edward, I forgive you," she sighed, completely surrendering to me.

"You already told me you forgive me," I continued to tease her. I was pretty sure I'd finally won, but I kept the charm going for a bit longer. It wasn't going to last much longer anyway. I was five seconds from grinning like a freaking goofball at her.

She openly rolled her eyes, but her constant smile now was giving her away. "Okay, then, I'll _hang out_ with you."

Checkmate.

Teasingly, I straightened my back and sucked in my breath in a mocking display of triumph.

She flashed me a cynical look, but that smile remained ghosting over her lips. She cleared her throat. "On one condition, though,"

"What's that?" I inquired.

"I'll hang out with you, but no more pens, okay? I'm drowning in them!" She was flirting with me again.

Oh yeah, I'd definitely won the war.

"Deal," I replied, before holding my hand out for her to shake.

She looked at it for a moment, glancing up and meeting my gaze apprehensively, and in that one instant, all my confidence was shot—effectively giving her back the advantage, and more.

She didn't want to fucking touch me!?

I was about to pull my hand back, my ears feeling like they were being freaking barbecued, when she tentatively put her hand in mine. I squeezed it lightly before releasing it quickly; my hands had immediately gone clammy.

I had to face it; this girl was owning my ass.

Bella turned away and focused her attention on the front of the classroom. She had the smallest hint of a smile on her face, while her eyes were bright. she was completely controlling me, whether she was aware of it or not, and I was starting to become annoyed; annoyed at her; annoyed at how pathetic I was; and annoyed that I had no more layers of clothes to remove.

"Mr. Cullen?"

I snapped my head up, my heart jarring. Mr. Banner was suddenly before us, test sheets in hand as he scrutinized me.

"Interesting t-shirt," he commented dryly, peering at me over his glasses.

I grinned sheepishly, feeling my face flood with heat. I _seriously_ suspected he was on to me.

Bella's eyes darted in my direction, a fleeting look of amusement crossing her face, before she bent down and rummaged around in her bag.

I needed to get back some momentum and fast. Leaning toward her slightly, I asked her in a teasing tone, "Do you need a pen, Bella?"

She straightened up in her chair, pushing her hair behind her ear with one hand, before holding up one of my pink pens with her other.

"No, thanks. I have one." She flashed me a coy, playful smile; knowing exactly what she was doing.

It was me this time that conceded, releasing my breath and smiling over at her—exposing my freaking soul to her.

I might have cracked Bella Swan, but it was her that owned my ass.

Jesus, I had become Jazz.

**...**

At the end of class, instead of trudging clumsily out of the room, which was Bella's usual habit, she hung behind and walked out with me. Her next class was gym; I walked with her, even though my Spanish class was in the opposite end of the school.

"Ed-ward?" she stammered, her eyes uncertain, once we'd cleared the crowds in the hall.

I turned to face her; she'd stopped walking and was standing a few feet behind me, looking apprehensive, gently tugging on her lower lip.

I stepped back over to her. "Yeah?" I asked her softly.

"What's going on with you and Jacob?" she asked self-consciously, glancing down at her feet momentarily before looking up and staring seriously at me.

I sighed deeply and reached up, running my hand through my hair. "It's ... it's stupid, Bella. Don't worry about it."

Her eyebrows knotted in contemplation for a moment, before she asked, "Did you really beat him up?"

"Yeah ... I did, but it was a few years ago," I confessed, shoving my hands in my pants pockets and taking another heavy breath.

"What happened? Jake said you blamed him for something he didn't do." She seemed genuinely troubled by it, enough that I was beginning to feel anxious.

I opened my mouth to respond but shut it again. Telling her her cousin was a lying sack of shit probably wasn't the best thing to do at this point. "I-I don't even remember anymore. It was ages ago," I mumbled, knowing it was bullshit and she wouldn't buy it. I shrugged apologetically.

She nodded a little to herself and sighed. "I'm sorry he's been such a pain. He's really sweet ..." Her voice trailed off, and her eyes began deepening below her furrowing brow.

"I don't blame him for looking out for you, Bella. I do it with Alice all the time," I confessed, to which she immediately flashed me an all knowing smirk.

"I know. I remember." Her tone was light and teasing again, but it didn't stop me from feeling like a giant prick.

"Jesus ... I'm really sorry about that, Bella..."

She exhaled into a warm smile, rolling her eyes slightly. "You've apologized to me more times that I can remember, Edward. No more pens, okay—we had a deal."

I chuckled softly and nodded. "Okay, no more pens."

I was getting my ass handed to me. Who the hell was this girl?

"Anyway, see you tomorrow, Edward. I'm late for gym." She screwed her face up momentarily, before flashing me another canny grin. "There won't be anything delivered by FED-EX this afternoon, will there?"

"No," I admitted, shaking my head, trying to keep some kind of control over my expression before it passed all boundaries of goofy and scared the life out of her.

"Okay, I'm going to hold you to it," she replied, throwing me a feigned scowl, and completely flirting with me again.

"I promise," I replied, my tone going too soft, knowing I had a split second to leave before I became a stuttering mess at her feet.

She flashed me one last smile, before walking through the gym doors.

Turning, I walked to Spanish. I'd definitely won the war with Little Miss Stubborn, but it was me that had been conquered.

**...**

Out of habit or maybe because I wanted to see Bella before I went home, I hung around by my car after school on the pretense of waiting for Alice. She came along not long after, chatting and giggling with Bella.

Bella didn't seem to notice me until the last minute, and when she caught my gaze her face immediately flushed.

"See ya, Edward," she said with none of the awkwardness or discomfort I was used to; her tone was sincere and her smile was genuine.

"Goodbye, Bella," I replied, trying to remain casual, but I was too far gone.

"See ya later, douche bag," Jazz passed me then with a smart ass grin on his face, imitating the tone I'd just used on Bella; only exaggerating it tenfold.

_Prick!_

Alice only beamed at me, giving me a small, thumbs-up sign.

I shook my head lightly to myself, but kept up my façade, adding, "Oh, sorry, Alice. I forgot you were riding with Jazz."

"Uh-huh," she drawled with a knowing smirk.

Following shortly behind was Jacob. As _he_ walked past, he deliberately glowered at me, his expression calm, but his eyes hard and threatening. "You and I are going to have a chat about all this real soon, _Cullen!_"

I snorted sarcastically, mocking him. "Whatever you say, _Jake._" I threw myself in the car before another idea occurred to me where Jacob was concerned; one that probably wouldn't work well in my favor with Bella.

**...**

For the rest of the afternoon, I was the butt of Emmett's jokes. I brought it on myself, though; I wandered around the house with a freaking dazed look plastered on my face. I took it in good humor, but should have enjoyed it while it lasted, because in less than twenty-four hours, Bella would hate me again.

I knew Jacob was going to step in at some point where Bella was concerned. I should have been more prepared; I shouldn't have allowed him to provoke me. Because when he did, I effectively lost complete control of the situation—to the total detriment of everything I'd done to get Bella to come around to me.

I was coming across the field headed to sixth period the next day. We'd had a lunchtime baseball meeting, and I had about five minutes before class started. I was in a hurry. I'd planned on asking Bella on a date, but I wanted to get to her before class started.

Throughout the day Bella and I had chatted several times. Actually, I'd deliberately intercepted her on her way to class and we'd ended up chatting, making us both late. By the time lunch arrived, I was so freaking hot and bothered, that I was almost glad when coach called a lunch meeting.

I was so preoccupied with my thoughts that I didn't notice Jacob approach me. If I had, I might have taken measures to avoid him.

Seeing his opportunity, Jacob walked straight over to me and shoved me openly. I stumbled backwards, almost losing my footing. When I looked up, knowing full well who it was, Jacob was standing in front of me, holding his ground, sneering at me.

"If you think you have any hope with Bella, you're kidding yourself! You'll have to get through me first!"

The heat of my anger was searing. It burned every one of my muscles into action and clenched my hands into fists. I righted myself and, without another thought, lunged at him. Grabbing him by the scruff of his collar, I shoved him backwards.

"If you want to do this, asshole, we'll do this!" I growled at him.

He stumbled back several steps, and when he recovered himself, his face was red and rigid with anger. He came at me, and I prepared myself to move quickly when Emmett suddenly grabbed him from behind.

"Okay, guys! That's enough!" Emmett said gruffly, taking all his strength to restrain Jacob, who tried everything to free himself from his grip.

"Yeah, that's right, hiding behind your family again, Cullen! The lot of you are the same! Bella is too good for you—and there's no way I'm gonna let you near her!" Jacob spat back, becoming more pissed off the longer he remained restrained by Emmett.

Emmett let him go, and Jacob angrily shrugged him off, straightening himself and rising to his full height.

"Good thing Bella doesn't share your opinions, _asshole_! But how about we make a bet that I get into your cousin's pants, and you won't be able to do a thing about it!" I knew immediately it was a stupid, arrogant thing to say, but I was too fucking pissed to think better of it.

Jacob's reaction surprised me at first, before it slowly filled me with dread. He glanced past me over my shoulder, his eyes flickering with an emotion that I didn't catch. When he met my gaze again, he was all but sneering at me as he folded his arms across his chest with self-satisfaction. "I'll take that bet, _Cullen_."

My heart immediately lunged before it began thumping with panic in my chest. I turned around slowly, and my eyes immediately met with Bella's.

My heart sank; she'd heard everything. She stood rooted to the spot, a stunned, injured look ingrained in her face before she quickly replaced it with angry resolve.

"Bella, I..." I blurted, shaking my head, my tone pleading and apologetic, but

Ignoring me, she spun around and disappeared behind the gathering crowd.

My eyes then met with Alice's. She just shook her head at me slowly in anger and frustration, but with a trace of pity, before she turned and went after Bella.

I felt like I'd taken a blow from Jacob and had the wind knocked from my lungs. I whipped back around to face him; he was continuing to sneer at me triumphantly. "What's the matter, _Cullen_? Changed your mind?"

I opened my mouth to reply, to retaliate, and with my hands balled tightly into fists, I took a step in Jake's direction when Emmett suddenly grabbed _me_ this time.

"Let it go, Ed."

"I'm okay!" I insisted angrily.

He reluctantly released me, and without another word, or glance in _Jacob's_ direction, I headed to class. Raking my fingers stiffly through my hair, I expelled the air from my lungs deeply with angry remorse, knowing that no amount of pens was going to save me this time.

When I got to Biology, I paused at the door before continuing inside. Jason Michaels was sitting in Bella's seat. He looked over at me as I approached and smiled awkwardly. "Sorry, Cullen, Bella wanted to sit with Mike, I guess."

I sighed heavily beneath my breath and glanced at Bella. She was sitting next to Mike Newton three rows back from me, slumped in the chair, her head bowed, while idiot Newton tried to engage her in conversation. I looked back over to Jason knowing it wasn't his fault, yet the thought of him sitting in Bella's chair immediately pissed me off.

"No problem," I muttered, pulling my stool out angrily and sitting down.

"No wonder he kicked me out, though. Mike's got a serious thing for Bella," he snorted, as though I'd find that piece of information interesting.

I had the sudden urge to walk over to Newton and rip his cocky, little head off! Instead, I just flashed Jason an angry, sarcastic smile and otherwise ignored him.

I had to endure an hour of Biology with the entire class staring at me and whispering about my _almost _fight with Jacob. I also had to endure idiot Mr. Banner's continued scrutinizing over the new _seating arrangement._ But worst of all, I had to spend it miserable and fucking _cold. _I didn't need to remove my jacket; without Bella next to me there was no spike in my body temperature, no burning skin. I felt the same, miserable, cold Washington weather that everyone else was putting up with.

I had no chance to catch up with Bella after Biology. I was kept back by Mr. Banner to discuss my _uncharacteristically abysmal_ test score.

Bella left the classroom swiftly with that weasel, Newton, following closely behind. He was making a complete ass of himself as he practically fell over his feet to keep up with her.

She didn't glance over to me as she passed; she kept her head down, her eyes downcast. Her face was paler than it usually was and her cheeks were flushed. She averted her gaze from me, and I was almost glad for it. I knew what I'd see if she turned her eyes toward mine. I'd see that wall of hers completely back around her, with no hope of me cracking it again.

I had to speak to her; I had to tell her I didn't mean a word of it. I couldn't stand the thought that she believed it, but she did; I knew by the look in her eyes. I'd _meant_ to sound convincing—how else did I expect her to take it?

**...**

When I walked to the car that afternoon, Alice was waiting for me. Her expression was somber; I was expecting her to get angry and yell at me, but she just sighed in a resigned way. "You've screwed it up badly, Edward."

I nodded, taking a heavy breath, before rubbing my forehead with my fingertips, wanting to rip my skin off.

Who was I kidding? It was all my own doing. I'd let my ego with Jacob get the better of me. Bella was coming around to me despite all his efforts to sway her, and in the end it was me, not Jacob, who had pushed her away.

I unlocked the car. "Has she left already?"

Alice nodded. "She went home early."

I shrugged in answer, but Alice quickly added. "It wasn't because of you, Edward."

"Yeah, right," I mumbled, not really believing her, but not really giving a shit at this point.

I slid dejectedly into the car; Alice got in beside me.

"Not riding with Jazz today?" I asked her.

"Nope, my stupid big brother needs me more."

* * *

**A/N: You idiot, Edward!**


	7. Forget You

**A/N: *sings Cee Lo Green* Fuck you...  
Oh Edward, letting your ego get in the way. Tsk tsk.**

* * *

**Chapter 7.**

**Forget You**

**Bella's POV**

I walked hastily out of Bio with my eyes downcast. I should have walked straight past Edward with my head held high, letting him know that he hadn't got the better of me, but I couldn't. I could feel my face burning with the shame and humiliation I was still feeling, and I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of witnessing just how much he had affected me.

This is what happens when I let my guard down—when I expect more from people.

Mike's incessant chatter beside me was comforting; it kept me from focusing too much on what happened at lunch. He'd intercepted me on the way to Bio, offering for me to sit next to him if I wanted to avoid "Cullen"—as he had said.

I did, but now I was starting to regret that decision as well. What would running from Edward prove? At home the only way I got the boys off my back was standing up to them—usually with Rach as a back-up. I should have stayed exactly where I was and let Edward know, in no uncertain terms, that he'd made a huge mistake treating me the way he had. But I had no one to back me up here, and Alice—as much as I valued her friendship—was more than likely going to defend him.

And I was a coward, and the prospect of being treated differently by boys from now on had given me a false sense of security.

I'd fallen straight into it—again!

A swelling of emotion began to ache behind my forehead. A perfect mixture of hurt and anger; why did I think it would be different?

I walked to the gym with Mike's voice like white noise beside me. I was too distracted to properly hear him, but I wasn't distracted enough not to realise everyone was staring at me again. In Australia it was because I was the daughter of Renee Dwyer—no further explanation needed—here it was because I was some kind of conquest for Edward Cullen.

It wasn't as if no one had warned me; Jake had tried every day, but I had become too swayed by a pair of green eyes and a charming—altogether too confident—grin.

In only two weeks I had become the person I swore I never would!

"So, what do you think, Bella? Are you in?" Mike's voice quickly snapped me back to the present moment.

We were standing just outside the doors to the gym, about to go in. The icy drizzle had turned into a downpour, but I didn't register it. I was already trembling and it wasn't from the weather.

"Uh … in on what, Mike?" I asked, too on edge to feign courtesy.

He paused, looking uncertain all of a sudden. "The movies with me … Jake and Nessie."

He was asking me out? Asking me out because I sat beside him in _one_ class? Did he think I was some kind of "easy score" too? Just like my mother?

Well, fuck him and fuck Edward Cullen!

I only scoffed loudly, bitterly, before I reefed open the doors of the gym—letting them slam behind me—and stormed inside to the girls' locker room.

Alice was waiting for me.

"Bella, God! My idiotic brother! Are you okay?" she asked me anxiously, her eyes shining with concern.

I nodded, jerking my shoulders, feeling pissed off, but knowing the pain of humiliation was lurking just beneath the surface.

She flashed me a warm, sympathetic smile and said carefully, "I don't know what to say, Bella. I have no idea why Edward would say such a thing."

_I do. Because I was the perfect pawn to hurt Jacob, _I wanted to tell her, but I didn't. Instead, I shook my head and rubbed my forehead with the heel of my palm roughly. It was really beginning to ache with the threat of tears. Something I would _not _succumb to.

I cried over a lot of things, but it was sure as hell never because of boys!

"I don't really want to talk about it," I replied lowly, but too softly—too _weakly_.

Alice only gauged me for a moment, before asking again with apprehension, "Are you sure you're okay, Bella? You look a little … green." Tentatively, she reached over, touching my arm gently, and that was all it took to push me over the edge.

My eyes welled with tears. "I'm fine!' I insisted, even as my voice quivered, completely contradicting me.

Alice placed her arm completely over my shoulder, lowing me to the bench beside us, and like the pitiful wretch I was, I lost it. "He—he _humiliated_ me, Alice!" I stammered in between sobs, the volume of my voice increasing angrily with each word I spoke.

"Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry," she spoke softly with genuine sincerity as she tightened her arms around me consolingly.

I let the tears consume me for a moment. They were stemmed from anger just as they were from hurt and humiliation, so in a way, I was almost glad to be ridding myself of them. Alice continued to comfort me without saying a word. I half expected her to mention Edward; offer up some excuse for his bad behaviour, something, but she said nothing.

With my emotions beginning to stem from self-pity, I wiped my face dry with frustration and stubbornly rose to my feet.

"Do you feel better now?" she asked me gently.

I nodded.

I didn't. I felt like an idiot, and I wanted to scoff bitterly at my own stupidity. I'd fallen into a trap that I never would have from the boys in Australia.

I had been right all along; Edward was no different from any of them.

From beside me, I heard Alice sigh heavily. "Do you want me to tell Coach Clapp that you don't feel well?"

I nodded a second time, flashing Alice a grateful smile, but I should have been ashamed of myself for even contemplating running away.

I wasn't.

She disappeared to speak to the coach, returning a few moments later. "Come on, I've got to escort you to the nurse."

Sighing, I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder, before following Alice out of the gym.

"Can you ask Mike if he wouldn't mind driving Jake home?" I asked her after a moment of silence. I cringed slightly. I didn't like the idea of being in Mike's debt, but I couldn't just go home and leave Jake stranded.

"Sure, no probs," Alice replied warmly.

We walked along again in silence until we were within reach of the office, when Alice turned to me, her bright green eyes burning with guilt.

"Bella," she began delicately," Edward—"

"Alice..." I interjected quietly. Just the mention of his name caused my stomach to clench and it frustrated the hell out of me. I couldn't decide if he'd humiliated me more than he'd hurt me, but what I did know was that I didn't want to think about it—or him!

"All right, Bella, but can I just say one thing?" she asked, her tone tentative. She reached up and rubbed her forehead, with guilt clearly etched there. It bothered me; she wasn't responsible for him.

"What?" I asked reluctantly.

"What Edward said today is a _long _way off what he feels for you—I know this for a fact," she insisted, and her eyes that searched mine were wide and sincere.

I knew she would defend him. He was her brother, what was she supposed to do?

But I only huffed again. She obviously thought it would give me comfort, but it didn't. It gave me the opposite effect; an emotion I was trying to keep from getting a strangle hold over me. If Edward truly did feel something for me, then it made it a whole lot worse than if he was just using me from the very beginning.

Because he still said it—announced it, was closer to the truth—to the entire school, that he was charming one Bella Swan to get even with Jacob.

And charm me he did.

"It doesn't change anything, Alice," I replied with an irritated sigh. As much as I was pissed off, I was in the midst of an internal battle that I knew I was losing. As much as I wanted to deny it, I was forced to acknowledge I had felt something for Edward, and I had let him hurt me.

Alice squeezed my shoulder consolingly, but didn't reply. There was no way I'd be able to accurately portray the emotion I wanted to, anyway. I _wanted_ to be indifferent, but I had never felt that way about him—even that first day in Bio when he had treated me like crap.

I really was this pathetic!

It wasn't hard to convince Mrs Cope to let me go home early. It was the last period of the day and I wasn't _sick _enough that I couldn't drive myself home. The only condition was that she had to call Billy and let him know. I could handle that. Billy had a couple of grown daughters, so unlike The General, he wasn't so awkward around me.

Alice walked me to the parking lot. It was drizzling and ridiculously cold as usual, but ironically I found myself welcoming it. Shivering was a good cover, a good distraction.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Bella," she said gently, her eyes dropping and glistening with what seemed like continued guilt.

It pissed me off, and I wanted to tell her that none of it was her fault. I didn't want her to feel responsible for having a wanker for a brother, but I wanted to avoid bringing up Edward, so I ignored it. "Bye, Alice," I replied, flashing her a warm, grateful smile.

"Bella—I'm really sorry!" she suddenly burst, and this time the guilt was blatantly obvious in her expression.

"It's not your fault, Alice," I said earnestly, but the subject of Edward was really beginning to anger me more than anything else. He'd hurt me—though that was my own fault—but it pissed me off even more that he'd hurt Alice. I was so over people like him—like every boy I'd ever known, and like Renee. People who would hurt me over and over if I allowed it.

I'd be damned before I let Edward hurt me again.

"He's ... he's my stupid brother..." Alice mumbled, biting her lip and releasing her breath.

"You can't help that he's your brother," I said with a shrug of my shoulder, but I regretted those words immediately. Edward was a lot of things, but he was still Alice's brother, and it was a crappy thing for me to say to her.

She looked down awkwardly and nodded in response.

I huffed shortly, frustrated at myself, before flashing her an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, Alice."

Her eyes widened as she stared at me in surprise. "Whatever for, Bella?"

"I shouldn't put you in the middle. He's your brother," I confessed in a quiet voice.

Alice scoffed. "He deserves it all!"

Shrugging to myself again and pushing Edward from my thoughts, I climbed into the car. Alice waved at me; the look of guilt still the primary factor on her expression. I waved back and flashed her a heartfelt smile, before driving out of Forks High School and wishing I didn't have to return. My high school back in Australia was suddenly looking very appealing. At least there the boys left me alone and I had three of the best friends imaginable.

The instant my thoughts wandered to the guys, tears slipped down my cheeks before I was able to stop them. As pathetic as I was, I was able to convince myself it was because of how much I missed them, and not because of Edward and how much he'd humiliated me today.

**...**

It was an unnerving feeling walking into Billy's house when it was empty. It brought back memories of all the times I was left at home alone while Renee was out on one of her many dates and _sleepovers._ I didn't like it. I preferred the house when it was full of the sounds of Billy and Jake—even Nessie. All I could hear at that moment was the sound of my thoughts.

I went up to my room and was greeted by Chad's smiling face. Jacob had told me I could take the posters down if I wanted to, but it didn't seem right. Besides, Chad's face was comforting. His was the first face I seen as I walked into my room every afternoon, reminding me that I was no longer in my dim, little hovel of a room at Renee's house any more. Chad was staying.

Ignoring the multitudes of pink pens that were on my bedside table, I turned on my laptop, before I did the same with my IPod speaker. I needed to drown out my thoughts—and the eerie silence of the house.

And on second thought, I needed to get rid of all these bloody pens!

Huffing out my breath with sudden anger, I grabbed them from the side table and launched them one by one towards the waste paper basket that was a couple of metres away, against the wall. Only about one in ten landed in it; the rest scattered across the timber floor of my room, making it appear abstract.

"I hate the colour pink, anyway!" I burst out loud, after launching the last pen at the wall—it bounced off and landed in the bin.

Laughing to myself dryly, I flopped myself down on my bed and clicked open my mailbox. There was another email from Nummi. My heart warmed and as I clicked it open, it dissolved all my irritation in an instant.

**Hey Bells,**

**Okay, I gotta say, this Edward business is a little Twilight Zone. The pen thing is cute, don't get me wrong, but what's freaking me out is your reaction to it. Either boys in America don't fear your look of death, or this guy is different. You can talk about how up himself and immature he is, but it's not fooling anyone. Rach googled the Forks high school Baseball team, but we can't work out who he is. Send us a pic!**

**Nothing really new is going on here. There's a new farm hand working with Dad, his name is Mick, he's asked me out to the flicks on Friday. He's a bit of a spunk too. I'll let you know how it goes. Kel got a job working at Target, and Rach … is Rach. **

**Have you got a mobile yet? Pity what happened to your iPad, it'd be easier to keep in touch! **

**Anyways, it's late and we have the swimming carnival tomorrow. **

**Love ya and miss ya heaps and heaps and heaps!**

**Nummi xox**

**PS: is it snowing there?**

She'd attached a picture of the four of us a couple of days before I left, and as I gazed at it for so long, it eventually blurred and wavered behind my building tears.

I missed them—that was all!

With my music blaring, I pulled out my homework and started it, stopping only when I heard Jake and Nessie come through the front door.

I owed my cousin an apology!

Switching off my iPod, I headed for the stairs when there was a knock on my door.

"Bella? It's Nessie."

Opening the door, I smiled at her sheepishly. "Hey, Nessie."

She smiled back quickly. "Hey, Bella. Mind if I come in?_"_

"Sure," I said, opening the door wider and stepping aside.

We sat back down on my bed, and when she smiled at me this time, it looked as if it was out of remorse. "Are you okay? You look like you've been..." she abandoned the sentence as her gaze surveyed me more intently.

"I'm fine. I-I have a head ache—and doing my homework made it worse," I lied, knowing I sounded completely unconvincing.

"Jake sent me up to see how you were and to apologise. He feels really rotten, Bella." Nessie finally confessed, her tone gentle and full of guilt.

_Guilt? Why was everyone but that wanker, Edward, feeling guilty_? I wanted to burst, feeling my face flame at just the thought. And as I fumed for a moment, I failed to properly understand her meaning.

Then it hit me. "Does he think I'm angry at _him_?" I asked surprised.

She only nodded.

"Why? For defending me? Protecting me? Not being completely offended when I refused to heed his warning?" I exclaimed, my voice rising as the anger and frustration at myself grew.

Jacob had been the sweetest person in the world to me since I'd come to live with him and Billy, and like the ingrate that I was, I repaid him by throwing his worst enemy in his face every day.

Nessie smiled and shrugged before replying stoically, "He lets things with Edward get the better of him though, and he knew you were caught in the middle."

"He tried warning me about Edward, and I didn't listen," I said softly, feeling more shame begin to spread through me.

"Bella, it's not your fault. What happened with Jake and Edward happened long before you came here," Nessie insisted. Her expression remained gentle, but there was an edge of anger to her tone.

I looked over at her, and frowned. Did I really want to know? Did I really want another reason to hate Edward?

"You might as well tell me what happen between them," I conceded.

She took a deep breath, beginning, "You know how Alice had cancer...?" Her words faded off. I can only imagine it was due to the total expression of horror that had transformed my face.

"What?!" I exclaimed in disbelief.

"You didn't know?" Nessie asked surprised. "Well, it's probably not something she feels comfortable talking about," she quickly added as if to spare my feelings, but it wasn't my feelings that I was suddenly feeling sick over.

"When did she have cancer?" I asked, my tone choked with growing alarm.

"A couple of years ago. I'm not really sure of the details. She went away to a city hospital and Edward went totally off the rails. People were saying things and there were rumours going around, then one day Edward attacked Jake saying that he was spreading malicious rumours about Alice," Nessie paused, before scoffing, her expression hardening further." He broke Jake's eye socket, and Billy was going to have Edward charged."

Drawing my breath in, I subconsciously brought my hand up to cover my mouth. Jake had a small scar just below his right eye, and I wondered suddenly—feeling myself becoming reflexively tense—if Edward had been the cause of it.

Nessie nodded in agreement, her expression darkening. "Jake said he heard the rumours but he barely knew Alice and Edward. He says he never spread the rumours and I believe him. It's not something Jake would do—you know that, right?"

I shook my head in vehement agreement. "Of course."

"Jake's hated Edward ever since, and he's eager to settle the score with him," Nessie added her forehead creasing as her eyes reflected her sudden concern.

I scoffed, shaking my head to myself. "That's not half obvious."

"You know how big he is now?" she continued. Her eyes were glazed with pain and I almost shied away from what she was about to tell me.

I only nodded.

"When Edward beat him up he was small—one of the shortest in his class," Nessie paused her eyes welling with angry tears. "Edward took all his anger out on him, and Jake had no way of defending himself."

I thought back immediately to my first day in Biology, and how badly Edward had treated me. His over protectiveness of Alice explained his irrational behaviour to an extent. It was commendable, it really was, but at the same time, Edward was the kind of person who acted first and asked questions later.

He was the last person I needed in my life!

I'd spent seventeen masochistic years of my life living in chaos as Renee's daughter. I wouldn't allow a handsome face to put me in that position again.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Nessie asked me, snapping me from my brooding thoughts.

"Yeah, sorry."

She gazed at me for a moment, her eyes narrowing in contemplation. "Bella ... do you like Edward?" she asked me with delicate apprehension.

Her question jarred me. Did I? No one had ever asked me that directly.

I decided to answer as honestly as I could. "I thought I liked him, Nessie, but I don't anymore." I was satisfied with that—sort of.

Nessie and I walked back down stairs together where Jacob stood grinning at me sheepishly. I flashed him a huge, knowing grin, and his face lit up like a Christmas tree.

"You big dope. Why would I be angry at you?" I threw my arms around his neck, almost needing a springboard to reach him.

He engulfed me in his arms, practically crushing my ribs and knocking the wind out of me. I found myself wondering—while attempting to recover my breath—how Nessie, as tiny as she was, managed to go home unscathed every day.

"I'm sorry, Bells. I didn't mean for you to get hurt today. I just wanted you to see _Cullen _the way he really is." Aside from the 'Cullen' part, Jake's voice was otherwise tender.

"I did see, Jake," I said quietly, before continuing, "but just promise me you'll leave him alone from now on. He's not worth all this stress."

Jake's grin widened before he answered with a hint of aggression. "So long as he hasn't got his hooks into you, Bells, I'm happy."

"He definitely has _no_ hooks in me," I replied with a pseudo grin, as a twinge of regret accosted me.

Kel's voice immediately rang through my mind, reproaching me; calling me a _whinger_ and a _sook_. I almost laughed bitterly; that's exactly what I was being.

I hung out with Nessie and Jake for a few hours—while they slopped over each other until I could no longer take it—before retreating back up to my room to finish my homework. But the moment I walked through the door I almost slipped on one of the wayward pens I'd thrown across the room earlier.

"Bugger it!" I blurted, in angry frustration.

I was suddenly furious. Throwing myself on my hands and knees, I gathered all the pens up that were scattered across the floor, before shoving them angrily in an empty shoe box.

"You can have your pens back, Edward, and I hope you choke on them!" I muttered aloud as I picked up the final pen and threw it in.

Shoving the box under my bed, out of sight, I decided to head back downstairs. The prospect of being subjected to Jake and Nessie's love was suddenly more appealing than being alone with my thoughts.

At five-thirty Uncle Billy arrived home and I started dinner; happy for a proper distraction. We ate in uncomfortable silence as Billy sat scrutinising me. He'd obviously received the phone call from the school nurse that I was coming home unwell, but he didn't question me about it.

I helped Jake clean the kitchen before retiring early to bed. I was exhausted and was glad to be seeing the end of the day of what was becoming a trend of horrendous days since I'd started at Forks High School.

**...**

The next morning as I climbed into the jeep, I was clutching the shoebox of pens under my arm with resolve. Jake eyed them suspiciously, giving me a funny look, but didn't question me about them. I assumed the look on my face put him off.

We drove in silence, stopping to pick up Nessie before heading to school.

I noticed Edward's silver car immediately as I pulled into the parking lot. He and Alice were standing beside it looking like they were arguing. My heart quickened; I had not expected him to be waiting for me.

"Are you okay, Bells?" Jake asked me before he closed the back door. He and Nessie had exited the car, but I remained in the driver's seat, gathering my courage.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Jake. You guys go ahead. I'll see you later, okay?" I replied, with a forced smile.

I remained in the Jeep psyching myself up. It took several minutes and it wasn't made any easier with Edward's gaze constantly on me. It angered me, because I could feel myself becoming compromised as I sat there.

Shaking my head and pulling myself hastily together, I jumped out of the car before I could talk myself out of it. Then, raising my head high with determination, I walked with shaky legs toward him. As I approached, he looked up and over to me, and as our eyes locked together, I faltered, my resolve instantly wavering. Edward's eyes, which were normally so intense, were pleading and full of remorse. But pushing all uncertainty from my mind, I sucked in my breath, walked straight up to him and shoved the box of pens directly into his chest.

"Bet on this, _Edward_!" I blurted, emphasising his name angrily; though I hadn't planned on saying a thing to him.

He didn't attempt to take the pens from me, and they fell to the ground and scattered all around us.

I walked away quickly, because again my resolve was about to crumble. The resigned look in his eyes shook me, and as angry as I was with him, I was suddenly fighting a masochistic urge inside me that longed to walk back and wrap my arms around him.

I was clearly insane!

Bloody hell! I really needed to have some sense slapped into me; I was astonished by my own perverse desires.

I was in the midst of this internal battle with myself when Alice caught up with me.

"Bella!" she called falling into step with me.

"Hi Alice," I mumbled averting my eyes. I didn't want her to see the treasonous thoughts I was struggling with.

"Hey, I know you have every right to be angry, but Edward is so sorry, Bella. He really is," she offered gently.

I sighed angry with myself and annoyed that Alice would offer up such a pathetic excuse in defence of her brother. "_Sorry_ is he?" I demanded. "He was sorry last time, Alice, when on my first day at a new school, in a new _country, _he treated me like absolute bloody crap!"

She sighed, nodding in understanding, and shrugged. "You're right, Bella," she replied quietly.

I turned back to her instantly apologetic, not meaning to be so blunt—especially at her.

"Bloody hell—I'm sorry, Alice." I sighed.

She broke into a warm chuckle, gazing at me in wonder. "Bella, why are _you _apologising?"

_Because I was a pitiful excuse for a human being and moving thousands of miles away from Renee had not changed it,_ I immediately thought, but I would never burden Alice with knowledge of my mother.

"I didn't mean to take it out on you, Alice, that's all," was my eventual reply, as I was once again thrown into an internal struggle over her frustrating brother.

Alice sighed with a teasing exaggeration. "Oh, Bella, Bella, Bella, what _are _we going to do with you?" She slung her arm around my hunched shoulders before dragging me enthusiastically to class.

Despite myself, I broke into a reluctant smile.

I went through the halls with my eyes lowered, even with Alice beside me. I was determined to stay indifferent to Edward, but was worried I'd look up and find myself staring into those dejected eyes of his again and completely crumble.

There was no words for how pathetic this made me, but I refused to waver.

Before fourth period, I went to my locker and discovered a folded note inside. Releasing my breath deeply, I thought for a moment about throwing it away. Instead, with trembling hands, I opened it. At the sight of Edward's handwriting and despite the fact that I was expecting it, my chest went tight.

**Bella,**

**I'm not even going to bother to offer an apology for my behavior yesterday, because there aren't words enough to excuse me. Just please know that what I said was not what I feel about you. I just hope that you can forgive me.**

**Edward.**

I stared down at his handwriting reading and re-reading it over and over as my resolve wavered then snapped back repeatedly.

Was I unable to hate him in light of everything he'd done to Jacob?

I was aghast. He was _not_ Renee! What the hell was the matter with me? I was _still_ making the same mistakes.

_So much for my fresh start_, I thought to myself, scoffing beneath my breath.

I headed to fourth period Spanish, throwing the note in the trash as I passed by it.

**...**

"Has Edward spoken to you yet, Bella?" Alice whispered to me during class.

I felt my face burn for a moment before turning to her. "In a sense; he put a note in my locker."

Alice paused for a moment in contemplation, before adding delicately, "You do know he's going to want to talk to you, don't you?"

"I'm expecting it, I guess." I sighed.

"I told him to give you space. I practically had to siphon the gas out of his car last night to stop him from driving to your house," Alice confessed.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. "Alice, I really don't want to talk about him. I realise it's unavoidable that I'll see him at Bio. I'm prepared for that. I..." I abandoned it, already flooded with doubtful thoughts, and shaking my head in a vain attempt to rid myself of them.

"Okay, I ... I just want to help you get past it, Bella. Even if you're never more than bio partners," Alice replied gently.

I almost snorted sarcastically. _We aren't even that any more_, I wanted to say. Instead, I turned to her and smiled gratefully. "Don't worry about me, Alice. I'll be right."

She flashed me a grin before turning back to her book. I continued to gaze at her a moment longer, recalling what Nessie had told me the day before about her being sick. I was on the verge of bringing it up, when I stopped myself. I didn't want to pry; she'd tell me if and when she was ready. She had shown me that courtesy when I first arrived, and I at least would return it.

**...**

Edward was waiting by the entrance to the cafeteria when Alice and I headed to lunch. I knew enough to suspect he was waiting for me. Still, when I caught sight of him, I paused mid-stride unsure of what I should do.

"Want me to tell him to _bugger off_?" Alice said teasingly, imitating one of my most used phrases and making me want to cringe.

I was about to answer when Edward's gaze met mine. His eyes were jaded and pleading, and instantly I felt my anger and indignation towards him weaken.

He'd made a complete fool of me the day before and this was my reaction to him?

"No, I'll hear him out, I guess," I mumbled, my eyes still locked with his.

"Okay, I'll see you inside then," Alice replied, before walking past Edward as she entered the cafeteria, glowering at him.

Edward only flashed her an exasperated look, before he turned his gaze back to me again.

I sighed inwardly, ordering myself to stay strong before walking over to him. He took the few strides to meet me, before he motioned for us to go outside and away from the crowd of potential eavesdroppers.

I nodded begrudgingly and followed him outside where the chill of the wind would at least mask my flushed cheeks.

Edward turned to me to speak, but I cut in, "I'll hear you out, Edward, but then I want you to leave me alone!" I was determined to keep my resolve not to be weakened by his charm, steadfast.

He bowed his head. "Okay," he agreed softly, before looking up at me again. Then sighing deeply, he opened his mouth, but paused as if he was searching for the right words. When he eventually spoke, his voice was remorseful. "I-I'm ... sorry, Bella..."

There was obviously more he wanted to say, but didn't.

"I thought you said you weren't going to offer up an apology," I replied quietly, tearing my eyes from his as I struggled under the intensity of his gaze. It was beseeching and regretful, and his eyes were burning with concentrated amounts of it.

"I have no defence. It's all I _can _say," he replied, giving me a small rueful smile, before running his hand through his hair and turning away from me.

I had the urge to pound my palm repeatedly against my head. What was the matter with me? What was it about _him_?

I didn't smack my head, instead I closed my eyes, rubbing my forehead and groaning under my breath with such exasperation that it eventually became audible.

He continued speaking, seeming anxious by my groan. "I didn't mean it—of course I didn't mean it, Bella! This ... _thing _with Jacob, it's nothing _at all _to do with you."

I looked up at him again; his pleading eyes were penetrating and dissolving my will as I stood there. I opened my mouth to reply something sarcastic, but stopped myself.

I was on the verge of throwing every scrap of my dignity and self-respect to the wind, when I was suddenly distracted by Jessica Stanley as she walked past. She threw me a scornful glare then winked seductively at Edward, blowing him a kiss. Edward watched her pass, his eyebrows knotted, his expression ... I couldn't read it, and instantly I was pissed off.

I felt my resolve snap back into place before my blood rose to heat my face angrily.

"I don't know why you're even bothering with me, Edward. Why don't you just _hang_ _out _with Jessica and give _her_ your pens? You're both _exceptionally_ good at humiliating me in front of half the school!" I burst out angrily, before stomping away.

I heard Edward groan in frustration as I opened the door to the cafeteria before disappearing inside.

Alice flashed me a pained look, her forehead creasing deeply with it, as I sat down next to her.

"That bad?" she asked me tentatively.

"Uh-huh," was my reply.

"What did he say?" she asked, her tone remaining delicate.

I opened my mouth to answer, when I paused. What _did _he say? He'd apologised, but was that the reason why I got so angry with him? Or was it because of Jessica? I shook my head lightly, pushing it to the back of my mind, knowing I wouldn't like the conclusion.

"Nothing, much," I mumbled after a moment.

Alice exhaled, before replying, a smile playing on her lips, "Just remember, Bella, he's male, and there really isn't much hope for any of them."

Scoffing shortly in agreement, I glanced subconsciously over to the cafeteria's entrance when my eyes met with Jacob's. He immediately broke into one of his famous, sunny smiles before mouthing a very deliberate _'you okay'_. My heart warmed, I smiled at him with affection and nodded that I was fine.

The minute I turned away, though, my thoughts were back in turmoil. It should have been simple; black and white. Edward was an asshole and I needed to avoid him. But it wasn't, it was far from it. Something within me was insisting there were shades of grey.

When I walked into biology that afternoon, Edward looked over to me from our lab table. Our eyes caught momentarily before he looked away again with an obvious defeated sigh.

I noticed my regular seat next to him was still vacant, and I thought about sitting next to Mike for a split second, before I realised the error of that decision. I didn't want to give Mike any more encouragement than was absolutely necessary. Besides, being around him made my skin crawl, and the idea of avoiding Edward to the point of switching seats suddenly seemed ridiculous.

Edward had obviously expected me to sit with Mike, because when I took the chair next to him the look on his face was surprise.

I huffed out my breath impatiently. "I wouldn't look so smug, Edward. I'm only sitting here because I suspect Mike is a bigger letch than you are!"

He broke into an immediate grin, almost chuckling through his nose. "I can deal with that."

I huffed to myself again, irritated; only, I wasn't sure if it was more at him than it was at me. Deciding I didn't want to know, I turned abruptly away from him, keeping my gaze to the front of the class.

Mike walked into the room a moment later, and as soon as he saw me sitting with Edward, his face fell. He walked to his table crestfallen and I didn't have to be facing Edward to see the cocky smile that was written across his face. I internalised my impatience with him, having the urge to kick him under the table, but kept my charade of indifference for him intact.

I smiled apologetically at Mike as he passed, but he was more interested in glowering at Edward. I felt a slight pang of guilt for Mike before shoving it away, annoyed at myself again.

I sat next to him for one day—that was it. It didn't mean we were bloody engaged.

Mr Banner walked in and the class started. I felt Edward's eyes on me constantly without having the need to glance in his direction, and when he made a motion to speak, I turned around to face him abruptly.

"I don't want to talk about it, Edward!" I blurted in an angry whisper, only, I was far angrier at myself than I was at him.

He gazed at me intently for a moment, his eyebrows knotting as if he was trying to work me out. I turned hastily away from him before he succeeded.

"Bella?" he asked me softly.

I sighed, praying for an aneurysm.

"What?" I asked without turning to meet his gaze.

"Tell me what I have to do for you to forgive me?" It was a good thing I wasn't looking at him, because the resonance of his voice alone was crushing my resolve.

"Apologise to Jacob," I answered softly but with conviction.

There was silence. I turned my head slightly glancing at him from my peripheral vision. His hands that were resting on the table were clenched into fists. I turned to face him squarely. His eyes looked conflicted below his heavily creased brow, and when he locked them with mine they turned apologetic.

"I can't do that, Bella."

I sighed, immediately offended. "And _I _can't..." my voice trailed off. I turned back to face the front of the room. It was better that I left it at that.

Edward did not attempt to talk to me for the rest of the lesson. He did the usual Edward Bio things that I was accustomed to; taking off his sweater, sighing to himself and running his hair through his hair a few hundred times, but that was it. And I couldn't in all honesty say I was happy about it.

For the next two weeks that was how it was with him. He was polite and he was courteous, but he wasn't the charming, annoying Edward that I'd been shamefully bounding out of bed every morning for. I would pass him in the halls and he'd smile considerately and continue on his way. In Bio, he would acknowledge me when I sat beside him. He would _still_ take his sweater off and run his hands through his hair several times, but other than that, it was nothing that extended beyond being his Biology partner.

Another thing I also noticed during this time was that Alice stopped bothering me about him. In fact, Alice stopped mentioning him period. Suddenly it was as if he had never become an issue.

I was angry. How dare he play with my emotions the way he had.

I would glare at him as we passed in the halls, and at first it seemed to upset him, but after a while his expression would darken and he'd scowl to himself, obviously pissed off. This would carry into Bio as well. One minute he'd be friendly, attempting to gauge me in conversation, but other days he'd sit beside me in stony silence.

But I refused to budge; refusing to apologise to Jacob was the deal breaker for me. What did it matter anyway? I was used to all this back home; boys all too quickly lost interest in me when they realized they couldn't get what they wanted.

**...**

The following Sunday Alice and I went shopping in Port Angeles. I'd admitted defeat and realised I needed serious help with my sense of style, and Alice was only too willing to help me out. I ended up buying a whole lot of stuff I was sure I'd never use—a whole bunch of make-up being just a fraction of it.

"_Bloody hell, _Bella, you're such a _spunk,_" Alice teased me as I peered into the mirror, not recognising the heavily made up person staring back. "See? Not bogan at all."

I met her gaze through the mirror, and flashed her a feigned scowl, shoving her playfully. She got a lot of amusement from my language, but never in the sense that I became neurotic over it.

We were sitting in the middle of my bedroom floor, as I begrudgingly let Alice give me a make-over. I had to hand it to her, I didn't look half bad; only, there was no way I'd ever go out in public looking like this.

"Isn't it nice to see yourself in colour?" she joked lightly, after I'd taken the hand mirror from her to properly inspect the way she'd applied the eye liner.

Bloody hell, my eyes looked like saucers!

"I think I prefer being in black and white," I said dryly handing her back the mirror.

She laughed nudging me gently, before getting to her feet with a wistful sounding sigh. "Well I'd better go, Emmett and Ed-ward have probably burnt the kitchen down," she stammered stiffly, her eyes flittering away from mine abashedly.

I released my breath, lightly; in good humour. "Bloody hell, Alice, that was awkward."

Besides what was there to be awkward over? I was long past her _brother_.

With her eyes narrowing slightly, she gauged me for a moment, before chuckling warmly, and linking her arm through mine. "Come on, _Barbie_, walk me out. Your Uncle Billy scares me."

"Okay, but first let me wash this make up off. I can feel my pores picketing in protest," I joked, plus Billy scared me just a tad too, and I didn't want him seeing me made up like a hooker.

I stood at the front door, hugging my arms around myself and shaking in the icy wind. The temperature seemed to drop to freezing during the last hour.

Alice laughed. "Okay, I won't make you stay out here for too long—your lips are already blue—but just one more thing?"

I nodded questioningly. "W-what?"

"What's with all the Chad Michael Murrays?" she asked with dubious amusement.

I laughed. "They're l-left over from when Jake's sisters lived h-here."

Alice raised her eyebrows with a teasing scepticism before smirking. "Uh-huh."

"Honest-ly." I chuckled, only to shudder violently as a chilled shiver ran up my spine.

"Get inside before you freeze. I'll see you at school tomorrow," she ordered with a teasing grin, before walking briskly down the path and getting into her car.

"S-see ya, Alice," I called out, before hurrying inside and shutting the freezing wind out with a slam of the door. "_Bloody hell_!" I exclaimed, attempting to rub warmth back into my frozen limbs.

Jake looked up from the lounge as he watched TV, and grinned. "Yeah, I don't know how you put up with that Cullen chick either, Bells."

I rolled my eyes. "Very funny, Jake. Tell your dad I'll be down in five minutes to start dinner, okay."

"Sure thing," Jake replied simply, turning back to the television.

I headed back upstairs, planning on checking in with the guys before tea. I hadn't emailed them in a while, I reminded myself with a pang of guilt. I tidied my room as I waited for the Internet to properly connect, before opening my mail. There were four emails and I noticed, as my heart skipped a beat, that the first one was from Renee.

I opened her email, before slamming my whole laptop closed angrily the second I read it. She had asked—or more demanded—money, along with a barrage of, obviously drunken, insults.

But then what did I expect from her? For her to ask how I was doing?

It took me a few moments to calm myself down before I opened my computer again and deleted Renee's email without replying.

The other three emails were from Rach. I opened the first one with a grin already replacing my reaction from Renee's.

At first I thought she was joking; it was ... odd.

**Bella, as soon as you get this email ring me immediately. None of us have your new phone number!**

I opened the second one more intrigued. It was sent almost twenty-four hours after the first.

**Bella! Where are you? I need to speak to you URGENTLY!**

My heart sped up a fraction. The overtone of the emails had me troubled. I opened the third one that was sent an hour after the last.

**Bella, I didn't want to have to tell you this via email. Kel has been in a serious accident. Her outlook is not good. Please, please, **_**please**_** call me.**

My heart immediately lunged into my throat. I read and reread the email repeatedly to make sure I hadn't read it wrong. It said the same thing each time, and I was slowly filled with a heart-wrenching dread.

_Kel!_

I somehow managed to get my legs to work as I half ran, half stumbled out of my room and down the stairs, where Jake practically caught me at the bottom.

"Bella, what's wrong?" he exclaimed.

"I-I have to call Australia—something's happened!" I blurted, pulling myself out of his arms immediately and snatching up the phone. I dialled, but dialled wrong. Slamming the phone down, I dialled again, with my hands shaking violently.

"Bella, what happened?" Uncle Billy asked, suddenly before me.

"Something's happened to Kel—I have to call home!" I blurted, choking past the horrible realisation of it.

Again, I dialled wrong; I almost broke down. Throwing the phone to Jake, I pleaded with him, "Jake, please dial out for me—_please_!"

"Okay, Bells, calm down and tell me what number to dial." His voice was gentle, but it only made my panic increase.

I told Jake Rach's home phone number, my voice trembling and unsteady. I felt sick! He dialled it carefully, listened for it to ring, before handing the receiver back to me.

It picked up a moment later by Rach—only it didn't sound like Rach; her voice was hoarse and broken. I opened my mouth to speak, my voice almost failing me. "Rach—it's me. _What happened_!?"

She broke down immediately. "Bella, it's Kel! She was in a car accident and they're saying she's not going to make it!"

My heart started pounding furiously, but I refused to believe it; I could barely process it. "What?" I uttered, my voice barely more than a whisper.

Rach was almost incoherent, and as I fought to hear her past the sheer terror of my heart as it echoed in my ears, I made out something about the doctors advising Kel's parents to switch off life support.

The phone fell from my hand, my chest restricted, and I collapsed, crumbling into Uncle Billy's arms.

This wasn't happening, I told myself over and over, as I struggled to breathe past the absolute terrifying enormity of it.

It had to be a nightmare!

* * *

**A/N: This story changed course a few times before it really stuck, and it was a bit of a struggle for it to have it all blend together without it sounding ridiculous. A part of me still thinks it does.**


	8. Nightmares

**A/N: Not a happy chapter. **

* * *

**Chapter 8**

**Nightmares**

**Bella's POV**

I didn't sleep a wink that night. I'd spent it in overwhelming panic, with the horrifying reality of it slowly sinking in. I called Nummi, desperately hoping she'd somehow tell me a different story—that it was all a mistake, and Kel was fine, but she didn't. Her wretched, heart-broken voice only cemented it further into truth. I cried all night—with Jake, as sweet as he was, beside me—pleading for it not to be happening, but by morning I was numb, and I could no longer deny it.

_Emotionally_, I was numb, but physically I felt like I was suffocating.

Billy stayed home from work to keep an eye on me, popping his head around the corner of my bedroom door every so often to check in on me. I pretended to be asleep, but when he withdrew and shut the door again, my eyes welled with inevitable tears. Billy had treated me as though I was his own daughter from the moment I'd stepped off the plane at Port Angeles. It touched me so poignantly, and more so now when I needed him with every part of my soul.

It was decided on my behalf by Uncle Billy, my father, Rach and Nummi—even their parents—that I wouldn't come back to Australia. Just yet, that is. But even as I was sick with fear over Kel, the very real prospect of going back home had filled me with a debilitating panic. Not because I feared Kel would die, but because I feared seeing Renee, and facing that part of my life again.

At around one pm, I dragged myself down stairs. Billy was sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper when I came into the room.

He looked over at me and flashed me a warm, sympathetic smile. "How are you feeling, Bella?"

I shrugged despondently. "I'm fine, I guess."

I was beginning to be plagued by a voice deep within me that told me I needed to go back home—I _needed _to get to Kel's side.

I let out my breath miserably.

Billy only smiled, his eyes glistening sadly. "Try and be positive, okay?" he replied after a reflective pause.

I nodded numbly. "Any news?"

"Oh, yes. One of your friends ... Naomi?" he paused, raising his eyebrows with uncertainty. I smiled slightly and nodded, and he cleared his throat before continuing. "She called about an hour ago to say that Kellie was still having tests done and that she was still ... hanging on."

I only nodded again, as my heart skipped nervously, suspecting he wanted to use another word for Kel's condition; one that wasn't so sugar coated.

I sat down at the table next to him and exhaled into a long, wavering sigh that was entwined with disbelief. "I can't believe this is happening," I whispered.

Billy put his hand on my shoulder, consolingly. "I'm sorry, Bella. But don't give up hope yet, okay?"

Nodding for the third time, I didn't reply. What was there to say?

Billy insisted on making me bacon and eggs, which only made me more nauseous, before I trudged back upstairs. I had a shower and spent the rest of the afternoon avoiding his overly concerned parental vigil by hiding out in my bedroom and pretending to sleep.

But alone in my room my thoughts only drifted inevitably to Kel, increasing the tsunami of fear and pain—and the guilt. Guilt because I should have been with her. Despite what everyone thought was best for me, I should have been sitting on a plane this very minute on my way back to Australia. I needed to overcome my anxiety over Renee, but I knew pathetically I never would.

Nummi called around three o'clock, and as soon as I heard her voice I burst into tears. Kel was still the same. She was hanging on, and it gave me more reason to feel optimistic. She was tough; she'd get through this.

She had to.

"Nummi, I want to come, really I do—so much..." I paused, unable to finish the sentence. I couldn't find the right words to explain it to her so she'd understand, because there wasn't any.

"Bells, you don't need to be here—so please don't do this to yourself," Nummi said quietly, her tone gentle but firm.

It didn't make me feel any better. "Are you sure you're not mad at me?" I asked timidly.

"Of course I'm not mad at you!" I could picture her rolling her eyes and my heart ached. I missed them so much, and didn't realise how the absence of them had left a huge void in my life.

For the rest of the day, I decided to cling to optimism. Kel might have been in a coma, but she was still alive. I needed hope; it was the only way I could breathe. But the guilt was something else altogether; it was shredding me, and I wasn't able to overcome it.

I found myself longing for Jacob, for his company; for the distraction of him and Nessie; and to be reminded why I had to keep Edward out of my thoughts. They arrived home right as expected, and true to spirit for both of them, they came straight into my room and wrapped their arms around me, simultaneously.

It threatened to inundate me with fresh tears, but determined to stay optimistic, I held them off.

"Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry! Is there any news?" Nessie asked gently.

Shaking my head, I replied, barely managing an audible sound, "No, she's still the same."

"But that's good news then?" Nessie replied, raising her brows, her smile remaining gentle.

I nodded, and she fully released me.

I looked over to Jake. He looked exhausted. Like me he hadn't slept a wink, but he still insisted on going to school, even when Uncle Billy had ordered him to bed.

"Oh, Jake, you look buggered!" I exclaimed, feeling terrible.

His bloodshot eyes crinkled in tender amusement. "I'm fine, Bells."

"Yeah, we were going to go to the movies tonight, but I think we might postpone," Nessie said looking at Jake with genuine affection.

Jake turned to her and they shared one of their sloppy, loving gazes.

I only grinned wryly to myself, overwhelmingly grateful for a moment of reprieve.

When Nessie was able to tear her eyes from Jake, she turned back to me, her face suddenly lighting up. "We should all go in a few days, Bells, and Mike said he mentioned it to you already?"

I nodded, forcing myself into half-heartedness, at best, wanting to groan.

"Please consider it, and maybe it will help you get your mind off things," Nessie suggested with sudden enthusiasm, smiling with what I'm sure she thought was the prospect of a riveting night out.

I nodded again, attempting a second smile in return. I didn't really want to give Mike any encouragement, but I was too distracted to really focus on it. "Sure, thanks, Nessie."

Nessie's smile broadened with satisfaction. "Great, Bella. I don't know if I should be telling you this, but I think Mike has a bit of a crush on you."

This time I did groan, barely under my breath, as a surge of added frustration threatened to make it audible.

Nessie quickly added, becoming suddenly uncertain, "It's okay. I think he knows the thing with ... Edward..."

I glanced up at her in surprise, my face immediately flushing. "What _thing_ with Edward?"

I hadn't realised anyone was aware of what was going on with Edward and I, but of course, everyone knew. I felt like cringing. The whole school had definitely heard what he'd told Jake he'd planned on doing with me.

Nessie exchanged a glance with Jake that I didn't quite understand, before turning back to me. "Well, we ... kind of thought you were—."

"There's nothing going on with me and Edward—_nothing_!" I interjected, insistent.

Nessie nodded quickly. "I'm sorry, Bella, we just … " she allowed her voice to trail off, which gave me the impression that she was speaking with hidden innuendos.

I shook my head and cleared my throat softly with quiet resolve. "It's okay, but believe me there's nothing between us."

This time when Nessie turned to glance at Jake, I understood the meaning behind their shared look completely.

Scepticism.

I broke her gaze, barely concealing my frustrated huff. I wanted to yell, t_his is not about Edward!_ Instead, I took another deliberate breath and allowed myself to calm. "Did you guys tell anyone at school today … a-about what happened to Kel?"

They shook their heads simultaneously, and I released my breath in relief. The last thing I wanted to do was answer questions, or explain myself; explain my life—or anything that would lead to Renee.

Alice called me before bed and again her concern threatened to bring me undone. I told her I was feeling unwell, but would be back the next day. I felt guilty lying to her, but I knew she'd be completely wonderful, and I shuddered at the prospect of having her know any more sordid details of my life before Forks.

I decided to keep it to myself—at least until I knew for certain what was happening to Kel.

I slept terribly again. My mind was overflowing, and I was unable to switch it off and fall into a deep sleep; though, the sleep I did manage to get was interrupted by dark, disturbing dreams.

By morning, I looked and felt a complete mess.

I trudged downstairs to a rather rejuvenated Jake, who grinned at me widely before his face instantly fell with concern. "Whoa, Bells! You should stay home again today. You don't look so good."

What I wanted to do was crawl back in bed and go to sleep for the next ten years, but since that wasn't likely to happen, I was better off at school. Besides, I wasn't too keen on spending another day alone with nothing but my thoughts.

I shook my head lightly in reply; it was heavy and sluggish. "I'm fine, Jake. The distraction today will do me good. Plus I don't want to hang around all day waiting for news, you know?"

Jake nodded in agreement. "No news is good news, huh?" his voice was tender for a moment.

I smiled at him warmly, before clearing my throat behind a sudden swelling of emotion. I had to hold it together; I had to hold on to hope.

**...**

Alice's face was a perfect mask of concern when she caught up with me before first period. "Oh my goodness! Bella, you should have stayed home again."

"I'm okay, really, Alice," I replied with a hoarse voice, smiling at her to emphasise it, but she only flashed me a dubious look.

I walked from class to class struggling with the turmoil of it and becoming more and more panicked. I don't know how I expected I could keep it from my thoughts. It was always at the front of my mind; a terrible reality that threatened to crush me. All it did was draw more attention to me. Alice's focus was never far from me.

And so was Edward's.

No longer was I scowling at him from the other side of the halls, and when my eyes met his as we passed his concern was as blatant as Alice's.

**...**

"Bella?" Alice whispered to me during English.

I turned to her; her eyes were searching mine. I looked away quickly. Her gaze was cracking my resolve the longer I held it.

"Yeah?" I answered softly after a moment.

"What happened? I know something's going on. You can tell me, you know that, huh?" The timbre of her voice was so gentle that it tore at my heart.

I only nodded, but didn't offer a reply. Instead, I inhaled back the tears that were threatening and turned away.

She released her breath but didn't say another word.

It was so hard to focus with the level of anguish that faced me, and I started questioning why I was hiding it from her. But I quickly reminded myself that Alice would then expect me to return to Australia; what was I supposed to say to her then? That the very idea of the abusive, alcoholic mother I left behind, placed more fear in me than the prospect of losing my closest friend? I would have to explain Renee, I would be forced to have people know about her.

I remained quiet, holding desperately to the hope that Kel would be fine, and I'd never have to face the reality of losing her _or_ returning home.

I just wasn't ready to face it, but if it came to it—I just needed time to process it.

Alice was never close to being convinced, so after the first several times, I stopped worrying whether she believed me or not.

**...**

I seriously considered skipping biology. Edward's up and down behaviour was just the thing that could push me over the edge. But when I took my chair beside him, he quite openly stared at me, and continued to until I turned to him in exasperation.

"What are you staring at, Edward?" I demanded, feeling my face burn.

He was flustered for a moment, before he replied, his smooth voice soft, "You … you don't look very well, Bella. Are you all right?"

I closed my eyes feeling myself physically waver before I snapped them open, instantly annoyed at myself. "I was sick yesterday, I'm fine now," I replied flatly, looking away from him quickly. I didn't want to look at him and succumb to that bloody weakness he evoked in me.

I heard him exhale softly through his nose, and knew he was bloody smiling at me. It irritated me—and more so because a large part of me wasn't. If that even made sense.

But then Edward and I didn't make sense.

"You don't look fine, Bella." His tone was tender—amused.

Nothing about this was amusing!

I turned to him squarely. "Why are you even talking to me, Edward? I thought you were pretending I didn't exist again these days."

Again, he paused, his mouth parting slightly, looking jarred. I waited, my eyebrows raised in irritation. I felt like a bloody yo-yo; up, down, up, down, over and over!

"A-Alice told me I should give you a bit of time, Bella. I didn't realise I was being rude. I was just giving you space." Behind the intensity of his gaze, his eyes were serious, and this time it was me that was lost for words.

_That _was the reason why he was acting the way he had been?

Before I could stop them, my eyes welled with tears. I hastily turned my head, facing away from him and impatiently wiped them away.

"What were you giving me space from, Edward?" I asked, after I was certain I was in control of myself.

When there was no answer, I turned my head to peek at him. His cheeks were flushed and he was opening and closing his mouth in procrastination.

And despite myself—despite the horrifying events of the past two days—a small smile twitched at my lips.

His eyes darted to mine. He caught my smile and returned it—tenfold—all askew, and charming; and arrogant; and cocky!

And I was suddenly angry, and as it came through my expression, his smile faded.

"Can you please just leave me _the fuck_ alone!" I burst, barely a whisper, barely in control of my emotions, and sounding wholly like my mother.

I whipped my head back to the front of the class, pressing my lips together, and bunching my forehead heavily to stop the tears, but still, Edward kept his gaze on me for the entire lesson. It was becoming tangible, and trying to fight it, on top of what was happening with Kel, was exhausting.

I had to keep my thought process simple. Ignore Edward, don't think of Renee, and try and get through another day.

Of Kel surviving.

I escaped Bio before Edward could catch up to me, and headed to sixth period, grateful for the chill of the wind as it momentarily soothed the ache in my chest. When I reached the gym, I yanked open the double doors and stepped inside.

Coach Clapp took one look at me and sent me to the nurse. I willingly went; it kept me away from Alice's constant scrutiny. I felt terrible that I had to avoid her, but this denial I was in was the only way that I was able to deal with what was happening. If Kel died, I would have to go back to Australia. If I went back to Australia I would have to face Kel dying.

There was no way around it.

Billy gave Mrs Cope permission for me to come home from school early again, and as I pulled into the driveway at home, he was already waiting for me.

I hopped out of the Jeep and smiled at him shamefully.

He sighed, put his hands on his hips, bowing his head for a moment, shaking it. "How much sleep did you get last night, Bella?"

Shrugging sheepishly, I confessed, "A little bit."

"Why didn't you just stay at home again and get some rest," he asked putting his hand on my back and ushering me inside out of the cold.

"I'd rather be at school. It's distracting," I mumbled a reply without meeting his eyes.

He pulled my coat from my shoulders and hung it up. But I barely moved; my attention had caught the sight of the answering machine, flashing with a single message. Billy surveyed my hesitation, before walking over and hitting play, giving me an encouraging smile as he did.

It was Rach.

Again, there was no change with Kel. I sighed deeply out of relief, before a nagging anxiety set in over why she wasn't improving. I knew the longer she didn't improve, the less her chances were of coming out of it. It was going to make it harder for me to convince myself that she was going to be fine, and even harder to continue to pretend _I_ was.

I stood there staring at the machine in quiet consternation, chewing my fingernails, when Billy placed a hand on my shoulder. "Try not to worry so much, Bella. She isn't getting worse. It may take a while before she recovers fully."

I nodded and expelled my breath. He was right; I was thinking ahead of myself.

He _had_ to be right...

I headed for the stairs deciding I definitely had to buy a mobile phone. I needed to be able to reach Rach and Nummi—not to mention Billy. I didn't want him missing any more work on my account anymore. I didn't want to disrupt his life—I didn't want to be any more of an inconvenience.

I trudged up stairs, the ache in my chest swelling and ebbing like a wave.

Hope.

Fear.

Hope.

Fear...

Maybe I was just tired—or relieved that Kel was still hanging on, because as soon as I got to the safety of my room, I collapsed on my bed and cried myself silently to sleep.

**...**

The next day Alice's new plan where I was concerned was to cheer me up. As much as I appreciated it, it was always doomed to fail. All my energy went into my denial, my hope, and keeping myself from crumbling under the panic; I didn't have a spare scrap of emotion for anything else.

Edward too seemed to be everywhere I looked; gazing at me with so much intensity that my whole train of thought vanished the moment our eyes locked together. He made me question what I thought I knew—what I thought I felt. It only made me angry and frustrated with myself, then relieved that in focusing on him, it took my focus off Kel.

I was falling apart.

**...**

"You seem to be happier today," Alice commented during lunch.

I nodded and shrugged. "I'm okay, Alice. Really. I'm just a bit—a bit tired," I stammered, feeling so rotten for continuously lying to her. But, it was only half a lie this time; I still wasn't sleeping.

"Bella, are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" she asked gently.

I sighed. She was so persistent.

I didn't want to have to keep telling her how fine I was; I didn't want to have to keep lying to her, but I wasn't ready yet, and time was running out.

"Bella?" Alice said gently breaking into my thoughts.

I snapped my head up and looked over to her. "Sorry, Alice, what were you saying?"

She smiled at me and sighed softly. "Never mind."

I returned her smile, apologetically. "Sorry, Alice I..." I left the sentence unspoken.

What could I say? That despite all my efforts to convince myself otherwise, I was going near crazy with worry over my closest friend, but the idea of going back to Australia was just as equally debilitating? Not to mention the frustrating fact that her brother had some kind of power over me that I couldn't even begin to fathom.

Tomorrow. I'd tell her about it tomorrow...

Biology was pretty much as it had been the day before; with Edward's distracting gaze constantly on me. He said hello when I sat beside him and removed his sweater not long after. He didn't ask me if I was okay, even though I was sure he wanted to several times. He tried to engage me in conversation, but I wouldn't budge. I continued to ignore him as best as I could, because I knew focusing on him, instead of Kel, only made me feel worse.

At the end of the day Alice walked with me to the parking lot, but she wasn't her usual, cheerful self. She was quiet and distracted, and as much as it made me feel rotten, I had to admit, I preferred it to her constant scrutiny. I was aware of how horribly I was treating her, but I was too ashamed; too ashamed of myself, my past, and my mother.

I ignored the glares Jacob and Edward shared before climbing into the Jeep, telling Jake sternly to follow me.

"Bella, we've decided to go to the movies tomorrow night. Do you still want to come?" Nessie asked, breaking the comfort of the silence I was enjoying into our trip home.

_No._

"Okay, sure, Nessie. I'm sure it'll be... fun." I lied, not bothering to attempt any enthusiasm.

She and Jacob shared a cynical look that I didn't miss from my rear view mirror, but I ignored it. My only thoughts at that moment were filled with my newly formed afternoon routine; get home, check the answering machine to make sure Kel was still alive, lock myself in my room and try and distract myself, try not to think about Edward, or my mother—or my past, let the anger and fear consume me, cry in the shower, throw up, think about confiding in Alice, fall asleep.

There was a message from Rach. She left no real details, just asking me to call her back. I grabbed the phone clumsily and dialled her number with my heart catching in my throat. She answered it after the first ring. The despondency in her tone had increased; I held my breath and waited for her to continue.

"Bells, she's still the same... but..." she paused.

My hand subconsciously ran up to my forehead; I grabbed a fistful of my hair as fear suddenly wrapped itself around my heart and squeezed.

"But what, Rach? Just tell me, please!" I spoke anxiously, on the verge of tears.

Jake was beside me instantly. He put his arm over my shoulder protectively, but I was barely aware of him. I was suddenly feeling very helpless and insignificant, that everything around me seemed so huge and I was drowning.

"Bella, they're saying we should expect the worst," Rach finally spoke with a numbing resignation to her tone.

"Why?" I whispered.

"The tests ... the tests aren't very positive, but her parents are still getting a second opinion. I dunno..." She sighed deeply, miserably, her voice wavering as it trailed off.

I nodded numbly, stupidly, feeling suddenly faint.

"'Kay, thanks, Rach," I mumbled, my voice devoid of emotion.

Hanging the phone up without another word, I turned to walk upstairs.

Jake reached out and caught me in his mammoth grip. "Bells, you okay? What happened?" he asked, his eyes deepening with sudden concern.

"Nothing, Jake. Let me go. I need to lie down," I replied, weakly.

I needed to lie down before I fell down. The room was beginning to spin and my knees felt like they were about to buckle beneath me.

Jake insisted on helping me up to my room. Then he and Nessie fussed over me until I was tired of insisting that I was fine and came close to chucking a hissy fit. I had no more tears to shed, so I just lay on my bed, numb with that dreadful ache shredding my heart to pieces, and never feeling so alone in my entire life.

I went downstairs at 5:30 pm to start dinner, only to discover that Billy was already home and had bought pizza.

"You hungry, Bella?" he asked me, with a warm, empathetic smile.

I wasn't. In fact, the thought of eating made me want to throw up, but I forced myself to join him and Jake, and ate a slice of pizza mechanically. I stayed and chatted for an acceptable amount of time, before retiring back upstairs, but Billy was no more convinced that I was handling it okay, than Alice was.

It was irrelevant though.

I'd had a shower and was drying my hair in my room, when there was a polite knock on my door.

"Come in, Uncle Billy," I called; my voice was flat and emotionless, despite my attempts to make it sound otherwise.

Even though he had asked me to call him just Billy, I was never able to do it. Besides, I enjoyed calling him 'Uncle Billy'. It was comforting that I could associate him as my family—now that I _had_ family.

He came in with a cup of hot chocolate and placed it on my bedside table with an awkward grin.

"Sleep well, Bella," he said gently, planting a kiss on the top of my head before leaving again.

I took the hot chocolate and curled up with it in the old rocking chair by the window as I listened to the steady sound of the rain outside. It wasn't soothing anymore; in fact ironically it was the complete opposite. All the Forks rain now screamed at me that I _wasn't_ in Australia, where I needed to be; that I was far from it.

I sipped my hot chocolate slowly, with tears running down my cheeks soundlessly. Not long after, I was hit by an incredible wave of exhaustion. I crawled under the covers and slept a dreamless sleep until the alarm woke me twelve hours later.

* * *

**A/N: It's not easy writing this sort of thing, to get myself into the mind of Bella and how she thinks. But if it sucks and is unconvincing, I don't mind if you tell me so.**


	9. In the Arms of an Angel

**A/N: Jeez what a corny chapter title...**

* * *

**Chapter 9**

**In the Arms of an Angel**

**Bella's POV**

"Jeez, Bells, I didn't hear a peep out of you last night," Jake said with a grin the next morning at breakfast.

I smiled back at him wryly. "That's because the tooth fairy slipped an antihistamine in my hot chocolate last night."

I was clear-headed for the first time in days, but it made no difference. The ache in my chest still remained. It was becoming heavy, weighing me down, and I was really beginning to worry I wouldn't be able to hold it together for much longer.

Jake's grin broadened, before he added, "You coming tonight with me and Ness?"

"_And _Mike," I reminded him.

"Yeah, him too." He half rolled his eyes.

I shrugged with deliberate indifference. "I 'spose."

"Wow, don't hold back on the enthusiasm, Bells," he teased me before continuing. "You don't have to come. If you ask me, Mike's a douche."

I grinned, wanting to agree with him. I was not very keen on spending any length of time with Mike, as friends or otherwise. There was something about him that was beginning to rub me the wrong way.

"Nah, I said I'd go." Who knew, it could be good for me, but I doubted it. "But I hope Mike realises that it isn't a double date or anything." I shuddered at the prospect. "_Just friends_," I stressed. In truth, I didn't even really want to be that_. _

"I'll make him realise. Don't stress about it, Bells. To be honest, I think I'd rather you be with _the Princess_, than Newton. He's such a pansy," Jake admitted scoffing to himself, before taking a huge spoonful of cereal.

I only stared at him, blinking, and having no idea whether he was serious or not.

_Good bloody grief!_

**...**

My denial began slipping, and I went through school with a genuine anxiety that I hadn't felt before then. Out of nowhere, full panic would suddenly hit me. My heart would begin to race, and I'd struggled to take a full breath, before it felt like my airways had become restricted altogether. Twice I had to run outside, fearing I'd faint.

Alice had witnessed one of these panic attacks first hand and her concern only intensified tenfold.

"Bella, good god! What is going on with you?" she exclaimed almost to the point of exasperation.

"I've been sick, Alice. That's all!" I exclaimed back, as my face flushed angrily.

She faltered, before her expression softened. "Sorry, Bella, I don't mean to hound you. I'm just worried about you."

I sighed deeply, feeling immediately guilt ridden.

Alice was apologising for being more than a friend than I was. I desperately wanted to tell her everything—I needed to tell her. I had to get it out because it was shredding me, but I didn't know how to tell her. I didn't want her knowing about my past, and I didn't want to face the possibility of kel dying.

And I didn't want to go back.

"Don't apologise, Alice. You've been such a great friend. I—I just have a few things on my mind at the moment, that's all," I lied, averting my eyes from hers so she wouldn't see the guilt behind them.

She sighed then broke into a warm smile. I smiled back at her, completely miserable. It would have been easier if she got angry with me, something—anything—so I wouldn't feel so terrible.

As the day slowly passed, I could feel myself coming more and more apart. My refusal to deal with the reality of Kel's accident, coupled with my attempt at maintaining a normal front—no matter how unsuccessfully—was exhausting emotionally. And Alice's concern for me was increasing to the point that I began to feel anxious for her, on top of everything else.

She wasn't her usual self; she was distracted again, but I was too anaesthetised by my own pitiful, self-absorption to properly notice.

"Oh, Bella, I'm not going to be at Gym today. I have a doctor's appointment," she said to me, a little too casually, as we entered the cafeteria.

"Oh, okay," was all I offered in reply.

Alice lined up to buy lunch, but I made my way to our table, not in the mood to eat. I sat down, expelled every molecule of air from my lungs, and dropped my head in my hands, completely inundated and miserable.

When I looked up, I discovered Edward was sitting at the table gazing at me with his forehead knotted in confusion. I felt my face immediately flame and I quickly turned away from him.

"Hi, Bella, everything okay?" he asked warmly, giving me a funny look that continued to be tinged with concern.

I half turned to face him.

"Yeah, fine," I mumbled. I could feel my hammering heart push more heat to my face, and turned back away from him, continuing to feel his gaze on me.

When I'd pulled myself somewhat together, I glanced back over at him. He was gazing off, a faraway look in his eyes, with pain etched across his forehead. I followed his gaze; he was watching Alice intently. I sat in thoughtful contemplation over this for a moment, when Alice herself plonked down next to me and slid a bottle of Coke in front of me.

"I know you said you weren't hungry, Bella. Don't be angry." She flashed me a brazen grin.

I returned her smile slightly and took the coke in my hands.

"Thanks, Alice," I murmured.

She turned to Edward and shoved him playfully. "What are you doing here?"

He smiled to himself before he turned it on her with added affection. Rose and Jazz joined us a moment later, and I noticed a change in Jazz's behaviour around Alice, as well. He wasn't as _'hands on'_ as he usually was. Instead, he was tender with her. He pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head several times. Alice was still largely her usual self and she accepted Jazz's affections without reacting to the change in him; though, she did seem a little preoccupied.

"I see you're still mute today, Bella—not to mention paler than usual," Rose spoke up.

Everyone turned to stare at me, and I felt my cheeks immediately burn.

"You sure you don't need to talk about anything, Bella? We're all here for you," Alice asked me gently.

I exhaled deeply, immediately self-conscious and annoyed. I hated that Alice had brought it to everyone's attention so they could stare at me as though I was nuts. I hated the way Edward gazed at me, his forehead etched with pity.

I _hated_ that this was happening at all.

Angry, miserable, frustrated tears welled in my eyes. I turned to Alice and before I knew what I was saying, the words were already out of my mouth. "Bloody hell, Alice! Stop hassling me all the time, would you! Don't you think I would have told you already if I wanted to? I wish you'd shove your pity _and _your charity down someone else's throat for once!" I was cruel, completely irrational, and I regretted it immediately.

The shocked and hurt expression on Alice's face quickly gave way to anger. She got up out of her chair in one defiant movement, then turned to me as she shoved her chair back in place. "Fine, Bella. Maybe I will!"

I almost didn't recognise her voice in the tone she'd used. It was so unlike her, but not surprisingly, it was me that brought it out in her.

Me, that brought the worst out in everyone.

I opened my mouth to plead with her that I was sorry, but she had already stalked away with Jazz in pursuit—once he'd thrown me a furious glare, that is.

I was so full of shame that for a moment I couldn't bring myself to meet Edward's, no doubt angry, gaze, but when I eventually looked up, telling myself I deserved the anger he'd be directing at me, all I seen was an empty chair. Rose had left too.

I was sitting at the table alone.

A horrible wave of emotion washed over me, and before I could take a breath, I was in the grip of panic. My chest went so tight that I found myself suddenly gasping for air. With tears blinding my vision, I leaped out of the chair and ran out of the cafeteria, feeling the mother of all anxiety about to hit me.

I headed to the parking lot; I had to get out of there. I could feel myself coming apart and I wouldn't bring anyone else down with me. I stopped for a moment trying to catch my breath, when without warning, I was grabbed by the hand and spun around until I was facing a very irate looking Edward.

I inhaled sharply in surprise.

"What the hell is the matter with you, Bella?" he demanded, his tone was hard and unforgiving.

I only stared at him, struggling to breathe past the panic that was beginning to choke me.

"Why would you treat Alice like that after everything she's done for you?" he demanded without waiting for me to answer, but the anger in his voice was already fading.

I shook my head, trying to get myself under control, but I was failing miserably.

"I—I'm sorry," was all I could utter, my breaths coming out in anguished rasps as tears began spilling freely down my cheeks.

Edward just stared at me, his forehead creasing deeper the longer his gaze lingered on my face. I watched the anger melt completely from his expression, and though the intensity continued behind his eyes, they were infused only with concern.

"Bell …" he began, but didn't finish. His voice was soft and becoming confused.

He continued to stare at me intently—and I couldn't stand it.

I broke my gaze away from his hastily and looked away. I felt naked and vulnerable, as if he was looking directly into my soul, and really seeing me.

It was then that I realised Edward was still gripping my wrist. Tugging it slightly in resistance, he released me, before I ran from him to my car without looking back, my wrist burning as the icy wind instantly cooled the warmth his hand had left behind.

I drove home, half sobbing half trying to breathe past the overwhelming grief that was suddenly crushing down on me with every thud of my heart. I was going to lose my best friend, the closest person in the world to me; the one person who had kept me alive. I had to accept it, but I knew if Kel died, I would _never _recover.

When I got home, I called Billy to let him know what happened. I almost expected him to start screeching down the phone at me, for being a pain in the arse, good for nothing inconvenience. After all, that's what I was—that's what I was always told I was. But Billy was understanding, his rough voice full of compassion. So much so that I had to hang up the phone before I broke down again.

I tried to keep myself occupied, afraid that if I stopped for even a moment and let my mind wander to Kel, the anguish would be the end of me. I scrubbed the kitchen floor on my hands and knees until they were raw, before starting on the bathroom. It didn't stop the ache from raging in my heart regardless, but still, I didn't stop.

I knew I couldn't keep going on the way I was—in this denial—as I hoped and prayed that everything would right itself, and I wouldn't have to face reality. If I did, I'd lose the one friend who I valued more than any other since moving to Forks.

Alice.

I raced out of the house, not knowing whether I closed or even locked the door, and not caring. I was driving to Alice's before I realised where I was going.

I parked my car at the beginning of the Cullens' drive way; I felt uneasy about parking right out in front. Although, I'd driven Alice home a couple of times, I'd never been in the house. It's not that she hadn't invited me in; she had, but I'd always declined, not wanting to run into Edward. Edward, however, was the last person on my mind this time.

I hopped out of the Jeep and pulled my jacket tighter around my torso, hugging it to me as I began walking down the twisting gravel road to the house. For a moment, I was worried I'd gotten lost and I wasn't at the Cullens at all. Alice had always insisted I drop her off at the beginning of the driveway, so none of what I was seeing was familiar.

After a few minutes, I realised the driveway was a lot longer than I'd anticipated, and of course, as my absolute bloody luck would have it, the constant soft drizzling of rain we'd had up until that point, suddenly turned into a heavy downpour. I still couldn't see any sign of the house, so I decided to just run for it.

By the time I made it to the front door of the white Georgian house, I was a miserable, drenched, mud splattered, gasping and trembling mess. Every emotion I'd been trying so desperately to deny over the last week since hearing about Kel was pressing down on me at that moment with a crushing force.

I stood at the door trying desperately to pull myself together before I knocked; to breathe evenly; calm my violently beating heart, and stop the tears that were on a free-fall trajectory down my face. All without any success.

Then, without warning, Edward walked out of the front door and ran straight into me. His arms automatically flew out to steady me, before he even realised who it was he had collided with.

When he looked down, his eyes widened in surprise. "Bella, Jesus! Are you okay? What happened?" he exclaimed, his tone full of alarm.

"Is Alice home?" I asked and that was as far as I got before I exploded into a torrent of sobbing.

I felt his arm encircle around my waist, pulling me close against him before he practically carried me inside. I was so exhausted from running down the driveway that my legs were like lead weights. I clung to him, desperately trying to stop myself from drowning under the grief that felt like it was swallowing me whole.

He sat me down on a sofa in the front room of the house, helped me out of my soaking jacket gently, before disappearing out of the room. He returned a moment later with a blanket that he draped gently around my shoulders, before he knelt down in front of me, gazing at me, his forehead knotted, his eyes blazing with concern.

I just sat violently shaking and inhaling sharply as tears continued to strangle from me.

"Bella, calm down and tell me what happened?" he asked, his tone becoming more and more anxious.

I opened my mouth to speak, but all that came out was a mess of incoherent mumbling and stuttering. It was hopeless. I buried my head in my hands and sobbed pitifully.

It had all caught up with me.

Still kneeling on the floor in front of me, Edward pulled me against his chest and gently folded his arms around me. There was something so universally safe about being in Edward's embrace that I let myself go limp against him, completely letting go of my breath, before tentatively, I wrapped my arms around his back.

"What is going on with you, Bella?" I heard him whisper, his hot breath washing over the numb, cold skin at the side of my neck.

I closed my eyes for a moment, allowing myself to calm, before, taking huge lungfuls of air, I reluctantly pulled myself from his arms. He released me and hesitantly reached out to wipe a wet tendril of my hair away from my face, tucking it gently behind my ear.

Looking up, I caught his gaze; he smiled at me gently, before reaching over and grabbing a box of tissues that was beside the sofa. He held the box out to me, and I pulled a tissue from it, attempting to smile back at him, as I awkwardly dried my eyes.

Getting himself to his feet, Edward sat next to me on the sofa, his body angled so he was facing me. He took my hand tentatively.

"I'm okay now," I mumbled, my voice hoarse, before exhaling into a wavering sigh.

"Bella, the last thing you are is okay," he replied gently, a hint of a smile on his lips, before his expression turned completely serious. "Tell me what happened?"

Could I tell him? Could I confide it all to him? Could I tell him about Renee?!

There was no way!

"I-I just need to speak to Alice," I replied softly, my voice catching.

"Alice isn't back yet," Edward answered, still gazing at me intently.

I rubbed my forehead, trying in vain to prevent my face from crumbling again; I still felt terrible over Alice. "I'm so sorry, Edward. What I said to her …" my voice broke and I paused, inhaling back fresh tears. "I didn't mean it."

He nodded in understanding, and replied softly, "She knows, Bella."

I took a deep breath, staring down at the tissue I had clamped in my hand.

I could tell him about Kel...

I pictured her smiling face in my mind. I almost smiled with her, only a split second before I was again reminded of the brutal reality of what was happening. My heart clenched, and I squeezed shut my eyes tightly for a moment, demanding I hold myself together.

When I looked over at Edward again a moment later, he smiled, in encouragement; I tentatively opened my mouth to speak.

"My best friend in Australia, kel—she means the world to me—she-she was in a car accident." My voice was barely an audible whisper and singed with disbelief even as I spoke it. I rubbed my brow, sighing miserably, before I continued, "They don't think she's going to make it."

It was the first time I'd ever said it aloud, and the pain of hearing it spoken in my own voice was searing. I covered my face with my hands and once again burst into resigned, heartbroken tears.

Edward slipped his arm around my shoulder, and immediately pulled me against him.

"Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you say anything?" he asked softly, his tone fused with confusion.

I shook my head, trying in vain to put an end to my tears. "I didn't ... I didn't want to believe it," I admitted.

His arms tightened around me, his chin resting on top of my head, and I closed my eyes as the pain of my tears slowly subsided. His arms were warm, very warm—almost toasty, and incredibly comforting. And right at the moment, he was all that was stopping me from sliding into the abyss that I was teetering on the edge of. I grabbed his t-shirt in my fists, and held on to him tighter.

My tears eventually stopped, but I continued clinging to him—to the point that it was becoming awkward. I pulled myself hastily against him, noticing what I'd done to his t-shirt, and unable to meet his gaze.

"I-I slobbered all over your shirt," I mumbled.

I heard his breath shoot through his nose in amusement. "It's okay. I have others."

I met his gaze sheepishly, smiling awkwardly back at him, before he handed me another tissue.

"Bella … why would you keep such a thing to yourself?" he asked me gently, after a moment.

I shrugged numbly. "I was afraid to even think it, let alone … talk about it."

He nodded with some understanding, his eyes remaining warm and sympathetic. "I'm really sorry," he repeated whole-hearted.

I only nodded.

"Are you going back to Australia to see her?" Edward asked me gently after another pause.

I felt myself go tense, my heart picking up in speed. I took an unsteady breath, which merged into a huff in sudden irritation. This was what I'd been dreading all along.

"Probably," I answered, stiffly.

Edward only gazed at me in confusion again.

I shook my head with rising frustration. "It-it's ... complicated," I elaborated.

It was clear he didn't understand; his expression only piqued further, before he eventually nodded. "Okay."

"I-I can't talk about it," I insisted. "I wanted him to understand—without mentioning my mother, but it was clear he didn't.

"Bella ... I believe you," he replied lightly, his lips twitching.

I rubbed my forehead, pushing my fingers heavily into my ridged brow. "It's hard to explain, Edward, but ... but," my voice began to quiver and I paused in a better attempt to word it better. I had nothing, so I went with honesty, "I don't want to go back."

Of course it left more questions than it did answers, but I continued to gaze deep into his eyes, pleading with him to understand.

And then he went and asked the million dollar question.

"What happened to you in Australia, Bella?" His eyes were intense again, but his brow was creasing.

I stared down again at the tissue in my hands, letting my shoulders slump, defeated. Then, taking a resigned breath, I told him the one thing I swore I never would, "My mother ... d-didn't want me."

There was silence. I looked up slowly, reluctantly meeting his gaze, wanting to shy away from the seriousness behind his eyes. It was clear he wanted to ask more questions, but he didn't; instead, he reached up and ran the back of his hand across my cheek so delicately that his warm fingers barely grazed my skin. It surprised me, and for the first time I became aware of the close proximity I was to him.

My heart began thudding, heavily, making me conscious of it. I was noticing things about him I'd missed before; the flecks of gold in his eyes, his long curling lashes, and the stubble that aligned his jaw—his jaw that he was clenching and unclenching as his gaze lingered on me.

"Bella ... I find it really unfathomable that anyone could not want you," he admitted, his voice gentle and turning husky.

This immediately made me cynical, and despite myself—despite the fact that he was so close to me I could feel the warmth of his breath on my face—I scoffed, softly, looking away, my face flaming in response, regardless. "That is so cheesy, Edward."

There was a pause, before he broke into a breathy sounding laugh.

I turned back to him; his mouth twitched slightly in amusement, before his expression went serious. Then, almost hesitantly, he inclined his head towards mine.

Was he going to kiss me? Did I even want him to?

Bloody hell!

I continued to be flooded with this uncertainty, when his face got within an inch of mine and then paused.

"Are you okay?" he asked me.

He was so close he was out of focus, and I was beginning to sway. "Yes—no. I mean—shut up!" And lose my faculties.

His grin broadened, full of amusement, and I only blinked as his lips closed slowly over mine.

Why is it when your mouth is occupied you immediately need to breathe through it?

Probably because I had no bloody idea what I was doing!

He pulled away fractionally, and I expelled my breath, before again his mouth, firm, soft, and slightly open, pressed against mine.

I was tense, I felt awkward and stupid—and my eyes were open. I shut them quickly, not wanting to think about the tingling going on in my fingers and toes; not to mention the beginnings of gentle pulling in the pit of my stomach.

This is when we were interrupted by the abrupt sound of a throat clearing. I immediately pulled from Edward's arms, and when I looked up, my heart hammering frenetically, and my face no doubt on fire, Emmett and Rose were standing in the room before us, smirking.

"I hate to interrupt, Edna, but is Elfling and Dr Doolittle home yet?" Emmett asked, the obvious enjoyment he was getting over walking in on us plastered brazenly across his face.

Edward had his head half bent, his hand resting on the back of his neck as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"No, they're not back yet," he answered awkwardly, not meeting Emmett's gaze while a surge of blood travelled up his neck to the tips of his ears.

I smiled to myself.

Emmett nodded, his grin turning devious, before he turned his attention to me. "Is that your Jeep at the beginning of the driveway, Bella?"

"Um ... yeah," I mumbled and nodded simultaneously.

He cocked an eyebrow. "Right..." he drawled teasingly.

"How are you, Bella?" Rose spoke up. "You look a mess."

"Yeah..." was my moronic reply. This was typical Rose, so I took no offence to it.

"Okay, well we'll leave you two to get back to it then," Emmett said, winking at us slyly, before pulling Rose with him out of the room.

Edward sighed to himself, running his hand back through his hair again, before he turned to face me. I hadn't realised, but I'd scooted to the other side of the sofa away from him. Our eyes met and he broke into a grin, before he motioned with his index finger for me to sit closer to him. I slid back towards him, my heart beginning to pick up in speed again.

He took my hand in his, before getting up from the sofa, pulling me with him.

"Come on," was all he said as he led me out of the room, keeping a firm grip on my hand.

We walked into the kitchen where Edward released me to open the refrigerator. He pulled out two cans of coke and handed me one, smiling warmly. I grinned back at him, being able to properly smile for the first time in days. I suddenly felt incredibly unburdened.

"We can wait for Alice in the back room, if you like? It's quieter in there, no chance of Emmett walking—" he stopped abruptly, suddenly unsure of himself.

I only continued to smile at him, almost breaking into a full grin.

His replying smile was self-conscious. "Is that okay?"

I nodded. "It's fine. I don't think you'll bite me, Edward."

When he smiled again, a little of his charm crept back into it. "I wouldn't believe everything you've heard about me, Bella."

It was a double meaning. I looked over to him; he was gazing at me intently again.

"I don't believe everything I hear, Edward. _Do you?" _I raised my eyebrows in emphasis.

He blinked looking taken aback this time, before clearing his throat. "Not usually," he answered, his tone soft.

He took my hand again and led me into the sitting room off the kitchen. It housed two sofas and a coffee table, among several potted plants. Aligned along the walls were various framed pictures of Emmett, Alice and Edward from infancy to present. Breaking into a curious, amused grin, I went over to study them closer; taking a particular liking to the two twin cherubs lying on a blanket together without a stitch of clothing on.

I heard Edward groan from behind me, and I turned back to him almost chuckling. "You and Alice were so cute."

He exhaled an embarrassed sort of breath. "Okay, but you do realise that you now owe me a baby photo of you."

I felt a frown immediately pucker my expression, and I faltered, not wanting to admit that there were no baby photos of me. "Sure," I mumbled, breaking eye contact with him and staring at the floor—and all but giving it away.

When I looked back over to him, his eyes were burning, and confusion was again etching his brow. I smiled at him awkwardly and half shrugged, unsure on what it was I was expressing to him.

Taking a deliberate breath, he sat down on one of the sofas, motioning for me again to sit next to him. He flashed me such a warm, charming smile that for a moment my heart jarred almost literally behind my rib cage, while all memories of my childhood instantly faded.

I sat next to him, gripping my can of coke and looking down awkwardly.

With his fist closed, he donged my knee playfully. "Hey?"

I looked up at him.

"I really hope she makes it, Bella," he said seriously.

I smiled at him sadly, but didn't allow my thoughts to linger on it. "So do I."

"I ... I know what it's like to lose someone you love," he admitted quietly.

I looked over at him just in time to see a flicker of pain cross his face. "Who—?" I began, but immediately broke my question off.

"My father," Edward answered softly, pausing for a moment, making it evident that it was difficult for him to talk about. "He died when Alice and I were ten."

The pain was so evidently etched into his features that for a moment I had the sudden urge to smooth the creases from his forehead with my fingertips.

"Oh ... I'm so sorry, Edward," I whispered, rubbing my own brow instead. I sighed deeply, beginning to feel so terrible over the way I'd treated Alice that I felt sick over it. Alice had lost her father, she'd gotten terribly ill and all she had done over the last three days was think of me.

"I'm okay now, I guess, but it never really goes away," he mumbled with a hopeless shrug of his shoulders.

I smiled at him warmly. "Thanks, Edward, for … listening to me," I broke off and bowed my head, feeling suddenly self-conscious. "I must have seemed like a nut case when you first saw me, huh?"

He broke into a soft, tender laugh. "Not _quite_ a nut case," he teased me.

"Do I really look like a mess?" I asked, before feeling absolutely mortified that I'd actually asked Edward that question the moment it had left my lips.

His grin only broadened.

"Maybe you shouldn't answer that," I mumbled.

He leaned in closer to me, his lips almost brushing against my ear lobe, before he spoke huskily, "You're not a mess, Bella. What you are is incredibly adorable."

I was immediately lost for words—that was my first reaction, my second was one of pure cynicism. With my beet red face, paling with an emerging smirk, I practically scoffed. "You are so sappy, Edward." I teased him; though, I was unable to rid my expression fully of that _first reaction_.

His mouth fell slightly open, before it faltered, his expression furrowing. It was him that seemed lost for words this time, before he released it, along with his breath, and broke into an eventual smile. "Bella ... if I kiss you, will you turn to stone again?"

For the second time I was speechless, my heart sluggish again, making me feel giddy, but Edward didn't allow me to answer. In the next moment, his lips were pressed tenderly against mine, his body so close I could feel the heat emanating from him.

This is when a second clearing of a throat interrupted us.

I pulled away from him, my head spinning, my senses sluggish, and found myself staring up at Alice, who was staring back, a broad, all too knowing grin on her lips.

Beside me, Edward dropped his head into his hands, groaning softly to himself as Alice continued to smirk at him with full amusement dancing in her eyes, before she turned her attention to me.

"I thought that was your car in the driveway, Bella. What's it doing so far away?" she teased me.

But I'd barely heard a word of what she'd said. As soon as she'd opened her mouth, I realised suddenly my purpose for being there. Getting up from the sofa, I threw my arms around her.

"I'm so sorry, Alice," I blurted out, choking back fresh tears before apologising to her repeatedly and tightening my arms around her.

"Bella—what is it?" she asked as her tone increased with concern. When I looked at her she was staring at Edward, flashing him a bewildered look.

Without another word, Alice took me upstairs to her room, a gentle consoling arm wrapped around my shoulder. As soon as she closed the door behind us, I told her about Kel—careful not to give too much away about Renee, but telling her more than I'd confessed to Edward—and my fear of returning to Australia.

It was still so wretchedly difficult to talk of Kel possibly dying, and as I did, the swell of emotion behind my chest burst open. It was a purge, in a sense, and it did make me feel a little better; a little unburdened.

"God, Bella," she whispered, "I'm so sorry."

I only nodded, attempting, futilely, to dry my eyes as fresh tears continued to fall.

She tightened her arms around me, consoling me until every last tear that I shed dried.

"Promise me, Bella, that you will come to me next time, instead of bottling it all up inside again?" she said, breaking the silence with only semi-teasing sternness.

I sighed deeply, nodding, conceding.

"I'm sorry, Alice. I can't believe how terribly I treated you," I admitted earnestly, still so plagued with guilt.

"It's okay, Bella. I knew something was seriously up with you, but I've been a bit edgy today as well," she confessed, scratching her forehead in a distracted way.

I gazed at her intently. "Are you okay Alice? Y—you had a doctor's appointment?" I asked, feeling a ripple of panic at the very idea that Alice might be very sick.

She nodded staring off distractedly again, frowning. "Yeah, I have to every few months."

I only stared at her. I was holding my breath with my heart lodged in my throat.

She snapped her head back to me and smiled a little self-consciously. "I guess you've heard that I had Leukaemia?"

I nodded, feeling myself relax a little as she described it in the past tense. "Nessie said something about it…." I replied hesitantly.

She shrugged as if to say it was no big deal, but the look in her eyes immediately contradicted her. "It was two and a half years ago. I had Acute _Lymphoblastic Leukaemia_," she explained, pulling a face as she deliberately sounded it out. "I've been in remission for eighteen months, but I have to get an MRI scan and bloods done every few months to make sure it hasn't come back."

I suddenly recalled Edward and Jazz's behaviour around her during lunch that day. It made perfect sense, and I cringed further when I thought of what I'd said to her.

"Bloody hell!" I sighed. "I'm so sorry, Alice."

"No more apologising, okay, Bella? It's fine," she insisted warmly, breaking into one of her optimistic smiles.

I ran my hand through my hair subconsciously; it became tangled in it. "When do you get the test results back?" I asked her.

She shrugged again. "In a couple of days."

"Of all the days to chuck a mental at you, Alice," I whispered, releasing my breath with the urge to pound my closed fist into my forehead.

Her smile, although sympathetic, was hedged with amusement. "You had good reason to _chuck a mental_, Bella. I understand. I told you, I knew there was something going on. I knew the first day you came back."

I took another measured breath. "Do you … think I should go home?" I asked, my heart immediately stalling as I contemplated the very idea of it.

"No! You're not ready, Bella," she replied vehemently.

"I don't want to think about her dying. I can't …" I whispered.

"Oh, Bella, just know that I'll be here for you, and so will Edward." At the mention of her brother's name, her expression immediately turned sly.

And as she gazed at me, a canny smirk grew slowly across her face as if she suddenly recalled what she'd walked in on downstairs. My face burned brazenly in response, and I broke into a small abashed smile, feeling completely exposed.

"So … what's going on? I walk in the room and I discover you making out with my brother," she teased me.

"We weren't making out! We just had a … moment," I confessed, biting my lower lip to prevent my smile from all but contradicting me.

"Uh-huh." Alice grinned knowingly.

"Alice, stop it," I mumbled, feeling my face burn hotter.

"Well? I'm waiting," she said to me, raising her eyebrows expectantly, the amusement still prominent in her expression.

"What ... are you waiting for?" I asked blankly.

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "For details, you dope. Spill it!"

I took a deep breath before composing myself to continue. Then, with a sheepish grin and a ferocious blush, I told Alice everything that had happened with Edward up until her walking in on us. My hands trembled as I relayed it, my body coursing with a sudden concentration of energy.

She laughed whole-heartedly when she discovered that she was the second person to interrupt our _moment_. "Poor Edward, Emmett will never let him live this down."

My smile only turned awkward.

"Edward is my brother, so it was a total cringe-fest for me, but otherwise I'd say that it was the sweetest thing I've ever heard," Alice concluded, once her laughter had died down, and before her expression turned slightly more serious, her smile secretive. "You do realise, Bella, that Edward has it pretty bad for you, don't you?"

"Well ... the whole pen thing was a bit of a giveaway," I replied, my voice too soft, feeling the heat assault my face again to the point that I was forced to look down.

"Aww, Bella. You've gone all gooey eyed," she teased me chuckling before her expression turned almost sceptical. "Let's just hope he can get through another day without screwing up."

**...**

It was close to five when I headed out to go home. I was reluctant, especially with the knowledge that I'd agreed to go to the movies tonight with Ness and Jacob. I had this nagging feeling that Nessie was trying to set me up with her brother, and I really wasn't in the mood to fight off Mike's lecherous affections.

"Come on, silly, I'll walk you to your car—that's sitting five miles away," Alice joked, linking her arm through mine as we made our way back down the stairs.

I chuckled softly, realising how much lighter my heart felt after opening myself up to her and Edward—even if it was just a little bit. It didn't lesson the panic I had for Kel, but it helped me focus my energy on what was happening with better perspective. I knew now that I didn't have to suffer alone with it, that I had friends willing to share the load with me—good friends.

Edward was very conveniently hanging out in the front living room as we walked past in the direction of the front door.

"Edward!" Alice called to him. "Come and walk Bella and I to her car. It's so far away we might get attacked by wolves."

Edward smirked to himself, immediately coming to join us.

We had not walked ten metres beyond the front porch when Emmett appeared, calling to Alice that Jazz was on the phone.

She looked over to me guiltily, but I smiled at her warmly. "It's okay, Alice. You go. I'll see you at school tomorrow."

She threw me a sly grin and we hugged quickly, before she turned to flash Edward a teasing smirk. "You be a gentleman, now."

* * *

**A/N: First kisses are always awkward, aren't they?**


	10. Alligators and Crocodiles

**A/N: a quarter of the way there... Some more puke and cheese puffs before I decided to get sadistic :)**

* * *

**Chapter 10**

**Alligators and Crocodiles**

**Edward's POV**

"You be a gentleman, now," Alice teased me, winking with a sly—annoying—grin before she ran back inside.

I only rolled my eyes at the little rat before I turned to Bella. She looked up at me and smiled, her eyes still reflecting the pain that her expression was masking.

I smiled back at her warmly. I wanted to reach out and take her hand in mine; I wanted to put my arm around her shoulders, pull her against me and sink my face into the soft part of her neck just under her earlobe; and I wanted to kiss her properly—without her turning rigid.

My hands were, typically, beginning to shake, so I shoved them into the pockets of my jeans, noticing that Bella was shivering into her long sleeved t-shirt. Her jacket was still in the house soaking wet, I quickly reminded myself.

Despite the near freezing temperatures we were having lately, I still wasn't feeling cold—or rather registering it—but for Bella it was the polar opposite. Taking my jacket off, I wrapped it around her shoulders gently, and carefully gathered her damp hair from beneath it. "Here, Bella. You need this more than me."

She gazed up at me, smiling gratefully and eagerly slipped into it, hugging it to herself. "Th-thanks, Edward. I don't know if I'll ever get used to this c-cold."

I smiled lightly to myself and shoved my hands back in my pockets. I didn't really trust them with Bella so close.

"Bella, why did you park so far away?" I asked her with a light chuckle after we'd walked about twenty yards, with still no sign that her truck was close by.

Not that I minded, or anything.

She smiled to herself self-consciously, before glancing up at me to answer, "I w-wasn't aware that your driveway was so long."

"Well, you could have just driven right up to the house," I suggested, teasing her.

Her smile turned wry, before she mumbled, "I ... thought that'd be rude. I d-dunno ..." She shrugged to herself.

I removed my hand from my pocket and was on the verge of reaching over and grabbing hers, when, like the pussy I was, I second guessed myself and jammed it back into my jeans.

We walked in silence for a few moments—while I tried to psych myself into growing some balls—when she turned to me. "Edward, d-do you know where I can buy a good mobile? They don't r-really have a sh-shop here in Forks?"

I stopped walking and turned to fully face her. "Bella ... are you still cold?" I asked raising my eyebrows in emphasis and ignoring her question; mainly because I had no freaking idea what she'd just asked me.

"N-no I'm ok-kay now," she stammered, before exhaling shortly through her nose as her cheeks burned then quickly paled again.

She _was _cold.

I broke into a bemused grin and took her shivering hands in mine. "Jesus, Bella, you're hands are like ice. Come here." I sighed, secretly happy to have a reason to touch her, before I wrapped my arm around her shoulders, pulling her gently to my side. Her body continued to openly shudder against me—it was actually turning me on. I knew I was a horny bastard in general, but it was pretty fucked up that Bella having hypothermia was giving me a hard on. I began rubbing my palm up and down her arm until eventually her quivering calmed.

"Better?" I asked her, dropping my head to speak softly into her ear.

She nodded, tensing a little. "Yes ... thank you." Her voice was a murmur.

When she wasn't owning my ass, she was making me doubt everything I ever thought about myself by going tense the moment I got close to her, or by openly laughing at me.

You throw a girl a pretty fucking clichéd compliment, she blushes, mumbles, and falls at your feet long enough to kiss her and grab her tits. I try that on Bella and she immediately gives me that skeptical eyebrow shit and scoffs at me, then I kiss her and she immediately turns to ice.

What the fuck was I supposed to do with that?

I continued to rub her arm as we walked; it was a good distraction from the fact that she made me feel so fucking insignificant. With her so close to me, my self-control was about to go over a cliff, and right then, with her cold little body pressing against mine, I was on the verge of doing something impulsive and perverted—and no doubt have her turn cynical on me and shove me away.

"How is it possible that you're not cold?" Bella asked me in amazement a moment later, tilting her head to look up at me with knotted brows.

I smiled down at her, and answered lightly, "I have extra, _extra_ hot blood."

_Only when I'm around you_, I added beneath my breath.

"You must have," she said, shaking her head slightly just as her whole body trembled.

I squeezed my arm tighter around her as she curved hers apprehensively around my waist. I tensed; I was too conscious of the reaction I was having to her. I had to freaking get a grip on myself, but then she grabbed a fistful of my shirt in her palm and I felt her fingers graze over my bare skin.

I knew I needed to relax, but I knew the minute I did the freaking brick in my pants would become noticeable.

"What was it you asked me about a moment ago, Bella?" I asked in a stiff voice, clearing my throat.

"Oh, yeah. I need a mobile so I can keep in touch with my ... friends easier. Do you know where a good shop is?" she asked, without looking up at me and I was sure I noticed a flicker of pain sweep across her face.

I decided not to press her on it and focus on the question at hand. Only I still had no freaking idea what she'd just asked me.

"Erm ... _what_ is it you need, Bella?" I asked her again, trying to remain tactful behind my confusion.

"A _mo-bile_," she answered slowly.

She expected me to know what she meant, but I honest to God had no idea. "Bella ..." I began delicately, trying to hide my amusement from her this time, "I'm not sure what a _mobile_ is."

She took a brash breath. "You've never heard of a mobile phone? What name do you guys call them?" There was a trace of impatience in her tone.

I broke into a grin, fighting the urge to laugh, when I was suddenly hit with recognition. "Do you mean a _cell phone_?"

She sighed again, sounding slightly exasperated. "Cell phone ... of course," she said softly to herself, before glancing up at me again. "Yeah, I need to get one—with the time difference and everything." Again I noticed her expression turn dejected for the briefest moment; it was obvious she was still struggling with her emotions.

I wasn't prepared for the effects that seeing Bella in so much pain would have on me. It made me feel anxious and uneasy—more than I was able to properly comprehend. I cleared my throat softly, forcing back this edginess and rubbed her arm again, soothingly. "There's a few good places to buy them in Port Angeles. I can take you there, i-if you like." In a perfect world I would have been able to speak that one sentence without sounding like such a pansy.

"Sure," she said simply, the tone of her voice brighter. She didn't look up at me, but I caught the small smile inch on her lips and her face warm with it.

A part of me wanted to sigh with relief that maybe she'd finally forgiven me over what I'd said to Jacob, but I knew with Bella, that no matter how confident I felt, she could cut me back down in an instant.

We walked on again in silence. Bella appeared lost in thought, and I watched as her eyes became deeper and deeper in the moonlight. I squeezed her shoulder; she looked up and smiled at me sadly, her eyes glistening.

"I wish I could tell you it's going to be all right, Bella ..." I said softly.

She nodded, releasing her breath. "I know." Her voice was little more than a whisper and it wavered.

If she started crying again, I would fucking crack. I quickly thought of something to say to distract her.

"Hey?" I tapped her shoulder lightly; she looked up at me, her brows rising. "Do you remember your first day in Bio when your pen ran out of ink?" I asked her, grinning to myself as I recalled the memory.

She immediately grinned back. "Yes, when you wouldn't loan me another pen even though you had at least two spare ones that I could see," she answered, throwing me a feigned, teasing scowl.

"Yeah ..." I sort of half laughed, sheepishly

She chuckled softly. "I didn't think you noticed. Weren't you pretending I didn't exist?" she continued to tease me, leaning further in to nudge me in emphasis.

I laughed with her. "I couldn't help _but_ notice—anyway, you stopped shaking the pen for a moment and kind of smiled to yourself."

She nodded in recollection, her eyes widening in surprise. "You remember that?"

"I remember that. What were you thinking about?"

She gazed up and quirked a knowing eyebrow at me. "For someone pretending I was invisible, you were very perceptive."

I smiled fractionally to myself—at how she absolutely owned me—before I leaned down to her and murmured into her ear, "I was only pretending, Bella."

Her face flushed, and even in the dimness of the moonlight it was still visible. It was like a game of Ping-Pong with us. The advantage went back and forth constantly and continuously, and just when I thought I'd cracked her, she'd swipe it back from me and then some.

"You were pretty convincing," she mumbled, with a cynical smile edging on her lips, before she added, lightly and completely straight faced, "I was thinking about stabbing you with it."

"What?" I asked almost blankly, before breaking into laughter.

She bit down on her lower lip, continuing to smile secretly to herself. "Well, you wanted to know ..."

"I guess I deserved it," I said, my chuckling dying down.

"Maybe just a little bit," she replied, smiling to herself this time.

As we walked around the next bend, her jeep came into view. I sighed inwardly to myself. I would've gladly walked her all the way back to her uncle's house at the moment.

I released my arm from around her, and she pulled her keys from her jeans pocket, before looking up at me with uncertainty creeping back into her eyes.

"I hope Billy isn't too upset with me. I didn't let him or Jake know where I was going," she confessed, her eyebrows coming together with worry.

"I-I called your uncle's place for you, Bella, when you were in Alice's room. I figured they might not know ..." I admitted, feeling self-conscious all of a sudden.

Was that over stepping?

She turned to me, her expression grateful, smiling at me gently. "Oh, Edward, thank you. Did ..." she paused, her expression going slightly tense," you speak to Jacob?"

"Um, yeah ... I did," I replied with a small smile.

She wrinkled her nose. "Bad?"

"Nothing surprising; he told me if I tried anything he'd rearrange my face." I muffled another laugh—not very successfully.

Bella groaned, before she broke into a small rueful looking smile, shaking her head.

"I might have to have a talk with Jacob about that whole crap in the past," I said sighing with resignation; more or less to myself.

It was getting out of hand with Jacob, and I really did need to step up and end the shit between us.

Looking up at me, Bella broke into a huge, fucked up beautiful smile. Then very tentatively, she reached over, grabbed my hand, pulling me closer to her, before wrapping her arms gently around my neck.

_Oh, fuck!_

The minute her body was pressed against mine, my body heat sky rocketed, not to mention the fact that I was suddenly straining further behind my jeans. Too overwhelmed by her to care, I wrapped my arms around her tightly, pressing her further to me before bending down to bury my head into her neck. Without entirely realizing what I was doing, I inhaled her sweet scent, grazing her skin with my lips.

Was it creepy that I had tried out every one of Alice's body sprays to find the one that Bella wore? Yeah, I had this fucking pansy-ass idea of spraying it on my pillow.

I never did find it.

Curling her arms tighter around my neck, she exhaled deeply, her warm breath flooding me, and feeling almost cool in comparison to how hot my skin was. "Thanks for everything today, Edward," she whispered.

"My pleasure, Bella," I replied with a husky sounding voice—always too completely compromised by her.

She held on to me for several moments longer, sighing deeply a few times as her breath against my burning skin ignited every nerve ending in my body. I felt like a fucking live wire about to burst—and she wasn't tensing; she was completely fluid against me. I moved my head, my cheek running along and down hers as I searched for her lips. She looked up in response, and completely intercepting me, she pressed her lips to my neck just beneath my ear. It wasn't exactly what I wanted, but still, it almost brought me freaking undone.

In the next moment, she pulled herself from me, and I released her reluctantly, with sluggish arms, her hand slipping through mine slowly as we pulled apart.

Stepping back, she almost stumbled. I immediately reached out, grabbing her shoulders, and as a result I almost pulled her out of my jacket she was still wearing.

She laughed lightly as I righted her again. "Do you want your jacket back?"

I shook my head. "Keep it and give it to me tomorrow."

"Sure?" She snuggled further into it, bringing the sleeve to her nose. "Won't you be cold?" Her gaze began to hedge with concern.

"I-I'm sure," I answered her, jarred. Did she just smell my jacket?

Flashing me another, warm and tender smile, she turned and jumped in the driver's seat of her car. I walked over and closed the door for her, returning her smile through the glass.

A moment later she wound down the window. "See you tomorrow, Edward."

"See you later, alligator," I replied, immediately groaning under my breath and bowing my head. I wanted to smack myself in the face, but instead I ran my hand rigidly through my hair, not fucking believing what I'd just said.

_Idiot_!

When I looked back up, feeling my ears flaming like the pussy I was, Bella was only surveying me, a small amused smile on her lips. "In a while, crocodile," she said, her voice soft and teasing.

She'd reduced me to a sack of drool once again, and so needing to redeem my pansy ass goodbye, I winked at her. Of course, her response was to quirk that eyebrow at me and smirk to herself, before starting her car's engine and turning to exit down the driveway. I watched her car as it drove around a bend and out of sight, my skin burning beyond control with a huge fucking boner in my shorts, and knowing that again she still completely owned me.

And I had no fucking clue what I was supposed to do with her.

I needed a cold shower, because I was whacking off these days more times than it was healthy.

**...**

As I walked through the front door, Alice was waiting for me, sitting half way up on the stairs. As our eyes met, she flashed me that all knowing grin of hers. "So ... did you _crack_ _on_ to Bella then?"

I smirked back, feeling my eyebrows coming together in confusion as I processed her meaning. "Did I _what_ to Bella? Sell her crack?" I asked her succumbing to complete bewilderment.

Her laugh was whole-hearted. "It's what Bella says. Translation: did you make a move on her?"

I rolled my eyes, exhaling out an affectionate smile for the little rat. "Well, I didn't do that either."

I made my way up the stairs. As I passed Alice, she stood up, and I slung my arm over her shoulders.

"So, all looks good, then?" I asked her referring to her tests that afternoon.

She nodded simply. "Carlisle said the scan was clear, and I'm pretty sure my white blood cell count will come back normal. I feel fine—better than fine." She sounded confident.

Inwardly, I breathed a sigh of relief, though it quickly became audible. Every few months being on tenterhooks waiting to see if Alice was still in remission took its toll on everyone; especially me. I would never be able to breathe easy, though.

"I hope you're not worrying about me, Edward," she scolded me teasingly.

"Why would I worry about a pain in the ass little rat like you?" I replied jokingly.

She shoved me playfully, before her face fell serious. "Poor Bella, I knew there was something seriously wrong—can you believe her mother?"

"Mmm," I replied in thought. I got the impression that Bella had told me not even a fraction of what her life in Australia had been like. Just saying her mother didn't want her was too cryptic.

Alice suddenly slapped my chest with the back of her hand. "Oh, and a word of warning, you might want to avoid Emmett."

I groaned loudly, squeezing my eyes shut for a moment. "Tell him I'm out with Jazz."

Emmett would take a shit load of pleasure over catching me with Bella, and if I knew him well enough, he wouldn't let it go very easily.

"Well, that might be a bit hard; Jazz will be here in a few minutes," Alice replied. The amusement shone in her eyes regardless of how hard she tried to disguise it from her expression.

"Where is he?" I asked, rubbing my forehead with my fingertips.

"In the kitchen with Rose," she answered, breaking out into a light chuckle. "Honestly, Edward, he only gives you shit because you let him."

"Probably. Anyway I'll be down for dinner."

**...**

I had a shower. I jerked off, but it did nothing to relieve the tingling that was going on under my skin. I was still on freaking edge, and starting to be consumed with regret that I didn't kiss Bella again. I'd had the perfect opportunity and she definitely didn't seem like she would have been adverse to the idea, but I was relieved in a way that I hadn't. I was glad to know that I had a scrap of self-control, and I doubted Bella needed me to unleash my lust on her; no matter how frustrated I was.

I sighed and leaned my head on the shower screen, closing my eyes momentarily, unable to get the image of her gorgeous brown eyes from my mind, and the fucked up way she smelled...

I was snapped back to the present moment by Emmett loudly banging on the bathroom door.

"Hey, _Bludge!_ Mom's home and we're eating now," he bellowed, clearly smirking to himself.

I groaned softly, leaning my head back on the shower screen, contemplating skipping dinner. If it was any other night I probably would, but I couldn't. As a mini celebration for Alice's positive test results, Mom bought Chinese food—just as she did every time now. It had become sort of a tradition.

**...**

When I reached the dining room, I almost turned around and walked back out again. Jazz and Rose were there for dinner, and judging from the fucking smirk on Emmett's face when he turned and met my gaze, he had plans for me.

"Hi, sweetheart," mom said as she passed me, stopping to squeeze my waist affectionately. "You look like you're in a good mood."

I smiled awkwardly to myself, looking down only to hear wiseass Emmett snort.

"You're the last to arrive too, Edward," Carlisle said, hopping out of his chair to pull out Esme's for her.

"Edith's a bit tired from bludging the kangaroos." Emmett winked at me.

_Fuck!_

Alice snorted back a laugh then tried to disguise it as a cough. I only sighed quietly to myself, ironically sort of relieved. I definitely preferred Emmett giving me shit over Bella, than all his gay jokes.

"Oh, Honey, can you get the chop sticks?" Mom asked after a moment, bringing out a loud exaggerated groan from Emmett.

"Jeez, I'll go. If bludge does, it'll take him four hours and we'll be eating with our hands."

"What on earth is a_ bludge_?" Mom asked with confusion.

"We still haven't worked it out," Alice replied, fighting the urge to keep a straight face, while asshole Jazz next to her snickered openly.

Mom turned to me with a puzzled, concerned expression. "Are you okay, Edward?"

"I'm fine, Mom," I replied, clearing my throat with aggravation.

Emmett came back a few moments later, chopsticks in hand. He passed them to everyone but when he came to me he deliberately passed me by, a fucking sly gleam in his eye.

I huffed, and went to snatch them out of his hand, but he pulled them back at the last minute. "Oh I'm sorry, Edwina. I didn't think you were eating. Didn't you have koala earlier on?"

"Just give me the freaking chopsticks!" I demanded.

"What's all this about koalas?" Mom asked me raising her eyebrows quizzically.

"It's nothing. Emmett's just being an idiot as usual," I answered with an irritated sigh.

"Okay, I hope you're going to keep it clean, Emmett. We're at the dinner table, remember?" Esme spoke sternly, her gaze remaining on Emmett for several seconds longer.

Emmett snorted, turning to me. "What do they call forth base down under, bludge?"

I exhaled a slow frustrated breath, then covering my forehead with one of my hands, I wolfed down my food with the other. I was eager to finish before Alice filled in freaking Jazz.

**...**

When I was scaling the stairs to go back to my room, Emmett was in the process of saying goodbye to Rose, when she suddenly exclaimed in frustration, "I'm not from Australia—it's not a damn _bludge_!"

I hurried my steps, taking three at a time.

**...**

I was lying on my back with both my hands covering my face, contemplating _bludging_ in the fucking shower again, when Alice knocked on my door.

"What do you want, Alice?" I called to her, running my hands from my face and through my hair, not too eager at having another girlie conversation with her.

She creaked the door open a few inches and peeked in. "Are you asleep, Edward—how did you know it was me?"

I sat up and quirked a dubious eyebrow at her.

She flashed me a wry smile and stepped inside.

"By all means, Alice, come on in."

She sat on the corner of my bed, looking reflective for a moment. "I wanted to talk to you ... about Bella."

I could sense some kind of lecture. I sighed again—it was all I seemed to be freaking doing lately. "What_ about _Bella?"

"Well I wanted to ask you to ... take it easy—"

"What?" I demanded, interjecting. "What is that supposed to mean? What do you think I'm going to do?"

"What I mean is, she's going through a bit and I know you like her. I thought maybe you should give her a bit of space for a while and we could band together to cheer her up." She was attempting to be delicate, though I suspected she knew she wasn't being very successful at it.

"Jesus, Alice!" I complained. "What do you think I am? Some kind of horny fucking wolf that's going to hump her the moment I see her tomorrow?"

"I know what you're saying, Edward ..." she paused and shrugged sheepishly. "It's just that Bella and I have become really good friends, and I guess I'm afraid you're going to do something to screw it up again."

"Wow, thanks for the vote of confidence," I muttered dryly.

"Well, you know what I mean—anyway, Mom washed and dried her jacket. Just thought I'd let you know." She flashed me a quick smile and got up to leave.

"Yeah okay, just remind me in the morning," I replied in attempt to sound half-hearted. Though nothing and no one would cause me to forget Bella's jacket in the morning, but I suspected she was well aware of how fucking pathetic I was when it came to Bella.

She raised her eyebrows at me skeptically, her smile turning to a smirk. "Uh-huh."

I huffed, not really angry at the little rat. "Alice, how many times do I have to throw you out of my room?"

"At least once a week," she replied before skipping out of my room in laughter, easily dodging the pillow I threw at her.

I snorted to myself softly, but let the grin spread across my face. I was grinning constantly like a freak show; I couldn't help it.

**...**

I was the first one up the next day, Alice—I assumed it was Alice—and probably anticipating me, had left Bella's jacket hanging over a stool at the kitchen bench. I picked it up and almost subconsciously brought it to my face, inhaling the trace scent that was left of Bella, intermingled with the smell of detergent and fabric softener.

Tucking it under my arm, I headed out the back door without breakfast, eager to avoid more shit from Emmett. I ended up driving around the block several times, not wanting to look too eager—but more concerned that I'd arrive at school with a fucking hard on. It took several trips before I was confident I was on top of it.

Bella was already at school by the time I arrived, standing beside her truck chatting with Alice, my jacket under her arm. When I exited the car and made my way over to her, she glanced up, meeting my gaze and smiling warmly.

"Hey, Bella." My mutinous voice hitched at just over a whisper.

"H-hi, Edward," she stammered, as a flash of heat deepened her face fleetingly. She looked down at the ground momentarily and when she looked up, she smiled again. Her eyes still shone with what seemed like an endless amount of pain, but there was something else that made her face a little brighter and not so despondent.

"Is there any news?" I asked her gently.

A hollow pained look immediately flickered behind her eyes, before she blinked it back. "Um ... she's still hanging on." Her voice wavered slightly, and I felt myself tense.

I just wanted to wrap my arms around her. I understood the pain she was feeling, but it was so hard to read her, and I didn't want to do anything to fuck it up.

My eyes almost subconsciously met Alice's, who smiled at me in understanding.

Clearing my throat softly, I turned back to Bella. "Here's your coat, Bella," I said extending it to her.

"Thanks—for lending me yours," she stammered shyly, handing me mine, simultaneously.

I took it; it was warm from being in her arms. "You don't have to thank me, Bella. I had to do something last night—your lips were going blue," I teased her.

She only smiled and bit down on her lower lip self-consciously.

I took off my current jacket and put on the one Bella had just returned to me. It was immersed with the scent of her that made me almost sway as I discreetly inhaled it in.

It caught Alice's attention. She arched an eyebrow derisively as the little rat fought off a sly smile.

"It—it's my favorite," I mumbled, turning away to open my trunk. I tossed my discarded jacket inside then turned back when I was confident that Bella and I didn't have matching freaking his and hers blushes.

"Is it?" Alice questioned, her eyebrow arching even further.

I threw her a subtle scowl, before sighing to myself and turning back to Bella; she was watching Alice and I with a small inquisitive smile inching on her lips.

The bell signaled for the start of class, and we all turned to head towards the main building. Alice rather tactfully moved to the other side of Bella so that she was in between us.

"So when do you want to buy your _mobile phone, _Bella?" I teased her.

She flashed me a mocking scowl before answering, "Soon. I wouldn't mind installing live messenger, but with the Internet connection here and back home, I don't know if it would work."

"Don't bother. It's so slow it's painful," Alice piped up, rolling her eyes.

Bella looked up at me questioningly; I grinned at her and nodded my head in agreement. She sighed. "Well, there goes that idea._ Cell phone_ it is, then."

"We can all go into Port Angeles tomorrow, Bella, so you can buy one," Alice suggested.

I groaned inwardly, and the little rat caught on immediately, retracting, "Oh—hang on, I think Jazz and I are going … somewhere …"

Did she have to sound so freaking _deliberately_ unconvincing? I wondered, half rolling my eyes.

Bella broke into a small amused smile. "It's okay, Alice."

Alice went to her locker before home-room. I walked along with Bella chatting to her easily and almost walked with her into her class.

"Are you joining us today, Mr. Cullen?" Mr. Fox asked me dryly.

"Uh—no," I stammered feeling like a dickhead. I turned to Bella, she was grinning at me warmly.

"Talk later, _alligator_."

_Fuck!_

Forever owning my ass...

* * *

**A/N: Later, gators...**


	11. Condoms and Cucumbers

**A/N: This chapter was hard because when it was written the entire plot of the story hadn't been worked out and I needed to go back to add more to it. Then it threw the entire chapter out, so I had to basically rewrite it. So, if you're not reading this for the first time, there's a few small changes that tie it all in better.**

**:)**

* * *

**Chapter 11**

**Condoms and Cucumbers**

**Edward's POV**

"So, what was with all the Australian jokes Emmett was doing last night?" Jazz asked me curiously during second period.

I shrugged. "I don't know—you know Emmett," I answered with feigned ignorance, hoping he'd let it go, but knowing better.

Jazz quirked an unconvinced eyebrow. "Yeah sure. He seems to be giving you a hard time lately. Is it because of Bella?"

I took a measured breath, attempting to keep it from reflecting my impatience. "I don't know what it's about."

"Alice said she walked in on you and Bella yesterday," Jazz said, suddenly smirking broadly.

_Freaking little rat!_

"I bet she did," I muttered. I didn't know what the fuck he found so amusing about the idea of Bella and I, but it was fast pissing me off.

"So ... you taking her to Rob's party, or what?"

I shrugged. "I guess, but she has a lot going on at the moment."

"Yeah," Jazz agreed, his voice lowering, "Alice told me."

I sighed, annoyed. "I don't think she wants the whole school knowing about it, Jazz."

"I'm not the whole freaking school!" he stated with irritation, attracting the attention of the teacher, who threw us a warning glare.

I jerked my shoulders, dismissing him. "Yeah, yeah. Okay."

"Dude, seriously, I wish you'd learn to relax. Hopefully Bella-down-under chills you," he said in a hushed tone, sounding like he was serious. I turned to face him raising my eyebrows, when he added, his grin freaking smutty, "otherwise I'd _seriously_ consider taking Stanley up on her offer."

I groaned, this time not bothering to conceal it. No chance in hell would I choose slut-bag Stanley over Bella. The idea of it made my freaking skin crawl.

"What are you doing wearing your jacket still anyway? I thought you were _never_ cold these days," the prick inquired, snickering.

I huffed again shortly. "Jesus, what are you, my mother?"

I cringed at the thought of Jazz knowing the reason why I was still wearing it. In fact, I was surprised big mouth Alice hadn't disclosed _everything _to him. I enjoyed the fucked up aroma of Bella on my jacket; it was almost worth the crap I'd get from him if he knew.

"I'll just ask Alice," Jazz replied smugly.

My heart skipped a beat. I had to get to the little ferret before he did.

**...**

Unfortunately, I didn't get the opportunity to speak to Alice alone. Bella was constantly with her and Alice seemed to be keeping a close vigil over her; though, Bella seemed fairly oblivious to it. She appeared almost like a different person to the one she'd become over the last week. She didn't look as tortured, though her eyes still seemed to be doing that endless shit—except when she looked at me. Then they were warm, but freaking skeptical, as if she was just waiting for me to say something lame-assed.

There was just no getting around her.

I was also starting to get seriously pissed at that annoying weasel, Mike Newton, who seemed to be stalking her every move. Bella was treating him politely, though she did look uncomfortable enough that I wanted to drag him away from her by his throat.

I sighed again, attempting to get a hold of myself. I had to admit that surrendering myself to the feelings I had for Bella had not made any of it any easier; I only felt more fucked up and edgy.

"Dude, Alice wants me to sit with her at lunch. That cool?" Jazz asked during English class.

I tried to hide the smirk from breaking across my face, by coughing into my hand. "Yeah, that's cool."

I wondered if he knew Alice's motives behind it—not that Jazz would knock back an opportunity to be with his _Pixie Pie. _I wanted to puke, recalling the name I'd heard him once call her.

"So, you're favorite jacket, huh?"

I groaned inwardly; of course, the jackass would ask Alice, wouldn't he?

I decided the best response would be to continue feigning ignorance. "What the hell are you on about?"

"Alice said that's why you're wearing your jacket indoors, _cause it's your favorite_," he mocked me, snorting.

I let out my breath and had to stop myself from running my hand back through my hair, but at least Alice hadn't completely ratted me out. "Seriously, Jazz, are you bored?" I replied, keeping up with the charade, even though I was itching to punch the asshole in the face.

"Nope, but pay-back's a bitch, dude. Just remember that," he retorted with a wink.

Feeling my jaw clenching, I only ignored him. I wasn't sure why I was so uncomfortable with people knowing what I felt about Bella. Maybe it was because in my life up until this point she was the one and only girl that I'd actually had an interest in. Actually, it was so incredibly far and beyond just an interest, but I still hadn't worked it out to know what else to call it. Pitifully in love with her didn't seem to cut it.

Jazz kept up his snide comments, but by lunch I had managed to sway him off the subject by talking of our upcoming match against Sequim. It was a good thing, because I didn't know how to ask him not to give me shit in front of Bella without sounding like a total pussy. If I knew Jazz, it would only fuel him more anyway.

By the time I walked into the cafeteria at lunchtime, I almost had fucking heart failure. Everyone was at Alice's regular table, including Emmett, and whatever he was saying to Bella had her in stitches.

"Fuck my life," I muttered to myself, before I made my way over, reminding myself that Emmett was my brother and not even he would stoop to humiliating me—deliberately, that is.

"Well, well, if it isn't The Rescuers Down Under," asshole Emmett smirked once Jazz and I reached the table.

I took a slow, measured breath, internally counting to fucking ten, before I looked over to Bella and caught her gaze. She flashed me a warm kind of smile, and I smiled back awkwardly, feeling my ears catch fucking fire wondering if she was smiling out of pity—from whatever my dickhead brother had just told her.

I sat down beside her and my eyes met Alice's on the other side of her. With a slight shake of her head and a small reassuring smile Alice put my fears to rest. I sighed in relief beneath my breath knowing that if Emmett had said something to humiliate me I'd have to do something about it, and the idea of Bella seeing my brother beating the shit out of me in front of half the school's population, in the middle of the cafeteria, wasn't very appealing.

"What's wrong, Edward?" Bella asked, inclining her head toward me, sending my body heat suddenly sky rocketing. "You look a little … frazzled."

"Uh—nothing. I'm fine," I replied, flashing her a quick grin to validate it.

Her smile increased, brightening her entire face.

I bowed my head for a moment, needing to get myself under control before I had a fucking boner in the middle of the cafeteria. I had absolutely no control over a thing when I was around her. She just conquered everything in me.

"So, Edna, how's the bludging going?" Emmett asked, grinning at me slyly.

I rolled my eyes, while Bella only looked confused, her eyebrows knotting slightly.

Leaning toward me again, she asked in a soft voice, "Do you guys have a different meaning for it?"

I turned to look at her face; her expression was so full of insecurity that I immediately broke into a smile. I only shook my head, and when realization hit her, her face flooded for a moment, and as she fought with it, her expression hedged with frustration.

I looked down, smothering my laughter through my nose, before I grabbed her hand under the table squeezing it.

When I glanced over at her again, she was looking down at our hands, a small smile on her lips, while her face remained slightly tinged. I found myself gazing at her, smiling to myself and almost unable to pull my eyes from her. That is until asshole, Emmett, went and deliberately cleared his throat before turning his attention to Bella. "So … Bella? How are you liking Forks?"

She immediately looked up, almost startled. "Um, yeah, I like it, but I'm used to small towns, so . . ." she replied with a small shrug.

"Do you know how you know you're from Forks?" Emmett asked her.

Rose groaned openly and rolled her eyes, while Bella only shook her head slowly with a puzzled expression.

"You know you're from Forks, when you've been married three times and still have the same in-laws."

Shey broke into a grin, scoffing it softly, and my body reacted immediately to it. My freaking palms were going clammy, and so releasing Bella's hand, I folded my arms on top of the table.

"No, no, no..." Jazz said, shaking his head slowly, "you know you're from Forks, because your house still has the 'wide load' sign stuck on the back of it."

Bella laughed softly this time and was then joined by Alice, who piped up, "You're _definitely_ from Forks if your family tree has_ no _forks."

Even Rose was managing a smirk, while Bella grinned broadly, biting intermittently on her lip. It didn't occur to me that I was paying so much attention to her, until her eyes moved to me, and her brow quirked questioningly.

I smiled stiffly, quickly glancing away, feeling as fucking tense as she was the day before when I'd tried to kiss her.

The _Forks_ jokes continued

"You tell people your license plate is personalized because your dad made it in prison," Jazz added.

"Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does," Emmett added back.

"The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife," was Jasper's response.

Jazz and Emmett continued back and forth until we were all laughing. Bella was laughing so much that she propped her elbow on my shoulder and leaned against me.

I immediately got a fucking erection, and Emmett zeroed in on me, his expression devious, before he again turned to Bella. "Bella, you're from a small town, you must know a few good ones."

Her face colored a shade and she replied, almost awkwardly, "Umm ... no, not really."

I had the impression she wouldn't admit to it even if she knew hundreds.

"Bella knows Kiwi jokes," Alice piped up, making a frown momentarily darken Bella's face.

"Cool, tell us a couple of your Kiwi jokes, Bella," Emmett said with an encouraging grin.

Taking a short breath, she seemed resigned. "Okay ... you know you're from New Zealand ... when you go to _Kens _and you forget to _peck_ your _pissed aside_."

I almost laughed; I _almost _reached over and put my arms around her shoulders. It couldn't be possible that she was this fucking adorable, but everyone else at the table sat in awkward, bewildered silence.

"Huh?" Emmett said, before a jolt hit the table, from either Alice or Rose, which threatened to knock over his can of coke.

"It-it's about their ... accent," Bella mumbled self-consciously, gazing down at her clasped hands, before one came up to tug on her lower lip.

It was so fucked up what she did to me, and despite the fact that my palms were still clammy, I donged her knee playfully under the table.

"I got it, Bella," I teased her softly.

"You did not," she replied smiling at me gently, with some of her cynicism behind it, "but thanks."

I squeezed her knee this time, leaving it resting there for a moment. The fact that my hands were beginning to shake was the only reason why I withdrew it—only I didn't get a chance to, because Bella's hand caught mine, entwining our fingers together.

"Oh, Jazzy, I have to go to the library before fifth period—come with?" Alice suddenly exclaimed, completely freaking unconvincing.

"What for?" Jazz asked.

Alice rolled her eyes. "For fifth period," she repeated, getting up out of her chair and pulling Jazz up as she went.

"Yeah ..." Emmett suddenly drawled, "I've got to go to the library too."

Because the asshole really just couldn't help himself.

I dropped my forehead to my hand, rubbing at my brow and wanting to groan out loud.

Rose openly snorted. "Oh give me a break—you've never stepped a foot inside a library in your life," she stated dryly before getting out of her chair and pulling him roughly to his feet.

The look of impressed surprise on Emmett's face was almost freaking comical. "Whoa, baby, you are _so_ turning me on right now."

Bella watched them leave, a small dubious smile on her face before turning to me. "Wow—that was only really obvious." She laughed again, lightly, releasing our hands.

She was so light hearted about it—about me, and I wondered how she could be that way when, compared to me, I was on the verge of being a sack of horny fucking drool.

I tried to put a casual smile on my face, despite the fact that it was bothering the fuck out of me that I couldn't work her out, when a loudspeaker announcement interrupted my reply.

"**Isabella Swan, please report to the office."**

She immediately froze, her face going ten shades paler. Her eyes met mine; they were drowning in fear, and seemed to be silently pleading with me.

"Do you want me to come with you, Bella?" I asked her gently.

She only nodded quickly, but didn't move.

I took her hand again, squeezing it with encouragement; she took several deep breaths, before getting to her feet.

We were immediately confronted by Jacob and his girlfriend, but Jacob didn't appear to see me, his focus was on Bella and his expression was flooded with concern; it became suddenly real to me how much he loved her.

"Bells, we'll come with you," he insisted, as his girlfriend wrapped her arm around Bella's waist, pulling her closer to her, and breaking Bella's hand from mine.

Bella nodded, sucking in her breath one more time as if psyching herself up. "Okay…"

Jacob wrapped his arm around her shoulders and they walked her towards the exit of the cafeteria, when she suddenly turned back to me, motioning with me to follow, her eyes almost desperate.

I trailed behind them, and waited outside while they entered the office with Bella. I told myself that it was better she had her family with her—even if her family was that great ape, Jacob Swan. It pissed me off, and as I waited, clenching my hands into fists, I wasn't really sure why, and not being able to comprehend any of it only made me feel more fucking edgy.

They were only gone a couple of minutes when they reemerged. Jake still had his arm draped around Bella, but it was more casual, and Bella was completely relaxed—and smiling.

I blew out my breath in relief, when her eyes met mine. Her smile broadened and she nodded slightly, silently telling me it was ok. I broke into an immediate grin, feeling my shoulders relax.

Jake and Ness hugged her simultaneously before releasing her and heading—back to the cafeteria, I gathered, but I couldn't really focus on them because in the next instant Bella threw herself into my arms.

She was trembling, and her breathing was erratic, and for a moment I second guessed what was happening. But then she spoke, barely a whisper and engulfed in emotion, "Oh my God, Edward…"

Her breath gushed from her, washing over me, before tightening her arms around me, she pressed her lips to the side of my neck.

Of course this only made me more fucking horny, and then she released herself from my arms, exposing my semi-erection.

_Fuck!_

But Bella was too inundated to notice. With tears in her eyes, and her hands shaking violently, she explained to me what had happened—all in rush, "They-she has brain activity! They're doing more tests, but they're not going to switch off her life support!"

My smile widened. "That's fantastic news, Bella."

She released her breath in one long gush again, bringing her hand up to grasp at her heart. "I am so relieved—oh my God!"

I could only continue to smile at her. This was a new person I was seeing. She was lit up from the inside out, her eyes had come alive, and she was smiling so brightly, she was almost unrecognizable.

"Bloody hell. I need to sit down—feel my heart." She grabbed my hand and pressed it over the left side of her chest—against her breast—closing her hand over mine. Her heart was hammering away inside of her, but it only gave me more of a hard on with the knowledge that I was feeling it through her tits.

I cleared my throat, pulling myself back from the brink, before, removing my hand, I folded her against me—using her as a shield from my fucking boner. "Come on. We'll sit down for a minute."

I was leading her outside when the bell for fifth period signaled.

She stopped, and looked up at me. Her eyes were bright; they looked a little manic. "I'm ok. Let's go to bio."

"Sure?" I asked, my eyebrows raising.

"Positive," she replied, her smile turning warm. She grabbed my hand, and pulled me down the hall toward Biology, not noticing how stiffly I was walking.

"Hey..." I coaxed her to slow down, pulling on her arm, for her to face me.

She looked back over to me. "Yeah?"

"D-did you want to go to Port Angeles tomorrow—to get your phone?" I asked her, stuttering and wishing I could beat my head against the wall for continuing to sound like a complete pussy.

"Sure," she replied, her smile turning generous.

"About ... nine in the morning?" I added, still sounding so pathetically unsure of myself.

"Yeah, that's fine. D-do you know where I live?" she asked, and this time it was her that looked uncertain.

"Um … yeah, I know where you live," I answered her, breaking into a small smile.

She flashed me that cynical grin again, before it warmed, and she turned back away from me, dragging my pansy ass the rest of the way to Bio.

**...**

When Bella and I entered the classroom there were cucumbers on every table, while Mr. Banner was going down the aisles putting piles of condoms on the outer desks.

She quirked me a puzzled look before we headed to our table

"Edward and Bella, since you're the only two of the opposite sex that sit together, you're fine," Mr. Banner said as he placed several condoms in front of Bella's side of the table before continuing on.

Bella leaned toward me. "What did he just say?" she asked me in a hushed voice that was full of bewilderment.

I wanted to laugh. "I think everyone has to be in boy-girl pairs."

She nodded with realization shining in her eyes. "Oh, I see, since we're doing the reproductive system this is some kind of sex-ed thing," she replied more or less to herself. She was continuing to smile to herself and I had no way of knowing whether any part of it was directed at me.

"I think so," I said, stealing a glance at her, and tugging on the collar of my shirt. I was starting to get seriously overheated.

"We did this on bananas back home, only I kept perforating mine," she admitted rolling her eyes to herself.

I laughed. "Serious?"

She nodded, breaking into soft chuckling.

I was about to reply when Mr. Banner suddenly called the class to order. He began reading out names of each boy and girl that would be doing the experiment together.

"Edward and Isabella ..." he read aloud with a quick glance in our direction.

Okay, one thing I was starting to learn about Bella was that when she was happy, she was a lot more _hands on_, because as soon as the teacher read out our names, she leaned into me, nudging me, before playfully squeezing my side.

If I made it through the lesson it'd be a freaking miracle.

"... and Mike and Jason. Sorry, boys, but you're the only two left. I'll leave it up to you two to decide which one of you is the girl," Mr. Banner said with an amused grin.

I snorted, and Bella turned to face me, flashing me a mockingly reproachful look, before she gently nudged me again.

The fucking classroom started spinning.

The room went a bit chaotic for a few minutes as the class begrudgingly went to sit with their new partners. Bella and I, not to mention the girl-girl group of Mike and Jason, the only ones not to have to move.

"Okay, now everyone get to it," Mr. Banner called out.

Bella, sighing in a carefree way, picked up a condom between her thumb and forefinger with a quirked eyebrow before turning to me.

"So, how are we doing this?" she asked, and immediately her face flushed.

I chuckled lightly. "I'll be the cucumber holder," I replied, picking it up and holding it vertical.

She glanced at me and did that smirk again. "Okay." Taking a deep breath, she awkwardly tore open the condom and prized it out of its wrapping. She then attempted to slide it over the cucumber, but had no luck. After three failed attempts—where the condom kept popping back off—she huffed in growing frustration. "There's no hope for me," she mumbled, shrugging her shoulders and laughing softly to herself.

"Erm ... Bella, I think you have it inside out," I said gently, muffling my laughter through my nose.

"How can you tell?" she asked, puzzled.

"I think it's the reason why you can't roll it down."

Her face knotted dubiously. "Okay, I think this one's dead." She picked up a new condom and tore it open.

I became completely distracted by the total look of concentration on her face. She could not manage to get the condom over the cucumber no matter how much she tried, and the look of disappointment she had was so comical, it was all I could do not to openly laugh.

"Why can I not do this?" she exclaimed, before she glanced up at me and narrowed her eyebrows. "Stop looking at me like that, Edward."

Jesus she couldn't stop smiling, and now I suspected the little vixen was flirting with me.

So fuck it, we were back to that. "Looking at you like what, Bella?"

"Okay, let's swap," she said tossing the second opened condom aside and taking the cucumber from me.

"Okay," I agreed. I picked up a condom, ripped it open and carefully slid it over and down the cucumber.

Bella looked at me almost affronted. "How...?" she asked letting her voice trail off, before scoffing and breaking into a begrudging grin.

I chuckled softly. "You give it another go."

She eyed me skeptically for a moment, before sighing. "Okay, but I think it's pointless." She handed the cucumber back to me, her fingers brushing lightly against mine as she did so.

I was sure she did it deliberately.

Tucking her wavy locks behind her ears, she picked up another condom and tore it open. This time, after great perseverance, she managed to get the condom over the cucumber, only to have it split up the side. She sighed again in obvious defeat, and I all but burst into laughter.

"What am I doing wrong?" she exclaimed, looking genuinely disappointed, before half muttering beneath her breath, "I'm going to be a danger to the male population."

"I think you're putting it on too tight, Bella," I replied, focusing on how funny she was and not what she'd just implied.

"Have you done this type of thing before, Edward?" she asked me innocently, preoccupied, only to pause and bite on her lip, looking insecure.

"Well … I did date a banana once, but it didn't work out well," I answered, in a pitiful attempt at being charming.

Jesus, I was such a dickhead!

She looked over at me and her eyebrows bunched before her lips began to twitch in amusement. "Really...?"

I opened my mouth to reply when I suddenly realized the error in what I'd just said.

"And … how does that work? A guy and a … banana?" Bella asked her smile turning wide and toothy.

"Uh..." I stammered, as a flood of heat rushed up my neck.

She started laughing, only half trying to smother it with her hand. "How can you tell if a banana is a girl, Edward?"

Completely owning my ass—again. All I could do was grin to myself like the idiot I was.

"How did it end? Did she split?" She was laughing openly at me now.

"Okay, okay," I replied wryly, rubbing the back of my neck, feeling like a complete dick.

"Did you ever trip on her skin?" she looked up at me then, her smile turning full teasing.

I returned her smile, wryly. "I guess I left myself open to that."

"You kinda did," she agreed, her tone turning soft before she nudged me again, playfully.

She was flirting with me.

This time, without a second thought, I slung my arm over her shoulders, pulled her toward me and kissed the side of her head lightly. She tensed slightly in my arms, and I immediately let her go. When I turned to her, she was already staring at me. Her expression was almost surprised, while her cheeks were starting to burn. I was on the verge of blurting out a hurried apology when her entire face warmed into a smile, without any of that cynicism of hers accompanying it.

I cleared my throat self-consciously. "Okay, Bella I said something stupid, give a guy a break already," I said attempting to push this awkward crap away.

At that moment Mr. Banner called the class to attention.

I shoved my hands into my jean pockets, and stole a glance in Bella's direction. She was staring ahead of her, doing that lip tugging thing, still smiling to herself. Was it about me, or Kel? I couldn't read her.

Mike was given the duty of carrying the bin up the aisle so everyone could dispose of the cucumbers and opened condoms. He glared at me as he held out the bin. I threw him a smug grin before he moved to the next table, scowling to himself.

"Edward," Bella scolded me teasingly. Her tone low so weasel Newton couldn't hear.

I only chuckled.

I ignored Mr. Banner's monotonous sounding voice as he discussed the importance of safe sex and watched Bella out of my peripheral vision.

Had I over stepped again? She was so damn manic over the news she'd gotten that I didn't know what the boundaries were. She seemed to like kissing my neck, but when I kissed her she always tensed. Never before had I ever felt so uncertain of myself, like I did with Bella. She was the only girl in this school who ever looked at me without batting her eyelashes—in fact, more times than not she looked at me like I was some kind of sleaze. I had absolutely no idea how to fully engage her.

She tucked her hair behind her ear and I caught sight of the small smile that was edging on her lips.

I sighed deeply under my breath, knowing I was flying completely blind.

Fuck it, I had already acted like a pansy ass more times than I could count today, so pulling over my notepad, I wrote on it:

**You're adorable**, before slipping it quickly in front of her.

Her eyes glanced at it before her smile discreetly widened. She wrote something in return, her breath scoffing knowingly as she did, before passing it back to me.

**You're such a sap, Edward. OTT for bio though.**

It took me a moment to decipher her meaning before I almost chuckled. I would have loved to have proven how _over the top_ I was capable of at that moment, but the bell for final period rang.

She released her breath lightly, grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder. I did the same and walked with her out of the classroom.

She stopped once we were out of the building and turned to me. "So, when's you're next game, Edward?" She was shrinking into her jacket to escape the rain; I stood beside her still only wearing my t-shirt.

"Next Friday," I answered.

She nodded, looking up to meet my gaze; she was still grinning impulsively to herself. "I'll see you after Gym, alligator."

Even in the state of freaking bliss she was in, she still managed to own me.

I dropped my head a moment, exhaling the complete bewilderment I was feeling, before meeting her eyes and flashing her a conceding grin. "Sure."

She nudged me again, laughing softly to herself, her eyes glistening as she gazed at me. "Sorry, Edward, I'm kinda hyper. I'm just so relieved."

I nodded. "I know you are. I'm happy for you, Bella."

As her eyes held onto mine, her expression softened, before she turned and walked through the doors of the gym.

As I walked to Spanish my mind was so completely monopolized by thoughts of her that at first it didn't register with me when I heard her name being spoken by someone else. It took me a moment to fully realize what was happening, and my anger had already boiled to the surface before I was able to fully comprehend exactly what was being said.

Mike-the-weasel-Newton was walking about six feet ahead of me talking about Bella and him in the same context as though he had the right to. And if that wasn't enough to piss me off, he began taking it a step further.

"You're taking Bella Swan to Rob's party?" Jason Michaels asked him skeptically.

I felt my limbs stiffen involuntarily, my hands clenching into fists. I hurried my step to walk closer to them so I'd be in striking range to slam Newton's head into the brick wall of the Gym, where the prick was heading.

"Yeah, I told you, we went out last night. I took her to see that vampire chick movie," Weasel Newton said altogether too fucking smugly.

"You took Bella out last night?" Jason asked continuing to sound unconvinced.

Of course he was unconvinced; it was total bullshit that Bella would go out with that pissant. The weasel had exactly ten seconds to stop what he was saying before I made him stop.

I was on the verge of doing something to permanently maim the prick, when the next thing out of his mouth completely jarred me.

"I told you I did, didn't I? Why would I lie? She was late too; she was at Cullen's house gossiping so we had to catch a later session."

I stopped walking mid stride, my anger suddenly giving way to something that was totally foreign to me; something that almost fucking crippled me.

"Yeah well, speaking of Cullen, I thought she was with Edward," was Jason's reply.

Newton shrugged, he turned his head to face him and I caught a glimpse of the cocky smile that was plastered all over his face. My anger surged; it was all I could do not to rip it off.

"Don't think so. I think she's just being friendly to him 'cause he's Alice's brother. Well, that's what she said, anyway."

I was jarred again, this time to the point of almost buckling over as though the jackass had punched me in the stomach. I stopped to gain control of myself; I could feel myself coming apart by the sheer velocity of my anger. I didn't believe a word of it, and when I got to the bottom of it I would find Newton and fucking settle it.

It took almost all my self-control to not break Newton's neck, turn away and walk in the opposite direction. As I took a step away from him, he added something else.

"Yeah, we ran into Angela and Ben; didn't know they were hooked up..."

I continued to Spanish clinging desperately to my anger, taking slow deliberate steps trying to calm the furious thud of my heart. I was beginning to feel completely fucking vulnerable, and it pissed me off.

I knew Ben well enough that if he had seen Bella out with weasel Newton, he'd tell me if I asked.

And ask I would. God help Newton if he was bullshitting, because at this point, he was making Jacob Swan look like my best fucking buddy!

Ben was in my Spanish class, he was a quiet reserved type of person, who'd played on the baseball team until he dislocated his shoulder the year before. As for him and Angela it was practically written across his forehead, and as far as everyone knew he'd been into her since middle school.

I caught up with him just outside of Spanish.

"Hey, Ben," I greeted him, trying to push all the shit behind me and stay casual.

"Hey, Edward, how's it going?" he replied with a friendly grin.

"Not bad," I shrugged and paused before adding. "I heard you've seen that new movie—what's the name of it?"

He named the movie as a question, his brow furrowing slightly.

I nodded. "That's it. I was thinking of seeing it. Will it make me puke?"

He smirked. "Probably, but the girls seem to like it. Who you taking?"

Immediately I felt like I was wronging Bella somehow. I should have been asking her about it, but how could I do that without sounding like an infantile, jealous prick?

"I kind of owe Alice and Bella a favor and promised I'd take them—don't ask," I replied making a show of rolling my eyes.

Recognition shone immediately in his eyes. "I think Bella's seen it all ready, she was at the movies last night with Newton. I'm pretty sure they were seeing it."

I felt like I'd been gutted, the blood draining slowly from my face, only to flash immediately back with anger. Ben looked taken aback, but I was past acting rational now.

"Thanks," I muttered walking past him and into the classroom, resisting the urge to punch a hole in the door.

I slammed myself down in my seat so violently that I felt the chair buckle for a moment under me.

"Dude, you all right?" Jazz asked, looking at me like I'd finally lost the plot.

I had.

I turned to him with a glare. "I'm fine!" I said lowly, the anger in my voice making it waver.

Newton wasn't bullshitting, but it didn't stop me from wanting to beat the shit out of him, and wipe that smug grin from his face for good.

_The fucker cut my grass_, as Jazz would say, and for that I was going to break his legs.

I took a breath, exhaling it sharply; the idea of that pissant telling everyone I beat his ass because I was jealous over him and Bella made me cringe. I wouldn't boost the asshole's ego for him, but I would make him pay for it, I silently vowed, fucking seething with anger.

I took another pissed off breath and dragged both my hands through my hair. The words he'd spoken continued to echo in my mind, while my hands balled tightly into fists on top of the desk.

_Bella was only friends with me. She was only friends with me because I was Alice's brother?_ If it was true, I shouldn't have been surprised by it, but then, I couldn't blame weasel Newton. I'd screwed it up, and I only had myself to blame. Bella owed me nothing.

But it made sense; every time I'd attempted something more with her the day before she'd clamped up. She'd been friendly with me—it was all me that was too fucking stupid to read her signals.

I rubbed my forehead in angry frustration. Still, if she only felt friendship for me, then why hadn't she told me so? Surely, she knew how I felt. Was she simply hell bent on paying me back over the whole thing with Jacob? Was she deliberately torturing me? I didn't want to believe it, but what the hell was I supposed to believe? Why else would she go out on a date with weasel-fucking-Newton?

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Jazz watching me, a bewildered expression on his face. I ignored him; I was past giving a shit.

"Did something happen with Jake?" he asked me quietly.

"Jazz, would you just shut the fuck up!" I growled back in reply.

"Fine! Have it your way, douche-bag," he muttered, turning back to the teacher.

My thoughts went back to the previous night with Bella. I went over every little detail trying to see where I'd got it all wrong, but it was obvious now. She had never given me any intention she wanted anything more with me than friendship. Every time I complimented her she called me sappy, she rolled her eyes at me; scoffed; and fucking turned to ice when I kissed her. She had come to my house a complete mess, she needed a friend and Alice wasn't home. _I'd _tried to kiss her, not the other way around; it was completely my fault.

Still, it didn't seem fucking right that she went from a complete mess to casually going to the movies with that asshole—and who the fuck kisses their _friends_ on the neck?

Like the complete dickhead I was, I'd offered to take her to Port Angeles so she could buy a cell phone, when all along she'd rather go with Newton! If it was all just a part of our _friendship _then she could go with weasel Newton. I didn't want any part of it—of her! I was a fucking dumb ass. Worse than that, I was a fool that had just had my heart shattered.

I was so seriously fucking pissed off, but that crippling emotion I was fighting to keep at a distance was suddenly beginning to choke me.

I held on fast to my anger.

I was the first one out the door at the end of the class. I wanted to get out of the school without running into Bella again, but of course, it was never going to be that easy.

As I was passing the gym she came out with weasel in tow. My anger turned blinding, my hands rigid fists at my sides. It took all of my self-control and more, not to walk up to Newton and break his fucking neck.

As I contemplated this, my eyes drifted inadvertently over to Bella and our eyes met before I could look away; my heart thudded. Immediately her face lit up into a broad smile before it fell just as quickly, her forehead creasing with concern. I turned away sharply and hurried my step to the parking lot.

"Edward!" I heard her call after me, her tone sounding hurt and bewildered, but I kept walking without a pause.

By the time I got to the parking lot, Bella had caught up to me, grabbing my arm to force me to stop walking as she paused to catch her breath. As soon as her hand touched my skin my temperature spiked and my anger surged even higher.

"What do you want, Bella?" I demanded in a cold voice.

She opened her mouth to reply but faltered, her expression going blank in confusion.

I felt an immediate twinge of regret, but pushed it away with a jerk of my shoulder.

"A-are you okay, Edward?" she asked me softly, her large brown eyes searching my face intently as her brow knotted further.

"I'm fine, Bella, but I have to get home," I replied without emotion.

"Edward ... what's wrong?" she asked, her tone suddenly laced with uncertainty.

I huffed out the air in my lungs and ran my hand through my hair in frustration. "There is nothing wrong with me!" I snapped.

She flinched, surprised, her eyes widening, before they began to darken with anger.

I was past caring.

I turned my gaze from her and unlocked my car. My hands were shaking; it frustrated the fuck out of me. She wanted to be _buddies_ and my hands were fucking shaking in her presence!

"Well … I'll see you tomorrow then?" she asked quietly, her tone now thick with insecurity.

What the hell was her game?

I whipped my head back to her. "I'll tell you what, Bella, since you're so cozy with _Newton_, how about you get _him_ to take you to Port Angeles!?"

She stared back at me with an injured look on her face, before her eyes immediately narrowed. "What the hell is the matter with you!?" she demanded, angry—self fucking righteous, before, with a pissed off sounding huff, she turned and walked away.

She didn't deny it.

That emotion I'd successfully managed to hold back by the barest minimum suddenly broke free with such a force that I felt like I'd been smashed in the chest. I opened the door to my Volvo and got in, slamming the door shut behind me.

Before I allowed it to overwhelm me, my anger returned. I preferred it; at that point I was welcoming it. I started the engine and pulled out of the school, my tires screeching as I went.

I glanced in the rear view mirror; Bella was beside her car her shoulders drawn and dejected as Jacob stood beside her, his arm wrapped protectively around her. His eyes followed my car, narrow and dark. I glared back, locking my eyes with his in defiance, before I drove out of view.

The image of Bella's injured expression flashed in my mind, but I shoved it back, allowing it to be consumed by my anger.

I pulled my cell phone from my bag with my free arm, clicked through my contacts, found Jessica Stanley, and hit 'call'.

* * *

***HEAD DESK* **

**Edward is ... Edward.**

**Thanks for reading.**


	12. All Night Long

**A/N: Get the 411 from Alice's perspective, amongst the randy little goings on with her and Jazzy pants.**

* * *

**Chapter 12**

**All Night Long**

**Alice's POV**

The moment I left the gym I was in Jazzy's arms.

"Come here, my Pixie Pie," he drawled affectionately, kissing me tenderly but briefly on the lips before plunging his face into my neck.

I grinned to myself and rolled my eyes. "Jazzy, please!" I exclaimed, but it was only in half earnest.

He pulled away and threw me a teasing pout.

My grin broadened. "We have all night, remember? Everyone's out—well except Edward, but we can always chain him to the basement."

Jazz groaned loudly and exaggeratedly. "Tell me we don't have to spend the night with douche-bag, multiple-personality-disorder _Edward_!"

"Don't worry, Jazzy, my plan is to get him to Bella's," I said smiling secretively to myself before grabbing Jazz's hand, bringing it to my lips and kissing his knuckles.

"Huh? Him and Jacob in the same house—oh god, please yes!" He laughed openly.

I threw him a funny look then grinned at him teasingly. "Did you and my brother have a fight, honey?"

He put his arm around my shoulders, dragging my face to his, kissing me quickly, before he addressed my question with a shrug, "Nope, but I seriously think he needs shock therapy. Should have seen how psycho he was in Spanish today."

I abruptly stopped walking and turned to him, suddenly suspicious. "Why … what was he doing?" I asked slowly, feeling a slight ripple of panic travel through my body. Why I continued to allow Edward to, in a sense, dictate my happiness with his actions, I would never know, but I did.

"Acting like a freak—nothing out of the ordinary," he replied with that gorgeous, playful grin.

I only groaned to myself softly. I had suspected something was wrong with him—enough for me to sense it in the middle of volleyball, anyway. But since Edward was all over the place these days, I tried to rationalize it away and concentrate on my gorgeous hunk of a guy in front of me.

"It's cool, Alley, don't worry about him," Jazz whispered in my ear before nuzzling it.

I sighed deeply and allowed him to pull me forward again. Still, that nagging feeling didn't go away, and as soon as we reached the parking lot, I quickly understood why.

Bella was standing beside her car with her face buried in Jacob's chest. She was clearly upset, and unsurprisingly, Edward was nowhere to be seen. I scanned the parking lot quickly for his car, but it was gone.

"What has he done now?" I sighed to myself angrily, pulling from Jazz's arms and heading over to Bella; ignoring his exaggerated groan.

As soon as I approached, Jacob turned to me and flashed me a warning glare. I glared back, daring him to stop me, before I completely ignored him and turned my attention to Bella. She was crying, though she was making an obvious effort to hide the fact that she was. I sighed to myself feeling like a rat; a rat by association—_again_!

Of course it had something to do with Edward, and if I wasn't already aware of that fact, Jake rather angrily brought it to my attention.

"You tell that piece of shit, coward of a brother of yours, _Cullen, _that when I see him I'm going to break his legs!" he fumed, turning back to Bella.

She placed her hand gently on his chest, pushing herself off him. "It's okay, Jake," she insisted, wiping her eyes quickly with the back of her hand.

She didn't look okay, but it was typical of Bella, always trying to downplay what she was feeling. I smiled at her; she turned her gaze downward, still trying to hide her obvious emotions.

I was beginning to hope Jake really would beat the crap out of Edward; he deserved a good ass kicking!

"How is it okay, Bells? The last thing you need is his bullshit—I'm gonna kill him!" Jake huffed, his anger making his voice rise and carry across the lot, making him appear more intimidating than his size already suggested.

"This time you'll have to get in line, Jake," I added lowly, before turning to Bella, who was attempting to smile at me through her obvious distress; making the overall effect look rather pitiful.

"What happened, Bella?" I asked her gently.

She shook her head, seeming genuinely confused. "I don't know. I think he thinks I have something going on with _Mike Newton_!" she exclaimed her voice rising higher, rivaling Jakes, and making it obvious that, along with confusion, she was pissed off.

"Tell him if he wants to take his shit out on someone, to come and find _me_ next time!" Jake added shaking his head to himself while staring fixedly at me as though it was acceptable for me to take the brunt of his anger—considering I was a blood relative of Edward.

I rubbed my forehead frustrated and slightly unnerved by the hulking form of Jake towering over me.

"I'm sorry, Bella..." I allowed my voice to trail off. I was too ashamed to say what I really wanted, because I was the one that had encouraged both Bella and Edward towards building a relationship together. And now, the end result of that endeavor was standing before me, stubbornly shrugging off the obvious fact that my brother had hurt her.

Again!

I was suddenly so pissed, and I was sick and tired of continuously apologizing for Edward's behavior!

Bella nodded, any remnant of tears had vanished and her deep expressive eyes were suddenly blazing. "I'm so over this, Alice! I don't ever want to speak to him again!" she exclaimed. She was angrier than she was hurt, but hurt she still was—incredibly so.

I nodded in understanding, half sighing, half huffing with both anger and guilt.

"Anyway, I'll speak to you later, Al. I just want to go home at the moment," she added almost apologetically when I didn't reply, her tone warming as she addressed me.

I nodded again, before I rather impulsively hugged her. "Take care, Bella—and again, I'm so happy about Kel. I'll call you tonight, okay?"

She broke into a sheepish smile and nodded. "Bye, Alice," she replied, her voice suddenly falling in sync with her eyes; in fact, the pain was rather blatantly ingrained into her expression whether she was aware of it or not.

I felt a surge of hot anger boil through me, but quickly pushed it aside. It could wait—Edward could wait.

_He's not going anywhere and heaven help him when I get home_, I vowed silently to myself.

Jake put his arm back around Bella's shoulder protectively, but she pushed him away impatiently. "I'm okay, Jake!" she blurted, her expression going stormy.

Sighing again, I turned to where Jazz was waiting leaning against his car, his hands stuffed in his pockets to protect himself from the cold. He smiled at me brightly then winked. I felt the edges of my mouth twitch before I completely broke into a warm, affectionate smile. However, it soon faded from my lips, my mood growing frosty as my thoughts returned to my idiot brother.

I pulled my cell out of my bag and called Edward; it went immediately to his voice mail.

"Coward," I muttered to myself, before yelling down into the phone as soon as his message beeped, "It's too bad stupidity isn't painful, _Edward_!"

Jazz was chuckling to himself as he opened the passenger door for me—kissing the nape of my neck quickly as I climbed in. I smiled, allowing a fuzzy feeling to filter through me, but again my mood immediately dipped back to irritation as soon as his soft lips left my skin.

"So...?" Jazz asked me after he climbed into the driver's seat, arching his eyebrow dubiously while trying to hold back the all-out grin. He found Edward's behavior more amusing than I could fully understand, these days.

"I have no idea, except my brother is a moron!" I retorted, darkly.

"Fair enough," he replied turning away from me, his smile not faltering.

"What do you know? You might as well tell me now?" I sighed, suddenly feeling weary.

He turned back to me. "Honestly? Nothing. He came into Spanish looking seriously pissed. I asked him what was wrong and he told me to fuck myself," he answered. His expression began serious, but soon he was exhaling out his obvious amusement.

I shook my head and covered my face with my hands.

"I don't want to know. I don't want to know. _I don't want to know!_" I chanted to myself in an attempt to convince myself otherwise. Unfortunately where Edward was concerned, I was kidding myself. I sighed; it ended as a full-fledged aggravated groan.

Jazz's grin broadened, before, breaking into a light chuckle, he started the engine and pulled out of the school.

"I don't know why you're getting so much amusement out of all this. You really should empathize with me; you have a sister too, after all," I said to him wryly, before throwing him a dubious look by his reaction. He was on the verge of all out laughter.

He shook his head to himself. "If I know one thing, it's that Rose would chop my balls off and wear them as earrings if I dared to interfere in her life."

"I'm not _interfering_!" I exclaimed immediately indignant. "I was trying to help the idiot out. Edward's decisions have been made all on his own!"

Jazz tried to grab my hand, but I shoved it away.

"Alley, I didn't mean it that way," he stressed remorsefully. "Sorry," he added pathetically, turning his blue puppy dog eyes on me as he stopped at a red light.

I tried to remain indignant but my mouth slowly curved upwards in betrayal. I exhaled deeply. "Okay," I mumbled.

Jazz reached out, placing his large palm behind the back of my neck and pulled me gently toward him, kissing me deeply. His lips traveled the course of my face warming it up instantly and sending my body into mild tremors as he went. I released the air from my lungs slowly and almost lost myself in the moment—but for the angry sounding car horn that was blasting behind us.

"Jazzy ... green ... light," I managed to utter after his lips once again found mine.

He chuckled and continued to kiss me, murmuring, "It's Mr. Fox. Let's make him wait a bit longer."

I shoved him off me. "Jazz! I'm sorry but making out in front of a teacher is _not _a turn on!"

He laughed softly before hitting the gas and driving out of Forks.

**...**

"How do you know you're from Forks...?" Jazz murmured huskily in my ear.

We were in the midst of our goodbyes, but I was too irritated to enjoy it. All I could think of was getting to Edward in order to break his neck.

"How?" I asked sighing, as my eyes inadvertently drifted from Jazz's to the front door of the house, narrowing.

"When you're kissing your boyfriend, but thinking about your brother," he replied, pulling back from me with a quick grin.

I exhaled into a chuckle then wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him close. "I'm sorry, Jazzy," I said sincerely, kissing his neck before pulling back to kiss his lips tenderly. "I'll make it up to you tonight—after I kill Edward," I whispered in his ear, making my voice sound deliberately seductive, and smiling to myself as he immediately grew tense.

"Mmm," Jazz murmured knowingly, "I'll hold you to that." He kissed me again.

"I know ... you will," I replied, responding to him, but the need to maim my brother was more prominent on my mind.

Jazz sighed deeply and slumped back to his seat. He looked over at me and grinned, rolling his eyes. "Okay, go kill him. I'll see you at seven."

I planted a quick parting kiss on his cheek before jumping out of the car. "Tonight, Jazzy," I said coyly, winking at him.

He blew me a kiss, before pulling back down the driveway.

That afternoon was the first time that I didn't stay on the porch watching as Jazzy drove out of sight. Instead, I leaped up the stairs two at a time, my anger returning with each step as I raced towards Edward's room.

There was no light illuminated under his bedroom door, but that didn't stop me from bursting through it anyway.

Empty.

I huffed loudly, whipping my phone out and pressing Edward's speed dial number. It reached his voice mail again. I took a barely measured breath, feeling my frustration growing

"Where are you, Edward? The village is missing its idiot!" I bellowed into my cell.

**...**

Emmett came home around five; he got dressed and left not long after. He hadn't seen Edward.

"What has Bludge done now?" he asked, as he stood in front of his dresser mirror styling his shortly cropped hair.

Why he was bothering was any one's guess, but I'm sure he thought he was improving upon it.

"The usual acts of astounding stupidity," I muttered dryly, leaning on the door frame of his bedroom.

He quirked an eyebrow at me. "And? You're surprised _because_...?"

"I'm not surprised, but … he hurt Bella," I confessed quietly, feeling a pang of guilt in my chest for leaving Edward open to Emmett again. I pushed it away angrily; he no longer deserved my loyalties.

"Again?" Emmett asked, raising his brow high on his forehead before breaking into a mocking grin.

I only nodded in reply.

He began laughing so hysterically that he had to stop combing his hair to lean his forehead on the top of his dresser. "Where is he?" he asked with a devious grin after his laughing had died down.

"Hiding—I don't know. That's why I asked you if you'd seen him," I answered rolling my eyes at him.

"Jeez, that dude is funny." Emmett laughed to himself with a shake of his head.

"I think we'll agree to disagree on that, Em," I said, turning to walk to my room.

"Hey?" He called after me; I turned back to him raising my eyebrows in question. "What time is Mom and Doctor McDreamy due home tonight?" he asked, his eyes narrowing suddenly with suspicion.

I shrugged. "Probably about the same as usual. Why?" I asked, sensing the beginnings of his male ego, over bearing big brother syndrome and groaning internally.

"Well, you tell Jazz to behave himself or I'll sick Rosie on to him," was Emmett's reply, his eyes gleaming with both the seriousness of his threat and his usual wise ass amusement.

I rolled my eyes. "I'll keep that in mind. Goodnight, Em," I replied lightly before returning to my room.

"Yeah 'night, _elfling_."

Edward was still AWOL by the time Jazz was due to arrive. I had to conclude that the snake was hiding out and probably wouldn't be home all night. I more than likely wouldn't know where he was unless I stayed awake until mom arrived home to ask her. Edward knew better than to stay out all night without letting mom know; if he knew what was good for him, anyway. That knowledge only made me fume more. He wasn't even man enough to come home and face up to his actions—to me, at least!

I left him another message, expecting to reach his voice mail and not blinking when I got it. "You have to come home some time, you coward!" I growled down the phone before tossing it angrily on my bed.

I sighed to myself and picked it up a moment later, this time dialing Bella's house. Her Uncle answered before I heard the sound of Bella's humorless voice a few moments later, even though I suspected she was attempting to sound cheerful. My heart swelled for her.

She went on to explain Edward's rather hostile behavior towards her that afternoon.

"Did he even ask you if it was true?" I asked in angry disbelief.

"No," Bella replied. "He seemed to have made up his mind himself."

I was fuming.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid asshole!_ I thought to myself wanting to scream it out.

I changed the subject immediately, asking Bella if she was going to Rob's very famous eighteenth birthday party Saturday night. I knew she didn't want to go. It was obvious she didn't like the thought of running into Edward there.

"Hey, look, if you're worried about Edward, I don't think he'll go, somehow. He's avoiding me like the plague at the moment," I explained to her, my tone tactful.

She sighed heavily into the receiver. "I'll think about it, Alice. Thanks for calling. I've got to go and bear witness to more Jake and Nessie _slop_." I could almost see the brave smile that she was attempting on the other end of the line.

Edward wasn't good enough for her; that was all there was to it.

I chuckled gently. "Goodnight, Bella. You take it easy, okay?"

"Sure thing, Als. You too," was her reply, her soft voice wavering at the end but she hung up before I could say anything more.

I was so angry that I sent another message to Edward, this time via text: **Calling you an idiot is an insult to stupid people!**

I paced around my room angrily, before the thought of Jazzy coming over was the only thing that began to calm my mood. I got dressed into Jazz's favorite outfit and sprayed on the perfume he'd bought me for Christmas, before going downstairs to wait for him.

He arrived right on time just as he always did, revealing a single red rose from behind his back and extending it out to me.

"For you, my Alley cat," he said sweetly, grinning at me huge and handsomely.

I exhaled wistfully—he was so gorgeous. I took the rose from his hand and with my other, I grabbed a fistful of his sweater, pulling him inside. "Oh, Jazzy..." I said softly, stretching up to kiss him affectionately.

He wrapped his arms around my waist, hauling me off the ground, kissing me back with a little more fervor.

I pulled back teasingly. "Patience, patience," I whispered in his ear, before tucking his blond floppy locks behind it, so I could kiss it softly, grinning as I did, knowing his reaction in advance.

He immediately cringed, pulling me away automatically. "Oh, Alley—no!" He laughed, plonking me back down on my feet.

I laughed lightly and grabbed his hand pulling him over to the sofa. "Did you get the DVDs?" I asked.

He flashed me a wry grin and held them up.

I popped them open inspecting them before groaning loudly. "What are … I can't watch these!" I exclaimed in distaste.

One was foreign, and the other was dated 1947, without the mention of Clark Gable on the blurb, at all.

Jazz grinned broadly, arching his eyebrow suggestively. "I thought that was the whole idea."

I smiled back at him, shaking my head lightly to myself. "Can't we pretend to watch them, at least?" I teased him with mock coyness.

He came over to me, took the DVDs from my hands and kissed me again briefly, shaking his head. "No," he answered, chuckling softly, before kissing me again more intensely.

I pulled away again just as it began to build. "I made popcorn—well I haven't yet, but we can do it now," I teased him, before grabbing his hand and pulling him into the kitchen.

He groaned with feigned frustration, but allowed me to pull him along.

Like the complete gentleman that Jazz was … most of the time, he microwaved the popcorn as I sat on the counter chatting to him.

"Um … by the way, Edward called me about thirty minutes ago," he began delicately, once he'd set the timer for the popcorn.

My mood instantly went stormy. "What did he say?" I asked lowly.

"He said he's not coming home tonight. He knew what would happen with you, if he did ..." Jazz answered, before creasing his forehead as though he was preparing himself for an impact.

I scoffed and blurted, "Damn straight, the coward!"

"I asked him what he'd done, since you were ready to kill him, and he told me that you should ask Bella," he explained, practically cringing away from me this time, as if I was going to attack him.

I almost did!

"He said _WHAT?_!" I screeched. I jumped off the counter, snatched up the phone that hung on the kitchen wall and dialed Edward's number as I fumed. My hands were shaking with the sheer velocity of my anger.

Again, voice mail.

"You are a complete and utter idiot, Edward. You are living proof that man can live without a brain!" I yelled into the receiver before slamming it back again and whipping around with my arms crossed.

Jazz was gazing at me with a small skeptical smile on his lips. "So I see that overreacting runs in the family," he muttered to himself, his expression turning to amusement.

I quirked my eyebrow at him as my anger dissipated. "Oh really? Would you like me to over react on you, Jazzy?" I teased him, dropping my eyelids for emphasis.

His expression turned playful. "Oh, God, yes."

"Tell me where and when and I'm yours," I replied, continuing with the seduction, and smiling fractionally to myself.

The microwave beeped, and Jazz grabbed the bag of popcorn then grabbed my hand, pulling me back into the living room with him.

"Come, Alley cat, and give me a good dose of it," he spoke into my ear, his voice growing gravelly before he kissed the top of my head affectionately.

Jazz's randomly picked DVDs threatened to be so dull that we barely made it past the opening credits; as I suspected was his motive for picking them. I was half way through tugging his shirt over his head when I was suddenly overwhelmed by concentrated amounts of aggravation.

I shoved him off me rather angrily, leaving him in incredibly adorable bewilderment, before I raced up the stairs to retrieve my phone. I couldn't relax until I told Edward exactly what was on my mind; otherwise, it would bug the hell out of me and threaten to ruin the whole night.

"When you come home you're dead, Edward_. _You giant, big, fucking _pussy_!"

I stood in angry consternation for a few moments before I looked up and noticed Jazz standing in the doorway grinning at me with amusement mingled with slight impatience.

"Got it out of your system now?" he asked me, raising his eyebrows and looking too gorgeous for me to be so distracted by my idiot brother.

"I think so," I said giving him a sheepish shrug. I walked over to him and leaned up on my toes to kiss him tenderly but briefly on the lips. "Sorry."

He rolled his eyes and sighed, scratching the top of his head. I smiled apologetically at him before pulling him back down the stairs by his un-tucked shirt. I took my cell with me; just in case.

This time I pushed him on the sofa and climbed on him, straddling his lap as I tried my best to stay focused on him, but it was no good. Not even his warm, enticing fingers inching there way under my shirt could hold my focus. I pulled out of his kiss and ran my hands through my hair.

"I'm sorry, Jazzy—damn it!" I suddenly yelled in frustration.

He closed his eyes and groaned to himself

I picked up my phone again. "God Damn it, Edward. Answer your phone, you coward!" I hollered angrily into it.

In one lightning fast movement, that completely surprised me, Jazz grabbed me around the waist and pulled me back over to the sofa with him.

"Alley, we're missing the movie, and I'm getting really pissed!" he teased me, showing too much good-nature than I deserved. He leaned in slowly, with his eyes twinkling wickedly, and kissed me again. This time it was heated with a little more force. I melted into him with a long humming sigh, allowing Edward to drift from my consciousness.

"No ... more ... douche bag ... Edward," he murmured between long, tender kisses.

"Mmm-hmm," was my reply as I allowed our kissing to grow in intensity without breaking it off.

Jazz laid me back into the sofa, his searing lips traveling from my face down to my shoulders, slipping my bra strap down as he went. I sighed deeply, my body tingling with an undercurrent of energy. Pulling him back to my lips again, I tugged his shirt up, trailing my fingers up his stomach playfully. He pulled away, his muscles flinching, and half chuckled, his eyes burning midnight blue with longing.

Pulling his shirt fully over his head, he tossed it on the ground, before doing the same with mine. I kissed his face all over teasingly, before I broke away to kiss the burning smooth skin of his shoulders and chest; running my lips and nose along the contours of his rock hard, tensing muscles. Jazz fumbled, rather unsuccessfully, to unclasp my bra, continuing to kiss my shoulder and neck as he did.

My cell suddenly beeped with a message alert. I sat upright and stared at it as it lit up, vibrating on the coffee table. I made a move to get it, but Jazz held me back.

"Nope," he breathed in my ear. "Not letting you."

I chuckled. "Jazz, let me get it."

"Nu-uh," was his reply, he turned me back and kissed me again, my lips curved into a knowing smile, while his mouth was pressed stubbornly to mine.

I gently pushed against his bare chest. "Jazzy, you know it'll drive me crazy. Just let me get it, and then I promise I'll turn it off."

He thought about it for a moment before conceding. "Okay." He sighed with exaggerated frustration before he covered his face with his hands, pretending to sob with sexual frustration.

I grinned at him and rolled my eyes with affection, before picking up my cell and clicking open the message. It _was_ from Edward:

**Alice, quit giving me a hard time. I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG!**

"You have _got_ to be kidding me!" I exclaimed in furious disbelief. "Nothing wrong—_NOTHING WRONG_?"

I immediately went to reply, but Jazz quickly grabbed my cell from my hand and held it up over his head, out of my reach.

"Jazz, not funny! Give me my phone!" I demanded, feeling my emotions slide into the irrational.

He grinned using a smile I normally couldn't resist. "Nope," he replied lightly. Wrapping his free arm around my shoulders and pulling me against his bare chest, he kissed me teasingly before attempting to turn it heated.

I broke away, it was not an easy thing to do, but my present irritation at Edward was currently overshadowing everything else.

"Jazzy, I've got to reply," I insisted.

"No, you don't," he insisted. I could see by the deepened shade of his eyes that he was getting more frustrated; not that I could blame him—hell, I was frustrated as well.

"Please, Jazzy?" I pleaded using one of my looks that _he_ usually couldn't resist.

He remained unmoved and continued shaking his head.

I folded my arms. "He majorly fucked up—Jesus! Bella is my best friend! All you guys are the same!" I burst angrily.

Jazz only gazed at me for a moment, eyeing me cynically, before eventually breaking into a grin. I rolled my eyes, used to the fact that he usually regarded any angry outbursts from me with amusement.

He suddenly sighed, shaking his head as he did, then lowered my phone from above his head, but instead of handing it to me he began dialing.

"Dude, seriously, call Alice so she can have it out with you, 'cause at this rate I'm never gonna get laid!"

I threw him a discernible smirk, raising my brow at him, while I fought back the grin. "And who said you were getting anything of the kind?"

He pouted at me again, took a step closer, and encircled me in his arms—my cell beeped loudly, making us both jump in surprise.

"I probably just seriously pissed him off," Jazz said with a grin before opening my phone to read the message. His grin broadened and he broke into a soft chuckle. "Yep."

I sighed taking the phone from his hands and read the message:

**Are you fucking kidding me? Do you want me to rip your throat out?**

"Oh typical! _This _he replies to," I snapped, quickly texting a reply, telling Edward if he wanted to kill my boyfriend he'd have to get through me first, but since he was too much of a pussy to face me, his whole threat was laughable at best.

"Okay, Alley, no more! You're killing me," Jazz burst, taking my phone from me and switching it off, before putting it down his pants—his grin turning cheeky. "If you want it back, you have to come and get it."

I flashed him a gentle teasing smile and gazed up at him through my lashes. "Take me to my room, Jazzy, so I can overreact on you."

He half carried me, half stumbled up the stairs, while we kissed feverishly, my legs wrapped tightly around his waist as I clung to him. His skin began to burn beneath my fingers.

"Alley, I can't see a freaking thing. Where am I going?" he murmured, breaking into a soft laugh as we reached the pitch black of the second floor.

I kissed him heatedly, deepening it further and pressing my naked chest to his.

"End of the hall," I murmured, running my hands through his hair and opening my mouth to him with even greater yearning.

He groaned softly and continued stumbling blindly until he reached my room.

"Close the door, Jazzy," I whispered to him, nuzzling his ear with my nose before I trailed my lips, kissing his skin softly along his jaw then down to his neck. I inhaled the sexy as all hell scent of his aftershave, feeling the current of heated desire within me burn to the surface of my skin with a tangible energy.

He turned around and kicked the door closed clumsily, with me still in his arms clinging to him.

"I love you, Alley," he murmured, before pressing his lips to mine again, kissing me with feverish, lingering emotion. I could feel his heart hammering against my chest, pounding and joining in rhythm with mine.

"I love you too, Jazzy," I said softly against his lips, feeling his breath washing hotly over my face. "Don't be a … gentleman this time," I added breathlessly, losing myself against his mouth once again.

…

I woke up the next morning stretching widely and grinning to myself with as much vigor. The events of the previous night were still prominently in my mind, making me feel all the more fuzzy and warm. I rolled over then flinched from the sting that pierced the skin of my shoulder. I half sat up rubbing it quizzically, before realizing that I'd rolled onto Jazzy's rose that he'd left on my spare pillow, along with a folded note.

I picked it up, my smile broadening as my thoughts returned to Jazz and our night together, before I unfolded and read it.

**Pixie Pie,**

**Thank you for tonight. I love you more than anything in this world.**

**Your Jazzy.**

I drew in my breath deeply, exhaling with contentment, then let myself flop back against my pillow. Closing my eyes, I wrapped my arms around myself, still smelling Jazz everywhere around me.

I allowed myself a moment to be engulfed by the delirium of still being post climactic, before I rather energetically sprang from my bed with a new vitality in my step.

I had a long, hot shower, then threw on my discarded clothes from the night before and ran my hands through my hair. It was all I really needed to do with it; it wasn't long enough yet to get tangled enough to need a hair brush.

I walked out of my room to head downstairs for breakfast, suddenly realizing how famished I was. Jazz and I hadn't eaten a thing the previous night, not even the popcorn we'd made.

However, as soon as I walked into the hall, I was instantly reminded of Edward. Immediately, I turned my step toward his room, my mood dropping to irritation in mere seconds.

"I wouldn't bother; he's still not home," Emmett spoke up as a passing comment but stopped dead in front of me and gave me a scrutinizing look; his eyes narrowing until he looked almost pissed.

I wasn't in the mood to engage him in his mind games just then; I had bigger fish to fry. I marched back into my bedroom and grabbed my cell phone.

"Remind me to beat the living crap out of Jazz," he suddenly grumbled, sounding only half joking.

"What? You don't know what you're talking about," I shot back at him as I dialed Edward's cell again. Considering how much I was distracted by my present anger with Edward, I was pretty sure that I'd convinced Emmett that he was delusional regarding his suspicions about Jazz and I. Plus, I was too mad to blush.

"Edward, still not home I see! Well, if I said anything yesterday that I should be sorry for—_I'm glad_!" I bellowed into the phone, which made Emmett scoff and mutter something about freaky evil twins.

"And another thing," I added, my tone growing louder and more irate, "Jazz and I had a great time last night. _All. Night. long_!"

A loud groan drew my attention to Emmett again as he disappeared down the stairs. "Oh yeah, I'll be kicking his ass tonight." I heard him say more or less to himself.

"Boys should be drowned at birth!" I yelled back to him, hearing a faint chuckle in response.

I rolled my eyes, shrugging my irksome mood away before following Emmett downstairs, my stomach protesting loudly in hunger.

"Hi, honey," mom said cheerfully as I walked into the kitchen. She came over to kiss me affectionately on the cheek, tucking a strand of my hair out of my eyes.

I grinned. "Hi, mom."

I sat down at the breakfast table, poured myself a bowl of cereal and munched it slowly. Carlisle walked in the room a few moments later and sat beside me.

"Good morning, Alice," he spoke in his usual professional consultation voice—even on Saturday mornings at the breakfast table—flashing me a warm smile.

I had a mouth full of cereal so all I could manage was a grin in reply.

"You look all bright and cheerful today," he commented before opening his newspaper and laying it on his crossed knees to read.

"You do, Alice," mom commented with a smile as she laid a cup of coffee in front of Carlisle and sat opposite me at the table.

"That's generally the idea after a night of getting laid," Emmett said walking into the room, smirking at me devilishly, just as I inhaled several apple jacks into my windpipe and began violently choking and spluttering—only to have my lungs collapse a moment later as the great ape pounded on my back.

Once I'd gained some kind of composure, I shot him a look of angry mortification, but mom's obvious reaction told me that—thankfully—she took his comment with a copious amount of skepticism.

"Emmett, for the love of … please no more _laid_ jokes at my table! If that's okay?" she exclaimed in exasperation.

I half huffed, half cleared my throat and pulled myself quickly together, before taking a huge gulp of orange juice to calm my spasmodic throat.

"Are you okay, Alice?" Carlisle asked, peaking at me from behind his paper, in his perpetually calm manner.

I only nodded and cleared my throat again weakly.

Mom sighed shaking her head to herself, a hint of a smile twitching at her lips as she watched Emmett raid the refrigerator. She sighed again this time smiling warmly before rolling her eyes and turning her attention to me again.

"What _did _you and Jasper get up to last night?" she asked me, as if Emmett's notion was completely inconceivable.

I was sure everyone thought that just because I was a fair amount vertically challenged, I'd stopped aging to even things out. Mom definitely saw me as eleven—at the most; I was sure of it.

"We watched DVDs and made popcorn," I answered with a casual shrug. It sounded innocent enough, I thought to myself as a small secretive smile spread slowly to my lips. It turned to a scowl a moment later, thanks to Emmett's obnoxious snort from inside the refrigerator. I sighed inwardly, seriously entertaining the idea of slashing the tires to his car.

As much as I complained about it, it was very convenient that mom saw me as still an eleven year old. It gave me immunity against several of her anal-retentive rules. For instance, she would never have gone out and left Jazz and I alone in the house otherwise. It definitely wouldn't last too much longer if Emmett refused to take his foot out of his mouth. Mom wasn't in that much denial when it came to me, and although I was given a few more allowances than the boys, I was sure that having sex with my boyfriend in my bedroom was not one of them.

I finished my breakfast quickly and left, not wanting to be around in case mom decided to reflect on Emmett's ramblings and came to one or more conclusions that ended up with her and I in the family planning clinic together. I shuddered at the thought, but I missed the opportunity to scope out where Edward and his pea-sized brain had spent the night. In a way, I was glad; I was getting tired of getting so riled up over him. But not worrying about my twin brother was a skill that I had not yet mastered.

I finished off my homework during the rest of the morning before Jazzy called around lunch. I curled up on the sofa and chatted with him for a while before calling Bella. She wasn't home; her uncle informed me that she'd gone to Port Angeles with Jake. I hung up folding my arms and sighing to myself suddenly with angry frustration, knowing that if Edward hadn't royally screwed it up, Bella would be in Port Angeles with him instead.

I released my breath again, this time in a loud huff; I was so sick of allowing him to impede on my life.

cont...

* * *

**A/N: Horny little devils!**


	13. The Party

**A/N: Put on your seatbelts, folks.**

* * *

**Chapter 13**

**The Party**

**Alice's POV**

Jazz picked me up for Rob's party at seven-thirty on the dot, pulling up in his battered but sexy as all hell red 1965 Ford Mustang. I jumped into the passenger side, leaning over to meet his very tender but brief greeting kiss.

"You look sexy, Alley cat," he whispered in my ear, before kissing me quickly on the cheek and starting the engine. His car roared loudly to life before he drove down the winding driveway with one hand gripping the steering wheel; the other he rested idly on my knee.

It took only a few minutes to drive to the party, and by the time we arrived it was already in full swing. The road for fifty yards either side was littered with parked cars—legally or otherwise—and kids were piling in and out of the house as loud music blared and echoed up and down the street.

I noticed, while Jazz searched for somewhere to park, Bella's red Jeep Cherokee. I also noticed the lack of a certain silver Volvo and sighed to myself with relief.

"You haven't heard from Edward again have you?" I asked Jazz, as he took my hand and led me quickly from the car into the crowds of kids on the front lawn to escape the chill wind.

He shook his head. "Nope and, Alley, no talk of douche-bag tonight, okay? He's a big boy, he can take care of himself," he replied, flashing his sexy smile at me and adding tender affection to it until my stomach squirmed. Releasing his hand from mine, he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close.

"Well okay, as long as you promise to properly distract me?" I teased him coyly.

"You can count on that," he leaned down and murmured in my ear, a broad, horny grin plastered on his chiseled features.

I chuckled and wrapped my arm around his waist, snuggling further against him.

It was fair to say that most of the juniors, seniors and as well as a huge slice of sophomores from Forks High School were crammed in the house. Jazz and I could barely move; in fact we had to slide sideways to get between everyone.

"Find somewhere to sit, Alley. I'll get us a drink," he yelled in my ear.

I nodded and glanced around me. I quickly spotted Bella sitting alone on a sofa by the far side of the living room. I made my way over to her, and as I approached she looked up, met my eyes and smiled broadly. She was actually dressed in one of the outfits she'd bought when we were in Port Angeles recently—skinny jeans, knee high boots and a tan sweater. It actually showed that Bella had a figure under all the layers of clothes she usually wore; she still looked like she was freezing her tits off, though.

"I'm so glad you're here, Als," she spoke loudly to be heard above the music, and with obvious relief. " I don't know anyone but Jake and Ness and well … you can see for yourself how that's going," she added wryly, motioning to her cousin and his girlfriend, who were busy getting hot and heated in a not so secluded corner.

I chuckled and sat down next to her, sighing in disbelief and shaking my head to myself. "It's crazy in here, but I'm glad you came too, girl! How is everything?"

She shrugged. "Yeah okay … status quo…" Her eyes flashed with hope before they brightened again—as much as eyes as deep as Bella's could brighten, that is.

I nodded slowly in thought; she was obviously referring to Kel. "Well, sometimes that's good news, huh?"

She nodded in agreement and managed a half smile.

"I rang your house today but your uncle said you were out with Jake?" I asked.

She nodded again. "Yeah, I got my mo—cell phone. Wanna see?" Her brow shot up with a sincere amount of enthusiasm. She reached into her bag and held it out for my inspection.

"Whoa, Bells, an iPhone! You cool dude," I teased her warmly.

She grinned and shrugged with one shoulder a little self-consciously. "What's your number again, Al?"

We exchanged cell phone numbers and chatted for a while. Jazz didn't return with our drinks, but knowing Jazzy he probably ran into someone and got distracted; especially if he knew I was hanging with Bella.

Bella showed me some songs by _Aussie _bands that she liked. It aggravated me to no end, and there was no way I could ever tell her, but she definitely had Edward's taste in music. They were too angsty and ballady for my liking, but exactly like Edward. I sighed inwardly, hoping she didn't notice.

She did.

"Too daggy?" she asked me, her cheeks coloring slightly, misinterpreting my body language.

I chuckled and shook my head. "No, not_ daggy_ at all."

It was so ridiculously crowded that Bella and I were pretty much trapped on the sofa, and I suspected she was secretly relieved for it. I suggested we dance at one point, and the look of horror that crossed Bella's face was almost jocular. So, with no choice but to remain stranded where we were, we lost ourselves in chatting; with all conversation meticulously kept Edward-free.

After about forty minutes or so, Jazz arrived back on the scene with our drinks; as sweet as he was he even brought a beer for Bella. She received it with thanks her cheek color plateauing, before she placed it discreetly at her feet a few moments later.

Bella didn't drink. She'd confessed to me prior to the party that she didn't drink because she didn't want to be like her mother. I found it incredibly hard to believe that she could ever be anything like her mother, considering the few small details she'd given of her, but I understood her reasoning. Because of this though, I suspected she felt very left out and uncomfortable at things like parties. She stuck out like a sore thumb the minute I'd seen her, sitting straight as a pole and probably just as stiff. Her shoulders were drawn together as though she was protecting herself from being knocked about from the crowd, while her hands were clasped tightly in her lap.

It was ironic though, because if anyone needed a reason to relax, it was Bella.

Jazz squashed himself next to me on the sofa before pulling me onto his lap. I kept up my conversation with Bella for a while before Jazz became a little too hard to handle. Bella grinned discernibly to herself then with exaggerated casualness, she turned to talk to Angela, a girl from our year who was possibly shyer than she was.

"Let's go find a nice quiet place for two, Pixie Pie," Jazz murmured in my ear, his hot breath tickling my neck, causing the hairs to stand on end.

"Let's dance for a while," I replied tickling his earlobe with my pinky finger, making him cringe. Chuckling, I climbed off his lap, pulling him up with me.

Jazz and I danced for no more than two minutes at best before we were making out more than we were dancing. At some point he'd dragged me to a quieter place, where I felt more comfortable to heat it up with him. It soon turned _too _heated, though, and I quickly realized I'd allowed him to get too carried away.

"Jazzy ... let's get a ... drink," I managed to say, while his lips were pressed hotly over mine. I gently pulled his hands out from under my top, kissing his fingers tenderly.

"A drink..." he murmured blankly as if he had no idea what I'd just spoken, before he leaned back in to kiss my neck.

It was so easy to get lost in the moment with Jazz, but it was getting to a tasteless level.

Gently I pushed him back. "Drink, Jazz ... please?" I asked smiling at him in a way I knew he couldn't resist.

He sighed and blinked a few times, before closing his eyes, half sighing, half groaning to himself, a goofy intoxicated grin on his face. He turned to walk back into the crowd when I quickly pulled him back, making sure he was facing me.

"What?" He grinned, his eyebrows knotting.

"Stay here for a moment, babe, and ... think about ..._ baseball._"

His eyes widened; he glanced down at his straining crotch and broke into a chuckle.

"Oh ..." he mumbled, his chuckling continuing as he bent his face into my neck again. His lips connected with my skin, sending bolts of heat through my veins, making it almost impossible to gain my bearings and push him gently back. But I somehow managed to.

"Baseball, Jazzy!" I teased him sternly.

He nodded. "Okay ... baseball..." he mumbled closing his eyes again, a small grin spreading slowly across his face.

After a moment or two, Jazz was _calm_ enough again to be led out of isolation, and we found our way into the kitchen.

With everyone flocking in and out to the refrigerator, the kitchen was a lot more crowded than the living areas. Jazz and I had to wait a few moments in a queue before we could get any more drinks.

Jazz was behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist, kissing my neck and whispering silly half-drunken things in my ear, when he suddenly whipped me around and pressed his lips to mine in a rushed, panicked sort of way that was very unlike him.

I pushed myself back in confusion. "Jazz, what are you doing?" I exclaimed, feeling my forehead knot as I watched his face become uneasy.

It was then that I saw what he obviously did not want me to see.

Edward was standing in the room, only a few feet away from us, with bleary, bloodshot eyes, practically swaying where he stood, with Jessica Stanley in his arms. She was basically molesting him, but Edward seemed totally indifferent to it.

"_What. The. FUCK!_" I swore loudly, the words flying out of my mouth before I had another moment to think. "Oh no he didn't!" I exclaimed feeling my face suddenly flash hotly with growing anger.

It was at that moment that Edward looked over toward me. His face was blotchy and his hair was untidier than usual. I wasn't sure how much alcohol he'd consumed, but I was guessing it was a fair amount. As he met my gaze, his eyes half rolled in irritation.

I was on the verge of throwing him a threatening scowl, when something caught his attention and he swiftly looked away, staring past me. He seemed to freeze, unable to look away, his entire face contorting with pain and revulsion. I turned to follow his gaze but with my height, I saw nothing but the crowds of people milling around. I turned back, and as I watched him, I felt my forehead crease with a curiosity that soon grew grave—despite my annoyance at him. There was something about his expression that made my heart quicken in fear for him. He continued to stand stock still, his face paling, and the muscles in his jaw turning rigid. Then slowly, his expression clouded before it twisted into anger. He turned back around in one angry motion, grabbed a bottle of vodka that stood on the kitchen counter, then took Jessica's hand and pulled her behind him through the crowds.

Hastily, I moved forward to follow him, never in my whole life feeling this angry and ashamed of my brother, when Jazz grabbed me around the waist, preventing me from taking another step.

"Alley, I know you're angry at him but it might have to wait; maybe to a time when Bella isn't sitting ten feet away," Jazz spoke, his tone reflecting a rare seriousness.

I exhaled every last molecule of air from my lungs and nodded in agreement. Still, I was unable to tear my eyes away from Edward as he moved through the crowd, even when the only recognizable thing about him was his messy mop of hair.

When he was eventually lost from my sight, I turned back to Jazz.

"We'd better get Bella out of here," I said, rubbing my forehead slowly and closing my eyes momentarily in exasperation.

Jazz nodded in agreement, his eyes scanning through the crowds before he turned back to me. "Yeah, but right now we might have to rescue her."

He turned me in the direction to best see through the crowds. Bella was lying backwards on the sofa with Mike Newton flush on top of her, pressing his lips to hers, while Bella's hands gripped his arms tightly. I continued to stare, mutely, oddly for a moment, trying to work out why the picture of them together made my skin crawl. When in the next moment Bella angrily shoved Mike off her.

It became clear then; Mike was drunk and Bella was not a willing participant.

It all fell into place as my heart sank with sudden realization. This was what Edward had witnessed just a moment ago; missing the vital part that Bella was being assaulted.

"Oh God, he's really going to believe it now," I muttered, pushing myself forward through the crowd as Jazz followed close behind with both his hands on my waist protectively.

Bella had shoved Mike off her and was attempting to escape the sofa, her face scarlet from anger and indignation.

"Get away from me, you wanker!" she exclaimed, but Mike only jumped on her again, forcing her backwards on the sofa, and laughing as though Bella was teasing him.

I was about six feet from Bella, preparing myself to jump on Newton's back when Emmett casually walked over to him, grabbed him rather comically by the back of his collar and tossed him across the room with incredible, jaw dropping ease. All without spilling a single drop of his drink that he held in his other hand. Mike crashed into the wall and fell into a drunken semi-conscious heap.

Emmett then flopped himself beside Bella and took a casual sip of his drink, a wide grin appearing on his face. "How's it going, Bella? You okay?"

I huffed out my relief, shaking my head in wonder. Emmett definitely came in handy sometimes...

Bella broke into a grateful smile, quickly righting herself on the sofa. "I am now. Thank you, Emmett."

"No problem." He winked at her in response.

I plonked down next to Bella while Jazz sat on the arm of the sofa beside me.

"You okay, Bella—what a jerk!" I exclaimed.

She looked more embarrassed than angry, and frustrated even more than that; her face was flushing deeply.

"Yeah," she muttered eying Mike with exacerbation, who was drunkenly trying to get to his feet, before she exhaled shortly.

"So, Bella?" Emmett suddenly piped up with a wicked smirk on his face. "Tell me what my doofus brother did to piss you off this time? Did he run Jacob over in that pussy, piece of shit Swedish made car of his?"

Bella paused for a moment, opening and closing her mouth several times looking uneasy. Her cheeks started to go blotchy, just as they were recovering from the Mike incident. I piped up with my plan in time to save her from the agony of having to answer.

"Bella, I've got an idea. Do you want to have a girl's night at your place? I don't know about you, but I'm kind of over this party," I suggested it with forced enthusiasm, hoping I sounded genuine.

I could practically measure her relief as she sighed deeply. "That'd be great, Al. Good idea."

I almost sighed from relief along with her. "Cool. Do you want to go now?" I asked her, raising my eyebrows, emphasizing my eagerness.

She nodded before her expression faltered. "Okay, but I'd better find Jake and make sure that he and Nessie have a way of getting home."

I almost groaned, before Jazz piped up, "I saw Jacob out front about five minutes ago, Bella."

Of course he hadn't, but it was genius. If Bella went in search of Jake, chances were that she'd run into Edward. I shuddered to think how that would play out.

I turned to Jazz and smiled at him affectionately. I would definitely be rewarding him for that one. He grinned down at me, winking and without being able to resist I pulled him down to kiss him impulsively. Beside us, Emmett groaned, then got up off the sofa and disappeared into the crowd.

Grinning to myself, I turned back to Bella. "Okay, Bella, you go out and talk to Jake and I'll meet you at your car in, say … five minutes?"

She nodded and pulled herself off the lounge, before weaving her way through the crowds in the direction of the front door.

I turned quickly to Jazz. "You look for him upstairs, Jazzy, I'll look down here. It shouldn't be too hard to find him, going by the size of him."

I preferred that arrangement; I didn't really fancy the idea of running into my jackass brother utilizing one of the upstairs bedrooms with skanky Jessica Stanley.

He grinned at me knowingly and nodded, leaning over quickly to kiss me on the forehead. "Okay."

After searching every inch of spare space on the ground floor, I was confident Jacob wasn't there. More than likely he was upstairs with Nessie, I thought with a sigh, and headed for the stairs to check if Jazz had found him.

I was only about half way up when I was practically knocked over backwards by Bella. She was racing down the stairs in such a panicked way, that it was obvious something was very wrong.

I no doubt wouldn't need her to draw me a picture, I thought with an internal groan.

I grabbed her shoulders to steady her, before she fell the rest of the way down. "Bella, what is it?" I asked anxiously, knowing very well what, but continuing to hold out on the hope that it was something else entirely.

I was completely naive, because there was only one person that could hurt Bella like this at the moment.

She looked up and met my gaze. Her face was a perfect picture of dismay, and I was instantly filled with dread.

_Oh fuck!_

"I-I-I've got to get out of here!" she blurted, her voice beyond any rationality.

She turned to continue down the stairs again in a way that was practically suicidal considering her level of coordination, when I grabbed her hand.

"Okay, Bella, I'll come with you. Just wait one second, okay?" I replied, practically pleading with her, with more than a hint of desperation in my voice.

She reacted as if she hadn't heard me. Pulling her hand free from mine she continued down the stairs, only to trip and land unscathed, thankfully, in Emmett's arms; who'd been about to scale the stairs himself.

"Are you okay, Bella?" he asked her, his tone concerned.

Without answering, she shook herself out of the steadying grip he had on her and continued toward the front door. I continued to watch as she shoved through the crowds of people, with her hands up around her head, as if protecting herself from both physical and emotional harm.

Emmett looked up at me in bewilderment, but I could see the exasperation that began creeping behind his eyes. They practically blared _Edward_!

With a measured, barely controlled breath, feeling every muscle in my body turn rigid with growing anger, I whipped myself around in the direction of the second floor and stormed up the rest of the way.

The first door I passed on the landing was ajar. I caught a glimpse of Edward inside, and with my anger pushing me forward, I burst into the room without a second thought.

Edward was standing up against the wall, or more the wall was holding him up, and Jessica was in the midst of undoing his pants. They both turned to stare at me in surprise as I entered, Edward groaning in annoyance.

"You," I pointed an accusing finger at Jessica, "_OUT_!" I ordered, but she stood her ground with a small, smug smile on her lips.

Practically growling in angry frustration, I grabbed her arm and hurled her through the open door before slamming it shut again and turning back to Edward.

I snatched the half-full bottle of vodka from his hands. He opened his mouth sluggishly to protest, but I slapped him across the face so hard that the stinging sound of it echoed through the room, stunning him into silence. His eyes met mine shining with so much shock and pain that I almost faltered—almost!

"What is the matter with you?" I demanded angrily.

"Me?" What the hell is the matter with you, Alice?" he hollered back his words slurring and running together, his face twisting with angry, hurt affliction.

I held up the vodka bottle in emphasis and huffed. "What are you doing, Edward?"

"What does it look like?" he slurred sarcastically. "I thought that was obvious. I'm getting wasted."

"_Getting_ wasted?" I retorted, arching an eyebrow with disgust, and shaking my head, so mad at him that I wanted to slap him again. "I can't believe you, Edward. Do you realize what you've done to Bella—_again_?"

"_Bella_?" He practically snorted in disgust; only his eyes immediately contradicted him. "Why do you care so much about Bella for?" Whether he was aware of it or not, his tone had suddenly turned defeated, while his gravelly voice was laced with pain. But, his reply had only made me angrier.

"Because Bella is the only person—other than Jazz and Rose—who doesn't treat me like I have some kind of contagious disease. And in case you've forgotten, she's going through quite a bit at the moment, and here you are again hurting her, with the one person who completely humiliated her on her first day of school—well apart from _you_ that is!" I shot back at him, my voice rising with every anger-filled word that I spoke until I was yelling.

"Bella doesn't give a shit about me. She has that weasel, _Newton!_" he blurted, resentment twisting his expression again, while the pain behind his eyes remained constant.

I folded my arms and snorted at his remark irately. "Maybe she'd be better off with _Mike Newton_, but she doesn't want him because she's _in love with YOU_!" I replied, continuing to yell at him, while wanting to start punching him for his own stupidity.

Edward reacted as if I'd slapped him again. He began blinking suddenly confused, his face growing steadily pale. "But … but she went out with him after she was at our house Thursday …" he mumbled, shaking his head to himself as if trying to reassemble the pieces of a puzzle in his head; pieces of a puzzle that up until this moment were in the wrong place.

"I know," I whispered in reply, almost pitying him. How badly he had got it wrong. "I was the one that told her to go. She didn't want to; I told her it'd get her mind off things. She didn't go with _Mike_, Edward, she went with Jake and Nessie. The asshole, Mike, just tagged along," I explained to him, my voice growing with annoyance again. "She likes Mike so much that she was shoving him off her not ten minutes ago when he all but attacked her."

I should _not_ have had to explain! He should have found out the truth before he'd acted!

Edward repositioned himself against the wall, his movements slow and unsteady. He ran his hands through his already disheveled hair, exhaling into a huge shaky sigh. His forehead creased pitifully with sudden pain and remorse; he was obviously beginning to realize the enormity of his mistake.

At that moment, and without warning, the door burst open. I turned half expecting to see Jessica, but it was Jacob and the look on his face was murderous. My heart literally lunged into my throat. He took one look at Edward, stepped inside the room, threw his arm back and punched him squarely in the face with a sickening thud. Edward went sprawling backwards, losing his footing and landing flat on his back.

"_JESUS_!" Edward exclaimed loudly before he sluggishly pulled himself to his feet with the aid of the bed. "Fuck!"

He stood up shakily, with blood trickling from an obvious deep cut just above his left eye. Jacob took another step closer to him, but I reached out to stop him, grabbing him by the back of his shirt and pulling him back.

"Jacob, don't," I pleaded with him seriously, before adding with a sigh. "You might want to postpone this until Edward isn't so drunk."

I prayed silently that he'd see the sense in it, because there was no way I'd be able to hold him back from beating the crap out of Edward if he wanted to.

He seemed to contemplate it for a moment before he looked back at Edward with a dark, hatred-filled expression. "If you ever come near Bella again—if you so much as look at her by _accident_, I'll be there, _Cullen, _and next time there'll be no family members to help you."

"_Fuck you, Jacob_!" Edward spat back, swaying unsteadily on his feet before slumping into the wall again.

Jacob sneered at him, but turned his back and exited the room without another reply.

"I'm sorry to say this, Edward, but you deserved that," I spoke quietly to him, dropping my eyes to the floor momentarily. It hurt me to see my brother in this condition; in this much pain.

Edward sighed and turned his head, deliberately avoiding me. His face was pale and his expression distraught—there was no hiding that from me. I could see it not only in his expression, but in his posture. He was defeated.

With his back turned, he put his palm to his eye and withdrew it again to inspect the level of blood. His whole hand was smeared with it. I exhaled into a long weary sigh.

What the hell was I going to do with him?

Jazz bolted in to the room suddenly with an anxious look on his face, but after a quick survey of the scene before him, his expression calmed. "Looks like he got here before me," he mused, more or less to himself. I gave him a funny look and he elaborated, "Bella found Jacob—or more Jacob found Bella, _after_ she found..." he broke off and motioned to Edward with a slight incline of his head.

I sighed and nodded in understanding

"Jesus, douche-bag, you're a mess," Jazz observed, gazing at Edward, his tone only half teasing.

Edward sat himself clumsily down on the edge of the bed and buried his face in his hands. "Screw you ... Jazz," was his muffled reply from behind his hands. His words were increasingly slurred and his movements even more sluggish. He was about a minute from unconsciousness.

I turned with guilt-ridden reluctance to Jazz. "I'm going to go to Bella's and see how she is. Can you look after this big idiot for me and make sure he gets home all right?"

Jazz sighed then nodded, pulling his keys from his jeans pocket. "Take my car, I'll get Emmett to take Edward home and I'll drive his Volvo."

I took his keys from him and flashed him a warm, grateful smile, pulling him down to kiss him tenderly. "Thanks, Jazzy. I love you," I whispered into his ear.

Edward slumped suddenly from the bed onto the floor, his eyes closed, as a soft, tortured moan escaped his lips.

Jazz groaned to himself. "I'd better haul his ass to the bathroom," he said with a wary sigh.

I kissed Jazz once more quickly on the cheek before I turned and hurried down stairs and out the front door.

As soon as the icy wind of the open air hit me, I began to become plagued by an unnerving feeling. I shrugged it off contributing it to seeing Edward in the condition I had; it was only natural that I'd be concerned for him. I left it at that and pushed it to the back of my mind. My main concern at that moment was for Bella, and going from the look on her face as she left the party, I could only imagine the state I'd find her in once I got to her house.

* * *

**A/N: Poor Edward ... I really feel sorry for him in this chapter. In the next ... oye...**


	14. My Brother Edward

**A/N: I have a really bad feeling about this one...**

* * *

**Chapter 14**

**My Brother Edward**

**Alice's POV**

It took only a few minutes to reach the Swan residence. Bella's jeep was parked out front and her bedroom window was lit up, illuminating the front lawn in a soft glow. Before I got out of the car, I got my cell phone out and dialed Jazz. I couldn't shake the horrible feeling, and I knew I wouldn't be able to relax in any kind of sense until my mind was at ease.

"What's up, Alley?" Jazz's deep voice spoke through the receiver after the first ring, with undisguised affection.

I had to push away the star struck sigh that wanted to escape through my lips and concentrate on my concerns at hand. "I'm a bit worried about Edward, Jazz. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, he's okay. Emmett's gonna take him home—when he finishes puking his guts up, that is," Jazz answered with obvious amusement.

I sighed with a twinge of relief despite Edward's present predicament.

"Okay, thanks, Jazzy. I'll talk to you soon." I still didn't feel as assured as I'd hoped.

"Sure thing, gorgeous. Love you."

"Love you too, Jazzy," I replied warmly, managing a small smile despite myself.

As soon as I hung up, my thoughts were back to Bella. I hurried from the car and banged on the front door urgently.

"Bella?" I called to her with concern. I wasn't sure at this point if she'd even open the door for me. I'd wash my hands of the entire Cullen family if I was her.

I heard her footsteps coming down the stairs and knew instantly they were Bella's; they were so inharmonious in relation to her slight frame. I almost chuckled to myself, before the door swung open, and without a word, Bella stepped aside to allow me to enter.

She looked up at me as I brushed passed her, hugging her arms around herself, shuddering—from the cold or her present state of emotion, I couldn't tell. Her face was tearstained and pale, and her deep eyes were reflecting a very significant amount of torment.

Before I had a chance to speak she opened her mouth and spoke quietly, "You knew, didn't you, Alice? That's why you told me to go outside." She wasn't angry like I'd first thought. She wasn't anything; she seemed detached.

I nodded. "I ... saw him, just before Mike..." I explained. There was more I wanted to add but decided against it. I didn't think she'd tolerate me even speaking Edward's name, at this point.

She nodded then attempted a grateful smile. It broke across her face, forced and very fleeting. "Well thanks for trying to protect me, Als. I guess..."

I put my arm over her drawn shoulders. "Come on, you got any ice cream? I think this calls for _serious_ Baskin-Robbins."

A tub of chocolate chip cookie dough flavored ice cream and a box of tissues later, and Bella all but opened up about her feelings for Edward. It wasn't comforting. As far as I could tell she was wretchedly in love with him and almost just as pissed off.

"I'm hopeless—I never learn!" She huffed angrily, her face clouding slightly before she composed herself again. She looked like she wanted to burst into tears and punch something, simultaneously.

"No you're not, Bella," I replied with gentle vehemence. "I just wish I could tell you why Edward has been acting the way he has lately. The truth is, I don't have the slightest idea," I admitted, exhaling helplessly.

Bella shook her head, almost flinching at the mention of Edward's name. "I can't do it anymore, Alice," she admitted softly, and there was almost a trace of regret in her tone.

"Of course you can't. I totally understand that," I replied, but I was fast becoming distracted. I was finding it increasingly hard to concentrate. The nagging feeling in my mind was slowly turning to dread, and I was suddenly hearing Edward's voice clearly in my mind. There was something wrong—he was telling me he was sorry.

I stood up abruptly, cutting Bella off mid-sentence while she gazed at me in confusion.

"Are you okay, Alice?"

I shook my head, feeling my pulse begin to race with growing anxiety. "I've ... got a really horrible feeling." I looked over at her. "Bella, I just need to call Jazz for a moment, okay?"

She nodded quickly, her expression immediately puckering with concern. I walked into the kitchen dialing as I went. When Jazz answered, the tone of his voice did nothing to ease my fears.

"Jazz, tell me everything is okay?" I blurted anxiously.

There was a pause on the other end and my heart felt like it literally stopped beating.

"Alley, we can't find him," Jazz finally admitted with a somber sigh.

"What do you mean you can't find him—I thought he was out cold?" I demanded, my voice rising with both anger and alarm.

"We thought he was in the bathroom, but when Emmett went in to get him he wasn't there," he explained, but the tone of his voice was alluding to something more.

Something that made my blood run cold in my veins.

"Jazz," I whispered, my tone deadly serious, "please tell me he didn't go anywhere in his car?" There was another pause, and I felt my chest start heaving in and out in sudden panic. "_JAZZ_?!" I cried.

"Alley, don't stress, honey. We think he has—Emmett has gone to check," he answered with reassurance, but I could hear the uncertainty clearly in his voice.

"_Don't stress!_?" I exclaimed incredulously. "Find him, Jazz!" I stressed, close to tears. "Please find him!"

"We will, Alley. I promise," Jazz's tone was soft, but laced with a large degree of pessimism that was clearly evident.

I hung up the phone and dropped my head in my hands, struggling to keep optimistic, but knowing there was something very wrong. I knew it as surely as I stood in Bella's kitchen.

"Alice?" Bella's apprehensive voice from the door way startled me. I looked over at her not realizing that tears were falling freely down my cheeks until just that moment. Hastily I wiped them away, while Bella continued to stare at me her face going so pale I thought she was about to faint. "What happened?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper and wavering.

I shook my head. "I don't know. Edward's gone—they think in his car somewhere," I answered, my voice filling with anguish. I slumped down at the breakfast table feeling my legs going weak and unable to shake the feeling of dread from spreading deeper.

Bella didn't move; she looked like she was unable to. "Alice?" she spoke with a sense of urgency in her voice. "Tell me? What is it?"

I shook my head again. "I don't know, Bella, but I have a terrible feeling that Edward's in trouble," I answered her, my voice coming out in a tremor.

Bella sighed, softly at first then again deeply. "Come on, we'll go look for him," she said finally and with a resolute determination.

When I looked up she was already out the front door—without grabbing her coat. I jumped up quickly and followed her, and by the time I climbed into the front passenger seat, Bella was starting the car's engine. She pulled away; the tires spinning in the gravel noisily.

"Where do you think he'd go, Alice?" she asked me after a moment, breaking the silence.

"Seriously, Bella? I think he might come to see you," I answered her, my eyes scanning through the window out into the darkened Forks streets. I turned to gaze at her seriously, unable to shift the feeling of trepidation that had anchored itself in the pit of my stomach.

She turned to stare at me for a moment with surprise and disbelief, before she hastily looked back to the road and asked in a soft voice, "Why would he come to see me?"

"He thought you went on a date with _Newton_, Bella. I don't know what he heard, but somehow he got it in his head. I told him it wasn't true and he realized ... I think," I explained, faltering over my words. I put my palm to my forehead and closed my eyes, trying to calm myself down and think rationally. All I saw was the image of Edward's face as I slapped him. My eyes welled with tears and I bit back a sob, as panic all but flooded my senses.

"Alice!" Bella's tone was stern as she gazed at me frowning. "Stop doing that—you don't know that anything's happened yet!"

"I know. I'm sorry, Bella," I said meekly, sighing, and finding no comfort in her words.

My cell phone suddenly beeped with a message. I opened it hastily; it was a text from Jazz. My heart fell for a moment; I was hoping it was Edward. I clicked it open:

**Alley, just called your house, he's not there, we're still looking, don't worry, he'll be okay.**

I read it and threw my cell back in my purse in frustration. If truth be told, I was starting to get angry that Edward would do this, and make me worry so much.

Bella turned to me with a hopeful expression.

"Jazz; Edward's not at home," I explained flatly.

Bella and I drove through every back street of Forks finding them dark and undisturbed. We were just about to give up and go back to her house when the next street we turned down, we were immediately confronted by the flashing lights of a police cruiser.

From beside me Bella sucked in her breath, and whispered in a stricken tone, "Oh God..."

For a moment, I couldn't comprehend what was in front of me, but then suddenly it hit me with the force of an explosion. My heart began hammering loudly and erratically within my chest as I stared in disbelieving horror at the scene before us.

I felt sick to my stomach.

It was Emmett's Black Ford F250 that was parked along the side of the road, and on the other side lying in a ditch, the front end of it a wreck of broken and twisted metal, was Edward's Volvo.

"Oh my God!" Bella cried again, her voice rising with alarm, but I was already out of the car and running toward what I was convinced was the scene of my brother's death.

Edward was lying on the road almost unrecognizable, with blood covering his face and matting in his hair. He was unconscious, and even from where I was I could see that his skin tone was a horrible gray color. Chief Swan was beside him speaking into his walkie-talkie with his other hand on Edward's wrist, feeling for his pulse; a grave look etched into his worn expression. On the other side was Emmett, and the expression on his face terrified me the most. Never in my life had I ever seen Emmett look so scared.

I screamed Edward's name, hearing it as if it came from outside my consciousness. I tried to run, but my legs felt like heavy leaden weights. I tripped and fell, but before I impacted with the road I was in the grip of a strong pair of arms that held me tightly. I struggled against them, desperately, becoming hysterical, but the arms only encircled around me tighter.

"Alley, honey, baby, it's me! It's me, Alley!" Jazz's voice called to me both soothingly and full of dismay from outside my consciousness again. I tried to find him. I looked around for him desperately as the arms enfolded me in a crushing embrace.

I was shaken slightly and then again a little harder, when suddenly I realized that it was Jazz's hands that were holding me; it was Jazz's steel blue eyes that were desolate with panic and concern as they gazed at me.

I threw my arms around him, choking with sobs, but not even Jazz's warm embrace could soothe the pain that was like fire in my heart. I again tried to pull from his arms, but he held to me tightly.

"Alley, listen to me!" He pulled me back so he could gaze into my eyes. "Please listen to me!" he pleaded to me his voice going soft.

I nodded numbly and he continued.

"He's breathing. His heart is beating," he spoke slowly and deliberately, his eyes serious but shining in shock and disbelief. It was all I could process—the look of fear in his eyes.

I only nodded again, dazed, then turned to face the horrific scene in front of me; of Edward, the brother I adored, lying motionless on the road. I turned away again and pressed my face into Jazz's chest, wanting desperately to wipe the image from my mind as tears broke through me like knives.

Very tentatively, Jazz walked us over to Edward, his arms still enfolded tightly around me, protectively. I clung to him, shaking violently with each step we took. When we reached Edward, I released myself from Jazz's arms and slowly bent down beside him.

His mouth was slightly open and I could hear the air move in and out of his lungs in rasps as his chest rose and fell in rhythm with it. I sighed deeply, feeling such intense relief that I almost burst into fresh tears. I quickly composed myself then took Edwards hand in mine gently, feeling the slightest pressure from him in return.

"Edward?" I spoke his name, my tone gentle and breaking with emotion.

His eyebrows very slowly puckered, before a soft moan escaped his lips. He opened his eyes, only fractionally, but enough for me to see that his entire right eye was sickeningly crimson-red from a burst blood vessel that completely overshadowed his usual intense green iris.

"I'm sorry, Alice," his voice was hoarse, weak and full of genuine regret.

I shook my head slightly. "It's okay, Edward," I insisted tenderly, my voice barely a whisper as tears began slipping hotly down my face. They dripped onto his chest, mixing with the blood that was soaking into his shirt.

"He's been in and out like this for a few minutes," Emmett spoke up, his voice was grave and slightly trembling.

I looked him squarely in the face. "How could you let him leave, Emmett!?" I accused him in a sharp whisper.

Emmett just shook his head, unable to answer, his expression tortured with guilt.

Angry for a moment, I pushed my tears away, before I turned back to Edward. I pulled the police blanket that was draped over him further up around his shoulders. Under his head Chief Swan had laid his parka that was already stained with Edward's blood.

"The paramedics should be here very soon," The Chief spoke to me, his deep gruff voice both professional, yet gentle simultaneously.

I only nodded, hearing the faint sound of sirens in the distance already.

Edward was still again and his eyes were closed. I was almost glad not to have to see the horrible condition of his eyes again. Pulling a tissue from my pocket, I began to tentatively wipe the blood from his face. My hands were shaking violently, and it was then that I felt Jazz's hand on my shoulder, squeezing gently. I took a heavy, trembling breath and abandoned myself to the tears, letting them flow in constant steady streaks down my face as I reached up and grabbed his hand. Jazz knelt down behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I only leaned against him unsteadily, then closed my eyes and allowed the fear and heart ache to conquer me.

"Please God, no..."

"He's going to be okay, Alley," Jazz whispered with sudden determination in my ear.

I only shook my head, wanting desperately to believe him. He wrapped his arms around me more tightly and held me as I clung to my brother's hand, feeling all life from him fade.

The ambulance arrived. I expected the sirens to be on, but the noise of them still surprised me and filled me with a deeper panic. I held tighter to Jazz, who'd pulled me away as the paramedics immediately began to work over Edward, analyzing his condition. They began saying things like _suspected internal injuries, accelerated heart rate and low blood pressure. _I stood numb, helplessly and watched, unable to look away. They loaded Edward on the stretcher, carrying his lifeless body quickly inside the ambulance. The doors were closed in an urgent manner, making me jolt violently, before it transported Edward away, leaving us standing alone in the illuminated lighting of the police cruiser.

"Come on, Alley," Jazz said gently into my ear, moving us slowly forward.

Chief Swan was talking to Emmett, his expression and tone was compassionate, yet serious. "I'm going to need to get statements from you two boys, but it can wait until later."

Emmett nodded then glanced at Jazz and I, his tone grim. "Alley, I-I've spoken to Mom and Carlisle; they're waiting at the hospital."

Emmett rarely called me Alley and not since I'd been sick in hospital. It was like being struck. I had the urge to place both my hands over my ears, but instead, I only nodded absently in reply.

Emmett jumped into his car without another word, and Jazz led us towards it when I stopped him. "Wait, Jazz, I just have to see Bella."

He released his arms from me and I made my way, with precarious steps, back to where Bella's Jeep stood. Chief Swan was beside her, and as I approached, he pulled her into his arms. She was trembling, that was evident enough, even in the semi illumination of her jeep's headlights.

She broke from Billy's embrace and threw her arms around me. She was shaking violently.

"Alice, he's going to okay." It was almost comical, the contrast between her tone and her expression, but she'd spoken with so much conviction that my heart began to ache and tears once again welled behind my eyes. Her expression though, was just as struck with shock and grief as, no doubt, mine was.

I nodded. "Thanks, Bella," I mumbled softly. "Are you going to come to the hospital?"

She immediately paled—at least five shades lighter then shook her head with sudden panic. She lowered her gaze from mine and stared at the ground for a moment, and when she looked up again, her eyes were shining and conflicted. "Tomorrow?" she asked in terrified whisper, before adding hastily. "But please call me as soon as you know anything, okay?"

I nodded again, feeling my heart sink in disappointment. I understood her fears, but in my own desperate selfishness I wanted her to be there. I knew what it would mean to Edward; her presence could be the very difference between two vastly different outcomes; one of which I would never accept.

Jazz and I were in the backseat of Emmett's car as he sped to the hospital. I clung to Jazz with all that I had left. My heartbeat was hammering in my ears, and I knew that the only thing that was keeping me from sinking into shock at that moment was adrenalin.

"Why was he lying on the road, was he thrown from the car?" I asked Jazz, shuddering. The very idea filled me with horror. I squeezed my eyes shut and sank my face further into his chest.

I felt the motion of Jazz shaking his head and taking a huge breath before he began to explain with delicacy, as though the harsh reality of it would be too much for me to bear. "No, he wasn't, Alley. When we found him he was still conscious. He got out of the car himself, but he collapsed not long after we arrived."

I looked up and my eyes met Emmett's in the rear view mirror. He looked to be, among other contradicting emotions, pissed. He vocalized it a moment later, his tone so angry and low that the tempo of it surprised me.

"When Edward gets out of this, I'm gonna kick his ass into next week! What the fucked was he thinking?"

"I doubt he _was_ thinking, Em." I sighed feeling myself tense with anger in addition to everything else.

Edward knew better; he was smarter than this!

Emmett huffed, his irritation only amplifying. "Did all this have something to do with the whole _Bella thing_ tonight?"

"I think so," I answered him, my tone flat and dull.

Emmett scoffed, shaking his head slightly to himself. "Jeez he's a complicated asshole. What's wrong with him anyhow?"

I shrugged. "Who knows—who knows what goes through his mind these days," I mumbled, though it was more of a reflection.

"It's really not that difficult. You like a girl, you ask her out, you get laid—a few hundred times if you're as uptight as he is."

I felt my lips twitch with amusement and a feeling similar to hope and optimism started to filter through me.

"That's not all it is with Alley and I—" Jazz piped up indignantly, before immediately breaking off realizing the error of his admission; without mentioning the glare Emmett was giving him through the rear vision mirror.

I grinned broadly; it was astonishing what just a single smile could do in relation to your hope. I was suddenly feeling like I had bucketful's of it, where as just a few minutes earlier I was drowning with despair.

I squeezed Jazz's hand gently, then entwined my fingers through his. He kissed the top of my head gently in response. Releasing my breath, I closed my eyes momentarily and leaned against him.

Edward was _going_ _to be_ ok.

"Is that so?" Emmett retorted. "Don't think we still aren't going to talk about _that_ either?"

Jazz scoffed caustically. "Please," he snorted, "just knowing what you and my sister get up to is payback enough!"

"Emmett, give it up," I added dryly, rolling my eyes.

Emmett's eyes narrowed darkly, but he didn't reply.

"I swear watching this whole Edward, Bella thing play out is like watching a really bad daytime soap opera." My tone was dry as a loud exaggerated sigh escaped my lips.

"Yeah, "Emmett muttered without humor, "like sand through the fucking hourglass. Maybe if Bella just gave him a good bludge, he wouldn't be in this shit," he added with a small smirk lighting up across his face.

I smiled again, grateful Emmett was creating a lighthearted atmosphere. It was infectious and talking about Edward in the context that we were gave me a greater sense of hope and optimism.

However, the moment we entered the emergency room the enormity of it hit me, with all my hope vanishing in an instant.

Carlisle was embracing mom, who was pale and sobbing in his arms. My heart practically stopped beating, and I felt myself going faint as Jazz's arms quickly encircled around me, all but holding me on my feet. It was something about the expression on Carlisle's face; I'd seen it before. It took only a moment to realize when, and the air immediately exploded from my lungs, leaving me gasping for breath.

The only time I'd ever seen that look on his face was during my blackest days of chemo, before the bone marrow transplant from Edward. When they weren't sure I was going to make it.

"Alley, breathe!" Jazz was saying anxiously in my ear.

Clinging desperately to him, I buried my face against his chest, breathlessly sobbing; too terrified to move.

"Just hang on to me, baby," Jazz whispered into my ear, gently easing me closer.

I peeked over at mom and Carlisle; he was sitting her down in one of the chairs in the ER, before he disappeared through two huge swinging doors. Emmett sat down next to her, took hold of her hand and spoke to her.

I needed my mother.

Stubbornly pulling myself from Jazz's embrace, I grabbed his hand and walked with faint, shaky steps over to where they were sitting.

She looked up as we approached and smiled at me bravely through her obvious pain and anguish. "Alley, are you okay, sweetheart?"

"No," I whispered collapsing into her arms and again breaking into a torrent of tears.

She soothed me gently, holding back her own tears that I knew were hovering just below the surface. "He'll be okay, sweetheart. I know in my heart he will."

I nodded clinging to her for a moment longer, before I sat myself back, wiping my tear stained face with the palms of my hands. "What did Carlisle say?"

She took her handkerchief from her handbag and dried my tear sodden face with it tenderly. I looked up and met her gaze, her eyes were tortured and despondent, but with a beacon of hope in them. "He's waiting for Edward to finish getting tests then he's going to come and tell us."

I sighed suddenly impatient. "What does he think, though? I saw his face, mom. I know he knows something."

She paused for a moment, her forehead creasing slightly. "Just that he's worried about internal bleeding." I knew she was withholding more. It was the way she did not fully meet my gaze, her eyes flickering away cautiously.

"Mom!" I pleaded her, my voice jarring, on the verge of another flood of tears.

"Alice, sweetheart, he doesn't know for sure. He's waiting for the test results. Once we know them we'll go from there." Her tone was unwavering in her conviction. "Be brave, honey, okay?"

I sighed shakily and nodded in defeat.

I sat down next to mom in one of the hard plastic ER chairs. Jazz immediately sat on the other side of me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me against him. I rested my head on his chest inhaling and exhaling deeply, trying in vain to get some control over my emotions and find some hope again.

I bolted upright. He was covered in blood.

"Alley, what is it?"

My breathing hitched in my lungs. "What happened to you?" I exclaimed anxiously.

For a moment he didn't understand, he just shook his head bewildered, his forehead knotting, his eyes burning with confusion.

"Jazzy, were you hurt?" I asked him, my tone rising again almost hysterically.

A light of recognition suddenly ignited behind his eyes, and he shook his head vehemently. "I'm okay, Alley. It's not my blood, it—" he stopped abruptly before he could finish saying what I already knew.

"It's Edward's," I answered softly in resignation.

He sighed deeply, nodding.

I took a shaky breath and nodded in return; fully grasping the truth. I wasn't sure if knowing it made me feel better or worse, but I couldn't lie in Jazz's arms while Edward's blood was all over him.

I made him take off his sweater right there in the emergency department, and Jazz being Jazz obliged willingly, before he enfolded his arms around me again, holding me protectively against him.

Carlisle returned not long after, his face drawn and solemn. My heart jarred and I immediately felt myself tense in Jazz's arms.

Mom was already on her feet, wringing her hands nervously. He sighed and sat her down again, handing her the coffee he'd carried out with him.

When he spoke he addressed us all, "Firstly the CT scan shows that Edward has a ruptured spleen—"

Mom drew her breath in hastily, her hand flying to her mouth in fear.

"Honey, he needs emergency surgery on it, but we are very lucky it wasn't his kidneys or his liver," he paused to make sure mom completely comprehended exactly what he was saying before he continued. "He's being prepped for surgery; we need you to sign a few consent forms. It's a fairly straight forward procedure. They're only partially removing it and it shouldn't take longer than an hour," he explained gently, though his eyes were unable to shield us from the graveness of the situation.

Mom nodded. "What else, Carlisle," she asked, her voice determined.

"The underlying problem at the moment is his spleen. However, he does have two fractured ribs, a compound fracture of the skull and some swelling on the brain. They'll address that with you once he's through surgery," Carlisle answered her in a calm, yet sedate manner.

He took out a consent form from inside his coat, handing it to mom. She signed it immediately and handed it back to him. Carlisle handed it to a triage nurse who disappeared with it through the emergency room doors.

"Carlisle?" I spoke up, my voice shaking and barely audible. "Is Edward going to be okay?"

He paused for a moment and my heart sank with dread. Jazz squeezed my hand beside me, but I barely registered it.

"Alice..." he paused as if pondering his words before he spoke them, "we don't know what his outcome will be yet. The next twenty-four hours are going to be critical, but his chances are good for this kind of injury." His eyes remained sincere, and I knew it was the best he could offer at this point of time.

I nodded, resigned.

Carlisle stayed with mom while we waited for Edward to come out of surgery. During that time Rosalie came and took Emmett into her arms in such an intimate display of affection that I was both touched and surprised. They wandered off to find a coffee machine a moment later, with Jazz and I following not long after.

"Thank you for tonight, Jazzy. I don't know what I would've done without you," I whispered as we wandered the hospital grounds drinking the terrible, bitter tasting coffee that did nothing but warm us—if only momentarily.

Jazz pulled me closer against him and kissed the side of my head gently. "You know I'd do anything for you, Alley cat."

I smiled dejectedly to myself, before it fell with a sigh. "I just want this night to be over. Don't leave me tonight, Jazzy, please?" I pleaded with him, my tone breaking as fresh tears threatened to unleash.

"You know I won't, baby. I'm here as long as you need me," he replied tenderly.

I stopped walking and threw myself into his arms just as the tears spilled over and down my face once more.

When we returned back to the ER waiting room, Edward was just coming out of surgery. Carlisle walked back into the waiting room, explaining that Edward had come through the surgery without any complications. His expression remained somber, his tone staid, and he quickly continued as I held steadfast to Jazz, "He's in ICU, we needed to put him in an induced coma. He has pretty significant swelling in the brain, and it's the only way to prevent him further trauma and to allow the brain to heal. His vitals are strong, but I'm afraid all we can really do now is wait."

Mom dropped into the chair and cried softly. I'd seen her expression, how it brightened in relief before falling immediately into despair. Carlisle sat next to her taking her into his arms and whispering that it wasn't as grave as it sounded, and that it was just standard procedure for Edward's kind of accident.

I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head not wanting to hear any more. Faintness washed through me, my breath quickened and became shallow as I heaved air in and out of my lungs. Jazz pulled me against his chest; I buried my face there, hoping to find a release from the horrendous reality of what was happening.

I couldn't.

"Carlisle, I want to see him!" mom spoke up with sudden conviction, drying her eyes with the handkerchief Carlisle had handed to her.

He nodded, before he turned to me. "What about you, Alice?" he asked me gently.

I nodded, overwhelmed with sudden uncertainty. "Take mom in first," I replied barely able to find my voice.

Carlisle led her through the ER doors, where she returned several minutes later shaken and pale, but with a positive resolve shining from behind her eyes.

"Okay, honey," she said softly to me with an encouraging smile.

I wasn't prepared to see Edward in the condition he was in. I had a picture in my mind of what to expect, but still the brutal truth of it brought me almost to my knees. Carlisle quickly grabbed a chair for me and sat me in it, as I bent my head into my hands trying to desperately pull myself out of the wave of dizziness and nausea.

Edward was lying attached to a respirator that blew artificial air in and out of his lungs noisily, his chest rising and falling mechanically along with it. His head was bandaged, and the cut above his eye was covered with gauze. He was bare-chested, covered with heart monitors while his left ribs were horrifically bruised and swollen. He was deathly pale, and the only thing that told me he was still alive was the constant and rhythmical beeping from the machine beside him.

I shuddered violently, my chest aching horribly as it heaved with painful sobs. "Don't you dare think about leaving me, Edward!" I pleaded with him helplessly. "Not when you were the one that kept _me _here."

I stayed with Edward, keeping a vice-like, determined grip on his hand until Carlisle had to practically forcibly remove me. I felt ashamed that mom was so calm where as I had completely fallen apart, but never in my life would I ever forget the sight of Edward the way he was tonight. It would haunt my dreams and plague my mind until my dying days.

Mom insisted that we go home and get some rest. Not that any of us would sleep that night, or many nights that would follow, but we went home regardless. Jazz stayed with me just as he said he would, even though he, like the rest of us, was close to being dead on his feet.

We were in the kitchen drinking hot chocolate. I was fast beginning to feel the effects of shock infiltrate through me, when my phone started vibrating from inside my jacket; I'd completely forgotten it was there. I pulled it out and turned it on with flat sluggish movements, feeling as though my brain was disconnected from my body.

"Who is it, Alley?" Jazz asked me gently.

"It's Bella," I replied.

* * *

**A/N: :(  
This is the end of Alice's pov in this story. I hope you enjoyed what she had to say, even though it was pretty hard to write, and thanks for reading.**


	15. Facing Your Fears

**A/N: writing Bella always makes me feel slightly ... bi polar. Anywho, she's a delicate soul and all that... Go easy on her.**

* * *

**Chapter 15**

**Facing Your Fears**

**Bella's POV**

It was almost midnight. I was lying on my bed listening to the sound of the rain, but finding no solace in it like I usually did, as I struggled to comprehend the night's events. So many overwhelming thoughts raged through me, completely exhausting me. I was exhausted by merely skimming the surface of what I'd witnessed tonight, without having the courage to go deeper.

I squeezed my eyes shut suddenly, my heart accelerating as the image of his face flashed behind my eyes. I took a deep, weary breath and shook my thoughts clear.

I couldn't even begin to focus on it—on him.

It was so tempting to surrender myself to the oblivion of sleep—if I could manage to fall asleep, that is; which I doubted. I would have even chosen the comfort of tears but they wouldn't come either.

I sat up and gazed agonisingly at the clock radio for the umpteenth time. Only five minutes had passed since I'd last checked. It had slowed down just to torture me; I was positive of it. I had the urge to pick it up and hurl it through the window, but watching as the time ticked slowly by had been my only comfort over the past couple of hours. Still, if I told myself one more time that _no news was good news, _I'd puke.

It had been more than three hours, and I still hadn't heard from Alice.

If I wasn't terrified beyond all reasoning and able to put two coherent words together, I would have called her. It's not like I hadn't tried; I had—at least a dozen times. But I hadn't been able to get past pulling my brand new _cell phone _out of my pocket and switching it on, before I became engulfed by an all too familiar panic. A panic that had me dropping the phone as if it was burning my hands; a panic that hinted at a new, painful reality that not only was I going to lose Kel, but Edward as well.

Edward...

Seeing him lying on the road, unconscious and bleeding had been like a ten mega ton bomb that ripped through my chest. I'd stood with a white knuckled grip on the open door of my car as I fought desperately to keep my consciousness intact. My lungs were burning as I drew the freezing air sharply into them, while my mind was screaming _not Edward too! _Every instinct that welled deep inside me awoke in that instant and told me to run, but I didn't; I couldn't. I kept my eyes glued to the horrendous scene in front of me and faced my nightmare head on.

I inhaled deeply and expelled it in frustration, then with an anxiousness growing within my chest again, I switched my phone back on and stared at Alice's name in my contacts.

I found myself wishing that the worst that had happened was walking in on Edward and Jessica. That I could deal with; anger had always been easier for me—it helped me stay in control, but it wasn't anger that was ripping me apart.

Taking deep even breaths and closing my eyes again, I willed myself to find the courage. It was Renee's face this time that flashed in the back of my mind, smiling with smug over confidence before I heard her voice as it echoed in the dark recesses of my memory.

_You were always piss-weak, Bella._

I flinched, my eyes flying open, my face flushing angrily. It was something Renee had often said to me.

While I allowed the anger to completely consume me, I soon realised it was directed at me and not at her. Because at that moment, and for the first time in my life, she had it exactly right!

I pressed Alice's number with a newly acquired determination, ignoring my stomach as it twisted itself into knots, and waited for her to answer.

"Hi, Bella."

My heart quickened; she sounded terrible.

"Alice," I spoke, barely able to find my voice, "how … how's ..." I was unable to finish; panic was tightening its grip on me again.

And I couldn't hear it.

"He's not good, Bella," Alice replied, her hoarse voice breaking softly.

My breath hitched while my heart continued to thud so rapidly within me that I was beginning to feel light headed. I clutched at my chest instinctively and opened my mouth to reply, but no words came out.

"Oh God, Bella, it's my fault!" Alice suddenly cried, her voice rising with an unimaginable anguish.

I shook my head impulsively. "It's not your fault, Alice!" I insisted passionately, and as I spoke these words they were echoed by someone on the other end of the line. Jazz, I was guessing by the tender resonance of the voice.

"It is!" Alice persisted. "I could have explained it to him! That's all it would have taken. Instead, I blamed everything on him. I hit him—I let Jacob beat him up"—

_Jacob?_

—"I walked out on him when he fell unconscious!" she stopped, her sobs becoming uncontrollable, her sharp breathing causing static in the reception. I could hear Jazz comforting her in the background as my mind began to race and comprehend her words.

I shook my head to myself in confusion.

_Jacob beat up Edward?_

I was just absorbing the idea of it, feeling my jaw clench with sudden anger, when Alice spoke up again. "Bella, _please_, can you come to the hospital to see him?"

My heart immediately stalled. I shook my head hastily, but didn't answer.

"Please, Bella. He needs you," her voice was husky; she sounded so hurt and afraid; I knew I couldn't deny her anything, but...

I took a heavy breath, trying to find some way around it; trying to find a scrap of courage that I hoped still existed within me. But it was futile; I was a coward. "Alice ... I ... please don't—"

"Bella!" Her tone was suddenly hard. "This is my _brother_! He could _die_! If he ever meant _anything_ to you—please do this!"

I swallowed past the building panic in my chest. The very idea of going to the hospital caused an overwhelming fear to take hold of me. "I ... I ... can't ... Alice ... I ..." I stammered, unable to finish the sentence, and feeling horribly ashamed of myself.

"Fuck you, Bella!" Alice spat out, before she hung up.

I dropped the phone from my ear, blinking back the shock and guilt and allowing the air to gush from my lungs. I'd barely breathed for the most part of the conversation, and again I'd pitifully allowed fear to control me.

I'd let Alice down.

I really was _piss-weak_, and I was a coward.

I sighed deeply, wishing I could just surrender to the emotion that was burning in my throat, but still the tears refused to come.

Of course I wanted to see Edward. What I couldn't face was seeing him under the same circumstances that I knew Kel was fighting her way out of in Australia. I had tried so hard not to focus on it for so long that the thought of being confronted by this reality scared the life out of me.

More importantly, I couldn't see him and have to face the fact that he might not survive too, because he _did_ mean something to me...

**...**

The sound of Jake's loud, boisterous, semi drunken laughter pulled me out of my brooding thoughts. Alice's words immediately echoed in my mind.

_I let Jacob beat him up._

I pulled myself up from my bed with sudden angry determination and made my way down stairs.

"Hey, Bells!" he said brightly as I stepped into the kitchen. "You feeling better now?"

I shook my head, feeling my expression darken. "What did you do to Edward, Jake?" I demanded, ignoring his question.

He was about to take a gulp of milk straight from the carton, when he paused and turned back to me, his expression reflecting his confusion. "I sorted him out, Bells. He deserved it," he answered with a nonchalant shrug.

"He's in hospital—you idiot!" I snapped angrily. I reached up and ran my hand down my face in a vain attempt to quell my anger. "For once, Jacob, would you _stop_ using me as an excuse to get back at Edward!"

"Jeez, Bells, lighten up would ya. So he'll get a couple of stitches," he replied, taking a gulp of milk and half rolling his eyes.

Uncle Billy walked into the kitchen at that moment, having just finished his shift, a tired, troubled look etched into his features. "Actually, Jake, it's a little more serious than that. Edward was in a car accident," he relayed quietly his tone sombre. He turned to me, offering up a warm smile, his eyes jaded. "How are you, Bella? Are you okay?"

I nodded, but I wasn't. I was far from it.

"No shit?" Jake said surprised, raising his eyebrows as he gave it weight. Billy pointed a warning finger at him, before Jake continued. "Well, Bells, that's what happens when you mess with a Swan, huh?"

I stared at him incredulous.

"That's not funny, Jake. Edward is very sick. He's on life support and could very well die," Billy replied gravely with an edge of anger.

I watched Jake's face grow serious as Billy's words seeped slowly into my consciousness. My ears suddenly began to ring, and in the next instant, I was in the grip of a full-blown panic attack. My chest went tight as though my lungs were in an iron grip. I couldn't take a breath, and as I gasped desperately for air, my body began violently trembling.

I squeezed my eyes shut and placed both my hands over my ears, shaking my head back and forth while my lungs steadfastly refused to inflate.

Edward was _not_ going to die!

I felt two pairs of large hands suddenly around my shoulders as I was dragged over to a chair. Billy thrust a glass of water in my hands.

"Bella, just calm down. Breathe slowly," he spoke with a gentle, yet commanding tone.

I could hear the alarm in his voice, but I couldn't see him. I could only see Kel and Edward on the side of a dark, damp road; dying.

My panic shifted and gave way to broken, breathless sobs. Finally the tears came, yet I found no release—no comfort in them. Just an overwhelming pain in my heart that I was losing everyone around me, and I had no control over anything.

Billy managed to force the water down my throat as I choked and spluttered on it. Slowly as he forced me to drink more, I was able to swallow and the panic in my chest began to loosen its grip. Taking huge, staggering lungfuls of air, I slowly felt myself calm, and the hammering of my pulse at my temples fade.

"Are you okay now, Bella?" Billy asked me, gazing intently at me, his eyes scanning my face with concern.

I nodded and took a small, tentative sip of water. I swallowed before expanding my lungs fully. The panic had passed but it had completely exhausted me.

"I think you're in shock, Bella. It's been a rough couple of weeks and what happened tonight would've been stressful enough for anyone." Billy continued to scrutinise me with weary concerned eyes that had lost their alarm and had turned warm.

"What did you see, Bells? Were you there?" Jake's voice was excited.

I ignored him with an irritated half shrug, before turning to Billy. He was glaring at Jake with impatience.

"I might just go to bed, Uncle Billy." My voice was little more than a whisper; it was all I could manage.

He nodded and sighed, turning to Jake again. "Help Bella upstairs, Jake, and for God's sake try not to say anything stupid."

I stood up a little shakily. "I'm okay," I said quietly, trying to disguise the fact that my knees were buckling under the weight of me. "I've got to talk to Alice first, and then I'm going to sleep."

Jake followed me upstairs, looking sheepish and uncomfortable. "Jeez, Bells, I'm really sorry. I mean, I know Cullen and I don't get along, but I wouldn't wish that on him."

"Don't worry about it, Jake," I mumbled, feeling irritation creep up my spine at the sound of his voice; something that usually had the opposite effect on me.

He sighed, but didn't reply.

I reached out and gripped the doorknob to my bedroom about to enter, before I turned back to him. "Well, see you in the morning."

"Goodnight, Bells ... and ... tell Alice I hope ... Cullen gets better soon," he muttered, shifting awkwardly.

I felt anger immediately surge back to the surface. "Edward—his name is _Edward, _Jake! Bloody hell!" I burst, enraged, before stepping inside my room and slamming the door on him.

I huffed to myself angrily, pacing the room back and forth for a few moments before guilt began to plague me. Taking a deep, weary breath, I opened the door again. Jake was still standing on the other side of it looking awkward and unsure of himself, his expression downcast.

He met my gaze, before flashing me a remorseful, uneasy grin. Impulsively, I reached up and threw myself into his massive arms, hugging him tightly.

"I'm sorry, Jake. I didn't mean to take it out on you. You know how much I love you," I spoke into his chest with sincere affection, my voiced wavering a little with it.

It wasn't Jacob's fault after all. It was mine.

"Aw jeez, Bells," he mumbled, his tone heartfelt, before releasing me from his mammoth embrace. "Go and call Alice, and tell her _Edward _has to get better, 'cause the next move is his." He attempted to keep a straight face, but his lips curved faintly, hinting with a mischievous smirk.

"Okay. Thanks, Jake," I replied warmly, breaking into a soft chuckle.

**...**

Pitifully, it still took me a good ten minutes to call Alice. Each time I got close, panic tightened its grip on me again, but I knew I had to overcome it. I had to see Edward, I had to know if he was okay, and I _had_ to be there for Alice.

Scrunching my brow up with determination, I pulled out my phone and called her without further contemplation that would give my fears an opportunity to gain control of me again.

She answered almost immediately, her voice that was hoarse from crying, was flat, dull. "Bella," she said quietly, but that was as far as I let her speak.

"Alice, I'm so sorry!" I exclaimed, my voice thickening as the emotion within me built. "_Of course _I will come and see Edward—as soon as you want me there. It's ... it's just ..."

Alice took a dejected breath. "I know, Bella. I understand how hard it's going to be for you, but thank you." Her voice was almost inaudible in its softness. It was heartbreaking to hear.

"Thanks, Als," I said softly. "I'm sorry about before. I just panicked."

"I'm sorry as well. I'm just ... so scared for him, Bella." her fractured voice wavered thickly before breaking. It was almost too much for me to bear, and it brought me right back to the brink of tears.

Alice made plans with me for her and Jazz to pick me up at ten o'clock the next morning. Jazz had to pick up his car; it was still parked out in front of the house.

I accepted that I was going to the hospital, but I refused to probe into it any deeper than that, or associate it with Kel. It wouldn't do me any good, and I'd be useless the next day if I was on the verge of another panic attack.

After saying goodbye to Alice, I decided to have a shower before I went to bed. My face was itchy from all the crying I'd done, and I hated sleeping while I was still wearing makeup.

An image of Renee waking up looking god-awful with her mascara running down her face suddenly clouded in my mind, and I shuddered.

I wasn't her!

As I soaked under the steamy water, I tried to relax and let the hot spray smooth out the tension in my muscles. Physically I felt a little better afterwards, but it did nothing to quell the fear in my heart. It still felt clenched from within, aching with a new ferocity. It never ebbed, it was constantly there; an ugly reminder if I dared allowed myself a moment to forget, even for a moment.

I tiptoed back to my room with my toiletries bag under my arm, careful not to disturb Billy and Jacob. As soon as I was back in my room, I closed the door quietly behind me, then turned and immediately caught my toe on the edge of the rug. I stumbled forward, sending the contents of my little canvas toiletries bag scattering across the timber floor.

Huffing out my breath loudly, with angry frustration, I bent down to pick it all back up. I was half way under my bed retrieving my toothbrush, when out of the corner of my eye I caught sight of something pink. As I reached out to grab it, my heart froze in my chest.

I sprang quickly to my feet and found myself staring down at one of Edward's pink pens.

Before I was even aware of them, tears began spilling effortlessly down my cheeks and blurring my vision. Clenching the pen in my hand, I brought it to my face, closing my eyes and completely surrendered myself.

Edward's smiling, handsome face flashed clearly in my mind, and I almost fell to my knees as fear once again gripped my heart. I couldn't get him from my thoughts. Every word I'd ever spoken to him; every smile he'd ever flashed me, all raced clearly through my mind with a sudden urgency. He and I in Bio on Friday doing condom testing; his eyes as they gazed at me, dark green and penetrating; his arm hooking around my neck as he pulled me towards him playfully to kiss the top of my head. His lips pressed tenderly to mine as he kissed me briefly before Alice interrupted us; his arms around me, warm and inviting as he walked me back to my car. Him giving me his jacket to wear; his jacket that made me dizzy with the smell of him on it; the jacket that I slept in so I could breathe him in as I dreamed. Every single pen he'd given me, and every single charming grin that accompanied it. Until finally, I was seeing the betrayal in his eyes the last time I spoke to him. How angry he had been, but how even more hurt he was as his eyes bored into mine, shining with undisguised pain.

I'd hurt him.

I should have never gone out with Mike in tow knowing that he had feelings for me. I had made it clear that we were friends only, but what was Edward supposed to think? Mike had followed me around like a bloody lost puppy; anyone who seen us would've assumed I was there with him.

Angela had told me at the party that Ben told Edward I went on a date with Mike. As I drove home from the party, I'd cried wretchedly recalling her words as she explained how Edward had reacted. I couldn't blame him for any of it, and if I had one ounce of a spine I would have explained it all to him Friday afternoon before any of this could have happened—before he could have got so badly hurt. After what he'd done for me, I at least owed him that!

Edward was hovering close to death in a hospital bed because I had allowed him to believe a lie!

Still clenching the pen tightly in my hand, I crawled under the covers of my bed. With guilt tearing at the fabric of my soul, I cried myself into a restless sleep, full of dark, disturbing dreams. Dreams of Edward, bloody and unconscious on the road. Edward, who morphed into Kel, then back into Edward, over and over, bloodied and dying.

I woke often during the night, clutching my chest and gasping for air, with sweat pouring from every inch of my skin and plastering my shirt to my body. But when I returned to sleep, the dreams continued, giving me no relief.

**...**

Alice and Jazz arrived just before ten; Alice looked terrible. I threw my arms around her as soon as I opened the door and squeezed her tiny frame tight.

"Stop it, Bella. You'll make me cry again," she said softly, her thick, croaky voice catching.

I pulled back before Jazz took my place, pulling her into his arms.

The two of them were pale, their eyes red rimmed and bloodshot, but there was something else in Alice's expression that I both understood and recoiled from. There was an overwhelming fear reflected in her eyes, while her expression was all but broken and defeated.

My heart ached for her. I knew her pain more than I wished I did. How could I withstand more?

"How … is he?" I asked with trepidation.

"No change," she replied, releasing her breath softly and turning her eyes from mine as they welled inevitably with tears.

I nodded, my breath becoming shallow, while commanding myself to hold it together. I began to feel the whispers of panic clench at me again, while my stomach was twisting and knotting. I hadn't eaten breakfast, which was making me feel light headed, but I knew it was probably more prudent that I saw Edward in his current condition with an empty stomach.

"You ready to go?" Alice asked me quietly. I met her gaze and she flashed me a sad, but encouraging smile.

I wasn't, but I nodded in reply.

I sat in the back seat of Jazz's car racked with panicky, high-strung nerves and feeling physically sick. As we neared the hospital my pulse began to race so rapidly that I was breaking into a sweat. The only thing that was holding back a full-blown panic attack was the need to make it to the hospital in tact to see Edward. I needed to know for myself that he was okay, or at least that he would be. I knew also that if Edward didn't look as horrible as I feared he would, if he looked peaceful and without pain, it would ease my heartache over Kel. The guilt would never dissipate over not being able to overcome my bullshit with Renee to fly back to Australia, but if I could get some understanding that maybe she'd be okay...

When we pulled up at the hospital, I closed my eyes, willing myself to stay strong and stay in control, but my heart felt like it had literally crashed in my chest. When I opened them again they met with the soothing blue of Jazz's, who was gazing at me through his rear vision mirror, his brow furrowed.

"You okay, Bella? You look a little green."

I only nodded, swallowing hard.

Alice turned around in her seat and gazed at me with concern woven into her desolate eyes. "It's okay to be freaked, Bella."

"I-I'm okay—really," I lied, stammering and struggling to keep my voice even.

Taking a final determined breath, I exited the car and walked with shaky legs beside Alice and Jazz into the building. I concentrated wholly on my breathing and nothing else. As we exited the elevator to the Intensive Care Unit, my heart skidded to a stop again and I almost faltered. I was in the midst of an internal struggle that had me on the verge of fleeing the building, when Jazz reached over, grabbed my hand and pulled me along with him and Alice.

I fought the urge to pull my clammy hand from his grip and run. Run and not have to face the reality of what I was about to witness, but the other part of me that desperately craved the reassurance, spurred me forward.

As we rounded the corner, approaching the nurse's station, I spied two people talking together, their mannerisms and expressions serious. The attractive woman with the reddish, caramel toned hair was undoubtedly Edward and Alice's mother.

As we approached, she turned her attention toward us, lines of worry ingrained in her forehead.

Alice released herself from Jazz's arms to throw herself into her mother's embrace.

"How is he?" Alice asked a moment later, turning her attention to the blond doctor that I could only assume was Alice's stepfather.

"He's doing okay, Alice. His vitals are strong, and the swelling to his brain has already decreased. If it continues in a few days we'll bring him out of the coma. We'll know more then, but so far things are looking positive." He smiled at her warmly, though it didn't reflect in his eyes; they remained staid and serious.

Alice exhaled deeply, her eyes closed as a hint of a smile tugged at her lips.

"That's Esme's husband, Dr Mason," Jazz explained leaning down to me, speaking in a hushed tone.

I only nodded, not really hearing him. I was too immersed by what the doctor had just told Alice.

Edward was going to be brought out of his coma, without there being any speculation as to his brain activity or the possibility of turning off machines?

I was trying to digest this information when Alice turned her mother in my direction. As they approached, I met Esme's gaze as a warm smile lit up on her face. She looked so incredibly like Edward that it was almost uncanny.

"Mom, this is Bella," Alice said in introduction.

"Of course. How are you, Bella?" she spoke with the same smooth, soothing voice, before leaning over to hug me tenderly.

I was taken aback, my body going instinctively tense. In fact, my first instinct was to take a step away from her to avoid her embrace completely. When Renee got this close to me it never ended well, and it certainly never began with a hug.

She squeezed my shoulders gently as I stood stock still with my arms at my sides, before releasing me again. She didn't notice, or rather was polite enough to overlook, my weird reaction.

"It's so lovely that you came to see Edward," she spoke softly with a gentle tone as a moment of pain flickered in her eyes.

I nodded, swallowing again to find my voice. "I-It's nice to meet you ... Mrs Cullen?" I stammered, feeling my cheeks flush brazenly.

She broke into a grin. "My _mother in law_ is Mrs Cullen," she paused and lightly pulled a face. I smiled. "Call me Esme, Bella."

Edward, behind her smile, behind her eyes...

"O-Okay," I faltered again, but it was the only word I could think to say.

Esme turned to Jazz then, speaking to him with affection and placing her hand tenderly on his cheek.

I looked down at my feet awkwardly, when Alice came to stand beside me and linked her arm through mine. When I looked up to meet her gaze, she smiled, and for the first time her eyes were lighting up with hope. I found myself smiling back, warmed by her optimism.

"You ready to go in?" she asked.

I nodded, taking a huge shaky breath in.

The hospital policy for ICU patients was family only, but since Alice's step-father was a residing Doctor, and after hearing her explain to him that I was a _special _friend of Edward's, I was allowed to accompany her to see him.

I walked apprehensively with trembling limbs into the room behind Alice. I heard the machines, the whooshing of the respirator, the beeping of the heart monitor, before I saw them.

Slowly and fearfully, I forced myself to look over at the hospital bed, and the moment my eyes fell on Edward my heart slammed to a staggering halt. I took a clumsy step backwards, automatically, as my flight instincts kicked in, but my legs refused to obey, threatening to give way beneath me.

He was lying pale and unmoving, attached to all those god-awful machines; his body battered and bruised.

Alice turned to me, her expression alarmed. "Bella, are you okay?"

I took another step backwards, feeling like I was suffocating. I expelled the air from my lungs that I was unaware I'd been holding and looked around for something to grab hold of, to stop myself from fainting. There was nothing, so I leaned up against the wall, closing my eyes tightly, while my hammering heart pushed the panic through my body.

The room was beginning to spin, my ears ringing...

"Are you alright, Bella?" I heard Alice ask me again, her voice echoing in my mind.

I nodded weakly and opened my eyes slowly. "I'm okay. I feel a little faint, but I'm..." I left it unspoken. I was nauseated and speaking only made it worse.

"Take your time." I heard Alice's voice again as though it was floating through the air, independent of her.

Taking several even measured breaths, I opened my eyes and allowed them to fall on Edward again. He remained lifeless, his chest rising and falling robotically under the respirator, while his heart beeped away through the machines, as though it was counting down. I shook my head to myself trying to rid myself of the nausea and faintness, when the image of Kel suddenly flashed in my mind. I closed my eyes again, squeezing them shut as I hung to consciousness by the barest thread.

I felt like I was falling...

Alice grabbed my hand and my eyes flew open. She was saying something to me, her eyes were sympathetic, but I couldn't really hear her. She led me slowly to Edward then let go of my hand to bend over and kiss him tenderly on the forehead. He was so still; the only movement was his chest as his lungs expanded and expelled air with each whoosh of the respirator.

I found myself staring at the cut above his eye—the cut Jacob had caused—and a burst of anger swept through me instantly drowning out my panic and returning some of my equilibrium. I tried to hold on to it as I sat in the chair beside his bed, pulling myself together long enough to tentatively reach out and touch his hand. The minute my fingers came into contact with his skin, I withdrew my hand quickly as if it burnt me. But it was the complete opposite. It was cool. Edward was normally so warm, hot even. I would often feel the heat emanating from him constantly. But now ... he was so cold.

Tears sprang to my eyes. The sight of him lying so helpless and vulnerable seemed like blasphemy to the Edward that was a constant thorn in my side since I'd came to Forks.

I closed my eyes and again I saw Kel with clarity as if I was just looking at her. Kel, laughing, loving life—but she wasn't, she was lying in a hospital bed exactly as Edward was, only she was dying...

It was like a blow to my chest, and again I was becoming consumed by faintness, nausea and a constricting panic.

"Alice, I have to get out of here!" I burst, before springing from the chair and racing out of the room.

Jazz caught up with me as I was about to get into the lift. I didn't know what I was doing or where I was going, just that I had to escape that horrible little room, with the beeping machines and Edward's lifeless body lying so still.

Jazz's powers of persuasion were even greater than Edward's, or maybe I was just that much of a doormat. He had me walking back to ICU with him, his arm wrapped around my shoulders in support, before I had a moment to ponder it.

The only thing I was sure of was that I couldn't go back into that room.

Esme sat with me on a chair beside the nurse's station as Jazz went in to see Edward with Alice. Esme reached out and gently took my hand, and again I almost flinched. But she had an incredible soothing affect over me and as she squeezed my hand tenderly I began to relax into the chair, allowing my racing pulse to still.

"It's okay to feel this way, Bella. It's completely understandable," she spoke gently to me, her jade-green eyes so much like Edward's, but so different at the same time.

"I'm sorry. I let him down. I let Alice down ..." I inhaled back a flood of shameful tears and looked down at the warm hand that gripped mine with gentle pressure.

"Of course you didn't. Alice told me about your close friend in Australia. I hope you don't mind?" she replied softly her eyes penetrating like Edward's only with tenderness and compassion.

I shook my head, no.

"I can only imagine what it must be like for you to have another friend in the same situation. So please don't beat yourself up, Bella."

I nodded lightly, contemplating her words. Was Edward even my friend? Was he more? Was he less?

I didn't know what I felt any more, just that where Edward was concerned, I felt a whole lot of it.

...

An hour later, Alice, Jazz and I were sitting in a small courtyard at a small round table just off the hospital cafe. We sat basking in the very rare presence of the sun, drinking disgusting hospital filtered coffee and eating hot chips—_fries_!

The temperature was still way below what I was used to in the Australian winter months, but I still found myself longing for the clouds and rain again. I needed no reminders of Australia at the moment, and the rain in Forks was constant, dependable...

Alice and Jazz sat with their chairs angled towards each other, sitting as close as they could possibly get, with their arms entwined around one another. Alice was smiling as she tilted her head towards the sky.

"He's going to be fine. I know it in my soul he is," she whispered and closed her eyes dropping her head further back.

Jazz leaned in to kiss her at the base of her throat murmuring something unintelligible into her skin, before I looked hastily away.

As they slopped over one another for several more minutes, I took a moment to contemplate seeing Edward. I felt defeated. The panic had all but dissipated and what I was left with was shame. I'd barely managed five minutes with him before I'd fled the room. I had become more pathetic since living in Forks than I had been in Australia.

Alice was focusing her gaze on me, her eyes full of compassion again. "Bella, you did okay. You faced your demons and you made it to see Edward."

I flashed her a warm, grateful smile. It was fleeting; I didn't feel that I had the right to smile.

"I know it's a bit heavy at the moment, but maybe you can come back when he wakes up?" Alice asked me, her brows shooting up as hope shone behind her eyes.

The idea of Edward awake and off those wretched machines appealed to me so much that I felt my expression immediately respond to it. I nodded. "Sure, Alice. Definitely."

She grinned back at me broadly just seconds before my heart reacted adversely to the idea of it. I pushed it away with irritation, but I knew it went much deeper than merely seeing Edward in ICU again. The possibility of leaving myself open to Edward again was beginning to scare me above and beyond his current condition.

**...**

Feeling flustered and slightly over heated from being in the company of two very hands on lovers in the guise of Alice and Jazz for three hours, I found myself almost looking forward to the virtual innocence of my Sunday dose of Jake and Nessie slop.

Alice walked me to my front door before hugging me tightly.

"Thanks for coming today, Bella," she whispered, her tone full of warmth. Her eyes were bright with optimism now and the feeling they emanated was infectious.

I nodded, returning her smile. "It helped a lot, and I'm really glad Edward is doing so well."

"Don't give up hope with Kel, Bella. She is beginning to improve too." her voice dropped tenderly.

My eyes immediately welled with tears before I could prevent it. I nodded again, looking down to hastily wipe them away.

When I met her gaze again she was smiling at me sadly, before it hinted towards mischief. "I'm sorry about the peep show too."

I smirked at her teasingly. "You are not."

She chuckled before her expression piqued seriously. "Emmett and I probably won't be at school for a few days, but you can hang with Rose?"

I nodded, but the idea made me a little uneasy. I liked Rose but I wasn't entirely comfortable around her yet.

"I'll call you tomorrow, Als," I said, masking my apprehension behind the genuine affection I felt for her.

...

The minute I walked into school the next morning I knew something was amiss. People were staring, and since it had been a couple of months since I was the weird speaking new girl, notorious for making scenes in the cafeteria, I was curious a little more than I was uncomfortable.

Jake and I were running late, and by the time I pulled to a stop in the parking lot, the bell had already sounded for first period. I practically ran to homeroom, while the speculations as to why I was being stared at slipped from my thoughts in my haste to make it to class on time.

I burst through the door, so I expected everyone would be staring at me; still, the _way_ they stared unnerved me. There was something about the hush of silence that immediately fell over the room as I entered. I hastily took my seat, relieved that Mr Fox still wasn't in the room. I wasn't in the mood of for an importance-on-not-being-tardy lecture.

After five minutes of sitting at my desk, I became well and truly inundated by paranoia. Either that or every pair of eyes in the room _were _resting on me. Since I hadn't had time to take my jacket off, I shrunk into it, pulling the collar up to hide behind. I tried to convince myself I was being ridiculous; it gave me enough assertiveness to casually glance around the room. It only validated the fact everyone in the room _was_ staring at me. More than that, they were _glaring—_all with various degrees of animosity, but glaring none the less.

I looked quickly down at the desk taken aback, feeling my face burning with complete bewilderment as I shrunk deeper into my jacket.

Common sense was telling me that I'd obviously misconstrued the meaning behind their stares, when I heard Edward's name being spoken among the hushed murmuring.

My back straightened in the chair. I inclined my head, subconsciously listening to the whispers. They were definitely talking about Edward. Gossiping about his accident, I presumed, frowning to myself as I gazed down at my desktop. I continued to contemplate why they'd be acting so hostile towards me, when a cold chill suddenly ran up my spine as I came to the most obvious conclusion.

They blamed me for his accident.

But how could they know?

I was in the midst of deliberating this, when my eyes met inadvertently with Jessica Stanley's; she was openly glaring at me. The image of her and Edward kissing Saturday replayed in my thoughts and I glared back at her, feeling my cheeks flame red hot as anger immediately flared to the surface.

Almost immediately, I tore my eyes from hers agitated at myself and confused over my sudden reaction. I swallowed hard realising, as my face prickled with admission, that I was jealous.

Jealous of Jessica Stanley?

But she had been kissing Edward, and the way he was kissing her back...

The reason behind why the rest of the class was giving me death stares became irrelevant for the moment as I sat in consternation over what my latest revelation meant. Edward had hurt me for what I swore was the last time. But now, things were different and I didn't have the first clue as to how I'd react to him when he recovered.

During the short walk to first period, I was shoved sideways, spilling my books all over the floor that were then kicked up and down the lengths of the hall. It was then that I became aware that not only was my homeroom class staring at me with animosity but most of the population of Forks High School.

I stood in the middle of the hall, having decided that my English book had become collateral damage as I was gibed with '_loser' _signs and called names I'd only ever heard before from Renee.

"Way to kill Cullen, you whore!" someone sang out from behind me.

_Kill Cullen?_

I felt my heart freeze.

_Edward is dead?_

Feeling the blood drain from my face, and my heart lodge itself in my throat, I turned on my heel and raced past all the snickers and sneers. I found myself hiding in a bathroom stall, trying desperately to halt the tears, and refusing to acknowledge that what people were saying was true.

If something had happened to Edward, I'd find out. Billy would know and tell me, Alice would call...

Sitting on the toilet, I attempted to catch my burning breath and focus on anything but the possibility. I dropped my head in my hands determined to get on top of the growing panic, when I decided to face it head on. Feeling around inside my bag clumsily for my phone, I gathered my courage to contact Alice, when there was a tentative knock on the door of the stall I was in.

"You okay in there, dear?" I assumed it was the cleaner.

I cleared my throat. "I-I'm fine," I stammered, hastily wiping away my tears and grossly runny nose with the same swipe of my hand.

No reply.

With violently trembling hands, my courage already on the verge of faltering, I pulled my phone from my shoulder bag. I didn't trust my voice to speak to Alice directly, so I sent her a text, my panic ridden coordination making it near impossible.

**Hi Alice, how is Edward?**

I swallowed hard and pressed 'send'.

The few minutes or so it took Alice to reply were almost too much for my already unstable emotional state. I was dangerously close to completely losing it.

The ridiculous song that Jake insisted be my message alerts, sounded. I clicked the message open and gazed down at it. My mind was so completely shrouded in fear, that for a moment my eyes didn't register what I was reading. Then it became clear.

**Hey Bella, he's improving with every minute, he has a bit of color back, too. Thanks so much for the txt, you're so sweet.**

Relief immediately flooded my senses, followed almost instantaneously by a jittery feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Was I forgiving Edward, considering how close he'd come to dying? Was I going to once and for all stop resisting the pull he had over me, and subject myself to his volatile unpredictability, leaving myself open for him to hurt me again and again?

I removed these thoughts from my mind, because in plain truth I had no answers. Besides, the immediate question was why the entire school was blaming me for Edward's accident.

Unless they could see into my tortured, guilt ridden psyche, that is.

I eventually dragged myself pitifully from the bathroom and took myself to the office. Having missed half of first period I was forced to explain why I'd spent it hiding in the toilets. My meek excuse was that I was feeling unwell. It was a half-truth at least; my stomach was twisting and knotting so badly that I was beginning to feel terrible.

The kind office lady, who'd seen more of me in the last few weeks than probably most of the students in all their years of attendance—and obviously suspecting my lack of adjustment with equal amounts of pity and empathy, as if Forks High was the cause of all her woes too—offered to send me home. I almost agreed, my cowardice knowing no boundaries, but as I contemplated it, my back straightened in defiance. If I went home, it would look as if I was running away. I hadn't done anything to run away from.

Second period proved no different from homeroom. I had only been at my seat for no more than ten minutes when the stares began to penetrate my resolve to stay strong, and keep my head held high. I felt exposed, as if each and every person in the room could read my mind and see what I could barely admit to myself; that Edward's accident was completely my fault. I'd had the perfect opportunity to set him straight Friday afternoon. Instead, I was so taken aback by the anger he was directing at me, that it made me react defensively to him.

If I'd had half a spine—which was almost funny even as a suggestion—I would have protested with indignant denial that he had it wrong, while making him see reason. Instead, I turned my back on him and walked away, with the most incomprehensible look of betrayal in his eyes.

He _believed _I was seeing Mike, and I let him believe it.

Half way through the lesson, after being subjected to projectiles in the form of pieces of eraser for the most part, I noticed that a note was being passed around the room. It passed through every snickering pair of hands, adding to my discomfort just that fraction more, before it landed in front of me. I picked it up, ignoring my first instinct to disregard it, and unfolded it as the snickering stepped up a notch.

Cont…

* * *

**A/N: Bella … with the self-hatred...**


	16. I Still

**A/N: I'm starting to get lost...**

* * *

**Chapter 16**

**I Still...**

**Bella's POV**

**Roses are red violets are blue, did Cullen know you were doing Newton too?**

I scoffed only half beneath my breath.

I was doing Edward _and _Mike?

I screwed it up into a ball ready to throw it indignantly over my shoulder when I suddenly froze, as a new realisation began to dawn on me. Edward thought I was with Mike; it had been what he was so angry about the Friday before the party—angry being an understatement. Had he told others what he believed at the time was the truth, so that they would see his accident as my fault?

I felt an immediate nervous energy in my stomach, wanting to shake my head openly.

Edward wouldn't do that—he wouldn't!

From that moment on, the day went from bad to horrendous. I was shoved and shoulder barged between classes; not aggressive enough that I'd be hurt—physically that is—but enough that I felt the psychological intimidation. I found notes shoved in my locker calling me a slut and murderer and everything in between. I was sneered at by most people I passed, and the ones who didn't sneer stared with accusing eyes until I couldn't tell which was worse.

I tried to get from class to class looking as little as possible away from the ground and get through the day as best as I could. And all I could focus on was that Edward had done this to me. He'd told people I was with Mike, that I'd led him on—that I'd hurt him.

Hell, it's what I'd allowed him to believe; what did I expect? I was getting no more than I deserved.

By fourth period, however, I discovered that not the entire school believed all the rumours.

As I sat in my seat, cringing away from the stares and whispering, Angela sat beside me with a sympathetic expression worked into her welcoming smile.

"Bella, are you all right?" she whispered to me, her eyes burning with compassion.

I was so overcome by the sound of a friendly voice that when I spoke it almost came out as a pitiful sob, "I-I don't know what the hell's going on! Everyone's blaming me for what happened to Edward."

She nodded with a sigh. "I know. Have you heard the rumour?"

"That I murdered him? Yes!" The notion was so ridiculous that my tone flared hotly, earning me a few snickers from students sitting nearby. I ignored them, when what I really wanted to do was slam them in the face with my four hundred-page Maths book.

Angela smiled sympathetically. "What I heard was that Edward caught you cheating on him at the party with Mike and was so upset he got drunk."

"Huh?" I uttered blankly.

It was good news, wasn't it? It meant that Edward wasn't the cause behind it, but who would spread such a blatant lie?

"I know. I was right there when Mike jumped on you. I told everyone it's a lie, but I think it's taken on a life of its own." Her tone was sour.

I expelled my breath deeply with frustration, before looking up to meet Angela's sincere and compassionate gaze. "I'm not _together _with either of them, Angela. Edward's a friend ... I mean, we were—and well he got the impression I was with Mike, but..." I let my voice trail off. I was lost by the confusion of it and the lingering sense of guilt.

If I'd just found a spine deep inside me and set him straight on Friday...

"Mike's telling people you were seeing him," Angela added delicately.

I snapped my head up. "He is?" I uttered lowly as a pissed off energy filtered through my veins, settling hotly in my cheeks.

She nodded ruefully. "Yeah, apparently he's telling anyone who'll listen. So, if you were wondering where Edward got the impression from..."

I huffed out hotly, fuming.

Why the hell didn't he ask me or Alice? It could have saved all of us, all this bloody pain and heart ache!

"So, he's the one spreading this bullshit about me cheating on Edward?" My voice became restricted with anger.

Cheating? The notion was laughable since we'd only just become friends.

Angela shook her head slowly. "I don't think it's only him spreading it, but he's not denying any of it."

"Bloody _wanker_!" I burst a little too loudly.

Mike and I were going to have a long discussion about this as soon as I found him, I vowed.

"H-how is Edward anyway, Bella?" Angela asked me apprehensively after allowing me a moment to fume silently to myself.

I sighed letting go of my anger as my thoughts returned to Edward. "He's ... in a coma, but they're going to bring him out of it in a few days, apparently."

"So he's not ... going to...?" she asked delicately, looking aggrieved.

I shook my head. "I—they don't think so."

"Were you and Alice ... there?" she asked another question gently, and I knew by the tone in her voice that her main motive was concern.

The image of Edward lying on the side of the road bloodied and unconscious assaulted my thoughts. I wasn't quick enough to prevent the pain from flickering in my eyes, or from turning away to prevent Angela from witnessing it.

I cleared my throat softy. "We arrived not long after," I whispered.

Angela sighed with empathy and silently placed her hand on my shoulder, before saying with disgust, "Don't listen to these assholes, Bella."

"It's a little hard to avoid," I replied softly, thinking initially that I'd spoken it under my breath, instead of out loud.

Fourth period was a little easier to bear with Angela beside me. It was empowering knowing I had an ally, one person at least who saw through the lies. It was a different story when I was faced with the crowded halls alone afterwards. Shrinking pitifully into myself, I was continued to be blatantly pushed, shoved and jeered at in my haste to get to the cafeteria.

I didn't bother lining up to get lunch; the walk through the halls alone had used up my reserves of courage. I made my way to our table, pretending I didn't notice the stares, before almost fainting with relief seeing Rose and Jazz already seated there.

"Well, well, if it isn't the girl of the hour," Rose said looking up with a small smirk as I slumped into the chair next to her.

"So you've heard too, huh?" I replied, my tone laced with bitterness.

She nodded. "I must say, Bella, you certainly do know how to make an impression on people." Her dry tone was teasing.

"I seem to," I mumbled sarcastically.

"Bella! Can you believe what everyone is saying?" Nessie suddenly dropped into the chair on the other side of me, followed by Jake, bringing out a sarcastic, "Please, take a seat," from Rose.

Either they didn't hear her or they ignored her.

I shrugged. "I guess someone had to be the scape goat."

"That's bullshit, Bells. No one has said a thing to me—freaking pussies!" Jake blurted out, his expression twisted with anger.

It seemed to be a permanent fixture for him these days—because of me. I was a bloody disaster waiting to happen. Maybe I should have stayed where I was and dealt with Renee without taking the coward's way out by running away.

"Who'd start it?" Nessie asked knotting her eyebrows and shaking her head.

"Oh, I think I have a fair idea who," Rose spoke up, motioning with a tilt of her head in the direction where Jessica and Lauren sat.

"What!? Why?" I exclaimed, narrowing my eyes and feeling my jaw clench the longer my gaze lingered on Jessica.

"You don't know?" Rose asked me, quirking a dubious eyebrow.

I opened my mouth to reply but shut it almost immediately. Did I?

Rose's smirk deepened—right along with the shade of my face.

"That's it; I'm going to sort those bitches out!" Jake grumbled angrily, getting out of his chair with a loud scrape.

"Jake, steady there. Rose will handle her," Jazz spoke up with an amused grin.

Jake rather begrudgingly sat back down. I flashed him a grateful smile, and his face warmed a little in response.

If there was one thing you couldn't say about Jake, it was that he wasn't loyal. But, he really did take too much upon himself, especially where I was concerned.

"What are you going to do, baby? Scratch her eyes out?" Nessie teased him, stretching up to rub her nose against his.

"I might," Jake murmured in reply before pressing his lips to Nessie's.

Oh God...

Rose groaned only partially under her breath before her eyes met mine. She almost laughed. It was so foreign for her; I almost didn't recognise her behind it. But as we were all forced to endure unadulterated Nessie and Jake slop for what threatened to be the entire lunch break, she was quickly seeing no humour in it.

It was as if they weren't aware of where they were after a few moments as Rose, Jazz and I sat in awkward silence, unable to start a conversation over the slurping sounds. Rose went steadily green by the minute, pushing her food away in disgust as Jazz smothered his laughter with the palm of his hand.

"Jeez those two make Alley and I look tame, at best," Jazz mused as we walked from the cafeteria to our fifth period classes—I was glad for the company. My next class was Bio.

I snorted blatantly, teasingly. "Oh you reckon?"

He grinned sheepishly, his cheeks flushing slightly as his eyes clouded over wistfully for a fleeting moment.

After ripping his no doubt X-rated thoughts from Alice and back to me, his expression turned almost serious. "I heard what Newton's been telling everyone. I didn't want to say anything with Nessie there, but Edward's gonna rip his balls out when he gets back."

I felt myself stiffen and my impulses turn guarded. Edward could do as he pleased, but I couldn't pretend I didn't like the idea. But what did it imply? Was I going to wipe the slate clean when Edward got out of all this?

My heart leaped into my throat at the notion. I was both panicked and elated.

Jazz looked away awkwardly before turning back to me with an apologetic smile. "Sorry, Bella I ..." He abandoned it, rubbing the back of his neck absently.

I half shrugged, offering him an easy going smile before feeling my expression darken. "I'm going to speak to _Newton _today in Gym."

I wasn't planning on doing any ball ripping, but I was going to make sure he never opened his mouth to mention my name ever again!

As I headed towards Bio, Jazz and I parted. I was forced to continue the rest of the way feeling opened and exposed again. I put my head down and hurried my step to class.

I was pushed from behind just as Jessica passed me haughtily. Feeling myself go rigid, I was immediately angry. I stood on the spot fuming for a moment or two before again walking towards class, contemplating Rose's words earlier about the reason why Jessica had started the rumour. Slowing my pace, I found myself smirking broadly, despite the increased snickering from behind me.

For whatever reason, the "L" for loser sign I was used to up until that point had turned to a "W" for—after a second jolt from behind me, I whirled around ready to attack when I was faced with Rose. She was crumbling a piece of paper in her hands before she quickly hid it behind her back.

I sighed with resignation. "Rose, show me."

"It's crap, Bella. Not worth looking at," she replied.

"Rose," I repeated with another inevitable sigh.

She pulled the crumpled paper from behind her and held it out to me. I took it apprehensively, as though it might burn me, before flattening it out to read what was written on it.

It said one word: whore.

So that explained the W...

I found myself sobbing in the very same stall as the one I'd ran to that morning, having let Jessica Stanley humiliate me again. Jessica Stanley, who Edward took to the party Saturday night to hurt me—just as I'd hurt him.

_Get a fucking grip, Bella_! I told myself beneath my breath, and with growing impatience, I pulled myself hastily together and gathered all my determination to save face and walk back into the halls again. I left the stall, and as I approached the door, I was almost knocked backwards by Rose who was dragging a loudly protesting Jessica Stanley into the room.

She slammed her up against the wall, holding her there with her palm pressed against Jessica's shoulder.

_Bloody hell!_

I was in awe of her; she looked terrifying in her calmness, her eyes stone cold and ice blue.

"I'm going to tell you once, Stanley, and only once," she paused to exhale angrily through her nose, her eyes becoming all the more aggressive while her face didn't give up a single crease. "I don't like malicious rumours when it hurts my friends. So, if you don't stop this bullshit right now, so help me God, I will track you down and bleed you dry. You got that loud and clear?" Her tone was low, in full control, rising only slightly at the end, and her expression was nothing short of fierce.

Bloody hell, I envied her!

Jessica went pale, her eyes darting to me then back to Rose. I grinned at her slyly.

"I-I have no idea what you're on about, Rosalie!" Jessica retorted lamely, attempting to maintain a brave facade, but contradicted herself immediately by blinking repeatedly.

Rose took a measured breath in, closing her eyes shortly, before she then turned the full ferocity of them on Jessica; who shrank away from her.

I almost laughed, needing to cough it back.

"Don't _test_ me, Stanley," she threatened her, maintaining her ice cold calmness, before releasing Jessica disdainfully and shoving her towards the door without another glance in her direction. "Are you okay, Bella?" Her lips twitched with a hint of a smile.

I smiled and nodded, breaking into soft chuckling as Jessica scurried out of the bathroom, her face redder than I'd ever imagined mine was capable of.

"God knows I had to sort that bitch out, or we'd all be forced to put up with Jake and Nessie's _appetising_ acts of love for Christ knows how many more lunch breaks."

My laughter increased, and I nodded in agreement.

She _definitely_ had a point.

It was easier to walk to Biology—knowing there was going to be a huge gap next to me with the absence of Edward—while the image of Rose menacing Jessica to the point where she practically wet herself was still clearly in my mind.

I'd been dreading it all day. Every single Bio lesson I'd had Edward had been there. Whether I'd been angry with him or star crazed by his proximity, he was always there beside me, a pivotal presence; until now...

Sighing deeply and avoiding the thirty or so eyes that immediately came to rest on me, accompanied by snickers and whispered insults, I made my way to my seat. To mine and Edward's table, while trying to prevent my eyes from lingering on the empty stool beside me.

As I sat beside his chair, knowing that it wouldn't be filled by him any time soon, my cheerful mood quickly came to an abrupt, short lived halt, and my throat began to choke up.

I blinked back the threat of tears just as Mike Newton sat beside me—in Edward's chair!

Staring at his audacity, I was incredulous as he grinned back in what I could only presume was his deluded sense of charm. My eyes narrowed as my emotion quickly went from melancholy to pissed off!

"What do you think you're doing? That seat is taken!" My voice was high pitched and wavering with anger.

He only shrugged. "It's not as if Cullen is going to be needing—"

"Perhaps you didn't hear me, Mike. _That. Seat. Is. Taken,_" I interrupted him, picking up my Biology book ready to use it to smash his nose into his brain.

He flashed me again what I'm sure he thought was an appealing grin; he was sadly mistaken. "Surely you don't mind if I keep it warm 'till Cullen returns."

"GET OUT OF HIS CHAIR!" I exclaimed, completely losing it, despite the fact that the entire class was watching the development between the two of us. I held my book up ready to strike when Mr Banner entered the room with a strict clearing of his throat.

I looked over to him feeling myself become flustered and shaky, on the verge of angry tears.

His eyes were boring directly into Mike.

"Mr Newton, kindly take your regular seat," he spoke with authority. His eyes were narrowed dangerously, a huge contrast compared to his usual calm, controlled demeanour.

Mike got up with an arrogant grin before leisurely walking over to the table he shared with Jason. He winked at me as I raised my head to meet his gaze. My intention was to glare at him disdainfully; instead the anger he evoked in me caused my face to flush hotly. I tore my eyes away angrily.

I was still fuming half way into the lesson when yet another note was tossed on the table in front of me. I sighed with angry exasperation and was about to pick it up out of masochistic curiosity, if nothing else, when Mr Banner's hand swooped down to snatch it up.

He opened the note casually, with deliberate respite, before reading it, his eyebrows coming slowly together with irritation as he did.

"Who is responsible for _this_?" he asked holding the note out.

No answer; in fact the class grew increasingly quiet.

I sat with my eyes glued to the book in front of me, totally detesting the fact that more attention was now drawn to me; not that I really believed that was even possible.

"Oh come on. I'm sure who ever wrote this extremely witty piece would appreciate the recognition," his voice was sarcastic as he eyed each and every student with suspicion.

Except, of course, me.

I groaned internally, wishing like hell he'd get over it already.

No such luck. He made an intentional show of ripping the note into small pieces whilst starting a lecture on his intolerance for vindictiveness, then demanded that Mike Newton clean the mess up.

"If I catch any more of this garbage, every one of you will be on detention. Is that clear?" I didn't miss the pitied glance he threw in my direction, and I was positive there was a deliberate omission from his speech that went something like: _Except of course for Isabella Swan, whose school life has thus far been so pathetic that it could send her over the deep end._

I groaned again only barely beneath my breath and rubbed my forehead, praying for an aneurysm.

Before sixth period, and after making sure I was in complete control of my emotions, both anger and otherwise, I went in search of Mike.

I found him chatting outside the gym with a group of guys from our year; guys that had all given me crap that day. Immediately I got the impression that he was gloating about me. The skin at the back of my neck prickled with angry heat, and I was forced to stop myself and push it down with a deep unsteady breath before I was spurred forward again.

"Mike, can I talk to you for a moment?" I asked him with perfectly feigned politeness, without missing the cocky wink he threw in the direction of his cohorts.

I swallowed past another surge of anger, looking down at my feet as he approached me.

"Bella, from the land down under, what's up?" he asked with such an annoying show of self-assurance that the prickling of irritation began creeping up my spine again.

"I just wanted to know why you've been telling lies about me?" I demanded hotly, unable to pretend any longer that I was after courteous chit-chat.

His eyebrows shot up in genuine surprise before a slow grin spread across his face. "I haven't been telling lies, Bella."

"Oh really?" I arched an eyebrow sceptically. "Would you mind telling me why the entire school is under the impression that we have something going on?"

His grin broadened. "Well, I can't help what people choose to believe." His voice was a conceited drawl. He obviously had confidence in his own delusions that he was charming me.

I was becoming so pissed off my hands started trembling. I'd seen Renee head butt one of her lecherous dates once, and at that moment I seriously wanted to try it myself.

"Let's just say for a moment that I actually believe you. You've heard what people have been saying about me today. Why haven't you told them it's a lie?" I demanded angrily, folding my arms across my chest to stop my hands from shaking.

I looked at the ground momentarily, regaining my composure. When I looked back up, Mike's hand was wiping my hair away from my face with a brazen audaciousness that had me seeing more red than what was flushing my face.

"Get your hands off me!" I yelled threateningly.

He laughed. "Come on, Bella. Why are you playing games? Why are you pretending that you didn't feel anything while we were kissing? You don't have to feel guilty over Cullen, you know."

I think my mouth fell open. I think that my eyes welled with hot, angry tears, but I wasn't sure. All I was sure of was the level of rage that was ploughing through my veins as Mike's hand rose to touch my face again.

I punched him, hard, somewhere in the face. It sent him staggering backwards as a searing pain exploded in my hand and shot up my arm.

I gripped it tightly to my chest. "_Bloody hell—OW_!" I cried and began jumping around in small circles, clutching it tighter. "Bugger it! Bugger, bugger—shit!"

I shot my head in the direction where Mike stood, ready to punch him again if need be. His head was bent and his palm was covering his mouth as blood trickled between his fingers.

His shocked eyes met mine, shining with humiliation and pain, before he quickly masked it behind indignation.

"Stay away from me, Mike, or next time ..." Breaking myself off, I made an angry disgusted noise before turning and shouldering my way through the gym doors, still cradling my stricken hand.

I explained away my cut and bleeding hand by telling Coach Clapp that I'd fallen over. Since he'd witnessed my lack of coordination on numerous occasions first hand, he swallowed it easy enough.

Gym was much easier to deal with on the side lines, especially with the very obvious absence of Mike Newton—and not to mention Jessica Stanley. She couldn't manage a side way glance in my direction, much less one of her former sneers.

For the first time that day, a genuine smile spread broadly across my face and stayed there the entire lesson.

By the time the day was finally over and racked up, without a doubt, as the worst school day of my life so far, my hand had swollen to twice its normal size and was bruising darker by the second. I was a little worried I'd done some damage, but I hated to put Billy through more stress where I was concerned. I was sure he wanted to wash his hands of me and ship me back to Australia with a large _'do not return' _sign stapled to my forehead.

I ran into Jazz and Rose as I headed to my Jeep. Jazz's eyes immediately fell to my hand that I'd been subconsciously rubbing.

"Yowza! Bella, did you fall over in gym?" he asked, appraising my hand with alarm.

"Oh." I looked down at it and felt my cheeks deepen in colour. "No, I punched that wanker, Mike Newton, in the face," I admitted sheepishly.

His eyebrows shot up as his lips twitched with sudden amusement. "Newton?"

I nodded with a small grin as Rose began chuckling beside me.

"You go girl!" She gently took my hand in hers to inspect it more closely, her eyebrows pulling together as she evaluated it. "Hmm, Bella, you might want to see a doctor, though."

"Nah, it's okay. I'll put some ice on it when I get home," I replied, shrugging.

I could still move my fingers, so...

"Jeez, I'd love to see what Newton looks like right now," Jazz added, his blue eyes bright and creasing with laughter.

I half shrugged with irritation. "If I never see him again, it'll be too soon." My tone was a little too sincere. I was beginning to dislike Mike Newton with a passion.

**...**

Jake was riding home without Nessie that afternoon, and since she didn't always ride with us, I thought nothing of it.

As soon as he pulled his massive form into the front passenger seat, he spotted my hand that I was resting precariously on the steering wheel.

His eye brows shot up in surprise. "Crap, Bells, what the heck did you do to your hand?"

When I didn't immediately reply he continued. If truth be told, I was contemplating whether I should be honest or skim over the facts, due to his girlfriend being Mike's sister. "Don't tell me you sorted that bitch, Stanley, out? Bells, I'm so freaking proud of you!" His eyes suddenly lit up with amusement and his laugh was whole-hearted—and contagious.

Apart of me wished it _was _Jessica's face I'd broken my hand on. "Um, it wasn't exactly Jessica, but it was a person who was telling lies about me."

Jake continued to laugh, shaking his head to himself in wonder. "Just when I thought you didn't have it in ya, but I knew I'd rub off on you sooner or later."

I chuckled lightly with him, glad for the most part that he didn't inquire further.

**...**

My routine of getting home, checking emails and answering machines before I could breathe in relief and relax a bit knowing Kel had survived another day was still intact, despite what was happening with Edward and my horrendous day at school. The second thing I did was take a frozen packet of peas from the freezer, wrapping it around my hand with a tea towel before disappearing back into my room, in hopes that I could recover some semblance of my sanity that had been lost that day. The third thing I did was overhear the very foreign sound of Jake arguing with Nessie over the phone.

Sitting up in bed in surprised, I angled my head towards the living room, shamelessly eavesdropping.

"Babe, it's bullshit! Bella wouldn't do something like that for nothing—your brother is a liar." Jake's tone was a mixture of annoyance and anxiety.

I groaned. The whole thing with Mike was obviously out in the open, and again I was continuing to affect the lives of people I loved in a negative way.

I went back down stairs just as the yelling intensified. The notion of Jake and Nessie fighting was so utterly bizarre, and since it was me that inspired it, made it that little bit worse.

"She's been getting crapped over all day because of what happened to Cu—Edward"—

I smiled to myself as Jake quickly corrected himself just as I walked into the room.

—"and it has _something _to do with your douche of a brother!"

I sighed and held my hand out, motioning for Jake to give me the receiver. Which he did—reluctantly—after a moment.

"Ness, it's Bella." My voice was calm.

"Bella, what did you do? Mikes mouth is split open! He's a mess!" Her voice was shrill. I cringed away from it, as did Jake who'd heard it along with half the population of Forks, no doubt.

I waited patiently for her to finish. "Nessie, I love you, but I'm sorry, your brother is an asshole."

Jake's eyebrows shot up in surprise. I wasn't perturbed; I was just saying it how it was. In fact, it was nowhere near the velocity of my feelings toward him.

"What did he do, Bella?" Nessie challenged me, before continuing. "He said you punched him because you were angry about Edward."

I groaned softly to myself, closing my eyes and rubbing my forehead in exasperation. "He's been telling lies about me, and then he had the nerve to deny it." I was unable to keep the aggravation from seeping into my tone—not that I regretted it at all.

"What lies?" Nessie asked, her defiance fading with the pitch of her voice.

"Well, he seems to think, in his twisted and deluded mind, that he and I have something going on!" I answered her shortly.

There was a pause. "Well ... you do, don't you?" Her tone was laced with confusion.

"_What_!?" I exclaimed blankly, my frustration teetering on total loss of control. "NO!"

"Didn't you kiss him at the party? He said you guys hooked up," she relayed beginning to sound more and more uncertain.

I almost dropped the phone. In fact, I almost threw it across the room out of a fit of impatience. "No. What happened was he _attacked_ me at the party before Emmett Cullen dragged him off me!"

Another pause.

I groaned loudly, handing the receiver back to Jake, past all tolerance.

Plonking myself on the lounge, I huffed brashly. Despite the situation, I knew I'd continue to feel guilty and uneasy until they made up again. Thankfully, it only took a couple of minutes before they were in full force phone slop.

Scoffing softly to myself, I headed back to my room.

I was half way up the stairs when the ridiculous rap music ringtone Jake had installed on my phone began blasting from inside my bedroom. I raced in, almost killing myself on the last step, and grabbed it.

Alice.

"Hey, Als!" I said brightly.

"Bella!" she exclaimed full of alarm. "Jazzy just told me what happened today! Oh my god! Are you okay?"

"Alice, I'm fine, really. Rose took care of Jessica, and I took care of Mike—it's all good!"

"Uh-huh; Jazz told me about that too." I could practically see her smirk behind the sudden shrewd tone of her voice.

I chuckled softly. "He had it coming."

She broke into gentle laugher along with me.

"I can't wait to tell Edward—" she cut herself off abruptly, sighing into the phone.

"It's fine, Alice. How is Edward anyway?" My tone only had a slight edge to it.

"He's doing really well. They're going to bring him out of the coma tomorrow apparently, so he'll start to wake up Wednesday. How's Kel?" She was excited, and if truth be told, I was too—not to mention overwhelmingly relieved and panicked beyond my wits.

"That's great, Al, really, and Kel is hanging on still." My voice was soft, I didn't mean for it to be, I didn't want Alice worrying about me. She worried too much about everyone, and me too much.

There was a slight pause.

"Y-you still going to come in and see him again?" She sounded suddenly unsure.

"I said I would, didn't I?" I teased her.

"Bella ... you know you don't have to do anything you don't want to. Edward hurt you; it's okay to still feel angry about it."

"I know." I took a heavy breath. "Alice, at the moment I don't know how I feel, but I'll come and see him. I-I want to," I replied seriously. It was the truth—in a sense.

"Okay and I'll come to school tomorrow. If anyone dares—."

I interrupted her immediately, "No you are not! I told you, Alice, I'm fine. I can take care of myself," I insisted, sternly.

I was finding out more and more that I could

**...**

I was just starting my homework when Jake knocked on my door before popping his head around a moment later. "Hey, Bells."

I grinned at him warmly. "What's up, Jake?"

"Nessie wanted to say sorry about Mike and all that," he mumbled awkwardly. He stood in the middle of my room with a look of sheepish guilt on his face.

It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him it wasn't his fault that his girlfriend's brother was a dickhead, but decided against it. Instead, I shrugged still half smiling; the other half had fallen instantly at the mention of _Newton_. "It's no problem."

"Jeez, Bells, why didn't you tell me what he did to you at the party? I would have gladly broken the creep's face." His eyes were still reflecting guilt along with sudden regret.

My grin broadened before I reminded him, teasingly, "Um ... well you and Nessie were kind of preoccupied."

He broke into an abashed grin. "Yeah, I guess so," he mumbled.

I exhaled deeply with a soft chuckle. "It's okay, Jake. I mean, sheesh, between you and Alice..."

"Well, now that you can take care of yourself and everything ..." he joked.

Holding up my injured hand in emphasis, I nodded, grinning broadly.

Jake paused; he seemed to be deliberating with himself before he sat down on the edge of my bed. It bent sharply on a lopsided angle, spilling my homework on to the floor. He leaned down to retrieve it, the springs letting out a high pitched wail in protest.

I watched him curiously as he continued his deliberation, fiddling with the edge of my quilt, a frown etching into his features. It took him a good two minutes before he opened his mouth to speak.

"So, Bells ... are you okay?" he asked me. He was completely serious.

I nodded. "I'm fine," I answered with a half shrug, becoming puzzled.

"You're not," he stated flatly before releasing his breath. "This whole thing with Cu—Edward has thrown you."

I sighed beneath my breath, massaging my forehead with my fingertips before looking over at him. "Jeez, Jake, not everything I do involves Edward," I mumbled, feeling myself becoming annoyed and uneasy by this conversation.

He paused again, as if gathering his thoughts, before continuing, "A few months before you came, Bells, Nessie went hiking in the woods with a couple of her friends," he paused and glanced at me. I nodded, feeling my brow furrow, unsure where he was going. "Anyway, they got lost. It got dark and they weren't back." His eyes deepened until they were charcoal pools swimming with sudden emotion. Again he paused and glanced at me, and again I nodded becoming more and more confused. "That look you had on your face, Bells, when you found out I hit Cul—Edward—" he broke off, his expression had grown sympathetic.

I stopped nodding and realised that I was holding my breath. I wasn't sure why, but as I waited for him to finish, I felt like I was suspended.

"It's the same look I had when Nessie was lost. I know what you feel about him, Bells. I can see it in your face." He was smiling by then with … pity.

I blinked, stunned.

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Closing it again, I released my bated breath, feeling heat begin to circulate in my cheeks as I contemplated it.

He could see it on my face? See what?

His smile had turned gentle but his eyes began to reflect the blaze of hostility I'd seen only with his run-ins with Edward. "Don't let him hurt you, Bells, or I swear next time—"

Becoming resigned, I interrupted him, "Jake..." My voice was soft, jaded, managing just a hint of irritation but otherwise remained jarred.

"Just be careful, Bells. I don't want to see you get hurt. You deserve..." he abandoned it. I suspected because he was about to tell me I deserved someone better than _Cullen_.

I nodded.

He left then, leaving me to the torture of my thoughts. A fraction of a second later, I jumped off my bed and made my way over to my Chad framed mirror. I stared long and hard at my reflection, looking for any sign in my features that would validate what Jake had said. What stared back was the same girl with my father's dark brown eyes that reflected all the same fears and apprehension as they did when I was back in Australia. There was nothing to suggest I was in love with Edward.

Nothing.

I barely slept that night.

**...**

Tuesday.

I was still a murderer and a whore, and though Mike Newton had had an unfortunate accident on his push bike, splitting his lip open, we were still _screwing _around behind Edward's back.

And speaking of Edward, he was being brought out of his coma.

I'd agreed to go and see him Wednesday after school with Alice—so long as he woke up without any complications, that is.

As usual when I was dreading something it seemed to come around faster than it otherwise should have, and before I knew it, I was pacing back and forth across the living room as I waited for Alice to arrive.

Jake and Nessie's slopping session was constantly interrupted by Jake breaking away to gaze at me with concern. I was careful to avoid his gaze; I knew what was written in his eyes—it was the same look he'd had since the moment I met Edward. At least back then I could tell myself it was just because of all the bad blood between the two of them, but after what he'd said Monday afternoon...

I turned towards him almost subconsciously, his eyes met mine and the warning behind them still shone with clarity.

_He'll hurt you, Bells. You know it, and I know it._

With a huff, I turned completely away from him and continued to pace around the furniture. My stomach was a mass of knots and lunges, and I was becoming increasingly agitated by my reaction.

I'd sat next to Edward in Bio for an hour every day; surely I could handle another one. It was just another hour with him—that was all!

I huffed shortly to myself; it was a hollow thought. Things were different; I wasn't sure how, just that they were.

Of course, there was the written-all-over-my-face thing to consider, and if that was true, who else was aware of it other than Jake?

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. I'd done it so many times already that long strands of hair had become constantly tangled around my fingers. It didn't prevent me from doing it more, and I was sure I'd end up bald by the week's end.

Jake broke away again, his eyes following me with unease as I stalked back and forth, obviously procrastinating on whether he should say something, when Nessie jumped up in exasperation.

"Bella! Sit and relax." She grabbed me by the shoulders and forced me to sit on the recliner, where I'd get a front row seat to the slopping. "You have another half an hour to wait and you're making me jumpy!" She snatched up the remote control and switched on the television for my benefit before she curled up on the sofa with Jake again.

Taking a conceding breath, I turned my attention to the television.

Dr Phil.

He was talking about infidelity in marriage or something, when, in his articulate southern accent, he spoke straight to me through the screen.

"The best indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour."

_Gah!_

Hastily I switched the television off as if some creepy black haired girl was going to crawl out of it and murder me horrendously. Turning, I caught Jake's gaze. He was smirking to himself all too knowingly in between kisses.

I groaned inwardly.

So what! It wasn't as if Edward acted without interference. Mike-the-wanker-Newton was the one telling lies, but my heart still sank when I went over everything that led to that horrible night. Edward had believed whatever Mike had been saying—just like the majority of students at school believed it. He'd acted no differently; in fact he was the _first_ person to believe it. The realisation of it stung.

I shook my head to myself in frustration, trying to shake all the doubt and insecurity from my mind. I was going to visit Edward in hospital—that was it. It wasn't as if he was proposing marriage!

I was happier pacing. At least then I wasn't thrown into turmoil with bloody words of wisdom from bald psychologists. Besides, Jake and Nessie had upped the ante on the slurping and it was getting on my last nerve. If I was forced into a close encounter of it for much longer, I was going to chuck a massive hissy.

How the hell was I supposed to think rationally with their foreplay going on around me?

"Guys!" I finally snapped after walking into the kitchen and still cringing from the sound of it. "Would you get a bloody room already?"

Jake broke away all drooly-faced and grinned mischievously. "Bells, we're not allowed in the rooms. You know that."

I sighed and decided to wait for Alice outside. The chill air was sure to snap some rational thought into me, as well as cool my burning face, and with a bit of luck, by the time Alice arrived, I wouldn't look as overwrought as I felt.

Of course, she arrived early. It was probably a good thing; I was wound so tight I didn't think I could last a minute longer without having a total melt down.

She had a completely over exaggerated look of excitement on her face that it was hard not to feel affected. It infiltrated me after only a fraction of a moment and soon my knotted stomach was fluttering with eager anticipation.

"Bella! Hey!" She jumped out of the car to hug me impulsively. "He's awake!"

My heart skipped a beat and ached a little in my chest as it did so. "That's great news, Alice."

It was—more than I could possibly fathom at this point.

I climbed into the passenger seat as Alice practically pranced around to the driver's side and jumped in, closing the door and starting the engine simultaneously.

"He's very drowsy and groggy and he's saying some funny things, but..." she paused to sigh with sudden emotion, "I can't tell you how relieved I am, Bella."

I nodded, feeling my throat begin to choke a little. "I think I have a good idea, Alice," I whispered.

She turned to glance at me, smiling sadly, before turning her attention back to the road.

We drove in silence. I suspected Alice knew I had a lot on my mind and left me to my thoughts, as I tried in vain to comprehend what I felt about Edward now that he was recovering.

Was anything different?

Would it change?

Did I owe him another chance?

Twenty minutes later we arrived at the hospital. I felt my face steadily pale and my blood run cold in my veins at just contemplating exiting the car, but with a resigned sigh, I allowed Alice to pull me from it. She linked her arm through mine enthusiastically and hauled me into the building as my heart continued to thud, unyielding in its tirade, making me feel weak and feeble.

I tried not to focus on anything except keeping my legs from turning to jelly and my breathing measured and even. Five minutes later, three floors up, and around the final corner to the ICU, and I was a mess of trembling, exhausted nerves and growing panic.

"Bella, relax, it's not like last time. He's off those horrible machines." Alice, who still had her arm linked through mine, was all but dragging me—and holding me up.

Could I tell her the real reason why the panic had ebbed its way back into my heart? That I was in love wholeheartedly with her brother and just as fearful about what he would do to me.

No.

I nodded, swallowing hard, taking a large breath to calm myself—commanding myself not to repeat the last visit, and keep it together.

Esme was outside Edward's room speaking with Dr Masen. She was smiling, her face bright and her eyes glistening. It was a complete contrast to the last time I saw her—regardless of the unwavering calm she seemed to possess.

She turned as we approached and her smile broadened. Alice released me to hug her mother affectionately. Esme returned her hug, kissing Alice's forehead affectionately, before she turned to me.

"Hello, Bella." Her tone was thick with warmth.

"Hi." My voice was soft and hitched. I offered up a smile that I hoped didn't make me look half insane—considering the jittery energy that was coursing through me.

She approached me almost apprehensively, as though I was a deer that might be easily frightened and take flight, before taking me into her arms to embrace me gently but briefly. My back tensed involuntarily, before I felt myself relax a fraction in the warmth of her arms.

"I'm so glad you've come." Her voice was tender with sincerity.

"Me too," I replied in a quiet whisper.

"Can I take Bella in, Carlisle?" Alice asked the blond doctor, who pushed his glasses back and smiled, nodding once.

"That should be fine, but not too long."

"Kay," Alice said grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the door.

My clammy hand practically slipped from her grip, threatening to send me stumbling backwards. I only clutched Alice's hand tighter, and, taking a deep breath, willingly accompanied her into the room.

The second my eyes fell on Edward my breath automatically drew in, and just like last time, my heart seemed to come to an aching halt. He was lying peacefully sleeping, a blue hospital gown draped loosely over him, untied. His chest was rising and falling in a natural rhythm, unlike when he was attached to the respirator. The only visible tubes I could see were the drip in his hand, and the heart monitors that disappeared under his gown.

I stepped closer to him, vaguely aware that Alice had hung back, and gazed down into his face.

He drew his eyebrows slowly together and let out a soft, drowsy moan, before inhaling and letting it out with a long breath. Then languidly, he opened his eyes.

As they met mine, my chest instantly tightened with a sudden swelling of emotion. He smiled, kind of drunkenly and delicately moistened his lips, before his eyes dipped closed momentarily.

"Bella," his voice was strained and croaky from lack of use, "please don't leave."

Right then and there my heart was broken. My eyes immediately welled with tears as I was quite literally engulfed by a tsunami of emotion. It left me reeling with the entire array of accompanied clichés; hammering heart; racing pulse—birds singing—before a broad smile broke slowly across my face.

I loved him. A couple of dozen or so Biology classes, a few fractured moments, and a hell of a lot of pens, and I had fallen in love with him.

He opened his eyes again; they were bloodshot and his iris' were dull, but it was still Edward behind them.

It had always been Edward.

I took his hand gently in mine. It was warm, and the skin on my palm tingled with the contact.

Shaking my head, I whispered. "I won't leave, Edward."

He half smiled sleepily before his eyes once again closed. Then, struggling to clear his throat, he spoke again, his voice hoarse and even croakier than the last time. It drew an affectionate smile involuntarily to my lips. "I'm so cold when you're not here."

The choking snorting sound from behind me suddenly alerted me to the fact that Emmett was in the room.

"Emmett!" I heard Alice hiss, but I didn't turn around. My eyes stayed locked on Edward as I surrendered myself to the emotional release. It left my heart unburdened finally from the months of resistance that had weighed me down and held me back.

"Just when I thought Edith couldn't get any funnier, he goes into a coma," Emmett quipped from behind me.

Sighing softly to myself, I turned my head to look over my shoulder, meeting Alice's gaze. She rolled her eyes, a wry smirk on her expression. I smiled at her broadly in response, feeling completely free and weightless for the first time in months.

I turned back toward Edward, but before I could focus my attention on him again the panic had already hit. It was as monumental as it was debilitating. It started in my stomach and tore through my chest with a force that almost knocked me off my feet. In its momentum it broke the spell that had momentarily rendered me open and vulnerable. What was left was the brutal truth of reality that had reached out, clenched my heart closed, and snapped my senses back in place.

The next thing I was aware of was Alice dragging me from the room as I struggled to breathe, struggled to grasp the truth, while recoiling from the enormity of what my mind was screaming to me.

_He will break your heart! You know it, Jake knows it, even Dr-bloody-Phil knows it!_

* * *

**A/N: Yes Dr Phil knows everything... **


	17. My Smile

**A/N: Huh? What's this development?**

* * *

**Chapter 17**

**My Smile**

**Edward's POV**

I had Bella on my back, carrying her up the stairs. I had to prove to her somehow that I was completely recovered. She kept insisting that I take it easy; which was code for _us _taking it easy as well.

It was freaking torture.

Bella obviously had it in her head that just because I was _convalescing_—as Carlisle put it—it extended to _every _physical part of me. She was so completely cavalier when it came to touching and kissing me, it was as though she thought I wouldn't be able to do anything even if I wanted to. It had become increasingly hard for me to remain in control. All my primitive brain could focus on was her flawless skin, her soft pouty lips, and all the lustful things I'd envisioned doing with her now that she was finally mine.

We'd been on the sofa watching a DVD with Alice and Jazz. Though _watching_ was a widespread interpretation for those two. They'd stopped watching during the opening credits and began _slopping _over each other—a term Bella would often use—with Jazz getting a little too hands on than I was altogether comfortable with.

The jackass seemed to think that just because I had a girlfriend too, there was a new set of rules that meant he could feel up my sister in front of me.

I'd struggled to keep the anger from tensing my muscles as Bella, who was sitting curled up into the side of me, surveyed them with secret amusement. Only moments before she'd been kissing every finger on my hand slowly and tenderly as she trailed her fingertips absently up and down my leg. The heat had immediately prickled up the back of my neck, before it shot down my body, giving me an immediate fucking boner.

Bella still evoked a feverish reaction from me, only now it had amplified to ridiculous freaking heights that had Carlisle constantly convinced that I had some kind of secondary infection.

Her hand reached up and cupped my cheek, and she turned my face to meet her gaze—just as my throbbing erection faded by the prick Jazz with his hands all over my sister.

"Don't watch them, Edward," she said softly, still smiling; only it had changed to that smile she reserved only for me. A smile that was kind of an affectionate tenderness that mirrored in her deep, reflective eyes. It tormented me because it always tore me straight down the middle of wanting to hold her in my arms, to ripping the clothes from her body.

I was lost, jarred; just as I always was when she turned her gaze to me. I opened my mouth about to say something stupidly charming, when she closed her mouth over mine and all cognitive thought faded from my mind.

I pulled her tightly to me as she grabbed fistfuls of my shirt, dragging me to her. I could never get her close enough, and it didn't help that she immediately backed away—obviously remembering my _convalescing_ state—her grip on me slackening; her lips against mine closing.

I groaned, but she mistook it for pleasure, her lips that were still pressed to mine, curled upwards. She broke away and began teasing me to the point of psychological torture by kissing my neck and ear—always the ear; she had some kind of fixation with my ears. But still, her lips were hot against my already torched skin, and it was freaking agony!

"Bella?" I whispered, my voice breaking and going slightly higher.

"Mmm?" She continued to kiss my neck, before making her way back to my earlobe as her fingers curled through my hair.

Oh god, she was sucking my ear!

I groaned again, this time with conquered desire, my skin reaching boiling point.

What was I about to ask her?

I was still peripherally aware that on the sofa opposite ours _Pixie Pie_ and _Jazzy_ had stepped it up a notch. My groan this time was exasperated, my coherency snapping back instantly. Bella tried to smother back a laugh, and her breath blew out against my neck, that did nothing to ease my frustration.

I stood up a little too quickly, pulling her with me and had to pull out all the stops to prevent the moan from escaping my lips as my ribs objected sharply. She gazed at me questioningly, her eyebrows bunching together with confusion.

"We're going up stairs. Either that or I break _Jazzy's_ neck." I tried to sound all self-assured and charismatic, but my heart was thudding heavily, only adding to the discomfort of my already fucked up body.

The smile again, knowing tenderness, as she paused to briefly contemplate it. "Okay."

Taking her hand, I led her to the stairs where she stopped me, a frown working into her expression. "Edward … you're still recovering."

"Bella," I paused to sigh, "it's been four _bloody_ weeks," I teased her warmly, though it was nowhere near as sexy when I said it.

Again the smile, only edged with skepticism. I groaned internally.

"Want me to prove it?" I challenged her.

She tilted her head, her smile fading only slightly, obviously wanting me to, but weighing up whether I really should attempt it in my current condition; my condition that she still blamed herself for.

I released the air from my lungs, an audible expression of both affection and concern. She was too old for seventeen. Behind those deep eyes of hers she was at least one hundred and ten.

Without waiting for her answer, I hoisted her onto my back. My abdomen protested immediately, but I ignored it; it was tolerable.

"See? You believe me now?" I glanced at her over my shoulder, noting her surprise, as a broad grin spread across my face. Call me a Neanderthal, but it was important to me that as her boyfriend, she was aware that I wasn't pitifully decrepit.

"You big faker!" she teased me, almost making me baulk.

I could feel my expression transfix with indignation. I had tried everything I could, unsuccessfully, for the past two weeks to get her to believe I was recovered—enough to venture past our gentle_ slopping; _at least, gentle, only on her part.

The smile she flashed me only partially melted my exasperation. She kissed me again, a little deeper than what I was used to, before pulling away only fractionally.

"I'm sorry, Edward," she murmured. Her breath washed over my lips. It was practically cool against the heat that was swelling through me.

I broke into a grin, the same goofy grin that she'd probably become accustomed to, and began scaling the stairs carefully, wishing I could run her up two at a time. The dull ache clawed deep inside my stomach but was quickly overshadowed by my throbbing dick again as she kissed the back of my neck and played with my ears.

When we reached the landing, she insisted on climbing off my back, and I took her hand and led her into my room; closing the door behind us. Then, taking me by complete surprise, she threw herself into my arms, and wrapped her legs tightly around my waist. I thought I was going to fucking collapse, and it must have been my erection alone that kept me upright.

She kissed me with a new fervor, running her fingers through my hair before encircling her arms securely around my neck. Opening her mouth to me, her tongue connected against mine, causing a fucked up primitive arousal in me that burned my skin. A deep muffled moan erupted from me, vibrating against her lips.

She pulled away, her eyebrows pulling slowly together.

"Edward—you're hot." She was breathless, and her eyes that had darkened to flames of brown were also blazing with concern.

I grinned at her. "And you're beautiful." I bent down to kiss her again just as _my_ _smile_ was twitching at her lips.

My stomach began to ache with the weight of her, coupled with all the circulation that was now concentrated and expanding painfully in my groin. I put her down on her feet, continuing to hold her tightly to me, our lips not breaking apart as I kissed her with growing intensity.

In no time I began to get a serious crick in my neck that was distracting me and threatening to deflate my hard on. Picking her up, I carried her to the bed where she again grabbed a fistful of my shirt and pulled me with her until I was lying flatly on top of her. I quickly pulled myself up onto my palms, as my restricted fucking dick pounded in anticipation.

I had to get my jeans off before I snapped in two, but it wasn't like I could be an assuming bastard and just take them off. As far as I knew, all Bella wanted to do was fool around.

I pulled back; Bella's eyes were burning, her face ruddy and hot—and it was fucking hard to tear my gaze from her lips; her pouty lips that were red and slightly swollen.

"Baby, do you want me to stop?" I asked her, trying to maintain some control over my heaving lungs.

She gazed into my eyes for the longest time, her eyes infinite in their depths, her chest rising and falling in sync with mine. Then, _that_ _smile_ slowly lit up across her face. She only shook her head slowly in answer before her hand reached behind my neck, pulling me down to meet her lips again.

With one hand on the bed beside her, supporting my weight precariously, I used the other to attempt to undo my jeans clumsily. As I fumbled with the button, I almost lost my hold above her. I broke away from her lips, turning my head to see what the hell I was doing, when her hands came to my jeans unbuttoning and unzipping them gingerly.

Instant relief.

I suppressed a moan, before pulling us to our knees. My jeans slipped down my hips, and I pressed my mouth hungrily to hers again, while her lips parted tantalizingly slow.

Her hands began to inch under my shirt before she wrapped them fully around my back beneath it; they burned me, yet were almost cool. I broke off momentarily to pull my shirt over my head and toss it over the side of the bed.

Again, Bella lay back, pulling me against her a little too hastily. I lost my balance and my chest crashed against hers.

"I'm sorry, baby," I mumbled breathlessly into her neck, tentatively pulling her top half off her, supporting my weight on one elbow.

Bella made some murmuring, incoherent reply before wrapping her fingers through my hair. She kissed me again hotly, as I tentatively slipped my palm under her shirt, sliding it up as I went; her skin was so fucking soft and supple beneath my fingers. I tore my lips from hers and pulled back so I could gaze down at her, with my heart pounding mercilessly behind my ribs. She smiled again, tender affection, then took my hand and slid it up to cup over her breast. My eyes followed as another surge of fucked up horniness forced me fully erect. I collapsed against her, kissing her hard, and with my jeans hovering around my knees, I was suddenly digging hot and hard against her lower stomach.

"Edward?"

_Mom?_

I panicked, my heart suddenly picking up more speed—hammering frantically. Mom was coming in! In fact, she sounded like she was already in the room.

My eyes suddenly snapped open, and I blinked with confusion. Bella was gone and I was laying on my back, breathless and sweaty, my stomach protesting violently with each sharp intake of air. I was hotter than hell and had the biggest, raging hard on of my life as I stared into my mother's warm, cheerful eyes.

It was a dream—of course it was a fucking dream!

"Hey, honey, I'm just bringing your medication to you. You slept like a log last night; I didn't want to wake you." Her eyes then dipped _down_, and a small smirk tugged at her lips.

_Oh Jesus!_

"Mom!" I exclaimed in protest, quickly turning on my side and wincing as pain shot through me.

"I'm sorry, honey. I'll go now." She placed the pills and a glass of water on my side table and turned to leave, but not before I caught a glimpse of the amused smirk on her face broadening.

Groaning softly to myself, I tentatively turned over onto my back again, bringing my hands to my face and running them back through my hair in growing frustration.

I gave myself a few minutes for my heart to steady and my hard on to disappear. It had remained hard, despite the fact that my mother had spied it. But then my entire body was still pulsating from the freaking dream!

I turned my attention to the painkillers. I didn't really like taking them, and unless I made sudden movements, or did anything too vigorous—which included erotic dreams about Bella—I wasn't in that much pain. They made me spacey, and I generally only took them to keep Mom happy.

Reaching over, I grabbed one pill leaving the other, shoved it in my mouth and washed it down with a quick gulp of water.

A knock at the door.

The little rat, judging from the very _un_-Alice-like courtesy behind it; Un-Alice-like until recently, that is.

She popped her head around the door a moment later. "Hey, Edward, Mom said you were awake."

She stepped into the room apprehensively, her face tender and full of emotion—just as it had been every time she'd looked at me since I'd woken up.

"What do you want, Alice?" I asked her, sitting myself up with awkward clumsiness and feeling the smile twitch at my lips. A moment later, it spread broadly across my face. Despite that fact that the little rat had barely given me a minute to myself since I'd come home, her presence gave me a warm kind of comfort.

Her eyes met mine and she grinned back. "Can't I hang out with my brother?" she answered with feigned indignation.

"You hung out with me all day yesterday, if you've forgotten," I teased her, when inside I felt like shit. Alice felt responsible for what had happened, and to make it infinitely worse, so did Bella.

I'd heard Alice speaking to her the night before on the phone as I was walking past her room. She'd spoken Bella's name and I'd stopped dead in my tracks and shamelessly tilted my head closer to her door. Though, I don't think I would have been able to walk away if I tried.

"Bella, don't say that! It's _not _your fault. That bastard Newton was the one spreading bullshit." Alice's tone had been as furious as it was insistent.

_Bella blamed herself?_ My heart had jarred behind my ribs at the notion of it. I was the one that had acted like a complete prick; none of it was her fault.

Why would she blame herself?

As I continued to eavesdrop, my pulse picked up in speed as guilt slowly began to gnaw at my chest.

Alice spoke again.

"How could you tell him? He didn't give you a chance to. Edward can be such a hot-head sometimes."

I'd groaned inwardly. _Way to accentuate my good points, Alice!_

I'd tactfully asked Alice, while I was still in the hell hole they call hospital, if Bella was likely to visit again. I hated the thought that she had seen me when I was out cold. Idiot Emmett had taken a photo of me when I was unconscious, and I looked fucking hellish at best. Her second visit, when I was incoherent, I barely recalled. Alice had explained rather gently, as if it would upset me—which pissed me off—that it had been very hard for Bella the first two times and to give her some time.

In truth, I was surprised that Bella had come to see me at all. It was more than I'd expected—or hoped for. I assumed she'd never want to speak to me again and after everything I had put her through, I could hardly blame her.

"You okay? You're spacing out a bit," Alice asked me gently, breaking me from my thoughts.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I replied absently.

She didn't push me on it, when a couple of weeks ago she wouldn't have been able to let it go.

"So, Jazz is coming around today to watch a DVD. Do you want to join us?"

"So I can watch him feel you up? No thanks," I retorted dryly.

She folded her arms, immediately indignant. "When exactly has that ever happened?" she demanded.

Old Alice, I liked it.

I felt my lips twitch immediately. She had a point and it should have made the dream all the more unrealistic. Jazz would never have had the nerve to act that way with Alice while I was in the room—whether I was _convalescing_ or not.

"Okay, I'll think about it," I replied, rubbing my forehead with my fingertips. I closed my eyes momentarily allowing flashes of the dream to seep back to me. My temperature immediately hiked, but I pushed it back hastily before anything else could react.

In front of mom was bad enough, but in front of Alice!

It was a dream, nothing more.

When I looked back up at Alice she was gazing at me, and the guilt in her eyes was suddenly intensifying. "Edward ... I'm really sorry about..."

I exhaled deeply; she was apologizing again?

"Alice," I complained quietly but firmly, "you've apologized every day, at least ten times a day. How many times do I have to tell you? None of it was your fault!"

"I know, but we had a fight and then..." She let her voice trail off, her eyes burning with pain.

I barely remembered the argument we'd had. I barely remembered much from that night. Still, it hadn't prevented the remorse Alice felt over it, but I couldn't keep hearing her apologize for it. It only made me feel like more of a prick!

"Alice," I mumbled half groaning. "Do you want me to throw you out?" My tone was jaded, despite my efforts to sound teasing.

She immediately smirked and raised her eyebrows skeptically. "And see you cry like a little girl? Most definitely."

I sighed shortly and smiled to myself, secretly relieved.

"Okay," she added quickly, her expression going tender again. "I'll see you downstairs later?"

"Yeah." I sighed with mocking reluctance.

She grinned at me, dropped her bottom lip in an over exaggerated pout, and pretended to play a violin.

I scowled at her, but it was all bullshit. I wasn't pissed at the little rat; I didn't think I was able to be at that point.

She started chuckling softly, affectionately, before she threw her arms impulsively around my neck. A spasm of pain immediately paralyzed me, and I drew my breath in sharply, recoiling away from her reflexively.

"Oh, Edward!" she gasped urgently. "I'm so sorry."

It was a ferocious stabbing pain and it was gone just as quickly as it came, but I felt feeble and pathetic.

"I'm okay," I mumbled.

Alice took an exasperated breath then grinned at me in a shrewd kind of way. "Don't be impatient. You just have to suck it up and let yourself heal."

"Mmm okay, now get out and give me room to breathe already," I replied my voice rising with feigned irritation.

I really _was_ irritated—I was fucking pissed at myself.

She kissed my cheek quickly before I had a chance to protest, then left the room mumbling something about _Jazzy._

I closed my eyes and groaned softly. As much as I enjoyed Alice's company—as long as she wasn't consumed with guilt—I wished I had the good sense to decline an afternoon with her and Jazz. She was seventeen and she and Jazz had been together for almost a year. I wasn't an idiot; I knew they had advanced beyond holding hands, but being forced to endure an hour of their not so innocent displays of where their relationship had headed, whilst they barely remembered that I was in the room, was bone crunching torture.

There was no way of getting out of it though. Alice promptly came to physically drag me down stairs a couple of hours later, and she and Jazz did not contradict my expectations.

At some point, I heard Alice mumble—while her mouth was still pressed against Jazz's exposed skin, I wasn't entirely sure where—I didn't trust losing all rationality by finding out—that I was in the room and watching. She said it as if I was some freaking pervert, when in reality I'd made every effort to ignore them, or at least pretend that I was oblivious. I needed blinders to keep from peripherally seeing the prick that was her boyfriend and where he was running his hands. My skin crawled and mingled with my intensifying anger.

Okay, so Jazz wasn't technically feeling her up, but he wasn't far off it either, and now that I thought about it, dreaming about Jazz feeling up my sister—even though it was technically about Bella—was pretty fucked up.

I groaned loudly, hoping it would alert them to my discomfort. When it was clear they hadn't heard me—or ignored me, I pulled myself gingerly off the sofa. I headed into the kitchen to get a coke; neither one of them noticed me leave. It was times like these, when I was the odd one out between Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum that I'd usually just jump in my car and save my sanity by getting the fuck out of there. But since it was now scrap metal, and I'd had my license suspended, _and_ I had been grounded for a month by mom, I was forced to either endure it, or hide in my room. Mom had also taken out my TV, so all my room offered was isolation alone with my thoughts.

Not fucking appealing at this point.

I leaned against the refrigerator door, closed my eyes and sighed, while trying in vain not to let my thoughts probe deeper than the present moment. Projections of the dream kept floating back to me, keeping me just on the cusp of an erection, while knowing that if I jerked off it'd probably kill me.

Emmett entered the room then and slapped me briskly on the back; the jolt caused my coke to fizz and splash me in the face. I huffed impatiently, when the next thing I knew, he was dragging me by the collar of my shirt and forcing me to sit down at the breakfast table.

"What!? Jesus, Emmett!" I protested, as my stomach locked up with sharp spasms. I attempted to prevent it from reflecting in my expression so the asshole couldn't see what he was doing to me—no doubt unsuccessfully.

He sat opposite me at the table, his expression darkening. "Now that Mom and Dr. Seuss are out, it's time you and I had a little heart to heart."

I had the urge to groan loudly. Don't tell me he was going to give me a lecture?

I was on the verge of saying something sarcastic and wise ass, but there was something dangerous about his expression. Something I'd never seen before that made me immediately reconsider.

He took a deep breath in before locking his eyes with mine in a way that was almost threatening—if it wasn't mixed with an emotion Emmett rarely showed: vulnerability.

"If you ever pull that shit again and hurt Mom and Alice the way you did, I'll make sure a coma is the best thing you could hope for." His tone was low and humorless and was a complete contradiction to what his eyes were reflecting, and I knew that while he hadn't mentioned it, he was telling me indirectly that it included him as well.

I felt the smile tug at my lips, despite the grievous look in Emmett's eyes that darkened the broader my grin became. "Gee, thanks, Bro, and here I was thinking you didn't care."

He scowled at me becoming genuinely pissed off, before his eyes flashed craftily and narrowed as a hint of a smirk began to transform his expression. "Be very careful, Edna. My room is next to yours, don't forget, and one day I might just let it slip to Little Miss Down Under that you say her name in your sleep."

I immediately froze, feeling my blood begin to run cold.

Emmett's grin quickly turned smug. "That's what I thought, and I'm completely serious, asshole!"

I was well aware just how thin the wall was that separated our bedrooms. It was hard to ignore; he snored louder than a grizzly bear. Plus, I had the unfortunate fucked up privilege of knowing what Emmett and Rosalie said to each other while their activities made my window pane vibrate as his headboard banged against the common wall. It was a shudder inducing thought, but at the same time, I knew he wasn't bluffing.

If I'd heard him then he'd definitely heard me.

Begrudgingly, I raised my eyes to meet his. He pulled his eyebrows up in emphasis, and I nodded in submission with a half shrug.

Emmett immediately broke into a sly, satisfied grin. "I'm glad we had this chat, Eddie. Now go and put a jacket on; you're cold aren't you?" His eyes were crinkling in that wise ass way of his. I only stared at him blankly as a small ripple of panic began building in the pit of my stomach.

Over the last few days or so, he'd been making comments about me being cold, with the same sly look on his face. The same look he had when he'd caught Bella and me on the sofa.

The ripple in my stomach turned into a wave.

How could he possibly know? He couldn't—unless he'd heard me say it in my sleep.

I abandoned that thought but with a lingering sense of panic; I knew I wasn't that good a sleep talker that I divulged details.

The doorbell chimed, and Emmett's grin broadened as he got up from the chair. "That'll be Rosie."

Preferring the company of Alice and Jazz to the confinement of my room, or the alarm that Emmett's gibes arose in me, I wandered back into the living room. They were actually paying attention to the television by this point, despite the fact that Alice had perched herself on Jazz's lap. Ironically, they seemed to resume groping one another the minute I sat down. I glanced over at them in exasperation and I caught where the asshole had his hands. My eyes narrowed and I was on the verge of bursting out my impatience, when Emmett's deliberately loud, booming fucking voice made the words die on my lips.

"Rose, babe! I'm so glad you're here! I'm _so _cold when you're gone!"

It didn't register immediately; after all it was just Emmett being a dickhead.

Jazz snorted before Alice clamped her hand over his mouth, while Rose groaned with her usual exasperation when it came to Emmett.

"Why the hell do you keep saying that? What do you want me to do anyway? Put a sweater on!"

All at once, realization hit me, and I groaned loudly, not even bothering to muffle it. I glared at Alice with sudden suspicion, as I felt my fucking mortifiction burn in my ears. Had she worked it out? She knew everything else about me, it made sense that she'd be aware of the fucked up way my body temperature reacted to Bella.

I was watching her, folding my arms across my chest with growing annoyance at the way her obvious amusement was winning the battle against her attempts to keep a straight face.

"Alice?" I asked her in a low voice. She looked up at me, her face instantly straightening out, guiltily. "Can I talk to you a minute?"

Her eyes widened, the twitching smile evaporating from her lips. "Sure."

I grabbed her arm and all but dragged her into the kitchen, too agitated to acknowledge the way my stomach reacted violently, before I rounded on her. "Okay so you worked it out—not that it wasn't half obvious—but did you have to spill it to Emmett? Jesus, Alice!"

To my utter surprise, she laughed. "Edward, I didn't tell Emmett a thing."

"W-what do you mean?" I asked her faltering, suddenly insecure.

She grinned warmly, yet ruefully, before she began with obvious delicacy, "Edward ... you told Bella you get cold when you're not around her last week in hospital."

The thought of being killed the week before suddenly seemed very appealing.

I closed my eyes, letting out my breath that slowly turned into a frustrated, completely exasperated groan. Then, bowing my head, I covered my face from Alice with my hands, as my face burned with absolute himiliation.

_Mother fuck!_

"Edward, you were saying some strange things. I doubt she would have taken much notice."

I might have believed her if her eyes weren't glinting with both amusement and pity.

I had no doubt that Bella knew I was speaking the truth. She'd spent enough time around me to know that I all but broke into a freaking sweat and removed half my clothes in her vicinity. She never mentioned it, but she'd definitely noticed. It was the way she'd often smile to herself ... the same way she had in my dream.

She knew. She turned me into a fucking sauna, and now she was well aware of it.

If it was the week of nightmares becoming a reality then surely I was done.

* * *

**A/N: It was a dreeeeeaaaaam! Yes I'm evil.**


	18. Consequences

**A/N: Fuck me, I hope I get these chapters in right order...**

* * *

**Chapter 18**

**Consequences**

**Edward's POV**

I spent the rest of the afternoon in my room, not in the mood to witness the lengths Emmett would take his new source of torture over me. Besides, I had a stack of school-work to catch up on. It was actually therapeutic, the mundaneness of it kept Bella from my thoughts long enough to drag some of my wilting dignity back in place.

A couple of hours later I'd finished all the assigned English work I was given and was starving. Heaving myself off my bed, I stretched my frame, ignoring the aching tug on my stitched abdomen before I headed out to get something to eat.

As soon as I stepped on the lower floor I caught the sound of Jazz's idiotic, hysterical laughter rebounding loudly off the walls, and because I was nothing but masochistic, I decided to find out what was going on. I ducked my head discreetly around the entrance to the living room; Emmett was sitting on the sofa, with Alice and Jazz still on the adjacent one, dressed like he was going on an expedition to the Antarctic, complete with fur trimmed hooded parka and ear muffs. Rose was not in the room, so I assumed she'd gone home, and Jazz was laughing so hard, the moron had tears running down his face, while Emmett sat completely straight faced watching the DVD with them.

I scoffed with an awed kind of frustration, almost breaking into a grin.

Emmett kept his outfit on for the rest of the afternoon and throughout dinner. He said nothing to me, but completely exhausted all mom's patience, who ordered him to take it off. I got through my meal as quickly as I could before mom and Carlisle began inquiring why he was dressed the way he was and why Alice found obvious freaking amusement in it.

I finished dinner first and left Alice's laughter behind me as I went upstairs; exempt from chores for the present. I found myself tiring easily still, and it frustrated the hell out of me. I'd slept at least twelve hours a night the last few nights, even in hospital where the nurses didn't bother lowering their voices while they talked about intimate details of their husbands' affairs with one another.

I dreamed of Bella again. It was almost identical to the one I'd had the previous night, with me waking up right as I was taking her clothes off, harder than granite, my heart pounding so heavily my bed seemed to shake from it.

I realized this smile I was dreaming about, was bullshit too. Bella never smiled at me with tender affection; it was always dubious and cynical.

Proof that she didn't trust me.

**...**

The following day, while Alice and Emmett were at school, I spent my time immersed in my homework. It took a lot of discipline to push Bella from my thoughts; finals were looming and I had no way of knowing how much I'd missed. If it had anything to do with the degree of work Alice had picked up for me, I was considerably behind, probably more than the two weeks I'd missed.

By the time they arrived home again, I'd managed to get through three quarters of all the work, was seeing double, and was glad for company other than mom's. She'd fussed over me non-stop until I found myself craving Emmett's ridicule—at least that eased my guilty conscience to a certain degree. Mom hadn't yelled at me or given me a single reproachful look; she'd even grounded me and removed my television with loving tenderness. It only made me feel ten times shittier.

Alice hung with me chatting enthusiastically, though I suspected she was purposefully keeping Bella out of the conversation—considering how close they'd become, while Emmett fiddled with his cell phone absently, sprawled across the arm chair. As I was working up the courage to ask about her, giving up on the idea of Emmett leaving the room first, the doorbell chimed. Alice sprung to her feet opening the door a few moments later, while I peeked through the window seeing the red jeep in the driveway as my heart stalled, and just as I heard Alice exclaim.

"Hey, Bella!"

My heart staggered around in my chest pathetically while my body heat went from normal to convulsive fever in the length of a fucking breath.

"Hey, Alice," Bella's voice was warm and clear and in that accent of hers that did primitive things to me. "I came to see Edward ... i-if that's okay."

I was beginning to feel breathless; this was despite the fact that I was suddenly in the midst of a growing erection.

_Jesus!_

"Of course it's ok. Come in," Alice replied brightly.

"You warming up now, Edwina?" Emmett asked me still seated in the armchair, smirking to himself like a prick.

I huffed and threw him a warning glare that he only snorted at.

If I could ever get over telling Bella that she made me hot, Emmett would definitely make sure it didn't last too long.

Bella followed Alice into the room, and her eyes immediately sought out mine. This time my heart jolted; there was something behind them that made me feel immediately uneasy.

She smiled warmly in hello, but there was something ... detached about her expression.

"Geez it's good to see you, Bella. You always make me feel _so_ warm!"

_Fucking Emmett!_

I fumed quietly, feeling the heat transfer from my dick to my ears. It was amazing how fast feeling like a fucking idiot could deflate it.

Bella's gaze pulled from mine to glance at Emmett; she grinned, looking amused, but uncertain. "Hi Emmett."

He winked at her, before Alice grabbed him by the arm. "We were just leaving."

Alice pulled him out of the room. I remained on freaking tenterhooks with my heart stalled waiting for him to say something else that would make me look like a complete idiot. He didn't, but I continued to hold my breath until he was completely out of sight before I quietly exhaled and turned to Bella.

She'd watched them completely leave the room, before looking down at the ground and taking a deep breath before her eyes rose slowly to meet mine. They were deep like they always are, but there was something else... I smiled at her and she returned it, but something behind her eyes flickered, her forehead creasing with it. It was only fleeting, and she continued to hold her smile, but again, it made me feel edgy.

I rubbed the back of my neck; my hands were beginning to tremble. "Do you want to go for a walk ... or something?" I asked her, my voice catching in the back of my throat, making me sound like a freaking pussy.

Her smiled broadened a fraction, before she nodded.

I walked her to the front door, held it open for her and followed her out. I kept a courteous distance from her, but it didn't lessen the impact she had on me. I was overheated enough already to want to removed my sweater, but I didn't. She'd know why now and as much as I wanted to see her smile—to see if that smile even existed—a huge part of me feared she'd be indifferent.

When I stepped outside behind her, she stopped me.

"Edward? Do you want to just ... sit here?" She motioned towards the swinging chair that hung from the ceiling of the porch.

I nodded in answer, shoving my hands in my pockets as my heart continued to pound heavily.

She sat down first and clamped her hands stiffly in her lap, her brow furrowing deeply. She seemed to be in an internal debate with herself, while her eyes remained troubled. Frowning, I sat beside her and caught the scent of that perfumed spray she always wore. I allowed myself a moment to feel the intoxicating effects of her, before I began to feel the uneasiness creep back.

She gazed down at her hands for the longest time. It was evident by this point that she wanted to say something significant; something that wasn't easy for her, and something I wasn't going to like.

"Bella," I began softly. She looked up at me, her eyes wide and full of emotion. "Just say it, whatever it is ..." My voice dropped, they were not the words I wanted to say. I wanted to tell her I was sorry—again. As fucking comical as that was.

She cleared her throat softly, glanced down at her hands again, before she turned squarely to meet my gaze. Her eyes were reluctant and somber. "Edward, I really like you. I ... I do."

_Oh, fuck!_

Immediately I was filled with dread. I clenched my hands into fists, forcing it back and swallowing past it. Then taking a resigned, measured breath, I rubbed my forehead with my fingertips. "But ...?"

She dropped her eyes, her brow creasing further. "But, it's not a good idea," she admitted, softly.

"Bella ... I know I've screwed things up, but I realize ... " I allowed my voice to fade off and ran a frustrated hand through my hair. I was sounding more and more pathetic. I needed a different strategy.

She swallowed, a flicker of emotion flashed through her eyes again, and this time her entire face reflected it. She looked so lost and unsure that it was all I could do not to reach out to her.

"Edward ... I-I need to be able to trust you, but I can't." Her voice rose decisively, but began to waver.

I felt my pulse quicken. I was losing her. I was losing her _again_, and this wasn't about her having the advantage over me, but I couldn't allow it. I refused!

"You _can _trust me, Bella," I insisted. I sounded too desperate; too fucking needy.

She shook her head, slowly but adamantly while her eyes, that were locked to her lap, began to fill with tears.

"No ... I can't, Edward." Her voice was barely more than a whisper. She let out her breath into a long shaky sigh as a single tear slipped down her nose.

I wanted to wipe it away. I wanted just to pull her into my arms and tell her that I'd never hurt her, ever again, but this anxiety I was feeling was making me too edgy. I wanted her to know she could trust me, but I had to get a fucking grip.

"Bella?"

She looked up, her eyes ablaze with ... guilt?

"Bella ... please, let me prove it to you. You _can _trust me." I kept my voice gentle but adamant, forcing back the sense of desperation I was struggling with. Tentatively, I reached out and took her hand in mine. Both my hands were still shaking and clammy, but I didn't give a shit, it was insignificant. I would _not_ lose her again.

I wrapped both my hands around hers when I suddenly noticed the state of it. It was cut and heavily bruised. "What did you do to your hand?" I asked slowly.

"I thought Alice told you already," she replied with indifference, and instantly I felt a surge of anger boil through me.

I just sat gazing down at her soft little hand in mine, feeling the heat glowering in my face, while my whole body was so rigid with anger that my ribs began to pulsate.

Weasel did _this _to her! I was going to fucking _kill_ that little pissant!

Bella immediately pulled her hands from mine, a huff escaping her. "This is what I'm talking about, Edward!" The volume of her voice rose and was filled with frustration. "You're so _unpredictable!"_

I shook my head, and opened my mouth to reply, but I had nothing. I begrudgingly let it go.

She suddenly rose from the seat and turned to face me, her expression stricken. Her eyes flickered to the cut above my eye—the cut her asshole cousin gave me. "It's not going to work, Edward! Look at what I bring out in you—at what I've _done_ to you—"

She was blaming herself?

I interrupted her immediately, getting to my feet in an instant, and ignoring the grinding pain in my stomach; though I suspected Bella was acutely aware of it. "What you've done to me? Bella, Jesus, none of this was your fault!" I insisted.

She only continued to stare at me, her eyes fixating on my injury marred face; from the stitched gash just under my hair-line, to the graze on my cheek, before back to the cut above my eye. Her forehead knotted more deeply the longer she evaluated it, while the guilt in her eyes intensified. And the way she stared at me made me feel freaking exposed.

Eventually, she tore her eyes from me and shook her head, more or less to herself. "I have no idea who I am, Edward. I-I have to find out how to live ... without her," she whispered, breaking eye contact from me while her brow bunched even further.

I had no idea what she was suddenly talking about, but it gave me sudden hope that this wasn't wholly about me.

"Bella," I coaxed her gently until she raised her head and met my gaze again, "please trust me."

"Edward, this isn't your fault. I bring out the worst in people. Ever since I arrived here, you and Jacob have been at each other's throats, now you and Mike Newton. I've got to unhinge myself from the disaster that I've become." She sounded angry—at herself, and to make matters worse, she was deadly serious.

"Bella—" I began, but she interjected.

"Edward, I need you to ... stay away." Her voice broke, and she hastily turned her head, avoiding my pleading gaze altogether to rub her eyes.

Stay away? Now she was just delusional.

"Bella …" I began, feeling a smirk edge on my face, "you know I'll never do that."

She whipped her head back around to meet my gaze, her entire face clouding with frustration. "This isn't a joke, Edward!"

I only shrugged as a small smile curved on my lips, and knowing I was now acting like a total arrogant prick.

She released her breath into a long drawn out sigh that bordered on an all-out groan. I fought the urge to grin. I was taking back the momentum, and in doing so I was distracting her. If it was going to work, I was going to stick to it.

She reached up and looked like she was trying to rip the skin from her forehead. "Do you really like who you are when you're trying to ... _charm_ me, Edward?"

"Do I charm you, Bella?" I was a complete asshole.

The only thing was she didn't even look close to cracking; she looked more determined. Folding her arms across her chest in a self-assured way—that was completely out of character for her—she threw me a cynical, sarcastic smile. "Sometimes you do, the other times you're just an annoying, cocky _wanker_!"

I faltered for a moment, feeling like she'd slapped me, but immediately felt my resolve cement back in place. I knew well enough how stubborn she was, and it only fuelled me. "You like me because I'm an annoying, cocky wanker."

For a minute I thought she _would_ slap me; her hands balled into fists and her expression began to darken to the point that she was glaring at me. "What's the matter with you?!" she demanded. "You think you have to win at all cost? I'm not playing games with you, Edward. You're all WRONG for me—don't you get it!" Tears sprang to her eyes, and she spun on her heal and took a step away from me when I quickly reached out and grabbed her hand.

"Bella, wait," I said, seriously this time. It wasn't about advantage anymore and who had it. These last few months I'd been playing Bella, and I hadn't learnt a single thing about her. She didn't respond to me like other girls did, and when I tried to force her into it, she buried me under my own arrogance. "I'm sorry."

She made me fight for her.

She turned back to me and her eyes were pleading. "Please, Edward," she whispered.

My heart sank heavily. There was nothing I could do; I had nothing left. "Bella, "I began tentatively, as if the slightest raise in my voice would be detrimental, "I'll do whatever you want me to do, but … I can't stay away."

She only stared at me as if she was trying to read the contents of my soul, before with a sudden surge of impatience she ripped her hand from mine again. "You don't even know me, Edward—so _why_?"

That, I had no answers for. I only stared into her deep, deep dark brown eyes and tried to find it within them. Why was she so different that I was going near out of my mind over her?

I shook my head slightly, helplessly.

This only seemed to piss off her more, and injure her at the same time. "You don't _know_?"

"Bella—," I broke off and ran both my hands back through my hair in a fit of frustration, "I've been asking myself that since the moment I met you!"

My words had hurt her, though they were the most honest one's I'd ever spoken to her. Her eyes welled with tears, while her forehead ridged heavily to prevent them from falling.

She was fighting—fighting like I was, and I wondered if she had any answers either. What was it about me? What did I do to her that in turn made her make me feel so exposed and flawed?

"I don't want to be with you, Edward," she spoke, and it was obvious that she wanted to sound convincing, but her voice—her entire expression betrayed her.

"I _want _to be with you, Bella," My voice broke—my fucking voice broke and I was on the verge of tears.

She shook her head, wrestling with her emotions—openly conflicted. "No ..."

Before I was aware of it, I'd taken a step closer to her. She immediately took a step back, but continued to hold my gaze as I stared at her, my eyes searching hers, hoping—pleading. I clenched my hands tightly at my sides to prevent myself from reaching out to her and pulling her into my arms, and for a moment, a brief second where I almost allowed myself a moment to breathe, I thought she was faltering. Her expression broke slightly and she glanced up at me looking torn, but then she blinked and her resolve seemed to snap back.

"I have to go. Goodbye, Edward," she spoke in a tone barely above a whisper, but she was deadly serious. For the second time, she turned around to leave.

My pulse quickened and a surge of panic shot through me. Instinctively, I reached out and grabbed her hand.

"Don't leave." My heart was thudding so hard my ribs were beginning to pound with it.

She paused, but didn't turn back to me. She just stood there, her head down, breathing deeply. Even with her back turned to me, it was obvious she was struggling.

Gently, I drew her, just a fraction, to me, but it seemed to break whatever spell had frozen the moment, and she instantly pulled her hand from my grip. Her fingers slipped through mine and then she was gone.

I watched her walk away. There was nothing else I could do. I'd fought for her with everything that I had, and I lost.

I had lost the only girl I had ever wanted.

She headed to her car without looking back, but I continued to watch her until it got to the point that I couldn't for a moment longer. I turned swiftly around, stepped down the stairs and around to the rear yard, where I entered the house via the kitchen door—all the while fighting an emotion that felt like it was literally ripping my heart through my chest, as red-hot anger flowed through me.

_Fuck it!_

I passed Alice and Emmett who were sitting at the kitchen bench. Emmett, the prick he was, immediately opened his mouth to, no doubt, say something clever, when he shut it again without a pause. I glared at him, willing him to say it, but he didn't.

I reached my room, slammed the door shut behind me and locked it. Alice would no doubt be hot on my heels, and I was in no mood for her displays of pity and guilt.

Two.

Five.

Ten minutes later and no Alice.

I laughed ironically to myself then headed into the bathroom, where I stared in the mirror at my reflection. My eyes were blazing with a thousand emotions; I could clearly see what I would have no doubt disclosed to Bella. That she'd broken my fucking heart.

I scanned the rest of my face intently, something I'd avoided doing until that moment. It was a pitiful sight. The long graze that covered my cheek and the majority of the left side of my forehead was still scabbed up enough to make me look like I'd been dragged face first along the road. Just under my hair line, on the right side, was the gash that still held seven stitches. It was itchy more than it was painful, but right then it pounded hotly. Finally, my eyes fell to my stitched eyebrow. It should have made me angrier and maybe under different circumstances it might have, but strangely I was indifferent towards it; even a little relieved. It squared Jacob and me up, and I hoped all the bullshit with him was now finally behind me.

I dipped my head and took a deep, heavy breath.

How the hell had I expected Bella to react? The last time she'd seen me I'd been making out with Jessica-slutbag-Stanley.

My stomach immediately lunged at the thought of it. No wonder I'd got wasted, I'd have to be to—it was a good thing I had no memory of it, but I hated to think what Bella had seen. Alice had told me Bella never mentioned the exact details of what she'd witnessed. It wasn't exactly comforting, and I doubted Alice would have told me if she knew, anyway.

I preferred my pain in the ass sister when she was being just that. When she was calling me a Jackass and sending me abusive voice messages. I couldn't stand the way she walked on fucking eggshells around me, and the way she looked at me with guilt behind her eyes, ripping her apart inside. It seriously pissed me off! It had nothing to do with her or Bella.

I got drunk and totaled my car. All of it was my own doing!

The knock I'd expected ten minutes ago suddenly sounded at my door. I looked up feeling immediately pissed off and frustrated by the courtesy behind it. Common sense said it was mom, but it fit right in with Alice's present behavior. I walked angrily to the door and reefed it open. Alice stood there, her expression knotting with concern. I groaned loudly, but not because of her presence—although I had to admit that pissed me off too—but because a sadistic part of me was glad to see her.

"Alice, since when do you fucking knock politely?!" I exclaimed angrily at her. It seemed like a strange thing to say in light of the situation, and was probably the reason why she was staring up at me as if I'd become unglued.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I-I—" she began, but I immediately interrupted her.

"Jesus, Alice, stop _APOLOGIZING_—and stop treating me like I'm going to fucking snap!" I yelled at her, feeling the heat flush my face angrily while the strain it put on my abdomen was burning. I had the sudden urge to slam the door on her, but she stepped in, ducking under my arm that was gripping the door as I contemplated it.

"Like you are now?" Her voice wasn't teasing or even sarcastic, it was quiet and sedate.

"Did you know she was going to do this?" I demanded. My chest went tight again. I forced myself to breathe past it, pushing my ribs to accommodate it and not giving a shit that the pain was almost buckling me over.

She sighed deeply, then without a word in reply, she turned and sat down on the edge of my bed. With a rueful smile, she motioned with her finger for me to join her, patting the space beside her.

I huffed out angrily before my anger stilled a fraction, before I begrudgingly sat beside her, running my hand stiffly through my hair. It tugged at the gash on my forehead, but again I ignored the pain—I deserved it, after all. I turned my head toward her and she stared back at me with guilt written into her expression. I closed my eyes and sighed deeply.

"Just tell me."

"Okay ..." She took a deep breath, "I wasn't sure, but I had an idea."

"Do you think you could have warned me?" my tone was hard, but I didn't bother trying to conceal it. If Alice wasn't so busy trying to protect me, I might have been ready when Bella ripped my heart out the way she had.

"_I wasn't sure_," she repeated slowly, before she sighed. "Look, the way she was the last time she saw you, she could have easily gone the other way."

"Well, obviously she didn't!" I snapped, feeling anger rising again. My muscles locked up and I winced this time openly then immediately glowered at Alice before she even thought about flooding me with pity.

She just gazed at me for a moment gauging me, before she replied, "Look, Edward, it's been pretty rough for her the last few weeks, and with everything she's been going through worrying about Kel, you kind of ... re-created it." Her voice dipped gently, and she looked as if it pained her to say it.

But I only sighed again. She'd hit a nerve and I couldn't find it in myself to be pissed at her. I realized I'd made it more real for what was happening with Kel.

I opened my mouth to speak, when Alice quickly continued, "Plus, she's been having a hard time at school."

I felt my forehead bunch; it again pulled on my stitches that were really beginning to ache despite how much I ignored them. "What do you mean?"

She paused. "They're blaming her for what happened to you, and from what Jazz said they've been pretty relentless," she confessed quietly, her expression cautious again.

I turned to meet her gaze squarely. "Who's _they_?" I asked slowly as a surge of anger began to build within me again.

"Most of the school." Her tone went hard.

"What are they doing to her?" I demanded.

"They're ... look, it isn't important, and she's dealing with it now, getting tougher. Today she pretty much ignored it, but Rose said it was pretty hard for her the first day."

I huffed this time and got up from the bed angrily. A sharp stabbing pain in my stomach paralyzed me for a moment, but it only served to piss me off more. "She shouldn't _have _to deal with it!" I began to pace. "Why the fuck would they blame her, anyway?"

No wonder she didn't want anything to fucking do with me.

Alice was quiet, and it took me a moment of fuming to myself before I realized she hadn't answered. I turned to her, she sat shifting uncomfortably, not meeting my gaze.

"Alice?" I prompted her, seriously.

She sighed reluctantly before answering, "Jessica Stanley told everyone that you and Bella were together, and Bella cheated on you with Mike Newton ... so you turned to her the night of the party." She shied away from me as if I was going to blame her for it.

I felt sick.

"Plus, your pal Newton is riding high on it and not denying any of it," she added, sarcastically.

My back immediately went rigid. "What did he do for Bella to hit him?" I asked her slowly, keeping my tone measured, trying to keep the rage I felt over that fucking weasel restrained.

When Alice told me Bella had hit Newton, she made it sound innocent and funny. But the condition Bella's hand was in proved there was nothing innocent about it.

She paused again, looking more uncomfortable and hesitant. "She said he ... kept trying to ... touch her—nothing like that, just touching her.

I was going to fucking break every one of his fingers.

Alice was quiet, obviously waiting for me to get a grip, before she continued. I was pacing, my hands balled into fists as currents of anger burned through my veins. My whole body began to ache with it, but I shrugged it off stubbornly. "I'm going to school tomorrow, Alice. I can't have Bella getting torn to shreds because of me."

She practically scoffed. "You think Mom will let that happen? Besides, Bella point blank refused to listen when I said I was going back to school early to stop it." She sighed deeply, growing more serious. "Edward, do what she asks, give her time. You have to know how she feels about you, but you _can't_ force her."

I blinked; her words suddenly jolting me.

How did she feel about me, and why wasn't I aware of it?

I wanted to ask Alice, but I hesitated. It was something I had to find out on my own—something I had to hear from Bella. I had to listen to her—really listen. She wanted me to give her space, and I had to do it.

Alice was right; I couldn't force her. All I had done was push her away. I had to start getting more honest with myself and what I really felt about her.

Putting my hands on my hips, I hung my head. I had fucked it up, that was certain, but I could give her time. I'd do whatever it took to make it up to her. I didn't like it, but if she wanted me to leave her alone, I would.

Releasing my breath deeply again, I walked back over to the bed and sat beside Alice, slinging my arm over her shoulder.

"Okay, you're right," I conceded. I felt a ripple of panic streak through me, but at the same time it was strangely comforting. If it put me on the right path to fix what I'd all but destroyed between the two of us, then I'd do it, and I'd do it with a fucking smile plastered on my face.

**...**

Later, I had to all but shove Alice from my room to get her to leave, hoping it meant she'd finally be able to get past her guilt—guilt she didn't deserve—and maybe I'd be able to get past mine.

I was about to have a shower—I was still on fucking edge—when the idiotic techno music that Alice listened to started blaring from somewhere inside my room. I walked back from the bathroom to investigate, finding Alice's cell phone sticking half out from under my bed, lying face down.

I picked it up, turning it over and my heart immediately stumbled. A picture of Bella, smiling awkwardly, was flashing on the screen.

She'd sent Alice a text message.

She had a phone? I was supposed to take her to Port Angeles to buy her one, but it had never happened. Instead, the Friday before the party, I'd decided to go all jealous freak on her. I closed my eyes, recalling the horrible way I'd spoken to her and the pain that had burned in her eyes. I felt my heart plummet; I'd hurt her so much, and it was going to fucking plague me forever.

Running my hand back through my hair, I stared down at Bella's face, contemplating the morals of it for no more than five seconds, before I shamefully clicked her text open.

**I'll be OK, but it kills me that I hurt Edward.**

I stared almost blankly at the words. At first they just seemed like a meaningless jumble of letters, before it became clear to me. Taking a huge breath in, not even feeling the response in my stomach, I exhaled deeply as a smile crept slowly across my face.

I found my phone and copied Bella's number into my contacts, before stealthily placing Alice's phone in her bedroom.

**...**

The next day Mom accompanied me to have my stitches removed and get a thorough examination in order to determine whether going back to school at this point was _prudent—_as Carlisle had said.

It didn't matter to me what the doctor said, even what Carlisle said, I would be going to school the next day whether they liked it or not. Even then I was filled with a fretful, agitated energy, knowing that my actions were causing Bella pain. The sooner I got back to school to make sure no one fucked with her, the quicker I'd feel at ease. I was impatient to make the shit she was going through stop, first and foremost; secondly, I wanted to prove that I could do what she asked and keep my distance. I'd make her realize that I wasn't another disaster that unhinged her life; and thirdly, I wanted to see Mike-weasel-Newton's _bicycle accident _first hand. I had to admit, the more I thought of it, the idea of Bella punching that prick seriously turned me on.

It took all my energy from that moment on to keep the image of hot, sexy Bella out of my mind to prevent a hard on smack in the middle of getting my stitches removed. I was lying flat on my back in the Doctor's surgery and an erection at that point would have hardly been freaking inconspicuous.

I was given a clean bill of health. Apparently, life would carry on as usual with only half a spleen, so long as it did its job without incident. The doctor cracked a couple of jokes about how scars made a guy more attractive and we were allowed to leave.

Afterwards, mom took me out to lunch. The longer I was with her the more I began to feel completely fucking criminal. Emmett was right, I'd hurt her considerably; every molecule in her eyes were engraved with it. It was the same look I'd seen reflected in Alice's eyes, and in Bella's...

If Bella thought she was a disaster, I'd hate to know what it made me.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading :)**


	19. Apologies

**A/N: Edward back at school and having an epiphany...**

* * *

**Chapter 19**

**Apologies.**

**Edward's POV**

I knew a new kind of hell. It started the next morning as the reality of not having my own car hit and I was forced to ride to school with Alice and Jazz.

Alice drove her car that morning, stopping to pick Jazz up, who jumped in the passenger side—Alice had banished me to the back seat—with a quick, "Hey, douche bag," in my direction before he and Alice proceeded with what I hoped was not their morning ritual.

After several minutes, when it began to appear as if they were just warming up, I lost patience and kicked the back of Jazz's seat—only to choke back the shot of pain as it tore through me.

It worked in separating them long enough for Alice to put the car into gear and pull out of the driveway. However, when they threatened to get into it again at the first red light we came across, I was on the verge of exiting the car and walking the rest of the way to school.

It was a freaking long five minutes.

When we finally arrived, the first thing I noticed—with a quickening thud of my heart—was Bella's jeep. Her, Jacob and Nessie were still inside—as were most of the students that had just arrived—considering the sudden down pour that had hit with only a few minutes remaining until the start of class.

I glanced over at her Jeep and was suddenly unable to stall the grin from spreading across my face. Even from where I was in the back seat of Alice's hatchback, and separated by a ten-meter wall of water, I could still see the exasperation in Bella's posture. She had her head bent in her hands, her elbows resting against the steering wheel, while the forms of Nessie and Jake were just visible, making out in the back seat.

At least Alice and _Jazzy_ had some semblance of restraint and kept their affections to a dignified minimum. If you could count the freaking ridiculous amounts of times they could say _I love you _in the space of five minutes!

In typical Forks style, the downpour soon fizzled out to a light rain and we were free to exit the car. But whatever Alice and Jazz were doing, it took them a further few minutes. I was all but trapped behind the seats as their muffled _I love yous _stretched my freaking patience to saint-hood.

Eventually their need for air surpassed their obsessive-compulsive need to relay their love to one another and they got out of the car. It allowed me to climb over the passenger seat just as Jacob was walking past.

He glanced over at me with neither an adverse nor friendly expression on his face, before he smirked subtly to himself with an even-tempered, "Welcome back, _Cullen_."

His tone was all but neutral, except for the "Cullen" part, but regardless it still took me a few moments to grasp the fact that he was addressing me in something other than a threat. As I continued to gauge him, I realized there was something about the way he was smirking to himself that made me feel slightly uneasy. It was as if he knew something I didn't.

With a confused frown, I shrugged my shoulders to myself and let it go.

Jazz glanced over his shoulder and grinned at me with a mocking amount of amusement. "See, dude, all you had to do was almost kill yourself to get Jacob off your back."

I threw him a sarcastic scowl and heaved my bag on my shoulder, wincing pathetically. The fact that I was too aware that I still hadn't seen Bella walk past took the brunt of the pain, but it still didn't spare me from looking like a fucking geriatric. But my thoughts didn't have time to linger on my crippled state for long, because as I stepped out from the shadow of the car behind Jazz, shoving my hands into the pockets of my jeans, I immediately found myself staring into Bella's eyes.

My body temperature immediately hiked ten leagues warmer, and I froze; my breath stalling.

She was staring at me, her expression unreadable. I gazed back at her, my heart beating so fast it made breathing past my burning stomach almost impossible.

So there I was staring at her like a freak, and no doubt looking like I was on the verge of having a heart attack. Fucking feeble prick that I was. It was any wonder that her expression changed and a look of uneasiness began to edge into her expression. I must have looked like a psychopath, when it suddenly occurred to me that she wasn't staring at me, she was staring _through_ me.

She walked straight past me as if I wasn't there, her eyes dropping to the ground, before she fell into step with Alice. "Hey, Als," I heard her say quietly.

They continued toward the school building together. Alice turned back to smile at me, her eyes glistening with sympathy.

I just stood staring after them, feeling fucking gutted; knowing I'd lost everything I'd gained with her and more. She didn't even acknowledge me.

Her shoulders were drawn, but it gave me no consolation. As I continued watching her walk away, my skin prickled from pissed off indignation.

Okay, I get it! She wanted me to leave her alone, but did she have to treat me as if I was fucking invisible?

I turned away angrily. Bella's reaction to me was something I wasn't prepared for, and it threw me off balance.

I looked up and caught Jazz's gaze. His eyebrows rose as a rueful, empathetic smile spread across his face. He slapped me on the back. I waited for the pity so I could break his freaking neck. Luckily for him—or me—there was none.

**...**

It would have been easier to stay angry with Bella—easier and a lot less aggravating—but I'd only just made it past first period when I first heard the rumors about her and realized just how much my actions had fucked her over.

Every idiot who passed me made some stupid comment like. "Oh, Cullen, you're back?"

Yeah, no shit, Sherlock!

At least Eric Yorkie was original, even if he was a complete fucking dick.

I arrived at first period early. Yorkie and a couple of guys were the only ones in the room, and as soon as I took my seat, Eric turned to me. "Hey, Cullen, how's your car?"

I stared at him for a moment, thinking I'd misheard. "Yeah, no good—scrap metal."

"That's a drag," he replied with sincerity, before turning to the guys around him. "It should have been that whore who got in a car accident."

They snorted and snickered agreeing with him, and for whatever reason my initial thought was that they were referring to slutbag Stanley. It was the reason behind my responding smirk and it gave Yorkie the confidence to turn back to me and add, "Sorry about how she treated you, man. She's nasty, she even messed up Newton. I heard she pushed him off his bike."

I immediately went tense with anger.

They were talking about Bella! Yorkie had just called her a whore!

I was on my feet in an instant, ignoring my ribs as they hollered in protest, ready to rip Yorkie's head off as he cowered beneath me.

"What the _fuck_ did you just say?!" I growled at him, my breath quickening, becoming weaker and fucking weaker as I stood over him.

"Shit, man—sorry! I—I didn't realize. Sorry, man!" he stammered, his eyes widening, his face steadily paling.

It was Jazz that removed me from the room before I lost all self-control and either beat the shit out of Yorkie, or collapsed like a fucking decrepit.

Once outside, Jazz released his grip on me with an edge of frustration. "Calm down, dude! It's what everyone is thinking, not just Yorkie."

I sighed furiously, needing to lean up against the wall to regain some of my strength.

"What were you going to do anyway? Beat him up and wind up back in hospital, so Bella can realize that you're still the same flighty prick that snapped and beat the crap out of her cousin?" Jazz challenged me.

His words were a blow; I jerked my head up as though he'd punched me. Taking a deep breath in, I exhaled it deeply with a sinking realization that I was still that same person. The person Bella couldn't trust; the person that was unpredictable and acted without thinking. The person she wanted to leave her alone.

Could I blame her?

Fuck!

"You'd think she'd come visit you in hospital this time?" Jazz continued, though he had the decency to soften the tone of his voice.

"Okay, Jazz, I fucking get it—Jesus!" I snapped, putting my hands on my hips and sighing again. "I didn't realize they were saying _that _shit about her. You think you'd just sit there if they were saying the same shit about Alice?"

Jazz snorted. "I doubt I'd have to. You'd beat me to it."

I huffed my breath shortly through my nose becoming more irritated. "Point taken, _Jazzy Pants_!"

Eric Yorkie, red faced and remorseful, was suddenly standing in front of me. "Hey, Edward—I'm really sorry. I-I didn't realize it would upset you."

I shook my head shortly, half impatiently and half out of guilt. "Don't worry about it," I muttered, conceding. "Sorry I took it out on you. Who told you that bullshit anyway?"

"Everyone's saying it ..." he admitted shame-faced.

"Well it's all bullshit!" I seethed.

He nodded quickly, flinching slightly.

Fucking pussy!

"Dude, just let it go," Jazz said quietly with a sigh and freaking roll of his eyes.

Eric Yorkie disappeared back in the classroom. I remained outside in an attempt to rein in my anger and frustration—and let's face it, self-loathing. It was all because of me that those assholes were saying that shit about her.

Jazz folded his arms and was suddenly smirking at me in amusement.

"What?" I challenged him; he was really beginning to piss me off.

He half shrugged before shaking his head lightly to himself. "Surely Alice told you what everyone was saying?"

"She didn't go into detail," I said lowly.

"You do realize that the source of these rumors is Stanley, don't you?" Jazz replied, arching a brow up at me.

I exhaled heavily. "Yeah." I rubbed the back of my neck, struggling with guilt and the fact that I was really beginning to feel shitty. My stomach was burning and I fought the physical reaction to it with every breath I took. It pissed me off almost as much as what Yorkie had told me.

I knew one thing: I really couldn't blame Bella for treating me like shit that morning. Not after I had released Jessica Stanley on her—again.

"At least this time you know where it started." Jazz raised his eyebrows in tactful emphasis, though his meaning wasn't as subtle.

I jerked my shoulders in sudden irritation. "Yeah, look—whatever," I mumbled, before walking without another pause back into class, with one hand wrapped around my stomach.

I needed to sit down as much as I wanted to get away from the fucking reality of what Jazz was implying.

The teacher made a show of welcoming me back, which I suspected was going to be the norm for every class that day. Yorkie and his band of dickheads kept their heads safely averted from mine the entire lesson. The rest of the class stared curiously, and gossiped about me as if I wasn't in the freaking class room. I ignored them. I'd had an epiphany and I was unable to rid it from my thoughts.

As I contemplated the rumors about Bella—how stupid and ridiculous they were—I began to realize how easily they'd seemed to spread, and how hastily I had laid the blame on the first person I'd heard them from. I realized in resignation that it was under almost exactly the same circumstances that I'd blamed Jacob for starting the rumors about Alice, when all he was probably doing was simply over hearing and relaying them—the same thing that I'd confronted Yorkie doing.

If it was true, I had some serious unresolved business with him.

**...**

As the day wore on, the rumors continued. Some like Yorkie felt the need to emphasize with me, but most simply whispered and gossiped them further into bullshit and exaggeration.

Some things that were said were so freaking ridiculous that I laughed when I heard, without even bothering to contradict them.

Newton visiting me in hospital where I woke from my coma just to punch him before going back into it, was one. Though I vowed soon that wouldn't be entirely all a rumor.

Some were so nasty and cruel where Bella was concerned that it took all of my self-control to simply refute them and nothing more. All through gritted teeth and clenched fists, alarming the idiot who felt the need to pass the rumor on to me.

Tyler Crowley was lucky that just because I knew he didn't start the rumors, I didn't break his legs for the things he said about Bella. The creep thought he was being fucking funny, expecting me to laugh.

I closed my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose and took a slow, measured breath, while the hairs at the back of my neck prickled by how pissed off I could feel myself becoming.

Focusing on the desk in front of me, not trusting myself to look up at him and see that wise-ass smile on his face, I set him straight. "The rumors about Bella are all bullshit, and if I ever hear you talk about her like that again, you and I will have a little chat about it."

There was a pause, I glanced up, and the smirk had fallen from his face while he was going a comical shade of white. "Dude, I'm sorry. I-I didn't know—"

"Don't worry about it, but maybe you shouldn't believe everything you hear," I replied darkly.

Crowley sat gazing at me for a few moments as I ignored him, attempting to disconnect myself from the anger.

"So, she didn't screw around on you with Newton?" he asked, obviously not having enough perception to quit while he was ahead.

"No!" I retorted with irritation, because if any girl left me for weasel fucking Newton, I'd kill myself!

He wasn't deterred.

"So ... was it you that knocked out Newton—cause, man, I don't believe that bike story for a second." Crowley lowered his voice with sudden interest, angling his chair to face me.

I folded my arms on the table, inhaled deeply, then despite myself, broke into an ironic grin. "I haven't laid a finger on Newton—yet, and no he didn't fall off his bike."

"Didn't think so—too neat!" He scoffed.

I raised my brow and half shrugged, smirking to myself but didn't offer a reply.

"So ..." he continued, "if it wasn't you, who was it?

"The next time you pass Bella, take a look at her hand." The smirk crept on my face before I could stop it.

Let's see how Weasel explained his way out of that one.

Crowley smirked too. "Seriously?"

"Seriously," I replied with a small smile.

"No way! Ha, what a pussy!" Crowley snorted, chuckling to himself. "So Bella's got balls, hey?"

I looked down at my hands and replied a little too freaking softly, "That she has."

**...**

In between classes I was conscious to make sure I didn't run into Bella in the halls. This was regardless of the fact that I craved the sight of her in ways that made masochism a freaking art form, but I wasn't too eager for a repeat of her indifference towards me—even though it wasn't close to what I really deserved. And, I was suddenly plagued with so much guilt over Jacob that I was convinced she'd detect it written all over my face.

I knew I had to square it with him, but the knowledge that I'd wronged him did nothing to tame my ego. I was going to have to take a huge chunk out of my pride to confess to him, and Jacob being who he was would probably savor the moment and make me freaking sweat. But, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that a part of me would be relieved. The crap with him and I had gone on long enough, and had got out of hand. Plus, there was the very obvious fact that he stood in the way between Bella and I—whether it was still salvageable or not.

I knew that making amends with Jake would possibly earn me good graces with Bella, but I wasn't doing it for that reason, and I didn't want her _or him_ to think that, either. The idea of that was almost worse than having to apologize in the first place. You could be certain that if I wasn't sure of Jacob's innocence, nothing and no one would get me to lower myself to grovel to him. But I'd been wrong about him, plain and simple, and I owed him an apology.

Fourth period arrived and my one class with whore house Stanley. I'd almost forgotten.

My skin crawled at the thought of what I'd almost let happen between the two of us. Never mind that I barely remembered. I'd had enough flash backs to ensure small scenes of it would never fade from my memory; guaranteeing another reminder of how I'd fucked things up with Bella.

As soon as she walked into the room, I went tense. She had the nerve to smile at me all coy like, before she took a step in my direction.

"Don't worry about her, Rose sorted her out," Jazz suddenly spoke up, raising his voice so that half the class heard, as well as Stanley, who paused mid-stride with uncertainty mingling with her reddening face.

I turned to him and gave him a questioning look. He grinned and winked covertly, before continuing his charade. "Apparently, she's scared shitless of her."

I snorted back a laugh as Stanley detoured my table all together and hastily took a seat at the back of the classroom.

"Thanks, Jazz," I mumbled, still half chuckling.

Out of sight out of mind. Besides, I had more important things to concentrate on; like how I was going to get close enough to Jacob without a white flag to wave or idiot Emmett interfering.

I decided that my best course of action would be to approach him at lunch in the cafeteria. Safety in numbers and all that...

My initial plan was to speak to him immediately and get it out of the way, but being the complete pussy that I was, I stonewalled myself and decided to eat first. The fact that Bella was at the end of the queue may have swayed my decision, though.

Grabbing a tray, I made my way to the line, three people deep behind her. As I gazed at her, it suddenly struck me that there was something different about her. Something about her posture—and her hair. She was wearing it pulled up in a pony tail that exposed the slim contours of her neck and ears, making my body temperature immediately spike.

I stood staring at her with my lower jaw levitating somewhere near my balls, when the kid in front of her suddenly turned and noticed her standing there. "Hey Bella, so did you see Cullen's back today?"

"Well, I guess I didn't do a very good job at killing him off then." Was Bella's immediate shrewd reply, making me balk.

Even Jazz removed his face from my sister's to stare at her and smirk, while Alice laughed openly.

The kid began staring at her as though she had lost her mind, when his eyes suddenly rested on me. "Oh hey, Cullen, glad you're back."

Bella's head immediately whipped around, her eyes locking with mine and widening with sudden alarm, while her cheeks instantly began burning.

I grinned at her broadly. It was an impulsive reaction stemmed from amusement; I wasn't meaning to be cocky or arrogant. It was no longer about gaining advantage over her anymore. I'd come to the realization that it would always be her that owned my ass. I had to get her to forgive me this time naturally, without trying to trap her into it, or keep myself detached from what I really felt about her.

Her mouth fell opened slightly as the blush worked its way to her ears. My eyes wandered to the nakedness of her neck momentarily, before I forced them back to her eyes. She blinked, the shade of her face continuing to darken before she tore her gaze from mine and turned away.

I'd heard the rumor that Bella was trying to kill me. It was one of the most ridiculous.

I chuckled softly to myself.

Her posture seemed to change again. She stood with her shoulders drawn, her head hung, while it bobbed up and down from time to time in a nod as Alice chatted to her.

She remained locked up like that as she chose her food and sat down with Alice. I kept my eyes on her discreetly, eager and hopeful that the spark I'd just witnessed in her would return.

The same spark she'd had when she told me I was a cocky wanker. I actually liked it; it was proof that just when I thought I'd worked her out she went and done something that threw me completely.

Jazz sulked through lunch, no doubt blaming me for the reason he couldn't spend it with his pixie pie. Not that he'd said that, and not that I really gave a shit either; I was too lost in my brooding thoughts of Bella.

Just as I'd hoped, she appeared to shrug off her discomfort over me, and as she sat chatting with Alice and Rose she seemed to come to life again. There was a confidence about her that was engaging. Her demeanor was relaxed and at ease while her eyes, although still typically the deep end of the ocean, were bright.

"Since you're sitting there pining for Bella, did you hear what she said just now?" Jazz piped up.

I nodded, a small smirk creeping at the corners of my mouth.

"She's been saying a couple of other strange things like that lately," Jazz mused.

I looked up quickly, instantly intrigued. "Like what?" I asked curiously, before turning back to gaze pointedly at her again.

She was staring down at her cell phone this time, a crinkle forming between her eyebrows as the smile slowly faded from her lips. She reached up and tugged on her lower lip, her eyes suddenly appearing weary.

I immediately felt my forehead crease with a growing sense of concern.

"You alright, dude?" Jazz broke me from my state of brooding.

I turned back to him quickly. "Yeah … what were you saying?"

He shrugged. "Bella, yeah, she just seems to have balls now. Last week Rose said she was folding in on herself and Jake was ready to beat the shit out of everyone, including the girls." He broke into a smirk, his eyes darting over in the direction Jacob sat.

I was gazing over at Bella sporadically only half-listening. Alice was chatting to her and whatever it was she was saying had Bella smiling again. But at the mention of Jacob's name, I tensed and reluctantly pulled my gaze from Bella, sighing deeply with resignation.

"That reminds me, I'll be back in a minute," I muttered pulling myself up slowly from the table.

I gazed at Jacob and paused, taking a moment to contemplate—or more like stall on—my decision to throw all my dignity to the freaking wind.

"Where are you going?" Jazz asked.

"I've got to talk to someone," I mumbled in reply.

I took a measured step toward the other side of the room while my entire frame began to stiffen involuntarily with a sense of caution. I shoved it away, reminding myself that all my preconceived prejudices about Jacob were wrong.

It was going to be a bitter pill to freaking swallow.

"Dude, what are you doing?" I heard Jazz call after me, his voice edged with bewilderment.

I ignored him.

Jacob and Nessie remained oblivious to my approach until I was about ten feet away, when Nessie looked up and caught sight of me. Her eyes narrowed with immediate suspicion before she turned to Jacob, who was shoving the cardboard cafeteria food down his throat, and alerted him to my presence.

By the time Jake became aware of me, so had the entire cafeteria, and the air in the room immediately began to buzz.

Jake glanced up at me, in the midst of eating his freaking disgusting looking hamburger, and cocked a curious, questioning eyebrow at me. His girlfriend's expression began to turn from suspicion to uneasiness as she glanced from me to Jake then back again.

When I reached their table, stopping a cautious couple of feet away, Nessie reached over and took a firm grip on Jake's arm. He continued to weigh my approach with curiosity more than anything else, although as he swallowed the last of his food, his forehead began to etch into an expression of distrust.

I cleared my throat. "Uh, Jake, I was just wondering if I could talk to you for a moment. In private." I kept my tone even and neutral while struggling to keep my jaw from going rigid. My reflexes had me immediately on guard.

Half shrugging, then with a deliberate indifferent movement, he got out of his chair and rose to his feet, standing finally a couple of inches taller than me.

It was then that Nessie jumped between us and wrapped her arms around Jacob's waist with determination.

"Babe, don't!" she exclaimed, her eyes widening with panic and hedging with hostility as she surveyed me.

I offered her a reassuring half smile. "Don't worry, Nessie. I'll bring him back unharmed."

It was pretty fucking hilarious that his girlfriend seen me as some kind of threat. I was in no condition to take on weasel Newton at the moment, let alone Jacob.

Jake immediately snorted sarcastically, incredulously, before folding his arms across his chest. "Slightly delusional don't you think, _Princess?_"

Sighing inwardly, I fought to hold back the retort. Instead, I smirked at him and shrugged.

He scrutinized me for a moment, his eyes narrowing, before saying with a hint of impatience, "Okay, walk and talk, Cullen." He turned to his girlfriend, bending down to kiss her on the top of her head. "It'll be okay, babe. I'll be back in a minute."

Reluctantly, she let her arms slip from about his waist as he took a step closer to me.

Motioning that I wanted him to follow me, I turned to walk out of the cafeteria, aware that every pair of eyes in the room were watching us eagerly.

I was about to step through the doors at the back exit of the room when I caught Bella's gaze. Her eyes were wide and full of alarm. I smiled warmly in an attempt to reassure her. Her forehead furrowed, but her expression otherwise didn't falter as she continued to watch us intently.

Once outside, I continued to walk through the drizzling rain and soaking turf until I reached the outskirts of the school's perimeter. That way we wouldn't have the entire student body as spectators.

I turned around as Jacob came to a stop behind me. With his hands in the pockets of his jacket, he gave me a questioning shrug, his expression growing with both curiosity and suspicion.

Taking a deep breath in, I turned my gaze from his and resisted the urge to grimace. "Look, Jake ... "I began my voice low and even, "with all the rumors I've heard today about Bella—"

"The rumors because of you and that bitch, Stanley," he interrupted sharply, his face darkening.

I sighed inwardly, a swell of irritation increasing within me—despite the fact that he was right.

Swallowing back another chunk of my already decrepit pride, I continued, "I've realized that with all the shit being said, I was probably hasty when I blamed ... all that crap on you when Alice was sick. I owe you an apology ... so, I'm sorry."

I bent my head and exhaled deeply. It was awkward as all fuck, but it was finally done.

When I glanced up at him he was gazing at me, his expression emotionless—almost blank. He cocked a doubtful, mocking eyebrow as a contemptuous smirk twitched at his lips, before he deliberately drew his hands from his jacket and folded them across his chest.

"Is that it?" he retorted shortly.

I balked before I could stop myself. Blinking once or twice like I was a fucking dumbass, as the pissed off indignation that he was mocking me slowly sunk in.

"What else do you expect me to say?" I countered defiantly.

He scoffed and half rolled his eyes. "And I suppose this sudden change of heart has nothing what so ever to do with the fact that Bella told you to stay away from her a couple of days ago?" he accused me, scoffing out his breath and shaking his head, obviously unconvinced.

I was fucking pissed.

I felt heat flood in my face and took a step toward him without realizing, my hands balling into fists.

It was hard enough to approach him—hard enough to utter those two words out loud to him, when I could have quite happily gone through my entire life with the way things were between us, without a single ounce of fucking remorse.

"It has nothing to do with Bella," I replied lowly, clenching the muscles in my jaw in attempt to control my anger.

He had the audacity to scoff again, though it was more of a cynical jeer. "Yeah right. Okay, thanks, Cullen."

"_Fuck you_! I'm sorry I bothered," I snapped. It was all I could do not to wipe that smug look from his face, despite the fact that he'd probably kick my ass in the process.

"Why _did_ you bother?" he shot back, the sneer still remaining on his face, while I fought the compulsion not to slam my fist into it.

"I don't fucking know, but if you want to know the truth, I didn't want Bella knowing any of this. This has nothing fucking to do with her, and I was going to ask you not to tell her a word of it. But knowing you, you'll run and blab to her the first chance you get!" I raised my voice angrily, frustrated and pissed at my own stupidity. I should have guessed that it wouldn't have been so black and white and the little prick wouldn't be gracious enough to accept it and go about his pathetic existence.

I turned on my heel to leave.

"Hey!" he called out to me, his tone remaining suspicious but fractionally lighter.

I turned to him and glared. "What?" I spat.

"You serious?"

"Of course I'm fucking _serious_!"

He rubbed his chin giving it weight as I stood there, my limbs trembling, completely fucking infuriated, having just swallowed all shreds of my dignity so he could spit in my face.

"Kay, I see that I've pissed you off." He had the nerve to grin at me as if he was enjoying the fact that he had.

"Get on with it!" I growled.

He shrugged with one shoulder arrogantly and still cynical. "Can you understand why I'd think it was all bullshit? I mean the timing is convenient."

But I wasn't hanging around getting drenched in the rain so he could make more of a fucking joke of me.

"I don't give a fuck what you think—I'm outta here." I turned and headed back toward the school.

"Apology accepted!" Jacob called out after I'd taken half a dozen or so angry strides through the muddy turf.

Exhaling into a weary sigh, I turned back to face him.

"On one condition," he countered, his tone going almost serious.

I took a deep, even breath in an effort to hold on to whatever patience I had left.

"What?" I asked. I was only humoring him, because I was fairly certain what that condition was going to be.

"That you stay away from Bella," he said, suddenly defiant.

I frowned, feeling my expression cloud. "You know I won't agree to that."

"Are you just intent on hurting her over and over?" he blurted, his demeanor suddenly changing to anger and frustration.

"My intention isn't to hurt her, why don't you get that?" I hit back resentfully. My voice caught, making me fucking cringe.

He retorted, his frustration deepening."Whether it's your intention to or not, you still do. Why can't you just move on to someone else?"

I felt another rush of anger darken my face and tense my back as my ribs began really fucking aching. "I. Don't. Want. Anyone. Else!" I responded slowly, my voice low; evident of how pissed off I was, but what was worse was I was beginning to feel like shit.

He responded immediately, "And I don't want you to be with her. I live with her—I have to see the damage you do first hand!"

I felt the impact of his words before I was able to prevent it from reflecting in my face. But shoving it back, I allowed the anger to rush to the surface and control my emotions again. "This was fucking pointless. Thanks for nothing, _Jake_!" I turned around and walked back toward the school, my footsteps making loud, angry thudding sounds in the damp earth as I went.

"You're welcome, _Princess,_" he called after me.

I felt myself stiffen, but I made no other sign that I'd heard him.

The bell for fifth period had already rang by the time I walked back into the halls. Without bothering to hurry, I turned toward Bio, while attempting to rid myself from the no doubt fucked up expression that was on my face. But I knew it wasn't going anywhere while I agonized over the meaning of Jacob's last admission.

What degree of damage had I inflicted on Bella?

Those thoughts plagued me all the way to Biology, when at the doorway, I almost ran into Bella herself—as fucking poetic as it was.

We both paused—or so it might have seemed for my part, because in actual fact, I'd pulled up short, tensing all over and in the midst of a fucking heart attack.

She looked at me awkwardly, her eyes flickering with an anxious edge to mine, before back to her feet.

"Ladies first," I mumbled quietly, the tone of my voice echoing with a million emotions that I had no way of getting under control.

She gazed up at me again, her eyebrows knotting slightly, before a hesitant smile appeared on her lips and quickly vanished.

She stepped into the room ahead of me, and I followed her—with an inward sigh of relief, as she made her way to our table. I was glad she was prepared to sit with me, at the bare minimum.

In front of our lab table, Bella paused then moved aside, allowing me to pass her to reach my stool. My hand brushed against hers accidentally, and as it did a current of heat rushed up my arm, calming my agitation in the process.

I sat down. Bella sat beside me and folded her arms on the tabletop, her cheeks burning slightly. I glanced more directly at her and found myself mesmerized suddenly by the nakedness of her neck; by the curves and contours of her pale skin; and finally by the small gold hoops that hung from her earlobes, casting delicate shadows on the tenderest part of her skin.

Her eyes flickered in my direction with a hint of discomfort, her brow puckering slightly before she focused them back on her hands.

I was all-out staring at her, after all.

I tore my gaze from her with constraint and stared fixedly at the back of Thomas Knight's head, feeling the heat beneath my skin prickle up the nape of my neck.

The dampness of my sweater was soothing over my heated skin, but heavy and uncomfortable. I grabbed it, noting Bella's eyes focusing on me again, and pulled it over my head. I was secretly glad it was wet; I had a convincing reason to remove it, other than exposing my freaking soul to Bella, and allowing her to see the fucked up reaction my body had to her.

Her shoulders hunched for a moment, before she relaxed them again. She bent her head forward and tucked a strand of her hair that fell in her eyes behind her ear. She seemed agitated and fidgety as she sat facing the front of the classroom, neither looking at me nor avoiding my gaze.

I opened my mouth to speak, but quickly shut it again. Clearing my throat softly, I tried again, but I couldn't do it; not when I was unaware of the boundaries she expected from me in Bio. I wanted to show her that I had the self-control to respect her wishes.

Turning my focus on the back of Thomas Knight's head again, I released my breath feeling fucking insecure and unsure of myself. I should have been used to it by now; it was the defining emotion that she brought out in me.

She made me fucking doubt—everything.

I was sitting in pathetic contemplation over this when I noticed peripherally Bella go notably stiff, and my attention was immediately diverted as weasel Newton walked in the room.

It was the first time I'd seen him all day, and even though my immediate reaction was immediate pissed off anger, the moment I noticed the still healing cut on his lower lip, I snorted openly. My eyes then flew to Bella's injured knuckles, instinctively. Her hands were balled up, clutching both ends of her pen tightly. It was the only evidence that she wasn't as oblivious to Newton as she appeared.

He approached her casually, while every pair of eyes in the room followed him as he paused in front of our table. He blatantly ignored me, while I glowered furiously at him, straining against the almost irresistible urge to jump up and break his fucking neck.

"Hey, Bells."

"Bite me," Bella retorted, without turning her head in his direction.

My lips twitched instantly and I fought back a chuckle.

"Aww come on, Bells, you know I don't bite." Was his arrogant response.

Bella's face flashed angrily.

"But I do," I piped up, making sure that the weasel was well aware of my meaning.

He laughably visibly paled before he quickly shuffled toward his table at the rear of the class.

"Oh, Mike?" Bella turned in his direction for the first time, calling him back.

He turned around again, a smug look instantly back on his face. "Yep?"

"My name is _Bella_!" Her voice rose with irritation as she spoke her name, before she turned from him again in one angry motion, a huff escaping her. "Asshole," she whispered to herself.

"I foresee another bike accident in Newton's future," someone from behind us gibed before half the class broke into snickering.

I placed my hand over my mouth to muffle my laughter. It was jerking in my ribs, causing me to openly flinch. The last thing I wanted was for Bella to see how much of a fucking geriatric I was and take pity on me.

I peeked over at her a moment later, she was smirking subtly, then noticing I was watching her, she turned her eyes in my direction. They locked with mine for the briefest of moments as a genuine smile lit up her face and then was gone again. She turned her attention back to the front of the class, looking almost flustered, as Mr. Banner entered the room, while I sat in a state of freaking stupor, my hands trembling and my body heat sky rocketing.

I wiped my clammy hands on the denim of my jeans before subconsciously yanking on the collar of my shirt, uncomfortable and irritated by my body heat. It was something I was sure I'd have to freaking acclimatize myself to. It was then that I noticed it from my peripheral vision; Bella's smile. It was warm and affectionate—without an ounce of doubt or suspicion. It was the exact same smile from my dreams—only I'd never seen her smile like that at me before.

Fuck me...

She was smiling it to herself, her eyes still fixedly on the front of the classroom, but it didn't falter and it made my freaking heart swell inside my chest. My ribs continued to ache, but every square inch of my skin was beginning to pulsate.

I didn't know whether I was fucking horny or in physical pain, but a ridiculous grin spread slowly and broadly across my face.

"Mr. Cullen, I heard you were back today. It's good to see you," Mr. Banner's voice suddenly broke me from my daze.

I glanced up quickly; there was a small smirk on his lips that made my over-heated blood head straight to my face. I swallowed uneasily and nodded a couple of times.

He continued to peer at me over his glasses. "How are you feeling?" he asked me a moment later.

I cleared my throat. "I'm—fine thanks," I stammered.

Since finals were only a month away, he decided it was time for a practice run. Going down the aisles, he passed out test sheets, stopping in front of Bella to gaze at me with scrutiny again. "Were you able to get any of the work your sister took home for you done, Edward?"

"Most of it, yes," I answered.

"I'm glad to hear it," he replied quietly, placing two test sheets in front of Bella before moving on.

Bella passed me a test paper, the remnants of that smile still on her lips, though she didn't turn to meet my gaze.

A moment later we started.

I couldn't concentrate. I glanced at the test, but it might as well have been written in hieroglyphics for all the sense it made to me. My eyes scanned it, but my mind couldn't process a thing with Bella next to me.

I knew only one thing. I had to speak to her. I had to see that smile again and know that I wasn't freaking delusional.

Pulling out my note pad from under my books, I scrawled a quick note to her, while my hands began to tremble again. I was resigned to the fact that I no longer controlled a single molecule in my body when it came to her.

**So, new job as assassin huh? **I wrote, before discreetly sliding it in front of her.

She glanced at it and her lips immediately twitched.

She wrote a reply and slid the note pad back in my direction.

**Well, it's common knowledge that I'm trying to kill you.**

I muffled my laugh through my nose, then turned my head slightly to glance at her. She was writing on her test sheet her lips still playing with the idea of that smile while her expression was feigned innocence.

The grin stayed as a permanent fixture across my face and I knew as I sat there, over heated and freaking half erect, with clammy, shaking hands that she was a serious danger to me. But I no longer gave a shit that she would always have the advantage over me. I was hers—I was _gladly_ hers, whether she wanted me at the moment or not.

**Are we on speaking terms, during bio? **I wrote, feeling my pulse hike up a fraction as I slid the pad back to her and braved her response.

She gazed at it again, but this time her eyes lingered on it, her brow furrowing slightly, before she wrote a quick answer on it and slid it back.

**No.**

I wasn't deterred.

**That's okay, I guess I can handle writing terms.**

Her smile pulled slowly to the surface, but was overshadowed as she rolled her eyes and shook her head slightly to herself. She wrote a reply,

**What makes you think we're on writing terms?**

I cleared my throat softly to prevent the chuckle.

**Because you have replied to me three times. **I wrote before sliding it slowly in front of her.

When she read it, she quite openly sighed with exasperation.

Still grinning to myself, I drew my test sheet in front of me. I got no further past writing my name on the top right hand corner of it, when Bella turned squarely to face me. I looked up and caught her gaze.

Her expression was initially cynical, but as her gaze lingered with mine, another emotion flickered across her face and vanished before I could detect what it was. She broke away, pulled the note pad in front of her and wrote a message on it quickly, before brashly pushing it in my direction.

Looking down, I read it, the corners of my mouth tugging into secret amusement.

**Very funny Edward.**

She had written my name and I didn't know whether it meant anything, but I became transfixed by it written in her handwriting. I couldn't tear my eyes from it and I had a cheesy freaking urge to write hers next to it.

Mr. Banner walked past, paused at our table and cleared his throat subtly before moving on. Bella snapped her attention back to her test paper, while I attempted to do the same. My eyes scanned the test but nothing was absorbed and soon they flickered over to the note pad again.

Sliding it back in front of me, I quickly wrote her what I was determined to be my last contact with her. For how long I wasn't sure, but I knew if I wanted to make any leeway with her I had to do it. I also knew with a sense of uneasiness, that the whole martyr thing on my part could seriously backfire on me.

**Bella, I want you to know that I can respect your feelings. I'll leave you alone from now on, K?**

I pushed it back to her. Her eyes focused on it, just as freaking Mr. Banner paused in front of us again. "Edward and Bella, is this something that can't wait until after my class has finished?"

I cleared my throat and rather arrogantly pulled my test paper back in front of me. While Bella tore the paper from the note pad, folded it neatly and placed it in her pocket.

There was no chance I'd finish the test from that moment on.

I stole glances at her on and off throughout the rest of the class. She was focusing her attention on her test sheet, seemingly gone back to her original stance of neither acknowledging nor ignoring me; her eyes did not deflect from her test paper even a fraction. She had the barest hint of a smile on her lips as if she was secretly enjoying making me suffer, while she seemed to be oblivious to the fact that my eyes barely left her—or so it would seem. In fact, I was beginning to suspect she was deliberately fucking with me, and If I wasn't seriously in love with her, I'd be pissed off.

Bella had to be aware of how much she affected me. I'd already admitted to her the fucked up fact that she made me hot. I shuddered from the memory, deliberately jerking my shoulders by the mortification of it. Bella's eyes flickered in my direction, her smile deepened but then vanished like a shadow of a thought, making me wonder if she'd even smiled at all and only having the raise in my body heat as evidence.

The little vixen was definitely torturing me.

Surely I had some impact on her as well. The fact that she sat with me, answered my notes and didn't tell me to 'bite her' made me feel like all hope wasn't lost.

Toward the end of the lesson, I had become so plagued by Bella's behavior toward me that I was close to reefing my hair out. I probably looked, to a close observer, simply stressed and agitated by the test. Maybe that's what Bella thought was the cause of all my hair raking and twitching. If I was delusional, maybe.

I ran my fingers through my disheveled hair one more time and grabbed my test paper, pulling it in front of me so I could peer at it more closely. I hoped it would work as the distraction I needed. It was probably a good thing that I couldn't play in the final baseball games for the season. Because if by a miracle I was still able to, my grades would sure as hell put an end to it.

But I couldn't put her out of my mind, and I had the compulsion to burst, _why the fuck, Bella, did you keep my note? I thought you wanted me to leave you alone!_

I thought about asking her straight out, but since I promised I'd stop talking to her, without knowing if she was okay with it, I couldn't. Not without looking like a fucking flake who couldn't keep his word, anyway.

Biology ended. Mr. Banner came down the aisle collecting all the test papers, reserving an arched eyebrow for the state of mine. Along with my hair, which no doubt made me look like a freak show, my test had borne the brunt of my frustration. It was incomplete by more than half and was torn and creased like I'd crumpled it up, retrieved it and smoothed it out again—which I had.

I sighed, fought against the urge of another assault against my hair and grinned up at him with blatant sarcasm.

He gave me a scrutinizing look for a moment, then turned his attention to Bella. "Miss Swan?" he asked her, his tone low and businesslike.

Bella's head snapped up in surprise. "Yes—sir?" she stammered, her voice breaking slightly, caught off guard.

"Would you mind at all sharing your notes with Edward from the time he missed?"

Of course, Mr. Banner was my all-time favorite teacher.

Bella turned to glance at me, her expression jarred. "Um, no, I don't mind," she answered him. She was still gazing at me and I'm sure I detected a hint of cynicism flash in her eyes, as if to say, _you planned this all along, didn't you?_

"Good," Mr. Banner replied sounding satisfied before putting mine and Bella's test papers on top of his pile and moving further up the aisle.

Sighing deeply to herself, a frazzled look etching into her expression, Bella heaved her bag onto her shoulder then took a step into the aisle.

For some unfathomable reason, I felt panicked. I cleared my throat and leaped to my feet, almost buckling over from the explosion of pain that resulted from it. My arm flew reflexively around my stomach as I was pushed forward with the pain.

Bella with her back still turned didn't notice my public moment of decrepitness, but weasel Newton did. He smirked smugly as he passed.

"You right there, Cullen?" His eyes turned in Bella's direction, his smug look broadening just as she whipped around to face me. It gave me exactly two seconds to stand upright while silently groaning and choking back the second spasm of pain.

She eyed me intently for a moment, her eyes flickering warmer with what looked like guilt, but I wasn't sure. I smiled back at her, hoping it wasn't coming across as a fucking grimace. She continued to gaze at me, her eyebrows becoming knotted, before she turned to Newton, her expression turning disdainful.

"Bye, Bells," Newton drawled arrogantly, winking at her cockily, making me rue that I wasn't closer to him.

"Goodbye, Mike, you be careful on your bike this time," Bella replied a fraction of a second later, her smile twisting sarcastically.

I'd been holding my breath to prevent myself from wheezing, so when I tried to snort over Bella's comment, I almost fucking collapsed. Coughing and clearing my raspy throat while wincing again from the further pain it caused me, I almost missed the priceless look that broke across Weasel's face.

His arrogance fell instantly, but didn't disappear completely, before he walked out of the room. I watched him go feeling my expression darken the longer my gaze remained on him—only to discover that Bella was watching me, her expression reproachful.

_Fuck._

She sighed shortly then heaved her bag higher on her shoulder, preparing to leave. "See you later," she mumbled, her tone courteous but distant, while her expression was blank.

"Goodbye, Bella," I replied, feeling defeated again, and more and more convinced she was deliberately torturing me.

Her eyes lingered on mine for a moment longer before she turned away and walked out of the room, without looking back.

I sighed and grabbed my bag. I left a safe distance behind her.

My confusion over Bella's multi-faceted personalities spilled over into Spanish. By the time the lesson was over and I was walking out with Jazz, it occurred to me that I didn't have a single memory of the class after Mrs. Goff's overly enthusiastic welcome back.

"Glad to see things have gone back to normal, space cadet." Jazz smirked to himself.

"Shut the fuck up, Jazz," I muttered only partially under my breath, rolling my eyes.

"Kiss your mommy with that mouth?" he replied his smirk growing with amusement.

I opened my mouth to reply but shut it quickly again as I caught sight of Alice and Bella as they rounded the corner, about ten feet in front of us.

"Are you okay?" Alice asked her with a casual tone.

I cocked my head to listen as Jazz quickened his pace to step in line with Alice.

"You mean apart from my anger issues?" Bella retorted.

Alice turned to gaze at her; she was smirking, but with a slightly confused expression creasing her brow. "What do you mean?" she asked, just as freaking Jazz wrapped his arm around her shoulder and dropped his face into her neck.

"Well, you know? I tried to kill my last boyfriend and my new one I pushed off his bike," was Bella's reply.

Alice chuckled almost simultaneously as I did, beneath my breath.

"But on a lighter note, I only got called a whore four times today. That's three less than yesterday. Bloody hell, I must be losing my touch. If you loan me Jazz, I'm sure I could get it back on par."

I stopped dead in my tracks; I was stumped. My body temperature shot up so sharply that my skin began tingling with an almost chilled fever. I also grew steadily rock hard.

Jazz had raised his head slowly, a look of comical disbelief contorting his expression as Alice burst into laughter.

I shook my head, half in awe and the other in an attempt to push my thoughts back from a state of pornographic incoherency. I moved my shoulder bag in front of my sudden boner syndrome, and when I glanced back over at Bella, my eyes met with Jazz's. His eyes were wide and bewildered, while his expression was incredulous. He started laughing and turned back to Bella. "Bella, you swinger. Anytime, baby!"

I stopped walking again and scoffed to myself in disbelief. It was almost freaking Twilight Zone stuff what was happening with Bella. But, I'd be lying if I said it didn't turn me on.

This Bella, whoever she was, sparked a desire in me that threatened to unleash a new kind of hell.

* * *

**A/N: Am I half way there yet?**


	20. See Ya Later, Alligator

**A/N: For anyone who even remembers this chapter, I gutted it and removed 4000 words. It was ridiculous and cheesy. I'm almost happy with it now...**

* * *

**Chapter 20**

**See Ya Later, Alligator**

**Edward's POV**

A week later and Bella had not relented, and what was fucking worse was she had gone back to looking right through me. I'd done everything I said I would to give her space. I left her alone in Bio, I got straight into the back of Alice's car every afternoon when she and Bella were chatting at the end of the day—I even changed my route through the halls so I wouldn't have to run into her.

It was fucking torture, but the more she ignored me, the more I craved her.

Around Alice and Rose, she seemed relaxed, smiling and laughing with them every lunch break—except when she caught my gaze from the other side of the room. She'd immediately frown and look away. She had gone back to acting exactly like she had on her second day at school when she was looking down at me like I was a fucking sleaze. It was starting to piss me off more than I could comprehend it, and at times I found myself scowling at her. Only Bella would scowl back, and openly roll her eyes; she wasn't fucking with me either. The look of discomfort on her face was genuine.

I tried hating her, but that was always doomed to fail. No matter how much she ignored me, or pissed me off, I remained as pathetically fucking wretchedly in love with her as I ever was.

Of course every night the little rat always insisted on talking to me—about Bella, completely fucking oblivious to the fact that every day Bella ignored me, it was shredding me. But then she told me something that made it that much harder to ever hate Bella—to ever resent her.

Alice had befriended Bella's friends from Australia on Facebook, and was beginning to get a clearer picture of Bella's past. After being sworn to secrecy, one of Bella's closest friends admitted to Alice that Bella had been emotionally and physically abused by her mother her entire life.

"What do you mean? What the fuck was done to her?" I demanded, becoming instantly tense, as I sat bolt upright on my bed.

Alice shook her head. "She didn't really give me instances, just that Bella's life with her mother had been ... hell. Besides, she said Bella would kill her if she told me anything."

It was something I really didn't want to have to contemplate, because at the moment Bella was so pivotal in my whole fucking life I didn't think I could handle knowing this kind of shit. And I hated the fact that she was a whole other person prior to moving to Forks; a person I knew nothing about.

"There's another thing, Edward ..." Alice breached delicately, pulling me from my brooding thoughts.

"What?" I asked with a sense of dread.

"Kel's not getting any better."

That's when I decided I had to go back to fighting for her. I went back to my old route through the halls, and every time I passed Bella, I'd throw her a warm smile. I wasn't a cocky bastard about it, and it had nothing to do with the advantage shit; I just smiled at her. At first she reacted strangely; confused, then irritated, then slowly—ever so slowly—I suspected she was starting to crack.

In Bio I started writing her notes again, she never replied to them, but it didn't stop me—every day, pissing off the teacher so much that his patience eventually snapped, until one day he grabbed my note pad and read it out to the class.

"Bella, please talk to me. I miss that weird ass accent of yours. Can't we be friends?"

Of course, the entire class erupted into fucking laughter, while beside me, Bella, going beet red and huffing shortly, turned to glare at me, with an expression that clearly said, "are you fucking kidding me?".

It embarrassed the shit out of me, and as I sat burning up like I had fucking malaria, Bella went back to ignoring me.

Then, five minutes before the end of class, she wrote a reply and slid it in front of me.

**That was really corny, Edward.**

Her expression was neutral, and she seemed to sigh to herself before she turned back to the front of the classroom.

I only smiled to myself, deciding not to push her more.

It was the first time I really started to believe I could break through her wall again.

**...**

It was around 8:00pm, I was finishing up an English essay, waiting for Alice's routine nightly girly conversation. She'd done it every night since I'd come home from hospital, and I found myself enjoying hanging out with the little ferret, despite the fact that the topic was almost always about Bella.

"Hey, Edward." She poked her head around my door two minutes later.

"Come in, Alice," I said, smirking at her knowingly.

She sat herself on the corner of my bed and shoved me playfully in the shoulder. "Tell me you saw what Bella put on Newton's locker today!" she said, excitedly, a moment later.

I nodded, smiling to myself from the memory of it. "Yeah, I did." .

I was walking through the halls, heading to fourth period, when Jazz came up behind me and began dragging me in the opposite direction from where I was going. My first instinct was that it was Jacob. I'd immediately locked up and paused ready to defend myself. I only realized a moment later, by the familiar grating sound of his chuckling, who it was.

"Jesus!" I'd exclaimed, out of exasperation and—as much as I hated to admit it—relief. There was no way I was any match for Jacob at this point if he still had designs of picking up from where he'd left off.

"Dude, you _have_ to see this!" Jazz had insisted, continuing to laugh openly to himself.

He led me to the lockers where a crowd had begun gathering, before shoving us through to see the poster that was pasted to the front of Newton's. Weasel was typically nowhere to be seen, though I had no doubt he knew exactly what was going on in front of his locker.

I immediately burst into laughter, while having the freaking need to wrap my arm around my ribs to shield them from the effects of it.

Stuck on his locker was an advert for masturbation cream.

Along with a picture of a creepy looking guy with an enthusiastic grin on his face, doing the thumbs up sign, was the words: _**Slap Happy masturbation cream, great slip, less friction.**_

I laughed so hard it made me more of a freaking cripple.

Jazz nudged me. "You know who, huh?"

I nodded.

Bella!

I laughed along with Alice as we both thought back on it.

"My God, she is such a funny bugger!" she said, her chuckling dying down.

"_Bugger?_" I inquired, my brow raising questioningly, my smile edging wryly. "Alice—what the hell?"

She grinned. "Oh yes, I'm down with the lingo. Do you know what she called Jazz today?"

"What?"

"A _bogan._"

"A _what_?" I repeated blankly thinking I'd misheard and having the urge to laugh from sheer bewilderment.

"I don't know," Alice replied, shaking her head lightly in answer, her forehead etched with just as much confusion as amusement.

I only looked down at my computer, staring at my English essay, and smothering my laughter through my nose.

"Anyway, despite what happened today, I'm starting to get the impression that Newton is really bothering her. In his twisted mind he thinks she's flirting with him!" Alice added, a scowl quickly hardening her expression.

I was immediately pissed off. "I swear I'm going to rip that guy's head off," I muttered lowly.

Alice snorted and rolled her eyes. "Okay, let's pretend it's an alternate universe and that would _actually _help your cause with Bella," she replied sarcastically.

I released my breath with frustration, but conceded. "Okay, okay. Point taken."

Shaking her head lightly to herself and throwing me one of her eye rolls, Alice continued, "I'd have a word to Nessie about telling Mike to—

"Back the fuck off," I interrupted before I could stop myself. I'd allowed my focus to remain on Weasel-fucking-Newton and his cocky little antics.

Yesterday at the beginning of Bio he'd walked past Bella and I, and throwing me a look that took all my resolve to remain seated, he turned to Bella. "Sure you wouldn't rather sit with me, Bells?"

"Sure you haven't forgotten to take your meds today, Mike?" was her sarcastic reply without even looking up at him.

He'd only flashed her another one of his dumbass grins, and If I wasn't weighed down by my geriatric condition, I would have ripped the fucker's head off.

Alice sighed—it was choked with impatience—immediately snapping me back to the present. "Edward, do you realize how much you're cussing these days?"

I just shrugged one shoulder and half grinned. "Yes, Mommy."

She ignored me. "Nessie is completely brainwashed when it comes to Mike. She believes all his crap and gets defensive when you bring it up. So…" She allowed her voice to trail off with emphasis, raising her eyebrows.

"So…?"

"So, I was thinking you'd ask Jake to have a word to creep Newton." Her forehead creased and she subtly cringed away from me.

"Why would I do that?!" I exclaimed indignantly. "I'll have a word to _Mike_"—my voice twisted as I uttered his name—"I _am _capable of some self-control."

She snorted. "Uh-huh. For thirty seconds maybe and then you'll attack him or whatever you primitive guys do. Bella already thinks you're out of control."

I faltered. "She—she does?"

She rolled her eyes, exasperated again. "Oh, suck it up, Edward. Besides, you know very well you wouldn't be able to control yourself when it comes to Newton."

"Okay," I snapped. "I'll speak to Jake." I shook off the irritation and ran my fingers through my hair rigidly, not fucking liking the idea. Apologizing was hard enough—besides, I was still pissed at him for blabbing to Bella the instant he could about our conversation the week before. But I was always going to relent—how could I not? It was for Bella; to keep that freaking weasel away from her before I really did break his neck.

"Good," Alice replied satisfied, before she leaned in and quickly kissed my cheek. "Anyway, I'm going to bed. See you later, _alligator_," she fucking mocked me, before getting up from my bed and smirking at me.

I only sighed, less than impressed, before, following her to the door, I slammed it shut behind her.

Huffing to myself, I put my hands on my hips and shook my head, wondering what else Bella had told her—wondering whether Bella was ever really going to come around to me again.

Then something happened that put a _large _crack in her wall.

**...**

My immediate impression of the following day was that it was going to be nothing out of the ordinary.

The rumors about Bella were still surprisingly in full swing, but today there were different rumors circulating.

My strategy had been to ignore them. It was the only way to spare myself the no doubt regrettable pleasure of slamming Weasel's head into the cement wall of the halls if I crossed paths with him. But after the fifth slap over the back and the umpteenth, "_way to go, Cullen", _I ditched the confusion and began paying attention. I soon discovered that apparently Bella and I had been busted fucking behind the cafeteria, up against the wall in full view of half the school.

It had almost given me an instant boner, and if truth were told, I was desperate to know what her reaction would be; whether she'd remain status quo with her indifference toward them.

I soon spotted her approaching, head tilted fractionally to one side, looking like she was stealthily listening to what was being whispered about her, while a small smile was curved on her lips. She looked up just as I was approaching and as our eyes locked together the grin completed itself broadly across her face.

My heart slammed itself against my rib cage and I almost went fucking down.

As her eyes held mine they were bright, but the expression on her face looked like apprehension.

Deciding to focus only on her smile, I grinned back. Of course, her expression turned cynical, and as we passed, her gaze dropped to the ground, before she shook her head slightly.

But she continued to smile to herself.

It put me on an immediate high.

**...**

I was accompanied to my classes with enthusiastic thumb up signs, high fives—that I shamefully participated in—and endless amounts of congratulations.

It was easy to lose myself, but of course fucking Jazz was always going to drag my ass back down to earth.

"Dude, you do realize that it's all bullshit, don't you?" he whispered to me during third period, smirking to himself like the prick he was. He then quickly went on to tell me about a couple of rumor responses he'd heard Bella express, effectively distracting me as I was contemplating how best to knock him on his ass without fucking killing myself.

Her reasoning for screwing around with me, said Jazz, was to get closer to me in order to properly _do me in—_her words apparently. That alone had me hocking back a gallon of saliva in my attempt to muffle my laughter.

Her second response for why she dumped Weasel was that he wasn't man enough for her.

This caused a freaking fire in my groin. I burst to life like a spring board, harder than marble and refusing to die.

It lasted the whole freaking lesson.

While Jazz sat chuckling to himself barely under his breath, I attempted to conceal the evidence of my erection by hunching over in my seat and hiding my expression behind the palms of my hands.

"Down, boy," I heard idiot Jazz tease me, a smirk clearly on his face, despite the fact that I couldn't see him.

It was the most painful hour of my life, and as the end of class drew near, I was still no closer to deflating. But there was no way out of it; I couldn't get past the meaning behind Bella's words. In saying that Weasel wasn't man enough for her, did that mean _I was?_

With my shoulder bag strategically placed over my raging hard on, I walked stiffer than my dick out of third period with Jazz beside me, no longer even trying to conceal his freaking laughter. You'd think he'd manage to cough up a fraction of fucking empathy.

I was half way to English attempting to ignore the attention the latest rumors had thrown my way, in an attempt to get on top of my boner, when I was slapped abruptly from behind.

"Jeez, dude, screwing that whore from down under, bit risky don't ya think? You might catch something," a voice drawled close to my ear.

Seething anger immediately engulfed me, reversing the kinetics of my emotions in that instant. I rounded on him, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and slammed him against the wall in one motion.

"What _the fuck _did you just say?" I roared, just as an explosion of pain tore through my stomach, knocking the air from my lungs.

Gasping, I released my grip on him and staggered backwards as an agonized groan escaped from me. Wrapping my arm around my waist, I reached out with the other to steady myself against the wall, trying to gather my breath and breathe evenly. The pain was searing, and for a moment the possibility that I might puke, or pass out—or both—entertained my thoughts.

"Jesus, Edward!" Jazz exclaimed beside me as I tried repeatedly to inflate my lungs without spasms of pain torturing my stomach.

"I'm okay!" I burst lamely in little more than a croak, still gasping, as the heat of it blazed in my face.

Like the fucking decrepit that I was, Jazz helped me to stand upright. The expression on his face was a mixture of impatience and begrudging concern.

Standing slowly, I stretched myself to my full height; the pain convulsed in a last ditch effort before it settled to a dull, throbbing ache. But I was exhausted; my eyes dipped weakly as a wave of fatigue washed through me.

"I'm fine," I insisted, inhaling deeply and grimacing behind the sharpness of the pain as my stomach squeezed sharply again. I shoved off Jazz's steadying arm, and ignoring the legions of curious stares, I walked with slow, unsteady steps into English. I took my seat a little too clumsily, practically collapsing into it.

Jazz sat beside me a moment later, his eyebrows pulling together with pissed off concern. "You look like you're gonna puke!" It seemed like it was more of an accusation. He was shaking his head to himself as if he'd never done anything impulsive in his life.

I was on the verge of reminding him about Arlington High chick, but closed my mouth again. I couldn't be bothered arguing with him; I was still feeling lightheaded and shaky, but thank fuck the urge to throw up had passed.

I spent English slumped in my chair in a desperate attempt to regain my energy. I felt like shit, and there was no way I was going to miss Bio. Bella, for the first time in more than two weeks, openly acknowledged and smiled at me. It might have all been just a part of the rumors, but whatever the reason, if she was going to talk to me again; if she was going to flash that sexy as fucking hell smile in my direction, I was going to be there when she did.

By the time the lunch bell signaled I was at about fifty percent. I was still carrying the nagging ache under my ribs, but my main concern was how fucked up exhausted I was.

As I walked toward the cafeteria, my legs still shaky, I tried ignoring the high fives and _'way to go, Cullens'. _At best, I tried not to allow a reaction to emerge that would turn Jazz's pissed off demeanor to one of mocking sarcasm again, when I became aware of something different. Along with the "_way to go's", _I was getting _"dude, chill"._

I paused, feeling my heart jolt as I contemplated what it meant. When I was confident that I could find my voice, I turned to Jazz. "What the hell is going on, now?"

Jazz snorted. "You're a dick. In the words of your favorite Australian, they seen you _'chuck a mental'._"

Jesus not Jazz too. It made me want to fucking cringe.

I took a few more steps before the realization of what it all meant hit me.

I froze mid stride. "Oh fuck!" I groaned out loud, drawing it out to express my sudden alarm.

"Jeez, dude, exactly how many personalities do you have?"

"How many do you have, _Jazzy_?" I retorted irritated, but I was barely paying attention to him as the panic began rolling in my stomach.

I could not have possibly fucked up again! Could I?

"I've screwed it up, haven't I?" I muttered a moment later, more or less to myself. I brought my palm to my forehead, having the urge to start smacking myself with the heel of it.

There was no reply. I turned to face Jazz; he was contemplating it before he shrugged, half-hearted. "I don't see how. She should be flattered. I know Alley would be as horny—" he stopped abruptly.

"Jesus!" I exploded. "Do you fucking mind?"

"Dude, you're swearing like a motherfucker these days, you know that?" Jazz stated, smirking to himself—or more trying to hold back the snicker. He obviously thought he was freaking hilarious.

I sighed deeply, but otherwise ignored him.

Stepping through the entrance to the cafeteria, and feeling my stomach beginning to knot, my eyes sought out Bella's. I spotted her almost immediately. She was sitting at her regular table staring straight at me. My eyes dipped fractionally as guilt no doubt forced its way into my expression, before I brought them back to hers again. She smiled. It was warm, while a seriousness was etched into her forehead. She definitely didn't look pissed or disappointed; she looked … Jesus, like she wanted to hug me!

I smiled back, feeling my body heat immediately surge as a profound feeling of relief washed through me. I felt like I'd just been hung and the rope had snapped.

Her smile deepened before she glanced away, her cheeks reddening slightly.

I sat in my chair, the relief and exhaustion mingling together making me feel drunk, when I was suddenly shoved sideways. It jolted my already tormented stomach; making me partially wince.

"You're an _idiot_!" Alice's voice burst angrily.

I sighed and opened my mouth to reply, when she cut me off, "What were you thinking?" she demanded, her expression a mixture of anger and concern, her eyes blazing.

"I wasn't thinking, Alice, it was pure impulse. Some prick called her a whore and I snapped," I explained, meeting her angry gaze and hoping that honesty would sway her.

"And then you _collapsed!_" Her anger wavered and suddenly I was seeing _post-accident Alice._ Consumed by guilt and concern—and freaking self-hatred.

I huffed shortly. "I did_ not_ collapse!"

Technically I hadn't, though wise ass Jazz quirked an eyebrow at me dubiously.

"Really?" she challenged me unconvinced, her tone switching back to anger again. "Have you seen yourself, Edward? You look like death."

"Alice, would you just relax—Jesus!" I was beginning to feel irritated by her freaking _scolding_ me in the middle of the cafeteria.

Ignoring her, I glanced up, subconsciously seeking Bella again. She was chatting to Rose; an easygoing grin had replaced the serious contemplation from a moment ago. As my gaze lingered on her, she looked up and directly at me again—as if it was her intention. Her eyes were deep and endless—I couldn't read them.

"It's called _guilt_, Edward!" Alice spoke up, obviously noticing the exchange between me and Bella.

I tore my eyes from Bella's, jarred. "Huh?" I replied blankly.

"She feels terrible that you got hurt while standing up for her." Alice's tone was exasperated this time, as if I should have immediately realized.

Guilt—again!

I felt like groaning with the sudden realization that I was a fucking bastard. I dipped my head and rubbed my forehead with the tips of my fingers slowly, while praying silently that Bella's guilt would not turn into anger and she'd go back to ignoring me again.

When I emerged from my moment of self-disgust and raised my head, Alice had perched herself on Jazz's knee and was feeding him freaking fries. Rolling my eyes, I again turned my attention to Bella. This time it was to see for myself whether Alice was right, but the moment I caught her gaze it was obvious that it _was_ guilt that shone so prominently behind her eyes.

She smiled at me again—and it was more obvious that she felt guilty. I smiled back, before exhaling heavily and looking down, feeling more and more like a fucking prick.

"You want to hear something odd?" Alice suddenly piped up, taking leave from her position of freaking subservience as recognition suddenly sparked in her eyes.

"What?" I asked, half shrugging with indifference.

Her eyes narrowed as she scrutinized me for a moment before she answered, "Jake came up to Bella and told her, in not so many words, to go easy on you. That he'd do the exact same thing only worse if it was Nessie."

I snapped my head up in surprise and my eyes widened in astonishment. "You're serious?"

"Very." Alice smirked at my reaction before she went back to schlepping over Jazz some more, and I was left to contemplate this latest revelation.

I glanced over at Jake. He and his girlfriend seemed too busy trying to imitate Jazzy and Alice to notice. Maybe it was just as well, because if Jacob had met my gaze I may have done something disturbing—like wave.

I was still in a state of bewilderment by the time the bell signaled for fifth period. For a moment it didn't register. Fucking pathetically, I normally sat and counted the minutes to my one class with Bella.

"Not going to Bio today, Edward?" Alice teased me, moments before Jazz piped up, "Yeah, Dude, I would have thought you'd be undressing in anticipation."

They burst into laughter and I was freaking out of there.

I arrived before her. I hated it. I always got carried away and convinced myself it was because she wanted to delay sitting with me. As it was she was only seconds behind me, and just as I was taking my seat she was walking through the door. Her expression was easy going, yet her eyes were still deep.

She made her way to our table and sat down; flashing me a warm, welcoming smile as she did.

She was acknowledging me?

I smiled back, almost too fearful to breathe in case whatever the fuck was happening would burst and she'd go back to ignoring me again.

With trace amounts of her smile still lingering on her lips, she bent down under her desk to retrieve something out of her bag, tucking her hair behind her ear as she did. I got an immediate view of her cleavage, and the blood in my veins instantly shot up to a seriously uncomfortable level.

Freaking Jazz was right. To avoid Bella seeing me remove my jacket and sweater in class, I usually took them off during lunch. I should have known the prick would shove it in my face. I was too distracted during lunch, and now I was faced with removing them in front of her and have her witness again the power she had over me—while attempting to cling to the shredded fragments that I called dignity—or sit with my sweater and jacket on and start sweating like a freaking pig.

It was going to be a very uncomfortable hour.

Mr. Banner walked in and got straight to business. Finals were in two weeks—as if I could forget, as behind as I was. He began filling the whiteboard with hurried scribbling. I tilted my head fractionally to peripherally peek at Bella.

She looked lost in thought, her eyebrows pulling together, as what seemed like a confused frown began etching into her forehead. I continued to gaze at her; her expression didn't falter and I wasn't entirely convinced it was the result of the teacher's lecture.

"Mr. Cullen?" Mr. Banner suddenly spoke up, breaking me from my brooding, and surprising me to the point that I practically jumped out of my skin.

My head snapped up and my attention shot in his direction. He had his back turned, poised to write an answer on the whiteboard; an answer I didn't have. I had no freaking clue what he'd been saying.

"Erm..." I made some awkward fucking sound, before, freaking fuddled I opened and closed my mouth repeatedly like a cod fish, when Bella suddenly reached over, grabbed my note pad and quickly scrawled something on it—with one of my pink pens!

I just sat there, all thoughts of the answer the teacher was waiting for dissolved as I stared dumbfounded at her pen.

She was using one of my pens!

"Mr. Cullen?" Mr. Banner repeated, his voice rising, about to turn and set his scrutinizing gaze in my direction.

Bella began tapping the pad with her pen urgently.

My coherency snapped back. Shaking my head, and clearing the stunned haze that had rendered my brain peanut butter, I focused my eyes on the word written on my note pad.

"Synapse," I hastily spoke, while my heart continued to thud heavily, creating a fucking tsunami beneath my sweater. I yanked on the collar.

"Just in time," he muttered, writing the word on the whiteboard.

Releasing my breath, I gave myself a moment to get a grip on myself, before I reached over, with pitifully clammy, trembling hands, and wrote an untidy **thank you** on my notepad, before sliding it in front of Bella.

She smiled to herself, wrote a reply and passed it back to me again.

**you're welcome**.

I smiled, but I couldn't stop staring at her pen. It was definitely one of the pens I'd given her. Either that, or she'd bought some more.

But what the fuck did it mean?

My thoughts began to become hopelessly lost in the confusion of it, but I quickly shook it from my mind. It was irrelevant. She was smiling at me, using my pen, and fucking Jake was sticking up for me. Whatever the hell was going on I was just going to go with it.

With my still shaking and clammy hands, I pulled the notepad closer to me and wrote:

**I'm glad we're on writing terms again**

She grinned to herself, rolling her eyes slightly before writing a reply and pushing the notepad back in front of me.

**I never said we weren't on writing terms**

I broke into a broad grin, before I could prevent it.

**Well I'm glad**

Her smile inched wider.

**Well I'm glad you're glad**

The little vixen was flirting with me!

I glanced over at her; she had turned her attention to the front of the class, and seemingly to Mr. Banner, with a smile still ghosting over her lips.

I was beginning to suspect that Bella was the devil, and I'd sold my soul to her. She had reduced me to this wretched, pitiful, trembling, freaking wreck in front of her, and I knew I'd still drop to my knees and grovel at her feet if she asked me to—willingly.

I'd turned into Jazz.

I almost broke into an ironic laugh, hastily bringing my fist to my mouth and clearing my throat. It caught Bella's attention and she turned to face me squarely. I smiled at her gently, she smiled back and there it was in full view;

That smile I'd been dreaming about every damn night!

I just sat there in a dumb freaking stupor, knowing that my grin was more than likely passing all boundaries of idiotic. Bella's merely grew as she held my gaze easily.

I was unable to break away.

Mr. Banner suddenly cleared his throat, loudly and hinged with irritation. We tore our eyes from one another and discovered that not only was the teacher staring at us, but so was the entire classroom.

"Sorry, Sir," I blurted out, flustered, like the complete idiot that I was.

"No answer, Mr. Cullen?" he asked me, his eyebrows raising skeptically.

I only shook my head in answer.

"Miss Swan?" He turned his scrutiny on her.

"No … sorry," she admitted, her face flushing deeply.

"Does anyone have the answer?" Mr. Banner turned his attention to the rest of the class.

Weasel called out the wrong answer. I snorted, only half to myself, and noticed Bella's lips twitch ever so slightly as she attempted to remain composed.

Mr. Banner sighed, turned to the whiteboard and wrote the correct answer, before continuing his lecture.

"See, I told you Cullen was banging the whore," a lowered voice from behind us spoke. It was said with the obvious intention of Bella hearing and was followed by several hushed snickers.

Immediately I was fucking pissed, going stiff in my chair, at the same time Mr. Banner spun around facing the class again, his expression darkening.

He'd heard as well.

"There will be no speaking unless I address you. Is that clear?" he barked across the room eyeing each and every person with suspicion, before his eyes rested on Bella for a fraction longer. His expression softened, before he turned back around to the whiteboard.

I turned slowly around in the direction I'd heard the voice, glaring, narrowing my attention on the four guys that were in the direction the comment had come from. They were all staring down at the top of their tables, deliberately avoiding my gaze like fucking asswipes.

"Edward," Bella's voice spoke in a whisper, her hand reaching out to touch mine—that I'd clenched into a tight fist around my pen.

Surprised from both her touch, and finally hearing her speak my name, I turned to her and stared into her eyes. They were wide and pleading.

"Don't worry about it." Her voice was soft and she smiled warmly in an attempt to show me that she wasn't.

I sighed deeply. The guilt that was building within me joined ranks with my still tangible anger.

The conclusion was that I was a fucking prick. All this shit was my fault! She was being called a whore because of me!

"Bella … I'm so sorry," I replied gently, releasing my breath with pure guilt and remorse. I broke my gaze; I couldn't fucking look at her.

She nudged me then, bringing an immediate smile to my face.

"If you don't stop being a sooky la la, Edward, I will suspend all note writing privileges," she teased me in a soft, playful voice.

Oh fuck yes, she was most definitely the devil.

**...**

At the end of Bio, Bella turned to me, her smile still warm, while her eyes continued to shine. "Goodbye, Edward." Her tone was tender, and color tinged again in her cheeks.

I was dazed. "See-ya later, alligator." My voice had dropped to outright-betrayal-of-my-self-respect tender; this was despite the fact that I hadn't even realized what I'd just said.

It hit me a moment later, and I wanted to fucking groan out loud and beat my head into the desk top.

What the fuck was wrong with me?

When I finally braved Bella's gaze again, feeling my ears on fucking fire, her smile only broadened, becoming toothy.

"While, crocodile," she replied in a light tone before she stepped into the isle and headed toward the door.

I only stared after her, grinning to myself triumphantly—like an _annoying, cocky wanker_, but knowing Bella absolutely owned me, and for the first time not wanting it any other way.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading :)**


	21. Roots

**A/N: Cue comic relief**

* * *

**Chapter 21**

**Roots**

**Edward's POV**

I was late to Spanish. I could only guess what my expression looked like; I felt manic. As for the rest of me, as soon as Bella was safely out of sight, I'd ripped the layers of clothes over my head and let the rain cool my burning skin. My t-shirt had stuck to my chest and was still pasted there when I walked into class.

As soon as Jazz spotted me a mocking smirk broke across his face. "Hey, dude."

I ignored him, slumped in my chair languidly, grinning to myself and not giving a shit how freaking gay I looked.

"So I'm gathering Bio went well then?" he asked, his smirk turning into an eye roll.

I half shrugged, my grin pulling wider. "It went okay."

"So ... is it going to be safe to sit beside you?" He snorted, but I wasn't bothered by it—hell I deserved a lot more. Still, I wasn't declaring open season.

"Well, that depends on how much you piss me off," I retorted, but I was already over it. My skin was buzzing, making me feel fucking hornier, and this was on top of how fucked up exhausted I still was from attacking that prick in the halls. I felt drunk—at best.

Jazz snorted again; at least I think he did...

**...**

When we reached the car park at the end of the day, we were just in time to see _Weasel_ _Newton _approach Bella and Alice—who were walking several feet ahead of us. I was immediately tense, clenching my fists so tightly I felt my knuckles crack. I quickened my step, ignoring Jazz as he groaned with exaggeration beside me.

By the time I reached Alice, Weasel had pulled Bella aside, just out of view a couple of feet away toward her Jeep.

"What the fuck is that pissant doing to her?" I demanded, my voice all but a growl, but Alice merely shushed me with impatience to be quiet. She even brushed off Jazz's affections, before tilting her head in the best advantage to eavesdrop.

When Bella spoke her voice carried to us clearly, laced with irritation. "I'm waiting, Mike!"

We had to strain a little harder to overhear weasel. "I was just wondering ... if we could bury the hatchet and all that..."

His voice was wavering. I smirked to myself, on the verge of snorting, when Alice whacked me in the chest and brought her finger to her lips.

"For the love of God!" Bella burst with impatience.

"I was wondering ... if ... you'd..." Weasel failed the second attempt, faltering again.

Bella huffed, clearly pissed off. "If I'd _WHAT_?"

"If you'd go to the prom with me?" he blurted out hastily, obviously before the dick lost the nerve.

Holding back an open laugh tested all boundaries of my self-control. I was forced to cough and splutter it behind my hand. Again, Alice turned to me, bringing her finger to her lips, only this time she was fighting the urge to grin.

There was silence from Bella. I all but strained my neck to hear her response.

"_WHAT_?" she finally demanded, her tone incredulous.

"I was won—" Weasel began but Bella cut him off.

"I heard you the first time!" she exclaimed, before mumbling something I couldn't make out.

Weasel didn't reply, and after another pause Bella spoke up again, "Mike, obviously you have delusions about us, so I am going to make this very clear"_—_Weasel still didn't respond_—_"I would rather swallow _razorblades_ than go _anywhere_ with you. Besides, haven't you heard? We are no longer together. I'm _screwing_ Edward!"

Jazz scoffed this time and nudged me. I barely registered it; I was dazed, my lips pulling into a huge, fucked up grin.

Mike's voice piped up, regaining some confidence, "Come on, Bells, you know that's all a rumor."

"Just like your _bike accident, Mike—_and let me assure you it's _not _a rumor, and compared to Edward"_—_she suddenly rose her voice for the obvious benefit of everyone in the car park_—_"_YOU'RE HUNG LIKE A PENCIL_!"

Holy fuck!

Alice immediately snickered, while I became only half aware of Jazz shoving me forward.

"Duuuuude," he drawled in my ear.

"Bella, come on, everyone knows what's been going on_," w_as Newton's asshole smug reply.

I felt myself stiffen, but Alice turned to me, shaking her head to placate me; her expression still all out laughter.

Bella snorted without a pause. "They do, _Mike_. They've been talking about it all day; haven't you been listening? The whole school saw me and Edward screwing fifty ways til Sunday. So yeah, guess I'm going to the prom with _him_."

She was?

I was stonewalled by complete paralyzing desire; it was freaking painful.

"Aw come on, Bells, no more games." Weasel was persistent, but it didn't even remotely bother me by this point. Bella was owning his ass—just like she owned mine.

"Time to accept reality, Mike. I dumped you because—unlike Edward—YOU'RE A DUD ROOT!"

I wasn't a ... _what_?

Despite having the boner from hell, I could only blink my eyes blankly in complete confusion. I bent my head down to Alice, who was busy choking back her laughter.

"What's a dud root, Alice?" I asked curiously, keeping the volume of my voice low.

Jazz spoke the same question only it was drowned out by Emmett who'd just arrived, exclaiming loudly, "DUD ROOT? NEWTON, MAN, THAT BLOWS!"

"Pun intended," Bella muttered.

Alice almost puked up her lungs bursting into laughter. "It means," she paused to get control of herself, "shit at ... sex."

Oh God! I was too exhausted for another erection ... wasn't I? Jesus, apparently not!

"Dude, you're taking Bella to prom?" Jazz asked me.

"Apparently," I replied, shaking my head to myself almost incredulous. Just yesterday she was still ignoring ass and now—I wasn't shit at sex?

Fuck! Obviously almost killing myself on some asshole in the halls had caused her wall to come crashing down in one go.

I quickly positioned my bag in front of me just as weasel walked hastily past us, his face a tomato, his eyes staring at the ground, and mumbling something about not being a shit lay. I snorted out a snicker openly and he hurried his step.

"Hey, dud root?" Emmett called after him. Weasel's eyes rose slightly in our direction and Emmett added. "Have a nice weekend, yeah?"

At that moment Bella stepped around from the side of her jeep, tentatively. The look on her face clearly indicated that she was mortified by the prospect that I'd heard her conversation with weasel.

She seriously didn't know I was there?

I smiled at her, watching as the color flushed her cheeks. She caught my gaze and smiled back, though her expression was flustered and slightly angry.

She only broke our gaze when Alice made her way over to her.

Alice hugged her impulsively, laughing as she did, before the two of them stepped back behind Bella's car and I lost sight of her.

Emmett passed me then, slapping me vigorously on the back. I had to fight to remain upright.

"Edwina..." he drawled, his expression freaking suggestive. "By the way, that rumor? Wonder who started it…?" He coughed deliberately, winking.

I scoffed, breaking into a reluctant smile and shaking my head to myself.

I owed him now, that's for sure.

I watched him approached Bella and Alice, and my heart almost stalled. I moved forward a few feet so I could see them; they were chatting, and as he passed them, he paused to say an over animated good-bye to Bella. She glanced over at him, breaking into a broad grin and raised her hand in response.

That seemed to be it.

I let out the air that I'd been holding subconsciously in my lungs, prematurely, because after he'd taken a few steps more, he turned back to her.

"Bella?" he called out, while my stomach lunged in panic

She looked over to him again, her eyebrows shooting up questioningly.

"How do you say the opposite of dud root? Cause obviously bludge needs a new nickname." He smirked, before turning to me and giving me the thumbs up sign.

_Fuck my life. _I groaned inwardly, reaching up to rub my brow with my fingertips.

Bella turned slowly to face me, her cheeks turning that fucked up appealing shade again.

I flashed her the best _I'm-sorry-my-brother-is-a-dickhead_ look I could manage in the second or two before she turned back to Emmett. I doubted she registered it, the expression on her face appeared jarred—and cynical again.

"Uh..." she stammered, sighing with an embarrassed sort of smile.

Alice interjected, rolling her eyes. "Emmett, leave her alone."

He winked at her. "Never mind, I'll come up with something."

I had no doubts he would.

He continued to his car, paused at the driver's side door then bellowed, "_DUD ROOT! WHERE ARE MY KEYS?_"

Jazz burst into laughter, while Bella bowed her head and exhaled, smiling to herself, and looking more and more self-conscious.

"_WHERE THE DUD ROOT IS ROSIE_?" Emmett exclaimed a moment later, and I truly thought idiot Jazz might burst a blood vessel in his brain.

Rose walked past only moments later, rolling her eyes. "I don't want to know," she sighed, before she stopped to give Bella and Alice one of those kisses that girls give one another—as a surge of envy flooded through me—before jumping into the passenger side of Emmett's massive F250.

Bella and Alice continued to chat a few feet ahead of Jazz and I. Bella was obviously waiting for Jacob and Nessie. Her eyes pulled in my direction a couple of times, before she reined them back to Alice, while the ruddiness to her cheeks remained intact—despite the fact that she was shrinking into her jacket from the wind. I couldn't feel the degree of the weather; I was too freaking hot to feel anything but the rate of my pulse and throbbing, half erection.

Jazz smirked. "Dude, seriously, have you two...?" He raised his eyebrows his grin turning smutty.

I whirled around in his direction ready to rip his freaking tongue out, when Emmett's voice sang out in the distance.

"_HURRY THE DUD ROOT UP!_" He was hanging out of the window of his car, about six cars back in the usual queue that you had to put up with every afternoon at the intersection of the school.

Jazz barreled over laughing like a tool just as the sound of Bella's traveled over to me. It effectively distracted me from my intention of killing Jazz as my train of thought ceased instantly by the soft timbre of it. It soothed my irritation in an instant.

I had no fucking idea what Bella did to me, but I found I wasn't so adverse to it anymore.

**...**

When the parking lot was practically empty, Jake and Nessie finally approached, walking slowly, tangled in each other's arms. But, on closer inspection, it became obvious that Nessie was unwell, and just as they passed Jazz and I, she suddenly went into a bout of gross sounding coughing.

Jazz hastily whipped around, his hand clamped over his nose and mouth, anxiously. "Final game tomorrow—can't get sick!"

Jacob's eyes narrowed in his direction for the barest moment, before his attention quickly returned back to his girlfriend. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, his brow creased.

Bella quickly came toward her, her eyes wide with concern. "Oh, Ness, you okay?"

"Don't come too close, Bella. I'm contagious," Nessie replied in a miserable and cracked nasally voice.

Ignoring her, Bella wrapped her arm around Nessie's shoulder, before turning to Alice. "I'll ring you tonight, Als, okay?"

"Cool, Bells. You still coming to the game with us tomorrow?" Alice asked, just as my heart reached the point of critical failure.

_Bella's coming to the game with us—with me?_

"I said I was, didn't I?" was her teasing response.

She turned her gaze in my direction then, and her smile turned warm.

"Goodbye, Edward—see-ya, Jazz!" she stammered, turning her attention quickly to Jazz. Her face was flushing again, just as Nessie clamped her hand over her face and began sneezing all over her.

"Goodbye, Bella," I replied softly, my pansy ass voice not really holding up. But since she had already turned and began walking Nessie in the direction of her Jeep, it was probably a good thing.

"See-ya, Bella!" Jazz sang out loudly after her. Snorting, he nudged me forward.

She turned back in response to him, but her eyes locked with mine. For a brief moment a wide smile brightened her face, reflecting in her eyes, before it vanished and she turned away, leaving me jolted and blinking numbly.

No cynicism, no I-see-right-through-you-Edward-Cullen shit—there was none of that!

"I think you left your balls in Bella's bag, dude," Jazz snickered, effectively snapping me out of my stupor with an internal groan.

I ignored him as he laughed at his own joke, and climbed into the back of Alice's car, over the passenger side seat.

There was the usual _Alice, Jazz, how-was-your-day, I-love-you-baby_ crap to sit through, before they finally dragged their asses into the car. After that, it was exactly three minutes into the car ride home when Jazz told me my body heat was turning the car into a crematorium.

"Jesus, Jazz, do you fucking Google at night?" Though I had to admit, that one was actually pretty original.

The only thing to stem their laughter was the next red light, where it was immediately muffled.

"Oh for fuck ... " I muttered to myself, letting it go in frustration, despite the fact that I was pretty much expecting it. If I didn't become immune to them, or find another way of getting to school, another six months without a license would be the freaking end of me!

**...**

Jazz's latest ploy in gaining extra time to feel up my sister was to drive to our house in the mornings, go to school with Alice and I, then hang out all afternoon with Alice, in the guise of _studying _with her in her bedroom. After he was fed, mom would eventually chase him off at the end of the day.

So when all _three_ of us walked through the front door that afternoon, Emmett had come up with my nickname, exclaiming it the minute I walked through the front door, "_DUDLEY DOO ROOT!_"

Jazz almost fell to the ground in a fit of idiotic laughter, while I groaned loudly. But it was all bullshit; I wasn't really pissed. Bella could tell anyone she wanted that I wasn't a dud root and Emmett could give me as much crap as he wanted to over it. It was completely fine with me.

Of course, now it was Emmett's favorite thing to say. You'd actually be surprised by the inventiveness in which he could drag it into conversation. The guy was a walking PhD, on wise ass astuteness. And every time he came up with a new way to express it, dickhead Jazz would practically bleed from his eyes, laughing so much.

I was hanging in the living room, watching television and studying in an attempt to avoid freaking Jazz and Pixie when they decided to join me. Emmett followed a few minutes later. I gave up on studying after the fifth time Emmett interrupted me with one of his dud root jokes, but since he hadn't cracked a single _cold without Bella_ joke, I was more than cool with it. In fact, after a while I realized I was subconsciously laughing along with freaking Jazz.

"Jazzy, honey, don't encourage him," Alice whispered into Jazz's ear_—_while my skin crawled_—_after Emmett _innocently _inquired if Australia's version of Hooters was called Rooters. Jazz of course had gone into another round of dimwitted laughter. "I'll never get Bella to stay overnight on the weekend," she added with a sigh, while my heart came to a violent pit stop in my chest.

Bella was staying overnight?

"DUD ROOT, Dudley, you look like you're going to have a heart attack!" wise ass Emmett boomed. Jazz's laughter abruptly stopped and he turned his smirking attention my way, just before Emmett turned to Rose and added, "Fancy a root, baby?"

Rose loudly slapped him in the back of the head. "Don't be vulgar! I hang out with Bella too, you know. I do actually know the meaning of that word!"

Bella was staying overnight?

I suddenly began manifesting images of Bella in some black laced undergarment thing that she wore to bed, and was immediately required to leave the room.

"_DON'T HAVE A DUD ROOT, DUDLEY_!" Emmett called out to me.

Jazz's laughter followed me down the hall, getting under my skin, but it was quite effective in deflating the tenth freaking erection I'd had that day.

A cold shower later and a last minute whack off, but Bella in lingerie refused to budge from my thoughts.

I sat through dinner with steam practically rising from my damp hair, while Emmett went into round after round of dud root expressions. It had Mom convinced it had something to do with me not playing baseball the next day. She ended up telling Emmett to stop being insensitive, which only made Jazz snort his laughter back like the obnoxious prick he was.

"_WHO THE DUD ROOT FLUSHED THE TOILET?_" Emmett bellowed later that night as he took a shower, his voice turning deafening as it echoed from inside the bathroom.

I was guessing no one had.

In the hallway, Alice and I shared one of our _Emmett_ looks as we were about to retreat to our bedrooms.

"Am I going to have to lock my door, Alice? Or do you want to come and tuck me in?"

"I think Bella will be tucking you in tonight, Edward," the little rat replied, breaking into a smug grin. I could feel my ears immediately flash purple—a confirmation of her suspicions. Her grin broadened and grew slyer. "Uh-huh ... I'm _so_ glad my room doesn't share a common wall with yours."

Throwing her a scowl, I took a threatening step in her direction. It brought out an immediate squeal from her before she threw open her door and disappeared behind it.

"_WHAT THE DUD ROOT ARE YOU FREAKY TWINS DOING_?" Came Emmett's still ear piercing voice from behind the bathroom door.

Scoffing to myself, I closed my door, grabbing my bio book out of my bag that hung on the doorknob. I pulled myself idly on top of my bed and gazed down at it for a moment. I was tanking in Bio, complimentary to Bella's presence every day. So, like I did every night, I attempted to catch up on the work I'd lost during the day's lesson. But after the open book had been sitting in my lap for half an hour, I realized I couldn't get Bella from my thoughts.

I had to get proactive.

Pushing my hand back through my hair in a moment of contemplation, I reached over and grabbed my cell from my bedside table. There was something I'd been thinking about doing ever since the parking lot that afternoon, but had been stalling on ever since.

I clicked open my contacts, staring at Bella's name—even though I'd memorized her number the second I'd stolen it from Alice.

_She did say we were on writing terms,_ I thought to myself with a sly grin.

I let my mind wander to Bella in Bio that afternoon; to way she was deliberately fucking flirting with me.

Either Bella was fucking with me or she was finally coming around. So fuck it, it was now or never.

"Take your balls out of Bella's bag and do it!" Jazz would say.

Clicking into my messages, I hastily texted what I'd been devising, before my hands became too pathetically shaky.

**Hey, Bella, just wondering what time I should pick you up for prom? Edward.**

I clicked _send,_ before the last of my bravery was choked out, and waited for her reply while my heart began thumping so heavily in my chest I was beginning to feel freaking light headed.

Ninety seconds later, my cell buzzed and I almost jumped straight over the side of my bed.

**Ha ha Edward, very funny. How would you pick me up, on your tricycle?**

I chuckled softly to myself.

**Not a bad idea actually and I'll let you have the seat, **I replied, wondering why the fuck I thought that was funny the second I'd sent it.

Ninety seconds later, or there about, came Bella's reply, **How did u get my number BTW?**

I hesitated, feeling myself tense.

_Crap! I hadn't thought of that. Crafty little vixen!_

I thought about telling her that Alice had given it to me, but it was something she could easily verify, so I decided to go with honesty, hoping she'd be flattered by my stalker practices.

**I stole it from Alice.**

**righto, **was Bella's reply and added was a little emoticon of a confused face.

**R u mad?**

**No, not mad. You could have just asked me for it.**

**You weren't talking to me.**

**Yeah I wasn't... **was her response followed by another one twenty seconds later. **Thanks for sticking up for me today, Edward. I feel terrible.**

I let out my breath shortly. **Don't feel terrible. It's my fault it's happening.**

**No it isn't**, she replied.

**Yes it is**, I answered.

**It isn't! **And again another message come through a moment later, **What r u up to?**

**Trying to study, not much luck tho. What about you?**

**Just veging, listening to the rain.**

**Yeah same here, except take out rain and add Emmett's snoring.**

**Lol do u guys share a room?**

**No, but the walls r so thin, we might as well.**

**Lol. **Before another message came sixty seconds later, **Want to hear my Forks joke?**

Jesus, even her text messages were adorable.

**Certainly**, was my reply_._

**You know u r from Forks when u think fast food is hitting a possum at 65mph.**

I broke into laughter, shaking my head to myself in awe of her.

**U r definitely a local now Bella**

We texted back and forth like that for over three hours. It gave me a huge insight into Bella's personality. She _was_ funny; her sense of humor was dry witted and she had me bursting into laughter a few times that brought a loud bang from Emmett's side of the wall.

"_SHUT THE DUD ROOT UP, DUDLEY_!

It distracted me from the fact that I was beyond exhausted, and it wasn't until Bella texted, **It's been really fun chatting with you Edward, but I'm buggered**, that I realized it was one am. Though, it did explain why my fingers were stiff, and I almost preferred to have another part of my body take the reins in that retrospect for a while.

Texting back with a quick grin, I wrote, **I'm buggered too.**

**R u mocking me Edward?** Added was an emoticon with its tongue sticking out.

I chuckled. **Not at all**, was my reply.

**Goodnight Edward, talk at school tomorrow xx**

**Sweet dreams Bella**, I replied. I regretted it as soon as it sent.

Jesus, I was such a pussy!

I was on-the-verge-of-being-a-stalker in love with her, and she knew it too. She knew she had me by the balls, while any semblance of my dignity was snuffed out when I told her I was cold without her, so why not just freaking go with it? She had already hated me enough times to reject me over and over again, but she was still up all night texting with me. I was beginning to win the war, and it was time I stopped this game playing shit and accepted it.

Just as I was falling asleep an idea suddenly occurred to me. I knew that if there was ever going to be a good time to wear the _"I've got a big pen"_ shirt again, it would be the next day.

I dreamed of her again; black lingerie and long cascading dark hair spilling over her naked shoulders. I was wound up so freaking tight that it was inevitable. In the morning when I woke up, stiffer than the Forks High School flagpole, shirt plastered to my sweaty chest and abdomen, I shuddered to think what Emmett had heard.

I hastily showered, resisting the urge to whack off a few more times, as I convinced myself that if Emmett heard anything over the deafening sound of his snoring, it'd be miraculous.

As I made my way down to the kitchen all logic dissolved and was replaced by a fear of the inevitable. Emmett could hear an M&M crunch over the blaring volume he liked to watch the football on, and could smell a Pizza Hut twenty-five miles before we reached one. The guy's senses were freakish!

As it was, it was Alice that I had to fear. She immediately shoved me and whacked me in irritation with the cereal box. The little rat was a lot more formidable than her five foot two height allowed for.

"What do you think you're doing stealing Bella's number from my phone?" she exclaimed, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring up at me.

My heart skipped a beat in sudden panic.

Bella had told Alice! Was she pissed?

My thoughts had just begun wandering back to our three-hour texting session, when Emmett walked in the room.

"So that's what you were doing last night, Edna? Phone rooting!" He smirked deviously.

Thankfully, Alice was distracted by the sound of Jazz laughing on the other side of the rear door; signaling his arrival.

Emmett threw himself lazily down in a chair at the breakfast table. I contemplated forgoing cereal and looking in the refrigerator for no other reason than to hide from him. His sly grin was hinting at more than what he was giving away. I seriously freaking suspected that he'd heard a lot more last night than just my laughter at Bella's texts.

As he watched me his eyebrows suddenly pulled together; his expression turning to a comical contrast. "What the root is that t-shirt you're wearing?"

It was enough to separate Jazz and Alice's g_ood morning, I love you Pixie Pie-Jazzy Jazz—_something I'd forbade them from doing while I was in the car. Idiot Jazz immediately asphyxiated himself on another round of laughter.

Alice whirled around and focused her attention on my t-shirt, her eyes narrowing threateningly.

"Don't even think about it, Edward!" she warned me with cower inducing authority.

"What?" Emmett spoke up with a mouth full of cereal. "Dudley's allowed to root with Bella again if he wants to."

I almost choked on the orange juice I'd just poured, as Alice's frustration began reaching a climax.

"Emmett, Jesus!" she cried with increasing impatience.

"Is Bella going to watch the game with you today, honey? How nice," Mom commented to me as she walked into the room.

"Yeah, he's hoping to get a few good roots in with her," Emmett added, his smirk turning cocky.

I spluttered back the orange juice while I actually thought Jazz might freaking suffocate and die.

"Alice, get Jazz a glass of water!" Mom exclaimed with alarm.

We left soon after, and before Jazz's lack of control when it came to Emmett's jokes forced Mom into contemplating the real meaning behind _dud root! _It'd just be typical that she'd work it out, and I'd be the one she'd drag to Carlisle's office for a freaking sex talk, when ironically, I was the only one in the family _not _having sex.

* * *

**A/N: Emmett is such a dag, right?**


	22. My Date For Prom

**A/N: Ye gods, I'm almost at half way**

* * *

**Chapter 22**

**My Date For Prom**

**Edward's POV**

My intention for the day—without mentioning getting Bella to agree to go to the prom with me—was to talk to Jacob about weasel Newton.

By second period, and by the fact that Emmett had half the male population chorusing _dud root_ to Weasel on sight, I had a sneaking suspicion it would no longer be necessary. I was actually pretty relieved. Asking Jacob to rein in that prick Newton, when all I wanted was to break his neck, would've taken another very large chunk out of my already fubar pride.

As it turned out, Jacob came to me.

I was walking through the halls in between second and third periods, grinning to myself at the sound of Emmett's voice resounding throughout the halls—his latest hybrid expression at the moment was _dud root it—_when out of nowhere Jacob half slapped, half shoved me from behind before stepping in line with me.

"So, _Princess,_" his voice was thick and nasally, and he coughed into his hand before he continued, "I just wanted to say that I appreciate you sticking up for Bella yesterday."

I opened my mouth to reply in a state of _am-I-in-the-freaking-twilight-zone_ shock, when he continued before I could answer. Not that I had an answer ready anyway, so in a way I guess he prevented me from looking like a dumbfounded idiot. "I would have done the same thing, and if I was there I would have finished the asshole off while you were passed out." He smirked to himself, and I immediately tensed, fucking indignant.

I looked over at him drawing my brows together, not sure if I really had the right to be pissed off, when he met my gaze. His expression immediately darkened before he blurted, his tone hardening, "This doesn't mean I want to jump in bed with you, Cullen! And rest assured if you hurt Bella again, I will dig a hole and bury you."

I just stared after him as he took longer, quicker strides and disappeared into the crowd ahead of me, before I scoffed to myself, shaking my head.

If that wasn't out of left field, I didn't know what was!

I was still musing over it in disbelief when I spotted Alice and Bella approaching, and immediately a jolt of heat plowed through me almost stopping me short.

I slowed my step and watched them more closely. Alice nudged her in a kidding way, and Bella exhaled into a soft laugh.

Mesmerizing? Shit, she was detrimental to my sanity! If I did, by some miracle, take her to the prom, I didn't know how the hell I was going to overcome this freaking reaction she brought out in me.

But what if Bella actually wanted to go to the prom with me?

This is when suddenly I was hit by a huge burst of confidence.

She'd told Mike-the-weasel-Newton I was not only taking her, but _screwing_ her! On some subconscious level, I think she wanted to go with me. Maybe it was the reason she stopped ignoring me, maybe not. But I knew Bella enough to know that if she couldn't stand me, there was no way she'd bring my name up, let alone yell to half the school that I didn't have a pencil dick.

Bella never chased me; it was going to have to be all me.

So fuck it!

I quickly pulled my sweater over my head, shoving it into my bag with a few seconds to spare just as she looked over at me and caught my gaze. I flashed her the broadest, cockiest, most charming grin I could manage, before I winked at her. Her smile had already lit itself up warmly across her face, when it faltered, and she practically frowned.

This was her usual reaction when I flirted with her, so I wasn't too concerned by it.

Her gaze then slowly broke from mine and drifted to my t-shirt. Her mouth fell open, before her eyes snapped back to meet mine and narrowed. I only grinned back wider and half shrugged with one shoulder. It was then that her surprised, cynical expression slowly gave way to this fucked up, warm, knowing grin, before she shook her head slowly to herself.

I knew from that moment on that I would never have the advantage over her again, but I didn't want it. I didn't want Bella to respond to me with battering eyes and dimwitted giggles, and the fact that she was the only girl in the school who gave me evil looks when I smiled at her turned me freaking on.

She didn't buy any of it; she saw straight through me.

"Bella … Alice," I said to them. My smile was still charming, but it was waning dramatically with the freaking rise in my body heat.

"Nice t-shirt, Edward," Alice replied dryly. I glanced in her direction just as she was breaking into a sarcastic grin.

I turned back to Bella, her smile was turning cynical again. I was just going to have console myself that that's how she smiled at me.

"You're a dag, Edward," she replied lightly.

I only grinned broader, through my nose, not knowing what the hell that word meant, and not caring.

"What the hell am I supposed to do with your brother?" I heard her say to Alice a moment later, her tone light and teasing.

**...**

By the time I was nearing the English block I was back to my usual wound up, horny, high strung self. Seeing Slut-bag Stanley waiting outside the classroom did nothing to help in that respect.

Quickening my pace, I turned my head away from her and stepped through the door when she called me back.

I inhaled deeply and deliberately before letting it out in a long frustrated sigh. Despite the fact that Jessica was on the evil end of being a complete bitch, being close to her brought flashbacks of that fucked up night at Rob's party.

"Yes?" I asked her, my tone bordering all out hostility.

"Can I talk to you for a sec?" she asked me. She flashed me a fucking slutty smile that was like nails down a chalkboard, and immediately accompanied by images of her running her hands—

_Fuck, no!_

I groaned again under my breath and immediately forced it from my mind.

Ironically, I preferred to reminisce when I had my head down the toilet. It was something I recalled whenever I caught certain smells of alcohol, and just like now in Jessica's presence, it churned my stomach. Still, I'd definitely take that memory over the _other _one.

"What do you want, Jessica?" I asked her with an edge of impatience. I reached up to rub my forehead aggravated wishing I could erase all images of _that night with her._

"Well ..." She reached up and twirled a strand of her hair around her index finger—as if I was supposed to find it a turn on.

I waited, raising my eyebrows with emphasis for her to get on with it.

"I was just wondering ... if you'd like to be my date for prom?" Her tone was deliberately innocent.

I wanted to fucking scoff at her in disbelief, but instead, taking a measured breath, I answered her matter of factly, "I'm sorry Jessica"— though that was the last thing I felt —"but haven't you heard? I'm going with Bella."

"Bella?" she exclaimed with a screechy voice that was like a fucking knife straight into my temple. "You're taking _her,_ after everything she's done to you?"

"What exactly is it that she's done,_ Jessica_?" I demanded with a hard tone this time.

"Well ... you know? She almost got you killed—she slept around on you. She treats Alice like shit! The girl is a nasty piece of work. She should just go back to where she came from!" Along with the spite, there was a sense of desperation in her voice. It made me snort with sarcastic amusement, before I openly laughed.

"What's so funny?" She spat at me, obviously realizing her prom request was a lost cause.

"That's all a rumor, Jessica—that the whole school knows you made up! Bella is one hundred times what you'll ever be. You are a spineless, manipulative bitch, and I'd rather swallow razor blades than go anywhere with you!"

Jazz passed at that moment, snorting loudly to himself before he disappeared inside the classroom.

When I glanced back at Jessica, she was glaring at me; all pretenses gone. But I was over this shit; jerking my shoulders and shoving her from my thoughts, I turned to walk into the classroom.

"Fuck you, Edward!" she hollered after me.

I stopped and half turned back to her. "Not even if you paid me, Jessica."

When I walked into the classroom Jazz was sitting out our table smirking with full mocking fucking amusement. "I see you've left your balls with Bella again. You forgot to tell Jessica she's a _dud root_ too."

"Fuck you, _Jazzy-pants,_" I retorted lightly.

"Charming," he said, continuing to grin to himself

I only snorted lightly, but didn't reply.

**...**

"So, have you taken your balls out of Bella's purse and asked her to the prom yet?" wiseass Jazz as we headed toward the cafeteria.

I glanced at him and rolled my eyes, shoving the prick. "My balls aren't in Bella's purse, asshole, they're in the palm of her hand. That's the reason I haven't asked her yet, because she has the power to rip them off."

He snorted. "Well at least you're not in denial anymore."

"Yeah whatever," I muttered, wishing he'd lose interest in this already, as I shoved open the double doors to the cafeteria.

"All this shit Bella's doing to you, it'll all go away you know." I looked over at him, just as his grin turned sly. "As soon as the two of you ..." he paused to raise his eyebrows suggestively, "a couple of times."

I rolled my eyes, deciding to pretend I didn't know there was any reference of my sister in there somewhere. I didn't allow my thoughts to delve any deeper into his meaning involving Bella either. I'd had enough erections the day before to know that after the tenth one, it was no longer a freaking positive thing.

"_DUD ROOT_!" Emmett's voice suddenly boomed out, just as Weasel shoved past us into the cafeteria. His head was down and he was muttering angrily to himself as half the cafeteria began chorusing it to him.

I snorted, while Jazz laughed out loud, and just as Alice stepped in line with him.

"Hey, handsome," she said softly to him, her voice in a tone that made a shudder run the freaking length of me.

I hung back as they made their way to line up for their lunch, searching the hall for Bella. I was soon obvious she wasn't there, and at the thought of her not being in Bio—not going to the game, I was suddenly fucking panicked!

"She'll be back soon, Edward. She's taking Jake home," Alice explained to me, giving me that evil _I-know-you-better-than-you-know-yourself_ grin, as she sat beside Jazz at our regular table.

I sighed beneath my breath, but unfortunately, I was a fucking open book, and it didn't escape Jazz's attention. He groaned, completely over exaggerating it.

"Pathetic isn't it?" he spoke to my sister, flashing me an asshole grin.

I only sighed again, deeply—audibly.

I was forced to endure more of the prick's shit through lunch while I waited for Bella to come back. My plan was to ask her to prom on the way to Bio, but as the minutes ticked by I began to get anxious that she wouldn't be back in time. If she came back only in time for fifth period, it left the time between bio and the car park. I was guessing the entire school was going to use the baseball final as an excuse to get out of last period, and I didn't fancy asking her with hundreds of eavesdroppers.

Eventually, Alice and Jazz decided to have a small amount of courtesy and include me in their conversation; small talk, which conveniently bypassed anything to do with the game that afternoon.

Yeah, I was upset about it, but I wasn't in denial.

"So, I see Jazz and Alice are still _eating_?" Came Bella's voice, light and teasing, as she sat down beside me suddenly—jolting my temperature up ten notches. She turned to me and grinned in an empathetic way. "I totally understand; I live with one too."

Jesus-freaking-Christ, she completely owned me, and I was suddenly fucking stumped for words.

"_Bugger off, _Bella! How am I supposed to resist Jazzy? He's such a _spunk_!" Alice replied with a full teasing grin.

Bella returned it in good nature, rolling her eyes. "Righto then."

I cleared my throat, hoping my vocal cords had not turned mutinous on me as well. "How's Jake?" I asked her, having no fucking idea why.

Her eyes widened a fraction—in surprise maybe. "Um ... he has Nessie's flu—surprise, surprise," she paused a moment, shrugging. "Yeah, he's pretty crook—sick," she stammered, looking down momentarily as her cheeks immediately deepened.

I only smiled at her.

"You ready for finals?" she asked after she looked up and met my gaze again, seeming to shrug it off.

"As much as I'll ever be, I guess," I replied, slightly distracted as I willed my body to calm down. I wondered if I'd ever get fucking acclimatized to her.

"Me too," she said softly, dropping her gaze to her hands again.

I watched her, a frown creasing my forehead.

"_DUD ROOT! THIS COLESLAW TASTES LIKE SHIT_!" Emmett's voice suddenly bellowed through the cafeteria.

Jazz started laughing, though it was muffled with whatever he was still doing with Alice, while Bella exhaled through her nose, half laughing.

"Your brother is completely mad," she said a moment later, shaking her head to herself.

"I think that's the general consensus," I replied, smiling at her warmly.

The bell for fifth period signaled, and my heart immediately stonewalled.

I turned to Bella, just as she was doing the same, and caught her gaze. I reached over and playfully donged her hand that she had resting on the tabletop. Her grin broadened. "Wanna do bio, crocodile?" I said like the mother of all dickheads, just as prick Jazz openly laughed at me.

I rubbed by brow, feeling my whole fucking skin prickle with mortification when Bella grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the table. "Let's go, alligator."

Owning my ass, she led me through to the halls; I followed with a freaking goofy grin plastered all over my face. A moment later I remembered what I wanted to ask her and immediately felt myself becoming derailed again.

As luck would have it, Bella had to detour to her locker first. It gave me the extra amount of time I needed, and pathetically, the time it took to walk to her locker, was how long it took to get the freaking nerve to open my mouth.

She grabbed her bag out of her locker, slammed the door shut again, before turning to me with a quick grin.

"So ... erm ... I was wondering what time my tricycle and I should pick you up for prom? You never answered me last night?" I _almost_ sounded confident and charming, but I fucked it up by running my hand back through my hair.

She smiled in that all knowing way of hers. "Sounds spesh, Edward."

_Spesh?_

"You don't think I can get you there in style?" I asked her. I was still fucking it up; my tone was too freaking soft.

"Are you going to put streamers on the handle bars?" she joked back, biting on her lower lip as her grin broadened.

"Do you have tricycle shame, Bella?" I raised my eyebrows, inwardly amazed that the charm seemed to be working. I sounded like a dickhead.

She laughed softly, warmly, leaning over to nudge me playfully as we walked. Jazz was right; she had my balls, and I was five seconds from becoming a puddle of drool.

"Okay, make the streamers pink, and I'll try not to have tricycle shame."

Had she just agreed to go with me?

I stopped walking—it was pure impulse—and turned to her. "Are ... you agreeing to go to prom with me?" I completely tanked. My voice caught at the back of my throat, going higher like I was a fucking twelve year old.

But Bella only continued to smile at me. It was more than likely out of amusement for how much of a pussy I was, but there was an edge offlirting going on, making me feel slightly more confident.

"Sure," she replied with a shrug. "As friends, okay?" Her tone turned a fraction more serious, as she gauged my reaction by raising her eyebrows.

I nodded, knowing I had completely lost the war of my grin looking anything but psychotic. "Okay."

I walked beside Bella as we headed to Bio, quietly releasing my breath in a fucked up sigh of relief, with the mother of all self-freaking-satisfied grins nailed to my face.

Bella's smile remained ghosting over her lips, before it broadened and she turned to me. "You should be on your guard, Edward. Just because we're screwing now doesn't mean I still don't want to kill you."

I turned to her. I knew I had some kind of smirk on my face due to the fact that I was suddenly ragingly horny, but I had no fucking idea what the rest of my expression was like. I opened my mouth to reply, and spoke half a syllable before I gave up.

I had no words.

Bella laughed at me, soft and teasingly. I didn't know if it was a good thing or not, but before I could contemplate it, she leaned into me again then caught my clammy, trembling hand in hers and squeezed it.

That was the official end of me.

**...**

Since finals began Monday, Mr. Banner decided that we'd have a break from all the revision and do something light. His idea of _light_ work was a crossword puzzle using Bio questions and answers.

He quickly went down the aisle handing the sheets out. As he approached Bella and I his eyes fell on my t-shirt and his brow cocked slightly, a small smirk appearing on his lips. He handed Bella two sheets of paper before moving on.

"I think Mr. Banner finds your t-shirt amusing, Edward," Bella said lightly as she slid a crossword sheet in front of me.

"I'm very proud of my large pen," I joked back, and she sort of scoffed out her reply through her nose.

Never convinced; never falling for it.

She leaned toward me, until her lips were practically against my ear. "I've seen larger," she whispered, and my heart immediately stalled.

Who the fuck was this girl!?

I cleared my voice, awkwardly, knowing I was about to be fully fucking erect in class again. Wavering, I nudged her gently with my elbow. "I bet you haven't," I replied with a semi-stiff voice, while resisting another urge not to jerk at the collar of my t-shirt.

It was getting pretty fucking hot in here.

She turned to her sheet, still smiling to herself, knowing full well that she completely owned me and looking like she was enjoying the fact that she did. "You're right, I haven't."

I had no answers, I just sat gazing at her; one fucked up horny sack of wood.

Bella began filling out her crossword—with a pink pen.

"Bella?" I gauged her, after a moment of collecting myself.

She turned from her sheet to gaze at me. "Mm-hmm?"

"Did you ... buy more pink pens?" I asked.

Her grin broadened. "No. You gave me this pen ... remember?"

"Yeah, but ... in the parking lot ..." I abandoned it. It wasn't exactly a fond memory; Bella shoving my pens back at me.

She sighed and turned to stare at the pen for a moment, before meeting my eyes again. "Yeah, I know, but I found this one under my bed the night—I tried to kill you." Despite her teasing tone, her face still clouded over momentarily while her eyes sparked with an emotion that she quickly masked.

She sort of smiled at me and half shrugged, then turned back to her sheet and continued to fill it in without another word on the subject.

Okay, _that_ was always going to be awkward, but I was glad she didn't avoid it all together. I guess it was better to get it out there, instead of pretending it never happened at all.

I decided to make a further joke of it. After all, it was seemingly the only contact I could have with her that didn't reduce my senses to levels of critical failure. "So, are you still planning on killing me?" I nudged her again gently.

It worked though. The grin immediately swept across her face before she turned squarely to face me; her eyes locking with mine. "Well, that depends if I catch you in compromising positions with _Jessica Stanley_ again—," she stopped dead as her face immediately burned. Turning abruptly to the front of the classroom, her mouth dropped open a fraction as she blinked once slowly, her forehead creasing slightly with it.

I ran my hand through my hair, hoping Bella was too distracted enough to notice. The idea that she saw what Slutbag and I were in the middle of doing that night made me want to fucking cringe. Yet despite how awkward as all fuck it was, a smirk began to creep stealthily across my face.

She was jealous.

"Bella?" I said coaxingly to her, my tone deliberately teasing and gentle.

"Yeah?" She cleared her throat, turning slightly, her eyes meeting mine before she dropped them, maintaining the charade of continuing her crossword.

"I promise to never _ever_ be in a compromising position with _Jessica Stanley_"— my voice constricted as I spoke her name —"ever again." I was sincere. I meant to sound charming, but how the hell was I supposed to broach the subject of _that_ lightly?

She looked down, her forehead furrowing, before she opened her mouth to reply, when I quickly added, "You know she asked me to the prom today?"

"She did?" Bella asked surprised, before her lips twitched in amusement.

I nodded.

She took a deep breath and sighed, rolling her eyes. "I can't wait to hear the rumors that come from that."

"Mmm," I murmured in agreement.

She suddenly began chuckling. "You asked her to go, but she refused because she'd be ashamed to be seen on your tricycle."

I chuckled with her, mainly because the sound of Bella laughing for any reason was contagious.

She continued, "I pushed you into her arms again, because of my violent, bike pushing, boyfriend killing tendencies."

I laughed openly this time, and for the third time she leaned into me, nudging me with her shoulder. It jolted me temporarily into suspended animation.

_Jesus! _I had to find some kind of immunity from her—and fast!

Her laughter softened, and she turned back to fill in her crossword puzzle. I watched her for a moment, marveling as she used my pen to quickly scribble down her answers, before pulling my own sheet in front of me and starting it.

We sat in silence for about ten minutes working, when Bella, having completed her crossword, turned back to me. She watched me for a few moments making the grin inch its way across my face.

"Bella, your staring is unnerving me," I teased her, looking up to meet her gaze. I was just in time to see her cheeks again turn boldly red.

She looked away, flustered

"I-I ... was just waiting for you to finish," she stammered, her eyebrows coming together in what looked like sudden irritation.

I broke into a conceding smile. "I'm sorry. I guess it's still a shock that we're on speaking terms again."

Her returning smile was wry and knowing. "Don't push it, Edward."

I only half chuckled, breathily, but didn't reply.

She let me finish my crossword before she asked me tentatively, "Are you upset about not being able to play today?"

I sighed and put my pen down; noticing that Bella rarely did the same with hers. When she wasn't writing she would twist it around her fingers idly or just clutch it in her hand.

"I am a little bit I guess," I admitted truthfully with a shrug.

She contemplated this for a moment, looking down at her pen. "But you'll be allowed to play next year, right?" She gazed back up at me, the depths of her eyes seeming endless again, and I had a horrible fucking feeling it was guilt.

I freaking _hated _that Bella blamed herself for my own stupidity.

"Yeah," I replied lightly, smiling at her with a deliberate amount of charm, hoping it would distract her.

In a couple of months I had to have more tests done to see if my spleen was working well with half of it cut off. If it was, I'd be given the all clear.

She glanced away, and I opened my mouth to reply when Mr. Banner took his position to the front of the room and called the class to order. Tearing my eyes from Bella, I quickly turned my attention to my sheet and completed the last few questions.

With only ten minutes remaining until the end of class, and knowing that everyone was going to the baseball final, Mr. Banner excused us.

Bella put her pen in a little compartment inside her bag, slung it over her shoulder then turned to me with her eyebrows raised.

She was waiting for me! The last time Bella had waited for me at the end of Bio was ... the Friday before the party.

I hastily shoved my bag over my shoulder, stepped into the aisle with her and followed her out of the classroom, stepping in line with her once we were outside.

As we passed the gym into the open air, the wind hit us and she shivered into her jacket. Her face was paler in the cold air, but her face remained flushed—making me react impulsively. I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her against my side.

It didn't seem to make her uncomfortable. In fact, she leaned closer against me as we walked to the parking lot, where she released herself to grab her car keys from her bag.

I noticed immediately that Alice's car wasn't there. I stopped walking and glanced around for it, feeling the irritation rise in my chest.

Bella, who'd continued walking, turned back to me.

"What are you doing?" she asked me, her smile giving way to confusion.

"Has Alice gone somewhere?" I asked her.

"Yeah, she took Jazz to the game. They had to go a bit earlier," she replied simply.

My forehead knotted together more deeply as my aggravation increased. "Well that's great, but how did she expect I'd get there."

She only smiled at me, warmly, cynical and flirtatious all at the same time. That was Bella.

"With me, silly." Was her response.

"Really?"

She folded her arms in feigned offense. "Well if you're that uncomfortable about it, I can drop you off and you can take your tricycle."

I was going to feel _very_ uncomfortable. My temperature was already breaching all extremes, and I doubted Bella would leave the heater off—not that I'd ask her.

"You're thinking about it?" Bella asked me her expression suddenly turning uncertain.

I broke into a broad grin. "Who's the silly one now? I just didn't know that this was the arrangement."

"Alice asked me before I took Jake home. I'm guessing she didn't let you know?" She rolled her eyes slightly to herself.

"No," I replied.

"Well come on then," she said, jumping into her car, flashing me the tenth freaking I-own-your-ass smile that day.

* * *

**A/N: The purpose of this chapter was to make Edward as vulnerable, flawed and sweet as possible, while describing Bella's real personality—who she is when she's away from her mother's influence.**

**If you think I've overdone it and it's too cheesy let me know, and remember I am not liable for instances of projectile vomiting =P**


	23. Piece of Pie

**A/N: This Alice POV was originally meant to be an outtake, but I loved it so much.**

* * *

**Chapter 23**

**Piece of Pie**

**Alice's POV**

I upped the stakes for our pre-match make-out session; I couldn't jinx jazzy after all. It was the final game against Rochester—the same team that beat us last year. Last year when Jazz was so shy and fumbling around me that I was lucky if he opened his mouth when he kissed me.

A lot had changed, I thought with a small smile as I watched Jazz, his face still dazed, his eyes glazed over, as he pulled up his uniform pants clumsily, a goofy grin on his face.

"Fuck I love you, baby!" he said to me a moment later, his eyes midnight blue as they met mine. His grin grew before he plunged his face into my neck and sighed.

His body was still quivering, I noticed.

"Well I wanted to make it count, Jazzy," I murmured into his ear as he cringed slightly and chuckled.

His steamy breath tickled my skin before he pressed his lips tenderly into it. "My Pixie Pie, you're not a dud root either," he mumbled into my neck again before pulling away and locking his lips with mine, just as I was breaking into laughter, cutting me off instantly.

No chance Jazz would get carried away; my lips wouldn't hold much appeal to him for a while. Not to mention the fact that he was completely mellow from being post climactic.

It was how our traditional pre-match make outs had started. Jazz used to be so tense before his games, and I'd rather graciously offered my services in relaxing him. Though, we needed to leave earlier and earlier these days to fit it in.

It usually occurred in the back seat of either Jazzy's or my car, in a nice secluded place in the woods, a few miles from the field. I say _usually_ because at times we were required to take Edward with us and were then forced to venture out to find a suitable place on our own.

It was not our finest hour over all, but fast becoming our most adventurous. Besides, the end result was always what we aimed for; Jazz hadn't screwed up in a game once since our little tradition had begun.

Jazz drove us to the game, one arm draped around my shoulders, the other on the steering wheel, with that wide _just-got-laid _grin invading his expression. It was a lot sexier, though, when we were in his mustang...

"We'll celebrate properly tonight, Alley cat," Jazz whispered huskily into my ear and kissing my neck tenderly, preferring it to my lips for a while.

We were behind the dugout in the bleachers, rounding everything off and leaving it on a high note.

"We most definitely will," I replied, reaching up to tickle his earlobe. He stiffened and laughed, kissing my forehead quickly before he jumped over the gate in one agile movement onto the field and disappeared into the dugout.

Sighing contentedly, I made my way higher up onto the bleachers, finding a seat that would give me the best view.

A few minutes later I noticed Edward and Bella approaching, my smile growing into a smirk. They were strolling leisurely as they chatted, their bodies angled towards each other. Bella's smile was warm and a little apprehensive, while Edward's looked ... slightly unhinged. His hands were shoved in his pockets stiffly, his hair—judging by the state of it—looked like it had seen his fingers raked through it on numerous occasions. I wondered when and how he managed to express his frustration with Bella so close.

I scoffed softly to myself and realized, as I focused more intently on him, that he was obviously in the midst of one of those _heated moments_ he had around Bella—something I really hadn't seen firsthand before—nor did I want to, for that matter. I felt myself cringe; you could practically see the vein in his forehead throbbing. His face was flushed and he looked like he'd just wiped beads of sweat from his forehead, judging by the light sheen to it.

He was carrying his shoulder bag with him—which was kind of weird.

I suddenly broke into laughter—trying to keep it to myself as scores of people began filling the seats around me—as the realization of Edward's motive behind the bag dawned on me. Exactly two seconds later, my skin began crawling while a cold shiver ran up and down my spine as my thoughts probed beyond the humor.

_Argh, Edward!_

I turned away hastily, pushing away that disturbing little insight into my brother, tucking it to the back of my mind along with the rest of the memories there. Memories forged from being born into a family with two older brothers—though Edward was only four minutes older—which would undoubtedly see me in therapy at some stage. Emmett's _nudist_ phase when I was thirteen still had remnants of my sanity in the red.

I shuddered again, only slightly grateful that Edward's circumstances were no longer at the forefront of my mind—not that I preferred Emmett's or anything—before my attention was immediately diverted to the field. Jazz and the team were making their way to their respective positions.

I felt the grin penetrate my face deeply, as a wistful sigh involuntarily escaped my lips.

Could that guy get any sexier?

What his baseball uniform alone did to my erogenous zones—not to mention how it accentuated his taut buns...

I propped my elbows on my knees and rested my chin in my closed palms as my thoughts wandered to our privately scheduled post match celebrations tonight. Whether I was celebrating or consoling with him, I was determined to make him—

"Hey, Als," came Bella's warm greeting as she dropped down in the seat beside me. Edward sat awkwardly beside her and took the opportunity to run his rigid fingers through his hair while her attention was on me.

The poor guy really was tortured by her.

"Hey, Bells," I replied, throwing Edward a wicked smirk and almost chuckling as he scowled back, before placing his bag on his lap.

I shuddered a second time.

Bella's eyebrows fused together as she gazed at me before she slowly turned to glance at Edward.

Well, at least he still had an effective amount of charm working, because when she turned back to me, a slight blush was working its way to her cheeks.

"So we're just in time, huh?" she piped up, her eyes taking on a glazed appearance momentarily as a small smile lit up on Edward's face.

I wasn't sure whether the two of them were cute or a total cringe-fest yet, but what I _did_ know was that there was no way I could sit with my brother while he was in _that _condition.

"Edward?" I spoke up and he turned his star crossed gaze from Bella to me, his brow shooting up in question. "Jazz said something about the coach wanting you to watch from the dug-out," I explained to him as though it was a very important piece of information that I'd only just recalled. It wasn't a lie, just a slight variation of the truth.

From what Jazz had said, it was an invitation from the coach, so Edward was still a part of the final game, in a sense.

He looked torn. He glanced from the field then to Bella, both alternatives causing his eyes to burn with longing, though his gaze lingered on Bella and immediately I felt a pang of guilt. But seriously the guy _needed_ to focus on a bit of baseball and get himself under some kind of control—something he obviously had none of. I hated to think what he'd be like when Bella slept over. Emmett would give the poor guy hell.

He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck before he sort of shrugged to himself. "Okay, thanks, Al. I'm going to get a drink or something first. Do you guys want anything?" He looked directly at Bella when he asked this, and judging by his smile I doubted the offer extended to me.

Bella smiled back shyly. It was strange to see that side of her again.

"Um ..." she paused, tilting her head in contemplation, "I'll have a pie with sauce," she answered before she dove into her bag—to retrieve some money I assumed—while Edward looked at me his expression bewildered, raising his brow questioningly at me.

I shook my head in reply. I had no answers to that one.

Bella looked up again, a ten dollar bill in her hand, glancing at Edward and me slowly, her expression turning puzzled.

"What kind of pie do you want, Bella?" Edward asked her delicately, not being able to hold back the amused smile that was so tender it was practically a serenade.

"A _meat_ pie ...?" Bella repeated, suddenly looking uncertain, her face steadily flushing deeper.

I chuckled and nudged her playfully while Edward's expression turned more affectionate as his grin broadened. She dropped her gaze and smiled to herself self-consciously, and I knew she wasn't being as near as gracious to herself as she appeared. She hated her _bogan _Australian language—I never had the heart to correct her when she said that. I wondered if she would still feel the same way if she was aware of how much Edward liked it. How every time she spoke the word _'bloody' _he'd start smiling to himself as though she was a puppy who was doing something irresistibly adorable.

Just like he was doing now...

"I don't think they sell pies and sauce unfortunately, Bells," I teased her warmly. She grinned to herself, it was still self-conscious, but turning wry. When she raised her head again her cheeks looked like she'd gone OCD on Esme's rouge.

"Get her _hot chips and sauce _instead, Dudders," I quipped artfully, gazing up at Edward and almost laughing as his expression went from adoration to irritation in the length of a breath, no doubt thinking what an evil little rat I was.

I knew Bella's hot chips and sauce story was meant to be a vent when she told me, but I honestly couldn't stop myself from laughing the entire afternoon over it. She had been a good sport about it, just as she was now, nudging me back with a mocking amount of aggravation.

"Get me anything, Edward," Bella said to him a moment later, holding out her ten dollar bill.

He surveyed it for approximately half a second. "My shout," he replied, grinning at her in that OMG-what-an-adorable-puppy way again before stepping over me, placing his hand roughly on top of my head as he passed and headed down the bleachers.

I shook him off with exasperation. "Hey! What about me?" I called out after him when he kept going.

He turned back smirking knowingly. "I'm sure you and Jazz _ate_ together when you first got here."

I blinked in surprise. How the hell did he know that?

My eyes wandered to seek out Jazz on the field, narrowing, before I turned them back to meet Edward's again, whose smirk had widened cunningly.

_Jazzy! _I thought with a piqued huff!

"Just as I thought," Edward added, making me rue I wasn't holding something heavy that I could propel at him.

"Males," I grumbled, turning to Bella who was grinning at me secretively. I felt the grin tug at my irritation, knowing one look in Jazzy's direction and it would completely dissolve. I was hopeless.

"So what _did_ you and Jazz eat before Edward and I got here?" Bella teased me dropping her voice in a mock whisper.

"_What_ did you and Edward talk about in the car?" I imitated her tone.

"Oh ... the usual." Bella shrugged with deliberately feigned indifference. "How I'm going to kill him ... how he's going to get me to the prom..." she continued, a small furtive smile playing at her lips.

"No way! Don't tell me he actually pulled out the courage to ask you!" I exclaimed, suddenly bursting with pride for my goofball of a brother.

"Alice, come on, I told wanker-bloody-_Newton_ that I was going with Edward. I would never have been able to live it down if I showed up without him." Bella's grin was all out sly and playful.

I snorted. "And that's the _only_ reason you're going with him?"

Her smile turned wistful while her cheeks burned brazenly for a moment. "Well ... no, we're going as friends."

"Uh-huh," I replied slyly, deliberately sounding out both syllables while Bella's face tinged deeper.

"Edward's nice—I mean—he's trying and ... he's—he's nice," she stammered, obviously feeling the need to explain, while squirming in her seat a little awkwardly and dropping her gaze from mine.

"Uh-huh," I replied again smirking, exaggerating the syllables with a drawl this time, before turning my gaze to stud muffin, sexy buns at first base.

He looked up and caught my gaze, his grin broadening, making my heart do a little flip flop. I blew him a kiss, and like the adorable dork that he was, he went through the motions of catching it and putting it in his pocket.

"Oh _seriously?_!" Bella scoffed teasingly from beside me. "You know, Als, you and Jazz are pushing down the door of being grosser than Nessie and Jake."

I turned to her with a mock scowl, and she chuckled.

"So how are you and my _'nice' _brother getting to the prom?" I asked her, raising my brow astutely, almost chuckling as her eyes warmed immediately.

"On his tricycle," Bella replied straight faced as a small secretive smile formed.

"What?" I asked her blankly, as she laughed.

"Never mind—" she broke off suddenly with a gasp just as the deafening crack of a baseball connecting with a timber bat all but broke through the sound barrier.

I followed her gaze. The ball was flying high through the sky, threatening to land beyond the boundary fence as the outfielders took off in pursuit of it.

I held my breath, wanting to close my eyes and cover my ears as the buzzing in the atmosphere immediately heightened. It was the same type of catch that Edward had missed during the final game the year before; a contributing factor to their loss. Ironically, as tall as Edward was, he was probably a centimeter too short to catch it.

The left fieldsman leaped up, stretching his arm toward the ball and caught it with millimeters to spare.

The crowd broke into cheers.

I let out my breath, sighing with relief while a few surrounding Bella and me muttered and cursed in disappointment.

I turned back to Bella a moment later. "So, you and Edward are going to the prom together, just as friends?"

She half shrugged. "Yeah, I can handle being just Edward's friend."

I gazed at her with growing skepticism and I was sure something flickered behind her eyes contradicting that last admission. I grinned broadly, raising my brow deliberately. "I think you're in serious danger, girl."

"Alice..." she mumbled, her cheeks staining as another surge of heat gathered in them.

_Crack!_

I turned my attention back to the game.

"_DUD ROOT_, it's started already!" came Emmett's booming voice without warning, bringing out an immediate, but good-natured sounding groan from Bella.

Jazz was chuckling and shaking his head to himself, while catching the first base runner out with casual ease.

A surge of heated desire washed over me.

"Alice, why do I feel the need to tell you and Jazz to get a room?" Rose said dryly, sitting on the other side of me.

I tore my gaze from Jazz, rolling my eyes and answering with completely feigned haughty innocence, "Because your mind is in the gutter, Miss Hale."

She snorted unconvinced and took her nail file from her purse.

Only Rose would manicure her nails during her brother's final game.

My eyes caught Bella's and guessing from the hinted amusement in her expression, she was thinking the same thing.

"Where's Doo Root?" Emmett inquired casually with the smallest smirk as though it was actually Edward's name, as he sat himself beside Rose.

I was actually glad Edward was going to the dugout now, and with the presence of Emmett my guilt over it went on a steady recline.

"He's going to watch from the dugout," I answered him.

"Well that will be cooler for him—now that Summer's coming and all," he quipped, his eyes darting in Bella's direction, his lips twitching as he struggled to keep a straight face.

"Em, stop being a wise ass," Rose sighed with exasperation, holding out her hands to examine her work.

As if on cue, Edward appeared carrying a small plastic bag. He sat beside Bella, pulling out a coke for her and a tray of fries.

"You're back, Duds. What happened, did you get cold?" Emmett grinned with sly wickedness, causing Rose to jab him with her nail file.

Edward sighed, rubbed his brow with aggravated impatience and threw Emmett a truly menacing glare.

"Dud root!" Emmett exclaimed, with fabricated alarm.

Edward hung with Bella for a few minutes eating his hot dog while Bella munched on her fries, sharing them with him, and offering then to me and Rose.

I knew Edward was very conscious of the fact that we were all aware of how awkward and unsure of himself he was around Bella, so I tried to act casual and not make a point of watching how cute they were. I kept my eyes on the lush form that was Jazzy at first base, but my attention was firmly fixed on the two people adjacent to me. They were chatting and laughing softly together and a quick discreet glance in their direction told me that Edward was sitting so close to Bella that their arms were frequently coming into contact. I found myself smiling, almost wistfully at first—as it evoked memories of Jazz and I when he first began to get touchy-feely with me—until it became a full assuming smirk. Gone was all Edward's confidence and self-assurance. My cocky brother who's misplaced logic had always been encased with his emotions, who'd often assured me he'd never make a fool of himself for any girl, had finally been cracked, and was at this moment well beyond the point of no return.

Until Bella came along, Edward's interest in girls, other than for sexual gratification, had been practically non-existent, and together with his daily mocking assurances that it wasn't likely to change, had Emmett—unable to crack him—deciding he was gay.

From then on over the next several months we were forced to listen to _The Village People_ constantly! Emmett used to set the stereo timer so that as soon as Edward and I came through the door each day after school, we'd be greeted with '_Macho Man' _on full volume_. _He'd wiped Edward's Ipod and filled it with Barbara Streisand and Abba; it was Jazzy that discovered it—much to Edward's continued torture.

That Christmas, Emmett had bought Edward a t-shirt that had _'Pink sheep of the family' _written on it, and Edward's nickname from then on had been "_Gaylene"_. Edward had gotten so pissed off about it after a while that one day he threw a baseball at the back of Emmett's head so hard, it actually made a cracking sound that made my blood run cold just as I was about to erupt into laughter. Emmett had roared, clutching the back of his head and howling for a good ten minutes, before he responded by punching Edward in the face—only half teasingly—but giving him a black eye. His torture method over Edward had then been making loud comments at school—usually in between classes when the halls were jam packed with bodies—that Edward should learn to _open his mouth or open his eyes in future. _It wasn't until mom found out what Emmett was saying that it stopped, not that it did any permanent damage to Edward. Not too many people took Emmett seriously; outside of the wrestling ring that is, and Edward had screwed enough girls that his reputation was pretty solid.

I must have been grinning at Edward in a ditzy way because as my memories faded slowly from my thoughts, my brother's face came into focus, a bemused, dubious expression slightly creasing his brow. His thoughts were practically screaming at me: _Alice ... what the fuck?_

This seemed to be who Edward had become of late; the one who'd emerged from the fallout that was the turmoil of our lives over the last several years, almost whole again and not nearly close to being healed, but with Bella beside him I knew that would right itself in no time.

I turned back to Jazz and smirked to myself discreetly. Let them think I was lusting after the provocative form that was my boyfriend and go back to sharing their plate of fries.

Fries, chips—it was all good.

* * *

**A/N: Yeah, it's all good-thanks for reading**


	24. Hurricane Edward

**A/N: The pinball scene—had it happen to me once. *swoon***

* * *

**Chapter 24**

**Hurricane Edward**

**Bella's POV**

The game was a gruelling eight innings, was three hours long, and went down to the wire. It was a real nail biter, keeping us on the edge of our seats, but in the fifth innings The Spartans got a head by one run and ended up winning by three.

The energy in the air was electric, and I found myself being caught up in the excitement and anticipation of it as Alice clutched me with a vice like grip in suspense driven anxiety.

I actually thought she might have an aneurysm, and when the game was finally over she promptly burst into tears, and pulled me after her down the bleachers, putting me in serious peril, as we bounded down, weaving through spectators.

When we made it to the perimeter fence, Alice leaped over it and ran to Jazz throwing herself into his arms. Grinning to myself knowingly, I turned to look for Edward; he wasn't in the dugout.

I scanned the crowds quickly, but there was no sign of him. I decided to head back to our seat in the bleachers when I suddenly caught the soft, huskiness of his voice close to my ear. "Hey, Bella."

Startled, I turned around and almost fell against him. "Hey! Congratulations! Great game!" I said in a flustered way as he righted me.

"Yeah ... it was," he mumbled in agreement. He was smiling down at me, those jade green eyes of his canvassing mine deeply. They flickered with a wistful sadness before eventually it echoed in his face.

"It must have been hard watching from the side lines, huh?" I was fighting the urge to wrap my arms around him in consolation. The look of disappointment on his face was so prevalent, yet he refused to allow that smile on his lips wane.

"It was ... a little bit," he admitted.

Alice was definitely right. I was in _serious_ trouble!

Now that I had resigned myself to the fact that I was giving Edward another chance, I felt like I was in that eerie calm you get before a major storm hits. The sort of storm where the air is filled with static electricity so tangible that when it washes over you the hairs on the back of your arms and neck stand on end.

In Edward's presence now, I was in the eye of the storm. If I wasn't smart I was going to get in real trouble—and fast! I still got surges of panic, but since any rationality I had where Edward was concerned had all but surrendered as well, all it did was make my feelings for him even more confusing and erratic.

Desire, fear, distraction; excitement; longing—all of it and all at once. An hour with him in Bio was enough to exhaust me, so God only knew how I'd last the weekend with him in constant near vicinity.

I was suddenly bumped from the side, all but falling against Edward's chest again as someone shoved past me. His arms flew out to steady me before he drew his arm around my shoulder, pulling me gently toward him. My senses immediately flooded and a moment of dizziness took hold of me.

I hated to admit it, but I had let Edward do what I swore I wouldn't allow him to do. Crack me.

At that moment, and just in time to save me from my moment of weakness, a group of guys from the team grabbed Edward and pulled him backwards through the gate to the field. His arm slipped from my shoulder just as they proceeded to shower each other and Edward with cans of cola.

He flashed me an apologetic smile before he was pulled further into the team's celebrations. Jazz was among them I noticed, so I looked around for Alice, who just then seemed to materialise beside me. She startled me so much that I jumped in surprise.

"Bloody Hell, Als!" I laughed after my heart stilled.

"Come on, _bogan_, they're having the presentation soon. Then we're off to _celebrate_!" she replied with over the top enthusiasm, before dragging me back to our original spot in the bleachers where Emmett and Rose still sat.

The team was presented with the winner's trophy and each player was given a medal. Edward stood, almost comically among his uniformed team mates, wearing his big pen t-shirt, which was drenched through to his chest with cola. It elicited a sudden rush of desire within me that my heart began to thud so heavily it seemed to heat me from the inside out.

I peeked at Alice, suddenly paranoid that my emotions were written blatantly across my face, but she was too busy gazing proudly at Jazz with tears welling in her eyes, to notice. When I glanced at Rose it was obvious she was seeing straight through me. She only smirked at me in that canny way of hers, validating that Jake had been right all along; what I felt about Edward was as transparent as cellophane.

Afterwards there was more commotion as people scattered in all directions to leave. Alice ran off, practically jumping over the edge of the bleachers to escape the crowds in her haste to get to Jazz. I hung back with Rose and Emmett who were sitting the crowds out, making a move a few minutes later.

I had taken only a few steps towards the parking lot, when I immediately came to an abrupt stop, with my breath catching in the back of my throat. There were half a dozen guys from the team all hanging out in front of Alice's car with her and Jazz. Edward was among them, and what had stopped me short was the fact that as I approached, he suddenly pulled his t-shirt over his head.

My heart turned into violent thudding while my eyes absorbed every curve and contour of his bare chest—insatiably almost—until they fell still on the five-inch scar that ran parallel to the left side of his stomach. It was still pink and tender looking, and I noticed as Edward pulled a clean shirt over his head that his careful movements indicated that he was still very conscious of it.

Taking a measured breath, I deliberately broke my gaze from him. I began walking again with a slower pace to allow an approaching crowd from behind to move in front of me and obscure my view ahead. I didn't really want Edward to know that I'd caught him half naked, and I needed more time to recover from the fact that I had.

As I came into view, Edward glanced in my direction a smile immediately lightning up across his face. I smiled back and folded my arms across my chest to protect myself from the approaching chill air that dusk was bringing with it. It was also to muffle the echoed thudding of my heart that continued relentlessly as my gaze held on to Edward's. It was easy enough to convince everyone I was cold; I was. It was almost summer and as everyone was breaking out their short sleeves, all I had done was remove one of the many layers I wore.

"There you are, Bells. We were just about to send a search party out for you," Alice said brightly.

"I'm here. What's happening?"

"We're just deciding where to go to celebrate," Edward answered me, his tone was deep, and I had the sudden ridiculous urge to close my eyes to properly take in the soft timbre of it. Instead, I sighed beneath my breath as my stomach squirmed with a sudden influx of panic. But there was no going back; I'd decided I was going to give Edward another chance and that meant trusting him. Besides, we were starting out as friends; if it wasn't going to work I'd know well before he could hurt me beyond repair.

At least, I hoped I would.

Even as I contemplated this, I had to stop myself from laughing out loud. Whether the word '_friend' _was thrown into the equation or not, my feelings for Edward went far and beyond friendship. I knew the fear was just an impulse and its origins had implanted themselves in me years before I'd ever met Edward; years before I moved to Forks.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Edward asked me quizzically, his brow furrowing.

"Yeah, I-I'm fine," I stammered, smiling at him quickly.

I folded my arms tighter around myself and listened as everyone debated over the best place to go for their celebrations, while my gaze remained firmly fixed on my feet. There were a number of reasons why, but the two main ones being equal amounts of pure mortifying desire and panic. Desire, because that smile of his, coupled with his charm was a serious danger to me, and panic, because I knew now that I was completely defenceless to him.

That was old Bella's reasoning, I told myself; pre-Forks Bella. Bella, when Renee was my only relative, and who I'd allowed to screw with my mind.

I huffed internally, becoming frustrated at myself as I pushed these cruxes from my thoughts and glanced up at Edward again. He was gazing down at me, his forehead knotted into a frown. I attempted to flash him a reassuring smile while telling myself repeatedly that I was no longer old Bella.

The discussion on where to go went on for several more minutes before it was decided that we were going to the pool hall in Port Angeles.

The guys headed to their own cars, leaving Alice and Jazz to feel free to express their love and affection with just Edward and I present.

I cleared my throat, maybe too softly, because it did little to distract the two of them. "Um ... I guess I'll head..." I left the sentence unfinished, knowing there was absolutely no possibility that they had heard.

Edward began chuckling. "Are you coming too, Bella?"

"Sure," I answered with a simple shrug, feeling a wave of disorientation by his returning smile.

"Do you mind if I ride with you again?" he asked, tilting his head to motion in Alice and Jazz's direction and raising his brow in emphasis.

I laughed softly. "Come on then."

"Okay," I began once Edward and I were both buckled inside the car, "I was going to follow Alice, but ... I might need directions." I glanced over at him, only partially because he was directing that lopsided smile at me again, and I really didn't want him to see the physical reaction I was having as a result of it.

Edward directed me out of town and onto the freeway to Port Angeles. Then it was only another five minutes until we reached the pool hall.

We didn't talk much during the drive, I was plagued by that gnawing panic again over the fact that my feelings for Edward seemed to be already getting away from me. We could talk so easily, yet we sat in awkward silence and the more I tried to fight off the panic, the more the awkwardness grew.

Edward cleared his throat softly several times as if he was going to speak, but didn't. He rubbed his forehead with the tips of his fingers and scratched the back of his head—all fidgety things that practically screamed out how uncomfortable I was making him

By the time we arrived, Edward practically bolted out of the car—not that I could blame him. I pulled the keys from the ignition and took a deep, frustrated breath. Edward was no doubt thinking I was a spacey freak and it pissed me off that I couldn't just relax around him. I was fine this afternoon in Bio—what the hell was wrong with me all of a sudden?

I turned to open the car door, determined to erase my crappy past and all its irrelevance to my life right here and now, when it suddenly swung open, startling me. Edward was standing in front of me, his hand held out and that grin of his in tow.

"You okay?" Charming, yet unsure of himself. This seemed to be who Edward was lately.

"Yeah, I'm good," I replied, flustered at being caught off guard, while it took a moment or two longer for my heart to calm.

I took his hand, it was … clammy and I had the urge to chuckle. Instead, pretending not to notice, I allowed him to help me out of the car. He didn't release my hand; instead he tightened his grip around it and led me towards the entrance of the small building. I glanced up at it; there was a neon sign at the front of two crossed pool cues, but other than that it seemed all but quiet. I'd be almost convinced it was empty inside but for the fact that the small parking lot out front was full.

When we reached the entrance, Edward released my hand and my now sultry fingers slipped through his in all their clamminess before he reached out and opened the double doors for us to enter. I walked through; brushing softly past him as I went. He smelt of soap, after-shave and … coca cola. I only smiled to myself as he placed his hand on my shoulder and guided me further inside.

The pool hall was dim and there was a haze of smoke that hung permanently in the air. In the middle of the room there were four pool tables beneath long halogen lights that illuminated them. A couple of dart boards, pin ball machines and a rusty looking duke box aligned one wall, and on the opposite was a bar, where several of the guys from the team were already sitting and joking about rowdily.

This was where Edward led me.

"Hey, dude!" One of the guys that I sort of recognised from school piped up. He and Edward did one of those guy handshakes, before he turned to me. "Is this your girlfriend?"

Edward and I quickly glanced at each other, then back to him when he added nonplussed, "Hey, I'm Jackson?"

"Hi, I'm Bella," I replied, smiling rather awkwardly knowing my face was probably brighter than the neon sign out front from the _girlfriend _remark—though I didn't mind it at all.

"Ah _you're_ the Aussie!" Jackson stated with an amused grin.

"Uh ... yeah..." I answered, immediately feeling self-consciousness.

"I didn't know you were going out with the Aussie, dude!" Another guy from the bar stated.

Edward opened his mouth and spoke maybe one syllable before the guy turned to me with a look of amused curiosity. "So, Bella, say something Australian?"

Edward groaned completely in sync with my internal one, before shoving him playfully. "This is Robert," he said to me.

I recognised him immediately. It was his party where Edward had almost killed himself.

"Hi, Robert," I said adding a friendly smile to my hidden discomfort and silently prayed he'd lose interest in hearing my bogan language.

Whether he did or not I thankfully didn't get to find out because Edward began introducing me to more of the guys on the team. I suspected it was half his motivation for it.

Once everyone was properly acquainted with each other, Edward ordered a couple of drinks and as I sat debating whether I was comfortable about him buying me one or not, Alice, Jazz and two girls, that were vaguely familiar, approached us.

"So, Bells, you found it OK," Alice said slinging her arm around my shoulders to turn me towards the two girls.

"Yeah, no thanks to two _certain_ people," I replied throwing her a wry, knowing smirk.

She grinned broadly, her eye's glistening devilishly, before she cleared her throat and began her introductions. "Bella, this is Tanya and Kate. Guys, this is Bella."

"Hi," I said with a friendly smile, having sudden deja vu, with an accompanying pang of fear in the pit of my stomach from my first day at Forks High School.

"Tanya is Jackson's girlfriend and Kate is Robert's," Alice explained.

"Don't hold that against us though," Kate quipped with a light chuckle, before her eyes turned in Robert's direction subconsciously.

I smiled and opened my mouth to speak when Jazz came up to Alice from behind and wrapped his arms around her, snuggling his face into the side of her neck.

"We're going to play pool, baby," he murmured into her neck.

I turned my attention quickly back to Tanya and Kate, who were smirking at each other cynically. Kate caught my gaze and I grinned back in understanding.

"Totally gross, right?" she said rolling her eyes in emphasis.

I was about to agree when a bottle of cola was passed over my shoulder to me. I took it and turned around to face Edward, he flashed me a quick smile. "Have fun."

"You too," I answered, returning his smile with added affection before I turned quickly back to the girls, having a sudden onset of disorientation again.

"So how long have you and Edward been a couple?" Kate asked me casually as I followed her, Tanya and Alice and seated myself at the bar.

"Umm ... actually we're just friends," I explained. I'd made an extra effort to sound casual but judging from their expressions, they didn't buy it.

"Friends…" Tanya echoed, her tone trailing off as a sceptical look quirked her brow.

"Yeah," I replied as my face flushed boldly, all but contradicting me.

"Umm, Bella?" Kate spoke up delicately. "It's pretty obvious from the way he looks at you that he's feeling more than friendship."

Alice from beside me snorted. "_Total _understatement! They're going to Prom together as well."

I started to understand why Edward referred to Alice as an evil little ferret. Not that I'd ever heard him exactly say it, other than muttering it to himself. But at that moment I completely got it. I turned to her and scowled, only half teasingly, before I quickly turned to Kate. "As friends," I insisted.

Alice nudged me teasingly; I only sighed, breaking into a resigned smile.

"Friends..." Tanya repeated this time, sliding into the stool beside me. "Mm-hmm," she added with deliberate doubt.

I rolled my eyes in good nature, but didn't offer a reply.

Technically it was true, at the moment Edward and I were just friends. It was a hell of a lot more than what I thought we'd be just a few weeks ago, but I couldn't deny that the idea of being _only _Edward's friend made me feel more panicked than the idea of being more.

Alice suddenly slung her arm around my shoulder, pulling me in with light affection. "You know we're only teasing you, right, Bells?"

I turned to her and smiled genuinely. "Of course I do."

"You're not mad?" she asked as a brief look of uncertainty crossed her face.

I scoffed. "Don't be a dag."

"Well you know me, dag extraordinaire." She grinned before continuing after a short pause, "So are you sure you're okay? You seem a bit distracted tonight."

"Yeah, I'm fine," I answered simply with a small shrug.

Alice gazed at me, her forehead creasing faintly as she continued to eye me doubtfully. Then seeming to shake it off, she spoke up, "Come on, lets go perv on the boys."

"Righto." I chuckled softly before jumping down from the bar stool and allowing Alice to pull me over toward where Tanya and Kate had levitated to by the jukebox. As we passed the pool table where Jazz and Edward were playing against Jackson and Robert, Edward looked up and smiled at me warmly. Before I could think about a response, my lips had already formed into a returning smile.

As soon as Alice and I sat at the small round table, Kate turned to Tanya and snickered lightly before turning to me with a devious look in her eyes. "Oh, look at Edward's starry eyed gaze of …" she broke off to deliberately draw it out, clearing her throat to exaggerate it further, "_friendship._"

Alice laughed.

"Well, if that's the look he gives his friends then his _'come fuck me'_ look should have the power to unhook your bra and take off your panties all on its own," Kate spoke up, completely straight faced, raising her brow at me suggestively just as I inhaled my coke and almost drowned on it.

They all laughed loudly, attracting the attention of the boys, as I attempted not to snort cola through my nose. When I was confident that my face was no longer a beetroot and my eyes weren't bulging out of my head, I shot a discreet glance at Edward and immediately caught his gaze. He tilted his head fractionally to the side before turning the full force of his smile on me and mouthed _'you okay?'_

I nodded quickly and a little stiffly, my replied smile probably forced but I knew what was coming and I was trying to ward it off.

"Oh ... how sweet, the friendship shining in his eyes." Kate snickered lightly.

Too late.

"I see you've got the friendship eyes happening too, Bella," Tanya added with a defining smirk.

I felt another round of perpetual heat gather in my cheeks. "Okay, I _like_ Edward—_happy_?"

Kate laughed. "Bella, you're too easy. So how come you left Australia?—"

"Hey, guys, let's put something on the duke box!" Alice quickly interjected and I felt an immediate surge of affection for her.

We took turns choosing songs on the ancient looking duke box, laughing at each other's selections until all that was left to choose from were love songs. At this point _our_ boys had finished their game, and Alice had pulled Jazz onto the makeshift dance floor to do everything but dance with him. Tanya and Kate followed soon after, disappearing with Robert and Jackson, which left only Edward and me, along with four other guys from the team who were still playing pool.

I was sitting down at the rickety little table next to the duke box when Edward came and sat down next to me, flashing me a warm smile with elements of uncertainty.

"Do you want another coke?" he asked me after a moment of awkward eye contact and shy smiles.

I shook my head in answer. "I'm fine."

"Do you want a game of pool?" he offered after another round of silence.

I chuckled softly. "I suck at pool. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not very dexterous, Edward."

"Who, Bella Swan? I would have never guessed," he teased me with a cheeky grin.

"Ha-ha," I replied wryly.

Edward glanced over his shoulder at Jazz and Alice briefly and when he turned back there was a look of slight exasperation knotted into his brow.

"I'll give you a lift home if you'd rather avoid those two," I offered. I knew Alice had plans with Jazz that wouldn't include driving Edward home.

A broad grin broke across his face. "Thanks, Bella. If I know those two they won't be going straight home anyway."

"I live with a younger, sloppier version of them, so I am in complete empathy," I replied, faltering a little because he'd turned the combined intensity of his eyes and smile on me that soon grew with amusement.

"Why are they sloppy, Bella?" he asked, before hastily clearing his throat. "Never mind..."

I exhaled quickly through my nose, almost laughing at the notion of Edward asking about Jake's love life, but didn't offer a reply.

Edward glanced around the room absently his gaze everywhere but on me. It was incredibly uncomfortable, and I knew I probably hadn't helped matters by going all spacey in the car earlier.

Copying the gesture he usually did to me, I reached over and donged his hand with my fist playfully. When he caught my gaze, his smile was tender.

"Want to play pinball?" I asked.

His smile widened and turned toothy. "Sure."

Of course, I was absolutely crap at it. The little silver ball insisted on mocking me by running straight down the middle of the machine exactly five seconds after I slot it into action, every time. Each time it did Edward would laugh, and every time he laughed, the timbre of it turned more and more gentle. It was incredibly distracting and didn't contribute to my abysmal pinball skills to say the least.

Edward insisted I play, only to laugh at me as my score bordered new lows. When I had all but given up, he suddenly closed in behind me, placing his hands over mine, helping me coordinate the timing of the button. I almost instinctively tensed while my heart began to hammer, and it wasn't long before it took almost all my concentration not to simply surrender myself and lean against him.

Edward pressed my fingers over the buttons at the right moments and the ball surged up through the machine. I was overjoyed by our sudden success, expressing it openly. Edward chuckled, I felt the slight rocking of his body as it vibrated from his chest, and again the urge to relax into him became almost overwhelming.

We played like that for several minutes. Our game score climbed higher and higher, and as Edward's efforts continued, his body would brush against mine sending bursts of shock waves through me, making me grateful that I had my back to him. I was finding it hard to become accustomed to Edward's proximity, it was impossible when every nerve ending in my system shot to life and was buzzing with the ambience of it.

Then he moved closer.

He leaned in over my shoulder, moving my hair from obstructing him before he bent further down to whisper in my ear, "See, Bella, it's all in the timing." His voice was soft and gravelly and his breath was warm as it washed over my face, burning my skin with an undercurrent of desire.

He didn't move away. His body remained lightly pressing against me, shrouding me completely in the warmth of his constantly heated skin.

I knew from that precise moment, the storm was definitely brewing.

I could feel at the bottom of my stomach the twitchy energy of panic begin to swell, but just then Edward placed both his hands on my shoulders squarely, his warm fingers brushing gingerly against each shoulder blade, and I was jarred—unable to process a thing but Edward and his ever increasing proximity. My hands froze over the buttons and I watched almost dazed as the ball bounced off a couple of obstacles before it rolled between the levers. I was aware only of Edward's hands as they gently squeezed my shoulders, his breath washing hotter over my bared skin.

I began feeling overheated from the ever-increasing degree of warmth that emanated from him. My mind began to fog and I relaxed myself against him only a fraction. He ran his hands down my arms, his fingers barely grazing the cotton of my shirt, before they gripped my waist and gently turned me to face him.

When I looked up to meet his gaze, he was staring at me his eyes burning deep green in their depths. My heart began pounding; I could feel it echoing in every pore of my skin.

He slipped his arms further around my waist, drawing me even closer to him before tightening them tentatively.

Then he smiled. But this wasn't a smile I was accustomed to from him. It wasn't the one he gave me when he was finding amusement in my accent. It wasn't one of those cocky self-assured ones when he was bombarding me with pens, and it wasn't one of his arrogant ones when he was acting like an asshole.

It was … honest.

I continued to stare, blinking at him with my heart lodged in my throat and it only made that bloody smile of his broaden with amusement. It was all too late for me; I was hooked and Edward was reeling me in.

Smiling up at him, I felt dazed. I was completely surrendering to him and the sense of promise I'd find in his embrace, without a shred of fear or apprehension of the uncertainty that I knew accompanied Edward.

He tilted his head almost with caution, and that's all it took to snap me back to reality.

I totally screwed it up.

Pulling from his embrace—whether it was instinctual or not I wasn't sure—I took a step backwards, banging up against the pinball machine and wincing. Immediately Edward's demeanour changed. A look of doubt broke across his face along with something else that caused me to immediately regret my flighty reaction.

Rejection.

I opened my mouth to apologise, but Edward beat me to it. "I'm sorry, Bella." His deep voice was soft and remorseful. His eyes met mine only very briefly before he turned them to his feet, making the guilt swelling within me increase.

"No, Edward!" I blurted out hastily. "Don't be sorry, you just kind of caught me off guard. It's not that I don't want to..." I let it go with a deep sigh and glanced down at the floor along with him.

I _wanted_ to kiss him; I wanted him to _kiss_ me.

When I looked back up, Edward was smiling at me; this time it was awkward. He nodded and sort of half shrugged. "Okay."

"I didn't mean to react that way," I insisted, my voice soft with regret.

That rejected and vulnerable look he had on his face when I pulled away was flooding me with a sudden urge to attack him right then and there.

"Bella, it's fine," he insisted. He reached over, grabbed my hand and pulled me along with him in the direction of the bar. "Has anyone ever told you that you think too much?" he teased me.

I laughed softly though it held a shadow of bitterness. He sounded exactly like Nummi.

"Constantly," I answered.

Edward went to buy me another coke but I stubbornly insisted that it was my shout. He reluctantly agreed and we ended falling into easy chatting—thankfully with our awkward moment successfully behind us. In no time he was back to being the confident, charming Edward I was used to. The Edward who was just as unpredictable as he was sweet and protective; the Edward who seemed to be a master at making me doubt everything I thought I knew about myself.

It still surprised me how comfortable I could be around him. The only time I was forced to swallow hard or turn from him to prevent him from seeing the shade of my cheeks, was when he turned that smile of his on me; his _genuine_ smile; the smile that could gain complete control of me. All askew and warm, as it reached out and ensnared me.

And ensnared me he had.

**...**

I could have stayed in that dingy little pool hall with Edward until the sun came up, but I was getting tired. Edward appeared to be as well; his intense green eyes were beginning to turn bloodshot—though it was no doubt partly from the smoke haze; my eyes were burning as well.

"It's getting late," he observed, his voice husky. "Do you want to go?"

"Yeah." I nodded, conceding.

"Come on." He grabbed my hand and led me off the stool.

"I'll just tell Alice we're leaving," I said quickly, turning around to find her before quickly turning back. "I guess ... I'll leave it," I mumbled, all but rolling my eyes.

Alice was perched on Jazz's lap on a chair in the darkest corner of the hall, getting quite heavily into it with him. When I gazed up at Edward he looked slightly exasperated but the glare that would usually over take his expression was absent.

"You okay?" I asked him, grinning to myself at the way he was feigning ignorance to it.

"If we leave now I will be," he replied with an expression that was threatening to become a scowl.

I nudged him playfully. "If I over think, then you're too uptight."

He chuckled, then slung his arm over my shoulder and we made our way towards the exit.

As we passed the guys, Edward sang out farewells to them, while I flashed Kate and Tanya a parting smile, holding up my hand.

Kate threw a pointed look at Edward's arm—that was draped around my shoulder—before she grinned at me broadly and waved back.

"Such good friends they are!" Tanya commented loudly, teasingly, throwing me a mischievous grin.

I only chuckled to myself softly, shaking my head, before I wrapped my arm around Edward's waist and grabbed a handful of his shirt in my fist.

**...**

On the ride back to Forks, that insidious panic threatened to rear up again, but I kept it at length. The past was the past, Edward had made some mistakes but right now, I knew I definitely wanted to let him in. He was sweet and charming and when I was around him, and if I was able to let go of the fear, I lost myself with him while at the same time feeling an incredible energy that I'd never experienced before.

"Bella…?" Edward asked me slowly.

I snapped back from my thoughts and flashed him an apologetic smile. "Sorry, my mind's wandering."

It happened a few times on our trip back to Forks. I was filled with a sense of anticipation, while all thoughts of panic stayed dutifully away. Edward too was more relaxed, only running his fingers through his hair twice during the journey. It was something he did all the time, but now he seemed conscious of it. I had to admit, I rather liked his mannerisms; my favourite being when he rubbed the back of his neck.

Something he did just at that moment and I broke into an impulsive grin. Edward came across as self-assured and arrogant, but he often showed a vulnerability and sweetness that broke through all my barriers. Even when I swore I hated him, those doubtful, insecure mannerisms of his always melted my resolve.

I turned down the long, winding road to his house. It was past one am yet the lower level off the house was still lit up inside.

"Mom waits up for us, though she and Carlisle are probably zonked on the sofa," Edward explained, with a slight roll of his eyes.

I smiled at him almost sadly, feeling a pang of melancholy in my heart. I had never known a parent like that—until I moved to Forks and Uncle Billy had taken over the roll. Sighing, more or less subconsciously to myself, I glanced down at the floor before meeting Edward's sedate gaze.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow," I said softly; my voice had long turned croaky.

"Yeah, though a word of warning," he spoke almost as a groan, bending his head to rub his forehead.

"Okay…?" I asked curiously.

"Try to ignore Emmett," he answered dryly with the barest hint of exasperation.

I chuckled gently. "Alice has already warned me."

Edward moved to open the car door, but I reached out and grabbed his hand to prevent him. "Wait!" He turned back to gaze at me quizzically, and I closed the distance quickly between us, kissing him on the cheek tenderly. "Good night, Edward."

He turned his head to face me, his lips suddenly centimetres from mine. He paused, gazing at me for the longest moment. "See ya, Bella," he replied eventually, his voice low and gravelly, but he didn't move away.

I blinked slowly, contemplating the idea of leaving my eyes closed and leaning towards him just that fraction more, redeeming myself from earlier that night, when Edward jumped quickly out of the Jeep. My eyes snapped open to full alert with an echoing pang of disappointment.

He took a step towards the porch, but then turned back around and tapped on my window. Confused, I wound it down, raising my eyebrows curiously.

"Hey?" he asked.

"yeah?"

"See you later, alligator," he said with a tender, charming smile on his face, and with that he kissed his forefinger and placed it on my nose.

I broke into an immediate grin; it spread wide and affectionately across my face. "While, crocodile," I replied, my voice dropping a tone softer.

I felt drunk, and not in full control of my senses.

This was what I feared the most!

After a final parting grin, Edward jogged up to the porch, turned around to wave, and then disappeared inside.

With a deep, wavering sigh, I turned the Jeep around and headed home. I could still feel the heat from Edward enveloping me, and for the first time since I'd come to Forks, I turned the heater in my Jeep off.

**...**

Billy was waiting up when I got home, then feigned ignorance with the whole 'I-didn't-realise-the-time' line. I broke into an affectionate smile; I loved him for caring enough to wait up for me.

"How's Jake?" I asked.

"Yacking up his lungs. The kid's pretty sick," he answered, cocking an ear suddenly just as the sound of thick, congested sounding coughing trailed down to us from upstairs.

"Poor thing." I sighed before I headed toward the stairs. "Goodnight, Uncle Billy."

"Goodnight, sweetheart," he replied, turning off the television and making a move for the stairs himself.

I packed my clothes ready for my sleep over at Alice's the next day, knowing I probably wouldn't have time to do it in the morning. Alice and Rose were coming early to pick me up for our prom shopping. We needed to make a good day of it, considering we'd left it until a week before to buy our dresses.

I was conscious of what I packed knowing—with my stomach knotting at the thought—that Edward might in all reality see me in my pyjamas. I made sure I packed my most flattering ones—if pyjamas could be flattering at all. There wasn't much I could do about my clothes; everything I owned since moving to Forks was for practical reasons. Jeans, knitted jumpers, parkers and jackets; not very flattering.

Laughing at myself that I was actually stressing about my clothes—for Edward's benefit—I put my pink pen on my bedside table where I could see it, climbed into bed, and shut off the lamp. Then concentrating on the sound of the rain, I waited for it to lull me off to sleep.

It took longer than usual with Edward's smiling face and smooth husky voice still prominently in my thoughts, but eventually I succumbed to the pull of exhaustion.

I dreamt about Kel again. I'd been dreaming of her every night for the last week. It was the same as it usually was; her and I sitting on the back fence of the horse paddock chatting contently. Exactly as we used to only a few months before.

The conversation was always centred on Forks and me, and this time was no exception.

"I'm glad you're giving Edward another go, Bells. He's a good bloke," Kel said lightly, trying to hide her amused smirk by biting into the carrot she was holding for her horse.

"I know he is, but he scares the hell out of me." I sighed, nudging her playfully, knowing full well that she was taking every delight in my situation.

"You just scare too easily. But I'm not kidding, Bells, he's good for you and you for him," she admitted with a serious edge to her tone.

I turned to her bemused and quizzical. "How do you know all this? You might not like him in the flesh."

"I've _seen_ him in the flesh, and I have to say, you have a lot of willpower to hold out for so long after all those pens." She broke into laughter before whistling loudly, attracting the attention of a tall chestnut horse. Jumping down off the fence, she ran after him through the field lithely, as though she had the wind beneath her feet.

I stared at her, a confused, unnerving feeling furrowing my brow. Her horse … it looked exactly like Chester. He had died when we were kids. He was her favourite horse and she'd been inconsolable for months.

Immediately I was staring at the ceiling of my room with my rapidly beating heart lodged in my throat.

Outside, the rain was still pelting the shingles relentlessly, while the night sky lit up intermittently from bolts of lightning. It was a usual night in Forks and one that I was fast becoming accustomed to—even loving, but right then everything felt wrong. I racked my mind for possible meanings; meanings other than the fact that Kel was dying, just as I did every night while my breathing evened out. I had the urge to cry and I couldn't deny any more that the looming sense of foreboding was getting closer and closer.

I had to go back home.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading *smooch***


	25. Weekend at Edward's

**A/N: Cue comic relief part 2**

* * *

**Chapter 25**

**Weekend at Edward's**

**Bella's POV**

"Did I see you and my brother getting oh so cosy by the pinball machine last night, Bella?" Alice asked me, glancing over her shoulder with an all knowing smirk.

We were on our way to Port Angeles in Rose's car. I was tired and still unsettled, but I made an effort to hide my distraction from Alice; it wasn't hard though, her remark had made me practically baulk. Though it was a more preferable reaction than turning beet red.

"How the hell did you manage to _see_ anything?"

Rose snorted in agreement. "Touché."

Alice laughed softly. "I see all, Bella."

I scoffed gently with a small smile but didn't reply and turned to gaze sleepily out the window again. After I'd talked myself out of panicking over my dream the night before and attempted to get back to sleep, Jake had kept me up for the remainder of the night with his constant coughing. And at that moment, the cold, rainy morning coupled with the motion of the car were making my eyelids droop heavily.

"Hmm, Bella, you look almost as tired as Edward did this morning," Alice added, winking subtly at me through the mirror that was attached to the back of the visor as she applied her lip-gloss.

"Jake's coughing is cracking the foundations, if you must know. It was practically impossible for me to sleep last night," I insisted before huffing good-naturedly at Alice's replying expression of exaggerated scepticism.

"Alice, you and my twisted brother recreate all twelve scenes from the porn I caught Emmett watching the other day, every time you see each other, and you insist on giving poor Bella crap over the fact that her and Edward are finally getting their shit together," Rose spoke dryly without averting her eyes from the road, a hint of a smirk indicating that she was only fractionally more than bored with the topic of Jazz and Alice.

I chuckled.

"Ooh, but it's just so cute. You know the last time my brother showed this much interest in a girl?" Alice asked me, turning around fully in her seat to face me.

I sat up a little too enthusiastically, noting the corner of her lips twitch before I hastily made out that I was repositioning myself for the purpose of comfort only.

Rose piped up before I had the chance to answer, "Umm, let's say—never!"

"Exactly. Never, but I'm not kidding, Bells, as much as he's screwed up in the past, you're good for him—and he's good for," Alice added, her voice dropping a fraction with sincerity while her expression turned almost serious.

It took me less than a moment before the realisation over Alice's words sunk in. I bolted upright in the seat as the air squeezed from my lungs, staring at her almost stunned. "W-what did you just say, Alice?" I blurted, barely able to find my voice.

Alice stared back at me, her expression slowly turning puzzled. "Are you okay, Bells? You look like you've just seen a ghost?" she asked after a moment's pause.

My heart quickened, as the sense of fear began to build, but I quickly pushed it from my thoughts.

Coincidence—it was just a coincidence.

"Um … Bells? You're going white," Alice observed, her expression piquing with concern.

I shook my head, annoyed that I was allowing panic to inch closer to the surface again. "I'm fine. I'm just tired, I guess."

Alice gazed at me for a fraction longer, before she turned back around. It was clear that she didn't believe me, but she didn't press me on it. "I hope you're not getting Jake and Nessie's flu," she added, and I suspected that statement was for Rose's benefit.

I smiled at her meekly then continued to stare out the window and wrestle the melancholy from returning.

By the time we arrived in Port Angeles I'd won the battle. I couldn't help it; I loved the story book, sea side town so much that every time I came all I could feel was a romantic reverence toward it. And together with the dilemma of finding the right prom dress, I had all but forgot my dream of Kel.

Alice had all but announced to me over loud speaker several times during the morning—which was her usual style of tact—that Edward was wearing black. So I settled with the first black dress that I found, though Alice and Rose, as well as the salesgirl, insisted I try on several others to be sure. After the tenth one, I was even more positive that I liked the first.

"So who are your prom dates?" asked the overly enthusiastic salesgirl who seemed excited by all things prom—regardless that she was carrying at least a dozen of Rose and Alice's discarded try-ons.

Rose stuck out her forefinger in Alice's direction while her gaze never left the full-length mirror as she scrutinised the scarlet, figure hugging dress from every infinitesimal angle, and mumbled distractedly, "Her brother."

The salesgirl's grin widened before she turned her arched brow in Alice's direction. "And yours?"

Alice smirked and pointed to Rose. "_Her _brother."

The salesgirl turned to me. "So, whose brother are you going with?" she asked teasingly.

I smiled abashedly and pointed to Alice. "Hers."

The salesgirl only laughed.

"Oh God, we really are from Forks," Rose muttered, meeting my gaze through the mirror and flashing me an ironic grin.

"You're from _Forks?_" the salesgirl asked, arching a rather dubious eyebrow. Alice turned to her, narrowing her eyes and the salesgirl quickly added, "I'm from Beaver."

"I thought you're only _really_ from Forks if your cousin is your date," I spoke up ignoring the salesgirl's unspoken innuendo.

Alice grinned.

"Nope, that's if you're from Beaver," Rose answered with a small smirk as Alice coughed back a laugh.

A faint smile remained on Rose's lips before she sighed deeply, her attention back on her reflection. She turned again for the umpteenth time to peer at her naked back in the gown.

"Well, if you're from Rocherie you take your blue heeler, and they don't have proms they have socials in the town hall," I joked lightly to the sound of crickets chirping.

Okay, I brought that one on myself, but still, I didn't expect to be stared at as if I'd just spoken Klingon.

The salesgirl peered at me above the mountain of clothes she was holding with a blank, bewildered expression plastered across her face.

"Bells, what the hell is a blue heeler?" Alice asked, grinning at me with laughter shining in her eyes.

"It's a cattle dog," I mumbled, feeling like a giant idiot.

"Well that makes plenty of sense, Bells. I'm going with a bear," Rose added with a knowing grin, before she again turned back to her reflection, sucking in her breath and sticking out her bust. She scrutinised herself from both sides then back again with her hands on her hips before she turned to Alice and I with satisfaction. "This one's definitely it—what do you girls think?"

She looked stunning; there was no other word for it. I nodded in agreement, vehemently. She was gorgeous, but Alice contemplated it for a moment as though she was studying the trends in the stock market.

"Honestly, I thought the blue one looked better on you," she finally spoke up, her tone earnest.

Rose huffed and rolled her eyes. "Emmett is wearing _red_."

"I thought you didn't go for the kooky matching prom outfits thing?" Alice teased her.

Rose threw Alice a quick scowl and went back to scrutinising her appearance for a further five minutes before deciding on it.

"Okay, bitches, I've already got my shoes, so I'm going make-up shopping," Rose spoke scanning the streets for the best store to start in after we emerged from the formal wear shop two and a half hours after entering.

"Okay, how about we meet at the cafe in an hour?" Alice suggested.

"Sure," Rose replied simply before crossing the street, leaving Alice and I to head for the shoe shop.

I found my shoes in the same fashion as my dress. I picked a pair that I liked and tried them on, but Alice still made me try on several pairs before making a final decision. In the end, I bought the first pair I'd tried on.

Alice laughed lightly, shaking her head to herself then continued to try on half the shoes in the shop, deciding finally on a silver strappy pair. The size of the heel alone gave me nightmarish visions of lying flat on my back in spinal traction.

With dresses and shoes in tow, Alice and I made our way to the cafe. The same café, oddly enough, that Jake, Nessie and I came to on my first day in Forks.

We found a booth in the corner with Alice shuffling in beside me, while I glanced around searching for the hostile waitress that first made me conscious of how different my language was. When I didn't see her I breathed a little easier.

"What's up, Bells?" Alice asked me, after surveying me curiously for a moment, when she suddenly piped up in realisation, "Wait a minute, is this the _chips and sauce _cafe?"

I grinned sheepishly. "How did you guess that?"

Alice smiled at me artfully. "I told you, I'm very perceptive." Her grin broadened and turned teasing. "And there isn't that many cafes in Port Angeles, you dope."

I only smiled back self-consciously in response.

"So point out Miss Bitchy Waitress, I want to give her some p—," she began, only to be cut off as the messages alert on her mobile beeped. She sighed and pulled it from her purse. "Rose … she wants us to start without her." She looked up and rolled her eyes deliberately. "Should have known she'd lose herself in a cosmetic store."

I chuckled softly in agreement. "As if Rose even needs it."

"Uh-huh," she mumbled in reply, before she was suddenly gazing at me, her expression turning sober.

I gazed back at her slightly unnerved. "Alice … what?"

"Out with it, Bella," she said flatly, her tone sedate.

"O-out with what?" I stammered, and all but sealed my guilt.

Sure enough, Alice's brow shot up suspiciously before she sighed. "Bells, you've been acting … strange all week. Is it Edward? Are you changing your mind about him?" she asked delicately, her expression slightly pained.

I all but scoffed. "No, it's not Edward," I replied a little too sharply.

Not _everything_ I did—or felt—or said, revolved around Edward!

"Okay, it's not Edward."

I sighed immediately remorseful. "Sorry, Als."

"Good grief, Bella," Alice sighed back, her tone laced with exasperation.

"I'm okay, really." I wasn't even close to sounding convincing, and Alice's expression didn't falter a fraction to hint that she believed me.

"You're not," she stated, while her brow came together with concern.

I just shrugged and offered her a weak smile.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked gently.

"There's nothing to talk about, really," I insisted, my voice trailing off as my thoughts probed beyond the boundaries that I had not let myself cross since Kel's accident. My heart instantly clenched as a wave of panic threatened.

"Bella, I'll let you in on a secret." Alice bent toward me a fraction as if she was disclosing some juicy gossip.

I tilted my head slightly in her direction, my curiosity piqued. "Yeah?"

An almost sad smile spread slowly across her face. "Your face is very readable, and right now it's screaming at me that something is very wrong."

I exhaled into a long drawn out sigh. It was inevitable; Alice was right, Jake was right. "Als, I've got to go ho—to Australia. I'm thinking next week after the prom, or as soon as I can get a flight."

"Oh ..." was all that she offered as a reply, her tone barely a whisper.

"I-I've got to see Kel. I mean, she's not getting better, and if anything—" I broke off suddenly feeling like my chest was being restricted. I swallowed past it before continuing. "I wouldn't be able to forgive myself," I whispered, dropping my gaze from hers and fixing them on my hands.

Alice encircled her arm around my back consolingly, pulling me to her in a one armed hug. "Is anyone going with you, Bells?" she asked me after a moment.

I shook my head. "No."

"Then I am," she said so resolutely that I immediately pulled back in surprise.

"What?" I exclaimed my voice almost failing me.

"I'm not going to let you go alone, Bella. I'm in remission now. I'm coming!"

I couldn't help it, the tears pushed to the surface before I could prevent them. "Oh ... Alice..." I whispered, so stunned by her gesture that I was unable to rein in my emotions over it.

She smiled at me, her eyes glistening with warmth. "Mom's a travel agent, Bells. She can pre-book our flights and organise everything, so don't stress about it. Try and enjoy this last week of school and prom with my _nice_ brother, kay?" She raised her brow, her expression both tender and teasing with her last remark.

I chuckled softly and nodded, inhaling back my tears. "What would I do without you, evil little rat," I teased her back, though my tone was still touched by the stubborn presence of my tears.

Alice laughed softly and hugged me tighter. "Now I know you've spent too much time around my brother."

"Oh God. I leave you two alone for, what, a couple of hours and you go all deep and mushy on me." Came Rose's dry, sarcastic tone, snapping Alice and I from our embrace.

I hastily fumbled to wipe my tear streaked face, while Alice sat unperturbed and enquired about Rose's make-up purchases.

Rose didn't question us on what we'd been so emotional about, which gave me the sudden suspicion that Alice and Rose had planned it all along. I smiled at Rose warmly. She responded with an affectionate grin in reply, then went back to chatting about her purchases with Alice.

We ordered coffee and toasted sandwiches for lunch and went back to the devil may care attitude we started out with at the beginning of our shopping trip. Alice, kept me optimistic, and it was incredibly reassuring to know that she was going to accompany back to Australia. It lessened the panic I felt over it, and the fear of facing my demons again...

**...**

"_JESUS_, it's hot in here all of a sudden. Does anyone else feel it? Oh hey, Bella!" was Emmett's sly greeting the moment I stepped through the Cullens' front door.

I grinned back at him wryly. "Hey, Emmett."

"Emmett, I swear to God!" Rose began in an almost earnest display of hostility as she pulled him out of the room.

"Does that mean no root tonight, baby?" I heard him exclaim with exaggerated alarm, while Rose groaned loudly.

I turned to Alice and chuckled. "Emmett's hilarious!"

She snorted and rolled her eyes. "Believe me his charm wore off years ago."

I only grinned in reply, slung my overnight bag over my shoulder and followed Alice up the stairs.

We ran into Edward on the landing. He had his hands shoved in his pockets, with a warm but almost awkward smile on his lips.

"Hey, Bella," he said, his otherwise deep, smooth voice hitching, before he cleared his throat softly.

"Hi, Edward." I smiled back at him, feigning ignorance to his discomfort, while my stomach squirmed slightly. I was noticing he was becoming increasingly more and more uncomfortable around me.

He turned to Alice then. "Do you know anything about this video Mom and Carlisle are making us watch this afternoon?"

Alice shook her head, a crease forming in between her eyebrows. "Nope, haven't heard a thing."

"Apparently it's one of the conditions for Emmett getting his prom party," Edward added, rubbing the back of his neck and half shrugging.

Alice shrugged as well. "You know what they're like. It's probably some anti-drug, alcohol safety flick they make us watch at school. Where _is_ Mom, by the way?"

"Um ... I'm not sure," Edward replied, glancing over at me for a moment and smiling warmly again—though he continued to look increasingly awkward. "What are you guys doing now?"

"Right now, I want to talk to Mom—is Jazzy here yet?" Alice asked, before realising her mistake just as Edward's mouth twisted into a smirk.

"_Jazzy_? No not yet, but I'll be sure to let you know when he gets here, Alley Cat," he teased her.

Alice shoved past him and huffed with exasperation before she turned to me. "See what I have to put up with, Bella?"

I only fought the urge to laugh.

"_HOLY SHIT IT'S HOT! SOMEONE TURN ON THE FREAKING AIR CONDITIONING_!" Emmett's bellowing voice boomed through the house, causing Edward to groan, only partially, under his breath.

"Wow, Karma works fast," Alice said turning back to Edward and flashing him a smug grin.

I threw him the best sympathetic, I-didn't hear-anything smile I could manage, being warmed by his returning smile, before I walked into Alice's bedroom behind her.

"You guys really do torture Edward. You know that," I said to Alice, after I dropped my bag at the foot of her bed.

She threw me a teasing, but sardonic grin. "Sometime soon, after the goo-goo-eyes phase you and Edward are presently in, I'll tell you about all the shit he gave Jazz and I when we first got together. Really, he was relentless."

My smile turned inward; I knew pretty well how relentless Edward was capable of being. I preferred it to the fumbling, stammering person he was at the moment. I suspected a lot of it was him feeding off me, though. It just seemed typical that now that I was surrendering to—whatever it was that he held over me, he was the one acting uncertain about it. The fact that I brought that out in him did not help stave off the panic I still felt about allowing myself to get so close to him.

I sighed deeply and in sync with Alice's exaggerated huff. "I swear you are exactly like my goofy brother. Just as spacey."

I opened my mouth to protest, but Alice pulled me back out of the room before I could utter a single syllable, and we went in search of her mother.

We found her in the back garden.

Alice explained the situation of going to Australia with me, with a seriousness that I'd rarely seen in her. I stood silent and self-conscious beside her, while my heart hammered away in fearful anticipation.

Mrs Cullen stood looking at the ground as she listened to Alice, her fingers rubbing her chin in stoic contemplation.

"That's wonderful that you want to do this for Bella, Alice, but have you properly thought about it? For instance, where would you stay?" she spoke after a moment's pause.

"With Nummi," Alice replied simply, as if it went without saying.

I stared at her in surprise. I knew she had been emailing Nummi and Rach, but...

"S-she already offered, Bells," she explained quickly to me, a hint of guilt flashing in her eyes. "If you went back—for whatever reason—she extended me an invite."

I had the distinct impression that there was more to it than what Alice was disclosing. I stood up a little straighter and folded my arms, feeling indignant without entirely knowing the reason why.

"And does _Nummi's mother _know of this arrangement?" Esme asked Alice, raising a very stern eyebrow.

Alice scoffed. "Of course she does."

"Well I would like to speak to _Nummi's _mother before I agree to anything," Esme said pursing her lips together and eyeing Alice almost sceptically.

"So ... if Nummi's mum is fine with it, are you fine with me going?" Alice asked, her eyes widening with hope, before she glanced at me and threw me an encouraging smile.

I hadn't realised it but I felt like I was suspended, barely able to take a breath until Mrs Cullen sighed and nodded her head. It was then that I felt like bursting into bitter tears of relief, but I staidly kept them at bay.

"After I speak to Nummi's mother, I'll make the flight arrangements," she replied with a sigh that clearly indicated that she wasn't happy about it.

Alice slung her arm over my shoulder, walking me back towards the house. "See, I told you everything would sort itself out. Now all you have to do is relax."

"Yeah," I mumbled feeling inundated by relief as the stirrings of anxiety began to swell within me.

I was really going back.

"Promise me you'll try and have fun at the prom with Edward okay? The guy is a wreck," she stated. She was serious.

"I will, I promise. Now tell me what you and Nummi have been devising behind my back." I stopped walking and turned to face her squarely.

A flicker of guilt danced across her face again. I sighed.

"I guess she knows you, Bells, because she knew you would go back to see Kel, and she invited me to come with you," she confessed, her expression sincere.

"That's it?" I asked, arching an eyebrow sceptically and folding my arms subconsciously across my chest.

"That's it," she promised.

I released my breath. "Okay."

We walked back into the house and headed back upstairs. Edward was nowhere to be seen. No lurking; he just wasn't there. I decided not to let it plague my thoughts when there was probably nothing significant behind it. Edward was acting edgy, but then edgy wasn't even scraping the surface of what I'd been like over the last few months. It's not like I could blame him.

I tried not to focus on it—or the fact that Edward, and all his charm and unpredictability still scared the crap out of me, but Alice remained acutely aware of it. In fact, we had not been in her room for an hour when she leaped to her feet, huffing out her breath impatiently. "That's it!" she snapped, leaving her room with a slam of the door.

She returned a moment later, dragging Edward with her.

"Jesus, Alice!" I heard him protest, seconds before they entered the room.

"This pining away the two of you are doing is driving me nuts!" Alice exclaimed, heading for the door again, and grabbing the handle before looking back over at us. "I'm going to wait for Jazz, so get it out of your systems—or whatever!"

I was mortified, and when Edward met my gaze he seemed in empathy. "I'm sorry, Bella," he said with a sigh, glancing down and rubbing the nape of his neck. "My sister's a pain in the ass."

I broke into a warm, albeit resigned, smile and opened my mouth to reply, when the door opened again. I looked over expecting to see Alice, but it was Mrs Cullen.

"Come on, guys. Carlisle's home and he has something for you to watch." There was a secretive smile on her lips before she quickly withdrew.

I threw Edward a curious look; he shrugged once, his smile merging with his confusion, before we walked back into the hall.

Emmett and Rose emerged from Emmett's room—I could only assume it was Emmett's room—at the same time.

"Great. A freakin' public service announcement all because Dudder's is an AA dropout," Emmett said begrudgingly, shoving Edward lightly as we headed toward the stairs.

I heard Edward sigh shortly to himself, and when I glanced over at him he was running his hand rigidly forward through his hair. I fell in step with him and reached out to squeeze his hand. He immediately grabbed it and entwined his fingers with mine, pulling me closer to him; closer to the cloak of warmth that constantly seemed to emanate from him.

He kept his hand clamped around mine until we reached the living room, where he let go of it to sit beside me on the sofa. Actually, he was more squashed up against me than sitting beside me, considering Alice and Jazz were already seated on the other half of the sofa with us.

Esme and Carlisle were waiting, the Television remote in Esme's hands and a DVD in Carlisle's.

"Okay, we're all here, so let's just get it out of the way," Emmett grumbled.

Esme smirked. "Emmett you can have your after prom party—parent free—," she began, only pausing for Emmett's boisterous_ 'woohoo'_, before continuing, "but Carlisle and I would like all six of you to watch this video, and at least _think_ about the ramifications in life."

"Fair enough," Emmett uttered dryly, whipping his head around to scowl at Edward, who huffed in frustration.

"This has nothing to do with Edward, so leave him alone, Emmett," Esme said her voice turning reproachful.

Carlisle put the DVD in the player and immediately the sound of low guttural sounding moaning filled the room, while Esme fumbled to work out the channel the television needed to be on. I turned to Edward, my brow raised questioningly. He shook his head, half shrugging, his forehead puckering with confusion, along with mine.

"_Dr Who..._" Emmett drawled out, an astonished, incredulous expression penetrating his face. "Dude, if you wanted to bond with us, you didn't need to buy us porn."

Jazz immediately burst into almost stunned laughter and stared in astonishment at Alice, whose face was nothing short of aghast.

Carlisle cleared his throat sharply, shooting Emmett a disapproving look, before turning away, his face slightly redder as a frown etched his forehead—causing Emmett to chuckle.

"Mom!" Alice protested, horrified almost.

"Just hang on a minute!" Esme blurted with growing frustration, pressing button after button on the remote control without any success.

I turned to Edward again, mouthing the word _'porn' _in astounded questioning. Edward broke into a grin, shaking his head, though he didn't look completely confident as the moaning coming from the sound system increased and became more alarming.

Esme and Carlisle continued to fiddle with the buttons on both the remote and television. Just when Esme truly looked like she was about to chuck a hissy, or rip her hair out, the picture finally came on the screen.

There was a woman lying on a hospital bed, a doctor—I presumed he was a doctor—had his hand up her—

_Oh god no!_

"What sort of kinky shit is this?" Emmett burst out.

The woman was giving birth.

Beside me Edward groaned and ran his hands down his face, almost mirroring Jazz's gaping reaction, just as it seemed that Emmett clued on to the content of the movie and lunged to his feet.

"_OH HELL NO_!"

"Emmett!" Esme raised her voice, the warning behind her tone clear, before pausing the video and motioning sternly for him to sit back down. "You're all going to watch this if I have to keep your eyes prised open with toothpicks. And that goes double for you two," she spoke pointedly at Jazz and Alice while the discomfort on Edward's face eased momentarily as an immediate smirk tugged at his lips.

"Mom!" Alice objected. "We know where babies come from!"

"You might, but I bet you've never considered the end result. So watch."

Esme un-paused the video and the woman on the screen continued to writhe in agony, while her freaked out looking husband held her hand, looking like he was going to throw up.

For the next fifteen minutes of the movie, the woman went through periodical peaks of moaning and groaning like she was strapped to some kind of medieval torture device, before hyperventilating for a minute or so and then going back into cries of agony all over again.

It was genuinely disturbing_._

After that the doctor came back into the room, examined the woman again by way of inserting his hand—I quickly averted my gaze, an involuntary shudder rippling through me, as Edward looked down, rubbing his forehead with the palm of his hand, an almost inaudible groan escaping his lips.

"This is some fucked up, twisted shit!" Emmett burst in disbelief.

"Emmett for the love—watch your language, _please_!" Esme declared sternly sounding increasingly more exasperated.

Edward grinned to himself while his eyes were safely turned away from the screen.

"Edward..." Esme's eyes motioned pointedly to the television. He sighed and turned back reluctantly.

The Doctor announced that the woman was in _'transition' _before putting her legs in stirrups, giving us a direct view of her—

"You've got to be kidding me! Who would agree to be filmed during this?" Alice burst out in disbelief.

"Keep watching," Esme encouraged with a small grin.

Edward shifted beside me, uncomfortably, clearing his throat and bowing his head to squeeze the bridge of his nose.

It was then that the woman's … _birth canal _began to open with the emergence of a slimy looking black haired grapefruit. She grunted and moaned simultaneously, her face slowly going purple, while her eyes all but bulged out of her head.

"Man, how far does it s-stretch?" Jazz stammered, his voice barely a murmur and hitching at the back of his throat.

With the woman's agonising efforts, the crown of the baby's head would emerge, only to go back in, over and over. A pinkish fluid oozed out of the sides every time the head bulged, causing outcries of revulsion to echo through the living room.

I swallowed thickly feeling slightly queasy and almost instinctively leaned into Edward, who all but turned his head and buried his face into my neck in order to avoid watching.

"Oh, this shit is fucked up," Emmett protested.

"Emmett!" Esme interjected him firing off a stern warning.

From my partially obstructed view from under Edward's arm, the doctor suddenly produced a pair of … _scissors _and proceeded to cut. I hastily clamped my eyes shut just as the spine shuddering _snipping_ sound was almost drowned out by Emmett's loud protests.

"This is _freaking_ ridiculous! Just chop my cock off now!"

"_EMMETT!_" Esme exclaimed again, her voice bordering all out exacerbation.

I opened my eyes, just as a small face popped out, causing a shocked sort of yelp to burst from the woman and making both Edward and I jump. I turned away again as my stomach churned, and my gaze fell on Alice. She was being shielded by Jazz, her face buried in his chest, while Jazz was sporting a very sallow tinge to his expression.

I glanced at Rose then. She was watching the movie, but with an incredibly disturbed, horror-stricken expression twisted into her features.

Emmett had laid his head back against the sofa, with both his hands covering his face. He took them away then, revealing the pasty pallor of his skin, before he threw a cushion directly at the television.

"Mom, I'm serious! Turn this shit off!" He hollered, sounding, for the first time genuinely annoyed.

"It's not over yet. Alice and Jazz, eyes on the screen!" Esme spoke sternly, though as I glanced at her, her lips were twitching with concentrated amounts of amusement.

"Mom, Jazz isn't feeling well," Alice complained, and next to me Edward all but snorted.

"Jazz will live, this is life," Esme replied.

Esme caught my gaze then, an intentionally sly smile continuing to play at her lips. I hastily turned back to the screen, just in time to see the baby's body slip from the woman in one violent motion, earning a huge sigh of relief from her.

I recoiled from it, as Edward expelled every molecule of air from his lungs, while Jazz uttered a nauseated, grateful sounding moan.

Emmett had gone back to covering his face with his huge palms, chanting over, and over, "This is bullshit, this is bullshit, this is bullshit..."

Esme huffed with aggravation, but had obviously given up trying to reprimand him.

"I am _never _going through natural childbirth!" Alice exclaimed with a resolute vow, while Jazz murmured something to her that made a notable grin break across her face. I turned back to the screen again.

"Me either," I murmured softly to Edward.

His reaction was to exhale his amusement shortly through his nose.

The baby was placed on the mother's chest where it started wailing. The woman cried along with it, while the father still looked like he was contemplating the idea of fainting.

"It looks like a skinned rabbit," Jazz admitted, his voice dropping, appalled.

Emmett got up from the sofa. "Well thanks, Mom. Thanks, _Dr Evil—_that's a freaking hour I'm never going to get back!"

"Who says it's finished," Esme spoke folding her arms across her chest and turning her eyes to the sofa; motioning for him to sit back down.

"Screw that, I'm done!" Emmett declared.

"Emmett—down!" Esme demanded, sounding so intimidating that he begrudgingly obeyed, muttering more obscenities only partially under his breath.

The next part of the scene was the delivery of the placenta.

Jazz groaned loudly, repulsed. "What the hell was that—a liver?" he uttered, his voice failing at the end. He swallowed hard and allowed Alice to pull him back against her.

"It looks like a freaking rump steak," Emmett added, I glanced over at him; his forehead was knotted up in aversion. "Okay, Mom, when's this shit over?" he demanded.

"Soon, keep watching," Esme replied her grin growing more humorous.

The doctor held up the placenta. It was a deep purple, redish colour and actually did look like a liver.

"Oh, Jesus, that's fucked up!" Emmett declared. "Why did we have to watch this shit? Don't the fathers stay up the tit end, anyway?"

"_EMMETT!_" Esme shouted past all pretences of patience.

"I'll say!" Jazz agreed, as Esme tilted her head at the screen sternly.

I turned back to the television as well, a shiver running up my spine. The woman was now being stitched up, and the camera had zoomed in for an extreme close up.

"Oh, bugger that!" I mumbled cringing, hearing Edward chuckle softly having obviously heard me, before he reached over and donged my knee playfully.

I turned to him, and caught his hand in mine, feeling the need for some emotional support as well. His hand was still clammy.

"So is this woman … like, gonna need re-constructive surgery after that shit? Her snatch looks like the back end of a cooked chicken." Emmett inquired, his face twisted, repulsed, though his question seemed genuine.

"The perineum acts like an elastic," Carlisle explained, speaking for the first time. He'd watched the video with a serious, neutral expression intact, being completely unperturbed by it.

"The peri—who?" Emmett asked, his tone blank, before he turned to Esme without waiting for Carlisle's reply. "What do you think the party is going to be anyway, a mass orgy?"

Esme smirked. "It pays to be cautious."

"Well in that case, you should have just given _those two_," he pointed to Alice and Jazz as a devious smirk grew across his face, "a private viewing and spared the rest of us!"

Alice scoffed, while Jazz rubbed his forehead looking suddenly uncomfortable.

"Okay, okay," Esme sighed, before she turned back to the screen. "It's almost finished."

The last section was the woman breast-feeding the baby, which had turned from being shrivelled up and purple, from a moment ago, to a cute little pink thing.

"Aww look, Jazzy … sweet." Alice sighed, snuggling into Jazz, who all but rolled his eyes.

The minute the video was over, Emmett was on his feet. "My cock's going to be fucking traumatised for weeks," he muttered, grabbing Rose's hand and tugging her after him.

"If you ever do that to me, I guarantee that I _will_ chop it off," she stated, without humour, and matter of fact.

"All I know is that I'm _so freaking glad _I have balls!" Emmett declared loudly.

Esme sighed.

"Ditto to that," Jazz mumbled in agreement, more or less to himself.

"I hope you guys will keep this in mind," Esme sighed again, no longer sounding confident.

Emmett grumbled an incoherent reply.

"It was too graphic—_blegh_!" Alice added, with an over emphasised shudder. "Jazzy will you pay for me to have caesarean sections?"

Jazz grinned. "Surely will, Alley."

Edward got up from the sofa in a single motion sighing as he did. He turned then, flashing me that charming askew grin while extending his hand to me. I took it and he helped me up.

"That was ... screwed up," he said to me, pulling me closer to his side as we followed Jazz and Alice out of the room. I glanced up at him, he looked frazzled and more over heated than he usually did.

"I agree!" I replied, laughing softly. "You okay?" I asked him after a moment, noticing the tense way the muscles in his jaw were clenching.

He smiled warmly. "Yeah ... you?"

I half shrugged and nodded simultaneously.

"_NOW BRING ON THE ROOTING_!" Emmett suddenly boomed.

From behind us, Esme sighed in resignation.

"How much of that do you think actually sunk in?" Carlisle asked her. There was a trace of amusement echoing in his staid tone.

"I have hopes for Edward and Bella," Esme replied with an optimistic sigh.

"Are you serious?" Carlisle responded with a note of surprise. "They're the ones I'd worry about the most." His tone lowered in emphasis, though Edward and I both distinctly heard him.

Edward's grip on my hand tightened. I paused, feeling my forehead crease as I fought to grasp the meaning behind Carlisle's words. I turned to look back up at Edward, he was already gazing down at me, that formidable smile was mingled with confusion. But it was still enough to wipe every thought from my mind as I stared straight into the oncoming storm ... and smiled back.

* * *

**A/N: I had to watch a youtube video to write that birth video. WTF do people want to upload shit like that for? BLEGH, HEAVE, RETCH, PUKE...**


	26. Seven Days Til Prom

**/N: Some cutsieness … for a little while…**

* * *

**Chapter 26**

**Seven Days 'til Prom**

**Edward's POV**

Since the baseball final I'd decided to take a step back with Bella. Technically, we were still only going to the prom as friends and I wanted Bella to be able to properly adjust to it—to me—so that the next time I attempted to kiss her, she wouldn't pull herself from my arms like I had freaking leprosy.

I guess that seedy, hazy, little poolroom probably wasn't the best place to try and kiss her. Especially with Jazz and Alice going for it like a couple of horny rabbits a couple of feet away.

Hell, I don't know. I was just going with the moment, with Bella right there, in my arms, smiling at me the way she was, and smelling so freaking good—while hoping like hell she wasn't noticing the pitifully overheated state I was in.

Of course she knew; it was all in her smile. She could see straight through to my freaking soul.

Still, when she pulled away it was like she'd punched me in the stomach. Actually _pulled_, doesn't seem like exactly the right word. It was more like she _flinched _away from me as though it was involuntary. Then she had to go and feel remorseful. Staring up at me and telling me she _wanted _to kiss me, while her eyes shone so prominently with guilt that I had a nagging fucking feeling that she felt like she _had _to kiss me.

So I decided to start over, only I wasn't entirely sure where to start. Things with her and I had always been turbulent more than anything else; I'd fucked it up so much, after all.

I thought back to the days when I tortured her with the pens, and the short time before the party. I'd held Bella's hand, I'd put my arm around her shoulders, and I'd kissed her briefly. We'd started to flirt with one another, and Bella started to loosen up around me. That's where I decided to pick up from. I put it back into action during the drive home from the poolroom, and decided to try it out over the weekend when she stayed over. I knew we were definitely not up to kissing yet, but I couldn't say we were only friends either. We were in some kind of freaking no man's land, where holding hands, hugging, and kissing cheeks were acceptable, but definitely not real kissing, and definitely nothing where I was ripping her clothes off.

Only over the weekend Bella seemed really comfortable around me—really fucking flirty actually, but at the same time, when I looked into her eyes I seen old Bella staring back at me. She was distracted, and her eyes were deep and reflecting that endless fucking sadness that made me feel edgy.

On Saturday night, Bella stayed up to chat with me. I ironically had my horny brother and sister to thank for that. While they were doing God knows what with Rose and Jazz, Bella came in search for me.

I was hanging in the living room with my eyes glued to the television while my mind was focused on everything but. Bella was almost in front of me before I realized she was even in the room. The sight of her standing before me staring with that secretly amused expression on her face, caused me to practically jump out of my skin.

"Hey," she said simply with a warm smile, her brow slightly quirked. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I finally admitted, thudding my hand down on the sofa beside me for her to join me.

She sat beside me, and without thinking about it I wrapped my arm around her back and pulled her closer to my side.

A smile ghosted over her face, and she was quiet for a moment before she turned to me. "What do you think Carlisle meant about us?"

"Erm..." I reached out and rubbed the back of my head, contemplating it.

I suspected Carlisle—without mentioning the entire house, and let's face, it half of Forks—knew how freaking crazy I was about her, and that was behind his reasoning. Though, a part of me had a mortifying suspicion that my dreams were attracting more than just Emmett's attention.

I wasn't about to tell Bella any of that; my dignity was already in shredded ruins, but as she gazed at me waiting for my response my brain turned to Jell-O. I began to stutter and clam up while my skin burned, ignited by the fact that she had placed her hand absently on my knee.

"Y-you think those rumors about us got back to him?" she asked, chuckling softly to herself, seeming to ignore my lame ass horniness.

I hadn't even considered that thought. "Possibly," I answered, grabbing her hand and changing the subject—if only so I could get control of myself. "Tell me another one of those Kiwi jokes?" I asked her, fighting the urge to grin as a frown immediately creased her forehead.

"No," she stated, flatly.

"Why not?" I asked, attempting to put together some charm and throwing her a hang dog look.

Her brow quirked cynically this time. "Really, Edward?"

Owning my ass, and seeing directly through me.

I sighed internally and changed direction. "They make me laugh."

She released her breath and shook her head slightly to herself, before leaning her elbow on my shoulder to curl herself closer to me. "How could they make you laugh if you don't understand them?"

My dick suddenly felt like it was being barbecued. I took a moment to discreetly clear my throat, before I shrugged, flashing her a conceding grin. Her face deepened and she immediately broke my gaze.

I quickly realized I was still able to charm her, so long as I didn't act like a cocky prick.

Smiling to myself secretively, I mentally filed it away just as Bella took a resigned breath and turned back to me. "Ok. What's error buck?"

"Error buck..." I repeated in thought, hoping it was some weird ass New Zealand way of Bella telling me she was going to sneak into my bed that night. I shrugged, coming up blank.

"The language they speak in _Libernon,_" Bella answered, then laughed, though I think it was more at my expression.

A moment later I laughed with her, tightening my arm around her, conscious of the boner in my pants but wanting her closer.

Something caught her attention, and her eyes turned toward the stairs. Immediately, I found myself mesmerized to the soft part of her neck beneath her ear. Before I was aware of what I was doing, I pressed my lips to her skin, inhaling the sweet scent of her deep into me and almost coming fucking undone.

I felt her tense ever so slightly before she turned back to me, her eyes locking with mine. I broke her gaze, my eyes drifting inadvertently to her lips.

"Edward," she whispered. She blinked slowly, and fuck me if I knew whether she was doing it deliberately, to urge me to continue, or whether she spoke my name as a question.

I paused, staring at her, all my nerve that I'd worked up to kiss her slipping away the longer I contemplated it. I watched the crease between her eyes deepen, until she was staring at me in all out confusion.

"Edward ... what is it?" she finally asked me.

Without another thought, I cupped my hand around her cheek and pulled her to my lips. I immediately felt her resist, before she pulled back, severing from me completely. "Jazz," she explained in a whisper, just as the asshole walked into the room.

_Fuck!_

He hadn't even fucking attempted to tuck his shirt back in, or hide the fact that his fly was undone. He sat languidly on the sofa facing Bella and I, grinning like the asshole he was, while wearing freaking Alice's lipstick. Beside me Bella grinned, before she quickly concealed it behind her palm.

"Hey, dude, what's happening?" he asked. His freaking eyes were glazed over as if he was drunk.

I was on the verge of asking Bella to exit the room immediately with me, when Alice entered. I expected she had allowed what she thought was an inconspicuous amount of time to hold off suspicions of their activity. Maybe it would have worked, if her shirt buttons were done up in proper alignment.

I released my breath stiffly, fast becoming impatient with their bullshit.

"Alice, I think you've had a wardrobe malfunction," Bella said lightly.

Alice laughed, half shrugged, then sat herself square on Jazz's lap. "So what are we doing, guys?" she asked enthusiastically. "Want to watch a movie?"

I knew it would be beyond torture to sit in their presence while they were amidst their freaking post climactic highs. My alternative was taking Bella to my room; something I couldn't ask her without completely fucking up my start over point. Though even if I did manage to get her there, no doubt the wall banging and window vibrating generated from Emmett's side would all but stifle our conversation.

I sighed, feeling weary all of a sudden, until Bella placed her hand in mine and gently squeezed.

At around 2:00am Mom ushered us to bed. It was a good thing too; I was freaking exhausted from holding off my erection the entire time. Bella seemed to find comfort in the blazing heat of my skin and snuggled into me, wrapping my arms around her waist. After only a minute into the movie, I was grateful that I decided to stay with Alice and Jazz. If I had Bella on her own, while she pressed her body against mine and laid her head on my shoulder the way she did, my appendages would stage a mutiny against my brain and I'd attack her.

Saturday: my second attempt to kiss Bella was an abysmal failure.

The next morning I had to remove myself from the kitchen as soon as I spotted Bella sitting at the breakfast table. I knew there was no way I could be in the same room with her looking so freaking adorable in her pajamas with her hair a matted mess. I retreated back to my room, contemplating the idea of relieving my tension in the shower. I ended up having several.

Bella went back home around lunchtime. She knocked on my bedroom door to say goodbye, throwing in that freaking smile for added measure and reaching quickly up on her toes to kiss my cheek, leaving me a pitiful sack of burning wood.

Sunday: I whacked off more times than I could count and used up the day's supply of hot water.

The next week of school leading to prom, was finals. Bio was first up on Monday. Bella sat with me at lunch, her head inclined towards mine as we went over her notes, while everything but the sound of her voice bounced off my brain. I sat, fucking drunk by her proximity, my eyes glued to her lips as she spoke. Every so often when her eyes rose to meet mine, her lips curved upwards, hinting with _that owning-my-ass smile_ before it turned teasing and she went back to reading her notes aloud.

I looked up once and met Jazz's gaze. He was staring at me with a mixture of curiosity and repulsion seeping into his expression. "Dude, you are such a _poof!_"

"What?" I asked him blankly, feeling a wave of annoyance rise in me. I'd heard Bella describe weasel with that word before, but I'd forgotten to ask Alice to translate, and it pissed me off that Jazz was more familiar with her Australian-isms than I was.

Bella threw her plastic cafeteria fork at him. "Stop mocking me, Jazz!" she exclaimed. She sounded good-natured, but for a brief moment I suspected she was serious.

I turned to face Jazz again throwing him a warning glare.

"Jesus, okay, you're _gay_ then!" His lips twitched.

A moment later, Alice placed her tray of food on the table and sat down next to him, effectively distracting him for the rest of lunch.

The Bio exam wasn't the lost cause I presumed it would be. Though it was probably due to the fact that Bella squeezed my knee gently under the table and turned to me, her eyes deep, before she whispered a heartfelt good luck that had me coast through it on an adrenalin high. In all honesty, the first ten minutes of the exam were written off as I contemplated the idea of squeezing her leg back in response.

By the time the exam was over I was confident I'd scored in the eighties.

At the end of the day she hung out with me, chatting for a few minutes while prick Jazz sang out smart ass heat related comments. Something about how I was hotter than a whore on dollar night. That one was my favorite to date and only because it made Bella laugh. She turned to me and smiled, completely jarring my glare to Jazz, while the heat abruptly retreated from my ears to my dick.

"Later, gator," she teased me before she retreated to her car.

Monday: it was the day I learned the meaning of _poof_.

The next day Bella came to school looking unwell. Her voice was nasally, her eyes a little too bright, while her face was pale and blotchy. It made her all the more adorable, but since Jacob and Nessie were still on hiatus from the outside world, I began worrying. In fact, I grew increasingly anxious as the day went by. She kept up an obvious front that all was well, but by the end of the day she began looking really sick.

I held her hand on the way to Bio—it was clammier than mine was—while the heat between us was, for the first time, emanating from her. In class, she kept her coat on, while she tried to hide the fact that she was trembling. By that point though, I had become acutely aware of how sick she was. She was sneezing and coughing constantly, until everything she did, from walking to blinking, seemed labored.

"Bella, you're sick," I said to her gently, after she sneezed a couple of times in succession. It wasn't the first time I'd spoken it during the day. I'd already asked her more times than I could remember if she was feeling okay, but this time I was serious.

She turned to me, all bleary eyed. "I'm okay, it's just a cold," she insisted stubbornly, while her voice clogged and broke. She sighed and bent her forehead to her hand.

"Do you want me to drive you home?" I offered.

"On your tricycle, Edward?" she teased me, while her head still rested in her hand. She looked up at me then and threw me a cheeky grin.

Crap! I kept forgetting! Crafty little vixen.

I smiled back at her wryly.

She sneezed again and then shuddered, something she tried unsuccessfully to hide. I was on the verge of pulling her against me when Mr. Banner walked in the class.

I watched her intently for several minutes, noting the decline in her condition from that morning. She was beginning to look terrible.

"When I get home I'll have a bath and take some Phenergan. I'll be right," she added, becoming frustrated by my constant attention.

I only smiled at her—too gently.

Bella glanced at me while shrinking further into her coat, her forehead piqued. "What's so funny now, Edward? Did I say _bath_ wrong?"

I fought back the laugh. If she didn't look so pathetically sick, I would have. "No, you didn't say anything wrong."

She sighed deeply, lowering her eyes, and my pulse quickened. She looked as though she wanted to lay her head in her arms, and she was going steadily paler by the second.

"Bella, you don't look well. You really should go home."

"Edward..." she complained, but she was unable to manage enough energy to make her conviction stick.

I raised my hand. "Excuse me, Mr. Banner."

Bella threw me a hard glare and I fought this time to prevent my lips from twitching in response.

"Mr. Cullen?" Mr. Banner asked.

"Bella is sick, do you mind if I take her to the nurse?"

Mr. Banner's scrutinizing gaze immediately fell on Bella—whose cheeks were at that moment burning deeply—his expression hinted with concern. She lifted her head higher, but the obvious effort it took to keep up her facade was wavering before my eyes.

"Miss Swan, are you feeling unwell?"

She cleared her throat to speak and that seemed enough to convince Mr. Banner, who immediately turned to me. "Help her to the nurse, Edward, please."

Bella rose out of her stool defiantly, a huff escaping her lips. "Come on then, you," she muttered to me begrudgingly, her voice already sounding hoarse and gravelly. Her expression had darkened only momentarily before it fell pale again.

She really was sick.

I bent down and retrieved her bag quickly then followed her out of the room.

"Edward!" she exclaimed hotly once we were out of earshot from the class. "I said I was okay!" The husky state of her voice contradicted her immediately.

I smiled at her tenderly.

She sighed as the anger melted from her posture. She ran her fingers across her forehead. "Mrs. Cope will call Billy, and I don't want to bother him at wor—" She broke off suddenly and sneezed again.

I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and drew her against me. "Bella, you're sick—as much as you're trying to convince me otherwise. I just want to make sure you get home safely."

"I'm okay to drive," she mumbled.

"Okay, what if we bypass the office and you drive home, but I accompany you?" I suggested.

She paused and looked up at me, her expression uncertain. "I don't want you to get into trouble, Edward."

I sighed with deliberate exaggeration. "What do you think will happen to me? I'll explain to Mr. Banner—I can be very convincing when I want to be."

She scoffed softly to herself. "I'm well aware of that."

I grinned and tightened my arm around her.

**...**

I knew where Chief Swan lived—everyone who resided in Forks, and just on the fringes knew—but with Bella it was the first time I'd ever visited. It was strange entering the house where she lived. It was a house not unlike most of the houses in Forks, but being Bella's home I found myself immediately warming to it; despite the fact that it was Jacob's home as well.

Bella unlocked the front door and as she stepped inside, I followed closely behind.

Immediately I was confronted by Jacob's accusing gaze. He was sitting on a sofa in the living room looking pasty and miserable, with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders.

"Jacob," I said, almost warm in my greeting.

"Princess," was his reply, still managing a fair amount of sarcasm despite the hoarseness of his voice.

Bella sighed and rubbed her forehead.

"Bells, you okay?" Jacob asked her, focusing for the first time on her.

"No I'm not! You open your mouth and I end up getting bloody sick!" she grumbled, before taking a breath and exhaling loudly. "I'm going to bed."

Jacob threw her an apologetic, abashed grin. "Sorry, Bells."

She rolled her eyes and managed an affectionate sort of smile—if she didn't look like she was about to drop. I reached out and enfolded my arms around her waist, pulling her clumsily against me and helped her up the stairs. She was warm in my arms—too fucking warm.

"You're so _needy, _Edward," she teased me, but her voice sounded weary.

I only chuckled and helped her up the final stairs to the landing, feeling Jacob's eyes boring into me the entire time.

Bella's room was exactly as I had imagined it would be; neat, warm and practical. There was a double bed in the middle of the room covered in a blue checked quilt, which Bella immediately dropped onto, laying immediately back on the pillows and covering her eyes with her arm.

She moaned softly, then louder with what sounded like frustration. "I'm never sick!"

I grinned. "Why am I not surprised by that?"

She moved her arm and peaked at me, smiling warmly in reply. "How are you going to get back to school?" she asked after a moment.

I shrugged. "I'll text Alice and get her to stop by and pick me up. I left my tricycle at school, remember?"

She went to laugh, but ended up almost choking through a bout of coughing.

"Bella, are you sure you're okay? Do you want a glass of water?" I asked her gently, after she was able to breathe normally again. She was paler than I'd ever seen her and she began shuddering again.

She shook her head and closed her eyes drowsily. "No, I'm okay. Thanks, Edward." Her voice was barely more than a whisper. She rolled onto her side, hugging her pillow to herself and seemed to doze off.

I glanced around the room, using the opportunity to take it properly in. It was a surreal kind of reality being in Bella's bedroom—the girl that had turned my life upside down since the moment she'd entered it. For the first time, I was beginning to feel like I was at the last of the hurdles that I had to clear to finally have her be mine. I almost sighed in relief. How the hell I'd got there after everything that had happened was any ones guess, but I had.

My eye caught a photograph that was on the other side of her bed on the nightstand, propped up against the base of her lamp. I peered closer. It was a picture of Alice and me during our trip to the Grand Canyon over the Presidents' Day weekend. It was the same photo Alice had kept in her room ever since; she must have given it to Bella.

I felt the smile before I became fully aware of it. A moment later it turned to full blown fucking goofy as I spied the pink pen that sat next to it.

Bella had forgiven me.

I turned back to gaze at her. Her forehead was scrunched up as though she was concentrating. She swallowed then and her face relaxed. I sighed shortly, kind of half chuckling, then reached out and pushed back her hair tentatively from her face.

Her eyes slowly opened, they were the same deep brown, shining too brightly, and hinting with an affection that ghosted across her face.

"I hope you're not going to watch me sleep, Edward? That's just creepy." She attempted to sound teasing but her voice was already going raspy, causing a swell of emotion to ache in me.

I loved her. This pathetically sick, drop dead gorgeous girl from Australia was the love of my life, and I suddenly wanted to tell her. In fact, I wanted to start shouting it out like a freaking dickhead—like Jazz!

"You have a very high opinion of me, Bella. I love that about you," I teased her. My voice was too soft, too tender, betraying me as always, but to hell with it. This start over shit was old already. I was struggling; I always would when it came to her.

Her forehead puckered and she squinted as though she'd been asleep for hours. "Go down stairs and talk to Jake?"

I exhaled into a gentle smile, always too fucking compromised by her. "Okay, I'll let you sleep."

"Mmm..." she murmured, her eyes already closed, a faint smile playing about her lips.

I bent down and kissed her on the forehead. It was hot; so very foreign when it came to her. Sighing, I made a move to get off her bed, being careful not to disturb her, when her hand reached out and grabbed mine.

"Thanks, Edward," she said softly, smiling at me warmly. "You really are a sweetheart."

"Get well, Bella," was my husky toned reply.

I was well past the point of no return.

**...**

I spent the most uncomfortable, awkward hour of my life downstairs with Jacob while I waited for Alice.

The small talk was strained—at best. It was mostly semi-polite questions answered by stiff, one-word answers. Then Jacob got a phone call, disappeared into the kitchen, and preceded with the most sickening display of baby talk imaginable.

"Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me," I muttered barely under my breath, after the third _'I wuv you Nessie-wessie' in_ a row.

It suddenly became very clear to me why Bella referred to their affections as '_slop'_.

The minutes ticked by agonizingly slow while I attempted not to fucking hurl; it wasn't easy.

When Jacob returned to the living room he had the decency to look abashed. He handed me a can of cola and mumbled, going a shade redder, "Ness."

I nodded, though my grin might have been more mocking than what was altogether polite.

The indignant scowl edging across his features was interrupted by the doorbell. "More Cullens," he muttered begrudgingly, getting off the sofa to answer the door.

"Hey, Jake!" was Alice's bright greeting, followed by one of Jazz's _'dudes'._

"Hey," Jacob mumbled a very blunt sounding welcome before walking back into the Living Room with Alice and Jazz in tow.

"Well, well, this is an interesting turn of events," Jazz smirked, sitting himself on the sofa next to me as Alice disappeared up the stairs. "You didn't kill each other, then?"

"Obviously not," Jacob croaked out dryly.

This was followed by a few minutes of awkward silence, broken only by Jazz's smart ass whistling. "You feeling better then, Jake?" Jazz asked, after even that couldn't ease the tension.

Jacob shrugged. "Yeah, getting there."

Jazz cleared his throat loudly, before muttering, more or less under his breath, "Awkward..."

Alice emerged from Bella's bedroom not a minute too soon, and both Jazz and I practically leapt to our feet.

"Well, take it easy, Jake," Jazz said, offering his hand, only to wipe it on his shirt the minute he turned toward the door.

I sighed feeling ironically pissed off at idiot Jazz, then turned to follow him and met Jake's gaze. His expression was hard, yet more like a pissed off bloodhound.

"See-ya, Cullen," he said after a moment of gauging me.

My returning grin was good natured yet sardonic. "Bye, Jake."

Alice being Alice went a step further and hugged him, before Jazz dragged her out of the house.

I was the last to walk out, and just as Jacob was about to close the door behind us, the sound of Bella's coughing echoing off the walls travelled into the room. My eyes instinctively flew to the door at the top of the stairs, just as Jake's did, before he turned slowly back to catch my gaze.

"She'll be alright in a few days; call her then," he grumbled to me begrudgingly before closing the door.

Tuesday: it was the first time I seen Bella's bedroom.

I wanted to call her that night and see how she was feeling, but I knew I should leave her to sleep. It didn't prevent me from worrying about her, though the little rat, Alice, didn't seem too concerned.

"She'll be fine, Edward. She has the flu, but in a few days she'll bounce back," Alice stated, after she caught me sitting on my bed, staring intently at my cell phone after dinner.

"I … yeah—I know," I stammered, before I huffed impatiently and reached out with my foot, kicking the door shut.

"Well screw you too, brother dearest!" was her protest through the door.

**...**

The following day was my English and Spanish final. They were moderately easy enough. It was also the only two hours of the day that Bella was pushed from the forefront of my mind in order to concentrate on what was in front of me.

The rest of the day I spent in an almost suspended state with regular peaks in my body temperature, instead of my usual mid-day hikes—that coincided with lunch and Bio—that had me removing half my clothes.

Emmett, of course, didn't miss this fact either, and he took freaking delight in reminding me of it.

"Holy fuck it's cold in here today! Where the hell is Rosie? I need her to warm me up!" he exclaimed as he passed our table during lunch.

Jazz of course laughed and added, "No favorite jacket today either, douche bag?"

I threw him a sarcastic grin and continued eating, wondering how the hell I became his fucking subject of ridicule. I had always been Emmett's, after all.

By the time we arrived home that afternoon, the temperature in the house was so stifling, it hit us like a heat wave as soon as we walked through the door.

"Jesus, Emmett, turn the heat down—what the hell!" Alice yelled in exasperation.

The prick stuck his head up from the other side of the sofa and smirked, despite obviously attempting to maintain a straight face. "What do you mean? I'm cold."

"Very funny, asshole," I retorted, making immediately for the stairs.

"Oh by the way, Dudders?" he called after me.

I turned slowly to face him. "What?" I asked dryly.

"Tell Bella I'm rooting for her, yeah?"

I rolled my eyes, and despite myself I scoffed, shaking my head, almost breaking into a smile. "Sure."

Bella's cell rang out to her voice mail both times that I rang. On the second I left a short message and was almost tempted to ring her a third time just to listen to her recorded voice mail message. Instead, I decided to call her house. After the third ring, the stern, deep sounding voice of Chief Swan answered with a short, gruff, _"Hello."_

"Uh … hi—it's Edward Cullen. I'm just calling to see how Bella is," I replied, stammering and feeling like I was five.

He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, Edward, Bella's asleep, and I really don't want to disturb her at the moment."

"Okay … I was just wondering how she was doing?"

"Hmm well, she's not very well at this point, but I will let her know you called," he added. His tone was blatantly hedged with disapproval—not that I could blame him for not trusting me.

I hung up after adding a rather stiff '_goodbye'_ and ran my hands through my hair. It was one freaking awkward conversation that left me feeling tense and uneasy.

A moment later my door swung open. "Hey, you ready to go?" Alice asked.

"Go …?" I repeated, looking up at her, my forehead creasing blankly.

She rolled her eyes and scoffed. "To Port Angeles ... to get Ems graduation present..." she stated, speaking in monotone for emphasis.

"Okay, so I forgot already. Jeez!" I snapped, feeling a sudden surge of irritation, shoving my cell in my pocket.

She quirked an eyebrow at me and gazed at me steadily for a moment, before she spoke flatly, "I'll meet you in my car."

"I don't think Bella's going to be able to make Prom," I mumbled to Alice after several minutes of driving in silence.

Alice merely scoffed. "Is that why you're so mopey? Edward, Bella is less likely to miss prom, than Em would miss his party."

Her tone was blasé and confident. I gazed at her, feeling my forehead furrow in confusion.

What did the little rat know that I didn't?

She continued to drive, her eyes glued to the road as I watched her, when she deliberately rolled them. "Edward, have you learnt nothing about Bella this whole time?"

"What-what do you mean?" I asked her, suspecting that I hadn't learnt a thing about Bella despite exerting all the energy I had where she was concerned. Like the selfish bastard that I was, all I was aware of to date was how she made me feel.

She sighed. "Let's just put aside the fact that she's almost as neurotic as you are. She's also as stubborn as an ox. She'll be at prom."

Well I was aware of that, and it made me feel suddenly more at ease.

"Yeah that's true," I replied, smiling to myself.

Stubborn she was.

At Alice's suggestion, we had pre-ordered Emmett a framed, signed Jersey of Matt Hasselback a few months back, and up until a few days ago we didn't think it would be ready in time. It had taken all of Alice's power of persuasion to abuse them into compliance, with her usual cower inducing tone, whilst keeping Emmett in the dark about it. Emmett usually didn't miss a thing, and I still wasn't entirely sure he hadn't been playing dumb.

Now in the store, and no doubt due to Alice's phone calls, the sales girl was blunt and denied knowledge of the promised discount. Alice went into outrage mode, and I was forced to distance myself by means of wandering around the store pretending we weren't related.

"Where's the _bloody_ manager!" Alice's high-pitched voice rang out, making the middle aged man next to me chuckle.

"What do you think of this for the missus, son?" he turned to me asking, while holding out … a pink stainless steel pen.

I stared at it kind of freaking dumbfounded, my heart beginning to hammer. "Uh..."

How the hell did something like that just happen?

"No good?" he asked and shrugged.

"No ... it's perfect," I answered, a flustered energy beginning to course through me.

"By the looks of things you could probably get it for free for your girl over there." The man grinned, motioning to Alice.

I almost openly cringed. "Erm ... actually she's my sister."

He laughed jovially. "Just as well then, eh?" He winked.

Alice was presently intimidating the sales manager to the point that he was breaking into a sweat, mopping his brow with a handkerchief.

The man beside me nudged me with his elbow. "Now's your chance I'd wager, sonny."

"Thanks," I said smiling quickly at him before I picked up a pen from the display, walked up to the counter, and placed it on it. "We'll take this too."

The sales manager looked at me with relief in his weary eyes. "It's on the house, and please accept our extended apologies."

Alice harrumphed from beside me.

I paid for the jersey, giving the man an empathic smile in the process before I dragged Alice, who looked like she was about to start shit with the sales girl, out of the store.

"Jesus, Alice!" I exclaimed once we were safely outside.

"What? I got us twenty-five percent off. Not bad huh?" she said folding her arms across her chest smugly.

I rolled my eyes. "The entire town stopped by to watch your dealings with the manager, and a man in the store thought you were my girlfriend!"

Alice stopped walking abruptly and turned to me with sudden alarm etched into her features. "Emmett must never find out about that!"

"Oh, hell no!" I replied in agreement, laughing.

"Bella's gonna love that pen by the way," Alice said casually a moment later.

I took a breath, humming out my reply, and trying not to blush in front of the little rat.

Alice only grinned at me all too knowingly. "Come on, let's get a coffee, Romeo."

While we sat in the cafe waiting for our drinks to be served, Alice explained to me that we were in the notorious _chips and sauce_ café, and as we laughed over it my cell rang. My heart paused; it was the song I'd recently added for Bella's number.

"Hey, Bella," I said gently, while a mocking grin twitched at Alice's lips.

"Hey," was her broken, hoarse reply.

She sounded so pitifully adorable that I felt the goofy grin immediately penetrate my face. "You don't sound very well."

"I'm fine, really," she insisted weakly, before she broke into a stint of coughing.

I wanted to laugh.

"Bella, go back to bed. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?" I said gently.

"I _am_ in bed. I'm so _hot._ I've discovered I have to be crook not to be cold in Forks."

"You're adorable."

Alice deliberately rolled her eyes. I scowled at her.

"Sick, I mean—shut up_,_" Bella replied quickly, her voice catching in her throat before she cleared it roughly.

I laughed too gently, exposing my freaking soul to the little rat, but I couldn't help it. "Bella, you sound terrible. Go back to sleep. Okay…?"

"I'm going, but I probably won't come back to school. So, I'll see you Saturday…?"

"Bella, if you're not well enough—" I began, but she interrupted me.

"Edward, you sound like Uncle Billy. I'm going. Try and stop me."

She was stubborn all right.

"I won't. I promise, I won't." I chuckled.

"Okay." She sounded satisfied, before she began coughing again. It sounded horrible.

"Sleep!" I ordered her with feigned authority. My voice was still too freaking tender for Alice's ears and it increased the width of her grin.

"Goodbye, Edward," she said in a croaking whisper.

"Sleep well, Bella," was my reply, and fuck it that Alice was right there to hear how much Bella had compromised me. I didn't care.

The waitress placed our coffee before us, and it gave me a reprieve before Alice started. She decided to delay it, dragging it out deliberately as she added her sugars and stirred.

"Get on with it, Alice. I know you noticed my ring tone." I folded my arms across the table, feeling my expression growing darker the longer she tested my freaking patience.

"It's fitting, Edward." She sipped her coffee, smiling secretively.

"Shut up!" I grumbled at her, throwing in a couple of sugars and stirring my coffee roughly making it spill over the sides.

She laughed and raised yet another completely irritating, all knowing brow in my direction. "You're a lost cause, Edward. Worse than Jazz—worse than _Jacob_."

Wednesday: I had apparently turned into Jacob.

**...**

Thursday, finals were completed, and Bella sounded no better than the day before when I rang her after school.

It was a rare occasion that I had the house to myself, so I had decided to ring her from the living room. I chatted to her, slouched on the sofa while winding the pen through my fingers.

She sounded weak and congested, and she spent the majority of the time trying to convince me that she was fine. It was the first time where I considered she might not be well enough to go to the prom, regardless if she went or not. As much as I wanted to take her, I didn't want her getting pneumonia from it. She assured me a couple of dozen more times that come Saturday she'd be fine, and I reluctantly let it go.

Then like the monumental idiot that I was, I retreated to my room leaving the pen on the coffee table. When I realized—practically bolting back into the room to retrieve it—it was too late. Emmett sat watching TV with it sitting behind his ear.

_Shit!_

"Hey, Duds. You looking for something?" he asked me, flashing me a wise ass smirk.

"Very funny," I replied dryly.

He pulled the pen from his ear. "Nice pen by the way. You gonna get it engraved?" He sounded sincere, if I was gullible enough to fall for it.

I made a move to grab it from his hand, ineffectually.

His grin widened. "You could put: Dear Bella Down Under, you make me so hot I threw away all my sweaters, love Dudley Doo Root."

"Yeah hilarious, bro—just hand it over." I sighed.

He shrugged, then tossed it to me. "So how is she anyway? Has your rooting done any good?"

"Emmett! What the fuck!" I exclaimed impatiently, anger suddenly flaring hotly through me.

"What? I'm serious—Jesus you're uptight, Dudders!"

"Whatever!" I muttered under my breath, turning to head back to my room again.

"If anyone needs a good root again, it's you, Eddie boy." I heard Emmett mutter to himself.

Thursday: I was sexually frustrated. What the fuck else was new!?

**...**

Friday dragged. With finals over, Jazz and Alice talked about nothing but prom like it was their wedding day, and Emmett went back to slipping the word _root _into every conversation with me again. It was almost painful.

"I'll be fucking for you for tomorrow night's root," he said casually at lunch with a mouthful of burger, before he made a deliberate show of slapping himself in the head. "Oops, I got that backwards."

Jazz knocked his can of coke over me, laughing like a pissant.

I sighed; it elicited no other reaction from me.

A few minutes later, I sent Bella a text message.

**How are you?**

**Better. You? **was her reply.

**All good. Sure you're going to be okay for tomorrow night?**

**Shut up!**

I chuckled softly, attracting the attention of everyone at the table as I sat grinning down at my cell, no doubt like a freak show.

Emmett grabbed my phone from me. "1900-root-me?" He shot up a wise ass brow and smirked.

Rose groaned, snatching my phone from him and handed it back to me.

I shoved it in my pocket.

"How is Bella, anyway?" Rose asked, directing her question at Alice.

Alice went to see her the day before. Bella had forbidden me from coming, since I was a '_sooky lala'_ and didn't get a flu shot.

"She's not the best, but she's going to be _drugged to the hilt—_as she said—for tomorrow."

Rose rolled her eyes knowingly. "Slop One and Slop Two are back at school today. Did anyone notice?"

I had. Jake had thrown me an almost civil grin as I passed him in the halls between second and third periods.

"It was just a matter of time for Bella to get sick—being constantly subjected to those two. I wanted to projectile vomit that day they sat with us at lunch." Rose's face screwed up and she shuddered with obvious aversion.

"What day was that?" I asked, my curiosity surpassing my confusion.

"It was when you had one foot in the grave, Dudders," Emmett answered, winking.

"That was the day Bella punched out Newton." Jazz chuckled, just as the table jolted violently.

I felt myself impulsively tense.

"If she pushed Newton off his bike for being a dud root, why did she try and kill you, Dudders?" Emmett asked slyly.

I sighed again, but I couldn't help that the idea of Bella trying to kill me made my lips hint at a bemused grin.

"Emmett, this is so old now. Can we please change the subject?" Alice rolled her eyes and went back to schlepping over Jazz as they _I love you'd _through more of their prom discussions.

I tried to remain in denial that they weren't in fact talking about their post prom night of sex and turned my attention away from them. I caught Emmett glaring at Jazz in a rare display of candor and broke into a small grin.

"We're so gonna have to do something about that little prick soon, Dudders," he said lowly to me, his tone only half joking.

**...**

Friday, Bella sounded significantly better, though she barely had a voice. I asked her, more times than her patience was able to hold up, if she was positive she was going to be well enough.

"Edward—bloody hell!" she exclaimed, after at least the fifth time I questioned her, her voice cracking and turning more hoarse. "You sound like you don't want me to go at all."

"Of course I want you to go," I insisted, dropping my tone gently. "I just don't want you ending up worse."

"Believe me, that isn't possible," she replied with a sigh.

We ended up chatting for an hour. Jake and Nessie were back to their flagrant selves—in Bella's words—so after several exasperated huffs, she eventually locked herself in her room.

At the end of our conversation, I told her once more that it was okay to miss prom if she didn't feel up to it.

"I'm going now, Edward. I'll see you tomorrow at six," was her abrupt reply, though she didn't sound very convincing when she was all hoarse and croaky.

I chuckled warmly. "See you, Bella."

Several minutes after, I got a text message from her. **If you ask me one more time if I'm feeling okay, I'm calling Mike.**

I laughed wholeheartedly and replied, **I thought you weren't into dud roots, Bella?**

**He was a dud root, but he wasn't a nag.**

**Okay, I promise. Pushy!**

Bella's last reply was a symbol of a little red heart, and after ten minutes of trying to figure out how the fuck to put a love heart in a text message, I replied with:

**Slop, alligator.**

Friday: fuck it, I loved her!

* * *

**A/N: well how cute ... and cheesy.**


	27. One Moment in Time

**A/N: Have you guys caught on that half my chapter titles are song titles?**

* * *

**Chapter 27**

**One Moment in Time.**

**Edwards POV.**

Saturday afternoon just as dusk was settling in, I was sitting in the limousine on the way to the Hale's, clutching Bella's corsage in my clammy grip. I was focusing on the pink streamers that flapped about wildly from the hood of the limousine, to keep myself from succumbing to the nervousness that was beginning to spread from the pit of my stomach. I was a fucking wreck; I couldn't remember in my life ever feeling so wound up over one night.

In my pocket the pen sat, poking me in the groin intermittently as I shifted nervously in the seat; a bundle of switched on nerves and impulses, wrapped up in a never-ending circulation of heat and horniness.

Emmett had inadvertently given me the idea to have the pen engraved, and when the three of us went to Port Angeles that morning to pick up the corsages, I had it inscribed with simple words that validated my feelings for Bella. Now, I felt like it was all going to come down to this night; it was all or bust. I knew if it was finally going to work with the two of us, I'd realize it by the end of the night.

One way or another, I'd know.

My gaze broke from the streamers and I caught Emmett's eye. He flashed me a quick grin and winked. Between his legs he was signaling me with his thumb outstretched while he nodded slyly, arching an eyebrow in further emphasis. I broke into a small grin and shook my head to myself. He scrubbed up well in his tuxedo, but Emmett would always be Emmett no matter what he was wearing. There were no _dud roots_ from him that day, though. In fact, there'd been no _roots_ of any kind.

Jazz was buzzing, his knees bouncing the corsage as his feet jittered with a hypo-fucking-active anticipation, which was typical of him. He'd slicked his normally unruly hair back, making him look deceivingly civilized, but all it did was highlight the fading purple hickey that was bruised into his neck.

I looked away, throwing off the edgy impatience that threatened to set in, as the limousine pulled onto the street where the asshole lived.

My stomach tensed and knotted, I shifted in the seat again and tried to relax. No chance. My body was a live wire and there was absolutely no way I'd be able to shut it down by this point.

The limo came to a stop, and Jazz was the first out the door, leaping out and straightening out his jacket offhandedly before he made his way along the path to the front door. Emmett exited next with his usual casual ease. He was never dictated to by any set time; his way of thinking was that nothing really started until he got there, anyway.

I retreated from the limo last. Pulling myself to my full height, I took mechanical steps following Emmett to the door while the energy kept plowing through my veins. My hands, that still gripped Bella's corsage, began to shake.

Mrs. Hale had already opened the door for Jazz, gushing over him and cupping his face between her hands before pulling him down to kiss him affectionately.

She greeted Emmett with almost the same fervor, ushering him inside before holding out her arm to quicken me.

"Well, don't you boys look handsome!" she exclaimed once we had assembled in the foyer, pointing her camera in our direction and almost blinding me with the flash.

My eyes drifted to the stairs, and my heart quickened, pushing more heat to the surface of my skin. I raked my fingers through my hairy, and took a deep breath. I was so amped up, and I couldn't calm myself.

Jazz and Emmett followed my gaze and Mrs. Hale hurried with enthusiasm to scale the stairs.

"They're ready and gosh they look _beautiful!_" she said excitedly before she disappeared up them.

They appeared at the top of the stairs behind Mrs. Hale a moment later. My pulse began racing. I'd caught a glimpse Bella; she was wearing black.

Mrs. Hale retreated back down the stairs, and it was then that I almost went through the fucking floor. They stood together, but my eyes only saw her and—fuck me if she wasn't the most beautiful thing that I had ever laid eyes on!

She smiled down at me then, all warm and tender—there was no cynicism at all. I smiled back, my heart pounding so heavily within me that it seemed to physically move me in its momentum.

My eyes dipped to her dress and my breath drew in before I expelled every molecule of air from my lungs. It was sheer black with thin straps that closely sheathed her body delicately, and the color was a gorgeous contrast to her skin.

Fuck me, she was beautiful!

I swallowed thickly.

They descended the stairs, Rose first followed by Bella alongside Alice. Then she was before me. I stepped forward and took her hands in mine.

"Bella, wow," my voice that I was barely able to make audible, caught in the back of my throat. I paused to clear it, "you look beautiful."

She smiled again, color rising to tinge her already flushed cheeks, and it was then that I noticed the remnants of the flu instilled in her ruddy cheeks and shining brightly behind her eyes. But she was beautiful. It didn't seem enough, but it was all I could think of.

"You don't look so bad yourself," she replied, her voice low and husky; the obvious result from being so sick. She reached out and smoothed down my jacket. I sprang to life from her touch and was immediately poked by the pen in my pocket.

Her forehead quirked quizzically; she'd noticed me react to it. I just smiled back down at her, recovering quickly, before opening the little plastic box that encased the corsage.

"Here," I said softly, slipping it around her wrist, while she watched me almost curiously.

"That's what that thing is for," she replied, chuckling softly.

Mrs. Hale then ushered us into a line and began taking photos of us. I held my hand steadfast to Bella's, pulling her closer to my side. She was still so warm.

After a few minutes of posing for several dozen more photographs, we made our way once more to the door.

"How do you feel?" I asked her, my voice dropping with concern as we stepped outside towards limo.

She shot a stern, warning look up at me, and I laughed softly, squeezing her hand.

"Okay, okay." I pulled her closer to me again, before releasing her hand and wrapping my arm around her shoulders.

We took a few more steps towards the limo when Bella stopped us short.

I looked down at her in confusion. She was staring at the limo in surprise—almost in awe.

"Bella, what—" I began.

"Pink streamers? Edward..." her voice trailed off. She gazed up at me and smiled warmly, shaking her head to herself in wonder.

"It was part of the condition, remember?" I murmured into her ear.

She nodded, leaning into me and nudging me playfully. "I remember." She scoffed to herself softly, then wrapped her arm around my waist and we continued forward again.

**...**

The prom was being held at Kalaloch Lodge. A log cabin restaurant just outside of town, set high on the cliffs with scenic views of the ocean. It had surrounding gardens that were already sprawling with students by the time we arrived.

We were directed to an archway that held the sign_, Forks High School, class of 2013_. Bella and I stood beneath it, I pulled her close to me and we had our photo taken, before we followed the crowds into the restaurant.

Inside, it was cozy warm and I felt Bella relax more in my arms. The lights were dimmed and several dinner tables surrounded a large square dance floor where a DJ was already set up, blasting out music that echoed loudly around the room.

Each person that we passed exclaimed an excited, enthusiastic greeting to us as if we were putting aside all the bullshit politics of high school life and were all best friends. I returned their animated greetings and led Bella over to the table where Jazz and Alice had already set themselves up.

"Isn't it great here?" Alice exclaimed to Bella, who sat beside her.

"It is—so beautiful!" Bella wistfully agreed.

We chatted for a few moments while the room slowly filled with people. Bella had her hand firmly entwined around mine for the most part of it before she pulled her hand away, crossed her arms on top of the table and leaned slightly forward in her conversation with Alice. It exposed her cleavage as the material covering her breast fell slightly forward.

Because I was nothing short of a horny bastard, my eyes seemed locked to it, and I had to physically drag my gaze away before Bella caught me. I could feel myself becoming flustered and a tsunami of heat was shooting straight to my groin.

She didn't notice and leaned back in her chair a moment later, then reached over, but instead of taking my hand, she rested her hand on my leg.

I had to get her out of there and soon before the entire room saw me leering at her like Jack the freaking Ripper.

Dinner was served; roast lamb, or whatever the hell it was. I didn't really pay that much attention to it. All I noticed was that Bella didn't eat much of it. She picked mostly at it with her fork as she chatted with me. She cleared her throat a lot; it broke thickly when she talked. I almost became mesmerized with the ritual of it. Her voice would break, and she'd raise her fist to her mouth to clear it; afterwards, her voice was adorably husky again, before it slowly retreated back to croaky. Then the throat clearing routine would start all over again.

We talked about nothing really. I let Bella talk for the most part. I liked to listen to her and watch her facial expressions as she spoke; the way her eyebrows would pull together intermittently, or when she was explaining something, how her forehead would pucker. And when she was gazing at me for a while, the way that smile of hers would form first behind her eyes before it reached her lips. All the while her hands were constantly in contact with me, whether they idly played with my fingers, or rested on my knee, straightening and smoothing my tie...

I began to get confident about the pen—about her and me. It had plagued me the entire time; when and how I should give her the pen. It was ridiculous considering the amount I had given her in the past. But this pen signified something else; it wasn't just for an apology. It was me, opening myself completely to her.

Bella and I had been so lost in conversation—or more I was engrossed by listening to her talk—that when I looked up I discovered we were the only ones remaining at the table. I leaned in to her, to be heard over the music. She tilted her head toward me and the fucked up alluring scent of her perfume flooded my senses.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" I asked her, after being momentarily jarred.

She nodded, and immediately a swell of nervous energy began humming through me.

We stood up and she grabbed my hand, but I immediately released it, wrapping my arms around her instead and pulling her close against me.

We strolled slowly around the gardens. The late spring air was brisk and comfortable, but Bella was shivering into my side while very obviously trying to hold it back so I wouldn't notice. Smiling lightly to myself, I pulled her tighter to me. Her skin was hot, but at the same time was slowly being covered in goose bumps.

"Cold?" I asked her gently, rubbing her arm slowly as I led her to the gazebo that was at the rear of the gardens.

"Edward, when am I _not _cold?" She sighed wryly.

"You'll get accustomed to it soon," I promised her, sitting her down on one of the benches that encircled the gazebo.

She nodded. "Yeah, I will." Her voice was soft and husky again.

I took a deep breath and shoved my hand in my pocket, gripping her pen in my fist. The freaking thing had been maiming me the whole night.

"I got you something, Bella..." I confessed to her after a minute of working myself into a sweat.

Her brow shot up with surprise, before I pulled the pen out of my pocket and held it out to her. I'd wrapped a red ribbon around it that had long since been crushed in my pocket. Right now it just looked pitiful and corny, but Bella only stared at it, her mouth opening slightly as a sigh escaped her lips. Her expression, which had been curious, slowly softened and that warm and affectionate smile lit up across her face—and again there wasn't a trace of suspicion in her expression. She took it from me and gazed at it before she turned her deep eyes to mine

"Edward ... oh my God! You are such a sweetheart," she said softly.

I reached over and turned it in her hands so she could read the inscription. She squinted slightly and read it aloud, her voice little more than a whisper, "Bella, all my love, Edward."

When she looked up at me again, her eyes were serious and shining bright with ... something I couldn't read.

"What am I going to do with you?" Her tone was gentle and teasing. She leaned in closer to me for a brief moment before she pulled back again to hold my gaze.

"You can do whatever you like with me, Bella!" I replied, before tentatively bringing my hand up to cup her cheek. I ran my thumb across her cheekbone delicately before I tilted her face gently to mine.

For a brief moment that's how we remained, searching each other's eyes while my heart pounded furiously. Then finally working up the courage, I bent down to kiss her, and immediately she pulled back.

I was on my feet in and instant.

Putting my hands on my hips, I turned my back to her, feeling like she'd punched me again—feeling her rejection burning to my ears.

I dropped my head and gazed at the ground, when suddenly Bella was on her feet and clutching at my arm.

"Edward—I—"

I spun around to face her, cutting her off. "You're what, Bella? You're sorry?" I asked her, all emotion devoid from my tone, while my heart clenched in my chest. I reached up and dragged my hand roughly through my hair.

_Fuck!_

All I could think was that she didn't want to kiss me, and like the idiot that I was I'd bared my soul to her and made a fucking fool out of myself.

She shook her head vehemently. "Edward, it—"

"I can't do this anymore, Bella," I said quietly to her, breaking her pleading gaze. I went to take a step away but she clung to me tighter, preventing me from moving.

"Edward, stop—don't go. It's not like that. I—" she attempted to plead more, but I interjected feeling a stubborn ache rise in my chest

"Do you have any idea what you do to me, Bella? Do you have any idea how I feel about you?" I demanded my tone defeated before I ran my fingers impulsively through my hair again.

"Of course I do!" she exclaimed, the attempt she made at increasing the volume of her voice only made it strain hoarsely. She sighed and paused before she gazed up at me again. "I just didn't want—"

"To kiss me?" I cut in, finishing the sentence for her.

She shook her head, for the first time appearing angry. "Edward, would you just bloody shut up for a moment and listen to me!"

"I can't, Bella. I'm done," I answered her quietly.

I removed her grip from my arm and stepped out of the gazebo. I walked, not back to the restaurant, I just walked feeling the fucking ache in my chest growing, threatening to become unbearable. Where I was going I had no fucking clue, I just had to put a large distance between the two of us.

She didn't follow, at least not initially, but I soon heard the awkward thudding of her feet on the damp earth behind me as she got closer. She grabbed hold of my arm again almost pulling me backwards. I suspected she was about to fall and my arm had all but prevented it.

I turned back to her resigned. She was out of breath, her face flushing more deeply. She tried to talk but instead broke into a bout of coughing. My heart went out to her, and it took nearly every part of my will power not to pull her into my arms.

"Bella, you can't keep doing this to me," I whispered, releasing my breath deeply. It wasn't until I heard my voice speak it aloud that I realized it wasn't just my thoughts.

"Edward..." her voice broke and a single tear slipped down her cheek, "I ... I just don't want you to get sick."

I only stared at her, my heart beginning an anxious barrage of thudding as hope ignited within me again. Then, tentatively I brought my hand to her face, grazing her cheek with the back of my fingers, wiping it dry.

As I gazed into her eyes—that were burning with sickness and emotion—realization suddenly hit me, and I felt like cracking my head against a brick wall. Here I was being a prick to her—_again,_ when all she was doing was thinking about me. She was the one that was horrendously sick and she was thinking about me.

_Fuck!_

How many times was I going to do this to her?

I reached out, took her hand in mine and pulled her gently toward me. She was staring at me, her eyes shining with unshed tears, before she pulled her hand free.

"Edward, of course I want to—" she began softly, but cut herself off, taking a heavy breath and exhaling.

I was about to apologize, ridiculously apologize, when the next thing I knew, she grabbed the lapels of my jacket, pulled me down—almost dragging me on top of her—and pressed her lips to mine.

My initial reaction was shock. I froze slightly as the fucking heat began surging through my body.

Her lips were soft, yielding and slightly open. She pressed them against mine with slightly more pressure before pulling away fractionally, only to part her mouth more and kiss me more deeply.

I grabbed her then, my brain finally snapping from its horny stupor. I engulfed her in my arms, pressing her against me—almost hauling her off the ground in the process as I merged my lips to hers with more urgency.

I pulled back several times, testing out different angles to bring her closer to me—to _feel_ her more closely. My nose was pressing into the soft skin of her cheek, and she smelled so freaking good that it made the heat of my desire for her intensify until my skin was all but burning.

I opened my mouth to her more and she obliged, willingly, wrapping her arms around my neck and curling her fingers through my hair. I kissed her more deeply, my heart pounding wildly in my chest, while endeavoring to take a breath, but I refused to break apart. I only pressed my mouth more adamantly against hers.

Oh god—Jesus! I couldn't breathe.

It was Bella who pulled away first. "Edward," she whispered my name breathlessly, as her warm breath washed over my lips. She seemed unsteady in my arms, almost swaying.

Barely taking a single breath, I pulled her back, tasting the sweet suppleness of her lips as they were caught between mine.

I brought my hand to cup the side of her face, my thumb running over her cheekbone, and as if in response, she wrapped her hand around the back of my neck, pulling me tightly against her, opening her mouth just that fraction more to me.

I entered her mouth, taking her into me, all but shuddering against her. She was warm, sweet, salty and … peppermint, and her body slackened against mine, as she breathed into my mouth, humming softly.

I kissed her and kissed her, my lips moving with hers with a hunger that would never be satiated, but I continued to kiss her more, until her scent—her taste filled me. I pulled her even tighter into my arms, ignoring the fact that I was rock hard and buzzing with an urgent release of energy.

And Bella kissed me back with the same depth, the same need, pressing her fingers into my skin, grabbing fistfuls of my shirt and jacket, drawing me closer, her body pressing tortuously against mine. She was consuming me, while her shortened breath continued to flood me, her face growing hot and feverish next to mine.

It was never enough but more than I could comprehend.

I released her, parting our lips slowly. I was almost stumbling, feeling practically drunk. I placed a tender kiss against her forehead before I rested my lips there, catching my breath while my pulse raced through my body, pounding at every pore of my skin.

Her chest was rising and falling to meet mine, the torridness of her breath sweeping against the base of my throat. The heat continued to flood me, circulating and expanding rapidly through me until I felt as if I was breaking into a freaking sweat.

Bella pulled gently against me with the slightest resistance and I released her fully. My hands slipped down her arms, until I found her hand and threaded my fingers with hers. She gazed up at me and smiled.

Oh, fuck it was _that _I-own-your-ass smile, but now added to it was something more. It was in her eyes, shining endlessly in their depths; an unspoken promise that she was finally mine.

She blinked slowly, before her eyes fell to my mouth and her smile slowly broadened.

"Come here," she said, her voice a hoarse whisper. She tentatively reached up and gently wiped my lips with her fingertips, wiping them free of her lipstick I assumed, while her smile twitched in amusement.

I grinned drunkenly, completely intoxicated by her, and caught her hand with both of mine. Leaning in, I kissed her again, needing those soft pouty lips between mine; needing her with an urgency that was suddenly overwhelming me.

That's how we remained. I'm not sure how long we stood in the dark grounds, responding to each other's kiss—each other's touch, but I knew one thing then; whatever it was that drew Bella back to me time and time again, she had finally surrendered to it.

I was holding her in my arms, my lips resting on top of her head, inhaling the scent of her hairy deeply into my lungs. She was cold again and trembling against me. I'd asked her a couple of times if she wanted to go back to the restaurant, but she only shook her head and wrapped her arms tighter around my waist. She was coughing more often though, and I knew I really needed to get her indoors.

Reluctantly I released her from my arms, wrapping one around her protectively, and slowly we began walking back.

"Edward, you know what?" she asked softly, stopping and turning her eyes to mine.

I gazed down at her smiling quizzically. "What?"

She broke into that freaking tender smile again. "We really need to work on our communication."

I laughed softly and kissed the top of her head. "We most definitely do."

She suddenly drew her breath in sharply and stiffened, pulling herself from my arms, alarmed. "I left my pen at the gazebo!"

I placed a hand over my heart and took a deep breath.

Jesus, this girl was going to kill me.

"Okay, don't panic, Bella. It has your name on it, after all."

The pen was sitting on the bench where Bella had left it, still wrapped in the corny red ribbon, undisturbed. She picked it up with a relieved sigh, then sat down and held her hand out to me. I removed my jacket—I was alight beneath it anyway—and wrapped it around her shoulders before I sat beside her and pulled her into my arms.

We listened to the music as it floated to where we were beneath the gazebo; it was nothing but slow songs from that point. Bella was humming along to them gently as she lay against my chest with her back to me. She played idly with my fingers after she'd wrapped my arms more tightly around her. She was still ridiculously hot.

Releasing her breath deeply, she rested her head fully against me, turning to plant a very hot, but tender kiss on the side of my neck. Internally I groaned. I was as stiff as a flagpole and with Bella lying directly on top of me there was no way I could hide it.

_Fuck it._

I turned and kissed her cheek, running my fingers up and down her torso, feeling her ribs beneath the sheer material of her dress. She turned her head to me again, and I intercepted her lips, kissing her deeply. It threatened to get away from us again, but Bella paused and broke into a smile while her lips were still merged with mine, before she eventually broke away.

"Is that a pen in your pocket, Edward, or are you just happy to see me?" she teased me gently.

I chuckled softly and kissed the top of her head briefly. "I'm _very_ happy to see you."

She laughed gently for a few moments until she eventually fell quiet. Holding my hands tightly around her waist, she relaxed fully against me, seeming content to lay with me in silence.

"Bella?" I whispered to her.

"Mmmm?"

I exhaled deeply. "About ... everything that happened before..."

"Oh God, Edward ..." she said softly, sighing.

"Just tell me what I have to do to make it up to you?"

She turned to face me again, burying her face into my neck before she spoke, "You don't have to do anything. It's in the past."

"You seemed to forgive me so easily, and I was really worried you'd never speak to me again," I said lightly, breaking into a soft chuckle.

"Edward ... I don't know if I should be telling you this, but you're a little hard to resist," she admitted reluctantly, sounding almost cynical.

"Really…?" I replied, my tone teasing before I wrapped my arms tighter around her, resting my lips at her temple. "Just tell me how I can make it up to you and I'll feel a lot better."

She huffed out a mockingly impatient sigh. "How about I just take a rain check on it, okay?"

"Deal," I replied, before I moved to get to my feet, pulling her up with me. "Come on, we have to dance at some point. It is prom after all."

She gazed at me dubiously. "Your toes would probably do better to object."

I laughed softly, took her hand and wrapped my other around her back, pulling her close. "My toes will live," I murmured against her ear, before pulling her closer still.

I guided her slowly from side to side. She stumbled with my feet a few times, huffing in frustration as heat rose to burn in her cheeks.

"I did warn you," she said to me apologetically.

I broke into an immediate grin, trying not to laugh. "I'll let that one slide."

"Edward, you are aware that my coordination runs into the negative aren't you?" She pulled awkwardly back so she wasn't standing so close to me, but I drew her in again.

Her lips curved with the beginning of a tender smile, and I chuckled. "You're thinking about it too much."

She took a heavy breath then bent her forehead to rest on my shoulder. I slowed us down, and we somehow managed to dance for a while without incident.

"I like this song," she whispered, looking up at me after a minute of stubbornly watching her feet.

"Do you?" I asked raising my brow.

"Mmm," she mumbled nodding before she released my hand then drew both her arms up around my neck. "Every time we touch, I feel the static..." she sang softly into my neck, her voice barely a whisper.

Becoming more and more compromised by her, I bent my head to her and kissed her gently. She responded, breaking away only to stretch on her toes. I wrapped my arms tightly around her waist bringing her closer to me, kissing her more deeply and again burying my nose into the soft heated skin of her cheek.

It was right then that my cell, that was inside my jacket Bella was wearing, vibrated against my stomach. It startled us both that we pulled apart, staring at each other flustered and confused while our breathing calmed.

I slipped my hand into the pocket, retrieved my phone and opened the message.

Bella, who'd peered over my arm, read it aloud before I could prevent it, "Dudders, stop rooting Bella, the limo is here." She glanced up at me, her forehead puckering slightly in an expression of bewildered amazement before she broke into soft laughter. She curled her arm around my elbow and snuggled close. "Well, come on then, _Dudders,_ I guess we'd better be going."

I untangled her from my arm and wrapped it around her as we walked back to the restaurant. Her voice had become croakier the longer we'd stayed outside, and her cheeks had become ruddier—but then I couldn't be entirely sure of the reason behind that one. What I did know was that Bella had become a lot warmer.

Of course, the limo ride back home was torture. Every one of them sat scrutinizing us with various expressions of freaking amusement and mocking—or in Alice's case, bursting pride. Bella seemed oblivious to them as she sat snuggled into my side.

"Nice shade of lipstick you're wearing, douche bag!" Jazz smirked.

I just grinned back at him, knowing I looked as drunk as I felt, but it was unavoidable. Every one of my senses was buzzing with her, and I was so fucking horny it was beginning to become painful.

I had a brief moment of comfort knowing I was wearing jockeys and not boxers. But when Bella, whose hand was resting on my knee casually slid it further down and squeezed, it effectually removed every thought from my mind, and I suddenly felt like Clark Kent about to burst through his suit.

I might have too, but Bella suddenly went into a round of congested sounding coughing, shrinking into my jacket as she covered her mouth with her hand. I encircled my arm around her, feeling my face contort with concern. I knew for the moment Superman had retreated back behind Clark Kent as I pulled Bella against me.

"Bella, did you bring your flu meds?" Alice asked her, her expression mirroring mine.

She just nodded and croaked out a stiff, _"Yes"_.

I tightened my arm around her, taking her hand with my free arm. She curled her fingers through mine and with her other hand she tickled the side of me, immediately making me tense. "I'm okay, Edward," she whispered to me, her tone so soft that only I could hear her.

By the time we arrived home half the town was already waiting outside in anticipation. When Emmett stepped out of the limo the crowd cheered as if he was some kind of returning freaking NFL hero. Rose groaned barely beneath her breath and followed him out.

Alice met my gaze and grinned, rolling her eyes. I returned it then took Bella's hand and stepped out of the car behind Alice and Jazz.

In five minutes the house was alive and bursting with blaring music and alcohol drinking Forks students at every square foot. I left Bella in the Living Room talking with Angela for a few minutes while I disappeared into the kitchen to make her a hot chocolate. I was going to get her to take some more medication—despite the fact that she insisted she didn't need any.

I took the two cups up to my room before I went back downstairs to get Bella—checking quickly that I didn't have anything embarrassing lying about before I closed the door.

At the top of the stairs I paused, scanning the crowds for her. When I finally sighted her, it jarred me. I gazed at her for a moment, marveling at how beautiful she was wearing that damn body hugging dress with her hair curling down her back.

At that moment she turned her head, her eyes searching the crowds ... for me.

I bounded down the stairs, feeling my face aching again with that fucked up goofy grin I knew had nailed itself there. I reached Bella a moment later and encircled my arms around her from behind. She jumped slightly in surprise then turned herself in my arms to face me.

"I'll leave you guys to it then," Angela said with an amused grin, before she turned and disappeared into the crowds.

Bella looked around quickly, but Angela was gone. She turned back to me and flashed me a quick grin, before she wrapped her arms around my back, resting her head against my chest.

"Do you want to hang out in my room?" I asked her as a surge of heat brought my fucking erection back to the forefront at the mere thought of it. "I promise not to attack you in anyway—if I can help it," I added grinning at her teasingly.

She smiled gently; tender, and warm, with a hint of cynicism that freaking conquered me. She went to speak, but her voice broke. She cleared her throat and nodded in answer.

"You're taking some more medicine too—if I have to force it down you," I whispered into her ear gently as I led her upstairs.

She expelled her breath but didn't reply. When I glanced down at her, she was smiling gently, though her eyes were way too bright and her cheeks were flushing all the more deeply. I placed the back of my hand up to her forehead tentatively; it creased immediately, before she turned to me and grabbed my hand with a sigh.

"Edward, you are too uptight. I'm fine. I have the flu—that's it!" she insisted, though her eyes turned warm as she gazed at me.

I smiled at her and shrugged. "I'm still forcing those pills down you."

"You won't be able to attack me if I'm zonked," she said simply with a sly smile ghosting across her face.

_Fuck!_

I paused and gauged her for a moment, my body immediately reacting to her. I only smiled to myself, releasing my breath in complete defeat, knowing the little vixen was continuously owning me.

Opening my bedroom door, I led her inside, sitting her down on my bed before I got up to get the hot chocolate I'd left on my dresser.

She glanced around my room looking both apprehensive and genuinely curious at the same time. I paused, suddenly feeling like I had the surreal urge to freaking start dancing around in celebration that I finally had Isabella Swan, in my bedroom. On. My. Bed.

She clasped her fists in her lap, drawing her shoulders up for a moment before relaxing them, causing the strap from her dress to slip from her shoulder. I acted before I thought about it. Placing the two cups on my nightstand, I sat beside her and slipped it back up for her, allowing my fingers to run over the silky warmth of her skin.

She turned her head to face me; she didn't look surprised, she just smiled at me. "Thanks," she said softly.

"_No worries,_" I replied teasing her with one of her expressions before I slipped my hand from her shoulder to cup the side of her face, tilting it slightly to me. Her smile was just beginning to turn suspicious when her lips met mine.

I kissed her tenderly but briefly, while I continued to fight every instinct within me with a burning primitive desire that was slowly wearing down any resistance.

It should have been enough just to kiss her, but it wasn't. I wanted to feel every inch of her body beneath my hands—I wanted to _know_ every inch of her body, and I just couldn't seem to get close enough to her.

Bella immediately responded to me, kissing me back and opening her mouth to mine with a fraction more pressure, but it was just as brief when she pulled apart. She stared into my eyes for the longest moment, and I was just on the verge of bending in to kiss her again, when she broke her gaze.

She busied herself with straightening my tie for a few moments before she began tucking my hair behind my ear. Her fingers trailed down it before she tugged on my earlobe playfully, a smile suddenly lighting up on her face again.

"Do you know what Alice told me about you?" Her smile turned to a grin as she locked her eyes with mine again.

I groaned and half rolled my eyes. "Let me guess; when people walk past me they spontaneously combust?"

She laughed softly. "No, that was Jazz, actually." She began playing with my tie again; this time she was loosening it.

"What did Alice tell you about me?" My voice was tight, and I swallowed thickly. It wasn't the smartest thing to do, considering her attention was on my neck.

Her eyes met mine again and this time she grinned broadly and full of amusement. "She told me you swear all the time."

_Fucking little rat!_

"I bet she did!" I muttered.

Bella chuckled; she'd completely undone my tie and was pulling it slowly from around my neck. "I don't believe it though; you'd have to prove it to me first."

I smiled at her for a moment, before I cleared my throat and leaned closer to her, my forehead almost touching hers. "You're _fucking_ beautiful, Bella."

Her expression almost made me burst into laughter. Her eyes widened, surprised yet ... not. Her cheeks went ruddy, and her lips curved into a small, knowing smile.

"I ... actually liked that," she admitted, before she reached up and slowly unbuttoned my top shirt button.

Fuck, what was she doing?

Again I swallowed nervously, all but giving in to my erection.

I needed a distraction.

"I'll swear more if you want me too, but you have to promise me something," I teased her, my voice only slightly restricted and turning gravelly.

"Okay?" she asked, her brow quirking.

"You can't stop saying those Australian phrases," I said, breaking into a grin—almost laughing from her replying frown.

She huffed. "I don't exactly realize I'm saying them anyway, Edward."

"But if you stop saying _bloody _and _bugger,_ I'll be really upset."

She rolled her eyes and shoved me playfully, but I knew I'd made her self-conscious; the shade of her cheeks gave her away. "I can't promise anything but I'll bring some Tim Tams back from Australia and I'll show you a Tim Tam slam."

Tim Tam slam? I liked the sound of that. My brow shot up at her slyly.

She smirked, opening her mouth before she was cut off by a blasting rap song that began playing from inside her purse. I felt the frown immediately etch my face. Knowing Jacob had put it on her phone bugged me. I'd have to replace it and soon!

She stood up to retrieve it, pulling it from her bag and bringing it to her ear without checking the caller ID—throwing me that freaking tender, cynical smile as she did. "It's nothing like you think, Edward... Hello?"

The chuckle died on my lips; something was wrong.

Bella had frozen almost literally, then taking an unsteady breath, she stepped backwards as all color drained from her face. "W-when?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper and wavering as her face twisted in sudden pain.

I knew what it was instantly.

Immediately I was on my feet and by her side, but she held out her hand, pressing it against my chest, holding me at arm's length and preventing me from enfolding her against me.

"Okay," she spoke into the receiver, nodding her head slowly, her voice so faint that I barely heard it. Then her hand that held the phone to her ear fell, her phone dropping to the floor. She swayed on her feet; her face was so pale that my heart stalled in sudden panic. I pulled her into my arms but she shoved me roughly off, shaking her head. "No!" she exclaimed, her voice breaking, grief-stricken.

"Bella," I said gently to her, panicked by the sheer look of desolation in her eyes.

She only shook her head more. "No!" she repeated, though it was barely more than a whisper. She brought her fists to her forehead, pressing her closed palms roughly against her skin, before inhaling back a sharp anguished breath.

Her entire body began trembling.

I wrapped my arms around her a little rougher this time and pulled her against me. She immediately struggled, pushing herself against my chest as choked, broken sobs began shuddering from her.

"Edward, don't—let me go!" she cried, struggling against me in a futile effort as I tightened my arms around her, holding her against me.

"Edward—_LET ME GO_!" she repeated, her voice rising angrily as she continued to struggle more forcefully against me.

I only held steadfast to her, pressing her head to my chest. I knew she wasn't fighting me but fighting against the realization that Kel was gone. I knew any minute it would hit her and when it did she would drown under it. She'd need me; I knew her pain; I knew what was about to be unleashed on her.

I rubbed her back gently; I wanted to tell her it was going to be okay, but I knew it wasn't, and there wasn't a fucking thing I could do to make her feel better. I just enclosed her in my arms tightly, pressed my lips to the top of her head, soothing her as best as I could until her struggle against me weakened.

She continued to shake her head back and forth. "No, Edward, Please. Please no..." she pleaded against my chest, before she broke down, no longer struggling.

"I know, honey. I know," I whispered to her gently.

She completely collapsed against me, surrendering herself to her tears that broke through in strangled breaths. I knelt down to the floor, keeping her tight against me and continued to rub her back as the grief poured from her. But as she continued to tremble violently, struggling for breath, I began to worry that this reaction from her was more from shock.

It was at that moment that my door flew open. I looked up into Emmett's hard, accusing gaze. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" he demanded.

"Emmett, get Alice," I told him urgently.

He just stared at me, his eyes narrowing darkly as they focused on Bella then back to me. "What the fuck did you do this time, _Dudley_?"

"_GET ALICE_!" I roared at him.

* * *

**A/N: Um ... sorry?**


	28. Shattered

********_**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SCENES OF CHILD ABUSE******_

**Want to know why the idea of returning to Australia straight after Kel's accident freaked Bella out so much? This chapter explains everything.**

**The italics are Bella's memories.**

* * *

****Kleenex warning****

**These wounds won't seem to heal**

**This pain is just too real**

**There's just too much that time cannot erase**

My Immortal - Evanescence

* * *

**Chapter 28**

**Shattered**

**Bella's POV**

"Bella, here put this on," a gentle voice spoke to me, the tone soothing and tender, but unable to ease the pain that was tearing through the fabric of my soul.

I raised my head numbly in response.

Alice.

She was helping me into an oversized, fluffy pink robe. As she wrapped it over me, pulling my arms through the sleeves, my limbs moving mechanically, I stared numbly at the black dress that lay haphazardly over the bathroom sink.

My prom dress.

I was just at the prom with Edward … I'd kissed him.

I closed my eyes and allowed the memory of Edward's tender lips merging with mine to wash back through my thoughts. It brought a warm static energy with it, and I felt myself smile but it was fleeting, fading almost instantly as the warmth of my memory immediately retreated. I took a heavy breath; my chest ached with it.

Edward had only kissed me tonight, yet my consciousness of it was saturated in dark shadows.

I shook my head to myself softly, trying to clear the fogginess from my mind, and when I looked up again I found a pair of blue green eyes gazing intently back.

"Alice…" I whispered, my voice catching.

She nodded, smiling gently through a mask of heartbreak. I continued to stare at her, feeling my forehead knot in confusion.

Why was she so sad?

She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me briefly but delicately to her—like I might break—before she again released me, gazing steadily at me. Her eyes were reflecting a helplessness that was very unlike her. Alice was always so positive and optimistic. "Bella, you're going to get through this. I promise you it will."

I took a shaky breath but my lungs refused to fully expand. My chest was on fire; it ached with an all-consuming pain. I shook my head again, trying desperately to clear my thoughts. I hadn't repressed the terrible reality that Kel had died, but I couldn't discern any details of how it came about. It was as if there was a huge black hole in my memory.

I pushed stubbornly back through to the shrouded memories of the first few weeks after I'd left Australia. It was something that I hadn't done with so much clarity since … I had come to see Alice on that fateful day when I ran in the rain to the Cullens' front door; when Edward's interception had pulled me back from the brink of drowning.

I squeezed my eyes shut as tears began slipping from beneath my lashes in silent streaks. Memories were rushing back in a jumble of confusing images, but I didn't shy away from them like I normally would.

_**Bella, I didn't want to have to tell you this via email. Kel has been in a serious accident. Her outlook is not good. Please, please, please call me.**_

Rach's email.

My breath caught and quickened, and again my chest ached with that relentless fire. I gripped it tightly, my fingers pressing to my skin in a futile attempt to dull the pain.

"_I—I have to call Australia—something's happened!"_

"_Bella! It's Kel, she was in a car accident and they're saying she's not going to make it!"_

Car accident? But I didn't remember a car accident. Not one that Kel was in.

I brought my hands to my forehead, pressing my rigid fingers into my skin, trying to decipher nightmares into reality as they ebbed and flowed through my memory.

It was Edward that had been in an accident. I saw it with my own eyes.

I had seen Edward's car a twisted ruin. I saw him lying on the side of the road, his face and hair covered in blood. Just as I continued to see it now, flashing behind my closed eyes, so vivid, so real; Edward Pale and lifeless.

Edward…

"_EDWARD!" Alice cried out; her voice slicing through the still night, full of heart wrenching grief that brought me to my knees. I dropped to the side of my Jeep, shaking, trying desperately to hold on to the thin fabric of my consciousness._

My eyes flew open. I drew in a sharp breath, shaking my head with a sudden terrible panic. I was at the prom tonight with Edward. We kissed—I could still smell him on me!

"No, no, NO!" I cried out in sudden alarm, hearing my anguished voice reverberate around the bathroom continuously, becoming part of the nightmare that I was unsure how to wake up from

"_Bells…" Nummi whispered through the phone, "they turned off the life support machines. He's gone. Edward's gone."_

My breath caught, my heart leaped into action.

"_EDWARD!_" I cried out with immediate panic—my tone seeped with it. I couldn't breathe! "Edward…"

Alice gripped my arms. "Bella, it's okay. It's okay, Edward's here—_EDWARD_!"

"Was it Edward too? Please tell me! Please tell me it's not true!" I pleaded with her desperately, gasping for air as the panic squeezed relentlessly at my chest.

Still the images continued to invade my vision.

_I watched from the distance where my car was, unable to look away, unable to take a breath. My eyes followed Jazz as he held Alice protectively in his arms, walking her over to where Edward was lying. She clung to him, and even from where I stood, I could see how violently she was shaking. Jazz wrapped his arms around her more tightly and continued walking with her. When they reached where Edward was lying on the damp bitumen of the road, he released her from his arms and slowly she bent down beside him._

No! I was at the prom with Edward tonight!

The ache in my chest intensified, clenching tighter while tears continued to stream endlessly down my face, paralysing me with a deep dark helplessness. The image of Edward lying on a hospital bed, motionless and deathly pale continued to assault my mind. I felt my knees buckle and I fell to the floor, shaking my head over and over again. I Called his name, again and again, hearing my voice as though it were a memory; an echo.

And then he was there with me. He pulled me against him, engulfing me in his arms. I caught the very real smell of him and clung steadfast to it for my very life. Grabbing fistfulls of his shirt, I pulled him to me, burying my face into his chest.

"I'm here, Bella! I'm here!" I heard his voice as it vibrated from within him, full of dismay.

I pulled back and found myself staring into his burning green eyes.

"I'm here, Bella," he repeated, the tone of his voice softening.

I just stared at him, inhaling sharply into my burning lungs over and over as I struggled to take an even breath.

"Edward?" I whispered after a moment.

He nodded and reached out tentatively to delicately wipe my tears with the back of his hand. "It's me, Bella. I'm here."

I reached out and placed a trembling hand on his cheek as another onslaught of sobs choked from me. "Edward! You were in a car accident! They switched off your life support!"

His forehead began to furrow; he shook his head adamantly back and forth. "That wasn't me, sweetheart," his voice was calm and soothing, but it was laced with guilt.

Edward had kissed me so passionately in the gazebo; I could almost feel my lips tingling with the sensation of it.

I only shook my head again. Was I losing touch with reality? "Was it a dream? Was the prom a dream?" I stared up at him, losing what was left of my equanimity in his eyes as I pleaded with him.

He shook his head again, his forehead creasing deeper while a small sad smile formed on his lips. "No, it wasn't, honey. You're not dreaming. Kel…" his voice trailed off and he broke my gaze.

I was unable to shed the image of Edward lying bloodied and lifeless on the road from my thoughts. I clung to him again with trembling arms, anxiously; not knowing whether he was really here with me or whether he was a figment of my imagination.

I closed my eyes and endured the echoes of memories that I had turned my back on.

"_Bella, they're saying we should expect the worst."_

Rach's voice, bleak and despondent. I jolted and then immediately calmed with realisation.

"Kel's ... really gone," I said, my voice a flat whisper.

"_Bells ..." Nummi spoke with broken dismay through the phone. "They turned off the life support machines. She's gone. Kel's gone."_

Kel was gone.

"She's gone!" I repeated, my voice breaking as an explosion of pain cemented the reality further. I cried freely, finally understanding.

Edward was here, and Kel was gone.

I felt myself being pulled against Edward's chest. I lay in his arms broken and limp, sobbing breathlessly. I was finally seeing the truth as the images again flooded my mind. Kel, her smiling face, one of the three pieces that made up my heart, gone. It wasn't Edward on the side of the road dying, it was Kel. It had always been Kel.

"Edward, we have to call mom and Carlisle. She's in shock."

_There was a knock on the door. I sighed and pulled myself lazily off the couch, not bothering to mute the television. There was no need to pretend no one was home; I knew who was knocking by the familiar sound of it._

_I opened the door with resignation. Kel stood before me staring back at me with that never-ending look of burdened pain written into her features. It was always the same expression whenever she looked at me these days._

"_Bells, you weren't at school again today." She sighed._

_I shook my head and shrugged nonchalantly. "Nup."_

"_Why, Bells?" she pleaded with me. She wasn't asking me about school, we both knew it. What she was asking, though, I had no reasoning for, and it seriously pissed me off._

"_Because I couldn't be fucked!" I retorted hotly._

_She just stared at me while the pain behind her eyes intensified. I looked stubbornly away. That bloody look of hers always burned straight to my soul. I couldn't stand it._

"_I hate this," she said softly with conviction creasing at her brow. "I hate what you're becoming—what she's doing to you!"_

"_What is she doing to me?" I asked scoffing sarcastically, folding my arms across my chest._

"_Well for one thing—that!" She pointed stubbornly at my fading black eye._

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I'm sorry I put you through all that," Edward whispered to me. The guilt was still behind every syllable that he spoke, but I only held steadfast to his voice. If I could hear him so clearly he had to be here.

I pushed again back into my memories, searching desperately for Kel's voice. It was a voice I knew better than any other. Hers was always the voice of reason; the only voice that was able to sooth, comfort and inevitably calm me in the wake of Renee's poison.

A voice I would never hear again.

"_I told you how I got that?" I replied defiantly._

"_That's bullshit, Bella, and you know it!" Her voice immediately rose with a frustrated anger. "Why the hell would you protect her?"_

"_I'm not protecting anyone!" I declared defiantly, while my face immediately flashed with the heat of my deception._

"_Oh yes you are, and better still you are becoming the very thing you swore you wouldn't!"_

"_Maybe I just don't give a fuck any more, Kel! Did you ever think of that?" I yelled back at her, my voice breaking with sudden emotion. I buried my face in my hands just as tears began spilling down my cheeks._

"_Bells—bloody hell!" Kel whispered, pulling me into her arms. "We're going to do something about this. I promise we will."_

"Edward ... she's really gone." I sobbed into his chest.

I was beginning to feel an emptiness creep over me. Even the burning ache that had buried itself deep within my chest began to fade. But I felt his arms enfold tightly around me. I felt the rhythmic hammering of his heart gently against my cheek. And I felt the violent shaking within me dissipate as a black blanket of consciousness drifted over me.

I heard voices; voices I knew. Uncle Billy, Jacob, Esme, Rosalie and even Carlisle, but they sounded muffled and echoed as though I was hearing them from under water. The things they spoke didn't make much sense to me either. It was as though they were speaking in a language that I was just beyond the cusp of understanding. And everything that was spoken to me was so immersed in concern that it threatened to bring the ache back to the surface again.

The only time I felt a calming warmth was from Edward's embrace, but after a while he disappeared, and I began to grow panicked and confused; again finding myself lost, unable to discern reality from nightmares.

Then Carlisle was before me, peering down at me with a warm smile on his lips as lines of concern creased his forehead.

A bright light suddenly blinded my vision; I shrank away from it instinctively.

_[Ten years old]_

"_Isabella Swan, get your useless arse in this car right this minute!" Renee yelled drunkenly from the driver's seat as I stood stock-still, caught like a deer in the headlights of her car._

_I immediately began shaking._

"_I'm sorry, Renee!" I pleaded with her, bursting into tears. It was futile; I held the evidence of her anger right there in my hands before her; a bag of hot chips that I'd bought by stealing money from her purse._

"_You're going to be sorry. How dare you steal from me, you fucking little bitch. I'm going to flog you within an inch of your life when we get home."_

"_I bought them for her, Mrs Dwyer!" Kel spoke up, her voice trembling nervously, but she stood her ground bravely._

_Renee staggered drunkenly from her car and grabbed my ear roughly, pulling me toward her._ "_Is that true, you thieving little piece of shit?" Renee whispered to me through clenched teeth, her breath seeped with the stale smell of alcohol._

_I cringed away and began to tremble more violently. "Y-yes."_

_I heard the blow before I felt it as it rang first through my ears._

_She began dragging me toward the car, still gripping my ear, while I stumbled clumsily and dazed, trying to stay on my feet._

"_You let her go!" Kel lunged forward and began pummelling Renee with her fists._

"Bella, you're in shock. I'm going to give you something that will make you feel much better, and will help you sleep," Carlisle's voice spoke softly to me. I looked into his sharp blue eyes and felt myself calm. There was something so compassionate and protective about him; he almost reminded me of Uncle Billy.

I felt a stinging pain in my arm. I flinched.

_Renee gripped her hand to my arm, her fingernails all but piercing my skin as she dragged me through the house, roughly, knocking me into the furniture in her angry haste to get me to my bedroom._

_As soon as she reached my room, she threw me on the floor. I scrambled onto my bed, just as she unleashed her wrath on me. Curling myself into a ball, I hugged my teddy bear to my chest, trying in futile vain to protect myself from her erratic, intoxicated blows._

_After what seemed like an eternity, they stopped. I just lay whimpering quietly, knowing if Renee heard me whinging it would incense her into more of a belting._

"_You're nothing but a useless mistake. You should have been flushed down the toilet when I had the chance," she spat at me hatefully, before yanking my teddy bear from my arms. "You can kiss Daddy's little gift goodbye too."_

"_No—Edward!" I cried. "Please, Renee—please don't!" I begged her, falling off my bed and landing at her feet._

_Her lips curled into a cruel sneer. "Watch me."_

_She turned on her heel and walked back into the lounge room, then coldly threw my teddy bear into the crackling fire. He immediately burst into flames, turning the fire a brilliant ice blue as he began burning._

"_NO!" I screamed, throwing myself to my knees sobbing uncontrollably, and trying in vain to jump into the fire to retrieve him, but Renee held me back. Not to protect me from getting burnt, but so I could watch my beloved bear, the one The General had sent me for Christmas when I was five, burn slowly and turn to ashes in the fire._

_I cried pitifully, not feeling anything as Renee dragged me back to my bedroom by the scruff of my neck, my feet barely touching the ground. She threw me roughly onto my bed; my head hit the timber head board, heavily. I didn't react to it; I just scrambled to the furthest part of my bed and hugged my knees to my chest._

"_You stay in here. If I see you for the rest of the night, I'll kill you. Do you hear me?" she roared, consumed by the alcohol twisted hatred for me._

_I nodded my head hastily, trying to quiet the gasping of my sobs. "Y-yes."_

_She left, slamming my bedroom door, leaving me to cry a river of silent tears as I hugged my pillow helplessly to myself._

_I wasn't sure how long I had been lying on my bed in the dark, when I heard a soft rapping at my window. I sat up quickly and wiped my eyes with the back of my sleeve. A crushing relief consumed me from within. It was Kel; though I always knew she'd come. She always did whenever Renee got drunk enough that she turned her resentment on me._

_I jumped up and opened the window, bursting into a fresh torrent of tears by the sheer look of panic shining in her eyes. "Bells, are you okay? Did she hurt you?"_

"_S-she threw Edward in the fireplace," I whispered, closing my eyes as my face crumbled further._

"_Oh, Bells." She sighed deeply, pulling up the window higher and reaching out to help me as I clambered through._

_I climbed down shakily as Kel wrapped her arm over my shoulder and guided me to the bottom. There was no chance Renee would notice me gone; she never checked on me. Not that she'd care if she found me missing anyway._

_With her arm securely over my shoulder, Kel and I ran like thieves in the night all the way home. To the only real home I had; hers._

After only a short while, the veil of incoherency that had enveloped me began to lift, only to be replaced by a heavy exhaustion. I became vaguely aware that I was lying on Alice's bed while she and Jazz lay beside me. Alice was talking to me softly, though her words drifted in and out of my consciousness and were never fully perceived. I was still comforted by her presence and the resonance of her tone.

Every so often I would catch glimpses of Uncle Billy and Jacob as they walked past the door. Jake peeked in a few times and the expression defining his face alarmed me. It wasn't until these moments that the crashing reality of Kel's death would hit me again, threatening to drown me in grief.

"Where's Edward," I asked Alice shakily, inhaling back another threatening wave of emotion.

I hadn't seen Edward for a while and the absence of him had made me grow cold.

She opened her mouth to reply just as I caught sight of him walking past the open door. There was an angry sort of determination clouding his expression. Esme walked past just after him and it was then that I caught Edward's voice rising in a tone that I'd never heard before.

"It's not up for discussion, mom!"

"Edward, be reasonable, please," Esme spoke seriously.

"I'm not the one being _unreasonable_. You're treating me like a freaking child!"

"I appreciate that you care very deeply for Bella, but you are still recovering from a very serious accident."

"I've recovered. Don't use that against me," his voice lowered, becoming almost a growl.

"It's not going to happen, Edward." Esme's usually warm voice hardened and rose sternly.

"I'd like to see you stop me."

Releasing my breath, I rolled onto my back and ran my fingertips across my forehead, attempting to straighten my mind clear of all confusion. Everything I heard still had the implication of an echoed memory, but the suggestion behind Edward's conversation with his mother worried me.

I turned to Alice. It was obvious that she had been listening as well; her expression was furrowed. She reached up to chew on her nails before she turned to meet my gaze and smiled warmly. The expression she'd worn a moment ago was instantly erased.

I wanted to ask what Edward was arguing with his mother about but my eyelids were becoming so heavy that it was taking all my energy to keep them open, and my thoughts were so clouded that I was beginning to doubt that I'd properly grasped the undertone of their conversation.

I closed my eyes, succumbing to the exhaustion.

"Sleep, Bella," Alice's voice was the last thing I heard. I tried to hang on to it as it floated through my mind, but eventually it faded away.

_[Sixteen years old]_

_As I sat in the back seat—trying to keep my breathing to a bare minimum to prevent myself from being knocked backwards by the stench of alcohol that all three of them were exhaling into the small closed cabin of the car—I began to realise the brashness of my decision. A decision to leave a party, and my friends, and accept a ride home by three drunk men. Each one of them was at least three years older than I was, and each one of them was a complete stranger._

_On one side of me was the heavyset one with bleary, blood shot eyes. He kept trying to snake his arm over my shoulder, despite the amount of times I'd blatantly inched away from him—into the path of the one on the other side of me; the quiet scowling one. I squirmed in my seat, trying to establish a medium, non-contact zone between the two of them._

"_So, love, where do ya live again?" the driver, who had already told me his name was Darryl—though I could call him Daz—asked me as he glanced—his eyes leering at me—through the rear vision mirror._

_I cleared my throat and thought quickly. I wasn't about to give them my real address, even though the idea struck me as potentially useful in the event that they did turn out to be murdering rapists. All I'd have to do was wait for Renee to get home and let her intercept. She'd take great satisfaction in even being raped and murdered in preference to me._

"_Um ... just drop me off up here at the pub. I live close by," I answered quietly._

"_Good thinkin, gorgeous. Wanna party a bit more with just us, do ya?" the big one slurred drunkenly, leaning close to me. His breath rushed in my ear, and I openly cringed._

"_No, I really have to get home, actually." And there was no way under the stars I was taking three males into the pub where my mother worked._

_Daz pulled his car right up to the front of the pub and my heart lodged in my throat. Then to make matters worse, Mr Dark and Frosty grabbed my hand tightly in his huge, sweaty grip._

"_Come on, love, just a few beers, huh? You look like you could be a bit of a wild cat."_

"_I-I can't. Look just let me go—I never said I'd go drinking with you wankers!" I burst angrily, though the tremor in my voice immediately undermined any confidence I wanted to hang on to._

_Daz only chuckled, pulled me from the scowling guy, and walked into the pub as I struggled in vain the entire way. "Just one drink, then we'll drive you home—I promise."_

"_Forget it, I'll walk home from here," I demanded stubbornly and a little desperately; anxious to leave before my mother spotted me._

_Pulling my hand free, I turned to leave and found myself confronted by Renee's cold hard, stare._

_I immediately froze._

_She pulled the swinging bench top back and made her way over to the three men. She took her note pad from her apron, her steps slow, calculating and intimidating; her eyes not once deviated from mine._

"_What will it be, boys?" she finally broke her gaze from mine and turned to the guys, speaking in the high, provocative tone that she used for work._

"_Three schooners, love," Darryl spoke up for them all._

_Renee placed her pencil behind her ear then leaned her elbows on the bar-height table, taking advantage of the best angle to deliberately reveal her cleavage._

"_Listen, boys, if you want a little action tonight," she paused to grab my jaw with her hand, her thumb and middle finger pressing roughly into the tender skin of my cheeks, "this frigid, prick teasing little bitch really isn't your best option."_

_In a rare display of angry defiance, I pulled my face from Renee's grasp and glared at her, feeling my entire face boil with hatred._

_She grabbed my arm, turning back to them with one of her sickeningly fake pretences of being an up standing citizen of the town. "I'll get your beers for you in one minute, boys. I just need to sort out this _child_."_

_She dragged me into the women's toilets, let go of my arm, and rounded on me furiously. "Haven't I told you never to come in here when I'm working, you fucking little whore?"_

"_They dragged me in here," I spoke in my defence quietly, dropping my gaze from hers and bowing my head; all but shrinking away from her._

_She snorted._

"_You filthy little bitch, you brought them in here to throw them in my face—didn't you?" she demanded, her voice dropping low and more threatening._

_I shook my head anxiously, feeling my heart momentarily stall. "I-I didn't."_

"_Leave now, and let me just tell you this once. Do not even consider coming home tonight—or I'll set the dogs on you!" she spoke so lowly that her words became all but a seething murmur. Then, continuing to gare at me, her face twisting with resentment, she shoved me disdainfully towards the door._

_I ran clumsily out of the toilet and out of the pub—ignoring the three drunken wankers as they eyed me curiously—and kept going—not slowing down until it was all well behind me. I eventually stopped, sobbing bitterly while pitifully trying to catch my breath. I turned my face to the stars, allowing the tears to run freely down my cheeks, before taking a drawn out miserable breath. I could feel the toxic tentacles of hatred toward my mother spread out and consume me. I balled my hands into fists, my muscles shaking with fury, my tears turning angry. I wanted with a desperate urge to lash out at something, make it feel as shitty as I did. But all too soon, and predictably, it dissipated into a hollow, numb emptiness._

_I walked aimlessly for a few more metres then stopped; I didn't know where to go. Obviously I couldn't go to Renee's, and the girls were no doubt still at the party I'd ditched._

_I really did need to buy the mobile that Kel had hassled me numerously to get, but I knew if Renee found it she'd know I had money. And if she found out I was getting money from The General all hell would break loose._

_I turned around and almost subconsciously walked in the direction of Kel's house. I knew they probably wouldn't be back from the party for a while yet, so I decided I'd hang out in the barn until they did. Of course Kel's mum would gladly invite me inside if she knew, but her attempts to mother me in the very real absence of my own always upset me. Besides, I hated to burden her with my shit._

_I had not walked ten metres when a car pulled to a stop noisily in the gravel beside me. I jumped in alarm, my eyes meeting with Kel's oldest brother, Chris._

"_Jesus Christ, Bella, where did you go? The girls have been looking for you the past hour, fucking freaking out!" He kicked open the passenger side door, shaking his head with aggravation. "Get in." He huffed._

_I climbed in and sat ashamedly with my fists clasped in my lap. Chris pulled away from the curb, pulling his mobile from his pocket as he did._

"_Yeah, Kel, she's with me. I'm taking her home." Then, throwing his phone in the glove box, he glanced at me, a scowl on his face, before he turned his eyes to the road._

_Kel's mum gushed over me with stern relief while her eyes shone with their usual impression of pity and concern whenever they were turned in my direction._

"_Go and wait in Kel's room, darling. They'll be here soon," she said tenderly to me after she'd released me from the impulsive hug—that had been the immediate result of her noticing my, no doubt, newly bruised, tear streaked face._

_I only nodded and walked hastily towards Kel's bedroom becoming choked with a burning emotion that I refused to allow Kel's mum to notice. The last time I'd cried in front of her, she cried right along with me, and I vowed never to let that happen again; never to contaminate others with Renee's poison._

_When the girls finally arrived and entered the room, Kel walked straight past me. Her jaw was set angrily, her expression an assortment of emotion; pissed off being the most prominent._

"_I can't even look at you right now, Bella," she said lowly, her voice trembling with anger. She walked into the adjoining bathroom and slammed the door shut._

_Rach strode over to me, placed her hands on her hips, and frowned darkly down at me as I sat dejectedly, my head bowed remorsefully; unable to meet her gaze._

"_What the fuck were you thinking?" she demanded. I glanced meekly up at her, she looked so angry that I thought for a moment she might slap me._

"_I wasn't," I admitted quietly._

_I turned my eyes in Nummi's direction. She was sitting in Kel's rocking chair, with it angled away from me, gripping the arms of it so tightly that her knuckles were turning white. When she noticed my eyes on her she averted her attention further away, her lips pressing tightly together as angry heat spread to flush her face._

"_Do you have any idea what we went through tonight thinking you were lying in a ditch somewhere DEAD?" Rach's voice rose even higher, snapping my attention back to her as my eyes welled with shameful tears. But I preferred her anger; Kel and Nummi's silence spoke volumes more._

"_I'm sorry," I whispered._

_There was a crashing sound that came from behind the bathroom door. It made me jump. It sounded like Kel had thrown everything off the sink onto the floor._

_With a brash huff, Rach grabbed my wrist and hauled me off the bed. She proceeded to drag me into the bathroom, stopping short in front of the mirror, but my eyes only sought Kel. She was sitting on the edge of the bath, her face clouded, fuming. I stared fixedly at her, my eyes pleading with her to forgive me, but she refused to meet them._

"_Take a look at yourself, Bella," Rach demanded, snapping my thoughts back to her._

_I timidly looked up and met her gaze through the mirror; her scowl deepened._

"_Not at me—at you. See what it is that you have become!"_

_Reluctantly, I looked up and caught my own gaze. I found myself staring at the person reflected there. My cheeks, that Renee had gripped in her hand that night, had already started to bruise, but it wasn't that that made the tears spill pitifully down my face. It was my eyes. They had become blank, dead pools, reflecting the emptiness of my soul. I continued to stare, almost hypnotised by the stranger that stared back, until the pain of it became too much to endure._

_I burst into bitter tears. "I'm sorry, guys. I'm so sorry!"_

"_Bells," Rach began, her tone softening as she reached out, placed her hand on my shoulder and turned me to face her. "You have choices. You don't have to shut off and die—you don't."_

_I shook my head, feeling defeated and helpless. "I-I don't know what I'm supposed to do."_

_Kel was before me; she was staring at me, her eyes swimming with all too familiar burden. "I know what she does to you, Bella—we all do, but this road you're going down ... I can't follow you. If you're hell bent on destroying yourself, you'll have to do it on your own."_

_With a quickened thud of my heart, my tears instantly ceased. I looked up squarely into Kel's clear, sky blue eyes and knew she was right. I had let myself get to this point—I had let Renee drive me to this point. I lowered my eyes unable to hold her gaze, or look at Rach and Nummi a moment longer. I felt overwhelmed by an incredible sense of shame._

"_How did I get here?" I whispered. It was spoken aloud but it was a question that had been gnawing at me, deep within my heart for a while now. The motivation behind all the stupid reckless things I had been doing over the last several months had not escaped my consciousness. I knew what I was doing; I had just stopped caring why I was doing them. I had inevitably lost hope. Even with Kel, Nummi and Rach on my side, _she_ had still won._

_I took a long, wavering breath and bowed my head. It was a bitter realisation. I looked back up at them; their faces wavered behind my tears. "Will you guys please help me? I can't do it anymore and I need you."_

"_Of course we will, Bells." It was Nummi this time. She pulled me tightly into her arms, her voice thick and breaking with conviction._

_I broke down, crying wretchedly. I wasn't alone in it though; I never had been. The girls were right alongside me. I had lost sight of them for a while, but I vowed never to again._

"Here, Bella, let me take that for you," Edward spoke tenderly, reaching over to take the suitcase from my grip. With his other hand, he wrapped it gently around my shoulders, pulling me close to him.

For the briefest of moments I allowed myself to relax into the intimate warmth of Edward's arms, sighing into his chest and inhaling back the scent of his aftershave. A smile ghosted on my lips before it disappeared into the dark depths of my crushing grief and guilt. I squeezed my eyes shut and pushed my face further into Edward, praying for the comfort that I was sure I would feel from him, but I found nothing. As the ache continued to rage its war through me, all I knew was that Kel was gone and my sense of significance had gone with her.

Who was I without her? It was because of her that I stood now in the arms of Edward, on the other side of the world, having found, for the first time in my life, a sense of peace and belonging.

But now...

_What was the point of any of it? _I found myself wanting to scream out. Instead I swallowed past it and willed myself to find the blissful escape that I'd found in Edward just a couple of nights back.

Again, nothing. Just Edward's heartbeat, constant and familiar, and the feel of his lips pressing to the top of my head and pausing, his breath washing over me as he exhaled. It all evoked a hollow emptiness from me that confused me, making me want to cling to him all the more. Cling to Alice, to Jake...

The tears eventually won out, spilling down my face, no doubt streaking through the press powder that Alice had applied that morning, and dampening Edward's shirt. He only tightened his grip around me, dropping his head to murmur in my ear, a whisper wrapped in an echo that connected with me a moment later. Two simple but undeniably heartbreaking words.

"I'm here."

Edward _was_ here for me, so was Nummi, Rach, Alice, and Jake, but where was I when Kel needed me?

Pushing back my tears with a sudden wave of stubborn frustration, I raised my head from Edward's chest, and for the first time took notice of my surroundings. We were in the airport terminal at Los Angeles. People walked busily past in all directions going about their lives while Edward walked me slowly to check in, that would take me back to Australia. Back to the nightmare, I thought I'd never escape, to a new and more horrifying one.

Edward checked my suitcase as I handed my ticket to the travel agent, my hands beginning to tremble uncontrollably.

I was really going back.

_[Seventeen years old]_

_I'd missed another day of school. It really wasn't intentional this time. Renee got drunk and I fled the house, hiding outside while she searched for me with her flashlight, screaming out her intentions if she caught sight of me. I'd learnt early on where to hide and where to remain until she was passed out long enough for me to safely climb back through my bedroom window; passed out long enough where her threats of a beating could no longer harm me. There was never any retribution for me, not when she drank. Not while the alcohol continued to fuel her resentment, twisting it to hatred and poisoning what little reasoning she had left towards me. It was all justifiable to her, all of it, and I stood little chance of defending myself in her wrath._

_It was around 4 am when she finally fell quiet; I crept back inside finding her passed out on the bathroom floor. When I woke that morning around eleven she was gone. It was too early for her to be at work, so I guessed she had gone to play bridge with her friends, and continue the campaign to maintain her reputation of being a long-suffering single mother to a selfish teenager. Either that or she had gone out with Phil, the lecherous new man in her life._

_When Renee wasn't drunk and attempting to beat the crap out of me, she spent her time either flat out ignoring me, or making snide comments that covertly dragged me and The General through the mud. Instilling a good sense of self-worth in her daughter was only for the rare occasions when she actually brought someone into the house. Of course it was never heartfelt or sincere and it made me, ironically, long for her emotional abuse, like the masochist that I was. I'd learnt to deal with—even understand—that, but the facade that she put on for the benefit of her few ignorant friends? That was a different matter entirely. It gave me a false sense of hope and longing, because if she could pretend so convincingly, I had to believe that maybe deep down she really did love me._

_It was more detrimental to me than all her beatings combined._

_I was working on my English assignment on Othello, not realising, as my thoughts probed back to Renee, that I had been pressing into my note pad with so much pressure that my pen went through several layers of paper. I stood up abruptly and paced the room, crossing my arms tightly across my chest, silently fuming. I knew I had to clear her from my thoughts or I'd find myself being again consumed by the very same anger that had threatened to take everything I cared about from me. I'd promised the girls that I was no longer going to embark on any more reckless crusades—and that extended to jigging school. I was, regardless of the circumstances, racked with guilt about missing today, and I allowed this emotion to quell my anger._

_I refused to allow Renee to ruin my life. I refused to be tainted by her influence. Not anymore!_

_Inevitably and right on 3:30 that afternoon, Kel's familiar knock brought a smile to my lips for the first time that day. I jumped up off the tatty sofa that Renee had owned as far back as I could remember, and opened the front door. Kel stood before me with traces of disappointment working into her warm, welcoming grin._

_I flashed her a sheepish smile, deciding against an explanation, but she was already dubiously eyeing the scratches covering my arms. Scratches that were the result of running through the bushes in the dark the previous night in my efforts to evade Renee._

"_You spent the night outside again, didn't you!" It was a statement, accompanied by a weary sigh._

_I nodded abashedly, rubbing my forehead in a futile attempt to hide the shame that shone in my face._

"_Bells..." she complained with a trace of exasperation, "why didn't you come to my place?"_

"_Because, you can't rescue me all the time, Kel. I have to learn to deal with it—with her." I dropped my voice, my eyes breaking contact with hers. I was kidding myself and she was well aware of it._

"_You shouldn't have to learn to deal with anything," she said softly, before she shook her head quickly and her jaded expression gave way to a sudden bright smile. She reached out and grabbed my hand, pulling me through the open door. "Come on, we're hanging at Nums' this arvo."_

_I soon learnt the motive behind what 'hanging at Nums' meant._

_As soon as I walked into Nummi's bedroom and caught sight of their serious, determined expressions, my heart thumped heavily with a sudden sense of foreboding._

_Kel was the spokesperson. It stood to reason; she was the calmest, the most articulate. _"_Bells, we all think that it's time you told The General about what's been happening?"_

_I shifted uncomfortably in Nummi's beanbag before slamming the glass of coke—that Nummi had given me a few moments before to reassure me—with a little too much aggravation on the timber floor beside me._ "_Tell him what, exactly?" I demanded._

"_Are you fucking serious, Bella? You protect that bitch like..." Rach fumed, but her words died just as suddenly. She turned away from me in a huff and folded her arms across her chest._

"_I don't protect her," I insisted meekly. "And, what would telling The General achieve?"_

"_It would get you the hell away from her before she kills you!" Nummi spoke up, her face blazing passionately._

"_Sh-She only hits me when she's drunk, and only when she can catch me—and that's hardly ever these days." Even as I spoke these words, I knew how pathetic I sounded. I wanted to openly cringe, but I didn't falter. I had become a real convincing little victim that was for sure._

_Kel merely gazed at me, shaking her head with the barest of movement, her forehead creasing slowly with disbelief. "Well thank God for that! I was beginning to worry! Bella, Christ! Can you hear yourself?"_

"_Look, there's nothing my father can do for me, and all he'll do is worry. I can't put that on to him."_

"_Bella, he's your father. He's _supposed_ to worry about you, and it's his _job_ to friggen look after you," Nummi stressed. She ran her hand through her hair, exhaling past her obvious growing frustration._

"_Nummi..." I whispered guiltily, but let it go. I had no words to express how I felt. I wanted to tell her not to worry about me, but I didn't know how to when she so clearly did._

"_Bells, please," she whispered, her tone suddenly pleading as tears welled in her eyes._

_I felt it then, it hit me in the chest with the force of a blow. They wanted me to leave—that's what this was about. I shook my head to protest, but Kel quickly interjected._

"_Bella, we aren't enough anymore, and she'll—we can't watch her do it to you anymore. Because every day we have to watch a piece of you die!" her voice rose adamantly, before it broke with emotion. She turned away and hastily swatted the tears as they slipped down her cheeks._

_I lunged to my feet in an instant, shaking my head anxiously as my heart began a tirade of panic. "You want me to leave? I can't—you're all that I have!"_

"_Bella!" Rach spoke up again firmly, her voice quivering ever so slightly, betraying her intention. "You _have_ to do this."_

_I only shook my head back and forth, not absorbing anything but the undeniable panic that the prospect of leaving them behind caused me. _

_There had to be another way!_

"_You're dying here, Bells, and we can't stop it from happening anymore." Kel was openly sobbing now, speaking through it stubbornly, her voice conveying both her heartbreak and her conviction. She opened her mouth to continue but her voice failed her completely._

"_Bells, we don't want to see you fall apart to a point where we can't put you back together again," Nummi added, her voice thick with the tears that she tenaciously fought off._

"_No. I-I can't. I won't leave!" I choked back the first strangled sob that worked its way to my throat._

_Kel placed both her hands on my arms, inhaled back her tears and locked her eyes with mine resolutely. "Bella, you're going to do this. You can't survive here anymore. You know it. You know what you have to do. Please!"_

_I continued to shake my head, desperately, but her pleading, anguished stare threatened to break all my resistance. I broke her gaze, fighting back the tears to the point that my breaths were coming out in gasps. "I-In a few years I can move away—we all can!"_

"_You don't have a few years, Bells," Kel whispered sadly, filling me with resignation._

_From behind, Nummi wrapped her arms around me, hugging me to her. That's all it took. My head dropped defeated to my hands as I broke down into helpless, heart wrenching tears._

_I knew they were right, but how could I live without them?_

_I pulled Kel and Rach to me, clinging to them, my entire body convulsing with sobs that were tearing into my heart. It was a pain so raw and real that even during my seventeen years with Renee I had never experienced it before._

_My heart was breaking._

I woke with a start. I'd been dozing, but I was unaware of how long. Blinking slowly, I squinted, trying to focus my eyes and rid my thoughts of the foggy confusion of sleep.

Alice was curled up by the window seat seemingly fast asleep. Her arm was bent at an awkward angle, clasped to mine. I released it, and she mumbled something unintelligible and repositioned herself.

My thoughts then focused to the second hand that clutched mine. My breathing stilled. It was large, masculine, but soft. I trailed my eyes along the length of the arm, finding the little golden hairs somehow fascinating—mesmerising. My eyes continued to run the length of the arm, past the rolled up sleeve at the elbow, along the broad width of the shoulder, until finally, I raised my head slowly to meet the all-consuming gaze of Edward, and my heart thudded to a skidding halt.

"You're here," I whispered, feeling myself becoming choked up by the very sight of him, sitting there beside me.

I thought I'd been dreaming!

He squeezed my hand gently before his mouth curved into a tender but sad smile. "Of course I'm here. Where else would I be?"

I returned his smile, but I couldn't maintain it. It was as fleeting as the warmth in my heart. He continued to gaze at me, his eyes sparking with the tenderness of his concern and that all-encompassing intensity as I searched their depths, searching for a peace that I knew he could give me, but it was a peace I didn't deserve.

Impulsively, my body continued to react to him. I felt the heat flush at my cheeks, and my pulse accelerate—all the physical manifestations from being close to Edward were still present. My desire for him was still undeniable.

With my other hand I reached for him instinctively, and he took me into his arms. I released my breath into a long weary sigh and closed my eyes, laying my head against his chest. I still found no comfort. Amongst the stirrings of a newly discovered longing, the pain in my chest continued to wage its war within me.

Kel was gone.

Fifteen hours in the air seemed like an incredibly short amount of time when it was taking me to the one place on the planet that I was dreading to return to; a place I had already said my goodbyes to. I hadn't planned on returning until I'd become a person that could hold my head up proudly, without regret or grievances. I had left, determined to succeed in the shadow of my mother, to make the guys proud of me. But it all meant nothing now; every part of it. I was going back to bury my best friend; to say my final goodbyes, and to face my final betrayal.

I'd let her die without me.

* * *

**A/N: :( This was so hard to write…**


	29. Bella's Past

**A/N: Yeah, we speak like total bogans...**

* * *

**Chapter 29**

**Bella's Past**

**Edward's POV**

The night before we left Forks, we made plans with Rach and Nummi to meet us at Sydney airport and then accompany us to Rocherrie, Bella's home town, via train.

Alice noticed them first, alerting me with a nudge of her elbow; I hadn't been looking out for them, or anyone. My first and only priority was keeping Bella on her feet, while trying not to have my heart ripped out by the sheer volume of her pain. It was too familiar for me, and all the more intense since it was coming from her.

Now, as my gaze fell on the two lonely figures standing apart from the crowds, I knew immediately who they were. We slowed down our steps, approaching apprehensively while I kept my gaze steadfast on them. They hadn't seen us right away and were scanning the crowds with an innocence that reminded me so evidently of Bella. Not the Bella that she was today, but the wide eyed girl that had crossed my path that fateful day at school last March. They were, after all, her past.

I knew the moment that Bella noticed them. Her breath caught before she immediately drew it in, while every muscle in her body tensed. By this point, they had spotted us too, and as they gazed at us—at Bella—their expressions flooded with emotion.

I dropped my arm from around Bella's shoulders and she took a tentative step in their direction, before all but running to them; immediately embracing them.

The three of them hugged tightly, fumbling and crying as they greeted each other, but while it was evident that the two girls were suffering with grief, it made what Bella was dealing with more obvious. Bella wasn't just struggling with the pain of losing her best friend; she was also being consumed by guilt.

My thoughts probed back to the night after prom, shortly after Bella had received Nummi's phone call. To say she was fucked up was an understatement, but guilt had immediately grabbed hold of her.

"I should have gone back straight away, Edward! I should have gone!" she had yelled at me, completely fucking distraught, pounding against my chest as tears flowed in streams down her face.

I'd tried to calm her down but she was blinded by grief; devoured by it. Just as she was continuing to be now.

Alice and I walked within six feet of them when I stopped her, needing to reach out to prevent the little rat from continuing.

"Give them a moment," I told her quietly, before I was suddenly distracted by an Australian accent that didn't come from Bella.

"Say sorry one more bloody time, Bells, and I swear to God!" one of the girls—the shorter of the two, with the kind, pretty face and sandy colored hair—spoke with a feigned, angry affection.

I paused, almost jarred by it. Bella's accent was always unique to her, and hearing it spoken by someone, other than her, bothered me. As freaking corny that it was, I didn't want to believe that she spoke with an accent that twenty million others shared.

The three of them continued to hug, kiss and embrace each other for several more moments before the two girls focused their attention on Alice and me. It was then that my eyes met with the steady, easy going gaze of the taller blonde one, who could almost be Rosalie in an alternate universe. She flashed me a quick smile, before physically turning Bella to face us.

"Intros, Bells," she said; the third Australian accent I heard.

My eyes fell back to Bella, who was pitifully wiping her face dry with her entire shirtsleeve. I felt my lips tug automatically; she was so freaking adorable. She returned my smile without a pause, but it was obvious it wasn't something she felt. She merely smiled; it was hollow and drowned out by the pain in her eyes.

"Rach," Bella turned briefly to the tall blonde before turning her gaze to the other—who stood only fractionally shorter than she was, "Nummi, this is Edward and Alice."

Of course Alice embraced them as though she was the one greeting long lost friends on the other side of the world. Nummi returned her enthusiasm, while Rach took it with a small, amused smile, before her scrutinizing, curious gaze fell back on me.

"So ..." she began, when she'd untangled herself from Alice, "_you're _the pen bloke." She held my gaze as the smallest smirk hinted at her mouth.

I broke into an immediate grin. My eyes caught Bella's who again smiled more or less without substance—but for the barest glint of warmth that made my smile inch broader.

I turned back to Rach. "That would be me."

She quirked an eyebrow in Bella's direction. "Could it be, Miss Stone Fish, that you have converted."

Bella's cheeks tinged and the smallest smile lit up her face, before she dropped her eyes to the ground as that seemingly permanent crease drew across her forehead again.

Rach stared at her for a moment, her brow pulling together with a concern that she quickly masked. She grabbed Bella's hand and pulled her close before wrapping her arm over her shoulder. "You want to grab some lunch or something and vege for a bit? We've got a few hours till the train leaves?"

Bella flatly half shrugged, half nodded before she glanced up and met my gaze, her brow shooting up as if gauging my reaction. I smiled at her and nodded. She opened her mouth to speak, but her voice caught in the back of her throat. Attempting to clear it only made her erupt into uncontrollable coughing. It immediately made me realize that on top of Kel dying and having to endure twenty hours in the air, crossing oceans and continents, Bella was still considerably unwell.

Subconsciously I took a step in her direction, just as Rach, Alice and Nummi did the same. Bella didn't miss all four of us advancing upon her and it seemed to immediately piss her off.

"I'm fine!" she spoke hoarsely and a little too sharply, putting both of her hands up to deny any of us access to her. Her eyes blazed and her face clouded, and I got the distinct impression that she wasn't altogether happy with the fact that she was. She sighed, her shoulders falling with it. "Let's just get something to eat."

We made our way to the terminal lounge, weaving our way through the crowds of people to find a cafe to relax in. We only had a short period of time before the next part of the trip back to Rocherrie, and I was exhausted already. I wasn't really hungry, but I knew eating would give me enough energy to prevent me from falling asleep on my feet.

I had to keep reminding myself that just six months before Bella had done this trip on her own. It seemed unfathomable just then, when I was feeling as weary and as jet lagged as I was, but she had. She had left the only life she'd known for the chance of a better one on the other side of the world, and in doing so, it had thrown her and I into each other's trajectory. She had impacted me in a way that I had never expected, and I knew I would never be the same again.

We found a cafe that was large enough that we could cram our luggage in with us, and small enough that the corner booth we chose gave us some privacy.

Bella sat in between Nummi and Rach looking incredibly lost and small. She was sitting forward with her shoulders drawn, with pain still clearly flooding her eyes. But there was something else, something not quite obvious. Her entire expression was almost becoming devoid of emotion—blank.

Maybe she was just as tired and as jetlagged as I was...

"I'll have a salad sandwich, thanks," Nummi spoke, breaking me from my thoughts and from the fact that I was no doubt gazing intently at Bella.

Bella quietly ordered the same, while Rach ordered a custard tart after insisting that Alice and I try the Australian classic 'meat pie with sauce'.

"So, Bells tells us that Forks is freezing cold," Nummi spoke up after the waitress disappeared with our orders.

"It is, but we're used to it. Bella is struggling with it though." I smiled at her teasingly. She returned it briefly, before dipping her head to gaze emptily at her lap.

Rach's eyes flickered in her direction; again her expression knotted, before she turned her attention to Alice and me. "Well since our winter is 'spose to be like your summer, I hope you two brought your cozies." She raised her brow questioningly.

All I could do was stare dumbfounded back at her, while trying hastily to decipher her meaning.

"I did," Alice answered with enthusiasm.

Trust the freaking little rat to understand her!

I quickly glanced at Bella and when my eyes met with hers, my heart swelled. She was smiling at me with the barest hint of that tenderness.

"Cozies are ... swimmers," she explained to me, her tone light. Her smile inched broader before it once again faded behind the wall she was quite evidently building. I knew it was a defense mechanism for her; you could practically hear the anxiety at being back in Australia screaming within her. I just feared that while retreating within herself as a mode of protection, she would gradually shut me out along with everyone else.

Cause, yeah, I was a selfish asshole.

When our food arrived, I squirted the small three inch in diameter pie with ketchup and then proceeded to cut into it with a knife and fork. In doing so, I had apparently committed a cardinal Australian sin. Nummi straight out scoffed, while Rach watched me with a quirked brow, a small smirk on her lips. But Bella smiled with full-blown affectionate tenderness, biting the edge of her lower lip as if in contemplation.

I returned her smile, deciding from that moment on to make it my mission to be a complete and utter ignorant dickhead the whole time I was here if it would make her smile. Of course, it wouldn't be easy while Alice had come out of the closet as a native.

"Edward, my god, you will so get bashed eating it with utensils."

I dipped my head and squeezed the bridge of my nose, sighing inwardly. If she had said '_bloody hell'_, I would have strangled her.

After an hour or so in the cafe, chatting and re-energizing, we picked ourselves arduously up and made for the terminal exit.

The first thing I noticed about the early Australian winter—if I was able to tune out Alice's exclamations regarding it—was that it was as warm as the height of Forks' summer. It was a cloudless day and so bright I was immediately squinting through it.

"I could so get used to this." Alice put on her sunglasses and tilted her face to the sky, sighing.

The weather seemed to go unnoticed by Rach and Nummi, but Bella gazed at the sky as if she was begrudging it of its clearness.

I leaned down to her. "So if this is your Winter, what's your Summers like?"

"Forties," Bella answered simply.

"Fahrenheit...?" I asked her, feigning ignorance to which she immediately smiled, exhaling it shortly through her nose.

Chuckling softly, I took suitcase gently from her grasp

We headed to the subway to Sydney, and at 1:00pm we bordered the train to take us west into the New South Wales countryside; to Bella's past and to Kel's funeral.

For the first hour, I alternated my attention between the scenery outside the window while keeping a vigil on Bella. She had wedged herself between Rach and Nummi as tense as a board. I was also pretty certain that as soon as the train departed she'd began trembling, and the more the hue to her eyes reflected her fear, the more disjointed and angry I became. I felt it coursing through my veins, clenching my hands into fists, but like the selfish prick I was, I couldn't prevent myself from focusing on the idea of losing her again.

The train was so fast moving that the humming, rocking motion brought about by its speed quickly added to my building exhaustion. Bella had dozed off—resting her head against Nummi—and Alice beside me was practically snoring. Rach and Nummi both sat in silence, staring for the most part dejectedly out of the window. It seemed that with the lack of conversation, the reality of the situation began to catch up with them. Rach suddenly didn't appear nearly as tenacious, and Nummi looked as vulnerable as Bella.

The longer I forced my eyes to stay open, the harder my focus became, until my head began aching. Surrendering to the exhaustion, I closed my eyes.

What felt like ten minutes actually turned out to be four hours. I was roused awake by Alice, who looked just as uncoordinated by sleep as I felt.

"We're the next stop, Edward," she mumbled clumsily, reaching to the over-head luggage rack to pull down her shoulder bag.

The second the shroud of sleep lifted enough that I was completely coherent, my attention immediately snapped to Bella. She was awake, her eyes red rimmed and dark as though she had just woken herself. She still sat between Rach and Nummi, tense and shrinking into herself, looking at least two shades paler. She caught my gaze, and then quickly averted her eyes, pushing her hands stiffly into her lap.

It was pretty obvious she was shaking by this point. In fact her shoulders quaked as though she was physically cold. I'd seen her react to the temperature in Forks more times than I'd heard her speak, and as much as I wished she was feeling cold just now and nothing more, I knew it was far from the truth.

I shifted to the edge of the seat, almost reflexively, to reach out to her, but before I could, Nummi drew her arm around her shoulders, diverting her attention away. Bella released the air from her lungs into a long drawn out sigh, leaned her head against Nummi's shoulder, and closed her eyes for the barest moment. Her forehead piqued with defeat and when she opened her eyes again they were just fucking haunted and desolate.

She was struggling, and it was transforming her. She was practically unrecognizable from the girl she was just before Prom.

The train slowed, preparing to pull into the station. We all rose to our feet collectively and in silence and made our way to the exit.

The station of Rocherrie was a single sided platform that appeared smack bang in the middle of nowhere. It was surrounded by dry, parched countryside, while the warm, smoky air around us was added to by the unfamiliar sounds of squawking birds that flew overhead. A flock of white birds passed by and were so loud and piercing that I almost felt the need to cover my ears, while Bella openly recoiled, and stumbled against me. I reached out to immediately steady her, and in my effort to prevent her from falling, I gripped her arm a little too tightly. She flinched, drawing in her breath sharply, reacting to me as though I was burning her. I removed my hand instantly, gazing at her, feeling the frown grow across my expression, but feeling fucking helpless.

"Bells, come on you have to relax a bit. You're losing the plot," Rach said quietly to her with a sigh, reaching down to pick up Bella's suitcase that she'd dropped.

Bella released her breath and reached out to press her fingers into the skin of her forehead. She seemed locked in some internal debate, and when she eventually looked up at me, her eyes were burning with guilt. "I'm sorry, Edward. I ... I guess I..." The words faded from her lips, her face darkening. She huffed resentfully before she continued, dropping her voice to practically a whisper, "I just can't believe I'm back here."

My next reaction was pure impulse. I pulled her—almost roughly—against me, stopping to wrap both my arms tightly around her. Her body initially tensed, before she loosened in my embrace. I felt a sigh escape from her as her arms wrapped tentatively around my waist, her hands grabbing hold of my t-shirt.

"I'm sorry, Edward," she repeated, her soft toned voice sounded anguished but muffled as she pressed her face further into my chest.

"It isn't your fault, Bella," I replied, making my tone as soothing as I could before dropping my lips to rest gently on top of her head.

I wanted to add _"and don't shut me out, please."_ It would have been a typical asshole thing for me to say, but I couldn't. As much as I was determined to be here for her, I had to separate what she was going through from her and me.

After expelling her breath several times—that I suspected was to prevent her from succumbing to tears—Bella pushed herself gently from my arms. Her head was bowed, but even through her hair, I could see the fear consuming her.

Gently, I tucked the front of her hair behind her ear, out of her face; she threw me a small, despondent smile.

"I'm okay," she mumbled, shrugging one shoulder to herself. It was the last thing she was, but I didn't press her on it. she turned slowly to catch up to the girls that were all inconspicuously pretending that they weren't all listening in as they gathered near the side of the road.

After several steps she stopped, looked over her shoulder to me and extended her hand.

I broke into an immediate grin and reached out, taking her hand delicately in mine. She entwined our fingers, and we walked slowly towards the girls, when she stopped again. I glanced down at her questioningly.

Her lips were twitching with the barest hint of a smirk. "Good thing it's not the middle of summer, Edward. I think you'd melt."

I was torn between the urge to groan aloud and laugh—and kiss her. Of course she was aware of my body temperature, and the fact that she decided to tease me about it only made my body react to her more acutely. It never discriminated when it came to her proximity, and it was always constant. If it ever remained static to Bella, I'd know immediately that there was something terribly wrong with me—with me and her.

I ended up chuckling and squeezing her hand before coaxing her down the path to where the girls were waiting. I could feel the resistance in her posture, in the tenseness of her grip on my hand; in the fact that her usually warm, dry hand was clammier than mine was.

Nummi informed us that her brother was picking us up, as a shudder immediately invaded Bella's body. She tried to disguise it, but since her hand was still firmly clamped around mine, I felt the energy behind it. I looked down at her. Her expression was determined, but her eyes were growing deeper with panic.

She was fighting, and it was fucking shredding me because I could see her losing.

I pulled her closer to me and bent my head to speak softly into her ear, "Lean on me whenever you have to. Okay, honey?"

She smiled to herself; it warmed her entire face for a moment while a shrewdness sparked in her eyes. It quickly reminded me that the Bella I knew just a week ago was still there, owning my ass and keeping me grounded. She nudged me gently, but didn't reply.

For the first time since the night of the prom I began to feel confident that I could get her through this.

Nummi's brother arrived a few minutes later—on the opposite side of the road—in a muddy looking SUV. He hopped out, took his hat off and flashed us a broad, welcoming grin.

Nummi introduced her brother, John, who then wiped his palm on the front of his shirt before shaking my hand firmly.

"How ya goin', mate?" he said with a gruff but cheerful voice.

"I'm good, you?"

He shrugged half-heartedly, while the down to earth grin remained intact. "Can't complain."

I noticed he'd made a pointed effort not to look at Bella, who now stood with her hand still clasped to mine, as stiff as a board. I didn't think it was Bella herself, but almost as if he was delaying his greeting to her.

He turned to Alice next, and bent himself almost in half to plant a loud kiss on her cheek. Alice of course found this highly amusing and started asking weird questions about whether his hat was an 'Akubra'.

He looked at her with genuine amusement while his brow furrowed a little with confusion. "Ah ... I think it's an RM Williams, but they sell Akubras in town if you want to buy one."

He turned to Bella then and his expression turned tender—almost pained. "Bells, good to see you again. I ... erm ... I'm just sorry it's under these circumstances, ya know?"

She nodded. "It's good to see you too, John," she replied with a soft voice, before she released her hand from mine and reached up to meet his approaching hug.

He hugged her tightly, slapping her a few times on the back, the way a brother would—the way I'd hugged Alice in the past. But still, I tensed. It was involuntary, but the sight of seeing Bella in the arms of another guy—a guy she'd known a lot longer than me—made me feel instantly edgy.

I was in the midst of trying to shove this off, knowing I was acting like an infantile prick, when I caught Alice's gaze. She surveyed me for a moment then half rolled her eyes. Obviously, the little rat had picked up on my body language.

I ignored her.

When John released Bella he busied himself with making room in the rear of the truck to fit our luggage, while very evidently trying to hide the emotion from showing on his face. He cleared his throat several times, keeping his face averted from mine. I got the immediate impression he was embarrassed by it all, and quickly stepped forward with our bags to help him; to distract him.

The ride to Nummi and John's parents' house took about half an hour. The last five minutes were spent driving along a winding dirt road with what seemed like thousands of sheep grazing in paddocks either side. John explained to me, as I rode in the front passenger seat, that it was all his parents' property.

"Not a bad market, sheep, but they're a bastard to shear," he said to me once we pulled up in front of a long, dark brick house, which had a porch that ran along the entire length of it.

I nodded, clearing my throat. "Fair enough." I wanted to come up with a casual reply that didn't give away the fact that I'd never sheared one, nor did I have the slightest idea how to. I doubt I succeeded, but then he didn't seem to notice.

We all climbed out as John pulled our luggage from the rear. I grabbed mine and Bella's suitcase then followed behind her onto the porch. She looked as though she was walking her final leg to the electric chair; head bowed, shoulders drawn in defeat. The brave front that I knew she was trying so hard to keep up was crumbling. She was slipping away, retreating back behind her wall.

Just as we reached the front entrance door, it swung open and a woman that I assumed was Nummi's mother came out to greet us. She turned her attention immediately on Bella and her already bereaved expression deepened.

"Oh, sweetheart," she spoke to her in little more than a whisper, her tone thick with affection before she immediately pulled her into her arms and hugged her tightly.

Bella almost slackened against her, before apprehensively wrapping her arms around the woman's waist. She seemed to exhale into a jaggered sigh, when Nummi's mother turned her face, kissed her on the cheek and whispered something into her ear. Bella nodded, her entire posture so broken at that moment that it was almost too much for me to continuously observe. Just as a feeling of anxiety enveloped me, making me feel as if I was going to lose her to this tragedy, anger quickly took hold; the same anger that was always lurking within me when it came to Bella suffering. I preferred it; it kept me focused.

I _would _get her past this.

After another quick squeeze, she released Bella and then turned to Alice.

My eyes stayed glued to Bella as she turned to me, and I caught a glimpse of the array of emotions reflecting on her face—that she quickly masked. Her eyes continued to burn with so much pain that when she smiled at me it almost ripped my fucking heart from my chest.

"And you must be Edward!" Nummi's mother was suddenly in front of me smiling; the sadness in her expression momentarily giving way to a motherly affection.

"Pleased to meet you, Mrs.—" I began.

She quickly interjected with a wave of her hand. "Oh, call me Carol," she paused and dropped her voice before continuing, "Your mother had a long talk with me about you, but I think it's lovely that you came to support Bella. You're more than welcome here." And before I had an opportunity to reply, she pulled me into her arms.

After I was hugged and kissed in front of John the sheep shearer, Carol quickly ushered us inside, commenting about the cool weather as she did.

John directed me to the room I was going to occupy, explaining as he walked that it was his little brother's bedroom, while Bella and the girls disappeared down a hall.

"Ya should be pretty comfy in here," he said with an almost amused grin then opened the door.

I stepped in, put my luggage down and quickly surveyed it. It was large, full of toys and surrounded by Toy Story wallpaper. I only grinned in response to it. The bed looked comfortable enough; other than that I didn't really give a shit.

"So, I guess you'll wanna get yourself sorted?" It was more of a statement. I was beginning to feel the jet lag and no doubt looked like shit because of it.

"Yeah," I confessed, rubbing the back of my neck and nodding sheepishly.

"Well righto, the bathrooms down the hall and the _torlet's_ next door," he said, flicking his hand in a random direction.

With my brain practically at zero capacity, I almost asked the meaning of _torlet_ but was thankful I didn't. John's brow was already beginning to crease with confusion—at my no doubt clueless expression—and I didn't want to look more like a freaking ignorant prick than I already did.

"Okay ... thanks," I replied probably too awkwardly, but I was starting to convince myself that I was drooling at the mouth by this point anyway.

His face lit up into a quick grin. "No worries." And with that he closed the door.

I unzipped my bag, pulled out fresh clothes, not giving a shit that they were a crumpled heap by the way I'd packed them, and went out in search of the bathroom and _torlet._ It was easy enough to find, but just as I was about to enter, I paused. I was unsure if I was sharing it with any of the girls, and as I debated whether I should find out, Alice emerged from one of the rooms and met my gaze.

"We are so not in Kansas anymore, Toto." She smirked.

"No shit, Munchkin," I replied wryly.

"What's the matter, you look lost?" she asked quirking her brow.

"Are we sharing bathrooms?"

"No, Nummi has her own," she answered.

I nodded and disappeared inside the hallway bathroom.

I was so fucking tired as I soaked under the spray of the shower, I was swaying on my feet. It was the first time I'd felt this shitty since just after the accident. All I wanted to do was pass out—if the freaking edginess I felt over Bella would dissolve. Regardless, though, the minute I was back in the kid's bedroom, I dragged my ass on the bed and was out cold before my mind could register the next second.

A loud knock on the door woke me with a start a couple of hours later. I shot up from the bed looking around, having no freaking idea where the hell I was for a moment.

John poked his head around the door and offered an apologetic smile, while I shook the disorientation from my head.

"Sorry, mate, just lettin ya know that we're having a barbie in about an hour." I just stared at him blankly, until a small smirk appeared on his lips. "You hungry?"

"Oh—yeah," I uttered, my voice croaky and hitching. "Um ... thanks, okay."

Food was the last thing on my mind. I wanted to crawl back under the freaking Buzz Lightyear quilt and go back to sleep, but my mind soon switched to Bella and my panic for her immediately returned.

I laid myself back against the pillows allowing myself a few moments to get my bearings. It was so blatantly obvious that I was in Australia, even if I could forget the nightmare of the flight. The weather was warm, the air completely dry and the sounds surrounding the house were so foreign to me that I found myself listening more intently and with curiosity.

The sounds of strange squawking birds, though, were soon drowned out by my sister's monotonously enthusiastic exclamations. Rolling my eyes, I pulled myself off the bed and made my way into the hall.

"Hey, Edward, we were just about to get ya. Did you get some sleep?" Nummi asked after I almost collided with her as I exited the bedroom.

It was still so strange for me to hear my name pronounced as _"Edwud" _by someone other than Bella. Every time I heard it, I had to stop myself from reacting in perplexity. But here, I was _Edwud_ to everyone—apart from Alice.

"Yeah, a little bit," I mumbled, shoving my hands in my jean pockets and shrugging.

"Cool," Nummi said, linking arms with me and dragging me along with them, "cause we're about to get tea ready."

I turned and glanced around for Bella; she wasn't with them. I glanced at Alice, but she was busy chatting with Rach, not looking in the slightest bit concerned that Bella was absent.

Nummi tugged me closer to speak. I bent my head down to her; she was shorter than Bella was. "She's out talking to Kel's mom," she told me quietly, her tone sedate.

I nodded then pulled back to smile at her. She flashed me a small, sly smirk that made me wonder exactly what Bella had told them about me.

Well let's face it; the pens were the tip of the freaking iceberg of our history.

At the back of the house there was a covered patio where several people were gathered; Carol and John being the only ones I knew. Then there was Bella. She was sitting on the timber outdoor furniture talking to a blond woman whose expression was openly stricken. She was caressing Bella's hair and face with a motherly tenderness, while Bella was barely able to meet her gaze. She was sitting in her newly adopted position, hands clasped in her lap, staring down at them while her face remained almost completely empty.

"You must be _Edwud_? Good to meet ya, mate. I'm Brian!" A man who bared a striking resemblance to John was suddenly before me, shaking my hand with laid-back friendliness.

I uttered out an awkward hello before he placed a hand on my shoulder and guided me to the table and chairs.

"Take a seat. Tea'll be ready soon," he said before he made his way back to grilling on the barbeque.

I sat down beside Bella, who turned to me and offered a small smile that momentarily softened the shocked emptiness of her face. She then introduced me to Kel's mother, who was still obviously feeling the effects of her reunion with Bella.

She spoke a soft hello then politely excused herself from the table.

Bella's face flickered then completely broke, before she pulled it hastily back and replaced it with that fucked up numbness that she was protecting herself with. A part of me wished she'd scream and lash out—at me or whoever. She needed it and I think I preferred seeing her in the condition she was in the night after the prom, than this shell that she was turning into.

She sat beside me shifting in her seat for a few awkward minutes before she cleared her throat. "I think I might go help get the food ready."

She got out of her seat quietly and left.

_Fuck!_

I sat like an idiot—the only one at the table—while John and Brian were busy grilling, when I was poked in the back from behind. The perpetrator then sat beside me, a kid—whose bedroom I was currently occupying, I was willing to guess.

"Do you live near Disneyland?" he asked me with genuine interest.

I smirked while being glad for the company, despite the fact that he looked no older than eight. "No, not exactly."

He scrunched his nose at me as though it was my fault I didn't. "Do you live near the Brady Bunch then?"

"Oi, Edward!" John suddenly called out.

I turned to him freaking gratefully.

"How many snags would ya like?"

"Erm..."

Where the fuck was Alice when I needed her!

Bella was suddenly leaning over me, placing a salad bowl on the table with one hand, the other she placed on my shoulder for support.

"Sausages," she whispered in my ear.

"Uh—two, thanks," I stammered.

I suddenly had complete understanding why Bella was so self-conscious of her language in her early days at school. It might as well have been freaking Chinese. It would also make my campaign of ignorance a lot easier.

"Thanks," I said softly to her.

She tweaked my earlobe gently while a shadow of her smile skimmed to the surface before she turned and headed back inside.

Despite all my efforts, I think the kid spotted the goofy grin that involuntarily took hold of me for a second.

"Is Bells your girlfriend?" he asked me mockingly.

I folded my arms across the tabletop before I faced him. "Yep."

He screwed his face and made a heaving sound, before he was suddenly yanked from behind and shoved out of the way by Nummi, who rolled her eyes.

"Ignore him, Edward."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" I asked as she placed more trays of food down.

"Noooo, we're about to eat," she said dismissing me.

Just as she headed back inside, more people arrived. John greeted them and introduced them to me as Kel's father and brother.

Kel's brother, Chris, then sat down beside me, chatting for a few minutes before Bella took the seat on the other side of me. He flashed her an awkward, warm sort of smile before he rose from his chair.

"Do you want a VB, mate?" he asked me.

"Beer," Bella said to me softly, and thankfully before that freaking clueless look took hold of my face again.

"Uh..." I began, before I paused with uncertainty.

"When are you eighteen?" Chris asked simply.

"August," I answered, feeling like a fucking moron for hesitating.

He shrugged. "She'll be right then."

I glanced at Bella; she was smiling at me again in tender amusement. I returned it, grabbing her hand under the table. She squeezed it tenderly before pulling it from my grasp and getting out of the chair again.

Chris returned, plodding the bottle of beer in front of me, and I wondered if he was avoiding Bella. His expression was strained when she'd sat beside me, and both of them avoided each other's eye. I didn't get the impression that he was angry at her, but almost as if it was overwhelming for him to have Bella close by.

"So you and Bells, hey?" he asked after taking a couple of mouthfuls of beer and swallowing loudly.

I smiled, half shrugged and took a sip myself—trying not to grimace. "Yeah."

He nodded and took another gulp from the bottle. I felt like I should follow suit, but my stomach obviously still recalled the damage the keg of beer I drank not long ago did to it, and was revolting against each sip I took.

"She happy over there?" he asked me a after a minute of silence where he appeared to be reflecting.

"Um ... yeah she seems to be. She and Alice have become really close," I answered.

"It was important to Kels ... that Bella was happy. She was like a sister to us..." his voice trailed off before he cleared his throat and drank the rest of his beer.

I nodded, clutching the bottle of beer in both my hands.

He shook his head with a sigh then, seeming to shrug it off, he began chatting to me again; with all mention of Bella and his sister avoided.

I kept up the pretense of drinking the beer, taking painful freaking gulps of the stuff, when Bella came to my rescue. She placed her hand on my shoulder again to lean over me and set down a basket of bread in the center of the table. As she did, her hair swept over my neck and side of my face, engulfing me with the scent of it. It was newly washed, soft and silky; if I wasn't so jetlagged it would have given me an instant erection.

"You guys done?" she asked, though it was more of a statement before she picked up Chris' empty bottle of beer while taking mine from my hand. She knew I wasn't finished, and she knew why, and I freaking loved her more than anything in my life.

Even amongst the grief she was going through, she was looking after me.

When she was gone again, I met Chris' gaze and he threw me a sly grin. It was probably the fact that my face was blazing with the sudden heat that was running through my veins, or that the goofy grin was still invading my expression. Whatever it was, I suspected he knew exactly why and he was suddenly looking very much like Jazz.

John suddenly plonked a large tray of barbequed sausages and steak before us, saving me from looking like more of a dick, and dinner began.

The mood was, for the most part, heavy. Bella was quiet for the majority of it, speaking only to answer questions about how she was liking the U.S. before going back to eating. I was asked a few more questions that I would have had absolutely no way of answering if Bella hadn't been beside me. When Brian asked me if I wanted a 'stubby', Bella _accidentally_ knocked over John's empty bottle of VB. In fact, I was offered beer five times in three different ways, so I was sure there wasn't anything else that could stump me. Then Brian asked if I wanted some 'dead horse'. Even Alice stopped eating enough to look up, completely bewildered. Bella simply picked up a bottle of ketchup and handed it to me. But I knew I definitely had a _what the fuck_ reaction that still lingered as I squirted it over my steak.

It made Bella smile

She was still here.

After dinner Carol ushered the girls away when they tried to help. It meant I was saved from suffering through another attempt of drinking my _'middy',_ when Rach came and dragged me away. Apparently Alice wanted to see Nummi's horses. I had to remember to thank the little rat. Out of the six beers given to me, I'd probably only drank one full one, but my stomach was getting queasy because of it.

Bella, Rach and Nummi went inside to retrieve their jackets before we set out, walking slowly toward the back paddocks. Bella stayed beside me and when I reached out and took her hand, she snuggled closer to my side. Releasing my hand a moment later, I wrapped my arm around her shoulders, relieved that she was no longer trembling. She looked like she was starting to loosen up at the idea of being here, and her face had rid itself of the blank expression, even if it was primarily reflecting pain. In a fucked up way I was relieved.

For whatever reason, she wasn't very comfortable in the barn around the horses. While Alice went ridiculously over the top at the sight of them, Bella tensed. When I gazed down at her, she looked pale and her face suddenly looked broken by the depths of the grief in her eyes. I led her out; she didn't protest. In fact, she seemed relieved.

"Not a horse fan?" I asked her lightly. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask her if she was okay. That would have been the most fucked up question of the century.

"I-I was always a little too uncoordinated to be around them," she answered quietly. I sensed there was more to it than that—it was something that flickered in her eyes—but I let it go. I'd wait until she was ready to open up more around me. I was just glad that she wasn't going to push me away like I had initially feared, and I wanted her to know that she could always trust me.

We walked further along the back paddock, through dry, dusty grass aimlessly. It got darker and darker until the only light came from the full moon and multitudes of stars that filled the sky. I had honestly never seen so many stars in my life. In Forks, you were lucky to see a couple depending on the cloud cover. But here ... there were millions of them.

Bella pointed out the Southern Cross; the stars that were on the Australian flag. Then instead of shoving her hand back in her pocket—like she had been—she wrapped it apprehensively around my waist.

I pulled her closer to me, tucking her under my arm; she leaned her head on my chest and sighed deeply.

"Bella?" I began gently.

She lifted her head. "Yeah?" she asked, her voice a despondent whisper.

"You're going to get through this, okay?" I promised her, tilting my head so I could see her eyes.

She averted them quickly from me, nodding hastily before she took a shaky breath.

As much as it fucked me up, I knew she needed to cry.

We came across an old timber makeshift bench beneath a humongous tree.

Taking both her hands in mine, I sat her down on it before me. She just peered up at me, a pleading in her endless eyes, which cut straight into my heart. I squeezed her hands.

"I promise ... I will get you through this," I repeated, hoping that I was reflecting everything that she meant to me in those few words.

She only nodded again as her eyes continued to canvass mine. Then slowly they filled with big fat tears that spilled silently down her cheeks.

"It's okay to cry, baby," I whispered tenderly to her, and her face completely crumbled.

She pulled her hands from my grasp, covered her face and sobbed. It was such a raw, heartbreaking sound that it didn't fill me with anger like it normally would; it filled me with resolve. A resolve that I would do whatever it took to get her past this. Every day I would give her reasons to smile again, and I'd keep her distracted so she wouldn't drown in this.

I sat beside her on the bench and pulled her into my arms. She continued to shield her face from me as she cried, but as I soothed her, running my fingers through her hair, she slowly relented, wrapping her arms tightly around me.

"Edward?" she asked after a while, her voice compromised by her tears and barely audible.

I pressed my lips on top of her head and murmured the questioning reply softly.

She lifted her head and looked at me. Her face was blotchy and tear streaked and her eyes ... they were too incredibly fathomless. She attempted to speak, but stopped herself as tears welled in her eyes again.

"What is it, honey?" I encouraged her.

"Thank you—for coming. It means ... so much to me," she managed finally before her voice choked over.

I smiled at her tenderly, placing my palm to her cheek, wiping her tears away gently with my thumb.

"Try and keep me away, Bella. I'm not going anywhere," I replied softly, with stubborn conviction.

She just stared back at me; her expression—her eyes—were unreadable. Then she did something that completely surprised me. She climbed onto my lap awkwardly, wrapped her arms tightly around my neck, and buried her face fully against my skin. She had actually curled herself up, molding herself against me, in such a vulnerable, trusting position, but all my body did was awaken immediately, and in moments my skin was prickling with heat. I wanted to absolutely fucking groan aloud; it wasn't about me being a horny bastard. It was about her, but I couldn't stop my body from reacting to her.

Her warm shuddering breath blew against my skin, while I concentrated on keeping my erection at a civilized level. I rubbed her back, up and down slowly and with just the tips of my fingers until she grew almost still in my arms.

It was then that she began curling her fingers through my hair, while her lips, or the tip of her nose—I wasn't sure which—began trailing, only fractionally, against my neck. She seemed to barely graze me, yet making my skin buzz from the contact. She paused, then, and pressed her lips deliberately to my skin just below my ear. With a final burst of heat, I sprang to life to the tight confines of my jeans.

She sat back, sitting flush on top of me, continuing to gaze at me, while her hands searched for mine. I had no idea what she wanted, what she was feeling, but in the moonlight, beneath the stars overhead, she looked so fucking desirable.

She didn't say a word; she just sat above my raging hard on, blinking slowly. I had to remind myself continuously, over and over, that she was in pain. I could in no way relate what she was doing in anyway physical—despite the fact that my boner was trying to convince me otherwise. She needed the contact from me; she needed the security, but as usual, I was torn right down the middle.

Then she released her hand from mine and trailed her finger along my jaw, watching intently as she did. I could feel the heat beneath my skin follow her touch; it was becoming torture. Her eyes flickered to mine again and what seemed like a subconscious act, she moistened her lips.

Something snapped deep within me. Without leaving a single moment to contemplate it, and in one motion, I cupped her face with both my hands and dragged her lips to mine. My initial instinct was that she'd immediately pull away and slap me, but she didn't, in fact far from it. She responded to me passionately—heatedly.

My hands remained cupped to her face, when I suddenly became aware that she was pulling them down. When I released them, she immediately wrapped her arms tightly around my neck, kissing me with greater depths until I was tasting the sickly sweet flavor of _'dead horse.'_ I reacted to it again without thought; kissing her more headedly, and pressing her small little body flat against mine. Each time I kissed her more deeply, brought her more closely, she didn't protest; she didn't pull away. Instead she completely surrendered to me, yielding to me, as she merged her mouth to mine.

After a while, as every pore of my skin was burning to a cold chill, with my erection throbbing from pain just as much as longing, Bella began to tremble. Her mouth began to close to mine, the pressure of her lips softening. She brought her hand to touch my cheek before finally she pulled back. It was then that I noticed her face was wet, streaked again with tears. She'd been crying; she'd been kissing me with so much depth and feeling when all along she'd been crying. It was enough to cool my skin and deflate my erection in that instant.

She gently rested her forehead against mine as her eyes closed. "Edward?" she whispered, her voice completely broken.

I got up from the bench, gently setting her on her feet as I rose to mine before I pulled her against my chest, enfolding her in my arms.

She immediately clung to me. "I'm going to need you, Edward," she spoke in a fractured whisper, her chest heaving one last time and shuddering before she buried her face into me.

"I'll be right here, Bella."

* * *

**A/N: Well isn't he just completely gorge? I kind of think he might be a little too sweet. IDK…**


	30. Hard to Breathe

**A/N: Bella struggling to deal with it all.**

* * *

**Chapter 30**

**Hard To Breathe**

**Bella's POV**

During the first couple of months of being in the U.S, I would wake in the morning with an engulfing panic that leaving Australia and moving to Uncle Billy's had all been a dream. For those first few moments before the shroud of sleep lifted, I was convinced that when I opened my eyes I'd find myself in my old bedroom, at my mother's house; having never left at all. Of course, before I was able to talk myself completely into it, the sound of the rain would ease my fears well before Chad's smiling face was able to completely put my mind at rest.

Today was the first time I came close to actually believing it.

As I stirred, slowly becoming aware of my surroundings, the only sounds I heard were the combination of kookaburras, magpies and cockatoos. It took less than a moment later to realise the very obvious _lack _of rain before I was instantly wide-awake. Inhaling sharply, I bolted upright in bed as my heart hammered violently with a sudden crushing panic.

I gripped at my chest as my eyes scanned the room hastily, immediately realising I was in Nummi's room. It was only a moment later that I was reminded of the reason why, as the panic in my heart was replaced by the now all too familiar ache.

I _was_ in Australia. I'd come back for Kel's funeral.

Taking a jaggered breath, I dropped my head in my hands trying to somehow clear a path through the cataclysm that had become my life so I could make it through another day.

I turned to check the time, knowing the appearance of the sun meant nothing; it could still be five in the morning.

Nummi's ipod dock read 6:15am.

Nummi and Alice were still out cold, but Rach was half sitting up in the foldout bed squinting over at me with a mixture of concern and resignation furrowing her brow. A moment later she smiled at me affectionately.

"Still like rising at the crack of dawn, I see, Bells," she croaked out, still drunk from sleep.

I shrugged while my sheepish grin was half cut off by a shuddering yawn.

It was never that I liked to wake early; rather living with Renee had ensured that I'd never been a heavy sleeper. I woke easily and often throughout the night.

Rach suddenly shivered and jumped from her makeshift bed to mine. Climbing under the covers, she snuggled into me for warmth before pulling me back against the pillows with her.

"Aren't you cold?" she asked surprised.

"Nope," I answered simply.

"So, Bells..." she began a moment later, with a sly, teasing tone. I turned to gaze at her; she was smirking at me broadly, "about Edward..."

"What about him?" I asked with a good-natured sigh.

"I kinda find it strange that not _once_ in all those emails you sent, whinging about how much he bugged you, did you mention how much of a spunk he is." She raised her brow, her smirk growing all knowing.

I immediately felt my cheeks burn. "What difference, does that make?"

She scoffed. "It's the difference between whether you secretly liked it or not. I'm guessing you did—Christ, I would have!"

"Are you cracking on to my boyfriend?" I teased her gently, but it was all I could do to not start grinning like a moron at the mention of Edward. There wasn't a single shred of doubt where he was concerned any more, but there was a whole lot of _everything else_.

Rach made a mocking display of shock by sucking in her breath and blinking her eyes. "Boyfriend? Bells—did you just say the _"b"_ word?"

I nudged her playfully. "Leave me alone."

"So..." she began, pausing to clear her throat rather suggestively, "have you let him cop a feel yet?"

My face suddenly burst into flames at the very idea of it, and of course, Rach took it as validation.

"Bells—you hussy!"

"Sssh—and no I haven't ... he hasn't ... I..." I stammered awkwardly, sealing my guilt the longer I stumbled over the words. My mind drifted to Edward and me the night before in the back paddock, and I immediately felt another surge of heat burn my face. If I was being brutally honest, he kind of did _cop a feel_. During the heated, impulsiveness that was our kissing, I recalled at some point dragging his hands from about my face. And as he moved them to wrap around my back, one of his hands first ran down my side and over—

"Mmm-hmm," Rach drawled, returning me to the present moment, while my face blazed more brazenly.

"Shut up," I mumbled with the beginnings of a guilty grin tugging at my lips.

She drew her breath, mocking me further. "My dear Isabella, are you—_blushing_?"

I rubbed my forehead in a vain attempt to conceal it, as Rach broke into a soft chuckle. "Seriously, Bells, I'm happy for ya, and he has got it _seriously_ bad for you."

"Yeah..." I murmured abashedly, sighing a little too wistfully. I let my thoughts linger on Edward for a while longer, before Rach groaned jokingly.

"Okay, keep it clean, girl—sheesh!"

I whacked her playfully, but I could talk about Edward all morning. At the moment it was _only_ the fact that his smile made my knees go completely weak that kept me from falling into the abyss of pain that losing Kel had created within me.

"About Alice," Rach added, dropping her voice to an audible whisper, "I totally love her, but bloody hell—talk about _hypo_."

I laughed gently, turning to glance over at Alice again with growing affection. She was lying spread-eagled on top of the blow up bed and covers, clutching a teddy bear that held a picture of Jazz in its belly.

"She's been such a godsend, Rach. She befriended me on my first day and has been there ever since," I confessed quietly, feeling the burning of emotion build in my throat. I hated to think what I would have done without her—without Edward.

Rach sighed deeply, suddenly looking at me in a rare display of vulnerability. Rach was always _a suck it up_, kind of person. I depended on it a lot during my pre-Forks days; her strength kept me on my feet. So now, when she looked so defeated, it threw me.

"What is it, Rach?" I asked her.

Her eyes flooded with guilt before it etched in her forehead. "You know it wasn't that we didn't want you to stay—you know that, don't you, Bells?"

I wrapped my arms around her tightly. "Of course I do. If it wasn't for you guys..." I paused deliberately, inhaling past the lump forming in my throat so I could continue, "she would have killed me."

Alice was suddenly stirring, distracting Rach from her reply.

"What are you two _lesos_ doing?" She sat up groggily, teasing us lightly.

"Bloody hell, girl, did Bella test you on this ocker bullshit?" Rach chuckled, before jumping from my bed over to Nummi, where she shook her awake.

As soon as the warmth of Rach's body left me, I was left once again with the suffocating pain of my kel's death. It was so debilitating on my senses that I felt like I was walking around in constant shock. I craved the contact and the distraction—something to take away the burden of guilt that was ripping me apart from the inside out.

**...**

Edward must have been listening for us as we approached his room, because almost exactly as we were passing the door he emerged from behind it. He was dressed, but he looked dishevelled and his hair was all askew—even more than it usually was.

He immediately sought me out and when our eyes met, he flashed that smile of his, and for the barest minimum, the pain in my heart lessened.

"Good morning, girls," he spoke with a small smile, before draping his arm over my shoulder as we made our way into the kitchen for breakfast.

Rach and Nummi replied to him brightly; Alice scrutinised his clothes and snorted.

He rolled his eyed then pulled away from me a little, bending down to speak to me; almost caressing my ear with his lips. "How'd you sleep?"

"Okay. You?" I replied simply.

"Hmm ... well, I'd sleep better if those squawking birds didn't wake me up at five o'clock. What the hell are they?" he asked lightly, breaking into a small smile.

I smiled warmly up at him, needing to break his gaze. He would stare at me so intently; it was a little too much for me sometimes. He had a gaze that looked like he was contemplating the contents of your soul.

I cleared my throat before I answered him. "Umm ... cockatoos you mean?"

When he didn't reply, I glanced quickly up at him; he was doing the smile he did when he found me amusing. I nudged him.

He chuckled softly. "What did I do?"

"You know exactly what you're doing. Just remember, _you're_ the strange one now."

He squeezed me closer to him and then bent his head down to my ear again, "I can understand Alice being strange, but I think I fit in well."

I exhaled past my widening grin, just as I felt his lips press gently to my temple.

With Edward with me, I found myself able to escape this nightmare, even if it was just for a few moments. His presence allowed me to breathe again.

Carol had breakfast ready and waiting for us when we entered the kitchen. She was frying bacon and eggs to add to the spread.

I sat down at the table and grabbed two pieces of toast. I wasn't much of a big breakfast eater, and was looking forward to finally having Vegemite again. I hadn't eaten it since being in the U.S; it wasn't available in the local Forks or Port Angeles supermarkets.

"Edward, Alice, what would you two like for brekkie?" Carol asked them as I scraped the butter noisily over my toast.

"Erm ... I'll just have toast," Edward answered politely, reaching over to grab a couple of slices, his grin appearing again despite the fact that I hadn't spoken a word. "I'm curious about this Vegemite stuff."

"Oh me too!" Alice piped up with enthusiasm.

Rach groaned in full amusement. "Bells, if they insist on eating it, at least spread it for them. Remember that exchange student that stayed a month at Kel's; he spread the stuff two inches thick and without butter."

The soft laughter escaped me before I was aware of it. Kel had been in tears telling us the story that day in school. I remembered it so intently; it was one of the few times where she didn't have to bend over backwards trying to cheer me up.

But just as quickly as the laughter filled the room it went silent. Rach cleared her throat and looked away, while Nummi fought to prevent the tears brimming in her eyes from overflowing. I only dropped my head, feeling no tears, only the ache that was tangled around my heart, tighten—with guilt.

Carol came to the back of my chair and placed her hands on my shoulders, squeezing them gently. "Come on, girls," she began, her tone tender, "you're allowed to laugh at the good times. Kel isn't gone; not really."

Rach and Nummi went back to fixing their breakfast, their expressions sombre, but I couldn't move. The invisible fist gripping my heart was taking control, and I was suddenly finding it hard to breathe past it. It was crippling, reminding me over and over that Kel was gone and I'd let her die without being beside her.

Carol kept her hands on my shoulders; I hadn't realised. She squeezed them again.

"Bella? Are you going to spread some Vegemite for Edward? Or are you going to let him burn that handsome mouth of his?"

I glanced over at him and caught the soft, tenderness of his gaze. He smiled at me warmly, almost sadly.

I didn't want him to be sad for me. It wasn't me they should have been sad for, and it would have made me feel a damn sight better if he—and everyone else—just told me what I deserved to hear. That I was a selfish brat for hiding away while Kel was so sick.

With a deep breath, in an attempt to push away the ache for just a few minutes relief, I reached over and took Edward's plate. He continued to smile at me tenderly. I smiled back, knowing if I could just focus on him instead I might just get through this.

I spread his toast with butter, followed by a thin layer of Vegemite. It wasn't the sort of thing that could be eaten two inches thick—even if you were reared on it.

I slid the plate back to him and went back to munching on my own toast, keeping an observant eye on him.

"_BLEGH!_" Alice suddenly blurted in disgust. "Oh my God! How do you eat this gunk—Bella?"

I laughed, but since I was still chewing, it came out muffled through my nose.

"It's an acquired taste," Carol confessed.

I turned back to Edward. He had just been about to take a bite of his toast before Alice's outburst. Now he was pausing, suddenly looking uncertain.

He met my eyes, I smiled at him—probably the same way he smiled at me whenever I said something bogan. I couldn't help it; he looked like he was about to eat a spider.

Flashing me a courageous grin, he seemed to shrug to himself then took a generous bite. After about the third chew, though, his face went blank and he blinked, looking like he was going to close his eyes and groan. He swallowed heavily and with what looked like effort, his expression all but a grimace.

With nothing but a small, amused smile, Carol took Edward's plate away. "We have some jam if you'd like, Edward."

"Thank-you," he replied with a constricted throat, his tone relieved.

I continued to chuckle, smothering it behind my toast, glad for Edward's presence with all my heart.

"Jesus, Bella, I hate to agree with Alice, but how _can_ you eat that?" he asked me incredulously.

I opened my mouth to reply when Rach intercepted me, "You have to have it shoved on your dummy at birth."

Feeling suddenly bitter, I almost scoffed, wondering exactly how _I had _become fond of the stuff. I doubted Renee would have taken the time—or the effort—to put anything on my dummy. But then, I doubted that I would have even had one.

Edward grinned at her and chuckled softly, but when he turned back to me, his forehead was piqued in confusion. He tilted his head closer to mine and asked quietly, "What the hell is a dummy?"

I felt the warmth of my smile instantly before I was aware of it, by the sheer bewilderment on his face. It completely dissolved my agitation, and I wondered whether he was playing dumb deliberately just to get this reaction out of me. "Pacifier."

Grinning and shaking his head slightly to himself, he took a bite into the Jam toast Carol had spread for him. With his free hand he squeezed my leg beneath the table.

I reached down and clutched it, holding on to it as though it was my lifeline.

**...**

Just before breakfast was finished we got to meet Mick, Nummi's boyfriend. He entered through the back door and she jumped up from the breakfast table to welcome him, her expression immediately brightening.

He was handsome with an easy-going friendly face that reminded me of Jacob. And from the way that he was looking at Nummi, it was clear that he was smitten by her. He also took to Edward really well. The two of them chatted easily at the table for a while before Mick took him outside, though Edward was almost reluctant. I had to practically push him through the door.

Afterwards, we hung around in Nummi's room, chatting while Alice disappeared outside to talk to Jazz on her mobile. It was strained though. After bringing up Kel at breakfast, the mood around us was despondent. Nummi curled herself up on her bed, hugging her pillow, while Rach flicked through songs on the ipod dock impatiently, her expression clouded.

I glanced around the room, my eyes falling on bits and pieces of Nummi's furniture that all had a memory attached to it. It was then that I recalled the last memory I'd had there. It was in this room, several months earlier, where Kel convinced me to leave. Just a few months previously it was just the four of us. No Alice, no Edward; just me, Kel, Nummi and Rach.

I got up from the bed and walked over to the window. As I glanced out, I felt a pang in my heart that it was another sunny day with a clear blue sky. There wasn't even a whisper of the storm clouds on the horizon that I had grown to love.

I missed Forks.

As I stood brooding over the weather and watching Alice having an animated conversation on her phone, Kel's mum pulled up in the driveway. My breath immediately caught; my chest clenching. Just seeing her yesterday felt like I'd had a hot iron pierced through my heart. I wasn't able to look at her and properly meet her eyes. I couldn't let her see the absolute shame that I felt.

Nummi heard the car and came to investigate. She put her arm over my shoulder and shrugged dolefully. "Her and mum are picking out some pics for Kel's funeral, I think."

I sighed and closed my eyes, not wanting to hear it even mentioned. The very notion of being at Kel's funeral—burying her, felt like it would burn a hole straight through my chest.

I held my breath and attempted to hold back another, seemingly endless wave of grief. It was getting harder and harder to do, but I feared to surrender to it; to completely surrender. I didn't know how I'd make it back if I did.

"Okay, moles, I say we go looking for Bells' Yankee boy," Rach said, jumping to her feet from her position on top of her fold out bed. "God knows what they're doing to the poor bastard, and," she paused, a small smirk forming on her lips, "he hasn't got a translator."

My thoughts gladly returned to Edward, and when I checked the clock, I realised he'd been gone for almost two hours. I was suddenly curious too and I was craving his company. I needed one of those puzzled, amused smiles of his just then; I needed the warmth of his skin against me; I just needed him to take this all away...

We walked right down to the rear of the property where the shearing sheds were, after Nummi mentioned that John and Brian had gone there earlier that morning.

The smell of the farm brought back so many memories for me, not all of them horrible. I remembered during the shearing season one year how the four of us girls were hired as rouseabouts. It used to take two of us together to lift a fleece, and at the end of the day we'd practically fall unconscious before we reached our beds; we'd been so worn out. Since we'd started at dawn each morning, I'd stayed with Nummi's family for the week. It was one of my few childhood memories I could look back on with fondness. Even the stinking hot sheds that we'd spent most of the days in. But still, after I had got back to Renee's, she'd beaten me until I handed over the money Brian had paid me for my week's work.

Nummi wrapped her arm around me suddenly and pressed her fingers gently to my forehead. My face had become so knotted that my head began to ache with it. It didn't seem to matter what memories I had of Australia; they all ended in misery, because they all included Renee.

From the sounds coming from the sheds as we got closer, it seemed that whatever the boys were doing in there, they were enjoying themselves. When I stepped inside and my eyes adjusted to the light, it took me a few moments to realise that the bare-chested guy bent over the sheep, with the sheers in hand, wearing the _'roughrider'_ akubra hat, literally _covered _in sweat, was Edward. I immediately pulled up short, my breath hitching then completely stalling in the back of my throat.

_Bloody hell!_

"Yowza!" Rach leaned in to me and whispered, but I think I was in too much of a stupor to fully register it.

With a smirk, John motioned with his eyes to Edward that we were there. He turned his head, instantly met my gaze and grinned broadly. It was right about this time that if someone had a feather I would have gone over backwards. His eyes were bright from the effort he'd exhausted and every single one of his muscles were taut and bulging as he held the sheep to him, one armed.

I released my breath and smiled back at him, then was forced to look away. A rather huge wave of heat was suddenly on a collision course with my face, not to mention the pull that had begun in the pit of my stomach.

"He's a bit of a natural, your young fella, love," Brian said to me with a genuine smile.

I nodded, feeling the heat eventually circulate to my cheeks. I bit my bottom lip self-consciously, as if they all knew what my mind had been invoking, and turned back to Edward. Mick was wrangling the sheep awkwardly from his grip so he could continue shearing it. Edward stepped clear, before he put his hands on his hips and took a deep breath.

"Wow," he said in appreciation, then took his hat off and handed it back to Brian.

"Keep it, mate. It's a good fit on you."

With delighted appreciation, Edward put it back over his damp mop of hair, before he went to retrieve his t-shirt. He hung with the guys, joking around with them for a moment longer, before they shook his hand, and slapped his back—the usual guy things. Then Edward dried his face with his shirt, and I think I began swaying.

I needed to compose myself. Edward was about to make his way over to us and I didn't want him to see how the sight of him half naked had made my thoughts turn bloody carnal.

"Do you need a moment, Bells?" Rach teased me slyly.

My face flooded. "Ssssh!"

She chuckled, and stepped away as Edward came and stood beside me. "Jesus, I'm gonna be sore tomorrow."

"Maybe if you ask nicely, Bells will give you a massage," Rach added with feigned innocence.

I suppressed the urge to groan out loud, instead reaching up to rub the knot I could feel forming on my forehead again.

Edward smiled, it was awkward though and beneath the hat, his ears were tinged. He went to run his fingers through his hair—I presumed—when he realised he was still wearing his _akubra_. Taking it off, he plonked it on top of my head, grinning down at me. Then, slinging his arm over my shoulder, he leaned down to me, and pressed me slightly against his, still very damp, body. The heat he was radiating enveloped me in an instant, tingling warmth.

"I'm _buggered_," he whispered to me.

I immediately smiled, nudging him with my shoulder. He'd managed to get the accent right this time; usually he over extended the "r"s.

"Do you want a drink?" I asked him. I just wanted to melt into him and wrap my arms around his naked back.

"I was offered a long neck? Another beer I'm guessing?" He chuckled gently.

I nodded and laughed softly along with him before I untangled myself from his arm and grabbed his hand. "Well I don't think there's any _Dr Peppers, _but I'm sure we can find you something."

I led him out of the shed and back toward the house. He stopped me to throw his crumpled shirt back over his head, putting his arm around my shoulders before we began walking again.

His damp body was filled with the rustic smell of the shearing shed, and mingled with it was the trace scent of his aftershave and deodorant. Altogether it made me feel slightly dizzy. I sighed and relaxed into him. I used to think there was nothing grosser than the sweaty shearers working away in the sheds, but at that moment I wouldn't have preferred him any other way.

I reached up and put the Akubra hat back on his head. He grinned and before he could turn the full force of that smile on me, I snuggled back against his chest.

"Goodness!" Carol exclaimed as we entered through the back sliding door into the kitchen. "What did they make you do, Edward?"

"Shear a sheep," he confessed.

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "They didn't—oh I like that hat on you. It suits you!"

She went to the fridge, pulled out a jug of home-made lemonade, and poured him a glass. He took it with polite thanks and sat down at the breakfast table to drink it.

I was suddenly conscious that Kel's mum had been there, and I found myself cautiously glancing around to see if she still was. I loved her immensely; she was the closest thing I had to a mother growing up as a kid. It was the reason I felt too ashamed to see her. For her to know that I didn't come back after Kel's accident, after everything they had done for me...

"He's buggered," Carol said quietly to me, immediately distracting me.

I broke into a warm, afflicted smile and turned to glance at Edward. He was gulping down the drink, his hand slightly shaking.

I felt suddenly overloaded with emotion, and knowing that Edward was the reason I was able to deal with it all, made it burn to the surface. My eyes quietly filled with tears.

"He is," I eventually agreed, my voice breaking softly.

Carol put her arm tenderly around me and squeezed. "Would you like something to drink too, sweetheart?"

I nodded and swallowed hastily passed my tears, turning away from Edward. I could feel his eyes burning through me, but I couldn't meet his gaze.

He'd lost his father at a young age and he'd come close to losing his sister, and unlike me, he'd been there for them. Whether it was hard to bear or witness, he was still there. Alice had told me how much school he'd missed to be with her every day; to keep her spirits up and make her laugh; to hold her hand when she was in pain. Edward could relate to the grief I was feeling, but not my actions. I didn't deserve the tenderness that shone for me behind his eyes. It didn't change the fact that I needed him as much as the air that I breathed, and as he wiped my tears and consoled me with gentle words he made my shame and guilt fade; releasing me from the burden of it. Never seeing, never accepting that I deserved to drown under it.

Nummi and Rach walked through the back door a moment later, their gazes immediately zeroing in on me in synced concern.

"Bells...?" Rach asked, turning to glance at Edward before back to me. "You okay?"

"She's okay," Carol spoke up before I could answer, squeezing me again affectionately, before ushering me over to the table next to Edward, placing a glass of juice in front of me.

Under the table, Edward placed his hand on my leg, his thumb caressing my knee delicately. I dropped my hand to grab it and sighed deeply as the reins around my heart pulled tight. Eventually, apprehensively, I looked up and met his gaze. He smiled, again seeing no fault in me, seeing only my pain as his smile turned almost sad in its warmth. His eyes continued to validate the promise he'd made to me the night before. I clung to it, desperately—selfishly, knowing that with his support I could somehow reach the end of this nightmare.

Without it…

* * *

**A/N: Yeah...**


	31. Photographs

**A/N: Go easy on Bella…**

* * *

**Chapter 31**

**Photographs**

**Bella's POV**

"Where's Alice?" Nummi inquired, her brow creasing a little.

"Oh, her and Jazz's phone calls can reach epic proportions," Edward spoke up with a small smirk.

"I think I heard her come back in a few minutes ago," Carol added, just as Alice appeared in the doorway.

"Did I miss anything?" she asked brightly.

"Just your brother playing jackaroo." Carol chuckled.

Alice gazed over at Edward and raised an eyebrow dubiously before her eyes rested on me and—like Nummi and Rach—her expression fell with concern.

I sighed inwardly.

Edward went to have a shower, appearing twenty minutes later, his mop of hair damp and unruly.

Alice had been telling Rach and Nummi about Jazz, Emmett and Rose while I sat content just to listen. It made me realise that the only thing that would untangle me from this agony was that I could return home to Forks; the one place that had ever truly felt like my home. It was Kel who made me realise that my place in this world wasn't with her but with my father's family. She was selfless to the end; protecting me to the end; putting her feelings aside to see me happy—to the very end.

When Edward rejoined us, we went back outside to watch Alice ride one of Nummi's horses; something Nummi had promised her the night before. But before we left the patio, Carol called us back in.

"Kel's mum left some albums here for you girls to look at when you were ready. I'm about to make a pot of tea, so if you want to settle down and go through them, they're in the lounge room."

There was a reluctance behind Rach and Nummi's expressions. A reluctance at the inevitable pain that seeing them would cause. It was a pain that I was instinctively recoiling from but knew it was something I had to do. We all had to get passed that final hurdle of acceptance that she was gone and never returning. It was something I had to realise, especially since I was the only one absent when she died.

The moment Rach turned the first yellowing page of the photo album, the stranglehold of guilt that I was suffering with temporarily gave way to undeniable heartbreak.

Every picture showed Kel young, beautiful and vibrant, smiling for the camera and loving life to its fullest; from newborn baby pictures of her to the final picture of her. It was one I hadn't seen before; her year eleven school photo. In it she was smiling, oblivious that her life was about to be cut short.

In almost every photo of her there appeared a doe eyed girl, expression downcast despite the smile that sometimes occurred on her face. Messy, wild hair, dirty clothes and with bruises appearing intermittently; this girl was always there.

I found myself staring at her, knowing she was me, but not altogether recognising her _as_ such. But there I was, a pivotal part of Kel's life, of Kel's family, haunting the outskirts and tainting it with my miserable existence.

In one photo I appeared beside Kel, holding a teddy bear with a beaming, proud expression almost camouflaging the bruise that discoloured my forehead.

The noose of pain around my heart squeezed. I gasped a little, tears blurring the picture into waves. I remembered it so clearly. It was a few days before Christmas and while Renee was at work, the postman had delivered a package addressed to me from The General. I had been so excited that I'd run all the way to Kel's, wanting to share opening it with her. Kel had been so happy for me, she insisted that her mother come and take a photo of me and ... _Edward _the bear.

I closed my eyes as silent tears slipped beneath my lashes, running the length of my face, before they quietly fell to my chest where the pain burning within it intensified.

A hand caught mine and held tightly to it, but I barely registered it. Even when Nummi, openly crying, wrapped her arm around me, I felt nothing but the crushing pain; its potency immune to her touch.

Rach turned page after page of Kel's life before us. She and Nummi laughed openly and fondly through their tears at certain pictures, but I remained locked within the consuming anguish and guilt of her death.

Here, between these pages was the proof that I was a part of Kel's family, taken under wing by all of them. Protected when my mother could have killed me; fed when she didn't buy food for me; clothed when I tore through the rags I was dressed in; loved when the one I craved it from most denied it from me. And when they needed support in return, I had stayed selfishly away. Caught up in the drama of whether the boy I sat next to in Biology class had kissed some girl at a party. Even when his accident impressed the dire nature of Kel's predicament, I was selfishly unmoved; again concerned only that I was the subject of gossip at school.

Kel was the very reason I had those ridiculous bloody dramas. Kel was the reason I'd moved to Forks; the reason I'd reconnected with Uncle Billy and Jacob and met Edward and Alice. And once there I'd turned my back on her. She'd saved my life, literally, and I'd deliberately left her in the past and out of my life.

I ran my hand through my hair, my fingers rigid, my breathing tight and arduous.

How could I have left her to die without me?

The guilt began shredding the fabric of my soul to pieces. Tearing open the hole in my chest, to endure alone the horrible reality that now stood before me; because Kel was gone. Never to appear at my bedroom window, take me by the hand and lead me home again.

She was gone.

The hand gripping mine released and I was pulled against a warm body, encircled in an equally warm embrace. I looked up and met Edward's gaze through the tears that blurred my vision. For the first time that I had known him, the sight of his all-consuming gaze made my heart freeze.

He was staring down at me with a flood of emotions sparking through his eyes, his forehead knotting it further into emphasis. I only stared back, feeling a cold dread run through my veins as I realised the reasoning behind the painfully disturbed and suddenly angry expression that was starting to encompass his face.

He had witnessed my past in the photo albums.

He'd seen the childhood that I had left behind, never intending to ever relive. He'd seen the unloved, battered pitiful state that I was, and the bruises that had littered my skin-and-boned body. These pictures had left me exposed and vulnerable; my past laid out for him to see. As he gazed into my eyes with shock turning the hue of his iris dark, he was seeing directly into my soul. He now knew the full extent of my past, my wretched sordid life which I had never, _ever _intended for him to know. The girl I had left behind had finally caught up with me.

And now, Edward Cullen knew it all.

He continued to gaze down at me, his eyebrows coming together as his forehead creased even deeper with unfathomable pain and confusion. I looked away with a sudden panic coming over me.

Edward knew.

His gaze seemed to draw back to the pictures and as he absorbed the images there, his brow furrowed deeper, before it gave way to the anger that was blazing behind his eyes. I looked at the picture that had grabbed his attention. It was one of the four of us when we were about nine years old. We were sitting on the perimeter fence to Kel's family's property. Kel had her arm draped over my shoulder, and her, Rach and Nummi were all smiling broadly for the camera, while I was staring blankly at my hands that were clasped between my knees. My hair was falling in my face and over my shoulders, almost disguising the fact that my arm held a long welt; clear even in the photo of the four of us in full length.

My mother had beaten me with a riding crop the day before.

When Edward turned back to me, his eyes were glistening beneath his drawn brow. He was suddenly appearing very volatile.

"Bella..." he whispered, his voice completely stricken.

He knew too much. It wasn't something that I could keep buried within me anymore. Alice and Edward were the only ones that were untouched by my previous life, and I had wanted it to remain that way. I wanted to have a life where Renee's contamination couldn't touch me.

My heart was beginning to accelerate with more and more panic. I looked up again at Edward; his eyes were canvassing the pictures as even more anger and _pity_ flooded his expression. He was never going to see me the same way again! I was now forever the girl from those photographs to him.

Damn it! Why had I allowed him and Alice to come?

I pulled from him, roughly, in my haste to get out of there.

Pushing open the screen door, I let it swing back with a loud _bang, _before running helplessly down the long dirt driveway. I stopped only when I was out of breath, realising that my lung capacity had long been compromised by the presence of my tears.

Edward and Alice seeing those pictures of me—it was inconceivable. More than that, them seeing how important I was in Kel's life, and knowing that when she was sick and dying I had remained in Forks, too busy worrying about my own survival; it was incomprehensible!

I leaned myself over the log fence, trying to rein in the swell of sobs, to take an even breath; to numb the raging pain that had torn a gaping hole straight through my heart.

A moment later I sank to the ground, pulling my knees to my chest, having surrendered myself to the tears and the sheer wretched, hopelessness I felt.

It wasn't long before I heard footsteps scraping along the gravel, drawing closer to me. A moment later Nummi sat herself beside me and gently wrapped her arm over my shoulder, pulling me against her.

I just shook my head, not wanting her to leave, but because I had no words to express myself. No words that could undo what I did to Kel, and no words to express the sheer heartbreak and pain I felt because of it.

She was gone. Gone, and it was all too late now to make things right.

"I can't ... I can't..." I sobbed, the tears spilling freely and adding to the pressure clenching around my heart. The pain was unendurable.

Nummi sighed, deeply, helplessly and nodded her head in resignation. She kissed the side of my forehead gently, releasing her breath again, her voice wavering with it.

"They weren't—he wasn't ... supposed to see—to know!" I raised my voice, more coherent this time as my chest heaved with a new influx of pain.

Edward seeing! Edward _knowing_!

"Hey," she began softly, with a gentle sternness, "you have no idea how angry Edward is, inside now. He's a good bloke, Bells, and Alice too. Don't shut them out."

"He should be angry at _me_!" I yelled out in wretched frustration. I looked up from Nummi's shoulder and shook my head again, at my own deplorable, selfish stupidity. "How can any of you even look at me? After what I did to her—how?"

Her brow creased in confusion before she shook her head a little. "Bella"—she never called me _Bella_; to Nummi I had always been Bells from day one—"you being here again wouldn't have saved her." Her voice broke a fraction before she stubbornly pushed it aside and continued. "After you left, Kel said to all of us that under no circumstance were we to make you come back. You were free Bells and none of us—her especially—wanted you back here."

As much as I desperately, selfishly craved it, I found no comfort in her words, because it wasn't under just any circumstance that I stayed away. I _should _have caught the first plane out to be by her side. She'd saved my life enough times that I should have put my bullshit with my mother behind me to be with her.

Even if it was just to say goodbye.

"She was _dying,_ Nummi," I whispered. My forehead was aching as it pushed more tears to the surface, but I refused to cry any more. As much as the release of tears gave me some peace, I didn't deserve it.

I didn't deserve self-pity, and I sure as hell didn't deserve Edward's.

"Bells ..." she broke off and huffed, becoming frustrated, "don't do this to yourself. What happened to Kel..." she abandoned the sentence and just gazed at me with a pleading behind her eyes.

I didn't want to hurt her, or cause her more pain, but I knew I didn't deserve the allowances they were all giving me.

"I used to dream of her, Nummi," I admitted ashamedly. "I knew deep down she wasn't going to make it, and I wouldn't accept it. I didn't want to come back here." I broke my gaze from hers and dropped my head, letting my eyes rest on the ground. "I so badly want to see her just one more time, but I can't—and it's no more than I deserve."

"Bella—bloody hell! Do you think she would want you beating yourself up like this?" Her frustration was turning to anger. She turned away from me and shook her head to herself. "You have _always_ blamed yourself for everything." It was rare when Nummi was actually angry with me, but I still would have preferred it—anything to ease the pain of this guilt.

"I _know _she wouldn't, but that just makes it worse—it makes me _feel_ worse!" I Exclaimed. I took a shaky, wavering breath. The grief, the pain, the guilt—all of it was beginning to inundate me. I feared fully releasing it.

She sighed again, taking a giant breath in and expelling her frustration out with it. Her bottom lip began to quiver delicately; she opened her mouth to reply, but quickly shut it again. In the end, she merely nodded in understanding.

I rubbed at the pressure in my forehead, wanting a release from this pain so desperately.

"It's killing me, Nummi," I whispered as the first remnants of emotion slipped through, compromising my voice.

She stood abruptly, pulling me to my feet with her. "Come on."

She began leading me back towards the house, but I immediately felt myself tense, resisting. "Nummi, please. I can't ... face them yet."

"Bells, if I don't take you in now Edward's gonna come out here. Don't shut him out, okay? He has some _serious_ feelings for you. Besides, the person he knows isn't the girl in the photos anymore." She turned back and smiled at me earnestly, sincerely.

"I didn't want him to know that girl—or Alice," I admitted, huffing brashly. I felt my face cloud at the idea of Renee in any way contaminating my life now, as a newly forgotten anger rose slowly to the surface; pushing all emotion back.

"Bells, sooner or later you have to let people in enough to know your past. Alice and Edward are great. They came here to support you—they obviously know you have a negative history here. You can't run from it. You can't pretend it never happened." She pulled me closer to her, then slung her arm over my shoulder and squeezed me gently.

I smiled at her warmly, sighing deeply, begrudgingly. "Yeah, you're right, Num," I mumbled.

"You okay to hang with Edward and Alice, or do you want to hang out in my room for a bit?" she asked me, with the same undiluted concern.

If I knew one thing, it was that what I lacked in parents, I made up for in friends. Nummi, Rach and Kel, and now Edward and Alice; though with Edward, the friendship we shared was becoming increasingly blurred into a lot more. Still, I couldn't shake the uneasiness I felt over him seeing those pictures, over him knowing so much of my past, so soon.

Trying to push this worry from my mind, I wrapped my arm around Nummi's waist and hugged her tightly, affectionately. "Thanks, Nummi. I love you."

**...**

When I walked beside Nummi back into the living room, I immediately met Edward's panicked gaze as he rose from the sofa. I smiled lightly to reassure him, hoping to restore even a little of his confidence in me. He broke into a tender smile while lines of worry still etched his forehead, right before I was literally engulfed by Alice as she threw her arms around me.

"Bella!" she whispered, her hushed tone alarmed, and her over anxious concern threatened to unleash another round of emotion on me.

"I'm okay, Als," I replied, clearing my throat softly. I still felt like shit with the flu after all.

When I untangled myself from Alice, I met Rach's steady deep blue eyes. She was evaluating me like she usually did, and when she saw that all was okay with me, she smiled. It quickly turned to a smirk as her eyes fell on Alice. "Are we gonna get Alice on a horse or what? I don't know about you guys, but I'm curious to see how they react to her hyperactivity."

Edward snorted, but Alice only laughed good-naturedly.

"How does Jazz keep up with you?" Nummi asked, teasing her.

"Him, keep up with me? Are you serious, he tires me out!" Was Alice's reply, to which Edward immediately groaned, only half beneath his breath.

"That's actually a little scary," Rach said with a half laugh, leading Alice out of the room, when Carol entered.

"Darl, do you mind popping down to the general store and getting a few things?" she asked Nummi, handing her the fifty-dollar bill she was pulling from her wallet.

"Uh—yeah," Nummi turned to me. "Bells, you wanna come?"

A slight ripple of panic made its way through me at the idea of venturing out and running into _people. _But I quickly consoled myself with the knowledge that Renee never went to the store to buy groceries. She ate at the bar when she wasn't feeding herself her _liquid diet_, and she rarely, if ever, fed me.

I nodded, forcing the alarm bells to the background. "Yeah, sure."

I turned to gauge Edward's reaction to a trip to the shops, when his deep voice spoke up. "Uh ... do you mind if I come too? I …" he broke off, bringing his hand to his mouth to clear his throat self-consciously, "need a toothbrush."

Nummi scoffed at him teasingly. "Of course you can come."

Carol gave her a list of items to buy and we headed out the door to the 4WD that Chris had picked us up in the day before.

As soon as Edward was within reach of me, I grabbed his hand. I was beginning to tremble and no amount of telling myself that I was being paranoid and stupid lessened it.

He pulled me close to him and glanced down at me, his eyes darkening with concern. He didn't say anything, but he exhaled deeply; I felt it more than heard it. It was long and weary, something he was masking from me. He'd just seen the wretched proof of my past, and I knew it was still affecting him, but knowing how much he'd seen made me feel almost alien to him—exposed.

**...**

The centre of town was about a fifteen-minute drive away; the general store being just on the outskirts. Nothing had changed in the six months that I'd been gone, but then I didn't expect it to change much over the next century.

As we walked through the doors, we passed a few people. I knew every face that smiled down at me with empathy, but in general they were more curious about Edward than they were me. It made it less awkward for me and Edward seemed oblivious to it.

While Nummi busied herself putting item after item from her mother's grocery list into the shopping basket, Edward went in search of a toothbrush. I trailed after Nummi, being completely taken aback by my familiar surroundings. It was almost deja vu, as though I had come here in a dream. I had so many memories of stopping by after school to buy myself dinner with the money The General had been sending me, or stealing food when I was younger when Renee controlled my money. I realised when I was older that the shopkeeper knew all along, and the day I left for the U.S. I sent him a card with a one hundred dollar bill inside; paying back everything I'd stolen.

"You forgot the olive oil, Num," I said to her peering over her shoulder as she checked off the items.

"Shoot! So I did."

"Hang on, I'll get it," I said simply, before going through a couple of aisles in search of it.

Nummi's mum liked the spray stuff and as luck would have it they seemed to be out. I pushed a few bottles aside in search.

"A-ha! One left," I mumbled to myself in triumph.

"Bella!" Nummi called out to me suddenly. Her tone was rigid with alarm.

With confusion, I turned in the direction of her voice and found myself staring into the cold, unforgiving eyes of my mother.

I completely froze, my breath hitching involuntarily, the blood draining from my face. It didn't seem real. I felt like I was gazing at the monster that lived in my closet. Only she was more terrifying than anything I could conjure in my mind.

Seeing my fear, Renee sneered and made her way over to me, slowly, with deliberate intimidation, keeping her eyes locked with mine. I began trembling, and clutched at the bottle of spray oil in a feeble attempt to stop it. My flight instincts were screaming in my ears, but I couldn't move. I was rooted to the spot while my heart began to hammer so hard I felt it resounding in my temples.

"Well ... well ... well..." she drawled, "look who finally showed her face."

In the next instant she slapped me. I didn't immediately register it, or the stinging pain behind it. Rather I heard the high-pitched sound of it ringing in my ears and echoing through the store as my head was flung to the side; my hair obscuring my vision.

Grabbing me by the arm, she pulled me aggressively close to her. "How dare you fucking ignore me after I raised your useless arse—_alone_. And now—because of you—your little friend is _dead."_

I squeezed my eyes closed, cringing away from her while the stale, distant smell of alcohol still on her breath brought back an avalanche of memories. They came rushing back to me with a force more potent than her blow, and I felt myself instinctively shrink away.

"Let me go!" I uttered feebly, when without warning I was ripped from her grip and encircled roughly in a pair of arms.

_Edward!_

I pushed my face into his chest and felt the vibrating energy as he all but growled, low and full of rage.

"Back-the-fuck-off!"

"My, my," I heard Renee's arrogant response, "my daughter must be a good little whore if you followed her all the way here."

I tore from Edward's arms, stumbling blindly in my absolute panic and haste to get away. Nummi practically caught me, her arms supporting me as I fled the store.

"Don't you dare listen to her, Bella!" she almost yelled, sternly at me.

I stopped suddenly and looked over to her. I was standing on the other side of the street with her and Edward before me, their hands rose as if I was a frightened horse about to bolt. Edward's eyes were burning with dismay; in fact, his entire face was twisted with it.

My heart was hammering behind my ribs and my lungs struggled to keep up. I just gazed at them, trying to rein in my breath while my mind processed what had just happened.

Alice and Edward. The two people that epitomised my new life, now infected by _her. _My two worlds colliding! Another nightmare becoming reality.

Edward and Renee!

I dropped my head and let my eyes close with a sudden and complete helplessness. I was never going to escape her.

I raised my hands to the sides of my face, my fingers running into my hair, my palms pressing against my temples. I wanted to rip my skin from my face, wishing I could rid my mind of the events that had just transpired. I was mortified by it—by her. Ashamed of my past and knowing there was truth behind her words.

With my eyes squeezed shut, a clarity began to settle over me. For a brief moment, I felt calm as the adrenalin coursing within me faded. But behind it was a tsunami of emotion that immediately engulfed me as the reality of what had just happened began to centre on me. It flooded through me with a horrible certainty that it had happened with Edward metres from me.

I shook my head back and forth, over and over suddenly angry. Angry that I just stood there, weak and feeble. Angry that I said absolutely nothing. Angry that she was still affecting my life, and I was powerless to stop it.

I felt like I was going to explode. My chest began heaving, my lungs struggling, inundated against the rapid intake of air. I inhaled sharply, and pressed the heel of my palm into my eyes as the first angry sob was strangled from me. I continued to shake my head, beginning to feel the tender sting where my mother had slapped my cheek. My mother had a god damn fucking Master's degree in face slapping.

"_GOD DAMN IT_!" I burst out.

"Bella, sweetie. It's okay." It was Edward. His voice was soft now, gentle and full of trepidation.

The sobs came in a rush, and again I was caught between them and breathing—and failing at both. I looked up at him, my chest lunging in and out as I fought back the tears and struggled to gain control of my rationality; to see things clearly, to not let _her _destroy me again.

"No!" I choked out. "It's _not_ okay—_IT'S NOT OKAY!_"

"Bells, calm down, please." Nummi. She just stared at me, with worry and fear distorting her features.

"_I'M FINE_. There's nothing wrong with me—I'm f—" I broke off as the tears got the better of me. I began to pace, fighting them back and shaking my head repeatedly. Trying in vain to get on top of this, to not allow her to reduce me to this; to be strong for the first god-damn time in my fucking life!

Edward pulled me against him again, but I couldn't bare it. My skin was absolutely crawling with her and I wanted to rip it from my bones. I shoved him off me. "Don't touch me, Edward—_GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME_!"

He grabbed my hand and immediately pulled me back to face him.

"I'm not going anywhere, Bella!" There was a determined passion behind his tone; something I wanted to absorb and empower me. I had Edward Cullen on my side.

Why the hell didn't that matter?

I just shook my head and pulled my hand from his grip. I was quickly coming undone and I couldn't stop the tide of it from taking me. I was in full Renee mode now, and Edward had a front row seat to witness it.

And I couldn't bear it.

He grabbed my shoulders and shook me a little. I gazed up at him; his eyes were deep, intense and resolute. Eyes that saw Renee; knew Renee.

"Just listen to me. I'm right here. You're okay," he spoke softly to me, his tone solemn, and his eyes—I couldn't read them past the pity that burned within them.

I tore my face away as a flood of fresh tears hit me. I shoved myself from him again and buried my face in my hands, wanting to grab my hair and tear it out.

"I don't _want _you here_, Edward_!" I choked out, my voice pitifully muffled from behind my hands and compromised by the tears. But it didn't make it any less valid; I meant it. I couldn't stand the fact that he was here, in this horrible little town with me. It was _unbearable_.

"Bells, come on," Nummi pleaded with me, her voice serious.

I looked up abruptly, then turned from Nummi to Edward, pointing an accusing finger at him. "Get him away from me, Nummi!"

He took a step toward me, apprehensively.

"Bella ... you can't get rid of me that easily." His voice was resolute and still stubborn, but his tone had dropped a notch, wavering.

I could see the injured look behind his eyes; he was hurt. But it didn't deter me because it was better that he wasn't here to be affected by any of it; to be contaminated by Renee, to see what she reduced me to. To see who I really was.

"You don't get it, Edward. You shouldn't be here—I don't _WANT_ you here—you _or_ Alice! _GET ON A GOD DAMN FUCKING PLANE AND GO HOME_," I yelled at him, full of seething rage now, but I was faltering and I knew I couldn't keep it up. My hands were shaking, and every muscle in my body was beginning to quake.

My nightmare with Renee had continued, and now it involved Edward. It made my skin literally crawl. He was never supposed to know this side of me, and I could _not_ be with him now that he did. I would endure Renee all over again, but I could not have Edward be a part of it.

I stared into his eyes one last time. They stared back, holding my gaze steadily, below his knotted brow, while they deepened with a growing conflicted pain.

I turned away and fled. I didn't know where I was going, or why. Just that I had to escape my mother, this town, my existence—and Edward knowing all of it.

I continued running, my lungs burning, my heart pounding in sync with my clumsy footsteps that hit the dry planed earth. Away from him, from her and from the fact that the only one who could ever pull me from my mother's toxic clutches was dead.

In the forefront of my mind, Edward's usually intense, consuming eyes, stared straight into my soul, with unfathomable knowledge that for the first time he was seeing me.

* * *

**A/N: Oye... Thanks for reading.**


	32. Far Away

**A/N: Don't be too hard on yourself, Eddie...**

* * *

**Chapter 32**

**Far Away**

**Edward's POV**

I was distracted by a fucking Colgate toothbrush!

I'd noticed, peripherally, when Bella walked past the aisle I was in, but instead of following my first instinct to accompany her, I went back to my four hour deliberation over fucking hard or medium bristles.

I had just decided on a blue one with freaking ridges, when Nummi rounded the corner, her eyes wide with panic, her face paling with it.

"Where's Bella?" she asked, her high, restricted voice emphasizing the seriousness of her alarm.

It completely surprised me, so much so that for a moment my only response was to blink blankly. I'd been doing a lot of that the last couple of days, but I was taken aback and slightly confused.

What could possibly make her so worried about Bella in a supermarket?

I was just about to tell her she was a few aisles ahead of me, when she suddenly called out to her. Her voice raised, her tone reiterating the anxiousness behind it.

"Nummi—what?" I asked her, beginning to feel uneasy. She was a calm person, and this behavior from her was unnerving.

She spoke one word, "Renee."

I was rounding the corner in the next instant, my heart pummeling in my chest at the very idea of what this person might do to Bella—might _mean_ to Bella if she ran into her.

A quick look down the next aisle; she wasn't there. The next aisle; still not there. The third isle over was where I discovered her, but just as quickly as I spotted her, standing frozen to the spot, a woman standing before her slapped her across the face with so much force that it nearly knocked her sideways off her feet.

Something snapped in me as though I was the one struck. For a moment, I was stunned before I exploded into action. The sheer velocity of my anger propelled me forward before my mind could catch up.

In the next instant this woman dragged Bella by the arm and pulled her toward her. Bella was unresponsive. I could see it in her entire posture; she was like a rag doll. It evoked such a raw emotion from me that my skin was electrified with it. It was both a seething rage and fear.

I reached Bella within five seconds, without her or this person noticing me approach. I yanked her, probably a little too roughly from her mother's grip, into my arms. She immediately turned and clung to me desperately. It made my rationality splinter. I was controlled only by my swelling anger.

"Back-the-fuck-off!" I all but growled at the _woman_, the angry emotion in my voice making it tremble.

Instinctively, I turned Bella away from her, but every muscle within me was rigid and tense as I held her.

My eyes flew back to this woman; the warning behind my glare clear.

She only arched an eyebrow at me arrogantly, looking me slowly up and down. "My, my. My daughter must be a good little whore if you followed her all the way here."

I opened my mouth to reply, wanting nothing more than to punch this _woman_ square in the face, when Bella shoved from my arms. Drawing back an anguished breath, she pushed past me and fled

I turned, ready to catch up to her, when she all but collided with Nummi, who quickly dragged her out of the store.

I had intended to immediately follow, when I heard this woman in front of me snort. The anger brewing within me reached boiling point, and before I was fully aware of it, I'd turned back to her and had taken a step in her direction. The cockiness of her expression fell instantly and a flicker of fear seeped into her pale eyes.

They were nothing at all like Bella's...

I had no idea what I was going to do, but before I could decide on it I was interjected by the storekeeper. He came between Bella's mother and me, edging me away from her.

"Let it go, mate," he spoke firmly, with an edge of understanding in his voice.

I turned to leave. Bella was at the forefront of my mind again; she was in pain and needed me because of this fucking _woman_. That's when I acted. Whirling around, and ignoring the shop-keeper as he placed both his hands square against my chest to restrain me, I pointed my finger at her with a direct warning.

"You stay the fuck away from her, you got me?" I spat at her.

She only stood there surveying me. Her eyes narrowed and she opened her mouth, sneering, but before she spoke a word I shot out of the store.

With her arm wrapped protectively around her shoulders, Nummi rushed Bella across the street. I caught up with them in seconds. Bella was breathing sharply, shaking her head as if to fight back her tears, her hands digging into her face. She pulled from Nummi's arms and merely stood there, her head lowered, her chest heaving with breathless sobs.

"Don't you dare listen to her, Bella!" Nummi ordered her. She looked angry, but for the tone of her voice that betrayed her.

This seemed to jolt Bella. She looked up apprehensively. Her hair was obscuring most of her face, but not well enough to conceal the welted imprint of a hand swelling across her cheek. It immediately made the anger within me resurface, then almost as quickly ebb as she rose her eyes. They were desolate and defeated, but a spark had ignited in them and began blazing.

She was also pissed off.

She gazed at Nummi first before she turned her eyes on me. They met mine and widened, smoothing out the pain etched into her brow. I raised my hands tentatively, to soothe her, while the sight of her completely broken and hurt, her chest still rising and falling erratically, was like a knife plunging into my chest. I wanted to take this moment from her; I wanted to kiss her cheek until the redness went away.

Her forehead began to knot again with deep dismay and helplessness. She tore her eyes from mine and squeezed them shut, her breath quickening even more. She brought her hands to the side of her face and pressed them into her skin, as if trying to shut out the madness that screamed within.

I turned to glance at Nummi. She met my gaze and shook her head a little with both anger and desperate concern. I quickly turned back to Bella, not wanting to read just how dire the situation was from someone who knew her better than I did.

For a moment Bella seemed to calm, her breathing evened out, and she stood almost still. Then it was if an explosion was detonated inside her. Her face crumbled beneath it and her breath became gasps.

I took an immediate step toward her, but as if in reflex, she stepped away. She removed her hands from her head, pressed them against her eyes, and began shaking her head back and forth. A momentum was rising in her. Her breath became even more jagged and as she struggled against it she began to sob. Then tearing her hands away from her eyes, revealing her pale, rigid, angry face—her eyes burning with the fire that was so obviously tearing her apart—she yelled out, at the top of her lungs, full of frustration and anger.

"_GOD DAMN IT_!"

"Bella, sweetie. It's okay," I said to her making my voice as tender and as soothing as I could.

This seemed to incense her, though every fiber of her face was wrought with pain and magnified in her eyes. "No!" she uttered between sobs. "It's _not_ okay—_IT'S NOT OKAY!_"

I just wanted to drag her to me. Watching her suffer like this before me was ripping my fucking heart through my chest, but I wasn't sure how she'd react if I touched her. I knew I had to be cautious; she was struggling to process everything and get a handle on it. If I made the wrong move I could make things worse.

"Bells, calm down, please," Nummi pleaded with her. She reached out to her but again Bella instinctively stepped back.

"I'M FINE!" she yelled out defiantly—though she was far from it. "There's nothing wrong with me. I'm f-fi—" her voice broke as a flood of tears was unleashed upon her.

It was more than I could grasp. Taking a single step, I enfolded her against me. I felt her trembling body against mine for little more than a moment before she promptly pulled away from me.

"Don't touch me, Edward!" she cried insistently, her anger flaring to the surface again. "_GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME_!"

I just gazed at her flushed face, and the inconsolable pain reflecting in her eyes and was more determined than ever not to let it devour her. I grabbed her hand and pulled her back to me.

"I'm not going anywhere, Bella!" I said vehemently.

She just stared up at me for a moment as if trying to comprehend what was happening around her; comprehend me. Eventually her face fragmented under the stranglehold of pain she was struggling with. With her eyes squeezing shut, she shook her head and tore her hand from my grip.

I would get through to her. I would let her know that her mother—her past meant nothing to me. That I loved her for the girl I knew back home in Forks and that knowing who her mother was would never change that fact.

I reached out and grabbed her shoulders, shaking her a little, forcing her to meet my gaze. She snapped her eyes open and stared deeply at me, almost mesmerized for a moment.

"Just listen to me," I spoke to her intently, determined as I stared into her haunted eyes, to make her see what she meant to me. "I'm right here. It's gonna be okay."

I loved her and it was fucking killing me that she was being torn apart.

She blinked once, her forehead puckering a little before she again turned from me. I let her go with a defeated sigh, and she brought her hands to cover her face and the obvious fact that she had begun sobbing again.

"I don't want you here, _Edward_!" Her choking voice was muffled by her hands, but it held just as much conviction as if she spoke it freely to me.

I had opened my mouth to speak, but immediately shut it, faltering, feeling injured and uncertain. It was the way she emphasized my name, coldly and without emotion.

Nummi beside me spoke up, "Bells, come on." Her voice broke and when I turn to glance at her quickly, her expression did little to ease my concerns.

Bella shook her head again, her face burning with angry, distraught tears. She turned her eyes on me and pointed her finger accusingly. "Get him away from me, Nummi!"

I took another tentative step towards her despite the fact that I felt like she'd just punched the fuck out of me. She immediately stumbled away, almost losing her footing.

"Bella ... you can't get rid of me that easily," I said to her stubbornly, but I was struggling. She didn't want me here; what could I do?

She stared at me for a moment, gazing into my eyes, until something behind them flickered and her posture changed.

"You don't get it, Edward," she scoffed, her tone cold and sarcastic. "You shouldn't be here. I don't want you here—you _or _Alice!" her voice suddenly, rose and with it all her frustrated anger, directed straight at me. "_GET ON A GOD DAMN FUCKING PLANE AND GO HOME_!"

She was glaring at me now and her words were like fucking acid. I just held her gaze, silently hoping that she would see that I was always going to be here for her. Renee meant nothing, her past meant nothing; it was her and only her that I'd ever wanted.

She was broken and I just wanted to hold her until her pain went away, but I knew she wouldn't allow it, because the girl staring back at me with defeat and anger wasn't my Bella. She was the Bella poisoned and drowning by her mother's hatred.

Her face crumbled slightly the longer I gazed at her until eventually she broke eye contact, almost shrinking away from me. A moment later she turned away and ran.

I immediately turned to go after her but Nummi grabbed my hand. "Edward, don't," she paused and sighed. "Just let her go."

I turned back almost incredulously. "You're okay with her taking off, _alone_?"

Nummi's eyes filled with tears. "Of course I'm not! But this is what Renee does to her. She needs some time to deal with it."

I turned back and watched as Bella's retreating form stumbled further away. I suddenly felt anxious. My legs were restless, urging to chase after her.

"I can't ... I can't just leave her here!" I stammered, feeling like a useless prick and not having a single clue how I should react.

"Edward," Nummi said more firmly, "if you go after her and force her back you will make her worse."

I reached up and rubbed the back of my head, dropping my eyes to the ground feeling fucking powerless.

When I met Nummi's gaze a moment later it was with resignation. "Every time she looks at me now she's going to see her mother telling me she's a whore, isn't she?"

Nummi huffed out her flaring anger but it ended in a deeply drawn out sigh. "For a while, she will. But she'll get past it."

I took a long breath and exhaled shortly, with frustration. "So what now? We just wait until she comes back?"

I turned back in the direction Bella had fled, then back to Nummi weighing up hastily what I was going to decide. Did I follow my gut feeling and go after her? Or my head that told me Nummi knew Bella a hell of a lot more than I did and I needed to listen to her—unless I wanted to push Bella further away from me.

Nummi pulled a cell phone out of her pocket and began dialing, explaining to me, a little apologetically as she waited for it to answer, "I'm calling Chris."

_What the fuck!_

My back immediately tensed and straightened with indignation. I stared down at her, unable to answer without saying something fucked up and jealous, while feeling my face darken. She opened her mouth to reply to my obvious adversity to the idea when she was cut off by a voice on the other end.

I listened as she quickly explained the situation, while I tried to get a handle on the very same emotion I felt when I thought Bella had gone on a date with _Weasel Newton._ My breaths were coming out in angry huffs and the agitation running through my veins was so palpable, that every muscle within me tightened reflexively.

Nummi switched her phone off and turned to me with a pleading in her eyes. "Edward, you need to understand. Bella spent most of her life with Kel's family. Chris is like her brother. Kel was always the only one who could talk her around after shit like this happened, and I don't know if Chris will be able to, but it's all I can think of!"

I placed my hands on my hips in defiance, but as I gazed down at the ground again, the air gushing from my lungs, I knew I had to concede. These people—Chris—would be better for her than I would be at the moment. In truth, I couldn't help her, because in reality I barely knew her or her life before Forks.

I nodded, then slowly raised my eyes to meet hers, begrudgingly. "Okay."

We waited for what seemed like an hour to hear from Chris while we sat in Nummi's parked car, when in reality it was closer to ten minutes. When he called, letting Nummi know that he had Bella with him, I was immediately relieved that she was okay, only for a grinding surge of jealousy to diminish it a moment later. Bella was _my_ girlfriend—finally after all the shit that I'd gone through to get her. It killed me that I couldn't help her and it drove me mad that another guy could.

The drive back to the house was in silence. Nummi seemed lost in nervous thought while I struggled to get a grip on both the resentment and anxiety that the situation had now presented me with. I tried not to focus on the words that Bella had yelled out to me, but it was hard not to when the combination of them felt like having the air knocked from my lungs. Nummi had told me persistently, while we were waiting for Chris' phone call, that Bella didn't mean it. Deep down, I knew she didn't; deep down I knew that Bella didn't want me to be a part of her old life and she was simply reacting to the shock of her mother. But, it still cut me to shreds.

Fuck it! I was just a selfish bastard!

The moment we walked through the front door, Rach zeroed in on Nummi. She seemed to know in an instant exactly why Bella wasn't with us, while all Alice could do was stare at me puzzled and with rising alarm at the expression on my face—that I had no hope of masking.

"Christ ... don't tell me?" Rach spoke with dread.

Nummi merely nodded in resignation.

"_MOTHER FUCK_!" Rach burst abruptly, dragging her hands through her hair and whipping around to turn her back to us, just as Nummi's mother hurried in the room.

She took one glance at Nummi then at me, before she released the air from her lungs in a sigh of frustrated agitation. "Where is she?"

"Chris," Nummi answered sedately.

"What happened?" Rach asked turning back, with barely controlled anger.

"She slapped her," Nummi answered quietly, seeming to flinch from the recollection.

For me, it was like being punched in the stomach as the scene replayed immediately in my mind. Bella's face jerking sideways, her hair flying out and settling over the side of her face—that had immediately turned a deep, angry scarlet.

"Jesus _Christ_, Nummi!" Rach's angry, flaring tone snapped my attention back to the present moment. "Didn't we agree that if Bella went into town one of us was always with her in case this very thing happened!"

She couldn't really blame Nummi; I wasn't with her either.

After seeing those photos of Bella, a broken, haunted child, I should have understood the danger that running into her mother presented to her. I had come to Australia to protect and support her and I'd fucked up after the second day. To see the pain in her eyes through a photograph was one thing, but to see it right before me was another. When Bella was yelling at me, trying so bravely to come to terms with what had happened, I saw that little girl she once was staring back at me. It was like a fucking sledgehammer smashing its way through my ribs.

Nummi's mother kept us preoccupied with food and drinks—that none of us touched—while we waited for Bella to return. We sat in the living room distracted with our own thoughts and avoiding each other's bleak gazes, when Alice broke the silence.

"When Bella was being abused by her mother, did anyone ever call the authorities?" she asked with apprehension and genuine confusion.

"They came out when Bella was about thirteen, I think," Rach began, her tone hard and resentful. "She got the beating of her life when they went, even though she backed up everything _her mother _told them."

"I know mum called them a few times, but we're kind of ignored out here in the bush," Nummi replied scoffing angrily.

"That and the fact that her slag of a mother slept through the town's collection of cops," Rach added, shaking her head with disgust.

Carol arrived in the room and placed four cups of coffee on the coffee table we were sitting around. She sighed wearily, then continued the story, "By that time we were able to look out for her better anyway. Her mother's reputation began cracking amongst her few allies, so she started keeping the abuse very private, but by then Bella was rarely at home."

"Only she'd go home of her own choice, always drawn back to that piece of shit excuse for a parent until the very end," Rach added, bitterly.

Carol sat on the couch next to me and sighed. "You have to understand that her mother was all she knew. It was natural for her to crave what she desperately needed from her."

"Where was her father?" I suddenly demanded, sounding rude and disrespectful, but I couldn't find it in myself to give a shit.

Carol cleared her throat softly before explaining, "I think her father came to town maybe five or six times, and I doubted he was aware of anything."

"Jesus," Alice whispered meeting my gaze, her eyebrows bunched together, "when Bella told us that her mother never loved her, I had no idea..."

"Never loved her?" Nummi scoffed sarcastically. "If only that—hang on ... what?" she suddenly broke off, staring from Alice to me, dumbfounded.

"Bella told you her mother never loved her?" Rach asked with genuine astonishment.

"Yeah," it was me that answered.

"Why...?" Alice asked with growing confusion.

"The fact that Bella even mentioned her mother—shit we've known her most of her life and the only time she'd ever bring her up was when we forced her to," Rach explained. She looked over to Nummi as if for validation, who immediately nodded.

"It's obvious that Bella feels safe in Forks," Carol commented.

"And it's obvious that she feels something _strong_ for the two of you!" Rach said pointedly, glancing from Alice to me with a small, rueful smile.

**...**

After about two hours of sitting in the living room, glancing around awkwardly, while going into periodical small talk regarding Bella's childhood, that seemed to disturb Nummi and Rach to the point that they fell quiet, Chris finally pulled up noisily in the gravelly driveway close to the house. A quick glance through the window revealed Bella, sitting eyes downcast in the front passenger seat. My heart began thumping sluggishly, and as I stood up, I felt my body flush with its usual predictable surge of heat as I watched Bella exit the car.

Chris came to the passenger side and put his arm over her shoulders, inciting the current of heat within me to flash in my face and tense in every muscle of my body. I looked down, guiltily, pushing the anger away, knowing I was being nothing but an irrational dick.

When Bella entered through the front door, her eyes flickered in my direction but she turned her head away immediately and disappeared down the hall with the girls; Carol included. This was not before I noticed the bruising appearing on her face, and was hit by a deluge of emotions that, for a brief moment, threatened my self-control.

When I looked up, probably looking as fucked up as I felt, I met Chris' eyes. He was peering at me apprehensively, his expression knotted as if gauging me.

"Mate ... do you want to go out back for a beer or something?"

I shrugged, trying to rein in the anger I was feeling for him, when I should have been feeling fucking grateful. "Sure."

I sat down on the outdoor timber furniture with a can of _'Tooheys' _in front of me. Chris took the chair across from me, still eying me with a guarded expression.

"You're pissed off, and I can't blame you for that," he finally spoke, the faintest grin appearing across his face before it fell somber.

I shook my head feeling like the infantile dickhead that I was, when he quickly continued.

"It's okay—I understand. It's right with me," he paused and took a gulp of his beer before he continued. "I had a yarn with her for a bit and she talked about you a lot. She's really upset that you've seen things that she didn't want you to know. She's ashamed—"

I opened my mouth to interject and tell him she didn't have to be ashamed around me, but he nodded quickly and held up his hand to stop me. "I know, but this is just how she deals with it all. She takes it all on alone and she pushes people away rather than have them know what's really goin' on."

I took a sip of my beer, coughing into my hand to hide the grimace. Chris knew exactly what I was doing and again the small smirk lit up on his face but disappeared just as quickly.

"Does she really want me to go back home?"

"Christ no!" he said adamantly. "She might have said so, and she might even think she does, but if you did that I think she'd fall apart."

I nodded, taking a deep breath and mulling it over as I idly fiddled with the pull ring on top of my can.

"Look, mate, my advice is, give her a few days. She'll come around and when she does, do us a favor?" he asked.

I looked over at him surprised. He met my eyes steadily, but his expression was strained; he took another gulp from his beer.

"Yeah?" I asked feeling a little uncertain.

"Tell her to stop beating herself up over not coming back straight after—" his voice stopped abruptly and he cleared his throat noisily before he continued, with what was obviously difficult for him, "after Kel got into the accident."

I nodded slowly, but scoffed softly. "I'll try, but shit, she carries guilt like no one I've ever known."

Chris only nodded, smiling with a frustrated kind of irony.

**...**

I expected Bella to be withdrawn, to lay low. I didn't see her for the rest of the afternoon and she didn't come to dinner. Alice told me that she'd insisted that she wasn't hungry, but Carol still took a plate of food to her anyway.

There wasn't really much I could do. Bella wasn't comfortable with the idea of having me around her at the moment, and with the girls staying close to her, John and Brian kept me with them.

That night they got at least four _middys _into me. Carol rescued me when they were going for a fifth round, ushering me off to bed before I could puke my dinner up over the patio pavement. I staggered to the bathroom, had a shower, gaining some of my equilibrium back, drank bucketful's of water—Emmett's one and only brotherly advice if I was going to drink in the future—and went to bed.

The fucking screeching of those white birds woke me again at 6:00am the next morning. I got dressed then headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I had a god awful taste in my mouth that was churning my stomach. When I stepped back in the hall afterward, Nummi, Rach and Alice were leaving their room. Bella was notably absent.

Nummi smiled at me, kind of sadly and with affection. "Hey,_ Edwud._"

"How is she?" I asked her soberly, still hopeful. "Er ... hi!" I quickly added guiltily.

Her mouth tugged into a small smile before it fell with a sigh.

Beside her Rach scoffed and piped up before Nummi could answer. "Mute."

"W-what do you mean?" I asked, stammering, my fingers finding the skin of my brow subconsciously.

"She's barely spoken to any of us, Edward," Alice answered, her eyes rising to meet mine without disguising her concern. "And she can barely_ look_ at me_._"

"She'll come around. She always does," Rach muttered, not sounding very confident, while the expression on Nummi's face all but cemented it.

Bella didn't appear at breakfast, and just after I finished, Brian dragged me off for a back breaking day's work of hard labor, fixing containment fences. By the time Carol came out with lunch, I was already fucked up. She made sure I had enough ginger ales to keep the _long necks_ John and Brian were drinking out of my hands, with a small knowing smile in my direction, before she headed back. There was no way I could drag the freaking size of the logs they used for fence railings, under the blaring sun, with half a dozen beers in my system. The last thing I wanted was to look like was a pussy, passing out in front of these two men that made Clint Eastwood look like a fairy.

By the time the '_hard yakka' _was done for the day, it was getting dark and I was hot, sweating, and exhausted. Despite this, my muscles that were stiff and aching, felt like they were buzzing with energy and I was anxious to see how Bella was doing. But any hopes that a day with the girls would help her come around, were soon shattered when she appeared for dinner.

She didn't speak a word, and despite the fact that my eyes never left her face the entire time, hers barely rose in my direction once. They remained deep and reflective, but at the same time they were vacant, which wasn't like her at all. She looked like she was contemplating, or daydreaming, but for the beyond fucking broken expression on her face. On top of this, the hint of a bruise that I'd seen the day before had turned conspicuous, coloring her whole cheekbone.

Later that night Nummi had the idea to watch a DVD. Bella, who had quietly agreed to it, didn't show up and half way through it, having paid absolutely no attention to it at all, I retired to bed.

My mind swam with the familiar panic that seemed to have become ingrained into me over the past six months since Bella had come into my life. But I was so tired I fell asleep with the edginess following me into my dreams.

The laughing birds woke me up the next day. I preferred them to the white screechers, even though the sound of them was slightly creepy. When I turned to glance at the clock, I bolted out of bed in shock. It was almost 9:00am!

No Bella at breakfast, though since they'd been up since seven it wasn't surprising. Alice wandered into the kitchen when I was finishing up and informed me that Carol had taken Bella out with her for the day.

"Is she any better?" I asked.

Alice sighed, ran her hand through her short hair and sat beside me at the breakfast table. "No, and Rach and Nummi are getting worried. She just looks so ... _lost_. It's terrible, Edward!"

She was lost and I couldn't find her. I couldn't find where she was to drag her back to me; not when she seemed so openly adverse to me.

I was beginning to wonder why I was here at all. I hadn't been able to help her and it seemed my presence had only made it a whole lot worse.

The mood with Nummi and Rach had grown a lot more sedate. Almost stupidly forgetting the reason I was there, I initially thought it was because of Bella, but I soon realized that the following day was Kel's funeral. There was an element of dread in the back of my mind about going. Of course, that should have been a natural reaction for anyone attending a funeral, but the last one I had been to was my father's. In fact, the whole atmosphere in the air was like deja vu in the days leading up to his. It brought me down to earth quickly and with my anxiousness over Bella, I began to feel plagued with an increasing sense of helplessness.

Later in the afternoon, with Carol home, she had me peeling potatoes for Dinner. I think it was her way of keeping me away from the guys and the huge quantities of beer that they were used to drinking—that I definitely wasn't.

Bella didn't look at me when she arrived back at the house. She didn't look at any of us, but she spoke a fractured _"hey, guys"_ as she disappeared down the hall. Not long after she disappeared with the girls out the back, which had left me pretty much stranded and _unwelcome_.

Carol kept me busy chatting. I found I wasn't so stumped by the language and was familiar with most of what she spoke to me. I picked up on the fact that when she muttered, _'bloody mozzies'_ and began spraying bug spray, she was obviously referring to mosquitoes, and when she asked me if I could hear the '_ambos_', she meant _ambulance_; though it still took me a moment.

She was in and out of the kitchen a lot, while I became distracted as I watched Bella through the window, as my freaking hands cramped up from using the potato peeler. The four of them were sitting cross-legged on the grass chatting. Bella, obvious that she wasn't speaking, pulled her knees to her chest and rested her chin on them with a faraway look in her eyes.

The next thing I did was run the peeler over the knuckle of my thumb, slicing off a layer of skin with it.

_"_Jesus—fuck it!" I muttered under my breath, bringing my thumb to my mouth and sucking the blood from it.

I was holding it under the running faucet, grumbling away to myself, when I realized that Bella was in the room staring at me—at my bleeding thumb—with a furrowed brow. When I looked at her she met my gaze, held it for a fraction of a second before grabbing a glass from the counter and leaving the room hastily.

I left the room too, in the opposite direction out the front door, my angry frustrated footsteps thudding through the gravel loudly.

I soon heard the sound of footsteps running to catch up to me from behind. I didn't need to turn to know they didn't belong to Bella; they were light and coordinated.

Alice.

"Edward, are you okay?" she asked me breathlessly, catching up to me and grabbing my hand to stop me. "Bella said you cut your finger."

"What the fuck am I doing here, Alice?" I whirled around to face her, my voice rising angrily. "She doesn't want me here!"

I kicked up a wave of gravel and stones in frustration, dragging both my hands through my hair as a swelling of emotion began to ache within me. Taking a heavy chested breath, I walked to the fence and leaned over it, bringing my hands roughly to the burning skin of my face.

"Edward ... are you okay?" Alice asked me again timidly after a minute where I wasn't sure whether I wanted to start roaring in complete and utter pissed off frustration, or start fucking crying like a pussy!

"I'm fine, Alice!" I snapped, without looking at her, my voice thick.

"No, you're not. You're hurting because she's hurting," she stated softly.

"Alice, did it ever occur to you that I don't always want to have a fucking girlie conversation with you!" I retorted, feeling my face darken while the ache behind my eyes remained static.

She stepped up on the first rung of the fence railing so she was on my eye level, then pried my hands from my face. "Give me a hug."

"Alice..." I sighed.

But the little rat had already wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me close.

"She needs you, Edward. She's going to crack and soon, and in the meantime I don't want you feeling this way!" she whispered, before she planted an impulsive kiss on my cheek. "Now stop being such a _sooky sooky_ or I'll tell Emmett when we get home."

"I hate to disappoint you, Alice, but you were born in _Chicago_," I said to her feeling my lips twitch into a small begrudging smirk.

She whacked me then jumped down off the fence.

* * *

**A/N: Hope you liked, and go easy on Bella, she's in a bad place.**


	33. The Funeral

**A/N: Getting close... only 15 left?**

* * *

**Chapter 33**

**The Funeral**

**Edward's POV**

By the time when we were assembled ready to get into the cars to go to Kel's funeral the next day, Bella was worse.

She looked so fucking beautiful that it almost floored me—wearing a black dress, with her hair pulled neatly back into a pony tail—but she was pale, slightly trembling and still completely cut off from everyone around her.

Nummi held steadfast to her hand, though she was obviously fighting with her own grief, and I suspected she held Bella's hand _for _support as well as giving it. Rach had hidden herself behind a large pair of black sunglasses that covered half of her face, but even that couldn't conceal her pain.

The overall air was so heavy that I was impacted by it, feeling weighed down by it; feeling more and more fucking helpless.

Alice and I rode to the church with John. We took our seats with Nummi's family, sitting a couple of rows back from the white coffin and the photo of the pretty, smiling blond girl that I somehow felt I knew.

The coffin was closed.

Bella sat almost directly in front of me with Kel's family, beside Kel's mother, with Nummi and Rach, her head lowered and her shoulders drawn. It was all I could do not to reach out and squeeze her shoulder—something to let her know that I was still here.

Freaking Alice must have been reading me, because just before the impulse struck me, she grabbed my hand and forced it back to my lap. When I turned to scowl at her, it all but fell from my face from the sheer look of pain in her expression. I only sighed, squeezed her hand and let it go.

The priest began his sermon, we sang a few hymns before members of Kel's family rose to speak. By this time I was fucking struggling. The last funeral I had been to was my father's; I didn't realize how hard it would be. Alice beside me was openly crying.

It was then that Bella, Rach and Nummi stood up. Rach and Nummi spoke first, reading out a sad, but light-hearted poem that brought both tears and laughter from inside the church, while Bella stood fractionally behind them. Then she took the podium. For a moment she caught my gaze and held it before she cleared her throat softly and looked down, unfolding a small piece of paper she held in her hands.

Taking a wavering breath, she began; her voice soft and completely fucking heart wrenching:

"My life goes on without you,  
but nothing is the same.  
I have to hide my heartbreak,  
when someone speaks your name.

Sad are the hearts that love you,  
silent are the tears that fall,  
but living each day without you,  
is the hardest part of all.

You did so many things for me,  
your heart was kind and true.  
And when I needed someone,  
I could always count on you.

You made me laugh, you dried my tears,  
you gave me courage to make me see.  
But I never got to say goodbye,  
or tell you what you mean to me.

The years with you will never return,  
when it was the four of us together  
But, Kel, I swear..."

She broke off, her voice finally breaking. She paused for a moment, trying valiantly to pull herself back from the brink of tears, when she had done so bravely up until that point that I wanted to cry _for_ her. In fact, the pressure building in my throat was almost overwhelming me. I sat and watched her helplessly as a single tear slipped down her cheek. She took another shaky breath in, and pushed through it, her voice a broken, barely audible whisper:

"But Kel, I swear, I will never forget you.  
You will live in my heart forever."

And my heart was shattered.

I cleared my throat, furrowing my brow heavily to stop myself from losing it. The pressure behind my eyes was burning, and seeing Bella so broken almost fucking crippled me.

Beside me, the little rat hugged me, as I pressed the heel of my palm into my eyes, struggling to hold it together.

When I looked back up and over at Bella again, confident that I didn't look too fucked up and distraught, she was being hugged by Nummi and Rach who were completely inconsolable. But Bella wasn't crying like I expected her to be; she had reverted back to that numb, fucking hollow shell.

She took her seat again, her eyes fixed to the floor, as Kel's mother embraced her. Although Bella raised her hands and placed them around her, she seemed to be on autopilot, mechanical, and completely detached.

The next event was a slide show of photos of Kel throughout her life to the most hauntingly fucking sad song I'd ever heard. I glanced down at the program that I had been clutching tightly, and read it: _In The Arms Of An Angel, by Sarah Mclaughlin._

It was fucking shredding me.

I looked back up to the screen and watched as many of the pictures that I'd seen that fucked up day when Bella had come face to face with her mother, came to the screen. To the music they had an even greater impact on me.

With resolve pushing its way to the forefront of my thoughts, I silently vowed that I had to get through to her. I'd hold her in my arms and make it better for her—and I'd make her cry. Because I knew that while she was holding it all in, it was doing her more harm than good.

The service ended and we made our way to the cemetery. Only a hand full of people were there and I felt a little out of place—especially considering that Bella didn't want my support. I kept Alice and I a respectable distance away and watched as Bella dropped a rose on top of Kel's coffin as it was lowered. Outwardly, she seemed in complete control, but behind those normally unfathomably deep eyes, was … emptiness.

**...**

The wake was being held at Kel's parent's house. It was large enough to accommodate the many people that I suddenly noticed had taken a keen interest in Alice and me. A few approached me and asked who I was, immediately taken aback by my obvious American accent. When I explained that I was Bella's friend, this seemed to interest them more. Luckily, Mick rescued me with the offer of a _tinnie_ with him, shortly after.

_Jesus!_

These Australians really had a multitude of ways of saying _beer_. It was no wonder they were so fond of the stuff.

I was just anxious to talk to Bella. I hadn't seen her since we'd arrived and despite the fact that she was obviously emotionally weighed down and didn't want me around her, I had to make sure she was okay; in the barest sense of the word at least.

Clutching a can of _VB_ and telling Mick I'd be back, I went in search for her. I eventually found her out in the rear paddocks, feeding a handful of grass to a white horse.

I approached her apprehensively; she didn't appear to have heard me until she realized I was beside her, when she practically jumped out of her skin.

"Bella..." I began tenderly, but with uncertainty. I didn't really know what to say to her, so I just left it unspoken.

She sighed deeply and dropped her head to the ground momentarily before she turned to me. When she met my gaze again, I realized that I didn't know the girl behind those eyes. I didn't know this Rocherrie girl at all.

"Edward ... just don't ... I..." the words faded from her lips, her forehead creasing. She bit down on her bottom lip, then turned away without another word and walked back inside.

I inhaled a huge breath and let it out with complete frustration. "What the fuck am I going to do with you, Bella?" I muttered to myself a little too bitterly.

I followed behind her about a minute later, determined to give her the space she needed, but feeling more and more uncertain that she'd even want me when it did all finally come spilling out of her.

On my way back to what I was sure was another round of beer drinking with Mick, Rach intercepted me.

"Did she talk to you, Edward?" she asked, her eyes glinting with hope.

I shook my head, and she huffed impatiently.

"I'm getting fed up with this," she grumbled before disappearing into the crowds.

I drank two beers with Mick before giving up the charade and getting a can of coke on the third round. As much as I wanted to bury my sorrows and pass out, I didn't think it would help my cause with Bella in the long run.

I continued to keep a watchful eye out for her; she stayed with Nummi and Alice for the most part. She talked, she ate, she even managed to smile from time to time, but the more I watched her the more it became apparent that she was withdrawing further and further away. It made me feel so fucking anxious and edgy that after a while my back began to ache from the rigid way I was standing.

Towards the end of the day, when the house began emptying, Rach approached me. She sat on the sofa beside me and handed me a can of coke without saying a word. I took it, flashing her a perplexed grin. She looked distracted as she sat there, her forehead piqued with consternation. It was so contrasting with her blotchy, tear streaked face that I found myself staring at her strangely as she continued to sit beside me in silence.

"Are you okay, Rach?" I asked her dubiously.

She huffed out sharply. "I'm going to have to do something drastic with Bella," she finally confessed.

"What do you mean?" I asked her, my brow bunching.

She shook her head to herself suddenly, then abruptly stood up, grabbing my hand as she went. Dragging me behind her, she walked straight up to Bella, and my heart quickened nervously. I wasn't sure what she was planning on doing but immediately my skin all but burst into an open flame.

Rach released my hand then grabbed Bella's. "Nums, you take Edward and Alice back home. Bella and I are gonna go out for a bit."

Bella immediately opened her mouth to protest, but Rach cut her off sharply, "You have no say in this, Bells, sorry."

"Where are you going?" Nummi asked Rach as Bella threw me a scornful glare—as though I had something to do with Rach hijacking her.

I shook my head to her, my expression blank, confused. She only turned her face away, a slight huff escaping her lips.

"Just out. We won't be long," Rach answered simply, before turning to look down at Bella. "Come on, Bells, we'll stop off and get changed first."

And with that she dragged a reluctant grumbling Bella away.

"Christ!" Nummi whispered to herself, reaching up to rub her forehead before her eyes turned to me. "What's going on, Edward?"

I shook my head and shrugged, raising my hands simultaneously. "I have no idea, honestly."

"What do you think she's going to do, Nummi?" Alice asked her, her eyes turning from her to meet mine suspiciously.

I rolled my eyes blatantly. "Jesus, Alice, I said I didn't know anything!" I burst.

Nummi's gaze centered on me for a moment before she shook her head. "When Rach gets an idea in her head..." she left the sentence unfinished as a worried look began working itself behind her eyes.

My heart was thudding, adding to the knots twisting and rolling around in my stomach. I wasn't sure why I felt nervous, but I did, and the look on Nummi's face didn't help to relieve it.

"I guess it's time we left anyway," she mumbled.

Kel's mother hugged Alice and I as we said our goodbyes, whispering an emotionally charged, "Look after her," in my ear before she released me.

I nodded awkwardly, finding her pain practically unbearable and almost, reflexively cowering from it. I knew the devastation in her eyes; I was familiar with the pain on her face. It was too close to memories I had; memories of my own mother's grief not too long ago.

**...**

Nummi didn't say much on the way home; in fact, she was quiet most of the afternoon and into the night as we waited for Rach and Bella to return. At midnight, with no sign of them, we made the pretense of going to bed, though there wasn't a chance any of us would be able to sleep.

I had a shower, taking my time, before dressing into flannel pants and a t-shirt. When I stepped back into the hall, I tapped apprehensively on Nummi's bedroom door.

"They're not back yet, Edward," Alice answered.

I sighed and continued back to the Buzz Lightyear room.

It was about thirty minutes later when a flash of light beamed through the window, followed by the sound of tires coming to a stop on the gravelly driveway, alerting me to their arrival. I half sat up on the bed and sighed with relief, running my hand through my hair subconsciously.

The sounds that I heard next didn't quite register with me. I found myself pausing, my forehead creasing deeply at the sound of Bella ... _laughing_. Not just laughing, but really cracking up, followed by the sound of Rach's voice, her tone bemused, but slightly stern—as though she was talking to a child.

Their voices became louder as they approached my door. Bella's giggling still sounded odd to me while the reason for it still wasn't obvious.

Just as they were passing my door, and while I was debating whether I was going to open it and find out why the sound of Bella laughing didn't quite fit, she burst through it.

"_EDWARD_!" she exclaimed and promptly threw herself into my arms.

All at once it fell into place; she was drunk. Not just drunk, but completely fucking wasted. I could smell the alcohol on her the minute she came through the door; it reeked from her.

I glanced over at Rach and threw her an exasperated look, but she only smiled back, looking remorseful and guilty. "She hasn't let it go yet, but it's only a matter of minutes now I reckon."

Bella immediately pulled from my arms and grabbed both my hands. Looking over my shoulder, I nodded to Rach in understanding before letting Bella drag me further into the room as Rach silently left.

"Come here, Edward, I gotta show ya something?" she said almost maniacally before suddenly jumping up onto the bed, clumsily, almost losing her footing.

I sprang up after her; ready to prevent her going backwards off the bed and breaking her neck. She started giggling again before she began pulling her sweater awkwardly over her head.

"Erm ... Bella..." I mumbled, unsure what the hell I was supposed to do with her, but she'd managed to pull it off, throwing it to the floor.

I groaned beneath my breath, she was wearing a tight fitting, gray singlet top underneath that was so sheer that it was practically transparent. Then she began inching that upwards, exposing her entire stomach and her—

"Do you like it?" she asked, biting her lip, her eyes wide and bright.

She had her belly button pierced.

"Umm, it's—" I began, feeling a rapid surge of heat plough through my veins before Bella grabbed both my hands and placed them over top of the sexy as all hell piercing.

"Feel it—it doesn't even hurt!"

Her skin was sultry warm and smooth, and through her skin I could feel her abdominal muscles twitch from my touch. It was right about then that every primal instinct that had awoken all through the whole saga with Bella suddenly leaped into action. Bella might have been completely hammered, but it didn't stop my brain from calling every desire I had for her to come out and play.

It didn't help that right then she grabbed me by the waist band of my pajama pants and pulled me flush against her.

Of course, with my brain and my dick now working against me, I instinctively reacted to her, pressing completely unrestrained in my flannel pants into her lower abdomen.

She pulled back and gazed up at me, an eyebrow cocked, her eyes twinkling deviously. "Well hello, _Daddy_!"

"Bell—" I began, when she suddenly smashed her lips against mine, and ironically my stomach churned. I could taste the metallic flavor of alcohol on them.

I pulled her back gently; she was smiling drunkenly, swaying a little. She reacted by wrapping her arms around my neck and running her fingers through my hair.

"Edward?" she whispered, her hot, vodka laced breath washing over my ear, just as another insurgence of mutinous desire burned through me.

"Yeah?" I asked, my voice catching. I cleared it and swallowed quickly.

"I want to see if you really do have a big pen."

_Oh Jesus!_

"Show me?" she continued to half speak, half slur. Her lips brushed my ear lobe before she gazed up at me through her long thick eyelashes in a way that was completely too erotic for someone so fucked up drunk.

"Sweetie, how about we get you some coffee?" I cleared my throat again, wanting to slap some nonverbal sense into myself.

"Mmm ... nope." And with that she inched her fingers under the waist band of my pajama pants, almost coming into direct contact with me, before I quickly pulled her hands free.

"Oh, God, Bella..." I sighed and brought her hands up to my lips. "You can't do that…"

What the fuck was I saying?

She just stared up at me, her eyes widening. "You don't want me too?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but Bella had merged her lips with mine again, and for a brief moment all my will power practically came crashing down upon her.

"Bella?" I mumbled with her mouth still pressed against mine. Again, I gently pulled her back and sighed. "You have no idea how much I want you to, but I can't in all honesty take advantage of you like this."

She wasn't listening. Her mouth was curving into a drunken smile while her eyes had zeroed in on my lips as I spoke. "Oh ... Edward. Always thinking too much. Way, way, waaaaay too much."

I scoffed softly, smiling to myself—finding her so incredibly adorably funny drunk—before I wrapped my arm around her waist and tentatively helped her down off the bed. "Come on, beautiful, we're going to get a lot of coffee into you."

She started shaking her head and pushed away from me, staggering a little. I reached out to immediately steady her.

"Noooo. No coffee, Ed—" she hiccuped, "—_wud._ I want you to take ad-vantage of me." She swayed, smiling up at me slyly again.

"Coffee first, then I'll take advantage of you, okay?"

She shook her head again and placed both her hands on my chest stopping me. "Just talk to me for a while ... kay?"

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked her, reaching out to tuck a long strand of her wavy thick hair behind her ear, my voice dropping too soft.

I was one sick, horny bastard!

"I want to talk 'bout how much of a _spunk _you are!" She reached out and took my hands, before stepping closer to me and angling her face to mine. "And how when y-you take your clothes off in Bio it makes me _red-hot_ crazy." Her voice lowered, but her words were slurring more and more. "And how when you talk, I don't hear nuthin' else ... and when you touch me," she paused and placed both my hands on her upper sides, so that my thumbs were covering the soft, fleshy skin of her breasts, "I don't _feel_ nuthin' else."

Oh Jesus—fuck! I was in trouble!

She staggered against me and for a minute was still.

Taking a long breath, and removing my hands from groping her, I wrapped them around her almost holding her up against me. Then suddenly she had a burst of energy and pushed back off me again.

"You want me to take my clothes off for you, Ed—wud?" And before I could answer she was pulling down her jeans and staggering around trying to get her shoes off.

"No-no-no, Bella. I'll take a rain check—oh shit!"

She'd collapsed on the floor in a fit of giggles. I knelt down to her, then with both my hands under her armpits, the way your father might pick you up when you're little, I helped her to her feet.

"Take my shoes off for me, Edward." She sighed a short huff of alcohol-scented air. "I'm _hot_!"

She was. She seemed to have a fire burning beneath her skin, traveling straight to her chest and burning her cheeks.

I sat her gingerly down on the edge of the bed and tried not to let my eyes linger on the fact that she was barely clothed and wearing only her underwear and a sheer material singlet thing that revealed her breasts.

While I struggled to untie her shoes, my hands sweaty and all freaking thumbs, she bent closer to me, leaned her elbows on my shoulders, and ran her fingers idly through my hair. Then suddenly, just as I was getting a fucking hard on, she flopped back against the bed and placed her hands over her eyes.

I managed to untie her shoes, before I took her jeans completely off, ordering my semi-erection to cease and desist.

"Okay, coffee now," I said, speaking to her sternly, my brow raising as I looked into her eyes. They were bright, glistening and completely alive. So completely the opposite from Bella that afternoon.

Maybe what Rach had done by getting her drunk was a positive—if I could get her to talk before she passed out cold, that is.

I pulled her gently to her feet again. She sluggishly collapsed against my side and hiccupped again. "Yes, dad."

Just then the door opened and Nummi poked her head apprehensively into the room. Bella noticed her and pulled from my arms in another sudden burst of energy.

"_NUMMI_!" she squealed out, making the stunned expression on Nummi's face almost comical before Bella rammed into her, almost barreling her over.

"Ah ... Bells?" Nummi asked after she righted the two of them. "What have you been up to?"

"Well ... as my very classy mother would say, I'm _pissed_!" Was Bella's response, giggling again and breaking off to hiccup.

"That's a little obvious," Nummi replied trying to suppress her smile.

"Numsi!" Bella suddenly gushed, turning back to me. "Edward is showing me his big pen!"

_Oh fuck!_

I groaned inwardly as Nummi glanced at me quirking an eyebrow, with a hint of suspicion.

I shook my head slightly, though I guess the anxious expression on my face for her to believe me, probably made me look all the more guilty.

"And he takes his clothes off every day for me just so I can majorly perv on him," Bella blabbered on. She turned to flash me a devilishly flirtatious smirk, as an immediate grin pulled wide on my lips.

Fuck, I couldn't help it.

"Um ... honey?" Nummi began trying to be gentle but all but bursting into laughter. "Remember the time Rach got drunk and she made a total dag of herself? That's you right now, babe."

"Huh?" Bella screwed her face up and stared at Nummi as if she was insane. "I'm not really drunk ... am—am I?" she glanced at me suddenly looking uncertain.

"Just a bit, sweetie," I answered her, gently.

She sighed, her face suddenly falling, her shoulders slumping. "I guess it's official then. I have turned into my mother."

"Bells, you couldn't turn into your mother even if you were trying, and if you ever say that to me again, I'll slap it out of you," Nummi said, almost seriously.

I sighed and rubbed the back of my head. "Look, I've got her, Nummi. You go to bed; you look pretty hammered."

Nummi looked at me in contemplation for a moment. "Are you sure?"

I nodded. "Trust me, I've got it."

Her eyes flickered to Bella then back to me, her lips twitching. "Okay, but I reckon you've got about ... ten seconds to get her to the bathroom."

Right at that moment Bella moaned softly and slumped up against the wall, her face white as a sheet, her arms wrapping around her stomach. "Oh god ... I don't feel—"

"Oh crap!" I muttered.

Grabbing her by the waist, probably too roughly, I half dragged, half carried her into the bathroom, all but running and getting her to the toilet without an inch to spare before she threw up a huge stream, of mostly alcohol.

I grabbed her hair out of her face and held it back as she repeatedly heaved her stomach up. After about five successive rounds of it, she stopped for a minute and slumped a little, whimpering.

"Edward!" she exclaimed suddenly, half sobbing, her voice hoarse and echoing pitifully into the ceramic bowl that she was gripping the sides of. "Get out of here!"

"Sorry, sweetheart, but I'm not going anywhere," I replied tenderly, but firmly—stubbornly. She wasn't pushing me away this time.

She looked like she wanted to push it but instead went into another round of throwing up; her body jerking each time her stomach lunged.

I rubbed her back soothingly, keeping my other hand fastened around her hair, away from her face.

Her skin was burning and everywhere beads of perspiration were breaking out across her body, until they became droplets running the length of her. Down her arms; her bare legs; her chest. Every square inch of her body was literally wet and glistening.

And still she continued to throw up.

Just when I was beginning to worry that it seemed excessive, contemplating the thought of calling Alice, she finally stopped. Still gripping the rim of the toilet bowl desperately, she slumped to the side of it, whimpering. I moved forward, hastily flushing it, before wrapping my arms around her, supporting her weight. I was amazed by the heat that was coming off her.

She sobbed weakly and with complete self-pity.

"You're okay," I murmured gently to her, pressing my lips to the top of her damp head.

Looking over my shoulder, I searched the bathroom for something to cool her down with; I spotted a flannel dangling over the basin. Leaving Bella for no longer than ten seconds, I grabbed it and soaked it under the cold water. Kneeling back behind her again, I gingerly moved her hair to the side and placed it against the back of her neck. She shuddered lightly before pushing herself weakly off the rim of the toilet. With my arm still wrapped securely around her waist, I pulled her carefully back against me, before she all but collapsed unconscious against my chest, whimpering again.

"You okay, sweetie?" I asked her softly, my lips grazing her burning earlobe.

She nodded, it was a slow, sluggish motion, and barely noticeable over the rapid movement of her chest, as it rose and fell deeply. She Let her head slide sideways a fraction and closed her eyes. Her forehead was creased and she was tense in my arms and completely on fire.

Tentatively, I wiped the damp flannel across her forehead and cheeks then squeezed it against her parted lips. She swallowed, her forehead puckering a little, before moaning softly and seeming to relax a fraction.

I ran the damp cloth down her arms, squeezing droplets of water that trickled down her searing skin. She flinched and grabbed my arm—the one that was still holding her against me. For a moment, I thought she was going to pull from my arms, but instead she gripped it tightly with both her hands and let out a long wavering breath.

I kissed the side of her damp, burning brow, resting my lips against it for a moment longer as I exhaled deeply through my nose, closing my eyes. "Oh, fuck, Bella ... what am I going to do with you?" I mumbled to myself.

She was silent, dozing; the only noise in the room was the heavy, quick sound of her breathing

Still clutching the flannel, I circled my other arm around her, careful not to disturb her. I could feel her temple pounding; in fact, I could feel her pulse racing through every pore of her skin, and she continued to almost literally pour with water.

Beads of sweat would trickle from the nape of her neck down between her breasts, and it was all I could do not to be mesmerized by it. The singlet top she wore was so damp that it clung to her breasts and stomach, molding against her skin. She was lying in my arms almost naked, her bare, slim leg draped over my flannel covered one, holding me tightly against her. I knew she was drunk but it was hard not getting affected by her when every primal urge within me remained on high alert.

After a while she stirred and her eyes opened. Blinking a few times, she just seemed to gaze blankly around the room. Her breathing had slowed and her skin was beginning to cool. She tightened her grip on my arms then tilted her head to look up at me; almost as if to see if I was still there.

As her eyes met mine, I flashed her a broad affectionate grin, and a faint smile appeared on her face, almost turning wry.

"I really am going to have to kill you now, Edward..." she mumbled. Her voice was still hoarse and weak, but it almost sounded shrewd; almost like my old Bella.

I laughed softly. "Why is that?"

"Because ... you've seem me ... like this," she answered, taking a long weary breath.

I sighed, and rested my lips and nose gently on top of her head. "Bella," I began, shifting her delicately so that she sat a little more upright and completely against me, "this was me just a few months ago, and I had _Jazz_ with me." I paused, cleared my throat, lowered my voice, then put forth my best Jazz impression, "_If you puke over me, douche-bag, I'll cork your mouth up with your balls_."

Despite the hoarseness to her voice, she broke into the sweetest sounding laugh. The sound of it warmed me as her back shook lightly against my chest.

I continued, "Have you noticed that Jazz has a serious preoccupation with his balls?" I asked her.

She shook her head, her shoulders still shaking with soft laughter.

I chuckled, kissing her brow again quickly. "I swear every second thing he says is _balls." _I did my Jazz impersonation again while Bella's laughter increased a notch. "_Dude, your balls are in Bella's handbag; Alice will rip my balls off; Rose will wear my balls as a necklace. Balls, balls, balls, freaking balls_."

Her laughter continued, so much so that she tensed and became breathless, struggling with it.

I bent my mouth to her ear and said softly, lightly, "You have to promise not to tell Alice on me, okay?"

Her shoulders still shook against my chest, but as I tightened my arms around her, I instantly noticed the change in her frame; she had gone rigid.

After expelling a long, shuddering breath, she drew in another one sharply, and it suddenly became obvious that she was no longer laughing. She released her grip on my arms and bent her face to cover it with her hands. She continued shuddering but it was obvious now it was from her tears.

I pressed my cheek to the top of her head and clung to her, holding her tightly. "Bella ... honey, I'm so sorry," I murmured, with a heavy sigh.

After another sharp intake of air, her sobs became audible. She started shaking her head back and forth, still covering her face, until she completely broke down.

She was finally surrendering, accepting; something she had been trying so desperately to evade.

"It ... it ... it should have been m-me," she uttered through fractured sobs.

"Hey!" I replied firmly, but keeping my voice gentle. "Don't you dare say that."

She just shook her head more, continuing stubbornly as her body jerked through her tears. "I'm nothing—n-no one. She was e-_everything_."

"Bella, stop! That's not true. Everyone _adores_ you—e_veryone,_ Bella," I insisted, my tone serious, but adamant.

She attempted to reply, shaking her head more, but the tears had finally won out. She cried and cried uncontrollably, her chest jerking and heaving, gasping for air as her tears poured in steady streams down her face and onto my arms as I held her to me.

I knew this was exactly what she needed but it was fucking painful to bear. I closed my eyes and pressed my lips to the side of her temple, feeling her pain echoing in heavy creases across my forehead. Eventually, I turned her around, propping myself up on my knees. Then, cradling her gently in my arms, I rocked her back and forth in a slow, soothing motion while the sound of her tears was like a fucking vice on my heart.

She was curled into a tightly wound ball, her hands still clamped over her face, but gradually she released them and wrapped them tentatively around my back. Her entire body was jerking as she attempted to breathe through her sobs. I buried my face into her hair and continued rocking her, until slowly she began to calm.

"E-Edward?" she asked after a while. She looked up at me, her chest doing that uncontrollable hiccupping shit.

"Yeah, honey?" I answered her softly.

"Please tell me it's a dream," she pleaded, her voice wavering and heart breaking.

"Baby ... I would tell you if I could—you know that, but I can't," I said to her as gently as I could manage, but it still didn't stop me from feeling like a giant prick.

She closed her eyes, her face completely distorted with pain, and nodded. I could only press my lips to the top of her head as fresh tears slipped from her closed lashes.

She tightened her arms around me, grabbing the back of my t-shirt and wringing it tightly in her hands. "How ... am I going to get p-passed this, Edward?" she asked, her breath erupting from her in another shuddering spasm.

"It will get easier, honey," I promised her. "I know it's hard to believe right now, but it will."

"I-I just want to see her one last time. I never got to say goodbye! Please, Edward!" She was pleading with me, as if I could change it for her, and it fucking splintered my heart.

I couldn't tell her, so I said nothing; I only pulled her tighter to me, and continued rocking her.

She suddenly pushed back from me and sat back on her knees. She wiped her eyes, over and over stubbornly, but the tears kept falling steadily down her cheeks. She looked so completely, pitifully beautiful while a complete mess at the same time that I smiled at her tenderly, sadly and took both her hands in mine.

"Don't fight it, honey, okay?"

She nodded, her face crumbling a little further. "I-I can't do ... this, E-Edward," she cried, leaning forward and resting her forehead on my shoulder.

Placing both my hands to cup her face, I tilted her to meet me eyes. "You can do it, baby, because I'm going to be here to get you through it—I promise."

She only nodded, her tears lessening, her eyes turning solemn. "You're not mad at me?" Her chest jerked again, and she suddenly looked so fucking innocent and lost that it threatened to compromise me.

I smiled, too softly, pushing it through my nose, before kissing her forehead. "Why would I be mad at you?" I asked her, moving back to look into her eyes again.

She leaned closer to me again, her nose and lips pressing gently against the base of my throat, her breath gushing from her. 'Because I was so horrible to you…" she whispered.

"I'm not mad at you, baby," I murmured with a husky voice, resting my lips on top of her head, and encircling my arms around her again.

She pulled back again abruptly and shook her head. "You should be, because you have been completely wonderful, and I've ... I've..." the words died on her lips while she just stared at me; almost as if she was seeing me for the first time.

"Come here." I sighed, sitting back down on the bathroom floor and pulling her onto my lap—she immediately snuggled against my chest. I wrapped my arms around her securely and rested my chin on top of her head, exhaling deeply before I continued. "Just listen to me for a minute, okay?" I asked her, speaking softly.

What I was planning to tell her wasn't going to be easy.

When she nodded, I started, "When they didn't think Alice was going to make it, before the bone marrow transplant, I went completely off the rails. I hated the world and I wanted to make everyone feel ... as much pain as I was. On top of everything there were all these rumors going around about her. She was a junkie; a prostitute; she had AIDS," I stopped for a minute and shook my head, feeling the same angry bitterness rise within me. "I was a ticking time bomb, Bella, and one day, after my mother made me go to school, I heard Alice's name coming from a group of kids. I turned around, and Jake was there and he was laughing. I was so angry that I jumped him. I punched him—I continued punching him over and over. I took all my anger and pain out on him, but it didn't do anything, so I just kept on going. Eventually, it took a bunch of people to pull me off him. Jake had blood pouring down his face, but I didn't care. I wanted to kill him. They hauled my ass to the office and then your uncle dragged me to a jail cell. He wanted to charge me with assault and by the look in his eyes he wanted to do a lot more than that. It was only because Carlisle came down to the station and explained everything with Alice that he let me go," I stopped and cleared my throat softly, feeling my face prickle with shame.

Bella was still; her breathing was even. For a moment, I thought she was asleep, before I realized she was listening quietly, her expression stricken while silent tears continued to slip down her face.

I planted a kiss on top of her head. "I know, baby, that when you're hurting, you say things and you do things that you don't mean."

She nodded numbly and attempted to inhale back her tears, expelling it deeply. She was trying in vain to stop her tears, until again, she completely succumbed to them. She cried freely in my arms, her entire body quivering uncontrollably and seizing with her sobs. I just held her to my chest, feeling her hot salty tears dampen my t-shirt, reminding myself again, that as much as it completely fucked with me to see her in so much pain, it was something I had to get her through.

Finally, her tears stopped and the only sound from her was the shaky, reflexive jerking of her chest as she calmed. It wasn't long after that she finally fell quiet, before she grew heavy and limp in my arms, while her hands gently slipped from around me. Tentatively, I tilted my head to look down at her, an involuntary smile quickly forming on my lips. Her face was squashed against my chest, all tear streaked and blotchy.

Too fucking adorable to comprehend.

There was a timid knock at the door before it opened slowly.

It was all three of them; Nummi, Rach and Alice.

"How is she?" Nummi asked softly.

"She's okay," I whispered.

They were all gazing at Bella collectively as though she was Bambi with a broken leg.

"You need some help getting her to bed?" Rach asked.

"I should be ok." Struggling and almost falling backwards, I managed to get to my feet with Bella's limp body in my arms. She was a dead weight, and heavy.

She stirred, almost jolting, before immediately clinging to me as if I was the last person she had left.

Alice held the door open for me before I carried Bella gently into the hall, towards Nummi's room.

"Don't leave me, Edward," she mumbled softly—it was almost a sob. She sluggishly took fistfuls of my shirt in her hands, holding on to me tighter, just in case I might have contemplated the idea.

I glanced up and met Nummi's gaze.

"Take her with you to your room," she said, before I could tell her that Bella was staying with me.

I nodded; I wasn't going to leave her. Whether it was with all of them or with just her and I, there was no chance I was letting her go.

"Do you want me to get a bucket or something?" Rach asked gently.

I smiled wryly. "Honestly, I don't think there could possibly be anything left in her stomach."

"We heard," Alice replied, knotting her forehead and grimacing.

When I got Bella into my room, I attempted to lay her on the bed, but she only clung to me more.

"Honey, I'm not letting you go. I'm just going to lie you down on the bed."

"Just talk to me for a while," she said; a barely audible and hoarse whisper.

"Okay," I replied, my voice gentle. "How about we get in bed and talk?"

She nodded sleepily, then awkwardly I somehow managed to climb onto the bed while carrying her, stretch the two of us out, and pull the blanket to cover us.

She seemed to relax, then with a deep, releasing sigh she snuggled into me further, laying her head on my chest. I smoothed her hair back from her face and planted a tender kiss on her forehead. She curled her legs around mine, before her hand reached for my mine. I caught it, brought it to my lips, before allowing it to rest with hers, where she slowly threaded our fingers together.

"Sleep, baby, okay?"

Taking a final shuddering breath in and releasing it, she relaxed fully into me and nodded with a drowsy, "Mm-hmm".

A few minutes later, just when I was convinced that she was finally asleep, she stirred.

"Edward?" she asked softly.

"Mmmm?" was my response. I tightened my arm that was around her waist, squeezing her tenderly.

"In a while ... crocodile," she mumbled sleepily.

I broke into a soft chuckle, quickly smothering it through my nose so I wouldn't fully wake her. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you too," she whispered.

* * *

**A/N: K a little bit cheesy, but ...*Le sigh* I love this chapter.**


	34. You Found Me

**A/N: Ugh ... hangovers... Something I've never had =P**

* * *

**Chapter 34**

**You Found Me**

**Bella's POV**

Kel and I were in a boat; one of those little dingy things that offered practically no protection from capsizing—or drowning.

Why? I had no idea.

The sea was rough. I could hear the whooshing as we went up and down on the water, but I didn't see the swirl. And I was sea-sick—oh God was I ever sea sick.

I was hanging over the edge, groaning loudly each time the dingy went up and down on the swell. It was almost as if it was breathing, and my stomach was rolling right along with it.

"Kel, get me off this thing!" I pleaded pitifully.

She just smiled at me while her obvious amusement at my predicament pulled her lips even wider. "No can do, Hells Bells."

"You enjoy watching me suffer don't you," I grumbled.

Eventually I pulled myself back from hanging over the rim of the small boat—only when I was confident that I wasn't going to heave my guts up over board.

Kel was just watching me, a look of consternation dominating her expression. She rolled her eyes. "Of course I do. Isabella, you are the champion of the world when it comes to melodrama—you know that?"

I glanced up at her, then around us. I felt my forehead instantly pucker at the sudden realisation of how odd the scene was. Kel was sitting on the edge of the dingy, her legs stretched out before her and crossed at the ankles with her arms folded. All completely at ease, as though we weren't out at sea in rough weather.

I continued to stare at her, blinking with confusion. "Where are we?" I asked finally.

"You're in Nummi's brother's room with Edward. And me? Well ... I'm with you." She shrugged nonchalantly.

I sat up a little straighter in the boat. Still it continued to surge up and down, over and over; never ending. "But ... we're in a boat…"

"Are we?" She raised her brow, her grin twitching into effect.

Our scenery changed but with the feeling that it hadn't at all. We weren't in a boat any more. Now, we were on my bed—in my room at Uncle Billy's, in Forks. And Edward was definitely not here with us.

"What's going..." I let my voice trail off, growing more confused.

Kel huffed with an affectionate kind of exasperation. "Would you just shut up and stop trying to work it out. I made you feel better—for a while anyway."

I continued to stare at her when it suddenly hit me, all in a rush, almost knocking the air from my lungs. I promptly threw my arms around her, and the relief I felt from the feeling of her soft, warm, _tangible_ body caused an immediate sob to rise out from me. "Kel ... you're here! But-but, you _died_!"

"No I _bloody_ didn't!" she declared, sounding offended for a moment before she sighed and lowered her voice. "I'm not dead, Bells. I'm just ... somewhere else."

She let me cling to her for a second or two before gently prising herself from my vice-like grip, by placing her palms against my shoulders and moving me back. She stared at me resolutely for a moment before her expression darkened. "Bells, I want you to stop punishing yourself. It's pissing me off—seriously. And you're making it worse for Rach and Nummi. They're already upset at the thought of you leaving again soon."

I blinked slowly, taking her words properly in before I felt my face flush with shame. I didn't realise I'd been punishing myself—intentionally anyway, and I certainly hadn't meant to hurt Rach and Nummi further. It had just become so hard to deal with that I'd pulled back.

"I'm so—" I began, but Kel immediately interjected.

"You say sorry and I'll kick your arse!"

"I'm sorry," I said before quickly bringing my hand to my mouth, abashed and apologetic.

Kel quirked an eyebrow, her lips edging with a knowing grin before she openly rolled her eyes.

We both burst into laughter.

But, like the complete idiot that I was, I still apologised—a couple more times before I was done—completely involuntarily.

Shaking her head, Kel eventually grabbed my pillow and started whacking me with it.

"Bloody hell, Bells!" she burst, her laughter dying down. "Why do you always feel responsible for everything?"

I sat myself cross-legged on my bed and clasped my hands in my lap in thought. After thinking about it for a moment, I came up blank and shrugged slightly. "Guilty conscience?"

She huffed, drawing it out into a frustrated but good natured groan. "You're hopeless! But, Bells, I'm the one who should be sorry. Just when you got settled I had to go and turn it all upside down on you."

"Stop being a dag. As if you could help it," I mumbled, glancing down at my hands just as a deep seated sadness washed over me.

She slung her arm over my shoulder. It was her—body and soul. Not gone, but right here with me.

I took a deep breath, my eyes suddenly welling with tears. "You can see me but I can't see you, right? That's how it goes, isn't it?"

She sighed regrettably. "Pretty much. But you can feel me, Bells, and I'll let you know when I'm around you, okay?"

I nodded quickly and inhaled back the threat of tears. "Okay," I agreed softly.

"Now down to business..." she began.

I looked up at her expectantly, curiously. "What business?"

"For one; your _mother,_" she answered. Her tone tightened, but otherwise she was serious, and she was gazing down at me with almost ... disappointment.

"What about her?" I asked, feeling the prickle of shame again.

"Ya got to let her go, Bells, but first..." Her voice trailed off as a devious smile began to hint on her lips.

"First…?" I pressed her.

"Next time you see her, do me a favour?"

"Okay..." I answered with trepidation.

"Tell that bitch to _fuck herself_!"

I opened my mouth to respond, but hesitated.

"Bella, she's jealous of you, she always has been. But now ... " she paused and threw me a small teasing smirk, "but now you come back to town with Mr tall, handsome, and looks down right obscene in an akubra, and she's so green if she moved to Forks she'd be camouflaged."

I broke into a small, light chuckle.

"That reminds me—about Edward..." she suddenly switched tune and looked at me thoughtfully, concern hinting behind her eyes.

"What about Edward...? I asked slowly, my heart pausing nervously.

"He loves you, Bells, so go easy on him, okay?" she was smiling again, warmly.

I felt my brow bunch. I was relieved, but it felt like there was more that she wanted to say but didn't.

"Okay," I finally answered.

"And I'm serious, Bells. I don't want you letting Renee get in the way of your life any more. Promise me?" she was serious again and gazing into my eyes intently.

"I promise," I vowed sincerely with a sigh, nodding my head as further admission.

"Okay, I gotta go."

"No!" I burst. I reached over to grab her, to keep her with me, but she intercepted my hands, grabbing them and guiding them back to my lap.

She rolled her eyes. "You're being melodramatic again, Bells."

And suddenly we were back in the unbalanced dingy, and instantly I was wracked with sea sickness again. The whooshing sound was back, but it was overshadowed by the panicked thudding of my heart at the prospect of her leaving.

"Stay with me, Kel," I pleaded with her. I knew it was pointless but the words flew out of my mouth anyway.

"Bells..." She sighed. She just gazed at me sadly for a moment before she pulled me impulsively into her arms. "I love you, Bella," she whispered, her voice breaking softly before she released me again. She smiled at me, her momentary sadness immediately replaced with warmth. It was the way she always smiled at me.

I was crying, hopelessly, clinging to the image of her as it began to blur behind my tears. "Goodbye, Kels."

A warm arm tightened around me and gentle fingers brushed my hair from my face. "Hey?" Edward's soft, croaky voice spoke.

I opened my eyes, slowly and as soon as they were exposed to the light, I jolted and groaned softly. My head was throbbing—literally thumping, and the sound of my own voice was like a jackhammer.

I closed my eyes again immediately, realising that I still felt sea sick—that it wasn't a dream. Only, I was no longer in a boat. I still seemed to be rising and falling—my stomach churning with it—while the whooshing sound echoing around me sounded more like an explosion, assaulting my ears.

I groaned again pitifully, almost sobbing with it, as I became more and more aware of how horribly sick I felt. My mouth was parched, bone dry and my tongue felt like it was an old sock. I tried to swallow, only to realise the disgusting taste in my mouth that made my stomach lunge.

I groaned again weakly, feeling too sick to manage anything louder.

"You okay, honey?" Edward's voice again, a decibel above a whisper, but it still made me flinch.

"Edward ... don't talk too loud ... please," I managed to reply, barely audible. Just speaking—if it could be called that—caused a wave of nausea to roll over me. Moaning, I squeezed my eyes shut.

I was still going up and down and together with the horrible taste in my mouth, I was sure I was going to be sick.

I opened my eyes again; they were stinging and the light was torture. After a moment, when I was sure my head wouldn't split in half, I sluggishly processed my surroundings. I was lying with Edward, with my head resting on his chest as I immediately became aware of his warm body beneath mine, my legs tangled with his, my arms wrapped around him. The whooshing wasn't some strange dream of being sea sick, it was him breathing. It was the motion of me, rising and falling on top of his chest.

Weakly, I pushed myself from his arms and let myself flop stomach first on the mattress beside him. My head felt like a bowling ball and the simple motion of moving, only a fraction, made another round of nausea rage through me again.

I groaned, whimpering with it this time, but there was only one thing that held me together. The silent, adamant vow I made myself that I would _not _throw up in front of Edward.

I closed my eyes, attempting to calm myself and slow my breathing. I felt Edward's fingers in my hair again, gently brushing it aside, before they moved to my back, where he rubbed slow, soothing circles into my skin. I let out my breath and relaxed a little. The feel of his touch was comforting, almost healing. I took another heavy breath and moaned softly, but this time it wasn't just from self-pity. His fingers were causing a fuzzy, warm feeling to run through my veins, and it was blessedly distracting from the disgusting condition I was in.

"Is there anything I can get you, Bella?" he asked me, consciously lowering the pitch of his voice.

I kept my eyes closed and focused on his hand as it continued to rub gentle circles into my back.

"A glass of water," I mumbled after a moment. My mouth was completely dry. I could barely swallow and I had to get rid of the taste of dead cat in my mouth—and as soon as possible.

He removed his hand, and I felt him carefully get off the bed. But still, as it dipped then sprang back up, the motion of it made my stomach roll terribly. I immediately groaned but took a deep breath, telling myself over and over again that I would not throw up anywhere near the vicinity of Edward—I wouldn't!

While I internally commanded myself this—as I watched Edward leave the room, wearing a pair of blue checked flannel pants that sat low on his hips—my memories from the night before began slowly trickling back to me.

Rach took me out, first to her sisters, then to ... some bar. It was there that she kept pushing drink after drink at me until I finally gave in and started drinking them. After that it got hazy; I was with Edward, and then...

_Oh god!_

My memories became even more confusing and disjointed, but I was pretty sure I spent the majority of the night throwing up in the bathroom, with Edward ... beside me.

_Oh God, oh God!_

I brought my hands to cover my face just as I was inundated with more memories that did nothing to give me comfort. I curled myself up into a ball, burying my face behind my arms as the grimness of it became a mortifying reality.

I wanted to die.

I heard Edward come back into the room; I opened my eyes and peaked over at him. He smiled at me and my heart had the audacity to accelerate. He was smiling the way he usually did whenever I spoke something stupidly Australian, only it was laced with sympathy.

When he reached the bed, he kneeled down in front of me. He held a glass of water up then opened his other palm, revealing two aspirins.

"Compliments of Carol," he said, still making an obvious effort to keep his voice soft, while his smiled broadened a fraction.

I nodded before clamping my eyes shut, trying to shut out more images from becoming clear to me.

But they pushed through regardless, and ended with me sitting with Edward on the bathroom floor, crying over and over before he carried me to bed...

When I opened my eyes again Edward was looking at me, his head cocked, his eyebrows coming together. "You okay...?"

"No, but I will be," I spoke, my voice raspy. I scoffed out a noise that I'd intended to be a humourless laugh.

His smile twitched an inch wider; he almost chuckled to himself. He definitely seemed amused, though he was looking at me the way someone does when a baby sneezes. I only hoped he wasn't thinking about what I'd said or did the night before to make a complete idiot of myself. Thankfully, I didn't recall anything that made me want to throw myself off a cliff—yet.

I sighed and reached over to take the glass from his hand.

"Do you think you can sit up?" he asked me, his voice reverting back to concern.

The idea did not appeal to me, especially with my renewed vow not to throw up in front of him—_again_. But I knew the water would make me feel better and I couldn't drink it lying on my face.

I took a measured breath and tentatively made the effort to at least attempt to pull myself up. But as soon as I moved only partially vertical my head began to throb more violently before it started spinning. I groaned and let myself fall back, face first into the mattress with a pathetic sounding sob.

"Oh god..." I moaned, covering my eyes from the light again.

I heard Edward exhale shortly through his nose. I suspected he was chuckling to himself and when I looked up at him he was giving me that smile again.

I pressed my palms further into my eyes feeling the heat of mortification prickle my face. "Edward, stop looking at me like that." I sighed with a strained voice as I attempted to combat my nausea. "I feel like crap and I probably look just as horrendous."

This time he did chuckle. "You look like you've seen better days, Bella. I won't lie to you."

My only response was a fractured groan, only half derived from my pitiful state.

With my eyes clamped shut still, I heard him place the glass on the bedside table. Then, gently pulling the pillow out from under me, he sat on the bed and moved me slightly so that my head rested in his flannel covered lap.

I sighed deeply and lifted an arm so that it slung over his knees.

"Edward?" I asked softly.

"Mmm-hmm?"

"I'm sorry for the way I've been. What I said to you the other day—"

He interjected gently, just as I was instilled with a sense of deja vu. "Bella, we went over this last night. You don't have to be sorry."

Just as the words left his mouth, I was engulfed by a memory of Edward telling me his history with Jacob. But still, it seemed so surreal and hazy that I wasn't totally convinced that it actually did happen.

I was lost in contemplation over it, glad for the distraction when I felt the back of Edward's fingers sweeping my hair tenderly back from my brow.

"Okay...?" he pressed me gently.

I nodded, sighing softly in resignation.

I had to get up and drink the water before my tongue shrivelled up and my head imploded, so with one hand on his knee and the other on the mattress beneath me, I pushed myself tentatively up. Edward helped me sit fully upright as a huge wave of motion sickness washed over me.

I squeezed my eyes shut and breathed deeply, trying desperately to overcome it. "Just give me a minute," I whispered.

My head was hammering and I felt so light headed that I slumped up against Edward; whose arm immediately wrapped around my back.

"Bella ... you're going green," he observed with a trace of alarm, though his voice almost sounded echoed. "Do you want me to take you to the bathroom?"

I shook my head, sluggishly, continuing to breathe evenly, concentrating on nothing else. Eventually the nausea and faintness subsided, though for one horrifying moment I was completely convinced that I would puke all over Edward's flannel jammies.

However, when I opened my eyes the fact that I felt sicker than I'd ever felt in my entire life suddenly became completely irrelevant.

"Edward ... where are my clothes?" I was wearing only my underwear and a singlet top that I don't think I even owned, but was almost totally see-through. I wrapped my arms hastily across my chest self-consciously before I dragged the buzz Lighyear doona to cover myself more modestly.

"Erm..."

I looked up at him; he was doing the when-Bella-talks-like-a-bogan-it's-so-freaking-cute smile.

"Did I throw up over them?" I asked, running a mortified hand through my hair, where it instantly became tangled.

"No," he replied, the amusement clearly in his tone as I worked to prise my fingers free of my matted excuse for hair. "You ..." he paused and cleared his throat subtly—it was like a stone dropping on my head, "you … stripped for me."

_Oh fuck, kill me now!_

Heat immediately flooded to my face and with the throbbing going on inside my head, I was convinced it would explode. I pulled the doona up to my face and hid myself behind it, hoping the floor would open up and I could disappear for the next ten years. "Oh god..." I muttered, beyond absolute mortification.

"But partly to show me your belly ring," he added quickly, while delicately trying to tug the quilt back down from my face.

I paused and looked up at him, feeling my face crease deeply; convinced I'd heard wrong. "My... what?"

"Your belly ring," he repeated. The smile again.

I sighed.

He was definitely amused again. In fact, he managed to pull it off with way too much charm, and it only succeeded in making my face flush more prominently. I tore my eyes from his, lowered the doona—all too conscious that my chest was practically in full view—and focused on my stomach with a sense of resignation.

"I don't have a belly ring," I mumbled confused, but still adamant as I inched my shirt up simultaneously.

_Yes, I do..._

"Oh God."

It was there, glittering from my navel in full glory looking red and tender. I groaned again and this time successfully managed a full-fledged, humourless laugh.

Edward drew me closer to him, murmuring in my ear; still sounding altogether too charming for someone who was completely enjoying my predicament. "I actually kind of like it, but where the hell did you get it done?"

"Rach's sister," I answered, beginning to have vengeful, murderous thoughts.

"You were quite happy with it last night," he added, as if it would make me feel better.

I rubbed my forehead awkwardly, mortified by events that I couldn't remember while glad for it at the same time. "What else did I say last night?"

I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to know. I _was_ trying not to throw up, and the embarrassment I was presently feeling did nothing to soothe my stomach.

He tried to smother another chuckle—unsuccessfully; it vibrated lightly from his chest. "You said a few crazy things. Then you got pretty sick. Then you were upset. That's about it."

It really didn't make me feel any better; especially when I was positive he was sugar coating it. I sighed; this time it was in resignation, and the fact that the longer I stayed upright, the more my head pounded and the fainter I became.

Seeming to read my thoughts, or the rapid pastiness I could feel my skin turning, Edward reached over, grabbed the glass of water and handed it to me gingerly.

I brought it to my lips and took a large gulp. My stomach churned violently but I was too parched to care. It washed the grosser than hell taste from my mouth but didn't even come close to quenching my thirst.

"I'm guessing you want another one then?" Edward asked me, taking the empty glass from my hands before I slumped against him.

I nodded, but I wasn't sure if my stomach would handle it. Right then it was working hard just to keep the first glass of water down.

"Just stay here for a minute," I whispered to him after a moment.

He tightened his arm around me and pulled me closer to him.

Letting go of the doona, that I'd kept up around me for the most part, I wrapped my arm around his waist and with the other I grabbed his hand.

"I didn't get a hangover, instead I got a coma," Edward confessed lightly, before breaking into a soft chuckle that shook both of us gently.

I chuckled with him despite the fact that it was like being hammered in the head. "You dag."

I let the water slowly digest before allowing Edward to get me another one. The second glass went down a lot easier; regardless that I took the tablets with it.

My next step was attempting to stand and walk. I really had to have a shower but I was daunted by the idea of getting to the bathroom without passing out cold. My skin was itchy, salty almost, and I shuddered at the thought of what my breath was like. The only problem was I was still in my underwear.

"Umm ... Edward, can you get my clothes?" I asked him mumbling, and feeling my cheeks burn.

Instead of collecting my clothes from where they were lying on the floor, he went to his suitcase and pulled out a white t-shirt.

"Here," he said, doing the charming thing again and pulling the shirt over my head. All the while he continued to smile—almost as if it was involuntary, and I wondered what he was so bloody happy about. Surely, I wasn't that funny drunk. But I considered the fact—with growing guilt—that maybe he was just glad I wasn't being such a bitch to him anymore.

I pulled my arms through the sleeves. It was huge on me, enough that I could make it down the hall with some sense of modesty. And it smelled ... like him.

"Okay, we'll do this quick—like a band aid," he grinned at me. He was standing before me with both my hands in his.

I nodded but moaned at the prospect. "Okay," I agreed pitifully.

"One ... two ... three." And he pulled me to my feet—that almost collapsed under me—just as I was hit by a giant swell of dizziness.

I clung to him desperately. "Oh God, Edward, lay me back down," I moaned, breathing heavily.

"It'll pass, just hang on to me," he assured me gently.

Eventually it did.

Clinging to his waist like a life line, I shuffled with him to the door. He walked slowly, carefully, conscious of my decrepit state, but my head refused to stop pounding. It was becoming excruciating and only made me more nauseated.

Somehow I made it through the door and down the hall, moaning and whimpering away while Edward encouraged me—like he was the father in the birth video we'd watched not long ago.

_Pathetic!_

"Aww, Bella, how ya feeling?" I saw Alice's slippered feet just seconds before I was propelled further into Edward by the tone of her voice.

"Alice—not so loud!" Edward exclaimed straining to keep his voice hushed.

"I'm sorry, Bella," she whispered apologetically.

I glanced over at her and she gave me a tender smile, only with a pout added to it; obviously from the sadder than ridiculous state of me.

"It's okay," I replied, my voice barely presenting with a sound.

"Jeez, Bells, you look like shit." Rach, but at least she had the decency to lower her voice.

I glanced up at her ready to throw her a scowl but it faded from my expression before it took hold. Her eyes looked weary and her face was blotchy; as though she'd been crying all night.

"You owe me big time," I barely managed a speck of aggravation.

A faint smirk lightened her expression. "Au contraire, I think you owe me." Her eyes rose, motioning to Edward.

I closed my eyes and smothered the groan.

She was right, but could I get any more pitiful?

I heard Edward gently snort his breath, and when I looked up, Rach was sharing some kind of inside joke with him. In fact, they were finding it all too amusing for my tenuous stability to cope with.

Scoffing, though being conscious to make it more or less under my breath to spare my tormented head, I pushed from Edward's arms and made my way determinedly into the bathroom on shaky, wobbly legs. I wasn't really angry—more than I was embarrassed anyway, and there was absolutely no way I could be angry with Edward. My memories were coming back to me with a lot more clarity and I was finding it almost too hard to fathom how wonderful he'd been without crying over it.

One thing was clear; he was officially my all-time favourite American.

I spent two minutes on my feet in the shower and ten sitting down. If I'd ever felt this crap in my life, I definitely couldn't remember it. I hated the fact that I'd succumbed and got drunk—something I swore I would never do. But in a way, I was glad Rach had talked me into it. I'd completely lost myself and by the time Kel's funeral was over I was so immersed in grief and guilt that I was genuinely afraid I wouldn't be able to find my way back from it.

I scrubbed myself clean and brushed my teeth three times—despite the dry heaving it caused me. I was determined to wipe all traces of alcohol from my body, and that included the foul taste in my mouth. I tried not to focus on the night before, apart from the fact that Edward had been so unbelievable. He was surprising me more and more. If I had known this was who he really was, I would have made a very different decision after his accident.

By the time I staggered from the bathroom, with a towel wrapped around my body and hair, Edward and Rach were still in the hall waiting for me.

I paused when I saw Edward gazing down at me intently. He continued to catch me off guard, and for a moment I felt flustered as if he was seeing me completely naked. But I knew it would take time to properly adjust to the fact that Edward now knew exactly who I was and where I came from.

"You've got some colour back, Bells—you're not so green around the gills anymore," Rach observed.

I glanced over at her, glad for the distraction. She flashed me a warm, affectionate smile. I returned it before my eyes inadvertently found Edward's again. He was still wearing his pyjama pants, while his hair was one big mess of tangles that I wanted to run my fingers through and smooth out. He continued to hold my gaze intently and that ever present charming—_dangerous_—grin did not waver.

It was only for the fact that I was hit by another wave of dizziness that I tore my eyes from his and proceeded into Nummi's room. But instead of getting myself dressed, I flopped down on the bed and groaned. I was becoming impatient now; I wanted this hang over to go away. I didn't want to feel so sick anymore. It was threatening to hinder things, and I was eager to make up for my bad behaviour to Edward—make up for the atrocious way I'd repaid him when all he did was come to Australia to support me.

Despite the mortification attached to it, the images from the night before stayed at the forefront of my mind. The more I delved into them, the more I realised exactly what Edward had done for me. It made my skin literally pulsate.

I wanted to be close to him; every particle of my soul craved for him. It was so intense that I should have been scared by it. Whenever I started to feel more for Edward my first reaction had always been panic. I had become so programmed by worrying about him hurting me, but now, it was completely non-existent. In truth, I was more worried about hurting him.

I closed my eyes and let my mind drift into blankness. It was then that it occurred to me that behind the hang over and the intensity of my emotions for Edward, I was feeling incredibly light and unburdened. In fact, it was so distinct that I was surprised that I hadn't noticed it until now.

The burden of Kel dying—that I'd been carrying for what seemed like months—was completely gone. The undeniable pain I felt for her death was still lingering, but at the same time I felt a sense of peace. I'd finally let her go. I'd said goodbye and in turn it had freed me. I realised all the dreams I'd been having about her since the early days after the accident, were her trying to make me see that she was gone and I had to let her go. I wanted to hang onto her forever, but I knew now that I didn't have to. She'd always be with me, no matter where I went, or what I did. She'd always be there.

Just as she always had.

I took a deep breath and released it into one final shuddering sigh.

She wasn't really gone.

I lay on top of the bed for a while longer, relaxing, trying to get on top of my nausea, when a sound so familiar to me, yet so foreign at the same time, made me sit up in absolute surprise.

I jumped off the bed, ignoring my head as it protested violently, and rushed to the window.

It was raining!

More than that, it was pouring down. It was a sound that I'd become so accustomed to in Forks, but in Australia it was a very rare sight.

I almost gasped from the sight of it before my heart completely warmed and a sense of realisation settled within me. It was a sign; a good omen. The rain had always signified my new life, and now I knew it was still on track.

I got dressed tentatively, conscious and annoyed by my shitty condition, then dried my hair. It was during this that Nummi, Rach and Alice came in the room.

"See! I knew she was okay and not puking or passed out," Rach spoke up.

"Huh?" I asked blankly.

"Edward made us come and check on you; otherwise he was coming in himself." Alice rolled her eyes, a secretive smile playing on her lips.

I smiled to myself—noting Alice's form into a smirk in response—then hastily went back to blow-drying my hair; trying not to cringe from the sound of it.

"Tell him I'm fine," I said, my voice still sounding weak and raspy before I grimaced. Every time I spoke, the horrible taste flowed back into my mouth making me want to go and scrub my teeth again.

"So how much do you remember of last night, Bells," Nummi asked me. She brushed her fingers across her mouth, trying to hide the amusement creeping on her lips.

I felt my face flame. "Not a lot—and please don't fill in the blanks, Nummi. I remember throwing my guts up with Edward holding my hair. That's enough to embarrass me for life."

She chuckled. "I'll wait until you've recovered from it before I tell you then."

I threw her a cynical smile. "Thanks," I replied dryly.

"Anyway, mum's made you a nice hearty brekky of bacon, eggs and snags," Nummi added, her grin turning devious in advance of my all out groan.

"Oh God—Nummi, don't!" I exclaimed, wincing from the volume of my voice while my stomach churned at the mere idea of it.

"Bells, if you can digest it, I guarantee it will cure you," Rach elaborated, continuing to find humour in my situation.

"Shut up!" I cried, squeezing my eyes shut to calm my stomach.

I couldn't find it in myself to be angry at Rach yet, though. Not when it was her that had reached down and pulled me out of my own self-created abyss; straight into Edward's waiting arms.

Nummi laughed whole-heartedly, walked over to me and wrapped her arm over my shoulder.

"It's good to have you back, Bells," she said warmly.

**...**

The minute I spied the food on the breakfast table waiting for me, I practically threw up. And that was before I caught the smell of it. I froze, feeling the blood drain from my face as a horrible wave of nausea washed over me.

"I have to lie down," I whimpered pitifully behind the hand that I'd clamped to my mouth.

But Carol, smiling tenderly, came behind me, placed both her hands on my shoulders and gently led me to the chair before the plate of food. "Come on, Bella, you can do it."

To say I was reluctant was the bloody understatement of my life. In fact, I was so reluctant that my feet practically dragged along the tiled floor as I shook my head in protest, adamant that I couldn't.

It was torture. I'd take a bite, my stomach would lunge and I'd have to lie my head on the table practically sobbing until the nausea passed. When I was finally brave enough to take another bite, Carol would make me take a sip of the water she'd given me, then I'd start all over again.

She'd sent everyone into the living room while I ate; I was grateful she had. Apart from not wanting an audience, I did not want Edward anywhere near me, because I was positive there was no way I could possibly hold any of it down.

Somehow, I did though; every last bite of it too. It took me almost an hour, but by the time I'd swallowed the last morsel, the nausea was already easing. Carol forced me to finish the water before sending me off into the living room with a glass of orange juice.

"She survived!" Nummi teased me when I staggered into the room.

Still feeling horrendous and sickly full, I managed a weak, wry smile before I set the OJ on the coffee table and crawled onto the sofa beside Edward. He immediately scooted over and wrapped his arm gently around my waist. It was then that I noticed there was something discernibly different about him. I sat in consternation, deliberating it, feeling my eye brows pull together in confusion and slight panic. His arms were just as warm as they always were, he still smelled the same; his eyes were just as intense...

It wasn't until he turned to face me and flashed me that magnetising smile of his that I realised what it was.

Nothing was different about him, except the way I was now seeing him.

I'd let down my defences and had let him fully in; without the blinders, the fear, or the reluctance I normally saw him through. Nothing stood in the way with the two of us anymore; there were no more hurdles to cross. Nothing but a clear path before us.

He inclined his head to me. "What are you smiling to yourself about?" he murmured into my ear.

"I'll tell you later," I replied in a soft tone, keeping my voice low for his ears only. "I don't think these three would appreciate it in front of them."

I felt him immediately tense before he turned his head to catch my gaze. His expression was surprised but as his green eyes held steady to mine, it faded and turned completely unreadable. I almost laughed. A thousand emotions seemed to pass behind his eyes. He blinked slowly still seeming to process my meaning, and when he met my eyes again, they were dark—hungry almost, while his expression had turned serious and slightly devious. He opened his mouth to reply, when Rach's voice interrupted him.

"Okay you two, quit staring star crossed into each other's eyes and help us pick a bloody movie!"

I turned to face her; she was smirking deliberately and when I met her gaze it broadened before she rolled her eyes knowingly. "Any suggestions?"

I smiled sheepishly and shrugged. "I don't mind."

She sighed then turned her attention to Edward. "What about you, Romeo?"

"Uh ... yeah, ditto," Edward answered, tightening his grip around my waist and pulling me closer to him.

"Okay, just so you know, Nummi, Alice and I have all agreed on _He's Just Not That Into You_."

Edward chuckled. "I don't think my vote would make a difference since I'm seriously outnumbered here, so it's cool."

"He has a point—put it on, Rach!" Nummi spoke up.

Snaking my arm around Edward's back, I snuggled into him and prepared to watch the movie. But he proved to be a little distracting.

For the first five or ten minutes, with one hand steadfast around me and the other with his fingers entwined with mine, we watched the DVD. Then, with the hand around my waist, he inched my shirt up, only fractionally and slipped his torrid fingers underneath, connecting with my skin. His touch immediately sent an undercurrent of warmth to fill my veins.

With my fingers interlaced with his, I squeezed his hand and nestled further into him; subtly letting him know that I was fine with what he was doing. Eventually he slid his entire hand beneath my shirt and curved his palm around my side. He kept it there for a while, his smouldering hand against my hip, before he slowly began caressing my skin with his fingertips.

Heat immediately spread out from his touch like lightning until my skin was literally tingling. I was beginning to feel restless, yet I was continuing to struggle with the sluggishness that my waning hang over still held over me.

Leaning my elbow on his shoulder, I repositioned myself by curling my legs underneath me.

His hand slipped from underneath my shirt and he turned to me. His eyes canvassed mine for a moment before he finally spoke. "You feeling okay? You're fidgety."

I smiled at him, wrapped my arm around his shoulders and leaned in closer to him to answer, "You're tickling me."

He did one of those chuckles through his nose, his grin broad, then nuzzling his face into my neck, he murmured, "I've missed that smile."

Bloody hell!

I was still finding myself more than a little caught off guard by the charm of this guy. He was so bloody good at it!

I shook my head a little, trying to rein my thoughts back from the carnal direction they were going down. "What smile?" I asked him, blinking.

"Later," he replied dropping his voice low to barely a whisper.

I broke into a warm smile before I relaxed further into him and rested my head on his shoulder. He turned to face me and pressed his lips against my forehead.

"That smile."

I felt the grin curve on his mouth as his hot breath soaked through me before he again turned back to the movie. And this time, instead of warming me with the feel of his tender hands on my bare skin, he pushed his fingers into the back pocket of my jeans.

My heart was heavy, quickening, and I was positive it was reverberating against him—though he didn't seem to notice. I pushed the breath from my lungs heavily. I felt completely at ease and safe in his arms, but every particle of me felt statically charged. I turned my face and pressed my lips against his clothed shoulder. Then instead of pushing my hand between my legs—which was something I often did—I pushed it between his.

We watched the rest of the movie without another word spoken. But with my mind and every molecule of my body too aware of Edward, I didn't really pay much attention to it.

After a while Edward pulled my hand from between his legs, intertwined his fingers with mine and brought it to his lips. It was toasty warm from nestling within him, but amongst his large sultry hand, the temperature remained constant; in fact almost sweaty. Eventually, he rested our hands on his chest then removed his hand from my back pocket to, once again, curve his palm against my naked skin and pull me further into his arms.

Before the movie ended my eyelids began drooping heavily. Edward was too warm and I was still so exhausted—physically and emotionally—from the night before. By the time it was over I was all but asleep against him.

"So ... did you enjoy it, guys?" Rach asked, turning a teasing smile in our direction.

"It was a bit of a chick flick," Edward's deep voice spoke, while I caught it resonating through his chest. The sound of it was so hypnotising that a deep shuddering yawn escaped me.

They decided on a second movie, their choice making Edward groan good-naturedly.

"Come on, guys, you could at least put on one that Edward will be moderately interested in," I spoke up in his defence.

Alice glanced over at me and flashed me a dubious look while her lips pulled into a sly grin. "I don't think he's suffering too much."

"Only because this is the first time I've watched a movie with you, Alice, without _Jazzy pants _present," he spoke up.

Alice mockingly scowled at him, and when Edward chuckled it rocked us both gently, causing another wave of exhaustion to wash over me.

"The pair of you look like you're about to flake anyway," Nummi observed.

And flake we did.

I'm not sure when Edward fell asleep, but I lasted only about five minutes into the next movie. Lulled off to sleep by his deep, steady breathing.

* * *

**A/N: Kay now that the angst is over things are gonna get mighty sloppy indeed ... and some other stuff—to quote Bella. Actually that might be from later down the track.**

**Anywho, hope you enjoyed.**


	35. Pictionary

**A/N: I fail at Pictionary...**

* * *

**Chapter 35**

**Pictionary**

**Bella's POV**

When I woke, heavy headed and groggy, I quickly realised I'd pushed Edward to the side. His elbow resting on the arm of the sofa—with his fist propped up against the side of his forehead—was the only thing keeping us semi-upright.

My stirring was all it took to wake him. He seemed surprised that he'd been asleep and hastily pulled the two of us vertical.

"They live!" Nummi teased us before adding with appreciation. "You pair have been out cold for more than two hours!"

Edward released his arm from around me and rubbed his eyes before running his hand through his dishevelled hair. He looked sheepish, but then so ridiculously appealing all weary and droopy eyed. Dropping his hands in his lap, he turned and smiled at me tenderly. His hair was beyond out of control and his eyes were bloodshot, but the power he had over me was still unmeasurable. I had to forcibly turn my head to break eye contact from him.

My gaze fell on Rach; she was smiling at me, over flowing with canny amusement. "Rough night, Bells?"

I rolled my eyes at her. "Rough six months," I confessed lightly, my voice croaky and thick.

I dropped my head to my hands and tried to massage the grogginess away with my fingertips. Edward slung his arm over my shoulders, and drew me gently against him again; back to the warmth of his arms. His arms—the only place where I had been able to extract the poison from my veins and find myself again.

"Well it doesn't look like this rain is going anywhere soon," Nummi spoke up.

I glanced over at her; she was staring through the window out into the rain soaked grounds, looking sad and wistful. When she turned back to face us, her eyes were glistening with unshed. "I kind of feel like she's giving it all back ... all the tears we cried over her."

"That's so beautiful!" Alice exclaimed, her voice instantly choked.

"Christ, Nummi," Rach whispered, seeming almost impatient.

Nummi's words affected me immediately. My chest went tight, as I opened the door—just a fraction—to the grief once more.

Edward squeezed my arm soothingly, before dropping his lips to the top of my head. Again he was my life raft in a stormy sea, taking my fear and allowing me to feel everything, unburdened by it. How he was able to bring that out in me only made the swelling of emotion within me more intense.

My best friend—the closest person I ever had to family before moving to Forks—was dead, and the pain I felt over it was beyond anything I'd ever known. But at the same time, I was feeling something so real and extraordinary for Edward. He made the pain over Kel lessen; my fear over Renee diminish, and what I was left with didn't scare me like I thought it would. It was literally engulfing me, yet I found myself embracing it whole heartedly.

I loved Edward with everything that I was.

I turned to him and grabbed his hand. My heart was hammering wildly, while I fought to separate my feelings for him from my continued grief over the loss of Kel.

I shook my head, trying to decide how two completely conflicting emotions could exist with so much concentration within me; simultaneously.

"You okay?" Edward asked me softly.

I nodded quickly, inhaling back the threat of tears.

"Okay enough of this," Rach burst with impatience.

I looked over at her; she was pacing the room, her hands on her hips defiantly. She met my eyes while hers were blazing. "I can't keep crying over her—it makes me feel _helpless_!"

"You're right, Rach, and Kel would be so pissed," Nummi agreed, wiping her eyes completely dry with stubbornness.

"She would," I conceded, laughing flatly.

Carol walked into the room at that moment. "Lunch is ready..." she began, but when she noticed the sombre atmosphere and Nummi's tear streaked face, the words died on her lips." You girls okay?"

We all nodded collectively, and she smiled sadly, full of understanding. "Just having a moment?"

"One of many," Rach muttered.

Carol sighed and sat herself on the edge of the coffee table. "Just so long as you understand that you don't have to feel like it's taboo to talk about her."

Nummi nodded. "We know, mum. I started us off this time."

Carol smiled at her, pausing with affection, before snapping back to business. "Well anyway, lunch is in the kitchen—I was getting worried Edward and Bella would sleep through it."

"Edward eats like a bear; there'd be no way he'd sleep through a meal," Alice snorted, smirking at Edward wryly.

She'd told me the same thing numerous times, but I had yet to see it for myself. If anything, Edward seemed to be a light eater. I turned to him, my eyebrows drawn as I contemplate about it.

"Don't listen to her, she's suffering from Jazzy withdrawals," he said, breaking into a devious smile.

I grinned back at him, shaking my head to myself, before pulling him off the sofa with me. Tucking me under his arm, we followed Rach, Nummi and Alice into the kitchen where an assortment of sandwiches waited for us.

Despite feeling so much better than the condition I'd woken up in that morning, my stomach was still feeling rather delicate. Because of this, my lunch consisted of half a ham and cheese sandwich and a cup of tea. But as the day progressed, everything I ate made me improve that little bit more, and by the time dinner came around, I managed to eat my whole plate of lasagne without a single wave of nausea.

Though the fact that Edward's presence made me a live wire of energy may have contributed. In fact, I found myself constantly struggling to grasp the sudden magnitude of it that anything else plaguing my mind ran in at a distant second. Surrendering myself to Edward and Kel—and coming back to Australia, had completely freed me. Now my main concern was reining in the incredible release of emotion over it. I felt like I was about to burst and the newly intensified longing and desire I was feeling for Edward was proving to be the most impulsive.

I insisted on helping Carol clean the kitchen after dinner as the girls and Edward went to shower. I had always been closed off to other peoples' parents—Kel, Nummi and Rach's especially. Their mothers intimidated me, in the sense that I had no way of relating to them. But now, I found myself chatting easily with Carol, who kept making me conscious of it by exclaiming her surprise and wonder.

When Nummi and Alice came to drag me back with them, Carol kissed me on the cheek affectionately. "You don't know how happy it will make the girls to see you go back home so healed, Bella."

I smiled back at her warmly, gratefully. I almost _did_ feel healed, but one person still stood in my way. A person I knew I had to put behind me once and for all if I was ever going to go completely forward.

The guys had the bright idea of playing _'Pictionary' _and since my talents in drawing didn't extend past stick men, I wasn't overly thrilled.

I decided to have a quick shower while they were setting up. Despite having had an extra-long one that morning, I still felt contaminated by the effects of alcohol in my system. Tying my hair back to keep it dry, I lathered myself in body wash and scrubbed my teeth.

In less than ten minutes, I was sitting beside Edward in Nummi's room, completely intoxicated by the combined smell of soap and deodorant. When he turned to face me, his eyes almost immediately broke from mine to inspect my pyjamas. I was wearing satin boxer shorts and a matching cotton singlet top with _'Tweety and Sylvester' _on them that made a small smirk instantly pull at Edward's lips. I leaned in to him, nudging him gently with my shoulder before I turned my attention to Rach and Alice.

"Where's Nummi," I asked, quickly noting her absence.

"She went to get one of the boys, we're uneven," Rach explained, just as the bedroom door opened and Nummi appeared tugging Mick behind her.

And so our game of Pictionary began.

Alice and Rach won the most games, while Nummi and Mick came in second despite adding love hearts to their pictures. As for Edward and I, thanks to my abysmal artistic skills, we had no chance.

Initially, he attempted to decipher my drawings, but eventually gave up, ending up in uncontrollable laughter the longer he tried to make sense of them.

Several games later, we were still trailing pathetically, when Edward slung his arm over my shoulders and pulled me closer to him. "We might have to do something extreme from here on, gorgeous," he whispered, lowly in my ear before planting a quick kiss close to my temple.

For a minute I was dazed, completely inundated as a surge of heat pushed straight to my cheeks. I stared down at my note pad before allowing my eyes to rest on Edward's and waited for him to pick up his card and start drawing. Clearing his throat lightly, he gently prodded me with his elbow, he discreetly turned his pad over, but instead of drawing he wrote the answer down.

My eyes rose slowly to meet his. I flashed him a devious grin while putting forth my best imitation of feigned shock before I _innocently_ called the answer out.

"Jeez, they got one," Rach muttered with a teasing tone, peaking over at me from her note pad and smirking.

Edward was a better actor than I was. He kept up his amused, bewilderment and let a believable amount of time pass before he called out the answer—that I'd written down hastily, then scribbled out.

We managed to get away with it for five games, giggling together like thieves, before Nummi clued onto us.

"They're _cheating_!" she exclaimed, pointing her finger at the two of us, her mouth falling open, while she attempted to mask her amusement behind a pretence of being offended.

"We're not!" I insisted, quickly hiding my notepad behind my back and trying to hold onto a look of innocence.

Edward scoffed out his laughter, and I all but broke into a guilty grin.

"I knew there was something suss happening," Rach folded her arms and quirked a knowing brow at us.

"Hey, we had to—even Bella's stick figures look like freaky alien symbols." Edward chuckled, wrapping his arm around my waist and squeezing me.

I whacked his knee playfully. "It was your idea!" I protested.

"Ratting each other out. Nice," Mick teased us.

"That's it, you two are sentenced with getting the drinks," Nummi jumped up from the floor and pulled the door open, ordering us out.

"So long as we play something else when we get back. Is it obvious that I majorly suck at drawing?" I sighed with resignation, allowing Edward to pull me to my feet.

"It's abstract, Bella ... like ... Picasso," he said, pressing his face into my hair and laughing softly as we left the room.

I turned and pushed him, almost knocking him into the wall, while the look of astonishment on his face was so comical that I burst out laughing. He righted himself and held my gaze, his expression turning from surprise to calculated in seconds. He took a single derisive step in my direction, his lips pulling into a small, sly grin, before I squealed and took off running down the hall. Of course, he caught me in a matter of seconds—wrapping his arms around me from behind and almost colliding us with the kitchen bench. He turned me around in his arms, laughing with me as I attempted to catch my breath.

His laughter died down and as mine continued, he just gazed at me with a curious kind of amusement. Then exhaling shortly, he broke into a huge smile that took me so off guard, my laughter stopped in its tracks.

He inclined his head to mine ever so slightly and that's when I all but pounced on him.

Grabbing his shirt with both my fists, I dragged him down to my lips, noting his surprise, before I leaped up into his arms. Just as his lips melted more with mine, as he wrapped his arms around me supporting my weight against him, he uttered an involuntary, reflexive groan.

Immediately I pulled back, forcing myself to my feet; horrified that I'd hurt him!

"Edward—!" I began, my voice shrill and distressed, but he interjected.

"I'm fine, Bella," his face clouded a little in frustration. "It's just sometimes, with sudden movements..."

He was looking at _me_ apologetically as though he'd done something to me. I released my static breath, affectionately, then tenderly reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I'm sorry," I breathed against the base of his throat. He smelled so bloody good that I pressed my lips against his skin and inhaled him in deeply.

He sighed then, drawing it out, relaxing his posture and enfolding me into his arms, as the air escaped him. He rested his lips on top of my head, while I ran my nose slowly back and forth across his throat, becoming completely immersed and dizzy by the scent of him.

"I'm sorry, Bella. It's just ... you kind of took me by surprise jumping on me like that," his tone went from regretful to amused, while this time when he took a breath, I felt the grin grow across his face.

I snapped my head back to look at him, when in an instant he caught my face between his palms and planted a tender but brief kiss on my lips. It was over entirely too soon before he moved his hot, supple lips to my forehead.

"You can jump me later," he added huskily, almost chuckling.

That was a definite!

With a reluctant breath, I pulled myself from Edward's arms and continued to the fridge almost literally seeing stars. It was like getting up suddenly after lying down and having a moment of wooziness, but magnified and added to by a completely raw desire.

I was in serious trouble!

I yanked open the refrigerator door and pulled a couple of cans of coke out from amongst it. Edward came up behind me, leaned over me, almost deliberately and grabbed a drink out himself. I was about to turn to him again when he placed the icy cold can on the back of my neck. Sucking my breath in violently and gasping in shock, I promptly dropped the cokes I was holding to the floor.

Edward broke into wholehearted laughter.

I spun around to face him, my mouth agape in a feigned attempt at outrage. "What the hell was that?"

"That was us getting even," he drawled with an intentional cocky smile; altogether too sure of himself.

I huffed, but I couldn't help it; the smile completely betrayed me by spreading broadly across my face before I had a hope of holding it back.

The minute we walked through the door to Nummi's room they all turned to stare at us, either rolling their eyes or smirking—or both in the case of Rach.

"It took you guys ten minutes to get drinks?" she declared.

"We..." I broke off as a flash of heat burned to the surface of my face.

"Uh-huh..." Alice mumbled all knowingly.

"Do you want your drinks or not!" I threatened, plonking myself back on the floor and tossing the cans of coke out to each of them.

"Did Bella ask to see your big pen again, Edward?" Nummi asked shrewdly, while my initial expressionless confusion quickly turned to mortification.

I dropped my head into my hands, and futilely attempted to mask my absolute humiliation.

_Oh crap! I did NOT ask him that. I didn't—I didn't!_

"That reminds me, Bells—how's your belly ring?" Rach jumped in.

I pulled my hands away from my face brashly for a moment. "Sore!"

"But on the other hand it would have pulled the strip tease off nicely." Nummi tried to sound all earnest and sincere, but with Alice and Rach almost choking back their laughter, her lips soon began to twitch craftily. In the next minute, the three of them were almost falling over themselves in laughter, while Mick only looked at me with sudden curiosity.

I huffed shortly, trying to hang on to an infinitesimal amount of my dignity without much success. I turned to Edward; he smiled at me, biting on his lower lip. It was a perfect mixture of amusement and tender empathy that only partially made me melt into myself. The fact that he was all but corroborating it only made my face burn more conspicuously.

I scoffed under my breath, trying to remain good natured, when Edward reached over and squeezed my shoulder gently. I broke into a small, dubious smile and shook my head to myself.

"Okay, laugh at me if you will," I said dryly before turning to Edward. "You know that whatever I said or did was only because I wasn't ... me, right?"

He opened his mouth to answer when it closed quickly as an almost injured look blazed behind his eyes. He broke his gaze from mine, his expression completely conflicted. It was almost as if I'd slapped him; his face was all but etched with it.

This sudden emotion from him was only brief and just as quickly he pushed it away, but he was fooling no one. Whatever it was impacted heavily on me. I just stared at him, suddenly feeling panicked, my mind quickly backtracking over what I'd just said in hopes to rectify it.

Only I couldn't find it.

I went to ask him if he was okay, feeling the concern for him suddenly consume me, but he cleared his throat stiffly and answered my original question, "Of course I do, Bella." He was tense, his tone restricted and unnatural.

For a moment he wouldn't meet my gaze; it was almost blatant. When I gave up and turned my attention away from him, I realised everyone had noticed the sudden shift in him—Alice the most intently. She was eyeing him gravely, before her eyes darted to me, her brow knotting with concern.

Whatever I'd unintentionally said to upset Edward, it continued to affect him. He attempted to put on a casual front, chatting and laughing as we moved on from _Pictionary _to _Trivial Pursuit_, but it became more and more obvious that he was far from okay. He grew completely distant and aloof with me, stopping all contact until he was almost completely avoiding me. Everyone noticed the change in him. Nummi and Rach would often pause to discreetly gaze at him, their expressions piqued. Even Mick regarded him with silent consternation, while Alice kept a close vigil over him, her expression troubled as her attention alternated between him and me.

"Edward, what is it?" I asked him quietly, after becoming too impatient waiting for him to come out of it.

"Nothing. I'm fine, Bella. I'm ... just tired that's all," he answered with complete uncertainty laced in his voice and without meeting my gaze at all.

I sighed a little too audibly, out of complete frustration and increasing unease.

What had I said to him? What was he so upset about?

With my mood now feeding from Edward's, and all my thoughts consumed by his behaviour, I pretty much bowed out of the game—in the fact that Rach tactfully skipped over me until I was no longer a participant.

Eventually, Edward became so quiet and withdrawn that he changed the ambience of the room dramatically. The atmosphere became awkward and with everyone so completely aware of him, the conversation was strained. It wasn't long after that the new charade had begun; to convince us of their exhaustion. Not that I could blame them; I certainly wouldn't want to be around Edward and me.

Edward, having successfully taken the hint, rose himself to his feet quietly.

"Goodnight guys—seeya, Bella." His eyes flickered in my direction almost as an afterthought.

This time the impatience rising within me started to gauge aggravation. I sprang to my feet. "I'll walk you, Edward."

"Okay," he responded quietly, holding the door open for me as he left.

The minute the door was shut behind us, I reached out and grabbed his hand, stopping him from taking another indifferent step away from me. He turned back to me with a look of almost resignation on his face.

"Edward!" I pleaded with him. "Tell me what I said to upset you?"

"You didn't say anything, Bella. I told you, I'm tired." His voice was calm but expressionless while his eyes were weary. I gazed into them for a moment, almost becoming convinced that he really was just tired and nothing more by their jaded hue, but I knew better.

I sighed and scratched my forehead, running my fingers over the deeply forming knots gathering there. "I know that's not all it is. Please tell me, Edward?"

He exhaled, his shoulders relaxing a little with it, before taking a step toward me and placing both his hands on my shoulders. "Stop worrying about me, Bella. I'm fine. I'll see you in the morning, 'kay?" With that he leaned down and planted a soft, short—benign, kiss on my forehead.

He reached out and grabbed the door knob, but I didn't move—even when he stepped into the room and turned to close the door on me. Of course he didn't, instead he sighed and rubbed the back of his head. "Go to bed, Bella."

"Fine," I whispered, defeated before I turned away from him and walked back to Nummi's room.

He didn't watch me leave. Almost as soon as I walked away I heard the click of his bedroom door closing.

Walking back into Nummi's room, I slammed the door shut. In a huff, I folded my arms across my chest and leaned up—almost throwing myself—against it.

Why was it I seemed to screw things up with him time and time again?

It reminded me so much of the Friday before that damned bloody party. Edward had changed so suddenly, and I'd had absolutely no idea why then too.

I brought my palm to my forehead and rubbed it heavily. I felt so completely overwhelmed by sudden doubt and uncertainty that I wanted to start sobbing. Edward had been my absolute lifeline and somehow I'd pushed him away—again!

My eyes caught Alice's. She was appraising me with a concerned brow—that also hinted at exasperation.

"What's wrong with him, Alice?" I asked, feeling myself becoming more and more anxious.

"From what I can gather, you must have said something to him last night that he now thinks you didn't mean," she explained straight out.

I let my arms drop back to my side, feeling helpless and impatient again. "I barely remember anything from last night—why is he so upset?" I exclaimed, my voice rising with mounting agitation. My face was beginning to burn, and I could feel the prickle of tears forming behind my eyes.

What had I done?

"Unless, Bells..." Rach began delicately, "you said something ... _significant_."

I shook my head, flustered and completely clueless. "I ... I have no idea what, though."

"Bella, this is Edward. He is totally controlled by his emotions. Give him some time to work it out—he understands that you wouldn't intentionally hurt him," Alice said to me gently.

I knew Alice was speaking sincerely and that she was only trying to ease my guilt and anxiety, but all I heard was the validation that I'd hurt Edward.

I felt like shit, the guilt was tearing me up and I had absolutely no way of knowing whether I was overreacting or not!

"Come on," Alice said, sighing. She reached out and grabbed the bottom of my pyjama top, pulling me in the direction of my bed. "Get some sleep, and I guarantee in the morning he'll be fine again."

"If you ask me," Rach began, climbing into her makeshift bed, "you lot need your heads examined getting one of _those things _full time."

"Jazzy and I never fight," Alice said chirpily, her tone going up several decibels at the mention of Jazz.

I crawled into bed, feeling exhausted and disheartened, allowing Alice and Rach's conversation to fade into the background behind my anxious thoughts. Nummi came bounding enthusiastically into the room a few minutes later after saying her goodbyes to Mick and switched off the light.

There wasn't much after-dark conversation; everyone was pretty much sleep deprived from the night before. We managed a few mumbled_ good-nights_, yawning loudly, before the room fell silent.

I knew thirty seconds after I'd closed my eyes there was no way I was going to be able to sleep. Not when whatever it was between Edward and I was hanging in the air completely unresolved. It ate away at me, along with the complete bewilderment at what I could have possibly said to him the previous night. I lasted an agonising hour before I crept out of bed and stealthily into the hall to Edward's temporary bedroom. There was a dim light illuminated under the door. I paused, contemplating it for no longer than a second before I pushed back my insecurities stubbornly. Knocking gently a couple of times, I turned the knob and peaked around the corner.

He wasn't asleep either. In fact he was lying on his back on top of the bed covers with his hands propped behind his head, wide awake.

"Bella?" he asked, not sounding terribly surprised before he swung his legs to the side of the bed and got to his feet.

I entered the room fully and closed the door behind me before all but bursting out, "I can't sleep, Edward. You have to tell me what I said to you last night—it's driving me crazy!"

He paused, releasing the air from his lungs and dropping his head. "What are you talking about?" he asked softly, running his fingers stiffly through his already assaulted hair.

I took a few steps forward until I was standing only a few feet before him. "I said something to you last night Edward and now you think I didn't mean it."

"I told you, Bella—" he began, but I cut him off hotly.

"Don't tell me you're just tired—I know you're not!" I stared at him, my brow tense from frustration, just as the smallest smirk ghosted across his face. It was that bloody all out amused look which meant he wasn't taking me seriously at all! "_Edward!_" I exclaimed, my voice rising, instantly annoyed.

"What do you want me to tell you, Bella?" he asked me, sounding genuinely flustered for the first time; all traces of humour completely wiped from his expression. He seemed almost ... defensive.

"Tell me the truth!" I fired back.

He didn't reply; he just stood there gauging me, at the same time looking hopelessly lost in his own thoughts.

"Edward?" I whispered, all my frustration melting away as I watched his features etch more deeply with uncertainty. He looked up and met my gaze—I was almost taken back from the vulnerability behind his eyes. Tentatively, I reached out and took his hand in mine, squeezing it gently, smiling at him. He released the air from his lungs slowly—smiling with it and my heart warmed.

"Do you remember what I said at the prom—about us having terrible communication?" I asked him.

He nodded, scoffing a little, sounding frustrated again. "It's not you, Bella. I'm the one with shit communication."

I released his hand and reached for him, but stopped myself, only grabbing a fistful of his shirt. "When I said it wasn't me last night, I meant doing crazy things like ... trying to pull your pants down," I ended lightly, while feeling my cheeks flame.

He broke into an immediate grin. "You remember that, do you?"

"Kinda," I mumbled in admittance.

His grin broadened, a little of his charm and confidence seeping back into it. "Well ... it wasn't _that_ crazy."

I scowled at him teasingly and shoved him. He chuckled, his voice was smooth and warm again. I sighed inwardly, full of relief.

"You're not angry at me?" I asked him, glancing up at him hesitantly.

"Bella, I wasn't angry at you to start with." He took a heavy breath. "Come here." He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and led me toward the bed. Sitting us down, he paused in contemplation before turning to face me. The vulnerability was back and something so incredibly honest that brought to the surface a very protective nature in me. He cleared his throat apprehensively before he spoke. "I said something to you last night ... and you replied—and it-it meant ... a lot to me."

His tone continued to relay his vulnerability, but he was serious—incredibly so, and my heart began to pick up in speed.

"Okay ... well, why don't you say it again and if I answer—or respond the same, then you'll know I meant it?" I suggested, trying to get control of my sudden hammering heart. It was compromising me, making my breath quicken with it. Altogether I was feeling slightly unstable.

He smiled to himself, opened his mouth but then seemed to stall, a flicker of doubt passing through his eyes. "It's ... different—now."

"What is?" I asked him, my voice dropping to a murmur.

"The moment," he admitted, his brow furrowing.

"Well ... you can try and recreate it," I suggested, knowing I was being deliberately coy.

He seemed to contemplate this for a moment, before he grinned again—with that sexy bloody smile back in full swing. "See you later, alligator."

My forehead puckered in confusion. "That's what you said to me?"

He rolled his eyes, almost chuckling. "No—you're supposed to respond..."

"You want me to go?" I asked crestfallen.

He closed his eyes and groaned lowly, dragging his hand quickly back through his hair before he thudded the heel of his palm into his forehead. "You're killing me here, Bella."

"I'm sorry—say it again?"

He dipped his head till his forehead was almost resting with mine, then dropping his voice huskily, he repeated, "See you later, alligator."

"In a while, crocodile," I replied softly.

He paused, lowering his lips to my ear. "I love you, Bella," he murmured.

My heart came to a screaming halt before it went on a rampage within my chest. I drew my suddenly shaky breath in, answering him without another pause and just as his eyes locked with mine again, "I love you too."

He exhaled slowly and smiled, looking almost relieved, while his face completely softened; all tension, all doubt immediately erased.

I only stared at him, my eyes wide; my heart continuing to hammer wildly. I took a breath trying to force air past the building tightness in my chest. I was too overwhelmed to initially react; I was literally being flooded by emotion. "Why would you think I didn't mean it?" I asked him in a whisper.

"Because I'm a dickhead," he replied, his tone light as a smile edged on his lips. "And you were so drunk you wanted me to take advantage of you." This time his grin amplified as he scoffed it softly through his nose.

My face instantly blazed, and I buried it against his chest only momentarily before I pulled back to gaze into his eyes. "But you didn't."

He shook his head. "Nope," he paused as his grin twitched deviously this time. "Though, I did think about it."

I whacked him and he laughed gently, before he bent his head toward me, his nose grazing past mine. I allowed my eyes to close and it wasn't until his lips brushed delicately across mine that my senses snapped back.

"I should have remembered saying that!" I blurted, my voice emotionally charged.

He pulled back and grinned, reaching up to rub his chin. "You were half asleep, Bella."

I shrugged sheepishly. "I know," I mumbled, "but..." I left it unspoken, distracted as Edward, pulling out the charm, inclined his head toward me again.

With a deep surrendering sigh, I tilted my face forward, meeting him half way. His mouth closed over mine, his lips hot and tender, encasing my bottom lip, before he pulled away fractionally. Then, tilting the angle of his face, he leaned in and merged his lips with mine again, kissing me only slightly longer before, again, he pulled back.

"Did I ... sound like I meant it—last night?" I breathed, as our lips separated and his nose slid to the other side of mine.

"Shhh ... you meant it," he barely spoke a decibel before again his lips covered mine.

I felt his hand slide fluidly over my shoulder and around the back of my neck. He ran his fingers through my hair, pressing my face with more pressure to him. His mouth opened, before again he eased back.

"I meant it, Edward ... don't ever think I didn't," I murmured. Leaning forward again, I reached out and grabbed his shirt and pulled him to me.

"I know you did," he responded, his voice smooth and gravelly, his breath washing over my lips before he merged them with his all over again.

He would kiss me, tenderly, but briefly—only to pull back over and over again. Each time his lips returned to mine, they would linger, opening to me slowly with increasing pressure, as I surrendered to him breath by breath.

But I was hesitating. My mind wanted to properly process and appreciate the meaning of this revelation—that Edward loved me, but as his hot and supple lips covered mine, parting and unleashing his breath into my mouth, my body cried out in protest to respond.

He moved his hand from around my neck to cup my cheek, and with his thumb against my chin he guided my mouth open to him.

The second I yielded, the second the tip of his tongue contacted with mine, I knew my body had won out.

I pulled him further against me, almost tearing the fabric of his shirt. He tightened his arms around me, holding me flush against him, but it wasn't enough. I was ignited by the sudden need to feel his body pressing fully against mine. I wanted to feel the searing temperature of his skin warm me—connect with me.

And I wanted to feel his hands on me.

I attempted to pull out of his kiss, but each time he drew me back, only to deepen it and take me further into him. I became flooded with his breath; his taste; his scent—every lucid, rational thought becoming completely lost in him.

Eventually the need to breathe—the need to speak became more paramount. I pulled back, only to immediately become sluggish from lack of oxygen. I practically crashed my forehead against his and closed my eyes, trying to pull the air I needed into my lungs to speak

"Edward..." I finally managed to utter breathlessly, my chest rising and falling to meet with his. I opened my eyes, locking them with the burning green depths of his.

"Bella..." he replied, between staggering breaths, before pressing his lips to my face, only once, before he trailed them along the contours of my cheek as he fought to slow his breathing.

"Touch me," I whispered. My breaths were less laboured now, and the impact of my words suddenly ignited a fire within me.

He looked up, meeting my gaze and holding it; his eyes canvassing mine deeply. I reached around my back, where his arms were wrapped, and took his hands in mine. Then without hesitation or breaking the intensity of his fixed gaze, I placed them on my stomach—where the hem of my singlet top ended—and gently encouraged him to slide them up.

He released his heated breath in a long rush, his eyes blazing. Then, curving his hands around the bare skin of my waist he dragged me back to his lips.

This time when we kissed, it was with mounting urgency; our faces crushed together as our mouths merged with more and more fervor.

I ran my hands up over his chest and around to the nape of his neck; pushing my fingers into his hair, but Edward didn't move his hands from my sides. Instead he kneaded his fingers into my skin, before gripping me again tightly, he pulled me further against him. I lifted myself onto his lap; my legs straddled either side of him.

This is when I discovered exactly what we were doing.

As I settled into him, I immediately felt him digging into me, hard, and burning hot. I shuddered involuntarily from the sensation of it, releasing my breath into Edward's mouth, as an influx of heat compromised me further.

Edward reacted, instantly tensing, as a low, almost guttural, pained groan escaped him, humming against my lips and washing my face in his sultry breath

The sound of it was so primitive—so raw. I took his lips urgently with mine—completely opening myself and surrendering to him. Then, first running my fingers through his thick, silky hair, I shifting my hands to cup and angle his face back to better meet mine, kissing him with more depth, losing myself further.

It was then that he began sliding his hands further up my sides, inch by agonising inch. I pulled back a little from him, closing my mouth a fraction, allowing it to calm. I was too fully aware of his touch to concentrate wholly on his lips.

He slid his hands further northward, his fingers gliding over the ridges of my ribs, almost making me jolt, and leaving a trail of burning, trembling skin in their wake. When he reached the swell of my breasts, the pressure of his fingers became little more than a graze. His hands paused, almost as if in surprise, and it was then that I pulled my lips completely from his mouth.

Resting my forehead gently with his, I allowed my breathing to once again slow as I concentrated fully on the sensation of Edward's hands over me.

His face was tilted toward mine, his eyes were still closed, and a small crease was piquing between his eyebrows. With a long release of my breath, I allowed my eyes to fall shut again, feeling his hands on my bare skin more acutely.

He was so shy and apprehensive, but his touch was like fire, igniting every inch of my skin with an intensity beneath his hands that was close to overwhelming me.

His fingertips slowly rose over my breasts, drawing an almost surprised, breathless gasp from me.

He faltered, his hands freezing over me. "Bella," he began, his low husky voice barely audible as it bathed my face in warmth, "if you're not comfortable..."

"Shut up and don't stop!" I interjected, almost desperately as my voice fought against my bated breath. But I couldn't help it. His hands were eliciting a desire within me that I had never experienced before.

His breath exhaled shortly through his nose, before he leaned in to press his lips to my cheek, nuzzling against my skin, while I felt the smile curve on his lips.

With a little more pressure, he continued to run his searing fingers over my breasts, hesitantly at first, and then more firmly. With gaining confidence, he ran his thumbs over the peaks, grazing my nipples with the barest of weight. It was like receiving a slight electric shock. I quivered slightly, inhaling it in then releasing it into a shuddering sigh, then moving my head back slightly, I caressed his face with my nose and lips.

"Edward..." I breathed his name; the tone of it almost coming out as a low, whispered moan. I ran my fingers rigidly through his hair again, this time wanting to grab fistfuls of it in my hands.

His reply was an almost animalistic, muffled sound. Not quite a sigh or a moan, but something so much more intense. His scolding hands then cupped over my breasts and squeezed. It stimulated such a reaction from me, that I grabbed his face and pushed myself against him, engulfing his lips with mine.

With nothing supporting him upright, he quickly went backwards, with me landing flat on top of him.

He pulled his lips from mine, just as the air gushed from his lungs, becoming a breathless moan. Then in one motion he rolled us to the side—his hands still clamped over my breasts—where he locked his mouth once again with mine.

With one hand clutching the nap of this neck, a fistful of his hair curled around my balled fist, I ran my other beneath his shirt, feeling his impossibly burning skin with my palm.

I wanted to feel that hot naked skin against mine.

I pulled him flush against me, pressing my fingers into his skin, and feeling the motion of his lungs expanding and retracting heavily, as his heated breath flooded my mouth.

He pulled his hands from my breasts, and as I continued to become hopelessly immersed in his lips, I was only semi-conscious of where he put them. One of them curled around my waist, while the other trailed back down my side, past my pyjama bottoms, down my thigh until he reached the back of my knee. Pulling my leg toward him, he rolled into me simultaneously, until he was suddenly lying directly on top of me and wholly between my legs.

Again I was aware only of the sensation of him. Of his firm tender lips and his tongue as it slid against mine, of his hands as his fingers pressed into my skin; and finally of him—the very essence of him—bulging in his tracksuit pants, granite hard and pressing stubbornly between my legs.

The friction of it made stars literally blaze behind my closed eyes; making my breath shorten then hitch. I breathlessly hummed the absolute release it was giving me against his lips. A sound quickly echoed, from Edward, more lowly; more primitively.

Pulling his lips from mine, he trailed them along my jaw, until he plunged them into the base of my throat. He planted a series of hot kisses up and along my neck, until he came to the end of my jaw, directly below my ear. Kissing the area more tenderly, he allowed it to linger before I felt the burning sensation of his tongue connect with my skin.

My breath hitched, and immediately I felt the hot, ruddiness of my aroused and heated blood flush my face. I opened my eyes, they rolled back a fraction as Edward continued to kiss and savour my neck, before they eventually focused.

I closed them again and sighed, long and heavily, before I brought my hand up to my forehead; pushing my hair from my face as I did. "Edward?"

"Mmm?" he murmured lowly, completely distracted, his voice muffled as he continued to nuzzle my skin.

"Buzz Lightyear is watching us."

* * *

**A/N: Take a photo, Buzz... But who are these two? I barely recognise them!**


	36. Because of You

**A/N: Because of you ... something something the sidewalk ... something something so I don't get hurt ...  
I have NFI what the words are to this song.**

* * *

**Chapter 36**

**Because of You**

**Edward's POV**

After twenty-four hours without release, an erection has got to pose some kind of serious psychological and physical threat. I was fucking sure of it. It was getting painful and exhausting; making me feel like a horny sack of primal impulses and not much else.

But, there was no way I was going to trade in or risk what I had with Bella at the moment, over something that could be easily fixed by simply whacking off in the shower.

I was just going to have to console myself with this daily ritual until I could have sex with my girlfriend.

I thought that's where Bella had wanted it to go the night before. It was where I was taking us when she let me know that it was obviously going too far for her. It was probably a good thing. I hadn't really planned ahead on it. I had no condoms and I had no idea what Bella's status was on birth control. I wasn't even sure if she was a virgin or not. We had only been officially a couple for little over a week—never mind that I felt like I'd known her all my life.

I suspected Bella was a virgin; she was way too uncertain for me to think otherwise. Only, last night, how she'd been with me ... it contradicted it a little bit.

The fact that it took her six months to completely open herself to me, suggested she was a virgin. I knew I didn't really help smooth out the path for us with most of my actions, but she was a guarded person by nature. It was blatantly obvious, and knowing her mother, no one could blame her. But when it came to kissing me; to pulling me against her; to wrapping her legs around me and pushing herself against my dick and almost fucking killing me in the process, well then she seemed to know exactly what she was doing. And by no means was she shy or uncertain.

But fuck, we hadn't even come close to talking about shit like this, and how the hell did I breech the subject of asking about her sexual past—or lack of—anyway?

I'd never had sex with a virgin before...

I felt myself stiffen; in fact, I felt fucking pissed off at the thought that, hypothetically, someone might have touched her before me. I knew it was irrational, but just the idea of it...

Jesus, I was a dickhead!

I had to shove these thoughts from my mind and get some sleep.

Huffing out my breath, and bringing my hand to rub my forehead, I turned to look at the digital clock radio.

It was 12:30 am.

I had to get up in five and a half hours, and even though I was beyond freaking tired, I was finding it hard to fall asleep. One reason was because I was buzzing like an exposed nerve, and amped up on arousal. The reason I was in this condition was because Bella's limp, warm, sleeping body was draped over mine. Her head was lying against my chest, her arms wrapped loosely around me, while her knee was bent straight into my groin. It kind of sabotaged all attempts to kill my hard on, while keeping me, exhaustingly, on the edge.

I curled my arm more tightly around her waist and rested my hand against her bare hip. She took a long, slow breath, released it, squirming against me, mumbling my name almost incoherently.

I smiled to myself and angled my head forward to press my lips to the top of her head. Her hair was silky and was scented with some estrogen based aphrodisiac that I was sure was designed specifically to turn poor bastards like me into slaves. I inhaled her in deeply before a flood of desire instantly made my erection come fully back to life.

_Fuck!_

I groaned lowly and deeply, only half under my breath. I was going to have to get up in five hours and have a shower first. Though, how the fuck I could last that long was any one's guess.

It was my own fault. I should have told Bella to go back in with the girls. But like the masochistic dick that I was, I didn't want to let her go. And she'd turned those gorgeous brown eyes on me and told me she wanted to stay with me. And, the blood from my dick still hadn't made up for the depleted amount circulating in my brain. And, at the time I was still in make out mode and was little more than a horny, sweating, drooling mess.

She stirred again before curling her hand around my neck and entwining her leg around mine. Thankfully, she removed her knee from my tortured groin.

I fell asleep around 1:00 am.

**...**

"_EDWARD, OI—MATE, YOU IN THERE?_"

Bella and I woke with a start.

I gazed around confused for a moment trying to get my bearings when the window was rapped loudly.

"_EDWARD_!" John's voice called through the glass this time.

In a rush, recognition hit me. I glanced at the time hastily. It was 6:00 am.

"Oh shit!" I muttered. Careful not to disturb Bella, who was still gazing around groggily, I jumped from the bed. "_I'LL BE RIGHT OUT_!" I called back.

Pulling off my track pants, I hastily threw on the first pair of jeans I saw, before dragging a sweater over my head. I turned around and grabbed my shoes, when my eyes caught with Bella's.

"You forgot to set the alarm," she mused, her smile growing more adorable by the fact that she was still half-asleep.

I walked over to her and kissed her on the forehead. I couldn't risk walking outside with a Bella induced boner increasing my morning wood by kissing her lips, after all. "You kind of distracted me. I'll see you later."

Carrying my shoes, I hurried to where the guys were waiting for me in John's 4X4.

Kel's parents were having a barbecue in her honor that afternoon, and afterwards her friends were celebrating her life with a bonfire. I'd agreed to help the guys assemble one.

I was anticipating another day of hard labor and another night with Bella in my arms; I wasn't sure which one would be more painful. And it didn't help that over the last two nights I'd barely slept more than eight hours.

It wasn't that I didn't want to spend every waking minute with Bella. I did. In fact, it was hard to stay away from her. But having her sleeping with me for another night, having her body pressed against mine while knowing, physically, there wasn't anything I could do…? It was becoming a form of torture.

Chris dropped John and I back off just after midday, and the way I felt went beyond _buggered_. I was fucked! The lack of sleep had caught up with me and because I'd slept in, I hadn't eaten anything for breakfast. On top of this, I'd drunk two cans of beer, because apparently in Australia nothing was done without it. On an empty stomach it only made me feel queasy and sluggish.

And four hours of lifting around twenty foot long, fallen tree branches was fucking backbreaking.

"You look like you could use another cold one, mate?" John said to me with a quick grin as we walked through the front door.

_Oh, God. No._

"Thanks, but I'm good. I might just head to the shower," I replied, rubbing the dried sweat—that was itching the shit out of me—from the back of my neck.

"Rightio. I'll tell the old lady to leave you some lunch then." He slapped me on the back as I turned down the hall.

When I opened the kid's bedroom door to grab a fresh pair of clothes, my cell started buzzing on the nightstand where I'd left it. I picked it up.

Mom.

"Hey, mom," I said, rubbing the back of my head lazily.

"Hi, sweetheart, just seeing how everything is," she replied cheerfully.

"Good—it's all good."

"You sound tired," her voice lowered.

"I'm fine."

"How's Alice and Bella?"

"Good."

"Okay, well—" she began, but was interrupted by Emmett's loud boisterous voice calling out, '_mother'_. "Hang on, sweetheart." The receiver made a few noises as she muffled the phone. "What is it, Emmett?" I heard her ask him as clearly as she'd just spoken to me.

"_Tell Edith he had better have gotten a good root in with Bella! I'm sick of his moody, no-rooting bullshit."_

I closed my eyes and groaned.

The phone made another shuffling sound. "Emmett wants to tell you that he hopes you're taking good care of Bella," mom relayed with a dry voice.

"Tell him I am," I insisted, a little too hastily, immediately desperate to hang up the phone. "Mom, I've gotta go—lunch!"

"Okay, darling, I'll see you all in a few days' time, then. Give Alice a kiss for me and Bella my love."

"Okay, I will," I said and quickly hung up.

I threw my cell on the neatly made bed and ran both my hands down my face with an exasperated sigh.

Freaking Emmett!

In the shower I was too exhausted to jerk off. Not that I had the need to after all the _'hard yakka'_ I'd done that morning. I could barely summon my limbs to run the soap over myself. Every muscle within my body was stiff and aching. I just stood under the spray with my forehead resting against the glass screen—which was all that held me on my feet—and closed my eyes.

There was a polite tap on the door, alerting me to the fact that I'd spent a bad-mannered amount of time in the shower. I turned the water off immediately.

"Edward?" Carol's voice called through the door. "Your lunch is ready. Is everything okay?"

"Um yeah I'm fine. Coming now," I replied hastily.

Carol was a great cook and she kept her guests well fed. When I walked into the kitchen—feeling like a gluttonous prick having just soaked up all the household's hot water—she ushered me to the table and placed a huge bowl of, what looked like, Irish stew in front of me with a few bread rolls. I devoured it like I was half starved.

"The girls are out with the horses," she explained to me, taking my bowl and cutlery from me with a small exasperated smile, when I attempted to clean them in the sink.

"Okay." I nodded, with a grateful smile.

"It's good to see Bella so happy again. I almost don't recognize her, smiling so much," she added, wistfully.

I grinned to myself. Mainly because at the mention of Bella's smile, I got the image of that smile she was always directing at me—owning my ass and seeing straight through me, while flirting with me at the same time. It fucked me up, and made me immediately regret that I wasn't more _proactive_ in the shower.

The minute I spotted Bella, I _definitely _regretted it.

As I walked around the house toward the back paddock, I was just in time to see her pull herself up on a chestnut horse and swing her leg over the saddle with an agility that I'd never seen in her.

It was so freaking hot that I stopped dead in my tracks, with my jaw elevating somewhere near the second coming of my erection.

I stood in freaking stupor for a moment, before I released my breath and forced myself forward. I wanted to just watch her as she guided the horse around the paddock with such ease that she seemed to move completely as one with it. Her hair was whipping out behind her as she rose and fell with the horses strides. It was almost freaking erotic.

It was definitely going to be one of those images that wouldn't leave my mind easily.

This was not the Bella I knew at all. In fact, from the first night in Australia, I got the impression she wasn't comfortable around horses. She'd frozen up like she was actually scared of them.

I was still contemplating this when I approached the fence. I leaned up against it, and propped my elbows on the top railing, my eyes not once deviating from her.

"I know now why Bella can't walk without tripping over herself." Alice turned to me, her eyes wide with wonder.

I snorted softly before it eased into a grin. "Why is that?"

"Because she's obviously had a horse do all the walking for her. Look at her!"

I was and it was freaking detrimental to my sanity.

Becoming aware of me, Bella slowed the horse down and led it back in my direction; stopping right at the fence before Alice and me. She released the reins, ruffled the horse's mane then jumped from the saddle with the same swiftness she'd had a moment ago.

"All yours, Alice," she said just as the horse nudged her with its nose. She chuckled softly and patted its long neck affectionately, her eyes meeting mine. She flashed me a warm, semi-ass owning smile, only breaking her gaze as Alice squealed in anticipation.

She helped Alice adjust and fasten the helmet under her chin. Alice then propped herself up, into the saddle while Bella unbuckled something to change the height of the stirrups.

In typical Alice fashion, she proceeded to lead the horse around the paddock with way too much confidence.

Bella climbed under the fence railings to stand at my side. When I broke my watchful eye on Alice and looked down at her she was already gazing at me, her brow wrinkled with concern.

"You look buggered, Edward?"

I broke into a grin. "I'm okay. Where's Nummi and Rach?" I asked her, wrapping my arm over her shoulder and pulling her closer to me.

She snaked an arm around my waist then turned back toward the barn, just as they came into view; both leading a horse toward the paddock. "They're going to teach Alice to ride," she explained.

I nodded then looked down to her again. "I didn't know you could ride, Bella? You gave me the impression you were ... scared of horses."

Her expression fell and her eyes flickered with sadness before she broke my gaze. "I'm not scared of them ... no. Kel, was just so into her horses. It ... was hard to see them again." She shrugged then bowed her forehead to my chest momentarily, before she turned her eyes to watch Alice trotting along the fence line. She smiled warmly, with growing amusement. "Alice cracks me up."

I enclosed her in my arms, pulling her fully against me. Everything she felt—everything that reflected in those fucked up haunted eyes of hers—seemed to rebound within me. And every time that heartbroken freaking look infiltrated her expression, it practically tore my chest open.

Sighing deeply, she encircled her arms around my back, and relaxed against my chest for a moment before she untangled herself and reached up to wrap her arms around my neck. She pressed herself against me, her hot breathed washing over me before I felt her lips connect with my neck.

I could feel the groan of the restrained beast echo through me, right along with my growing desire.

As she stretched further up to tighten her arms around me, her shirt inched up and I became exposed to her warm, naked skin beneath my fingers.

I was immediately an open flame.

I rested my chin on top of her head, trying to stop my hands from all out groping her. I could still recall the feel of her body in my hands from the night before, and it was a temptation that almost got the better of me.

I cleared my throat. "You wanna go for a walk?"

She made a deliberate attempt of mimicking me, by clearing hers. "Yes."

I grinned, exhaling as I did before I released her and grabbed her hand. She caught my eye and smiled up at me, full of playful warmth; I brought her hand to my lips and kissed the back of it.

She led us further down the paddock. We passed the tree that we'd sat under on our first night in Australia, until eventually we were among fields upon fields of sheep. The paddock came to an end and open countryside was suddenly spread out before us. Leading us over to a small patch of green grass, directly in the sunlight, we sat down.

I leaned back on my elbows, closed my eyes and soaked in the sun. It was high, warm and made me immediately drowsy. Taking a deep breath, I released it into an exhausted groan, before turning to Bella; squinting from the glare.

She was eying me, her brow puckering with concern.

"Your eyes are bloodshot. How much sleep did you get last night, Edward?" She was serious and as she continued to gaze at me, her expression hedged towards ... guilt.

I sighed this time and rolled my eyes at her affectionately. She threw me a shrewd smirk in response.

Reaching up to her, I cupped my palm around the back of her neck, and as I pulled her down to meet my lips, I laid my head in her lap.

She had to practically fold herself in half to merge her mouth with mine.

I kissed her tenderly as her hair spilled over my face. She tucked it behind both her ears before pulling her lips from mine and pressing them to my forehead. When she pulled back, she pushed the front of my hair gingerly from my brow and began idly running her fingers through it. Slowly and gently she raked them through my hair and over my scalp.

Then she stopped and slid her finger tips to my forehead.

I closed my eyes and focused only her touch. It was so soothing that my eyelids began to feel heavy. She was practically lulling me off to sleep, if not for the fact that my dick was in direct competition with my exhaustion.

Her fingers moved tentatively over the scar that ran just below my hair line, before they trailed down my forehead and over the other reminder of that fucked up night; the scar below my left eyebrow. She didn't linger there. I wasn't sure whether she felt me tense—I felt fucking bare naked with her focal point being on it—but soon her fingers were running down my face to my mouth. She traced my bottom lip back and forth, before she gently tugged my mouth to open.

"What are you doing?" I asked breaking into a grin.

She placed her fingers over my mouth before I felt her shift forward and bend over me again. Her hair swept over my face, engulfing my senses with the scent of her shampoo, only moments before her parted lips locked with mine.

She kissed me softly, with her hands gently about my face. It was tender and affectionate, and just on the edge of intensifying each time she pulled back.

It provoked me into action.

I glided my hand along her back, and with my fingers entangled in her hair, I cupped it around the back of her neck. Holding her to me more securely, I opened my mouth a fraction more and deepened her kiss. She didn't object to it; in fact I felt the air escape through her nose rapidly before she took another breath and kissed me back a little more heatedly.

It was just her supple lips and mouth, nothing more. But even still, I became too immersed in it—and quickly yearned for more. It was never enough with her. Even now, the realization that I was actually kissing her was blowing my fucking mind away, but it seemed irrelevant. After everything I'd endured to get Bella and me to this point, it should have been enough, but it wasn't. As my heart raced a marathon in my chest, I knew it, and as my erection strained painfully behind the confines of my jeans, I _felt_ it.

Maybe I was just a selfish, horny sack of shit, but I was struggling to fight against it; struggling to keep some boundaries between us.

I'm guessing Bella sensed this from me because she pulled her lips from mine and again rested them on my brow. This time, when I felt the air escape her nose, it was with a sigh.

I had no idea whether it was regretful, or weary.

She straightened back up, seeming almost reluctant. I opened my eyes; she was staring around her with a sad faraway look in her eyes. When they flickered back to me she smiled. She seemed conflicted at first, before it quickly grew warm.

"You okay?" I asked her gently.

"Yeah," she answered, nodding her head simultaneously while her lips curved more into that freaking smile of hers. She went back to running her fingers through my hair, elaborating not long after, "I'm not really looking forward to this barbecue tonight. It ... seems final now. You know?"

I gazed at her fixedly for a moment. Her whole face began to slowly transform with pain—only briefly—before she seemed to push it away with the return of her smile.

She was trying to be brave, but she was still faltering.

"I know," I agreed quietly. I pulled myself quickly from her lap and sat up.

She turned her eyes on me. They were swimming with heartache, despite the affection glistening amongst them.

I took her hands in mine and tentatively pulled her against my chest. "Just promise me you won't get yourself lost in at all again, okay?"

She nodded, answering with a short mumbling reply into the fabric of my t-shirt.

"Or I will come in there and get you," I teased her with feigned authority.

She pulled back to look into my eyes before softly chuckling, shaking her head to herself slightly. "What would I do without you, Edward?"

"Hmmm ... you'd throw up in your hair," I teased her.

She immediately shoved me playfully, with a mocking scowl. Then, grabbing my face, almost impulsively, she planted a deep, soft kiss on my lips that was almost long. When her lips parted slowly from mine, it almost fucking killed me. It wasn't just her kissing me. It went so much deeper and it would stay with me forever. Because that kiss was the physical equivalent of the night before, when she told me she loved me.

**...**

By the time we walked back, Alice was still in the paddock, only now she was running the freaking horse around the fence line like she'd been riding all her life.

"She's fallen off three times," Rach spoke matter-of-factly, while I groaned to myself internally, dragging my hand through my hair, agitated.

"Oh, God!" Bella declared, shaking her head to herself and laughing softly.

"She is so _stubborn._" Nummi chuckled. "She gives new meaning to the term,_ getting back on the horse_."

"I can't watch," I said abruptly and pulled Bella with me towards the house.

But before I took more than half a dozen steps, she held me back. "Edward, watch. You worry too much, and you need to de-stress!"

She led me back over to the paddock fence, her grin turning wry. I allowed her to, only half begrudgingly, because I would have followed her into Dante's seven circles of hell at that moment.

Ironically, I began to realize exactly how right Jazz had been. Bella had my balls right in the palms of her hands; she always had. I was only glad the prick wasn't here to say something fucking witless like he usually did. Even on the way to the airport, while I had my girlfriend beyond distraught in my arms, the asshole still managed to ask me if I needed a chili to cool down. It was the first time I'd ever seen Alice give him a look that wasn't suggestive. But Bella, on the other hand, seemed to snap out of her anguish for the briefest moment and almost smiled. It was only because of that, that I gave the asshole a reprieve.

"I think she's finally got the hang of it," Rach's voice severed my thoughts, bringing me back to the present moment.

My eyes focused in on Alice, who was riding the horse with even more confidence than she had earlier. I scoffed, shaking my head to myself.

"Do you want a ride, Edward?" Bella asked me.

"Bells!" Nummi spoke up, after sucking in her breath; teasing her with feigned shock. "Get a room!"

"Nummi..." Bella Mumbled.

I glanced up to her. She was sitting on the top railing on the inside of the paddock fence and the instant my eyes caught hers, she snapped them away. She wasn't quick enough to conceal the look of discomfort on her face. And even as she kept her face averted from mine, I could still see the shade her cheeks were rapidly turning.

I hadn't seen her face turn this red since condoms and cucumbers.

I wrapped my arms around her waist, resting my hands in her lap. She turned to face me, her face still burning, but smiling at me in that way that made my dick feel freaking bi-polar. Taking a deliberate breath she released it and rolled her eyes before curling her hand around my neck and pushing her fingers through my hair. I stood closer to her, to make sure the pen in my pants wasn't obvious to Rach and Nummi.

"Shoot! We'd better pack it up soon; we still have to go into town!" Nummi suddenly exclaimed.

Kel's mother had put the girls in charge of the meat for the barbecue, which meant a trip to the butchers. Bella had insisted in going too, so we all were—because Rach had told me earlier that the possibility of running into the bitch mother again was high.

"Edward, why don't you stay here and see if you can get some sleep? You look terrible," Bella suggested as we made our way back to the house. She squeezed my hand and smiled up at me as if in emphasis that she'd be okay without me, but there was no chance it was going to happen.

"I'll stay, if you stay with me," I countered, lowering my voice and trying to tease her, when I was deadly serious.

Her eyebrows pulled together before she drew in her breath and huffed it out. "I can't hide, Edward. Besides, I probably should confront her," she said lowly, becoming lost in her thoughts, her face darkening.

This scared the shit out of me. The last encounter Bella had with her mother, she'd pulled back to timbuc-fucking-too and it took a bottle of vodka to get her out of it. My main concern was her pulling away from me. I guess that made me a selfish prick, but I didn't want to see her go backwards and there was no way in this fucked up world I'd sit idly by while her mother assaulted her again. Female or not, I'd break her fucking neck if she laid a finger on her.

"Edward, you're..." Bella spoke up hesitantly before she abandoned it.

I glanced down at her, my anxiety retracting to confusion. "I'm ... what?"

"You're doing that thing again where your face goes from frustrated to stressed to pissed off to ... scary..." her voice trailed off, and she sighed, rubbing her brow as though I was adding to her burden.

"I'm just worried about you, Bella, that's all," I admitted seriously.

She released my hand and wrapped her arm around my waist, pulling herself against my side. "I'm okay—I promise."

"I'm still coming," I insisted, looking down and grinning at her replying frown.

"Stubborn," she said quietly, with a small smile pushing at the corners of her mouth.

…

Bella seemed relaxed and at ease to the trip into town, until we stepped out of the car; she immediately went tense and her face drained. Clutching my hand tightly, she kept close to my side, walking stiffly, until she practically put herself behind me.

Rach and Nummi noticed her reaction, but didn't mention it. I figured they knew her a whole lot better than I did, so I decided not to bring it to her attention either. Alice as usual took it to a new level and took Bella's other hand, wrapped it around her waist and slung her arm over Bella's shoulders.

Bella's face almost instantly relaxed into a warm smile. Alice's contact seemed to definitely loosen her up; she eased her vice-like grip on my hand and released her breath.

It wasn't until we were about to walk into the butchers that she immediately froze. I only had to glance down at her and see her wide eyes and pale, fearful expression to understand instantly.

Before I could look over to where Bella's eyes were staring fixedly, her mother's voice rang out arrogantly. I straightened up, almost reflexively, with anger tensing its way into every muscle.

"I would like a word with you!"

"Get her out of here, Nummi," Rach said lowly.

"No! I'm okay," Bella insisted, refusing to budge, even as I tried to pull her behind me.

The color slowly came back to her face and the fear in her eyes from a moment ago was melting away to reveal a sudden, angry resolve. She kept her hand clamped around mine, but stood her ground as her mother walked straight up to us.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" her mother accused her, folding her arms and ignoring Rach who placed herself almost directly between her and Bella.

"What?" Bella demanded, her face twisting with anger and disbelief. She was trembling and her hand that clung to mine was practically wet, but seeming to ignore it, she raised her head boldly, without cowering, and faced her mother.

"You know darn well, what," her mother spat back.

"Fuck you, Renee." She suddenly burst. Her voice wavered a little, but her tone was hard and pissed off.

_Holy shit!_

"How dare you—you ungrateful little—" She took a threatening step forward.

Rach and Nummi immediately blocked her path, just as Alice lunged forward. Since my first reaction was to shield Bella, I struggled to hold freaking Alice back from going on a rampage.

"Get out of my way, girl!" The woman growled at Rach.

"You'd better get out of my face, right now," was Rach's low, hard edged response.

Renee paused, flickering her eyes from Bella to Rach, as if gauging her. She turned her callous, narrow eyes back towards Bella, having obviously decided not to call Rach's bluff. "I raised your sorry ass—" she began, but Bella cut her off; pulling herself stubbornly from behind me.

"Raised me? You didn't raise me. You did nothing but abuse me my entire life!" There was no more fear; she was pissed off. "Kel's mother fed me! Nummi's clothed me. Rach's gave me a place to sleep when you were drunk and beating the shit out of me. You did _nothing_!"

"You're a lying little piece of shit!" her mother spat back, seething. She took another step towards her again, but this time Rach forcefully shoved her back.

"You're the God damn bloody liar here, not Bella! Don't pretend we all don't know the truth, now, _Mrs. Dwyer,_" Rach mocked her, sneering angrily. Shit, even I would have cowered from her, though Renee stood her ground clinging arrogantly to her self-righteous indignation.

"Rach, it's okay," Bella said calmly before she drew her attention to her mother. Her eyes were resolute and resigned. "I have nothing more to say to you, Renee. All you ever cared about was your men and your alcohol. I never had a mother, and you're _nothing_ to me."

She turned her back on her, and again I pulled her behind me; shielding her. But I remained guarded, not comfortable with taking my eyes fully off her mother, who was screaming furiously, calling Bella disgusting names as Rach and Nummi forced her away. I tried to ignore it, keeping my jaw clenched stiffly, breathing angrily through my nose to prevent myself from retaliating as the anger flowed through me.

"Get me out of here, Edward," Bella whispered, her voice wavering; coming close to breaking. I snapped my gaze down to her. She looked pale again and her chest was rising and falling rapidly. I suspected her reserves of bravery were running on empty and she was falling into panic mode again.

Tucking her under my arm protectively, I led her away in the opposite direction. I could feel her openly shaking against me as she clung to me, her fists twisting into my t-shirt. I glanced over my shoulder to make sure her mother wasn't following and noticed that Alice was behind us. She gazed up at me and shook her head slightly, in disbelief.

I spotted a small park, a safe distance away down the street on the other side of the road and headed there. As soon as we stopped, Bella pulled from my arms. Her head was bowed and her chest continued to rise and fall deeply.

I held my breath, afraid to speak. Afraid to spark her into action; to allow her mother to poison her again; to start doubting herself and turn away from me.

"Are ... you okay, Bella?" Alice asked delicately.

She nodded her head vigorously, but kept it lowered. "I'm fine, Alice." Her voice was too full of emotion and she sounded almost irrational.

"Sweetie," I began, holding my hand out to her apprehensively. "You were—"

But she cut me off, "Edward..." It was neither a question nor a statement.

She brought her palm flat to her forehead and raised her head. Her eyes were closed and her eyebrows pulled tightly together, hiding the emotion she was obviously struggling with. Then, bringing both hands to her face, she pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes and took a long, deep, emotionally charged breath.

I stood before her, helplessly, with baited breath, feeling her slip away from me. All over again.

Apprehensively, Bella removed her hands from her face before her gaze met mine. Her eyes were blazing and looked slightly manic; nothing at all like the bottomless pits of despair they were the last time she ran into her mother.

She did something then that took me completely by surprise. She pushed the air from her lungs in a sort of incredulous scoff.

"Holy shit!" she exclaimed. Shaking her head slightly to herself her expression a combination of disbelief and awe. "I can't believe how good that felt!"

* * *

**A/N: A good friend made a banner for this fic. The link is on my profile. I love it. Anywho, ****thanks for reading, peeps.**


	37. The Bonfire

**A/N: some ... cream puff... and a longy. I think this is the longest yet. *sigh***

* * *

**CHAPTER 37**

**The Bonfire**

**Edward's POV**

Taking two giant steps, I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and drew her to me. She was still trembling and slightly pale, but she was still here.

"You were awesome," I murmured into her ear.

Her eyes rose to meet mine, her smile tugging broader as the color returned to her cheeks, before she bowed her head, her expression falling. "I'm done, and I promised Kel I'd put Renee behind me." Her voice was soft, yet resolute.

I squeezed her gently.

She pulled from my arms, but grabbed my hand and turned toward Alice. "I'm sorry you guys had to see ... that." Her brow puckered and her eyes returned to the ground.

"Bella, you have nothing to be sorry about!" Alice replied seriously, slinging her arm over her shoulder affectionately.

Bella lifted her head, her smile turning self-conscious. She bit down on her lower lip as her eyes again lowered to the ground.

"And you handled yourself with dignity," Alice continued. "I would have seriously..." she left the sentence unspoken, her face clouding darkly.

"I know what you would have done, Alice!" Bella replied, almost chuckling, but not meeting her gaze.

Alice turned to me with concern working into her expression. I was beginning to feel edgy. It was obvious Bella was slipping, and I was unsure how to react to her.

I released my breath, heavily, catching Bella's attention. She looked up at me and flashed me a warm, reassuring smile, mouthing _I'm okay_.

She was reassuring _me_.

Fuck, I loved her!

Feeling suddenly overwhelmed, I pulled her against me. She didn't resist; instead she rested her head against my chest, took a deep breath and seemed to relax.

Leaning up against a tree, with Bella leaning against me chatting with Alice, we waited for Nummi and Rach to return. I kept a protective hand around Bella, not wanting to smother her, while keeping a close eye out for her evil fucking mother. There was no sign of her, and Bella didn't seem too fazed by the possibility of her coming back. She was slightly tense, and a little quieter than usual, but otherwise she seemed like she was handling it fine.

Still, I kept expecting a delayed reaction from her; for the realization of it to suddenly hit her; for her to freeze up and close herself off again.

But she didn't.

As the minutes passed by, she relaxed even further into me and begun playing with my fingers on my hand around her. I was beginning to think she felt safe with me—that she trusted me. A fact that wasn't lost on Rach or Nummi either. When they met up with us at the park, their immediate concern was for Bella. But, when they realized she was fine, their eyes quickly turned to me, their expressions almost confused.

It wasn't until Rach's expression turned canny, that I began to suspect her meaning; a meaning Nummi verbalized as I was climbing in the car.

"Whatever you did to her, Edward, I'd keep doing it," she said lowly to me, so Bella wouldn't hear, flashing me a sly grin.

Bella fell quiet on the ride back to Nummi's. Sitting beside me in the backseat, she gazed out the window looking lost in her thoughts. I knew she had to be feeling inundated by what had happened, but she was holding strong. She had her hand draped over my leg as her fingers trailed absently along my knee. Tentatively, I reached out and pulled her in my arms. Again, she didn't object, but willingly relaxed against me with a small sigh.

Carol hurried outside when we pulled up in front of the house, embracing Bella the minute she stepped out of the car. "You okay, sweetheart?" she asked anxiously, bringing her hands to cup Bella's face.

Bella nodded. Her face still looked paler than usual, but otherwise there still wasn't any evidence that she was about to lose it again.

"She's okay, Edward," Rach said reassuringly from beside me.

I looked down at her; she was smiling up at me warmly that was almost a shrewd grin. I nodded and smiled back simultaneously, rubbing my chin to break eye contact. Rach was pretty astute, and I wasn't sure whether I was being paranoid, but I was certain there was something behind her eyes that hinted that she was well aware of what Bella and I had almost done on Nummi's little brother's bed the night before.

The girls went to shower and get ready for the barbecue, while I hung with Nummi, who, like me, had already showered that morning. We were chatting casually when her eyebrows suddenly drew close together, as if with sudden realization.

"Oh my God," she whispered, shaking her head to herself, an awed expression replacing her surprise.

"What...?" I asked her, curious.

"Do you remember the picture of Bella and her teddy bear?"

Remember? There wasn't a chance I'd ever forget. The beautiful little girl, whose face was lit up into a bright smile, with the most haunting fucking eyes imaginable.

"Yeah, I remember," I replied quietly.

"His name was Edward—I can't believe I didn't remember that straight away." She scoffed.

My head snapped to meet her gaze in surprise. I just stared at her for a moment, blinking blankly before I felt an impulsive grin break across my face. "Is that what she named him?"

Nummi shook her head and glanced down, biting on her thumbnail and looking suddenly troubled. "No, that was his name. He was one of those each-one-is-an-original bears that came with a birth certificate. He was the only toy Bella owned—shit, she loved him like nothing else. Her father bought him for her for Christmas one year."

I suddenly felt nervous. "What happened to her bear, Nummi?"

She raised her head and met my eyes; her expression was suddenly pissed off. "Renee threw him in the fireplace and made Bella watch him burn."

I just stared at her for a moment, fucking flabbergasted before a wave of burning anger began to flow through me. I leaned my head into my hand slowly and rubbed my brow with my fingers in a controlled attempt to rein it in. "What kind of _fucked up mother_ would do that to her kid?!" I suddenly demanded.

She shook her head in agreement before her eyes shot nervously down the hall—where the bedrooms were—as if making sure no one had overheard. "Edward, don't tell Bella I told you about this," she pleaded with me.

"I won't mention it, Nummi. I promise," I reassured her, but my mind was still focused on the image of five year old Bella, cuddling her bear.

It fucking crippled me.

I dragged my hand stiffly through my hair, feeling another buildup of anger course through my veins.

"She never mentioned him again. That's the way Bella deals with things; she pretends it never happened," Nummi murmured.

When I glanced over and met her eyes, she was gazing at me intently; scrutinizing me, with concern puckering her brow. "You can't let it get to you, Edward. Bella hates when anyone pities her."

I nodded, resigned. "Okay." I sighed, when another thought occurred to me. One that brought my anger immediately back to the surface. "Hang on—are you telling methat her father only bought her one Christmas present her _whole life_?"

"Her mother used to intercept them," she explained quietly.

I only shook my head, rolling my eyes—pissed off!

"Edward," Nummi spoke sternly this time, reminding me of Alice suddenly. "She's gonna know something's up the minute she sees your expression."

The second I saw Bella I almost gave it away. If she hadn't just had a confrontation with her mother, I think she would have caught on by my reaction immediately.

I was walking to the kid's room to get a sweater and jacket for the night, when she came around the corner. She flashed me that freaking smile of hers and I grabbed her immediately and engulfed her impulsively in my arms.

"Um ... Edward? Are you okay?" She wrapped her arms tightly around my waist and squeezed me gently.

I think I scoffed to myself in awe and with too much emotion.

She was fucking adorable.

"I'm okay, sweetheart." My voice was compromised by her—by the smell and feel of her hair against my face. I cleared it quickly.

She pulled back, her expression quirked in concern as she evaluated me. "Edward ... you're doing that face again."

How was it that she could read me so clearly?

"Am I? I'll try and stop."

She sighed deeply, her shoulders slumping a little with it. "Edward, I'm okay. I know I ... hurt you last time." Her eyes flickered away from mine, filling with guilt.

_Jesus._

"If you say sorry, Bella, I'm gonna go postal on you," I teased her, feigning aggravation, and chuckling softly when her brow immediately creased in confusion.

"You're gonna go _what _on me?"

"You're adorable," I said gently, pulling her tighter against my chest.

Untangling herself from my arms gingerly, she rolled her eyes, flashed me that freaking smile again—that was gonna be the end of me very soon—then left me to it as she headed towards the living room.

I quickly grabbed a hoodie and my jacket, rolled them into a ball in my arms, and was heading back out when Alice popped her head around the door.

"Hey, can we talk for a minute?" She walked in without waiting for my answer; in typical Alice fashion.

"About...?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

She shook her head brashly and kind of shrugged to herself. "Look there's no easy way of doing this. So just—here." And with that she shoved a box of ... condoms in my hands.

"Alice!" I exclaimed, shoving them back at her. "What the hell?!"

"Just in case, Edward. Okay?" She went to hand them back to me, but instead of taking them, I folded my arms across my chest.

"You don't think I've got this, Alice—_Jesus_!" I could feel the heat rapidly building just beneath my skin. It was about to flash in my face and give the little rat an edge over me. Only, I couldn't decide if I was more pissed off that my sister felt she needed to have a freaking sex talk with me, or because she knew more than she should about Bella and me.

"I know Bella doesn't have any, so—" she began, but I cut her off, snatching the condoms from her hand.

"I don't really want to know that my sister carries around condoms for—" I paused to glance down at them, "_extended pleasure and climax control_," I read the label out loud, my voice sarcastic and thick with agitation.

"It doesn't hurt to be cautious." She smirked at me deviously.

"Planning on screwing around on _Jazzy_, were you?" I asked flashing her a humorless grin.

She rolled her eyes. "Don't be an asshole, Edward. I bought them for you."

I raked my fingers through my hair in frustration, feeling my skin begin to crawl. "Jesus Christ, Alice. Do you think you could mind your own fucking business for once in your life?"

My sister was thinking about my_ climax control_?

"Are you going to take them or not?" she challenged, but otherwise ignored me.

"Keep them for _extended pleasure_ with Jazzy," I replied mockingly, before I closed my eyes, not believing I'd just blurted that out.

She huffed. "_Fine,_ Edward. I'll just give them to Bella." She turned to leave, glancing over her shoulder and winking slyly.

"Alice!" I warned her, but she had already left the room.

_Evil fucking rat!_

I waited in the bedroom for at least five minutes to make absolutely sure that my ears had returned to their normal freaking skin tone. When I walked into the living room, Bella, Rach and Alice were waiting for me. My eyes deliberately sought out Bella's; she smiled at me warmly. I kept my gaze safely averted from Alice, though I still knew, with a good degree of confidence that the rat was smirking at me like a fucking know it all.

"Edward, give Nummi your jumpers and shit. She's keeping all the night stuff together," Rach said to me, motioning to the front driveway where Nummi and John were stacking his 4X4.

I nodded then made my way out to relieve Nummi and help John pack his truck. I ended up riding with him to Kel's parent's house, but I preferred it that way. I was still freaking edgy and high strung over my pain in the ass sister, and Bella knew instantly something was up with me.

**...**

Half the town seemed to have turned out for Kel's barbecue. Her parent's property was large like Nummi's, and was almost crowded with people.

As John and I made our way toward the patio, where Kel's parents were, we ran into Chris, who then decided to introduce me to everyone who had even a faint connection with Bella. Most of them were her classmates from high school. They all referred to me as _Edwud_, while one prick had the nerve to ask me if Bella was as easy as her mother.

John pulled me swiftly away, just as I took a step closer to the asshole, and hastily shoved a can of beer in my hand. I almost crushed the fucking thing in my grip.

"Take no notice, mate. He's a wanker."

"I guess every country has its weasel, Newton," I muttered to myself, taking a gulp of beer and grimacing.

Saying a quick_ see you later_ to Chris, I made my way over to the girls, placing the beer on a table as I went.

Bella and Alice were chatting with a group that all stopped and stared as I approached. One thing was sure; I could now empathize with all the gawking Bella had to put up with when she first started at Forks High.

She introduced me to them all then seemed to eagerly oblige when I attempted to pull her away.

"Those girls never wanted anything to do with me at school," she confessed after a moment, rolling her eyes good-naturedly. "You and Alice have made me popular." She broke into a light chuckle.

I just grinned at her, shaking my head lightly to myself before I pulled her into my arms.

She grabbed my hand that was slung over her shoulder, and led me to one of the outdoor dining tables. John and Chris soon joined us, bringing more "Tooheys" for me to drink with them.

Because Bella knew me—too well by this point—she kept them distracted so I wouldn't have to drink too much of the stuff.

"Do you know in the U.S. the legal age to drink is twenty-one?" she asked them on round three.

They looked horrified.

I almost laughed, hiding it behind the can of beer, before taking a gulp and grimacing.

I somehow managed to only drink one can during the barbeque, but by the time we went down the back paddock for the bonfire a couple of hours later, it had already impacted me.

I was fucking exhausted.

It was only Kel's closest friends and family who were staying, Bella explained to me as I helped her grab our sleeping bags from John's truck. At least, they were what resembled sleeping bags. They were canvass mattresses with a zip cover that Bella informed me was a_ swag_.

We had one each, tucked under our arms as we made our way to sit in front of the now blazing fire. Joining them together, Bella rolled them out, before turning to smile at me warmly, she grabbed my hand and pulled me down with her.

"What's in these things?" I asked as I positioned myself behind her on the padded swags, pulling her against my chest.

"A couple of blankets, probably. They're comfy," she answered, draping her hands over my propped knees.

I bent forward and leaned my face into the crook of her neck, kissing her skin tenderly, before pressing my lips just under her ear, inhaling her and sighing as I exhaled.

Fuck, she always smelled so freaking enticing.

She took a breath, humming it softly to herself before relaxing against me. I leaned back on my arms to support us, and we sat for a moment watching the fire and getting warmed by it.

I was a little_ too _warm and the fire made my eyes start to feel really freaking heavy. Added with Bella's weight against me, my arm began to strain.

Groaning softly, I sat us back upright. Bella pulled both my arms around her and I let my face drop into her neck and shoulder again, caressing her soft skin with my nose as I breathed her in.

"Do you guys want a drink?"

I snapped my head up to see Chris standing before us looking slightly uncomfortable. He held out two cans of coke towards us. "Er ... yeah," I answered, taking one from him.

Bella politely declined.

He moved away to Rach and Alice, who were sitting at least twenty feet away from us. Nummi and Mick were sitting on the other side of them; they were already inside their swag, chatting closely.

I turned my attention back to Bella, bent down and kissed the back of her neck, before I cracked open the coke and took a gulp. I needed the caffeine and the cool liquid helped combat my rapidly rising body temperature. I drank it all while Bella played idly with my free hand, running her palm along mine and entwining our fingers over and over.

"Edward?" she asked softly, breaking the silence, after I set the empty can aside, wrapped my arm back around her and pressed my lips into the curve of her neck again.

"Mmmm," I answered against the smoothness of her skin.

"Do you understand everything I say, now?"

I lifted my head up, feeling my brow crease in amusement. "Of course I understand you."

She turned her head to look at me. She was smiling faintly, unconvinced. "Well how come when I'm talking to you, your brow crunches up and you start doing that smile?"

"What smile?" I asked.

"The one you're doing right now."

I buried my face against her neck again, muffling my laughter against her skin before raising my head to answer her. "I do understand you, sweetie. I just think you're freaking adorable when you say it."

She met my gaze again. Her eyes rolled, and out came that shrewd grin. "Cheesy!" she teased me, before donging me on the knee playfully. "You can't call me that, by the way."

"Call you what?" I asked, raising my brow. "Sweetie?"

"Mmm-hmm," she answered, continuing to thread our fingers together before she wrapped my arms tightly around her.

"Why not? You _are_ sweet."

"But it makes me sound like I'm a cream puff."

Again, I broke into laughter. "You're that too," I murmured into her ear.

She sighed audibly then nudged me with her elbow. "You are such a sap." Her tone had turned soft.

"Well what am I allowed to call you then?"

"Hmmm..." she mused.

"Beautiful?" I suggested, moving on from her neck to kiss the side of her face; inhaling her deeply.

Fuck she smelled so good; I couldn't tear my freaking face from her!

"Seriously? That makes me sound up myself."

I laughed again, softly against her cheek, feeling my breath wash back against my face. "I'd be the one saying it, not you. Besides, you _are _beautiful!"

She only sighed.

I leaned my chin on the top of her head, groaning with feigned frustration while I contemplated it.

"Honey?"

"Too ... Jazz!" Was Bella's conclusion.

I sighed. "Baby?"

She paused, seemingly in thought. "Am I your baby?"

"Among other things," I answered before I went back to nuzzling her neck.

She tilted her head and I wasn't sure if she was accommodating me or contemplating it.

"Okay, I can tolerate it." She shrugged simply and relaxed a fraction against me.

"I'm going to call you all those other things too, baby," I murmured, while the tip of my nose trailed her cheekbone. I pulled her tighter against me, and slid my left hand under the two layers of her clothes to feel her warm skin beneath my fingers.

"Mmmm." She sighed closing her eyes.

The fire was beginning to burn my eyes, and was just about knocking me out. This was despite the adrenalin that my climbing erection was beginning to push through my system. I dropped my lips against her shoulder, swaying slightly from the combination of exhaustion and freaking heat stroke.

I think I fell asleep like that for a few minutes.

"Edward, you're awfully hot. You wanna move back a bit from the fire?" Bella asked me gently. Her voice sounded echoed and faraway

My eyes flew open. I lifted my head, blinking in confusion.

Bella climbed to her feet, then reached down, grabbed my hand and pulled me to mine. We moved our swags about ten feet back and the cool air immediately snapped some coherency into me. I rubbed the heavy, smoky feeling from my eyes and when I adjusted them again, they focused on Bella. She was gazing up at me with her expression creasing with concern.

"Edward, oh my God, you look so buggered!" She sighed.

Kicking her shoes off, she turned towards one of the swags, dropped to her knees and unzipped it. There were two blankets folded neatly inside. With the first, she spread it over the canvass mattress before turning back to me. "Come on," she said softly, holding out her hand.

I scuffled out of my shoes and crawled in beside her. She wrapped the second blanket over us before she stretched out to zip us in as I pulled her back into my arms. She laid her head on my chest and sighed deeply. I could hear the whoosh of the air leaving her lungs, vibrating against me.

She sounded despondent.

"What?" I asked her gently, with a croaky voice; further proof that I'd fallen asleep against her like a pussy.

"Nothing ... I'm okay," she mumbled. She reached over and took a fistful of my shirt.

She always grabbed hold of me this way; it was almost like she feared I was going to disappear.

I rolled us to the side, engulfed suddenly by an influx of emotion and pressed my lips against hers deeply before I pulled back to kiss her cheek, then her forehead. "I'm always going to be here, Bella, okay?"

She sighed again, coupled with a warm smile and kissed me briefly back on the lips. "Have a sleep, and then I'll let you get all soppy with me," she paused, dropping her voice coyly, "and some other stuff too."

Fuck, there was no chance I was going to sleep now!

But I did. I held out as long as I could, but it was hard to avoid as tired as I was. Not to mention the fact that Bella deliberately lulled me by running her fingers through my hair and over my forehead.

I wasn't sure how long I was asleep for, but when I woke it was quiet—aside from the crackling of the fire. The bonfire was dimming and Bella was laying limp and heavy on top of me, breathing evenly. Her hand was resting on my chest with a fistful of my shirt still in her hand.

And I was sweating like a freaking pig.

Tentatively, I shifted us to the side so that Bella was laying in the crook of my arm. But the minute she moved, she stirred, groaning softly.

"You sure you're not getting sick, Edward?" she mumbled, still half asleep before draping her arm over my waist and snuggling into me. "You're so _hot!_"

I smiled, exhaling it shortly and unzipped the swag flap-thing before I turned into a freaking puddle of water.

She woke completely this time. I wasn't sure whether it was my movement or the sudden cool air hitting her. The cold definitely snapped the coherency into her. She grabbed my arms and wrapped them around her, shivering against me. I pulled her to me tightly, before I grabbed the blanket to cover her.

One blanket loosely over us was okay. Being zipped up in this swag contraption, cocooned with Bella squashed against me was the problem.

"This is proof that I'm still not acclimatized to Forks," she grumbled against me.

"You're half way there. You're not dressed like you're in the arctic like Rach and Nummi," I replied, lightly.

She chuckled, went into a coughing fit, shivered then slid her cool hands under my shirt, before relaxing against me and sighing. The feel of her hands against my naked skin immediately caused a humming of static-like energy to engulf me. I was instantly hard.

"You're my very own walking, talking heater," she mumbled, laughing gently to herself.

I pressed my nose into her hair, feeling the grin widen on my face. "You may not want me around in summer."

"I'll always want you around, you dag," she replied, her tone turning gentle. She moved her arms from around me and used them to prop herself up on my chest. Her face was bathed in the warm glow from the dwindling fire, her eyes burning with it, making them seem almost endless. She just gazed down at me for a moment, before she broke into an amused, almost secretive smile. "You talk in your sleep."

I rolled my eyes and exhaled deliberately. "Noticed that did you? You're a light sleeper."

She curled her fist under her chin. "I am," she admitted. Her eyes glazed over for the briefest moment, her eye brows bunching with them, but she quickly shook it off and was soon smiling at me warmly again. "You're a deep sleeper and you're funny."

"Okay, put me out of my misery. What did I say?" I grinned at her wryly.

"You called Alice a little rat," she answered chuckling softly, "and you called me baby."

I sighed, teasing her. "It's what you wanted me to call you, and Alice _is_ a little rat."

She only laughed lightly before her eyes lowered, and when they reconnected with mine they were burning. "What am I gonna call you?"

"_Edwud," _I answered, mimicking her accent.

She threw me a feigned scowl, rolling her eyes good-naturedly.

I chuckled. "What do you want to call me?"

She paused in thought, her forehead puckering the longer she contemplated it. "Handsome..."

"Erm ... that will make me sound up myself," I replied, laughing as she whacked me in response.

"Spunk?" she proposed.

I moved one of my arms from around her and placed my hand behind my head. I tried to act cool and freaking collected, but I was grinning like a moron. "Mmm too ... Alice."

She threw me another feigned, teasing frown, her smile still lingering faintly on her lips. "You like mocking me, don't you."

"Yes," I replied grinning at her like a cocky prick as her smile edged cynically.

Sighing in exasperation, she propped her fist back under her chin and thought about it again. But, only a moment later, she huffed out her breath brashly. "I dunno ... just ... bloody kiss me, _Ed-word_."

Her smile was just creeping across her face, when I curled my hand around the back of her neck, tangling my fingers in her hair and dragged her down to meet my lips.

"Yes, _cream puff_," I half mumbled, half chuckled—when she elbowed me—against her soft pouty lips, before I merged them fully with mine.

Immediately she deepened it, parting her lips to take mine in a way that was both fucking seductive and way too tender. Her breath gushed from her nose and her limbs slackened against me. Then, without warning, she pulled back and stared at me, a slightly bemused expression puckering at her brow.

"Do you know what your sister gave me?" She looked like she was about to laugh, but for the slight disbelief and caution hedging into her tone.

"Erm..." I played dumb. I was well aware what my pain in the ass sister gave to her. But I gauged her reaction closely, holding back the internal groan until I was certain freaking Alice had not just set us back six months.

"Condoms," she answered. Her voice faintly trailed at the end, as though she was lost in sudden thought. But when she turned her eyes back to mine, they were alight, and her expression was ... raw.

I contemplated feigning ignorance, but decided against it. I wasn't a great bull-shitter and if she caught me out—she was tight with my freaking sister after all—it wouldn't be productive. Besides, we really did need to be open about stuff like this. I barely had any semblance of control when it came to her now. I had never wanted anything in my life like I wanted Bella's body. It was a physical force that had taken on a life of its own; I was becoming powerless to stop it.

"Yeah ... I know. She tried to give them to me."

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You didn't take them?"

This fucking stumped me, and it took me a moment to disconnect my brain from my dick and even longer to make sure my pansy ass voice wasn't going to hitch. "Should ... I have?"

"Um ... yeah." There was a faint grin on her face, as if she was thinking _well, duh._

It was easier to gauge her reaction because I was literally stumped again. I kept my mind firmly on her, on that element of uncertainty reflecting in her eyes, in a pitiful attempt to stonewall the freaking raging hard-on that was all but forcing me to focus on the meaning behind her words.

Had she just given us the go ahead?

I opened and closed my mouth several times trying to speak while grasping the enormity of her meaning. A small grin began forming on her lips, and the longer I faltered the broader it became until she was all but chuckling at me.

But despite this, and while I was having a freaking erection induced coronary, it almost escaped me that she had gone notably tense.

"Come here," I muttered, pulling her flush against me. Wrapping my arms around her, under her layers of clothes, I pressed my fingers into her warm—almost burning—skin.

She lifted her head to gaze directly into my eyes. In the light of the fire they were blazing. There was a yearning in them that I immediately recognized in me, along with that undeniable vulnerability.

Fuck. She was torn down the middle, exactly like I was.

She cleared her voice gently and idly began running her middle finger along my jaw. "I know last night was the first time we really..." she began, before she paused, glanced down and chewed on her lower lip as if searching for the right words. She placed her hands back on my chest.

"Yeah...?" I coaxed her, squeezing her gently.

She met my eyes again and smiled a little self-consciously. "I didn't really want to stop, Edward. I knew we had to ... but..." she broke away again and lightly shrugged, her smile almost turning into a smirk.

I nodded and let out my breath, trying to ignore my stiff as board dick that was becoming almost painful. "I know," I agreed, my voice thick and too freaking husky. "I just ... I wasn't sure how you felt, or..." I abandoned my train of thought, shaking my head slightly to myself.

Fuck, could I really just come out and ask if she was a virgin? Was I ready for the answer?

"We both got ... lost in the moment last night. So I figure it's dangerous if we don't ... take precautions." Her expression was serious before she quirked her brow questioningly.

I nodded again, trying in vain to get myself under control—at the bare minimum—before she noticed what a complete primitive bastard I was. But, I had no way of pulling myself together. With Bella all but telling me she wanted to have sex with me the night before, it was all over.

She just stared at me, an almost amused smile growing across her face the longer she did. "Edward, you look like you're becoming unhinged." Her voice was soft and teasing.

I couldn't think rationally when I was this stiff; it was fucking impossible. So of course, I had to go and utter the stupidest fucking words since telling Jacob I wanted to screw his cousin to get back at him. "Bella ... are you—I mean, have you...?" The heat from my dick immediately retracted and flooded to my ears—giving me some kind of relief, at least. I covered my face behind my hand and groaned out loud. "I'm sorry, baby."

"Edward, it's..." She sighed and grabbed my hand, pulling it gently from my face, forcing me to look at her. When I met her eyes, they were deep and serious, while a small smile was hinting at her lips. "Am I a virgin?" she asked softly. "Yes," she admitted in a whisper, nodding her head slightly.

I might have blinked and swallowed thickly, all I know for sure was that she didn't break her gaze from mine. She just stared deep into my eyes, down to my very soul before she bent down, her breath washing against my ear, and whispered, "And I want to give it to you."

My heart almost literally came to a screeching halt, catching my breath with it. Immediately I pulled myself up on one elbow, cupped my hand to her cheek and drew her to me impulsively, pressing my lips urgently against hers.

Curling her hands around the back of my neck, she allowed me to lie her back, while returning my kiss, deeply, her lips parting slowly as they completely surrendered and merged with mine.

I wasn't wholly aware of what I was doing. Somewhere in the far reaches of my rational mind, I knew she didn't mean she wanted to lose her virginity to me this instant. But I was completely steamrolled by sheer primitive desire. It had become heated very quickly, and I knew I was fast approaching the point of no return. This was despite laying only twenty or so feet away from a group of people—my sister being one of them.

It didn't help that she was completely accommodating and reactive to my every touch.

I pulled her closer to me, and attempted to drag the blanket over us—all without severing the contact of our lips that had totally fucking conquered me—when I quickly discovered that she'd placed herself directly beneath me, between my legs. I was leaning on one elbow; it was all that kept me from completely crushing into her, while my dick freaking throbbed in protest, demanding full contact with her. With my other hand, I struggled to slip it beneath her layers of clothes, engulfed by the heated fire of her mouth. Her lips continued to consume me, wearing down my restraint bit by painful bit; flooding me with her; her hot breath; her tongue—every single freaking particle of her.

The tempo of it went in waves. One minute we were kissing with a burning hot desire, holding nothing back, with a sense of urgency. And the next she slowed it down, closing her mouth slightly, the pressure of her lips between mine turning almost tender. I wasn't sure which part sent me further over the edge, but what I did know was that it was fucking killing me.

She was in total control, while I fought to keep mine in check.

I pulled my lips from hers to take a staggered breath, becoming fully aware of the aroused energy surging through my veins. Every inch of my skin was alight with her.

"Edward..." she sighed breathlessly, caressing her nose with mine.

"Bella ... baby," I all but groaned forcing back the animal in me, and knowing I had to hang on; I had to eventually stop this!

But I didn't, instead I crushed my lips back against hers.

Her hands ran through my hair, eagerly, returning to the back of my neck where she held me tightly to her. I grabbed her sweater in my fist, but it remained like that, frozen. I wanted to pull it up, fueled by the feel of her burning skin beneath the layers, but my brain was clouded and buzzing only with the feel of her lips and the torture of my confined dick.

The arm I was leaning on began quaking. I pulled my lips from hers again, and rested my nose gently against the soft, fleshy, blazing skin of her cheek as I struggled to take an even breath; struggled to hold on to the tenuous grip of any self-control I had left; struggled to keep some boundary in place that would prevent me from ripping her clothes off then and there.

Bella merely pressed her supple lips to my face, running her hands beneath my shirt and around to my back, where she gently coaxed me to relax my full weight on her. I was as hard as fucking granite and straining furiously within the confines of my jeans, and she'd just thrust me directly between her legs.

_Oh, fuck!_

I dropped my face into the crook of her neck and let out one seriously fucked up, shuddering breath. It came out as half a sigh, half a groan, with a one hundred percent, horny as hell undertone.

"Baby ... maybe ... we..." I struggled to pull up the air to speak while my heart thumped furiously in my chest, pumping more and more blood into my stiffer than cement dick.

"I know..." she whispered, just as her hot breath washed out over my face in a sigh that sounded almost identical to mine.

She slid her hands from around my back and rested them against my hips, before her fingers slipped delicately beneath the waist band of my jeans. Her touch made every hair on my body to stand on end, while a blaze of desire surged directly to my groin. My dick immediately reacted, jerking, almost bending in half behind my zipper.

I tried to smother back the groan but it ended up coming out as some restricted, fucked up strangled noise from my throat.

_Oh, what the fuck!_

I grabbed her, engulfing her back to me, connecting my mouth to hers and tasting the sweetness of her, feeling her immediately react and yield to me. My hands found their way under her sweater and as I ran them across her silky skin, any conflicting thoughts I had immediately faded away. She was consuming me all over again. All I knew was her. Her lips, her body beneath mine, and her hand as it gently and apprehensively inched further down my hip and into my jockeys.

I paused; my mouth instantly halting over hers briefly before I lost myself in the feel of her beneath my palms. As if sensing my reaction, she slowed the kiss down again, and pulled back slightly, only to melt back into me and deepen it a moment later.

I was so far freaking gone that, I didn't realize she'd put her whole hand inside my jocks. The button on my jeans popped opened as her fingers grazed my erection, making me almost jolt and burst into flames. I tore my lips from hers, when without warning, she grabbed my dick, wrapped it completely in the palm of her hand and squeezed.

My breath caught in the back of my throat, as a low, involuntary groan escaped me. I went stiff then shuddered, almost blowing my fucking load then and there.

She relaxed her grip.

"Bella..." I managed to speak. My voice was tight and strangled, while the majority of my brain consumption was used up by trying not to explode in her hand. I buried my face into her neck, taking deep breaths, desperately trying to distract myself.

Then she squeezed again.

I jerked reflexively, groaning again, louder this time, but muffled against her skin. "Oh, God, Bella—fuck!" Hastily, I grabbed her wrist, as her hand gripped my fucking dick like a vice, and held it still. I was too afraid to pull it off in case the friction would be the end of me. So I just held my hand over hers, kept my face immersed in the delicate skin of her neck and forcefully dragged fucked up images of Jazz and Alice making out to my mind.

"I-I'm sorry, Edward," she blurted apologetically, suddenly sounding uncertain. She released me and quickly pulled her hand out from underneath the waist of my jeans.

The sound of regret and insecurity in her voice was enough to deflate me to the point that I could manage some self-control. I raised my head from the warmth of her neck and caught her gaze. From the small amount of light that the dimming fire created, I could see insecurity burning deeply in them_._

"Hey," I began softly.

She smiled. It was affectionate, but it matched her eyes in doubt.

I kissed her gently but briefly, sighing before I pressed my lips to her ruddy cheek. "Don't ever be sorry for that, Bella," I whispered resolutely, before I kissed her again, closer to her ear. I let my lips linger against her skin, having to physically restrain myself and pull back.

It wasn't fucking easy.

I pulled both of us up, wrapped the blanket around her, before pulling her, with her back facing me, against my chest. I dropped my lips to the top of her head and left them there for a moment, collecting the last of my self-control. "You're right, baby, I should have taken them."

She chuckled gently, then drew my arms tighter around her chest and released her breath into a long drawn out sigh. "So I don't do that to you again, Edward, we should ... plan something."

"What do you have in mind?" I asked with a slightly restricted voice, feeling my boner come back to life.

"I'm ready, you're ready ... yeah?" she paused sounding uncertain.

Fuck, she was gorgeous.

I cuddled her closer to me, nuzzling my nose and lips into the side of her neck once more. "I'm ready."

"Then, we should leave it to fate. Whenever we're alone and the time is right, okay?" She tensed in my arms, before huffing the air from her lungs as if dismissing it.

"Okay," I agreed softly, while praying that fated day would be as soon as fucking possible.

I rested my lips on her shoulder as my mind began quickly calculating the possibilities.

The next day was our last day in Australia. If it wasn't then, we'd have to wait another two days until we got back to Forks...

I sighed to myself and it wasn't until Bella reacted to it that I realized it was out loud.

"You okay?" she asked me, her voice barely a whisper and very evidently full of doubt.

"I'm fine," I reassured her, squeezing her again gently.

She took my hand in hers, and with what seemed usual for her, she began playing with my fingers. I snuggled my face into the crook of her shoulder and neck, rising up and down with the motion of her breathing. Together with that irresistible smell of her, I found myself torn. She was calming, but not enough to soothe the flow of tingling energy as my mind continued to plan ahead and seal our fate.

After a while, and only by chance, as I came up for air from my perverted scheming, I noticed a small smirk pulling at the corners of her mouth.

"Edward?" she asked softly as it grew wider?

"Mmm-hmm?" I mumbled, closing my eyes just as a completely fucked up image of me and Bella having sex in front of a thousand sheep, in some dry patch of grass at the back of Nummi's property, unfolded in my mind.

"You really do have a big pen."

**A/N: Of course he does. It just wouldn't be Kosher if he didn't peeps, I mean, come on...**

**A/N: Must remove all lyrics at beginning of the chapters lest I am in violation of FFn's TOS. Psssht**

**CHAPTER 37**

**The Bonfire**

**Edward's POV**

Taking two giant steps, I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and drew her to me. She was still trembling and slightly pale, but she was still here.

"You were awesome," I murmured into her ear.

Her eyes rose to meet mine, her smile tugging broader as the color returned to her cheeks. She bowed her head, her expression falling, becoming somber. "I'm done, and I promised Kel that I'd put Renee behind me." Her voice was soft, yet resolute.

I squeezed her gently.

She pulled from my arms, but grabbed my hand and turned toward Alice. "I'm sorry you guys had to see ... that." Her brow puckered and her eyes returned to the ground.

"Bella, you have nothing to be sorry about!" Alice replied seriously, slinging her arm over her shoulder affectionately.

Bella lifted her head, her smile turning self-conscious. She bit down on her lower lip as her eyes again lowered to the ground.

"And you handled yourself with dignity," Alice continued. "I would have seriously..." she left the sentence unspoken, her face clouding darkly.

"I know what you would have done, Alice!" Bella replied, almost chuckling, but not meeting her gaze.

Alice turned to me with concern working into her expression. I was beginning to feel edgy. It was obvious Bella was slipping, and I was unsure how to react to her.

I released my breath, heavily, catching Bella's attention. She looked up at me and flashed me a warm, reassuring smile, mouthing _I'm okay_.

She was reassuring _me_.

Fuck, I loved her!

Feeling suddenly overwhelmed, I pulled her against me. She didn't resist; instead she rested her head against my chest, took a deep breath and seemed to relax.

Leaning up against a tree, with Bella leaning against me chatting with Alice, we waited for Nummi and Rach to return. I kept a protective hand around Bella, not wanting to smother her, while keeping a close eye out for her evil fucking mother. There was no sign of her, and Bella didn't seem too fazed by the possibility of her coming back. She was slightly tense, and a little quieter than usual, but otherwise she seemed like she was handling it fine.

Still, I kept expecting a delayed reaction from her; for the realization of it to suddenly hit her; for her to freeze up and close herself off again.

But she didn't.

As the minutes passed by, she relaxed even further into me and begun playing with my fingers on my hand around her. I was beginning to think she felt safe with me—that she trusted me. A fact that wasn't lost on Rach or Nummi either. When they met up with us at the park, their immediate concern was for Bella. But, when they realized she was fine, their eyes quickly turned to me, their expressions almost confused.

It wasn't until Rach's expression turned canny, that I began to suspect her meaning; a meaning that Nummi verbalized as I was climbing in the car.

"Whatever you did to her, Edward, I'd keep doing it," she said lowly to me, so Bella wouldn't hear, flashing me a sly grin.

Bella fell quiet on the ride back to Nummi's. Sitting beside me in the backseat, she gazed out the window looking lost in her thoughts. I knew she had to be feeling inundated by what had happened, but she was holding strong. She had her hand draped over my leg as her fingers trailed absently along my knee. Tentatively, I reached out and pulled her in my arms. Again, she didn't object, but willingly relaxed against me with a small sigh.

Carol hurried outside when we pulled up in front of the house, embracing Bella the minute she stepped out of the car. "You okay, sweetheart?" she asked anxiously, bringing her hands to cup Bella's face.

Bella nodded. Her face still looked paler than usual, but otherwise there still wasn't any evidence that she was about to lose it again.

"She's okay, Edward," Rach said reassuringly from beside me.

I looked down at her; she was smiling up at me warmly that was almost a shrewd grin. I nodded and smiled back simultaneously, rubbing my chin to break eye contact. Rach was pretty astute, and I wasn't sure whether I was being paranoid, but I was certain there was something behind her eyes that hinted that she was well aware of what Bella and I had almost done on Nummi's little brother's bed the night before.

The girls went to shower and get ready for the barbecue, while I hung with Nummi, who, like me, had already showered that morning. We were chatting casually when her eyebrows suddenly drew close together, as if with sudden realization.

"Oh my God," she whispered, shaking her head to herself, an awed expression replacing her surprise.

"What...?" I asked her, curious.

"Do you remember the picture of Bella and her teddy bear?"

Remember? There wasn't a chance I'd ever forget. The beautiful little girl, whose face was lit up into a bright smile, with the most haunting fucking eyes imaginable.

"Yeah, I remember," I replied quietly.

"His name was Edward—I can't believe I didn't remember that straight away." She scoffed.

My head snapped to meet her gaze in surprise. I just stared at her for a moment, blinking blankly before I felt an impulsive grin break across my face. "Is that what she named him?"

Nummi shook her head and glanced down, biting on her thumbnail and looking suddenly troubled. "No, that was his name. He was one of those each-one-is-an-original bears that came with a birth certificate. He was the only toy Bella owned—shit, she loved him like nothing else. Her father bought him for her for Christmas one year."

I suddenly felt nervous. "What happened to her bear, Nummi?"

She raised her head and met my eyes; her expression was suddenly pissed off. "Renee threw him in the fireplace and made Bella watch him burn."

I just stared at her for a moment, fucking flabbergasted before a wave of burning anger began to flow through me. I leaned my head into my hand slowly and rubbed my brow with my fingers in a controlled attempt to rein it in. "What kind of _fucked up mother_ would do that to her kid?!" I suddenly demanded.

She shook her head in agreement before her eyes shot nervously down the hall—where the bedrooms were—as if making sure no one had overheard. "Edward, don't tell Bella I told you about this," she pleaded with me.

"I won't mention it, Nummi. I promise," I reassured her, but my mind was still focused on the image of five year old Bella, cuddling her bear.

It fucking crippled me.

I dragged my hand stiffly through my hair, feeling another buildup of anger course through my veins.

"She never mentioned him again. That's the way Bella deals with things; she pretends it never happened," Nummi murmured.

When I glanced over and met her eyes, she was gazing at me intently; scrutinizing me, with concern puckering her brow. "You can't let it get to you, Edward. Bella hates when anyone pities her."

I nodded, resigned. "Okay." I sighed, when another thought occurred to me. One that brought my anger immediately back to the surface. "Hang on—are you telling methat her father only bought her one Christmas present her _whole life_?"

"Her mother used to intercept them," she explained quietly.

I only shook my head, rolling my eyes—pissed off!

"Edward," Nummi spoke sternly this time, reminding me of Alice suddenly. "She's gonna know something's up the minute she sees your expression."

The second I saw Bella I almost gave it away. If she hadn't just had a confrontation with her mother, I think she would have caught on by my reaction immediately.

I was walking to the kid's room to get a sweater and jacket for the night, when she came around the corner. She flashed me that freaking smile of hers and I grabbed her immediately and engulfed her impulsively in my arms.

"Um ... Edward? Are you okay?" She wrapped her arms tightly around my waist and squeezed me gently.

I think I scoffed to myself in awe and with too much emotion.

She was fucking adorable.

"I'm okay, sweetheart." My voice was compromised by her—by the smell and feel of her hair against my face. I cleared it quickly.

She pulled back, her expression quirked in concern as she evaluated me. "Edward ... you're doing that face again."

How was it that she could read me so clearly?

"Am I? I'll try and stop."

She sighed deeply, her shoulders slumping a little with it. "Edward, I'm okay. I know I ... hurt you last time." Her eyes flickered away from mine, filling with guilt.

_Jesus._

"If you say sorry, Bella, I'm gonna go postal on you," I teased her, feigning aggravation, and chuckling softly when her brow immediately creased in confusion.

"You're gonna go _what _on me?"

"You're adorable," I said gently, pulling her tighter against my chest.

Untangling herself from my arms gingerly, she rolled her eyes, flashed me that freaking smile again—that was gonna be the end of me very soon—then left me to it as she headed towards the living room.

I quickly grabbed a hoodie and my jacket, rolled them into a ball in my arms, and was heading back out when Alice popped her head around the door.

"Hey, can we talk for a minute?" She walked in without waiting for my answer; in typical Alice fashion.

"About...?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

She shook her head brashly and kind of shrugged to herself. "Look there's no easy way of doing this. So just—here." And with that she shoved a box of ... condoms in my hands.

"Alice!" I exclaimed, shoving them back at her. "What the hell?!"

"Just in case, Edward. Okay?" She went to hand them back to me, but instead of taking them, I folded my arms across my chest.

"You don't think I've got this, Alice—_Jesus_!" I could feel the heat rapidly building just beneath my skin. It was about to flash in my face and give the little rat an edge over me. Only, I couldn't decide if I was more pissed off that my sister felt she needed to have a freaking sex talk with me, or because she knew more than she should about Bella and me.

"I know Bella doesn't have any, so—" she began, but I cut her off, snatching the condoms from her hand.

"I don't really want to know that my sister carries around condoms for—" I paused to glance down at them, "_extended pleasure and climax control_," I read the label out loud, my voice sarcastic and thick with agitation.

"It doesn't hurt to be cautious." She smirked at me deviously.

"Planning on screwing around on _Jazzy_, were you?" I asked flashing her a humorless grin.

She rolled her eyes. "Don't be an asshole, Edward. I bought them for you."

I raked my fingers through my hair in frustration, feeling my skin begin to crawl. "Jesus Christ, Alice. Do you think you could mind your own fucking business for once in your life?"

My sister was thinking about my_ climax control_?

"Are you going to take them or not?" she challenged, but otherwise ignored me.

"Keep them for _extended pleasure_ with Jazzy," I replied mockingly, before I closed my eyes, not believing I'd just blurted that out.

She huffed. "_Fine,_ Edward. I'll just give them to Bella." She turned to leave, glancing over her shoulder and winking slyly.

"Alice!" I warned her, but she had already left the room.

_Evil fucking rat!_

I waited in the bedroom for at least five minutes to make absolutely sure that my ears had returned to their normal freaking skin tone. When I walked into the living room, Bella, Rach and Alice were waiting for me. My eyes deliberately sought out Bella's; she smiled at me warmly. I kept my gaze safely averted from Alice, though I still knew, with a good degree of confidence that the rat was smirking at me like a fucking know it all.

"Edward, give Nummi your jumpers and shit. She's keeping all the night stuff together," Rach said to me, motioning to the front driveway where Nummi and John were stacking his 4X4.

I nodded then made my way out to relieve Nummi and help John pack his truck. I ended up riding with him to Kel's parent's house, but I preferred it that way. I was still freaking edgy and high strung over my pain in the ass sister, and Bella knew instantly something was up with me.

**...**

Half the town seemed to have turned out for Kel's barbecue. Her parent's property was large like Nummi's, and was almost crowded with people.

As John and I made our way toward the patio, where Kel's parents were, we ran into Chris, who then decided to introduce me to everyone who had even a faint connection with Bella. Most of them were her classmates from high school. They all referred to me as _Edwud_, while one prick had the nerve to ask me if Bella was as easy as her mother.

John pulled me swiftly away, just as I took a step closer to the asshole, and hastily shoved a can of beer in my hand. I almost crushed the fucking thing in my grip.

"Take no notice, mate. He's a wanker."

"I guess every country has its weasel, Newton," I muttered to myself, taking a gulp of beer and grimacing.

Saying a quick_ see you later_ to Chris, I made my way over to the girls, placing the beer on a table as I went.

Bella and Alice were chatting with a group that all stopped and stared as I approached. One thing was sure; I could now empathize with all the gawking Bella had to put up with when she first started at Forks High.

She introduced me to them all then seemed to eagerly oblige when I attempted to pull her away.

"Those girls never wanted anything to do with me at school," she confessed after a moment, rolling her eyes good-naturedly. "You and Alice have made me popular." She broke into a light chuckle.

I just grinned at her, shaking my head lightly to myself before I pulled her into my arms.

She grabbed my hand that was slung over her shoulder, and led me to one of the outdoor dining tables. John and Chris soon joined us, bringing more "Tooheys" for me to drink with them.

Bella kept them distracted so I wouldn't have to drink too much of the stuff.

"Do you know in the U.S. the legal age to drink is twenty-one?" she asked them on round three.

They looked horrified.

I almost laughed, hiding it behind the can of beer, before taking a gulp and grimacing.

I somehow managed to only drink one can during the barbeque, but by the time we went down the back paddock for the bonfire a couple of hours later, it had already impacted me.

I was fucking exhausted.

It was only Kel's closest friends and family that were staying, Bella explained to me as I helped her grab our sleeping bags from John's truck. At least, they were what resembled sleeping bags. They were canvass mattresses with a zip cover that Bella informed me was a_ swag_.

We had one each, tucked under our arms as we made our way to sit in front of the now blazing fire. Joining them together, Bella rolled them out, before turning to smile at me warmly, she grabbed my hand and pulled me down with her.

"What's in these things?" I asked as I positioned myself behind her on the padded swags, pulling her against my chest.

"A couple of blankets, probably. They're comfy," she answered, draping her hands over my propped knees.

I bent forward and leaned my face into the crook of her neck, kissing her skin tenderly, before pressing my lips just under her ear, inhaling her and sighing as I exhaled.

Fuck, she always smelled so freaking enticing.

She took a breath, humming it softly to herself before relaxing against me. I leaned back on my arms to support us, and we sat for a moment watching the fire and getting warmed by it.

I was a little_ too _warm and the fire made my eyes start to feel really freaking heavy. Added with Bella's weight against me, my arm began to strain.

Groaning softly, I sat us back upright. Bella pulled both my arms around her and I let my face drop into her neck and shoulder again, caressing her soft skin with my nose as I breathed her in.

"Do you guys want a drink?"

I snapped my head up to see Chris standing before us looking slightly uncomfortable. He held out two cans of coke towards us. "Er ... yeah," I answered, taking one from him.

Bella politely declined.

He moved away to Rach and Alice, who were sitting at least twenty feet away from us. Nummi and Mick were sitting on the other side of them; they were already inside their swag, chatting closely.

I turned my attention back to Bella, bent down and kissed the back of her neck, before I cracked open the coke and took a gulp. I needed the caffeine and the cool liquid helped combat my rapidly rising body temperature. I drank it all while Bella played idly with my free hand, running her palm along mine and entwining our fingers over and over.

"Edward?" she asked softly, breaking the silence, after I set the empty can aside, wrapped my arm back around her and pressed my lips into the curve of her neck again.

"Mmmm," I answered against the smoothness of her skin.

"Do you understand everything I say, now?"

I lifted my head up, feeling my brow crease in amusement. "Of course I understand you."

She turned her head to look at me. She was smiling faintly, unconvinced. "Well how come when I'm talking to you, your brow crunches up and you start doing that smile?"

"What smile?" I asked.

"The one you're doing right now."

I buried my face against her neck again, muffling my laughter against her skin before raising my head to answer her. "I do understand you, sweetie. I just think you're freaking adorable when you say it."

She met my gaze again. Her eyes rolled, and out came that shrewd grin. "Cheesy!" she teased me, before donging me on the knee playfully. "You can't call me that, by the way."

"Call you what?" I asked, raising my brow. "Sweetie?"

"Mmm-hmm," she answered, continuing to thread our fingers together before she wrapped my arms tightly around her.

"Why not? You _are_ sweet."

"But it makes me sound like I'm a cream puff."

Again, I broke into laughter. "You're that too," I murmured into her ear.

She sighed audibly then nudged me with her elbow. "You are such a sap." Her tone had turned soft.

"Well what am I allowed to call you then?"

"Hmmm..." she mused.

"Beautiful?" I suggested, moving on from her neck to kiss the side of her face; inhaling her deeply.

Fuck she smelled so good; I couldn't tear my freaking face from her!

"Seriously? That makes me sound up myself."

I laughed again, softly against her cheek, feeling my breath wash back against my face. "I'd be the one saying it, not you. Besides, you _are _beautiful!"

She only sighed.

I leaned my chin on the top of her head, groaning with feigned frustration while I contemplated it.

"Honey?"

"Too ... Jazz!" Was Bella's conclusion.

I sighed. "Baby?"

She paused, seemingly in thought. "Am I your baby?"

"Among other things," I answered before I went back to nuzzling her neck.

She tilted her head and I wasn't sure if she was accommodating me or contemplating it.

"Okay, I can tolerate it." She shrugged simply and relaxed a fraction against me.

"I'm going to call you all those other things too, baby," I murmured, while the tip of my nose trailed her cheekbone. I pulled her tighter against me, and slid my left hand under the two layers of her clothes to feel her warm skin beneath my fingers.

"Mmmm." She sighed closing her eyes.

The fire was beginning to burn my eyes, and was just about knocking me out. This was despite the adrenalin that my climbing erection was beginning to push through my system. I dropped my lips against her shoulder, swaying slightly from the combination of exhaustion and freaking heat stroke.

I think I fell asleep like that for a few minutes.

"Edward, you're awfully hot. You wanna move back a bit from the fire?" Bella asked me gently. Her voice sounded echoed and faraway

My eyes flew open. I lifted my head, blinking in confusion.

Bella climbed to her feet, then reached down, grabbed my hand and pulled me to mine. We moved our swags about ten feet back and the cool air immediately snapped some coherency into me. I rubbed the heavy, smoky feeling from my eyes and when I adjusted them again, they focused on Bella. She was gazing up at me with her expression creasing with concern.

"Edward, oh my God, you look so buggered!" She sighed.

Kicking her shoes off, she turned towards one of the swags, dropped to her knees and unzipped it. There were two blankets folded neatly inside. With the first, she spread it over the canvass mattress before turning back to me. "Come on," she said softly, holding out her hand.

I scuffled out of my shoes and crawled in beside her. She wrapped the second blanket over us before she stretched out to zip us in as I pulled her back into my arms. She laid her head on my chest and sighed deeply. I could hear the whoosh of the air leaving her lungs, vibrating against me.

She sounded despondent.

"What?" I asked her gently, with a croaky voice; further proof that I'd fallen asleep against her like a pussy.

"Nothing ... I'm okay," she mumbled. She reached over and took a fistful of my shirt.

She always grabbed hold of me this way; it was almost like she feared I was going to disappear.

I rolled us to the side, engulfed suddenly by an influx of emotion and pressed my lips against hers deeply before I pulled back to kiss her cheek, then her forehead. "I'm always going to be here, Bella, okay?"

She sighed again, coupled with a warm smile and kissed me briefly back on the lips. "Have a sleep, and then I'll let you get all soppy with me," she paused, dropping her voice coyly, "and some other stuff too."

Fuck, there was no chance I was going to sleep now!

But I did. I held out as long as I could, but it was hard to avoid as tired as I was. Not to mention the fact that Bella deliberately lulled me by running her fingers through my hair and over my forehead.

I wasn't sure how long I was asleep for, but when I woke it was quiet—aside from the crackling of the fire. The bonfire was dimming and Bella was laying limp and heavy on top of me, breathing evenly. Her hand was resting on my chest with a fistful of my shirt still in her hand.

And I was sweating like a freaking pig.

Tentatively, I shifted us to the side so that Bella was laying in the crook of my arm. But the minute she moved, she stirred, groaning softly.

"You sure you're not getting sick, Edward?" she mumbled, still half asleep before draping her arm over my waist and snuggling into me. "You're so _hot!_"

I smiled, exhaling it shortly and unzipped the swag flap-thing before I turned into a freaking puddle of water.

She woke completely this time. I wasn't sure whether it was my movement or the sudden cool air hitting her. The cold definitely snapped the coherency into her. She grabbed my arms and wrapped them around her, shivering against me. I pulled her to me tightly, before I grabbed the blanket to cover her.

One blanket loosely over us was okay. Being zipped up in this swag contraption, cocooned with Bella squashed against me was the problem.

"This is proof that I'm still not acclimatized to Forks," she grumbled against me.

"You're half way there. You're not dressed like you're in the arctic like Rach and Nummi," I replied, lightly.

She chuckled, went into a coughing fit, shivered then slid her cool hands under my shirt, before relaxing against me and sighing. The feel of her hands against my naked skin immediately caused a humming of static-like energy to engulf me. I was instantly hard.

"You're my very own walking, talking heater," she mumbled, laughing gently to herself.

I pressed my nose into her hair, feeling the grin widen on my face. "You may not want me around in summer."

"I'll always want you around, you dag," she replied, her tone turning gentle. She moved her arms from around me and used them to prop herself up on my chest. Her face was bathed in the warm glow from the dwindling fire, her eyes burning with it, making them seem almost endless. She just gazed down at me for a moment, before she broke into an amused, almost secretive smile. "You talk in your sleep."

I rolled my eyes and exhaled deliberately. "Noticed that did you? You're a light sleeper."

She curled her fist under her chin. "I am," she admitted. Her eyes glazed over for the briefest moment, her eye brows bunching with them, but she quickly shook it off and was soon smiling at me warmly again. "You're a deep sleeper and you're funny."

"Okay, put me out of my misery. What did I say?" I grinned at her wryly.

"You called Alice a little rat," she answered chuckling softly, "and you called me baby."

I sighed, teasing her. "It's what you wanted me to call you, and Alice _is_ a little rat."

She only laughed lightly before her eyes lowered, and when they reconnected with mine they were burning. "What am I gonna call you?"

"_Edwud," _I answered, mimicking her accent.

She threw me a feigned scowl, rolling her eyes good-naturedly.

I chuckled. "What do you want to call me?"

She paused in thought, her forehead puckering the longer she contemplated it. "Handsome..."

"Erm ... that will make me sound up myself," I replied, laughing as she whacked me in response.

"Spunk?" she proposed.

I moved one of my arms from around her and placed my hand behind my head. I tried to act cool and freaking collected, but I was grinning like a moron. "Mmm too ... Alice."

She threw me another feigned, teasing frown, her smile still lingering faintly on her lips. "You like mocking me, don't you."

"Yes," I replied grinning at her like a cocky prick as her smile edged cynically.

Sighing in exasperation, she propped her fist back under her chin and thought about it again. But, only a moment later, she huffed out her breath brashly. "I dunno ... just ... bloody kiss me, _Ed-word_."

Her smile was just creeping across her face, when I curled my hand around the back of her neck, tangling my fingers in her hair and dragged her down to meet my lips.

"Yes, _cream puff_," I half mumbled, half chuckled—when she elbowed me—against her soft pouty lips, before I merged them fully with mine.

Immediately she deepened it, parting her lips to take mine in a way that was both fucking seductive and way too tender. Her breath gushed from her nose and her limbs slackened against me. Then, without warning, she pulled back and stared at me, a slightly bemused expression puckering at her brow.

"Do you know what your sister gave me?" She looked like she was about to laugh, but for the slight disbelief and caution hedging into her tone.

"Erm..." I played dumb. I was well aware what my pain in the ass sister gave to her. But I gauged her reaction closely, holding back the internal groan until I was certain freaking Alice had not just set us back six months.

"Condoms," she answered. Her voice faintly trailed at the end, as though she was lost in sudden thought. But when she turned her eyes back to mine, they were alight, and her expression was ... raw.

I contemplated feigning ignorance, but decided against it. I wasn't a great bull-shitter and if she caught me out—she was tight with my freaking sister after all—it wouldn't be productive. Besides, we really did need to be open about stuff like this. I barely had any semblance of control when it came to her now. I had never wanted anything in my life like I wanted Bella's body. It was a physical force that had taken on a life of its own; I was becoming powerless to stop it.

"Yeah ... I know. She tried to give them to me."

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You didn't take them?"

This fucking stumped me, and it took me a moment to disconnect my brain from my dick and even longer to make sure my pansy ass voice wasn't going to hitch. "Should ... I have?"

"Um ... yeah." There was a faint grin on her face, as if she was thinking _well, duh._

It was easier to gauge her reaction because I was literally stumped again. I kept my mind firmly on her, on that element of uncertainty reflecting in her eyes, in a pitiful attempt to stonewall the freaking raging hard-on that was all but forcing me to focus on the meaning behind her words.

Had she just given us the go ahead?

I opened and closed my mouth several times trying to speak while grasping the enormity of her meaning. A small grin began forming on her lips, and the longer I faltered the broader it became until she was all but chuckling at me.

But despite this, and while I was having a freaking erection induced coronary, it almost escaped me that she had gone notably tense.

"Come here," I muttered, pulling her flush against me. Wrapping my arms around her, under her layers of clothes, I pressed my fingers into her warm—almost burning—skin.

She lifted her head to gaze directly into my eyes. In the light of the fire they were blazing. There was a yearning in them that I immediately recognized in me, along with that undeniable vulnerability.

Fuck. She was torn down the middle, exactly like I was.

She cleared her voice gently and idly began running her middle finger along my jaw. "I know last night was the first time we really..." she began, before she paused, glanced down and chewed on her lower lip as if searching for the right words. She placed her hands back on my chest.

"Yeah...?" I coaxed her, squeezing her gently.

She met my eyes again and smiled a little self-consciously. "I didn't really want to stop, Edward. I knew we had to ... but..." she broke away again and lightly shrugged, her smile almost turning into a smirk.

I nodded and let out my breath, trying to ignore my stiff as board dick that was becoming almost painful. "I know," I agreed, my voice thick and too freaking husky. "I just ... I wasn't sure how you felt, or..." I abandoned my train of thought, shaking my head slightly to myself.

Fuck, could I really just come out and ask if she was a virgin? Was I ready for the answer?

"We both got ... lost in the moment last night. So I figure it's dangerous if we don't ... take precautions." Her expression was serious before she quirked her brow questioningly.

I nodded again, trying in vain to get myself under control—at the bare minimum—before she noticed what a complete primitive bastard I was. But, I had no way of pulling myself together. With Bella all but telling me she wanted to have sex with me the night before, it was all over.

She just stared at me, an almost amused smile growing across her face the longer she did. "Edward, you look like you're becoming unhinged." Her voice was soft and teasing.

I couldn't think rationally when I was this stiff; it was fucking impossible. So of course, I had to go and utter the stupidest fucking words since telling Jacob I wanted to screw his cousin to get back at him. "Bella ... are you—I mean, have you...?" The heat from my dick immediately retracted and flooded to my ears—giving me some kind of relief, at least. I covered my face behind my hand and groaned out loud. "I'm sorry, baby."

"Edward, it's..." She sighed and grabbed my hand, pulling it gently from my face, forcing me to look at her. When I met her eyes, they were deep and serious, while a small smile was hinting at her lips. "Am I a virgin?" she asked softly. "Yes," she admitted in a whisper, nodding her head slightly.

I might have blinked and swallowed thickly, all I know for sure was that she didn't break her gaze from mine. She just stared deep into my eyes, down to my very soul before she bent down, her breath washing against my ear, and whispered, "And I want to give it to you."

My heart almost literally came to a screeching halt, catching my breath with it. Immediately I pulled myself up on one elbow, cupped my hand to her cheek and drew her to me impulsively, pressing my lips urgently against hers.

Curling her hands around the back of my neck, she allowed me to lie her back, while returning my kiss, deeply, her lips parting slowly as they completely surrendered and merged with mine.

I wasn't wholly aware of what I was doing. Somewhere in the far reaches of my rational mind, I knew she didn't mean she wanted to lose her virginity to me this instant. But I was completely steamrolled by sheer primitive desire. It had become heated very quickly, and I knew I was fast approaching the point of no return. This was despite laying only twenty or so feet away from a group of people—my sister being one of them.

It didn't help that she was completely accommodating and reactive to my every touch.

I pulled her closer to me, and attempted to drag the blanket over us—all without severing the contact of our lips that had totally fucking conquered me—when I quickly discovered that she'd placed herself directly beneath me, between my legs. I was leaning on one elbow; it was all that kept me from completely crushing into her, while my dick freaking throbbed in protest, demanding full contact with her. With my other hand, I struggled to slip it beneath her layers of clothes, engulfed by the heated fire of her mouth. Her lips continued to consume me, wearing down my restraint bit by painful bit; flooding me with her; her hot breath; her tongue—every single freaking particle of her.

The tempo of it went in waves. One minute we were kissing with a burning hot desire, holding nothing back, with a sense of urgency. And the next she slowed it down, closing her mouth slightly, the pressure of her lips between mine turning almost tender. I wasn't sure which part sent me further over the edge, but what I did know was that it was fucking killing me.

She was in total control, while I fought to keep mine in check.

I pulled my lips from hers to take a staggered breath, becoming fully aware of the aroused energy surging through my veins. Every inch of my skin was alight with her.

"Edward..." she sighed breathlessly, caressing her nose with mine.

"Bella ... baby," I all but groaned forcing back the animal in me, and knowing I had to hang on; I had to eventually stop this!

But I didn't, instead I crushed my lips back against hers.

Her hands ran through my hair, eagerly, returning to the back of my neck where she held me tightly to her. I grabbed her sweater in my fist, but it remained like that, frozen. I wanted to pull it up, fueled by the feel of her burning skin beneath the layers, but my brain was clouded and buzzing only with the feel of her lips and the torture of my confined dick.

The arm I was leaning on began quaking. I pulled my lips from hers again, and rested my nose gently against the soft, fleshy, blazing skin of her cheek as I struggled to take an even breath; struggled to hold on to the tenuous grip of any self-control I had left; struggled to keep some boundary in place that would prevent me from ripping her clothes off then and there.

Bella merely pressed her supple lips to my face, running her hands beneath my shirt and around to my back, where she gently coaxed me to relax my full weight on her. I was as hard as fucking granite and straining furiously within the confines of my jeans, and she'd just thrust me directly between her legs.

_Oh, fuck!_

I dropped my face into the crook of her neck and let out one seriously fucked up, shuddering breath. It came out as half a sigh, half a groan, with a one hundred percent, horny as hell undertone.

"Baby ... maybe ... we..." I struggled to pull up the air to speak while my heart thumped furiously in my chest, pumping more and more blood into my stiffer than cement dick.

"I know..." she whispered, just as her hot breath washed out over my face in a sigh that sounded almost identical to mine.

She slid her hands from around my back and rested them against my hips, before her fingers slipped delicately beneath the waist band of my jeans. Her touch made every hair on my body to stand on end, while a blaze of desire surged directly to my groin. My dick immediately reacted, jerking, almost bending in half behind my zipper.

I tried to smother back the groan but it ended up coming out as some restricted, fucked up strangled noise from my throat.

_Oh, what the fuck!_

I grabbed her, engulfing her back to me, connecting my mouth to hers and tasting the sweetness of her, feeling her immediately react and yield to me. My hands found their way under her sweater and as I ran them across her silky skin, any conflicting thoughts I had immediately faded away. She was consuming me all over again. All I knew was her. Her lips, her body beneath mine, and her hand as it gently and apprehensively inched further down my hip and into my jockeys.

I paused; my mouth instantly halting over hers briefly before I lost myself in the feel of her beneath my palms. As if sensing my reaction, she slowed the kiss down again, and pulled back slightly, only to melt back into me and deepen it a moment later.

I was so far freaking gone that, I didn't realize she'd put her whole hand inside my jocks. The button on my jeans popped opened as her fingers grazed my erection, making me almost jolt and burst into flames. I tore my lips from hers, when without warning, she grabbed my dick, wrapped it completely in the palm of her hand and squeezed.

My breath caught in the back of my throat, as a low, involuntary groan escaped me. I went stiff then shuddered, almost blowing my fucking load then and there.

She relaxed her grip.

"Bella..." I managed to speak. My voice was tight and strangled, while the majority of my brain consumption was used up by trying not to explode in her hand. I buried my face into her neck, taking deep breaths, desperately trying to distract myself.

Then she squeezed again.

I jerked reflexively, groaning again, louder this time, but muffled against her skin. "Oh, God, Bella—fuck!" Hastily, I grabbed her wrist, as her hand gripped my fucking dick like a vice, and held it still. I was too afraid to pull it off in case the friction would be the end of me. So I just held my hand over hers, kept my face immersed in the delicate skin of her neck and forcefully dragged fucked up images of Jazz and Alice making out to my mind.

"I-I'm sorry, Edward," she blurted apologetically, suddenly sounding uncertain. She released me and quickly pulled her hand out from underneath the waist of my jeans.

The sound of regret and insecurity in her voice was enough to deflate me to the point that I could manage some self-control. I raised my head from the warmth of her neck and caught her gaze. From the small amount of light that the dimming fire created, I could see insecurity burning deeply in them_._

"Hey," I began softly.

She smiled. It was affectionate, but it matched her eyes in doubt.

I kissed her gently but briefly, sighing before I pressed my lips to her ruddy cheek. "Don't ever be sorry for that, Bella," I whispered resolutely, before I kissed her again, closer to her ear. I let my lips linger against her skin, having to physically restrain myself and pull back.

It wasn't fucking easy.

I pulled both of us up, wrapped the blanket around her, before pulling her, with her back facing me, against my chest. I dropped my lips to the top of her head and left them there for a moment, collecting the last of my self-control. "You're right, baby, I should have taken them."

She chuckled gently, then drew my arms tighter around her chest and released her breath into a long drawn out sigh. "So I don't do that to you again, Edward, we should ... plan something."

"What do you have in mind?" I asked with a slightly restricted voice, feeling my boner come back to life.

"I'm ready, you're ready ... yeah?" she paused sounding uncertain.

Fuck, she was gorgeous.

I cuddled her closer to me, nuzzling my nose and lips into the side of her neck once more. "I'm ready."

"Then, we should leave it to fate. Whenever we're alone and the time is right, okay?" She tensed in my arms, before huffing the air from her lungs as if dismissing it.

"Okay," I agreed softly, while praying that fated day would be as soon as fucking possible.

I rested my lips on her shoulder as my mind began quickly calculating the possibilities.

The next day was our last day in Australia. If it wasn't then, we'd have to wait another two days until we got back to Forks...

I sighed to myself and it wasn't until Bella reacted to it that I realized it was out loud.

"You okay?" she asked me, her voice barely a whisper and very evidently full of doubt.

"I'm fine," I reassured her, squeezing her again gently.

She took my hand in hers, and with what seemed usual for her, she began playing with my fingers. I snuggled my face into the crook of her shoulder and neck, rising up and down with the motion of her breathing. Together with that irresistible smell of her, I found myself torn. She was calming, but not enough to soothe the flow of tingling energy as my mind continued to plan ahead and seal our fate.

After a while, and only by chance, as I came up for air from my perverted scheming, I noticed a small smirk pulling at the corners of her mouth.

"Edward?" she asked softly as it grew wider?

"Mmm-hmm?" I mumbled, closing my eyes just as a completely fucked up image of me and Bella having sex in front of a thousand sheep, in some dry patch of grass at the back of Nummi's property, unfolded in my mind.

"You really do have a big pen."

* * *

******A/N: Of course he does. It just wouldn't be Kosher if he didn't, peeps. I mean, come on...  
Anywho, too cheesy? I think it is, but I'm a bit cheesephobic so it's hard for me to judge.**


	38. Never Say Goodbye

**A/N: Fuck me this chapter is cheesy. Try as I did I couldn't uncheese it. I apologise in advance, but there you have it.**

* * *

**Chapter 38**

**Never Say Goodbye**

**Edward's POV**

It became pretty obvious early on the next day that it wasn't going to be our 'fated day'.

We woke early, and at Nummi's suggestion we headed about an hour out of town to have breakfast at a cafe that was popular with tourists. A further half an hour from the cafe was an old convict town that we spent the morning exploring—or more hanging about while Alice had her photo taken with everything she thought was historic.

Bella stayed close to Rach and Nummi's side. She had grown quiet.

It wasn't hard to guess why.

It was our last day in Australia, and I knew how hard it was going to be for Bella to say goodbye. I couldn't selfishly monopolize her time, and I'd have her all to myself in Forks all too soon. For now, I had to let her spend as much time as she could with her friends.

I rode back to Carol and Brian's house with John while the girls rode together, and by the time I'd packed my bags ready for our early departure the next morning, the sun was beginning to set and Carol was calling us to dinner.

She made it something of a special occasion as our last night there, and just before we began eating, she stood up from her chair and raised her glass of wine.

"Alice and Edward," she smiled over at us warmly, "it's been an absolute pleasure having you two here, and you're welcome back anytime." Her grinned broadened affectionately before her eyes then rested on Bella and her smile turned almost sad. "And, Bella, sweetheart," her voice softened, "where ever you are in this world, just know that you'll always have a home here."

Bella, who was sitting opposite me, next to Rach, had been flashing me that freaking smile of hers, when she turned to face Carol. Biting on her lower lip, she nodded quickly, bunching her brow to obviously prevent her eyes welling with tears, as Rach slung her arm over her shoulder and nudged her.

"Hear-hear," Brian added rather gruffly, raising his can of 'Tooheys' and we began eating.

The mood was somber. Bella looked dejected, yet when her eyes rose intermittently to meet mine, her face would transform in those few moments, brightening and warming before again her expression fell. I wasn't quite ready to sigh with relief, but it seemed like so far she had come through this whole ordeal and still had complete faith in me.

Out of respect more than obligation, I hung out with John and Brian after dinner and drank a couple of beers with them. Since arriving in Australia I had ironically come around to the taste of alcohol; not to mention the ten pounds of muscle I was sure I'd gained during my days of 'hard yakka'. Nummi's family was genuine. What you saw was what you got, and they had welcomed Alice and me into their fold without question. They were also a part of the few people that supported Bella when she was a child, when her parents were either absent or fucked up abusive. I hated to imagine what would have happened to her if she didn't have them in her life; in fact, it made me feel pretty fucking edgy.

But that could have been sexual frustration.

When I went down the hall to have a shower after my _'piss up'_ with the boys, I could hear the girls chatting on the other side of Nummi's bedroom door. I hesitated, deciding whether I should knock and interrupt them. I had barely spoken to Bella all day, and considering that over the last couple of days she had been practically glued to my side, I missed her.

I decided to let it go, reminding myself again as I stepped into the bathroom that this was her last moments with her two closest friends. But, by the time I got back to the kid's bedroom, Bella was waiting inside for me.

She was sitting on the bed wearing a sexy little cotton nightshirt and as I entered she glanced over at me intently as an almost apprehensive smile lit up across her face.

The first thought that had come to my mind was that Bella had planned on tonight being_ the fated moment_. My dick then responded in a knee jerk reaction and I sprang to life, and with just my loose flannel pyjama bottoms on, it was more than freaking obvious. In fact, Bella's eyes dropped down to them and a smirk replaced her tender smile, while her eyes sparked in that devious way of hers.

"Happy to see me, Edward, or do you have a pen in your pocket?" she quirked an eyebrow teasingly before she got up off the bed and approached me.

I reached out and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her flush against me. She gazed up at me, her palm idly smoothing down my shirt while her grin hedged knowingly.

I angled my head to kiss her but paused, and chuckled softly as her brow creased. "There are rules when it comes to certain parts of me, and unless you want me to call you something that will make you look _up yourself_, you have to be nice," I teased her back with feigned indignation—only my voice refused to cooperate, as usual. I was still strung out from of the previous night and still trying to process the reality that Bella wanted to have sex with me.

"Edward Cullen is my boyfriend, I already am up myself." She blinked her lashes all coy-like before her grin broadened and she broke into a light chuckle.

I half groaned and exhaled wryly. "Bella, that was terrible."

She released her breath into a soft humming sound, giving me that freaking smile again. "I was really—but it's true," she murmured, then reached up and wrapped her arms around my neck. She squeezed closer to me, her breath washing against the top of my chest, before she pressed her lips against my skin. Her breath washed against me again, hitching my temperature up, when she suddenly laughed softly to herself.

"What?"

"I'll say one thing, it's hotter than even you are," she answered when her laughter died, her words mumbling against my skin.

I laughed softly and dropped my lips to rest on the top of her head. "Technically it's still me," I replied.

She nudged me then leaned back to see my face, scowling at me playfully. "Are you mocking me again?"

I only grinned down at her, when she released me and grabbed my hand. "Anyway, I've come to hold you ransom with us girls tonight." And she turned and pulled me in the direction of the door, but I refused to budge. She turned back to me, her brow rising questioningly.

"Just hang on a minute," I said softly, drawing her back to me.

With my free hand I cupped her cheek, bending down to bring her to meet me half way. I kissed her softly, with my mouth only slightly parted, not wanting to let it get away from me again.

It was easier said than done, though.

When I pulled back fractionally, she immediately kissed me back, and as was becoming her habit, she deepened it, pressing her body tightly against mine as her breath rushed to flood my face.

It was all it took to crack the tenuous restraint I was hanging onto.

I pulled her flat to my chest, almost lifting her off the ground, as she wrapped her arms around my neck to secure herself. While I lost myself in the seduction that was her lips and mouth, I began pulling up her nightshirt so I could slip my hands against her naked skin. Fumbling slightly, I managed to slide them underneath, connecting with her hips before they came into contact with the cotton material of her underwear. My hands paused against the fabric, though Bella seemed oblivious and continued to kiss me with abandon; her mouth completely open to mine while her hands kept my lips fastened to hers, curved around my face and neck.

The blood was coursing through me, burning my skin and making me feel weak and powerless against the pure physical desire I had for her. All I wanted was her body, and I wanted it with a fucked up, uncompromised passion.

My hands gripped the waist of her underwear, stiffly. I muffled a breathless groan against her mouth and she pulled back, her hot breath washing over my tingling lips, while I kept my eyes tightly squeezed shut.

"Bella ... we..." I began, my voice tight as I fought the horny beast within me.

I felt her lips against mine again, but after a single tender, but brief kiss, she pulled back and let out her breath into a long heavy sigh. Then reaching down, she took both my hands in hers and gently prized my fingers from the elastic of her underwear; only to place them higher up her torso.

I finally opened my eyes to gaze into hers; they were deep and burning. She smiled at me gently, playfully raising her eyebrows. "Too much temptation?"

I mumbled out an incoherent reply, breaking into a sluggish, drunken grin.

In truth, having any part of her skin beneath my fingers was proving too much of a temptation, but I was glad she'd removed my hands, because I didn't know if I would have been able to prevent myself from ripping them down. And, if I got them down, there'd be no reining in the animal in me.

I tried to push these thoughts from my mind and steady my breathing, when I realized my hands were still cupped around the upper half of Bella's torso; feeling her chest rise and fall as she attempted to pull herself back as well. All it did was make my dick stand completely on end and dig into her lower stomach. It was burning to the point it was becoming painful.

I groaned inwardly, closing my eyes and feeling my forehead completely knot. I did not remove my hands; in fact, I started gently caressing her skin with my thumbs as I inched them up. All the while, they were beginning to tremble and go clammy, but then my skin was becoming an open flame.

I was becoming more at ease with my bullshit body temperature, and I liked Bella's reaction to it. She never made me feel like a primitive bastard over it.

She sighed again, deeply; a voice to her frustration before she leaned up on her tippy toes and kissed me again. It was only brief, but it crippled me.

How the fuck did she know how to kiss me with so much goddamn tenderness, while being completely fucking erotic at the same time?

I was on autopilot. I leaned back to her, pressing my lips to hers, needing her so fucking much, when she pulled back again. I released my tortured breath and dipped my head, resting my forehead against hers, while my hands continued to slide slowly toward her breasts.

She began running her fingers through the back of my hair, before she ran one of her hands down my face, resting it on my cheek.

I opened my eyes. Her gaze was lowered; she looked troubled, before her eyes flickered to meet mine.

"I don't mean to tease you, Edward," she whispered, her eyes dipping again, while her hand on my cheek moved to rest on my chest.

"I know you don't," I replied softly, removing my hands, almost reluctantly, from beneath her shirt.

She continued to gaze up at me, her eyes holding mine fixedly as they slowly deepened again, becoming almost endless.

_What is she thinking now_? I wondered, bringing my hand to her face and running the back of my fingers across her cheekbone.

But, she quickly forced back her emotion, her expression turning impatient for a moment.

I felt the smile break across my face before I was fully aware of it. "You okay?" I asked her raising my brow, my voice too compromised by her.

She nodded almost stubbornly, as if trying to convince herself as well. "I'm okay," she said quietly, before her lips curved slightly into a small smile, her expression relaxing. "I'd be better if you weren't so bloody irresistible."

I chuckled this time, gently. "Well, you know, I _am_ a spunk after all."

She gazed up at me squarely and threw me a feigned frown. "Always mocking me."

I just gave her a hopelessly pathetic grin, before I cupped both my hands about her face and planted a soft, but brief kiss on her lips and completely released her.

She relaxed against me, wrapping an arm around my waist and we made our way down the hall to Nummi's room.

"Fifteen minutes—I win!" Alice exclaimed the instant we walked through the door.

"Huh?" I asked her blankly.

"We had a bet to see how long we thought it would take Bella to get you in here," Nummi explained with a knowing grin. "Alice was the closest. I said half an hour."

"I was the most bloody naïve. I said five minutes," Rach piped up, rolling her eyes to herself.

I broke into a semi awkward smile and glanced down at Bella; she was flashing Rach a wry smirk.

"I'm so glad you guys are finding amusement in me," she huffed good-naturedly, squeezing my side before she released her arm around me and jumped onto the double bed in the middle of the room. She settled herself amongst the pillows then looked over at me and motioned—too freaking seductively—with her index finger for me to join her.

I climbed on the bed beside her and folded my arms. As much as I wanted to keep her as physically close to me as possible, I didn't like the prospect of three girls, one being my sister, seeing the reaction Bella brought out in me. But Bella simply snuggled against my side and took one of my hands in hers, playing with my fingers as she chatted.

The girls talked and laughed together. I was happy enough to simply listen. When Bella was relaxed, her Australian-isms were so much more prominent that they were too freaking funny to almost keep a straight face. With my free arm, I wrapped it around her waist, pulling her closer against me, with my grin tugging broadly, and having no hope of controlling it. A few times, I was forced to cough a laugh back into my hand or chuckle through my nose, though it seemed to go unnoticed by everyone, except Alice.

Bella seemed comfortable to have me there, without being as conscious of her language like she would have been in Forks. And all the time her hands didn't sever contact with me. She seemed fixated on playing with my earlobe, but a few times she brought the back of my hand to her lips, planting a kiss on it, before continuing to chat casually in a completely carefree manner.

My eyes rarely left her.

She caught my gaze and smiled gently to herself, before threading her fingers through mine and squeezing.

I leaned in and kissed her softly on the side of her brow.

"Um ... Okay, you two are cute and everything, but I'm starting to feel the urge to chuck," Rach spoke up, her voice laced with dry humor.

It took me a moment to realize that she was speaking to Bella and me. I met her steady, knowing gaze and grinned, a little sheepishly. She broke into a smirk before she turned to Bella and almost openly rolled her eyes.

"_I'm_ still in a state of shock that it's _Bella_!" Nummi added. Her eyes turned to me, and she continued, "In the past if a guy even looked at Bella the wrong way, she'd give them a look that said she'd cut their balls off if they got any closer!"

I inhaled a mouthful of saliva and almost choked to death.

"Well, that's because my mother is the town slag and all the boys thought I was the same—you think I didn't know why they hung around waiting for me to faint?" Bella replied insistently, her tone turning cynical.

This surprised me so much that I quickly gained control of my restricted throat and turned to her—just in time to see her face cloud.

I squeezed her hand reassuringly. She looked up and smiled a little ruefully, her face starting to deepen with color. With our fingers still entwined, I reached over and caressed her cheek gently. "When did you faint?" I asked, teasing her a little.

She looked down again, smiling this time with an edge of embarrassment before she again met my eyes and sort of half shrugged. "Every day between October and March."

"Bells is allergic to summer," Nummi explained, beginning to chuckle.

"In Forks, between October and March, it snows," I murmured into her ear.

Rach suddenly groaned loudly. "Okay, so I doubt Edward's balls are in danger, but do you guys mind being sensitive to those of us who are forcefully celibate?"

"Erm ... "I mumbled, muffling my laughter under my breath and feeling my temperature spike a little. I was forcefully celibate as well—until I could get Bella alone.

"I think that's just you, Rach," Nummi quipped teasingly.

"You guys just aren't desensitized to Alice and Jazz," Bella spoke up, flashing Alice an affectionate grin.

In reply, Alice cleared her throat loudly and with feigned offense. "Excuse me, but I'll have you know that Jazz and I never got as hot and heated as you two last night when we were only dating for two weeks."

_Oh Jesus._

"Really ... got pretty heated under the swag last night did it, guys?" Rach drawled, her smirk broad and knowing.

Bella bowed her forehead against my chest and groaned softly to herself, and even through the fabric of my shirt, I felt her face burning.

I looked over at Rach, her grin increased, threatening to become all out laughter as her eyes rested on Bella then back to me. I cleared my throat, and rubbed my forehead awkwardly. "Ah ..." I stammered, but what the fuck could I say? And my skin crawled with the knowledge that freaking Alice saw us.

Rach and Nummi burst into laughter, and Alice threw me a look that told me we were now even. I scowled at her, only half teasingly; she rolled her eyes in response, but the topic soon moved from Bella and me, and with the feel of Bella's heated lips at the base of my throat, I quickly let it go.

For another hour I was an audience to their chatting until slowly it began to wind down.

Bella was all but unconscious against me, Alice had long since crashed and I was seriously struggling to keep my eyes open—I'd spent the night before again with barely any sleep.

With a sigh, Nummi climbed under the covers of the foldout bed she'd been perched on top of.

"I can go back to your brother's room, Nummi. I don't mind. I feel pretty bad that you and Rach are sleeping on those things," I offered, keeping my voice hushed.

She looked over at me and smiled warmly. "Nah, we're fine. Besides, you've slept with Bella enough to know that she's a nightmare. She wakes up twenty five times a night."

"I chose this bed exactly for that reason," Rach elaborated lightly, her eyes falling on Bella—who was limp in my arms—and smiling to herself.

I chuckled softly. "Yeah, she's a light sleeper—except when she's drunk."

Nummi laughed lightly, then reached up to switch off the lamp. "Good night, guys."

"Night," Bella mumbled almost incoherently against my chest without opening her eyes.

Nummi flicked the switch; I pulled the blanket over Bella and me, turned my head to rest my lips against her forehead and fell asleep almost immediately.

**...**

It was 8am, and we stood on the platform of the station waiting for our train. Alice beside me was blubbering and Bella was clinging to Rach and Nummi openly sobbing.

They'd tried to say goodbye remaining composed, but Bella's tears had begun the moment Carol hugged her goodbye at the house. And the minute she turned to them, after we'd put our bags down on the platform, Nummi and Rach promptly burst into tears and pulled her into their arms.

I just stood helpless as Bella clung to them, inconsolable. Her tears were fucking me up, and I'd seen enough of them from her these last weeks to never want to see her shed a single tear ever again.

"It won't be forever," Rach insisted, pulling back to wipe Bella's tears away, while her own spilled freely down her cheeks. "I promise."

Bella bowed her head, nodding, her tears falling down to the concrete platform at her feet.

"Yeah, Bells, we're coming over there next time," Nummi declared with determination while looking completely miserable, despite attempting to smile through it.

Bella buried her head in her hands and made a pitiful attempt to wipe her face dry. "You guys had better," was her muffled reply, while her voice continued to break, despite the stubbornness of her tone.

They went back into another round of hugging, when Rach pulled away and nudged Bella teasingly. "I'm gonna give your boyfriend a kiss, Bells, before I don't get another chance."

Bella laughed softly, still trying to stem her tears, and nodded. She turned to Nummi, who pulled her impulsively into her arms as Rach glanced up at me and smiled warmly. "Come here, you."

I hugged her goodbye, and then bent down to meet the kiss that she planted on my cheek. She then motioned to me, leaned in closer and dropped her voice. "If you hurt her, I'll get on a plane and_ I_ _will_ cut off your balls." Her tone was teasing and warm, but when I pulled back her eyes were swimming with conviction.

I grinned at her affectionately, but cleared my throat beneath my breath. "I won't hurt her, Rach. I promise."

She quirked an eyebrow at me cynically. "Okay, so I get you wouldn't willingly hurt her."

I shook my head adamantly and glanced over at Bella, who was still clinging to Nummi, trying bravely to combat her tears. A small smile curved on my mouth before I became fully aware of it. "You have my word," I said to Rach when I turned back to her.

She just smiled at me in her canny way then turned to Alice, and the next minute Nummi was hugging me tightly. "It was great meeting you, Edward," she burst passionately, planting a rather mushy kiss where Rach had a moment ago.

"You too, Nummi—what's your real name, by the way?" I pulled back and asked her, suddenly curious.

"Naomi," she answered, with a small grin, "and _how tall_ are you?"

I laughed softly. "Six foot one, _Naomi_."

She chuckled. "And are you sure you're Alice's twin?"

I laughed, this time wholeheartedly. "The jury's still out."

"He's right, because _unlike_ him I have _normal_ body temperature," Alice piped up, grinning as she wiped her tears then yanked Nummi into her embrace.

As Nummi and Rach said goodbye to Alice, Bella crushed herself against my chest and wrapped her arms around my waist. She took a deep, wavering breath before she turned and pushed her face into my sweater.

I bent down to press my lips on top of her head and pulled her more tightly in my arms, rubbing her back as she sobbed quietly.

The train pulled in. Bella turned to Rach, pulled her into her arms one last time, before doing the same with Nummi, before all three of them hugged together.

"I love you guys," she whispered to them, kissing them both quickly before she turned toward me and looked up to meet my gaze.

The look on her face was pure, fucked up heartbreak. Her eyes were drowning in pain, her face twisted with it. I smiled down at her gently, but I was feeling pissed off all of a sudden.

I held my hand out to her, she took it almost reluctantly and we walked toward the train, while Alice quickly hugged Nummi and Rach one last time in a final goodbye.

Bella kept her eyes locked to the ground, until we stepped on the train where she turned back to them and held up her hand as her tears continued to spill down her cheeks.

"Bye," she whispered.

"Seeya, guys," I said softly, keeping my hand clamped tightly to Bella's. She was trembling; I could feel the energy of it traveling up my arm. I glanced down at her before back to Rach and Nummi, just as my chest went tight. They stood together, just as they were on our first day at the airport, Bella's past—that she was leaving behind with Alice and me. In a fucked up way I felt guilty, but the fact was, I was going to miss them. I was going to miss this country.

The doors to the train closed, and we made our way into the carriage to find our seats. I shoved our bags into a small compartment then went to sit beside Bella. She was gazing out at Nummi and Rach, her palm flat on the window, the tears continuing to silently streak her face. Alice had her arm around her shoulders as she waved to them miserably.

I sighed, took my seat and turned to look out at them just as the train pulled out of the station. Bella kept her eyes on them until they were out of view, then turned, dropped her face in her hands and completely broke down.

"Hey," I said gently, pulling her against me. She curled into me and buried her face—still covered by her hands—against my chest.

She lay in my arms continuing to sob, her tears mixing with shuddering, jerky breaths that slowly and eventually began to subside. When she was calm, she removed her hands from her face and straightened herself up with one final deep, wavering sigh. She sat with her back leaning against me for several minutes, just gazing out the window with a dejected expression. I figured she'd need some time to deal with leaving, so taking Nummi's advice from a few days before, I let her lead.

The first thing she did was grab my hand and wrap both hers around it tightly. Then eventually she turned to me, snuggled closer, and leaned her chin on my shoulder, sighing again.

I turned to face her.

"Edward?" she asked softly.

"Mmmm?" I mumbled, pressing my nose and lips against her flushed forehead and closing my eyes. It had fucked me up to see her go through so much the last two weeks. It made me freaking edgy and irrational because I felt like I was suffering along with her. As much as it made me feel like a selfish bastard I was fucking tired of it, and I wanted it to be just about her and me.

She continued to just stare at me, when the smallest smile curved on her lips. "You're doing that face again."

I grinned, pushing it through my nose, while Alice, sitting across from us, chuckled.

"What face is that?" I asked.

She lifted her chin from me, sat up straighter and smiled. "You get about ten emotions across your face—all at once and the vein in your forehead sticks out." And as if to verify it, she pressed her fingers to my temple.

"And he looks like he's going to kill you and hug you at once," Alice added, to which Bella broke into gentle laughter.

"Um ... not quite, Als. If Edward was looking at me the way he looks at you—I'd be worried."

I laughed and kissed the side of her face impulsively. This was the Bella that I was getting to know just before Kel died. The same Bella who was texting me with her Forks jokes, teasing me on the phone about weasel Newton; sitting beside me in bio and writing me adorable freaking notes with the pen I gave her. The same Bella that made my blood boil and my skin burn, while making me walk around with all-day-long freaking erections.

The same Bella I feared was gone forever.

And it seemed the further we traveled away from Rocherrie, the more Bella became her old self.

It was a five-hour trip to Sydney, but before we were barely half way there, Bella seemed to let go of the tension within her and completely relaxed.

She curled herself into my side, resting her hand on my leg and running her fingers across my knee absently as she chatted with Alice and me. She laughed more, while the smiles she flashed me began to edge playfully. She kissed me a lot, even with Alice beside us smirking like a wise ass, and her eyes were bright and expressive again. The deep chasm of pain that seemed to be permanently branded within them over the last couple of weeks had begun to fade.

Alice fell asleep after a while, and Bella gradually went quiet, gazing out the window, continuing to play absently with the denim of my jeans. I knew she had to be as tired as I was, so I pulled her further against me and closed my eyes, exhaling with a weary sigh. She turned to me, kissed me softly and tenderly on the lips, then reached out and grabbed my hand.

"Have I told you how amazing you are, Edward?" she murmured into my ear, nuzzling it with her nose, before pressing her lips gently to the side of my face.

With her hot breath flooding my ear, my temperature immediately hiked. I squirmed a little in my seat trying to ward off the erection that was always lurking, and turned to face her. "You look hammered, Baby. Try to get some sleep. You can tell me how amazing I am when we're back in Forks," I teased her gently.

She threw me that playful frown I seemed to bring out in her then relaxed against me with a resigned sigh.

She fell asleep a few minutes later and woke me up five minutes before we arrived in Sydney.

* * *

**A/N: kick those knickers off!**


	39. The Ferris Wheel

**A/N: I kinda like this chapter...**

* * *

**Chapter 39**

**The Ferris Wheel**

**Edward's POV**

We dragged our asses onto the platform and headed to the adjacent one, where we were catching the connecting train to the airport. This was when mom rang.

"Hey, honey, you'll have to stay another night in Australia, I'm afraid," she said regretfully down the phone.

"Huh?" I uttered blankly, still freaking half asleep. "We're five minutes from the airport!"

"Your plane was grounded. I'm still getting information on it, but it's definitely not going anywhere for the next twenty four hours, at least."

"What do you mean it was grounded? We're in Sydney, Mom. We can't go back to Nummi's now!" I demanded becoming impatient, and running my hand through my hair with sudden frustration.

"I'll arrange for a hotel for tonight. Don't panic, Edward." She sighed.

Immediately my senses seemed to snap back in place, and my eyes darted to meet Bella's. Her brow was knotting with growing disappointment, but I only stared at her as the implications of my mother's words began to sink in. In the next instant I was fully erect, my skin prickling with rapidly building heat, while my mind completely shut down.

"Edward? Hello?"

"Uh... yeah. W-which hotel?" I stammered, freaking lucky I was able to find my voice.

"I'll book you one and get back to you. Hold tight for about ten minutes, okay, honey?"

I cleared my throat roughly, feeling another influx of heat surge through me. "Okay."

"We're staying another night?" Alice asked, her face lighting up from the inside at the prospect.

"Looks like it," I answered in a mumble, raising my gaze to meet Bella's. Her eyes were contemplative, her face pale, while color was quickly rushing to her cheeks. She broke eye contact and pulled her bottom lip into her mouth.

"Yay!" Alice clapped her hands and jumped up and down, but I was too distracted to be annoyed by her.

All I could really register was the fact that if mom booked us a two bedroom hotel...

_Oh fuck!_

My heart began pounding, forcing my suddenly burning blood rapidly through my body. I could feel it creeping up the back of my neck, and hammering in my temples.

"Mom's getting us a hotel, she's gonna ring back in a moment," I explained. I rubbed my brow, and focused on the ground trying to rein in my aching freaking erection, before I went and sat down on a platform bench. When I looked back up and met Bella's gaze, her expression immediately sealed my hard on for an extended stay. Her face, although a shade deeper, was relaxed and a small smile was working its way into her expression. There was no playfulness to it, it was vulnerable, but it was her eyes that hamstringed me. They were burning…

_Fuck!_

Somewhere in the realm of my sub consciousness—existing outside of Bella's fuck me eyes—I was aware that Alice had bounded onto the seat beside me, promptly bringing me out of my suspended stupor by slapping me on the back.

"A night in Sydney! What are we gonna do?" she squealed in my ear.

I cringed away from her. "Calm the fuck down, will you, Alice? Jesus!" I burst impatiently, glancing back over at Bella.

She hadn't moved; she was still standing in the same position she'd been when I first spoke to mom. Her expression this time brought me quickly down to earth; she looked nervous and unsure. She was glancing around absently, and her eyes were suddenly clouding with doubt. Then she done something that I was becoming increasingly familiar with, she reached out and tugged on her lower lip.

It was then that her eyes locked with mine. She dropped her hand and smiled at me again. It wasn't playful or teasing and I began to think I'd completely imagined her horniness.

"We can go to Luna park?" she offered, while I stared at her completely freaking confused, before I realized that she was answering Alice's question. She raised her brow questioningly.

"Cool!" Alice replied too enthusiastically, her voice going up another decibel.

I rolled my eyes and thought about shoving the little rat off the bench. Trust her to fucking know what _Luna Park_ was, to me it sounded like a freaking mental asylum.

My phone rang. Mom gave me the name and address of the hotel she'd booked for us then explained the situation with the plane further. I nodded, not really absorbing her words. My thoughts had begun ticking over again and I think I was running my hand through my hair and jerking on the collar of my shirt. It was beginning to get freaking hot!

"I'll call you when I know more, give Alice a k—"

I hung up and turned to Bella. "The Somerset at Darling Harbor, do you know it?"

Her eyebrows pulled together and she tilted her head slightly. "I know where Darling Harbor is."

To get to Darling Harbor we took a train three stations away and got off right at Sydney Harbor, with the giant bridge looming ahead of us. Of course, Alice had to go all touristy and start overdosing on her excitement, until a very nice local offered to take a photo of us '_three Yankees'_ with the bridge and the bizarre shaped opera house behind us.

We boarded a ferry next which went under the bridge and made stops at various locations around the harbor. One of them was _Luna Park_; a small amusement park, where the entry was a huge freaking creepy looking smiling face.

"Oh, that is so cool—we so have to go there!" Alice gushed and sprang up to take a few more hundred pictures of it—considering she had her camera rigged so it took freaking twenty every time she clicked it.

Bella grinned affectionately and shook her head lightly to herself. I kissed the side of her wind swept hair, then bent down to murmur in her ear. "Want to adopt her?"

She chuckled and nudged me in response. "You love the _little rat_."

I grinned but felt my brow bridge a little. "How do you know I call her that?"

Her smile grew with open amusement, then cue with _that_ smile, before she leaned closer to me. "Because, you mutter it to yourself constantly."

I chuckled and draped my arm over her shoulder. She positioned herself to relax her back against me, while I tried in vain to prevent my erection from drawing her attention.

At Alice's insistence, we sat outside at the bow of the ferry. But even with the cool sea air, and constant spurts of mist washing over us, I remained hot and stubbornly hard.

And Bella was well aware of it.

We found the hotel without too much drama—in the sense that Alice asked a couple of guys for directions and they practically walked us to the entrance.

The Somerset Hotel was a multi-story building with views of the harbor.

I stood gazing up at it, my mind racing through possibilities and questions, with my dick reacting openly to every thought.

Bella squeezed my side gently, and when I looked down at her, she was staring at me with her head slightly tilted, and that goddamn smile taking shape on her lips—only her eyes were shining deep with uncertainty. She raised her eyebrows slightly. "You okay?"

I grinned down at her and opened my mouth to reply, when Alice grabbed Bella's hand and hauled us inside in another fit of excitement.

They were expecting us. Alice did the talking, and once the concierge had given us a scrutinizing once over—obviously not liking the idea of having the three of us walking around independently—we were given the key, and sent in the general direction of the lifts.

I walked stiffly at best. I was suddenly an exposed nerve. I felt like I was going to burst and then I was going to fucking die! I was heated to the point that the collar at my neck was damp, and my skin felt charged, as if any touch would release a spark of energy through me that I'd physically jolt. And my fucking dick refused to listen to reason.

I held steadfast to Bella's hand, even though the temperature between our palms had to be freaking sweltering, and allowed her to lead me. I was restless, I felt like my lungs were restricted and I was so fucking horny that even the friction of walking caused me endless pain.

Bella noticed; she didn't miss much with me. In fact, she seemed to be pretty in tune. Then I suppose I could thank Alice for that.

After pulling me into the lift behind her, she squeezed my hand and then prized it free of my grip. Glancing down at it, she grinned to herself, before wiping her palm on the front of my shirt.

"Very funny, Bella," I said lowly, attempting to convince her that I was offended, but she didn't fall for it.

She chuckled softly then wrapped her arm around my waist and snuggled closer to me—to my erection—continuing to smile to herself.

I shook my head lightly, released my breath, and rested my arm on her shoulder.

Alice glanced over at us, then rolled her eyes and huffed shortly. "I hope you two will remember that I'm sharing this room with you as well."

"Als, when I slept over your house you kicked me out of your room when Jazz came in, remember?" Bella teased her, her tone slightly incredulous.

"I _did not_ kick you out!" Alice insisted.

"Well, what was I supposed to do—hang out and eat popcorn?"

I groaned and dipped my head, massaging my forehead with my fingertips. But I was secretly glad that the conversation was helping to stem the blood flow to my dick—at the bare minimum.

The lift came to a halt with a 'ding', and the doors opened.

"As if you didn't want an excuse to hang out with my diaphoretic brother anyway," Alice replied, nudging her before practically skipping out of the lift into the foyer.

"Amusing, pixie-stick, been googling again have you?" I said dryly.

She looked back at me over her shoulder and flashed me a smug grin. I sighed and hauled my bag over my shoulder, while lifting Bella's suitcase with my other hand. I followed Alice, smirking to myself as Bella attempted to wrangle her bag from my grip.

Alice stopped at the door of our room and fumbled in her enthusiasm to unlock it. I placed Bella's suitcase down behind her for a moment, just as a burning surge of energy swelled through me. I dragged the back of my hand across my brow, almost subconsciously, relieved that I wasn't dripping with sweat, at least.

But it was only a matter of time.

Bella picked up her suitcase then grabbed my hand and pulled me inside.

The room was less of a hotel and more of an apartment. It was fully equipped, with a kitchen, laundry, living room, and two king-sized bedrooms.

While the little rat inspected the suite like a hyperactive poodle, Bella walked toward the bedrooms. I hung back and watched her—I needed a fucking moment to pull myself together, and disconnect my dick from my brain, before I even contemplated sharing a room with her.

She seemed to hesitate, then looked over her shoulder and caught my gaze. Her eyebrows rose slightly, and she bit down on her bottom lip. I stared back at her, at her slightly cautious expression, unable to read her. I had no idea whether she was asking me some unspoken question or whether she was letting me know she wasn't so keen on the whole idea all of a sudden. I couldn't even presume, because despite the fact that she seemed to be reflecting, her expression remained slightly guarded and her eyes, as they continued to hold my gaze, were an ocean of contradictions.

Or, maybe I was just having a freaking panic attack at the idea that she might be stalling.

She broke eye contact and turned back to stare at the two bedrooms opened before her. Then again, she reached up and tugged on her lower lip.

I sighed deeply under my breath. I didn't take it as a good sign.

Of course, Alice then ran straight past her into one of the rooms and leaped onto the bed, loudly announcing, "I bag this room. You two can have the other one."

I walked a couple of steps and stopped beside her. "You can share with Alice if you want, Bella."

She turned to gaze up at me, and I shrugged, completely fucking clueless. She quirked an eyebrow, an almost amused smirk twitching at her lips, and opened her mouth to reply when Alice snorted loudly.

"Yeah, right." Alice scoffed, then sprang up from the bed and walked over to us, raising one of her cocky, all knowing eyebrows. "Your room is that one, _Bella and Edward_." She motioned with her thumb to the adjoining room before slamming the door on us. "I'm gonna have a shower."

"Okay … well I guess we've been told," Bella mumbled to herself and then broke into a small smile, turning to me. "Not that I wanted to share with her, she talks in her sleep more than you do."

We walked into the second bedroom, with Bella playfully nudging me through the doorway. I grinned to myself, freaking stupefied, dragged my fingers roughly through my hair for the fiftieth fucking time that day.

I'd lost the fight to keep my erection at a dignified level, especially when Bella dropped her suitcase at the foot of the bed, then dragged herself lazily to the middle of it, flopping stomach down with a long sigh that ended with a muffled groan. She flipped herself over, pushing the heels of her palms into her eyes and rubbed them in a frustrated way. I released my bag from my shoulder with an exhausted breath and placed it beside hers. When I looked back over at her, she was giving me a funny grin with her eyebrows pulling together. "You're doing that face again, Edward."

Then without warning, she leaned forward, grabbed me by my t-shirt with both fists and pulled me flush on top of her. I almost stumbled and came crashing against her with my full weight, fully erect and buzzing.

I quickly realized it was just to snuggle with me.

She curled on her side, forcing me to mine, and wrapped her arms around my waist, laying her head on my chest.

"Just stay here with me for a minute," she mumbled, squeezing me tighter and closing her eyes.

I relaxed against the pillows, not really believing it was actually possible at that moment, and curved my hand around her hip. "Bella?"

She took another deep breath and released it into a hum in answer to me.

I quickly kissed her on the top of her head and untangled myself from her arms. "I might have a shower too."

Okay, so I jerked off in the shower and actually contemplated a second time. I had no choice really, because if things were still status quo with Bella, if she still felt the same way she did at the bonfire, then I knew I'd be lucky to last thirty seconds. And that wouldn't be something I wanted her to remember for her first time—for _our _first time. But if Bella had changed her mind, and I couldn't for the life of me work out if that was the case or not, then if I stayed as strung out as I was, I would attack her, or I'd freaking throw myself out the window.

When I was done, I was only moderately at ease. My mind was still buzzing with the possibility and keeping my body on continuous high alert for combat. And Bella was giving away no clues.

A part of her looked half scared to death, and she continued doing every little mannerism to validate it. But another part of her was relaxed and confident, and she was suddenly a lot more hands on. In fact, by the time we left the hotel again to get something to eat, I almost needed to go back in the shower for round two. Bella's hands barely severed contact with me, and my skin was almost literally tingling with her.

We walked around Darling Harbor looking for a place to eat. I was just as fucking hungry as I was horny, and the idea of a _meat pie and sauce_ in a café made me feel almost openly hostile. As it was, we decided on seafood and while I ate, with a little too much relish, I admit, Bella seemed more interested in watching me than eating herself. Mingled with her smile, she stared at me as if she was outright surprised. It only made the way she smiled at me increase and the intensity to her eyes deepen. Yet every time I caught her gaze, her eyes flickered away and clouded with that uncertainty again. It fucked my appetite, and it was soon all I could focus on.

Whether or not Bella had changed her mind.

That's how it remained with her into the evening; she was at ease and smiling in that seductive fucking way, putting her hands on me and teasing the crap out of me, only to go cold turkey and withdrawn—then start doing shit like the lip tugging. She'd always snap out of it after a few moments and relax again, but it left me feeling like I was in suspended animation. I was too much of a pussy to ask her about it, because I was so fucking hung up on it all that I'd probably burst into tears if she told me she wasn't ready.

The rational part of my mind told me two things. The first was that she was a virgin and regardless of how much she told me she was ready, it was natural that she'd be nervous. And the second thing was that if she wasn't ready I'd have to deal with it. In reality, after two weeks of being together with her, I had no right to pressure her for sex.

Not that I'd ever put pressure on her—not consciously anyway.

At around seven, we decided to catch a ferry back to Luna Park. It came alive at night; we heard the screams of people on the rollercoaster from across the harbor, and it drove Alice into a fit of frenzied excitement.

Amusement parks were not really my thing and I was glad that Bella seemed as equally reluctant to go on any of the rides as I was. She did the lip tugging at the prospect and while I tried not to over analyze any comparisons, I used it as an excuse to get out of it as well—with a whole lungful of relief. When I told Alice I'd stay with Bella, she'd smiled up at me all grateful and fucking gorgeous. I threw Alice a silent look that if she ratted me out I'd throw her into the harbor.

While Alice went psycho on the rides, Bella and I had our own fun, riding the dodgem cars, the ghost train—which scared the crap out of her so much that she ended up practically leaping onto my lap and squeezing the life from me—and playing the carnival games. She was as generally abysmal at them as she was at pinball, but since I'd won her everything she'd pointed out, she became insistent on winning me something in return.

I attempted not to laugh, but it wasn't easy, and in the dart and balloon game I was in physical pain trying not to. After several attempts, where her dart bounced off the balloons and fell to the ground, she decided on a new tactic. She threw the dart so that it spun around. It ended up ricocheting off a balloon, almost taking the guy's eye out that was running it. He eventually gave her a prize if she agreed not to play anymore. She picked out a stuffed crocodile, which she whacked me with when I slung my arm over her shoulder, no longer able to hold in my laughter.

I dropped my head and buried my face into the crook of her neck. "I'm sorry," I mumbled against her skin only to snort another bought of laughter through my nose.

She sighed loudly, but good-naturedly, and I lifted my head and kissed her on the side of her face impulsively.

"It's concerning how much amusement you get out of me, Edward." She rolled her eyes and nudged me playfully, before her attention was caught suddenly by something in front of her. She grabbed my hand and pulled me forward.

"Where we going?" I asked, releasing her hand to wrap it around her shoulder again.

She pointed it out. "I _love_ the Ferris wheel—want to go on with me?"

_Fuck._

I froze, stopping midstride staring up at the contraption. It stood taller than the rollercoaster with caged carriages that would freaking trap us inside. And the very idea of getting inside one of them—especially with Bella beside me, made me want to go fetal.

Bella curled her arm around my waist and snuggled against me before she immediately pulled back and gazed up at me puzzled, her eyes growing wide with concern. "What's wrong, Edward? You're … trembling."

I shrugged it off and smiled down at her in a pitiful attempt to put her at ease. "I'm fine. Just cold, I guess."

Her brow immediately shot up cynically. "You're _cold_?"

Okay, not the smartest thing to say, but what was my alternative? Tell her I was afraid of the fucking Ferris wheel? As appealing as that was, my other option was to say nothing, get on with her and freak the fuck out like a giant pussy.

"Edward?" I looked down at her; she was staring at me, her brow piqued in confusion. "You okay?"

I took a hurried breath before my courage waned. "I'm good, let's ride the Ferris wheel."

I grabbed her hand, knowing she wouldn't think nothing of its clamminess, and pulled her forward. I told myself over and over that the last time I'd had a melt down over heights was when I was twelve and this _was_ just a Ferris wheel, not the Sears Tower, and I was riding it with my girlfriend. I could _handle it._

When we got in the line, I let go of her hand and shoved both of mine in my pockets. I was jittery, my pulse was starting to race and I needed all my concentration to keep from wimping out.

She just stood there next to me in the line, staring up at me, and biting on her lower lip. Worry lines were creasing her forehead, and her eyes started doing that deep, endless thing again. But she didn't say anything. I knew she definitely wanted to; her mouth opened and closed a few times, but she eventually shut it then pulled my left hand from my jeans pocket and grasped it tightly, exhaling shortly. She wasn't buying any of it, but she didn't hassle me; instead, her eyes barely left me.

I tried ignoring her while reminding myself again that it was just a freaking Ferris wheel and I'd be okay. But, by the time Bella and I made it to the front of the queue, I was definitely regretting my macho decision. My stomach was in knots and I was as tense as a board. I stubbornly shoved it back, pissed off at myself, silently demanding I stop being a fucking pussy and get control.

Then we stepped into one of the carriages and sat down. I was okay, I'd made it that far; I was half way. I tried to take a deep breath but my lungs felt restricted. I managed to get enough oxygen to calm myself and smile over at Bella, but then the guy shut the cage on us.

I broke into a cold fucking sweat, and my heart suddenly felt like it was going to tear through my chest.

Then the thing started rising.

The charade was up; I wasn't fooling anyone, least of all Bella. I grabbed the bars of the cage with both hands, closing my fists around them so tight my knuckles turned white, sitting stiffer than cement and unable to fucking breathe.

"Edward," Bella asked softly, her eyes were huge and I saw how fucking terrified I was reflected in them, "you're scaring the hell out of me."

And we continued rising.

"Bella, I-I'm not good with heights," I confessed stiffly, unable to inflate my lungs—and I needed fucking air.

She took a long breath, dropping her shoulders with it then shook her head at me as that smile grew on her lips. "You dope—why didn't you tell me?" She moved to sit closer to me and the carriage started rocking.

"Jesus—fuck—Bella! Don't move!" I burst, my voice rising with panic. I was shaking like a pansy ass, my heart was going into overdrive and I felt like I was going to fucking pass out!

"Okay—okay." She held up her hands cautiously. "We'll go around once and get off. Can you handle that?" Her tone was gentle, soothing, but I was fucking gone.

I could handle going around once, I'd just fucking make it at that point, but the freaking thing reached the top and then stopped and rocked back and forth.

And I made the catastrophic decision of looking out.

Right then, I knew if I didn't get off I was either going to puke in front of Bella or burst a fucking blood vessel in my brain.

This pathetic half groan, half whimper sound escaped me. My head was spinning, my stomach was churning and I felt like absolute death. I let go of the bars and slumped forward, and with my elbows on my knees, I dragged my fingers rigidly through my hair. My eyes were squeezed shut as I concentrated desperately to expand my lungs and get a fucking grip, but I was failing miserably.

This is when I felt Bella's hand rub up and down my back tentatively. "Are you okay, honey?" Her voice was soft and tender and her hands moved gingerly to my hair.

And despite my fucked up condition, and while struggling to take a full breath, a goofy grin broke across my face.

She'd called me _honey_. Not _Edwud_, but _honey_.

I grabbed one of her hands, and squeezed it, trying to use it for leverage—to stop myself fucking shaking. "Bella, I-I need you to d-distract me."

I felt her body heat as she came toward me. My blood was running ice cold through my veins; it was so fucking foreign, especially with Bella beside me. She squeezed my hand and released it, circling her arm around my waist. Then with her free hand, she began to wipe my hair back—that was matted to my forehead. I cleared my mind and concentrated only on her. She leaned in and kissed me close to my ear, and again at my temple, keeping her lips pressed against my skin for a few moments. I took large uneven, rigid breaths, taking in the heat of her against my face, while attempting to use it to calm myself.

"Edward," she spoke softly against my ear. Her breath flooded me, making me feel slightly more off balance, but I held steadfast to her voice. "Remember what I told you at the bonfire, about what I wanted to give you?"

My breath caught and my heart leaped back into action, but I wasn't sure if I was hearing her correctly. I was half out cold and hanging on only by the timbre of her voice. I managed to groan out a pathetic excuse for a reply.

She kissed me again, on the side of my forehead. Her breath was wavering—she seemed to be trembling, but then I couldn't tell if it was me or her. Then her lips brushed softly back to my ear. "Well ... I want to give it to you ... _tonight_."

My breath stopped short, my fucking heart slammed to a halt and I was instantly buzzing and rock hard. I lifted my head sluggishly and met her gaze. She smiled at me; her eyes were blazing, deeply—intently. I just stared into them, in shock. I was as dizzy as all fuck, but I couldn't look away. I was drowning in them in an arousal driven, half-sick stupor, feeling the heat flood back through me until my skin began to burn cold.

I brought my hand up to her cheek and ran my fingers across her warm, supple skin. Tentatively, she moistened her lips and my eyes dropped and centered in on her mouth. I leaned towards her clumsily as my heart pounded without a break against my ribs. She reached up and tucked my hair behind my ear and just as her smile was tugging on her lips—just as her eyes met mine, I pulled her to me impulsively and kissed her.

I could feel the motion of the carriage dropping back down, and sway back and forth with our movement, but none of it had the effect on me that she did right then. I was lost in her, lost against her lips and the feel of her trembling body against mine, and all I wanted to do was kiss her. At one end, my dick was alive and fucking furious inside my pants, but my heart was swelling and choking me. I felt out of control and thrown off balance—all at once, and all for her.

This girl was it for me, there was never going to be anyone but Bella, and right at that moment nothing was clearer.

We were going up again, I felt the motion in the pit of my stomach, I felt the night air running over my ignited skin and carry Bella's hair across my face. I reached out and pushed it back gently, then pulled from her lips and planted a kiss softly on her forehead. I paused for a moment, grazing my nose across her skin and into her hair, before I took her lips in mine again. I was breathless and light headed but, as my lungs fought to expand, all I could focus on was the taste of her mouth, the smell of her hair and the feel of her hands as they ran over my face and neck and tangled in my hair.

I continued to be flooded with emotion; it was almost to the point that it was overwhelming me, and the only way I could process it was to keep holding her tight against me and keep the scent and feel of her skin filled in my lungs and beneath my fingers.

The carriage stopped again and swayed lightly in the breeze. I felt the temperature at the back of my neck; I knew we were at the top again, but the concept to be afraid was not penetrating my realm of consciousness. The fact was that I was literally bursting with Bella in my arms, with her soft lips pressed against mine, the feel of her body in my palms, and the physical urgency of all this combined was becoming almost overpowering. It all made my fucked up phobia irrelevant. She made it irrelevant.

I pulled back, sliding my nose with hers, allowing the smell of her to intoxicate me further. Whatever perfume she was wearing was freaking bringing me apart. I bent my head and pressed my lips tasting her skin just beneath her ear before dropping them to the delicate curve where her neck met her shoulders. She was quivering and I was suddenly feeling inundated again. I wrapped my arms around her back, pulling her tighter against me and merged my lips with hers all over again.

Opening her mouth to me, she kissed me deeply, completely drowning me in her. She kissed me and kissed me as little by little I lost myself in her. Then slowly, her hands, that were cupped around the back of my neck and in my hair, slid to my face, as her mouth closed, and she seemed to pause. With her lips stilled merged against mine, I felt them curve into a smile, before she pulled back fractionally as again her hot breath tingled out over my face.

"We forgot to get off," she murmured teasingly, chuckling softly.

"I don't want ... to get off," I whispered, my voice breaking and raspy as I pulled her back to kiss her.

Again she took it further; her face pressing against mine as she took me deeper into her. But eventually she pulled back, sighing breathlessly before bowing her forehead with mine. "We have to get off." Her voice was deep and husky; she brushed her nose with mine playfully.

"Mmmm," I mumbled, closing my eyes and running the tip of my nose along her cheekbone before I kissed the side of her face. I released her, wrapped my arm around her shoulders and sat back in the seat.

We were coming down. I glanced around me and immediately took a rigid breath in, feeling my muscles tense and lock up involuntarily. Bella grabbed my hand, brought it to her lips and kissed my knuckles gently before she turned and press her lips against my shoulder.

We stopped once, half way down. My heart picked up and began to pound again. I groaned inwardly, becoming pissed off and fucking dizzy again at the same time.

"Don't look down," Bella said softly, running her hand around to the back of my neck before she planted a gentle kiss on the side of my brow.

I turned my face and merged my mouth with hers, allowing her to kiss me in that slow, heated and freaking altogether too seductive way; allowing her soft and tender lips to completely conquer me all over again.

"Do you need me to distract you again?" she half mumbled half kissed me again, before parting her lips to again deepen it without waiting for my answer.

I made some gasping, vulnerable sound, engulfed again by her and by what she had promised me—what she was making me feel.

We reached the bottom; the guy came forward to unlock the gate, smirking at us mockingly. I grinned back at him, and must have looked as fucking drunk as I felt, because he snorted to himself and opened the gate for us to get off. Bella grabbed my hand and pulled me out, and with shaky, unsteady legs I let her lead me through the crowds.

When we were clear, I pulled her against me and headed toward a darkened, grassy area by the harbor. With each step I took, the more the energy shifted in me. And by the time I pressed her up against a tree in a dark corner and kissed her more intensely than I ever had previously, the current that was running through my veins and humming along my burning erection was pure physical desire, and hunger.

And I was a fucking eruption of it.

I had one hand in her hair, the other around her naked waist—exposed by her shirt that had inched higher up her stomach as her arms wrapped around my neck—while I was practically lifting her off the ground. I was letting it get away from us, but fuck me if I could stop. The primitive part of me that I'd been fighting ever since the first day I'd laid eyes on Bella had finally won out. I surrendered myself to it for the moment, letting myself get lost in her physically, because at the back of my mind I knew when I got her back to the hotel I'd have to be more in control. As much as she was responding to me, I knew she was nervous; she was trembling all over. I could feel it in her skin, in her arms that clung to me; it resonated against me, keeping me from fully succumbing to her. But she sure as hell didn't kiss like a virgin, and as charged up as I was she was a little too tempting.

I needed to get my bearings.

"Jesus ... Baby..." I groaned, pulling out of her mouth and fighting to take a breath.

She chuckled softly, partially beneath her breath, and pressed her hot lips to my face, slowly and over and over. "Edward..." she whispered with bated breath.

I kissed her once gently on the lips then loosened my arms around her as she slipped down to her feet.

Resting my chin on top of her head, I closed my eyes and let the buzzing energy calm a fraction as the grin took hold of me. She took a heavy breath and let it out making this sighing, moaning sound that was almost the end of me. Then she planted her lips at the bottom of my throat, and kissed me tenderly before she laid her head against my chest and sighed again.

With fumbling, shaking hands, I pulled my IPhone from my breast pocket and called Alice.

"Hey!" she yelled into the receiver before I could utter a word. "I met a cool group of people and they've invited me to a pub crawl after—you and Bella want to come?"

I was confused for a moment, trying to wrap my head around this person that was my sister. "Pub crawl? What? Are you completely mad?" I exclaimed, becoming impatient. "We're leaving."

"It's still early!" Her voice rose with annoyance.

"Alice, Bella and I are heading back. If you don't come in five minutes you can find your own way," I replied, my tone low and serious. I was being short with her but I was too fucking strung out to care.

She snorted. "Okay, okay, spare me the details. Where are you?"

"By the Ferris wheel."

She scoffed this time, smugly. "Get on did you? Wish I was there to take a snap shot. That wou—"

I ended the call abruptly and rolled my eyes, shaking my head to myself as I did. Bella was grinning to herself in amusement, her arms folded across her chest to protect herself from the cold air coming off the water.

I wrapped my arm around her, keeping her close to my soaring body heat and walked back toward the Ferris wheel.

**...**

"What the hell have you been doing? You look like death!" Alice exclaimed, a few minutes later, scrutinizing me with suspicion before her eyes narrowed and she brashly added, "I'm not going to be subjected to this at the hotel am I?"

"He went on the Ferris wheel," Bella answered for me, dismissing Alice's presumptions as if it was all very innocent.

Alice glanced at me with her brow raised. Her smirk was mocking, yet slightly impressed, before she turned back to Bella. "You do know he's deathly afraid of heights, don't you?"

Bella smiled to herself, flashing me a warm, tender look before answering, "Umm ... well, I do now."

Alice did one of her over dramatized eye rolls but, thankfully, remained silent.

We headed to the pier to catch the ferry back across the harbor, stopping once when Alice insisted we have our photo taken in front of the creepy smiling face of the entrance.

When the ferry docked, we were the only ones that bordered; it was the last of the day. Alice sat outside taking more pictures of the nighttime harbor while Bella and I sat inside the cabin. She was cold and, I was willing to wager, becoming more nervous by the minute.

We sat in silence for a few moments, while Bella played absently with my fingers as her trembling eased—reassuring me a little that she really was just cold. I kissed the side of her head tentatively and pulled her closer to me—despite the armrest that separated us.

"Have you always been afraid of heights?" she asked, breaking the silence, her tone soft.

"Mmm ... not always," I answered her simply. She brought my hand to her mouth and kissed the back of it gently, before turning to look at me. Her eyes were deep and endless again; I had no chance of knowing what she was feeling by looking into them. I elaborated, taking a deep, resigned breath before I began, "Just after my father died, I started having these reoccurring nightmares that I was falling. For about a year after, once a week, sometimes twice and always the same dream. We lived in Chicago, so one day Mom took Alice, Emmett and me to the top of the Sears Tower. I was okay until we got to the top and I looked down. I went completely nuts, then Alice started screaming; which only made me freak out more, thinking something bad was happening. Ever since ... well you've seen what happens," I mumbled, recalling how fucking pathetic I'd been and feeling my face flash with heat. I removed my arm from around her, subconsciously, and rubbed the back of my neck.

But with a huff, I shoved it from my mind and replaced my arm over Bella's shoulders again. When I turned to her, she was staring at me, her expression was serious and her eyebrows were bunched together close to those endless eyes of hers. She held my gaze for a moment, then smiled at me sadly. "Do you still have that dream?" she asked apprehensively.

I shook my head. "No, not really—rarely. Maybe once a year and always when I'm feeling crap about something." I shrugged and released my breath with a sigh.

She squeezed my hand, and then brought it to her lips again, caressing the back of it with the tip of her nose before she softly kissed it—almost as if she was distracted. Then she turned her eyes on me again. "I'm sorry, Edward—about your dad.

"Yeah," I mumbled, nodding my head slowly as that heavy feeling that was once a dominant part of my life crept up on my chest. I shrugged it off with an edge of impatience.

Bella was quiet for a moment, her focus on my hand as she rubbed it gently with her fingers. She looked up, her forehead knotting. "How did—" she began delicately before she cut herself off and looked down again.

I cleared my throat quietly. "A boat accident," I answered the question that she'd abandoned. It was hard; I didn't like thinking about it, let alone speaking it out loud. But Bella had let me see all the dark secrets of her past and it only seemed right that I did the same. "My dad and my Uncle were fishing, the ocean was pretty rough and their boat capsized," I paused and cleared the emotion that was building up in my throat, stubbornly. "He drowned."

I turned to her; she was staring up at me, her eyes remaining fathomless, her brow furrowed and stricken.

"Oh," was all she said, her voice barely a whisper, and despite myself, I broke into a small smile.

"It's okay, baby."

An affectionate smile lit up across her face before she rested her head against my shoulder. "I barely know my father," she confessed. Her voice wavered slightly, making my emotions immediately switch from frazzled to pissed off.

What I knew about her father, I'd learnt from Alice. He was in the navy and Bella—his daughter—seemed to be an inconvenience to him. I pushed the air angrily through my nose inadvertently, attracting Bella's attention.

"Hey"—she nudged me playfully—"no doing that face."

When I turned to her, she was doing that fucking smile and I realized how incredible she was. She was braver than I was, more resilient and she was in a lot more control. I curved my elbow around her neck, dragged her closer to me to kiss the side of her head. "Am I going to have to restrict your time with my freaky sister?" I teased her playfully before I buried my face into the wild mess of silk that was her hair and took a heavy breath.

She threaded her fingers through mine and rested our hands in my lap. "Edward, the reason why Alice can read you—why Jazz and Emmett can read you and why _I_ can read you is because every single emotion you feel, you wear on your face," she said lightly, but there was an edge of seriousness to her tone, as if it troubled her.

I contemplated this for a moment, breathing in the intoxicating scent of her hair, when Bella stood up, pulling me to my feet. I glanced around quickly realizing we were about to dock, as a sudden a burst of energy spread out from the pit of my stomach. My dick groaned behind the confines of my jeans, while goose bumps broke out over my naked arms. I dragged my fingers through my already assaulted hair, realizing my hands were freaking shaking.

I had the five minute walk between the dock and the hotel to get control of myself, because the energy generating in my dick was charging up every nerve ending in my body. I was a horny fucking wreck.

And apparently the whole world knew about it.

* * *

**A/N: You're a horny wreck, Edward? No one would have ever guessed...  
Edward on the ferris wheel I wrote from personal experience. I am deathly afraid of heights. I got brave once and went up the Centre Point Tower in Sydney, and had a major freak out. I plastered myself against the wall, hyperventilating, until a security guard hoisted me over his shoulder to carry me out. I was 18, and had my knickers flashing for all to see. The security guard was kinda hot, but as I tried not to puke over him, I didn't get a good perv in ;)**

**The next chapter made me so neurotic it literally took me 3 months to write. Shouldn't take me that long to upload it. Might do it tomorrow-will see how I feel =P**


	40. A Night in Sydney

**A/N: Nothing to see here, folks...**

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**Chapter 40**

**A Night in Sydney**

**Edward's POV**

Alice insisted on making us coffee, plonking them loudly down on the kitchen bench before she took her mug and cell and headed toward the door. "I'm going to the lobby to call Jazz," she explained a little too casually, making me want to groan aloud.

It was all kinds of fucked up that my sister was all too aware of what was going on. The fact that she tried to palm condoms off on me still made my skin openly crawl. Sometimes, I actually preferred Emmett and all his wiseass bullshit to her. At least he wasn't so fucking plugged in to my sex life.

She left the room, closing the door with over exaggerated indifference behind her. I turned to Bella with a long inward sigh. She was smiling slightly to herself and rubbing her forehead, her cheeks beginning to flush.

I cleared my throat and scratched the back of my head, wondering when and if I could ask her to go into the bedroom with me. It was suddenly really fucking awkward.

Not knowing what to say, I picked up my coffee with both hands and took a sip—grimacing because Alice made disgusting coffee. Bella did the same.

It dragged out like this for a couple of minutes, when Bella turned to face me. "Edward … do you want to just go in the …" she left it unspoken, her eyes flickering to her coffee, looking suddenly uncertain while her face all but burst into flames.

With a relieved sigh, I placed the mug of disgusting tasting crap down on the bench and turned back to her, holding out my hand. "Come on, baby."

She met my gaze, smiled warmly and took my hand. I slipped my fingers through hers, pulling her down off her stool with me, but after we took a few steps toward the bedroom, I stopped and scooped her up in my arms.

"What are you doing?" she asked me, her smile turning to a smirk as her brow bunched, almost cynically.

"I'm being romantic," I replied lightly.

She chuckled softly and rolled her eyes, placing her palm against my cheek. "You're a dag, but I love you."

I paused, almost jolted. This was the first time Bella had spoken this—first. "I love you too, Bella," I replied, the surprise of it reflecting in my voice. I kissed her lips softly, suddenly feeling all overcome again.

She kissed me back; it was almost a caress and only brief before she pressed those warm lips to my forehead. Her fingers moved lightly from my cheek where she tucked my hair behind my ear. Then snuggling into me, she allowed me to carry her into the bedroom.

With my elbow, I turned on the light switch and kicked the door closed behind us. I put Bella back down on her feet and she immediately went to her bag, knelt down and began rummaging around in it. I heard her fumbling with a box, and then the sound of half joined plastic tearing.

She stood up again and turned to me; her expression was serious and her eyes met mine, blazing with emotion. They were dark and the look in them brought me right back to the brink of control. She was nervous, but at the same time, those eyes of hers were reflecting a yearning that almost brought me apart.

I felt the grin pull at the corners of my mouth and motioned to her with my finger. She pulled in her bottom lip between her teeth, releasing it slowly as a small, almost teasing smile spread across her face. Then walking back over to me, she reached up, grabbed me by the back of my neck and pulled me down, pressing her parted mouth against mine. She was always taking me by surprise, and I almost lost my footing and fell on top of her.

Taking a hurried breath through my nose, I righting myself, then curving my arm around her waist, I pulled her tightly against me. She opened her mouth, kissing me more heatedly, while I became vaguely aware that her free hand was running awkwardly from my shoulder down my arm, where she clumsily placed the condom she was holding, in my hand. I took it from her, clutching it in my fist before wrapping my arm around her and lifting her off the ground.

Stupidly, it took me a moment to realize what she had given me.

She wrapped her legs around my waist and I carried her to the bed—uncoordinated as I became more and more lost by her lips; her hot, sweet tasting lips that controlled every freaking breath I took and every impulse within me.

"Edward?" she uttered breathlessly.

I hummed in reply before I took her mouth again.

"Turn … off the … light," she managed to say, barely a whisper. Her lips grazed against mine as she spoke, before she again pressed them to me deeply, just as a shudder rippled through her.

I turned back, stumbling blindly to the door where the switch was; eventually needing to pull myself from her mouth to see what I was doing.

We were instantly plunged into pitch darkness that suddenly drew attention to the heavy, urgent sound of our breathing, and Bella's trembling body in my arms.

"Bella?"

Her lips found mine again, before she started softly chuckling. "Better turn on the lamp."

"Baby, you're shaking."

I heard her inhale, just as her breath washed over my face. "So are you," she teased me. Her hands ran around my neck and into my hair, before she rested her lips on my forehead. "I'm okay, Edward," she said softly. Her tone was serious this time.

I carried her to the bed and laid her down, before I stretched out and fumbled for several seconds to switch on the lamp. The room was illuminated in a dimly lit glow. Placing the condom on the bedside table, I turned to her; I preferred being able to see her, being able to lose myself in her eyes.

I pulled her to me and laid us against the pillows in the middle of the bed. She snuggled against my side, her fingers running up and down my chest slowly. I sighed, drawing it out, before kissing the top of her head, letting my lips rest against her hair.

"Bella, at any time if you want to stop, let me know, okay?"

She tilted her head back to see me; her forehead was puckering into a frown and she blinked. "Are you trying to talk me out of this, Edward?"

I immediately shook my head, almost scoffing at how ridiculous that was. "No, but…" I paused for a moment, searching for the right words, "I'd hate that you woke up in the morning, realizing it was a mistake and hated me for it."

"Edward …" she began with a sigh before a small smile slowly grew on her lips, "I've tried hating you; I suck at it." She chuckled softly to herself, before pressing her lips against my chest to smother it.

I only grinned to myself, exhaling it shortly.

When she met my eyes again, there was no humor in them. "I'm ready—I promise. I want this to happen," she insisted, she was serious and her tone was honest—but still so vulnerable.

I took a deliberate breath, releasing it slowly, and nodded. "Okay," I murmured, planting a kiss on her forehead.

Her fingers continued trailing my chest again; this time she was deliberately tickling me. I tensed reflexively then grabbed her hand, kissed it quickly before I replaced it with her lips.

I kissed her tenderly, but briefly, sliding my nose to the other side and moving her tentatively on her back. When I merged my mouth with hers this time, she curled her hand around my neck, anchoring her lips to mine, pulling my chest flush with hers.

As I kissed her, as I moved my mouth with hers, she slowly parted her lips, and the more she opened her mouth to me, the more intense it became, until the taste and scent of her was filling me. I kissed her deeper, taking her further into me, while I began to strain furiously in my jeans, immediately wanting more.

The remaining part of my rationality decided to let Bella set the pace.

While her hands remained at the back of my neck, her fingers running through my hair, I locked my mouth to hers and found my hand searching for the hem of her shirt; craving the feel of her skin and wanting her in my hands. The minute I slid my palm on the soft skin of her stomach, I was burning; heat was prickling at the back of my neck while the heated temperature between us was scorching me. At the same time, Bella's entire body seemed to be humming with a current of electricity. I could feel the energy of it beneath my hand, and I wanted both my hands on her; I wanted her naked skin against me.

Cupping my hands around her sides, my fingers pressing into her skin, I pulled from her mouth and took a hasty breath. I closed my eyes for a moment, my face resting against hers gently, feeling the warmth of her breath against me. Planting a kiss on her cheek, I trailed my lips to her ear.

"Come here," I whispered to her huskily, before dragging my knees under me, and propping myself up on them, pulling Bella with me.

She stretched herself up on her knees so that she was level with me, and when her eyes slowly met mine, they were dark and blazing as her chest rose and fell against me. She slid one of her hands around the back of my neck and again pushed her fingers in my hair.

For a minute she just stared at me, her breathing becoming calm, before she smiled. I smiled back and leaned closer, my eyes flickering to her ruddy cheeks and finally to her mouth, before I covered it with mine.

She slowly opened her mouth, her tongue touching mine; it sent an immediate shudder through me. My breath hitched at the back of my throat while my straining erection roared out furiously. It was pulsating through me; angrily, fucking painfully.

A strangled groan escaped me, and as if spurred on by it, Bella kissed me more intensely, entering my mouth and taking me into hers. I crushed my mouth more to hers, pulling her tightly against me, while my hands, still beneath her shirt, inched slowly upwards.

I was on fire; I was burning, and at the same time, I knew if I didn't get some kind of release soon, I was going to fucking snap in half.

My hands continued to slide over her supple skin—despite the restriction of her tight fitting shirt—until I reached the swell of her clothed breasts.

Bella continued to tremble, her skin alive and humming, but the moment my hands covered her breasts, she jolted, the humming turning into a ripple that ran through her. Immediately unsure, I froze. She pulled from my lips as a staggering sigh blew out over my face.

"Don't stop," she whispered breathlessly, and when she leaned in to press her lips against mine again, she grabbed my shirt in her fists and tugged on it.

I withdrew my hands from underneath her shirt, gathered the hem, and peeled it tentatively up. She broke her lips from mine to allow me to slide it further up her chest and over her breasts, before lifting her arms as I pulled it completely over her head. Her hair spilled back over her naked shoulders, and reaching out, I moved it gently behind them. For a moment, I thought about dropping my face into it and taking the smell of it in, but as soon as my gaze focused on her chest, all thoughts of her hair faded from my mind.

She was wearing a black lace bra, and for a moment I couldn't tear my eyes from it. I watched it rise and fall with her chest, almost mesmerized. Blinking, I pulled my gaze away and let my eyes trail slowly down to the belly ring that glittered at her navel, before focusing again on her bra.

It was so fucking sexy that I almost didn't want to take it off.

I dropped my lips to the crook of her neck, my fingers delicately sliding the straps of her bra off her shoulders. I kissed her bare skin, over and over, tasting and inhaling the sweet tenderness of it as I trailed every curve with my nose. All the while, she continued to grip my shirt in her palms as her breathing became more and more shallow.

When I looked up and met her gaze, I was practically drunk on the sight of her. She only stared at me, with dark simmering eyes and flushed cheeks. I exhaled deeply, groaning beneath my breath with it before I again pressed my mouth to hers.

She was pulling my shirt up, but struggling; her hands running along my ribs, making me jolt and my muscles twitch reflexively. I grinned, snorting with it, and feeling Bella's mouth curve with mine. I pulled back and tore it over my head in one motion, before taking her in my arms and returning to her lips. I pressed her chest to mine, feeling her warmth and softness, but I still needed all of it.

My hands ran under her arms, to her back, where I attempted to unclasp her bra. I was blind and I had no fucking idea what I was doing, and for the life of me I couldn't find the fastener. I eventually severed contact with her mouth and peered over her shoulder to see what the hell I was doing.

There didn't seem to be a clasp at all.

I continued to yank and tug on it, thinking it was attached with Velcro or something, but the freaking thing refused to budge.

_Screw this shit!_

Becoming frustrated, I attempted, roughly, to pull it up. As the sound of the cotton strained, Bella, whose lips were resting hot on my shoulder, started chuckling.

"Edward … you undo it at the front," she murmured into my ear continuing to laugh softly, muffling it against my cheek.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair and breaking into a grin. "Sorry," I whispered to her, kissing her cheek, before gently drawing her back.

I stared at her bra again—slightly askew from my assault on it—with apprehension. I had no fucking idea how to get it undone, but it looked like it would involve a whole lot of groping. Just the thought made another surge of heat rush through my dick, making it fucking stand on end and almost bend in half in my jockeys. I blinked slowly, trying to prevent my inward groan from becoming audible while lifting my head to see Bella.

"Do you … want me…?"

She was nodding her head before I could finish. "Yeah," she replied, though her tone was barely a whisper and trembling slightly.

Taking a quick breath, and with shaking, clammy freaking hands, I reached over to where I imagined her bra was fastened together and attempted to undo it. I fumbled with it for a few seconds, but surprisingly it wasn't too difficult. I unclasped it then gently slipped the whole thing off her.

Bella sat kneeling before me, with her chest now completely naked. Her breathing began to hitch and for a moment I thought she might move to cover herself, but she didn't.

I stared at her breasts as if I was in a stupor. I think I started drooling and my aching-to-be-free dick was pushing all boundaries of my freaking sanity, but I couldn't deter my eyes away from them. They were fucking perfect—and delicate—and, just—oh God—fucking perfect!

Tentatively, I ran my fingers slowly across the right one, my thumb brushing over her nipple, before cupping my whole hand over it. I couldn't get over how soft it was; I wanted to plunge my whole face between them. However, goose bumps were beginning to spread out across Bella's arms and she began to visibly quiver.

I glanced up, quickly taking in her eyes. They were still unfathomably dark, but her whole expression was contradicting itself. She looked just as willing as she did uncertain.

With my hand still covering her breast—fuck I couldn't take it off it even if I wanted to—I curled my other around her naked back and pulled her against me. I kissed her lips, her cheek, her neck; savoring her. I was beginning to feel flustered and overwrought over how freaking aroused I was.

"Jesus-fucking-Christ, Bella—you're so beautiful!" I exclaimed, practically gasping for breath. My heart was plunging in my chest; I was completely drunk on her.

I pulled my hand from around her back and placed it gingerly over her other breast as I connected my mouth to hers. I squeezed gently, feeling her heart beneath my hands, rapid and loud. Her chest was heaving and crashing against mine as her heated breath filled my mouth and washed over my face. I kissed her with more intensity; always with the need to get closer—to feel her closer.

She made a soft, breathless humming sound against my lips. Every sound she made, every kiss she gave me and every single thing her hands did had my freaking dick throbbing harder and burning hotter. I was beginning to realize that if I didn't get some fucking relief from the confines of my jeans soon, I'd explode.

My hands eventually moved around to her back, where I pressed her naked torso tight against mine. This is when I felt her hands slide meticulously down my sides and her fingers slip beneath the waist of my jeans. My muscles tensed involuntarily, while her touch ignited a fire in my skin. I dragged my mouth from hers, bending to press my lips again her shoulder, struggling to catch my breath.

The temperature between our molded bodies seemed to be increasing. I felt like I was roasting and was beginning to feel beads of sweat form on my forehead and at the back of my neck.

I released my arms from around her and she pulled back just as her hands found their way to the front of my jeans. She bowed her head and rested it on my chest while her fingers gingerly worked to undo the button and zip.

The instant my pants were open, I felt myself spring forward, and the pure relief of it caused a low, suppressed groan to escape my mouth. I dropped my face into Bella's hair, gathering it up in my hands reflexively, squeezing my eyes shut. The motion of it almost caused me to blow my fucking load, and it took all my concentration to pull myself back.

Slowly she lifted her head to look at me; my nose and lips grazing down her face until her parted mouth caught mine. She kissed me once, deep and tenderly, pulling back and softly breathing out my name before our lips connected once again.

Curving my hands around her hips, I brought her closer to me, and found myself immediately digging into her lower stomach. The friction of it was like a buzz of electricity shooting through my veins. I flinched and shuddered, making some fucking primitive sound behind her mouth.

My jeans had fallen down around my knees, and while allowing Bella to continue kissing me, I attempted to kick my shoes and socks off. She eventually stopped, her soft laughter feeling almost cool against me.

"Do you want me to help?" she whispered coyly in my ear.

"When I'm done, I'm starting on you," I replied, teasing her, before reaching awkwardly behind me. I eventually managed to pull my socks off, throwing them over the side of the bed.

With my jeans slipping further down my legs, I took Bella by the shoulders and laid her gently back against the pillows. Her cheeks were stained deeply, her eyes were glazed, but she continued to tremble. And as she settled back against the cushions, she covered her bare chest with her arms.

Inwardly I sighed; it bothered me that she was so nervous, but it was only natural that she'd feel this way, and I knew I had to put it out of my mind to a certain extent.

I leaned toward her, taking her hands and gently prying them away from her chest before I positioned myself over her. I kissed her softly on her closed, pouty lips, keeping her hands clasped in mine.

"Relax, baby. Okay?" I mumbled, brushing against her swollen lips.

She mumbled a barely audible reply, nodding slightly.

I pressed my lips softly to hers one more time before slowly trailing my nose delicately over her chin and down her neck. I kissed the soft incline at the base of her throat, feeling her pulse reverberate against my lips, fast and steady, before I ventured further down. She tensed a little and her breath hitched; I slowed down, pausing to kiss her between the swell of her breasts, where the feel of them completely clouded my mind for a moment.

Still holding her hands in mine, I threaded our fingers together. This seemed to relax her a fraction, but she was still so much on edge despite my best attempts to calm her.

Releasing her hands, I shuffled down, running my nose over the soft skin of her stomach until I reached the waist of her jeans. I pulled myself back to my knees and carefully unbuttoned them. I immediately caught a glimpse of her pink polka dot underwear, as a surge of fire shot straight into my already red, hot dick making me falter for a moment. I tore my eyes away, my mind forming around what was beneath them, and as I slipped off the bed, I forced myself to recite our baseball lineup beneath my breath.

Kneeling down, I took off her shoes and socks. My hands were all out shaking, making it nearly impossible. When I was done, I stood back up, and my jeans slipped down to my ankles. I immediately lost my footing and went over backwards.

"Oh crap!" I uttered in reflex, just as I landed flat on my ass.

Bella burst out laughing then scrambled to the edge of the bed on her stomach.

"You okay?" she asked me with wide eyes, trying to keep a straight face.

I sat myself up and grinned at her sheepishly. "I'll survive," I mumbled kicking off my jeans and getting to my feet; scratching the back of my head and feeling like a dick.

When I looked down at her again, I realized she was staring at me, her eyes wandering down to the fact that I was standing practically naked with one huge, obvious boner straining through my jockeys. In fact, she was gazing at me so intently that it almost made me feel self-conscious, and I very nearly subconsciously covered myself in my hands. It was the way heat flooded to flush her cheeks that I didn't, and by the time her eyes slowly rose to meet mine again, she took in the top half of my body with as much intensity; they were ignited and endless and a small wry smile was hinting on her lips.

With a grin breaking across my face, I crawled back on the bed. Taking her in my arms, I laid her back and planted my lips gently over hers. She circled her arms around my back, one curling over my shoulder, before parting her mouth and kissing me again, deeply. The heat immediately returned to my body, but I pulled away from her lips, remembering that I had unfinished business. Her arms slipped from around me, and again I knelt myself on my knees and shuffled myself down the bed with her between my legs.

Delicately, I slid my fingers beneath the waist of her jeans and peeled them from her. They were tight fitting and in the process, I almost pulled down her underwear. They gathered at her hips, just as an internal shudder ran through my veins. I closed my eyes for a moment, but suddenly found that my lips were pressing themselves high on her thigh and then again, just above the band of her underwear.

Her skin was warm, and the fact that she suddenly shivered was the only thing that snapped my focus back to her and away from her body.

Enfolding her small, trembling body in my arms, I pulled back the covers of the bed. I could feel the goose bumps covering her skin, yet she felt so incredibly warm at the same time.

This seemed to be typical when it came to Bella. She always seemed torn right down the middle, fighting an internal battle with me.

I wrapped the blankets over us, telling myself repeatedly that she was nervous and nothing else. Her body continued to quiver; her skin seeming like it was humming again. I pulled her tightly against my chest, and held her for a moment. I needed the time to get complete control of myself before we continued, but the feel of her naked skin pressing against mine did little to restrain the beast within me.

She buried her face into my chest, before kissing my neck, then pressing her lips to my shoulder tenderly.

"I don't want you to hold back, Edward," she whispered, hotly against my skin, before again replacing it with her lips.

I took a short, shallow breath, forcing back the fucked up groan, before I cupped her face to anchor her mouth further against mine. Again, she immediately deepened it, opening her lips with mine, while her hands ran over my shoulders and into my hair. I pulled her against me tightly, before my hand found the warm, softness of one of her breasts. I cupped my palm fully around it, expecting her to tense or pull back, but she melted against me, taking a hurried breath through her nose and took a grip of my hair in her fists.

Moving my hand further down her side, almost too hastily, I leaned my weight more against her. When I reached the waist of her underwear, I slowed. Then slipping my fingers beneath the cotton material, I inched them down her hips, my knuckles dragging against the heated smoothness of her skin.

When I got her underwear completely down, Bella pulled from my mouth, reached down, squirming against me as she did, and pulled them completely off.

After she tossed them over the side of the bed, she turned to me and her smile turned almost devious. She leaned in and kissed me, while her hands trailed down my stomach to the front of my jockeys.

What she did next almost killed me.

She yanked my underwear down in one motion, the elastic waist of them catching my dick and pulling it almost vertical. It sprang back up violently, smacking me in the stomach and making me openly flinch as an impulsive, choked up groan exploded from me.

"Oh God, Jesus…" I croaked out tightly, as my hands, almost instinctively, flew down to protect myself from anymore of her enthusiasm.

She gasped anxiously. "Oh, Edward—I'm so sorry!"

I could only imagine her expression; my eyes were clamped shut, while I waited for my tortured dick to stop pounding! I groaned again, softly, and took a deep breath.

"It's okay, baby." My voice was tight.

Bella's lips pressed gently against my cheek, before she burst into soft, muffled laughter.

"I'm sorry, Edward," she repeated, her tone warm and apologetic. "Did I maim you?"

"No," I replied lightly, removing my hands from myself and curving them around her waist. I nuzzled my face into the crook of her neck and took another deep breath. "Just file that one away for future reference."

She chuckled again softly and nodded while her foot began to run up my leg. I paused for a moment, curious. She then used it to drag my jockeys completely off me.

I kissed her, merging my lips with hers tenderly and pulling her tighter against me. I was stabbing her hard in the softness of her lower stomach. The friction was like fire, causing a shuddering energy to flow through me. Yet, I continued to kiss her softly; my mouth parted only to take her lips between mine.

I kissed her cheek, her jaw, her neck, tasting her skin repeatedly before returning to her lips, where she took control.

Her arms were wrapped tightly around my neck, while my hand inched slowly down her side, over her hips and thigh to the back of her knee. Pulling her leg gingerly over me, I rolled into her, completely on top of her.

I was suddenly grinding almost painfully against the burning center of her. The heat generating from her caused a rush of sensation to engulf me. Without thinking, I almost pushed myself into her when I suddenly realized, and just as Bella severed our lips to remind me.

"Edward—" she said breathlessly, an anxious edge to her tone.

I was nodding before she could finish. "I know. Hang on a minute, baby."

I pushed myself back on my knees then leaned over and grabbed the condom off the bedside table. Tearing into it, I rolled it over myself a little too hastily. My dick by that point was so sensitive that it jerked and almost physically jarred me.

I was starting to get anxious about how long I could possibly hold out.

Impatiently shoving that thought aside, I moved my focus back to Bella. Leaning down to her tentatively, she curled her hand around my neck, easing me back on top of her.

Resting my elbows on either side of her, I gazed at her for a moment. Her cheeks were burning and her eyes were completely endless, and it didn't escape my attention that there was an element of fear reflecting in them. And as if to validate it, she bit down nervously on her bottom lip.

I cupped my hand to her cheek and planted my lips softly over hers before resting them on her forehead.

"You okay?"

She nodded and whispered in reply, "I'm okay."

When I pulled back to meet her eyes again, they were resolute and her hesitation began to fade. With her hand still at the back of my neck, she pulled me to her lips.

"No … worrying about me … Edward," she breathed, continuing to kiss me and taking more of me into her each time.

I moaned my stifled reply into her mouth.

Leaning on one elbow, I took her leg with my free hand and wrapped it around my hips. She moved her other leg over me, and I shifted myself so that I was positioned directly between her legs.

Bella tensed, her lips pausing, while keeping them merged with mine. She sighed deeply, her warm breath rushing from her nose and engulfing me. I felt her relax again, before her arms tightened around me, pulling my chest flush with hers.

Conscious to be as gentle as possible, I pushed myself into her and was immediately restricted. With a bit more pressure, I pushed past it and slipped fully and completely inside her.

She sucked her breath in sharply, almost crying out, as her hands released from around me and pushed against my chest.

She was completely rigid, her inner muscles clamped around every inch of me and the temperature within her was almost boiling. A choked, gasping breath left me. I dropped my head into her neck and tensed up with her, groaning inwardly.

It was absolute torture and I was torn over fighting to stop myself from exploding then and there, and worrying that I had just seriously hurt her.

I pulled myself up by my hands and looked down at her; her eyes were tightly shut and her face was creased in pain. Her hands were still wedged into my chest, pushing against me, while every muscle in her body was locked up and clenched around me.

"Hey," I said softly, my voice tight, while I continued to struggle against the burning sensation of being inside her. Her eyes opened slowly, before her forehead puckered with discomfort. "Do you want me to stop?"

She shook her head, her hands relaxing against me, before she wrapped them tentatively over my shoulders. "No," she whispered, "just give me a minute."

I dropped my lips to her forehead. "You let me know, okay, baby. Just try and relax."

She nodded again then shifted slightly and her inner walls squeezed tighter around me. I groaned lowly, taking another restricted breath through it. I was breaking into a freaking sweat; I could feel it beginning to trickle down my back.

I was blazing, but it was nothing to the heat within her.

Wrapping her hand around my neck, she pulled me down. I lowered myself to rest on my elbows careful not to lay my full weight on her.

She kissed me softly, before resting her lips against my ear. "Ok, I think I'm ready."

I kissed her briefly, pressing my lips to hers gently before pulling back a fraction and kissing her more deeply. Gently and tenderly, over and over. I let her lead; I allowed her to intensify it, which she did, and slowly the rigidness to her body eased and the muscles that held me locked inside her released me a little.

I felt the heat return to flush her chest and face and begin to burn in her lips. I relaxed my hips fully against her, and slowly I moved. She immediately clamped back around me, flinching, but with a deep breath, she was able to relax again against me.

It took the wind out of me, but it helped me focus more on her and away from the fact that I was completely amped and on the edge.

"Don't stop," she whispered against my mouth.

I brought my elbows close to her head, and ran my fingers through her hair. She released my lips and grabbed my hands, threading her fingers through mine and squeezing lightly.

I pulled back, only slightly, and eased myself back down gently, pausing before moving again. I was almost cautious, always conscious of her and the fact that every little bit of friction made me practically implode.

I focused on taking it slow and gentle; each time moving further out, and reading her to keep that last bit of control over myself.

Her eyes remained closed, but as I kept my forehead resting with hers, she stretched up to kiss my lips briefly. Her breath was tight, but deep, adding to the warmth between us. She released one of my hands to run her fingers through my hair at the back of my neck, holding me tight.

I stayed conscious to all of it and was able to get Bella to the point where I could pull almost all the way out then completely enter her again without her tensing up in pain. The fact that I could get myself to that point was because I kept my focus on her and not the sensation her body was bringing out in me. I pushed my face into the crook of her neck, staying completely aware of every small reaction she had and pushing back the urge to succumb to her.

I was struggling.

The sweat was beginning to pour down my forehead, and my arms began to quake from the weight they were supporting. With every movement I made, I became more and more charged, barely hanging on, barely able to breathe and just wanting to surrender myself.

I pulled out and then ground myself back into her, too hard and unintentionally.

Bella's breath caught at the back of her throat. "Edward," she gasped, barely audible.

A low, fucked up groan burst from me and every muscle within me locked up. I took a forced, tortured breath, pulled out of her completely, sliding myself back into her again with more pressure.

Oh, Jesus, I was going to die!

My body began shuddering, burning—fucking twitching. "Oh, God—Jesus, fuck!" I pushed myself deeply in her, uttered a breathless sounding groan and came in one huge fucked up explosion that ripped me completely to shreds.

Collapsing on top of her, I kissed her clumsily on the side of her face and attempted to catch my breath. My heart was hammering, pounding through me to the surface of my skin, as the charge slowly went out of me. I was almost literally wet and trembling so freaking much I felt like I was in shock.

Bella's arms gently snaked around me, holding me to her almost protectively while I rose up and down as her breathing calmed.

Eventually, I rolled off her carefully and pulled her into my arms with a deep, exhausted sigh. She snuggled against me and laid her head on my chest. She was quiet and the only sound between us was the sound of our breathing as it began to slow.

My heart continued to rock us almost physically, so much so that Bella flattened her palm against my chest as if to feel it. I grabbed her hand and brought it to my lips. I could feel her pulse racing at her wrist while a light sheen of sweat covered her entire arm. In fact, her whole body was hot and silky against mine. I pulled her tighter to me and she released my hand and ran it over my shoulder and around my neck, where she absently curled my hair around her fingers.

Just when I was getting worried that she was too quiet, while my mind started conjuring reasons why, she spoke; her voice breaking gently as if she was close to tears. "I love you, Edward." She tilted her head back and planted her lips so freaking softly, just below my jaw.

"I love you too, Baby. Are you okay—did I hurt you?" I asked her gently, burying my nose and lips into her hair and taking the smell of it into my lungs.

She shook her head slightly. "No, you didn't hurt me," she answered before she released her breath heavily and snuggled further into me.

I wasn't altogether convinced, but I didn't press her on it. Wrapping my arms more securely around her, I turned my head and rested my lips against her brow, taking an exhausted breath. I was almost literally buzzing, but at the same time I was fucked.

We lay quietly for several minutes as our bodies slowly cooled. Bella was absently running her fingers up and down my chest, when she suddenly exhaled quickly through her nose, her chest jerking as if she was fighting the urge to laugh.

"What?" I coaxed her, curious.

"Are you sure_ you're_ okay?" Her tone was lighter this time and I could almost see the smile growing across her face.

I grinned, chuckling softly. "I'm okay."

There was a sudden knock at the door, which made Bella jump in surprise. I instinctively yanked the blankets up to cover us.

"Alice, don't come in!" I raised my voice, instantly annoyed.

Even from the other side of the door I heard the little rat scoff to herself. "Yeah sure—if I wanted to bleed from my eyes."

"What the hell do you want, Alice?" I demanded.

"Mom just rang. Our plane leaves tomorrow morning at nine."

"Okay, thanks."

"Goodnight,_ lovelings_," she replied teasingly, her tone slightly sarcastic.

Bella chuckled half under her breath and I rolled my eyes with a short sigh.

I pulled the blanket back down from us—the temperature already beginning to become uncomfortable—before I ran a hand over my forehead and through my semi-damp hair. Bella then reached over and wiped my brow teasingly, laughing lightly.

"Edward, it's a wonder you don't dehydrate," she said softly, her tone affectionate as a warm smile broke across her face. She planted a soft kiss on my shoulder before licking her lips. "You're all salty." So she decided to start kissing and tasting the rest of my skin, and fuck me if it didn't make me horny again.

My skin was beginning to tingle, but at the same time she was tickling me. Cringing away from her, I plunged my face into the crook of her neck, smothering my laughter. Inhaling the scent of her damp skin deeply, I pressed my lips against her neck.

"So are you," I murmured, before laying my head back on the pillow and kissing her forehead. "You tired?"

She released her breath into a humming sigh and curled her legs around mine. "Yeah…"

Reaching down, I pulled the sheet over us, leaving the blankets, before I reached over and switched off the lamp.

The room was immersed into darkness, making my eyes suddenly feel very heavy. "Good night, baby," I mumbled.

"Goodnight, crocodile," she replied sleepily, curling her arm around my waist just as a shuddering yawn left her.

"Love you, alligator."

"Sappy."

I chuckled softly. "Shut up and go to sleep."

After several minutes, and just as I was on the cusp of sleep, Bella's small voice piped up, "Edward?"

"Hmmm?"

"You're not a dud root."

* * *

**A/N: Gawd, so cheesy right? This chapter turned me into a basket case...**


	41. The General

**A/N: Cue Bella's old man.**

* * *

**Chapter 41**

**The General**

**Bella's POV**

I was exhausted. Physically my body ached while I was plagued with a sleep deprived weariness. But at the same time, I was literally overflowing with an magnetizing energy that was coursing through my veins.

I couldn't remember the last time I'd slept a full night, and over the last two weeks I'd barely slept at all. But at the moment, ten hours into the flight back to the United States, and after no more than three hours sleep the night before, I felt like my entire body of skin was buzzing. I was desperately craving sleep, but I couldn't throw off the adrenalin and succumb to it.

Edward on the other hand was mellow, and he looked like he could sleep for a week. This was despite the fact that he was obviously struggling with his fear of heights. It was evident to me now that he wasn't too keen on flying, but at the moment he was disguising it well.

Actually, it was kind of strange to see him so relaxed. He too over the last couple of weeks had been constantly on edge and tense. I don't think I'd seen him go an hour without reefing his fingers through his hair, or having a very obvious internal fight with his emotions. Then, for such a short time of being a couple, I'd put him through an awful lot. But he'd remained rock solid, and right then I didn't think it was possible to love anyone more.

It was hard to believe that just a few short months ago I'd honestly believed that he was completely wrong for me. Back then, I would never have believed I would come to depend on him for so much, that he was such a selfless and caring person; and that he would be the only person who could look into my eyes and erase seventeen years' worth of irrelevance with just a single smile.

He sat in the aisle seat resting his elbow on the armrest with his hand cupped around his chin, listening to me chatting with Alice with a warm, sleepy grin on his face. His eyes were red rimmed and bloodshot, and he kept closing them as if he was going to doze off. Instead, he'd take a deep breath and release it, almost groaning to himself with exhaustion before the smile would slowly return to his face.

Alice, on the other side of me, could barely look at him without openly rolling her eyes, while simultaneously trying to prevent the smile from twitching at her lips. She wasn't successful, and it soon turned all knowing. Edward eventually scoffed at her, good-naturedly, before wrapping his arm over my shoulders and drawing me against him.

I rested my head against his chest, taking a heavy breath, before I looked up at him. He was rubbing his eyes with his fingertips, his brow heavily creased.

"Try and get some sleep, Edward," I said with a sigh. He looked terrible.

"Believe me, when I get home, I'll sleep for a year," he replied with a croaky, husky voice.

I snuggled further against him, grabbing his hand and threading my fingers with his, idly playing with them. "Hmm…" I mumbled in agreement. "So long as you jump on your tricycle and come and visit me from time to time," I teased him.

He exhaled shortly into an exhausted kind of chuckling. It reverberated from his chest, rocking me as I lay against him. "Bicycle shame, still, Bella?" he replied, pressing his face into my hair and taking a deep breath.

"I kind of always wanted a ride in your Volvo," I turned and whispered against the heated skin of his neck.

He released his breath, humming along with it. "It's scrap metal."

"Yeah … it was my failed attempt to kill you," I replied lightly, before pressing my lips to the soft skin of his neck and closing my eyes.

He chuckled again, muffling it against the top of my head as a wave of exhaustion washed over me. I slumped heavily against his chest, trying to throw it off with a frustrated groan. A moment later I pulled out of his arms, knowing the warmth of his embrace would eventually lull me off to sleep.

"You can sleep, baby. I'll watch the movie," he offered.

I smiled at him warmly and shook my head. "No … I'm okay."

No matter how exhausted I was, I refused to entertain the thought of sleeping while Edward was unable to. He'd been there for me every moment of every day while I was struggling to deal with Kel's death. I was determined to pay it all back and more to him.

**...**

After a further five hours, three inflight movies, while adding fifty minutes of circling the landing strip while the rain abated—totalling almost sixteen hours in the air—we arrived at Los Angeles airport. Amazingly, Edward and I both managed to stay awake, though with Alice beside us snoring loudly, it wasn't that hard to fathom why.

By the time we made it into the terminal, I wasn't sure if I was holding up Edward, or he was holding up me. He held me against him tucked under his arm, but he was quickly becoming heavy, and as I endeavoured to keep us both on our feet, my knees began buckling.

Alice, who was annoyingly full of energy, led us to a Starbucks café. As we approached, I just stared at the sign with one huge sense of déjà vu. It was the very same café where Jake and I had sat, reconnecting with each other the previous March. It seemed so surreal at that moment. I felt like I had lived six years in the past six months and I was still only half way there.

Edward and I sat slumped against one another in a corner booth while Alice went and ordered our coffee, making a loud, enthusiastic phone call to Jazz while she waited. But by the time she skipped back over to us, carrying three tall cups of coffee, Edward was out cold and I wasn't far behind him.

"Bella, you've killed Edward," she teased me, shaking her head to herself as she placed the coffee on the table.

I laughed, it sounded delirious in my exhaustion. "I finally succeeded." And with that, my head fell into my folded arms and it was lights out.

My recognition kicked back in as we were about to land at Port Angeles. I woke up in Edward's toasty warm arms, flustered then angry with myself that I'd fallen asleep, while having absolutely no memory of getting on the plane.

"We're almost there, Bella," Edward spoke, and I had to look up at him to make sure that the exhausted, croaky voice had come from him. I didn't recognize it.

I met his gaze, and the concern I felt for him gushed out of me into a deep sigh. His eyes were burning his irises an intense, emerald green, while I could barely see the whites of his eyes through the maze of blood vessels.

"Sorry I fell asleep," I said softly, tugging him into my arms as my heart weighed down with guilt.

He chuckled, or more made an exhausted, breathy sound against the side of my neck as he laid his head on my shoulder. "It's okay; you can distract me for the landing. I hate landing."

So I did, gladly, willingly, murmuring future promises into his ear, making his eyes widen and his skin burn hotter, until the plane came to a complete stop and the seatbelt sign flashed above our heads.

**...**

I had spoken to Jake before we'd left for Sydney airport, and he'd told me he was going to meet me at Port Angeles. He'd left it at that, and I had taken no notice of the overly enthusiastic tone to his voice; that's how he always sounded. So, as I walked into the airport lounge with Edward's sultry hand wrapped around mine, and with my energy returning with the excitement of finally being home, I glanced eagerly around for him.

"_JAZZY_!" Alice suddenly squealed beside me.

I glanced over to see her leap straight into Jazz's out stretched arms, and kiss him repeatedly, while Jazz laughed and tried to intercept her lips with his.

I felt the smile warm my face before it turned into a full-blown grin as my eyes met with the unmistakable sunny face of my hulking cousin.

But with his hand still clutching mine, I felt Edward notably tense and his grip squeeze tighter around my fingers. I glanced up at him; he was staring straight ahead, his expression hard and darkening. I gazed at him for a moment, feeling my confusion begin to turn to impatience as he continued to stare fixedly, the muscles in his jaw set.

I thought all the crap with Jacob was over.

"Edward?" I asked, my tone rising higher, while I sought out Jacob again. I wasn't sure whether I was misreading Edward or if Jacob was provoking something, but when I met Jake's gaze again, I realised he wasn't looking at Edward at all; his eyes were on me and his bright, sunny expression had not wavered.

I grinned back, sighing a little with relief, before my eyes met with a second pair of dark eyes that I initially thought were Uncle Billy's. I grinned back broadly, taking in the face that warmly returned it, when I froze, the air squeezing from my lungs.

It … it wasn't Uncle Billy, it was The General!

Something like a half gasp, half sob rose up from my throat, and in the next instant I was running toward him, where he immediately engulfed me into his huge, bear-like arms.

"Charlie …" I whispered in disbelief, tightening my arms around him, "you're here."

He cleared his throat before planting a gruff kiss on my cheek and releasing me from his arms. "How are you, Isabella?"

"I'm … I'm fine," I answered softly. I was about to crumble; my heart was hammering, and I could feel the burning of tears building behind my eyes.

His smile turned tender before he reached out and caressed my cheek. "Let's get you home."

Home…

I nodded, hastily swatting away my tears, and trying to calm my heart, when I was literally heaved off the ground by Jake. "Jeez I missed ya, Bells!" he exclaimed. "It wasn't the same without ya!"

I laughed, struggling to catch my breath. "You too, cuz," I replied warmly. "Just let me get my bag from Edward and we can catch up."

When Jake released me, I turned to find Edward, quickly spotting him with Esme and Carlisle; he was still carrying my suitcase. As I approached him on shaky legs, he met my gaze, a gentle smile curving on his lips. All traces of that previous hostility had vanished, I noticed with relief, telling myself I'd obviously misconstrued it.

He took me into his arms, engulfing me. "Get lots of sleep, Bella." The words came out as a breathy murmur as his lips gently brushed against my cheek.

"You too," I replied, turning my face to press my lips against his skin and sighing. "Thank you … so much for coming with me, Edward," I said softly as my voice threatened to break.

"Wherever you go, Bella, I'll follow," he said, his tone dropping gently, before his lips found the side of my head.

I pulled from his arms, then grabbed his hand. "Come and meet my father?"

He tensed again, his lips pressing together as an unmistakable frown darkened his features. "No …" he shook his head lightly, "later—o-kay?" His tone was harder, made obvious by the fact that he had to clear his throat to soften it again. "I'll call you soon."

He handed me my suitcase, and I took it, my eyes not deviating from his. I felt my brow crease so heavily in confusion that it ached. I opened my mouth to reply, to ask him what the hell was wrong, when from the corner of my eye I spotted Esme.

"Bella, sweetheart," was all she said as she took me gently into her arms.

"H-hi, Mrs. Cullen," I stammered.

Next it was Alice that was embracing me, then it was Jasper; effectively distracting me from what was happening with Edward.

"Bella, I got one for ya?" Jazz said to me with a huge toothy grin.

"Huh?" I replied blankly.

He elaborated, "Two Aussie cattle drovers are standing in an Outback bar.  
One asked, "What are you up to, Mate?"  
"Ahh, I'm takin' a mob of six thousand from Goondiwindi to Gympie."  
"Oh yeah ... and what route are you takin'?"  
"Ah, probably the Missus; after all, she stuck by me durin' the drought.""

"I … I don't understand that?" Esme spoke up puzzled, just as Alice burst into laughter.

I chuckled shortly—wryly. "That's actually pretty good, Jazz. Have you been googling?"

"Bloody oath!"

I only shook my head with an easy going grin, when Alice suddenly exclaimed, "Bella, is that your dad? Holy hell, you look exactly like him!"

I turned back to the General, feeling my chest swell with pride. "Yeah."

"We'll let you catch up with him. I'll see you soon." Alice turned her gaze back to me, her face warming with affection.

I grabbed her impulsively, wrapping my arms tightly around her slim shoulders. "Alice—I don't know what I would have done if you and Edward didn't come with me. I don't know how to ever thank you."

My emotions were all over the place. I felt completely overwhelmed by everything, yet still unable to properly comprehend it all.

Alice only hugged me back earnestly. "It was _so _my pleasure, Bella. You are my _best mate,_ after all."

I half chuckled, softly, trying to prevent myself from falling apart. When she released me, I turned around to look for Edward; he wasn't there. I felt my stomach tighten with nervous energy before I exhaled heavily, feeling my shoulders fall a little with it.

I hated feeling panicky again where Edward was concerned. I thought we were past all that.

I picked up my suitcase and headed back to where my father and Jake were waiting for me.

**...**

It took longer than it should have to nod off in the car back to Uncle Billy's—even after Jake stopped chatting to me. I couldn't throw off the uneasy feeling about Edward's sudden shift in behaviour, and the more I went over it in my mind, the more I became convinced that it was because of The General.

But Why?

Eventually sheer exhaustion and nothing else won out. When I woke up, I was snuggled in my bed with only vague memories of being carried from the car.

It was the rap song blasting from my mobile that woke me. I pulled myself groggily from under the covers, rubbing my eyes heavily, and retrieved it from inside my bag, glancing absently at the time on my clock radio.

It was almost midday. I'd slept twenty hours!

I clicked open my messages to see Edward's name.

**Hey, baby. Hope you slept well. Take it easy, I'll see you tomorrow. Love you x**

My grin had taken over my expression before I could even properly read his message; with the uneasy feeling completely gone. I found it so hard to comprehend anything from the night before, that I doubted my take on things could be reliable anyway. And I was more than happy to let it go.

**I slept like a baby—so not like me. How about you? Love you too. Bella xoxo**, I hastily texted Edward back, grinning to myself like a loon while my fingers spelled it out.

He replied not a minute later, **OK, but I kind of missed you waking me up 10 times a night.**

My grin turned affectionate; I shook my head lightly to myself.

I missed it too.

It had been almost two days since that hotel room in Sydney, and despite the tender, aching feeling that had plagued me ever since, my skin was still alive with him. It tingled with the memory of his touch, while the scent of him was seeped into my pores. My hands, my hair, my clothes still held Edward's smell and I didn't want to erase it. I knew we'd make other memories together that would remain with me, but my last night in Australia with Edward was something I wanted to hold onto forever.

As I showered, reluctantly washing him from me, memories of that night replayed repeatedly in my mind. The physical energy residing beneath my skin because of him began pulsating to the surface, while the emotion I felt over it kept me completely charged. Every particle of me was alight, and my heart felt almost literally engulfed. With everything that I'd experienced over the last two weeks, it was beginning to feel overwhelming, and I had a very strong urge to succumb to tears.

It was 1:00 pm when I finally retreated downstairs. Uncle Billy, Jacob and my father, who were all in the living room watching TV, collectively looked toward me as I approached.

"You're alive, Bells," Jacob exclaimed with a broad grin as The General rose from his chair.

I turned to my father with the same intense and inundating emotion as I had the night before. It simply seemed too unbelievable that he was here. Even as he walked over and took me in his arms, I fought the reality of it; finding it so hard to fathom.

"Did you sleep well, Isabella?" he asked, planting a kiss on the side of my face.

It was a strange kind of affection that he expressed; even a hug to Charlie was a formality. But as I laid my cheek against his chest, feeling a flood of emotion begin to chip away at me, I wasn't going to complain. My father was here and just then life for me was as complete as it was ever likely to get.

"Yes," I replied softly.

"It will take time," he added in a gentler tone before he released me.

I nodded hastily, feeling for a moment that my face was going to crumble behind the swelling of emotion. I was both so immensely happy, overwhelmed, yet still so crushed by Kel's death that it felt like my heart was torn and drowning under the weight of it.

I was just collecting myself, when Uncle Billy pulled me into his embrace. Unlike Charlie, he was openly affectionate, expressing his delight to have me back and kissing my brow as a physical validation of it.

I held myself together by the bare minimum, but in all honesty I wasn't sure if I had anymore tears left to cry.

**...**

Charlie took me into Port Angeles for lunch—or more a late lunch, since it was early afternoon by the time we arrived. He was staying for seven days, he informed me, which made my stomach knot with a sense of panic. It was too short, but it was all the leave the navy could allocate for him. I tried not to appear too disappointed in front of him and concentrate on the time I had with him, but it was never enough. My father was always the missing piece of who I was; the person I got half my genes from but never really knew. My one _willing_ parent, but with restrictions regardless. It always seemed cruel to me that Renee wouldn't be my parent and Charlie couldn't.

As he sat across from me, I absorbed and committed every word he spoke and every expression to memory; not knowing when I'd be with him again. He asked me a multitude of questions about my life from the moment I'd arrived in Forks, evading the obvious topics of Edward and Australia.

It wasn't until I received another text message during lunch that he breeched the topic.

"Edward…" I explained a little awkwardly, clicking it open as a huge smile completely monopolized my face.

**Miss you, beautiful. I'll call you tonight.**

I guess my expression was pretty telling.

The General just sat gauging me for a few moments, an edge of distrust sparking in his eyes, before he cleared his throat. "Is that the young man who went to Australia with you?" It was obvious he wasn't happy about it, though he made an effort to keep it from his voice.

I nodded my head, trying to rein in the extent of my smile. "Yeah—he's Alice's brother."

Charlie took a sip of his coffee, nodding before he asked a little stiffly, "He's your boyfriend?"

"Um… yes," I answered, feeling my face begin to prickle with heat. I suddenly felt incredibly exposed; as if my father knew exactly what had recently happened with Edward and me.

"He treats you well, then?"

I nodded my head emphatically. "He does—I, I …" I abandoned the sentence, shaking my head softly to myself. There wasn't enough words to express what Edward had done for me, after all.

Charlie cleared his throat for a second time. "Well I guess you'd better bring him around so I can meet him," he spoke formally which scared me a little, and I began to recall the strange way Edward had behaved at the airport. Behaviour I was convinced at the time had something to do with my father.

I nodded, trying to ignore my heart as it skipped over a beat, setting off a nervous energy within me.

Charlie flashed me a quick, warm smile before he turned his attention back to his lunch. I picked up my utensils and shovelled a forkful of salad into my mouth, telling myself I was being paranoid and dropped it.

I replied to Edward's text when The General made his way to the rest room, just before we were about to leave.

**I miss you too, you big sap.**

**I'm not allowed to be a sap? How am I supposed to crack onto my girlfriend then?**

I laughed softly to myself and replied, **Start by not mocking me,**

It was enough to completely erase any concerns I had about Edward and Charlie—whether I thought they were valid or not—and a smile soon became my primary expression. I suddenly had plenty to smile about after all.

The general took me shopping, buying me a summer wardrobe that I was still convinced I'd never be warm enough to wear without a jumper. But I was soon recalling how I'd often woken in Edward's arms, sweltering hot from the degree of his body temperature, and suspected they might not go to waste after all.

By the time we arrived back home I was exhausted again. I was still hung over from jet lag, not to mention being weighed down by the avalanche of emotion that flooded me at every moment. Trying to comprehend it all had tired me out, and I still felt that at any moment I'd start crying.

I skipped dinner, crawling into bed with the sound of the rain against my window; rain that I had missed so incredibly; rain that told me I was home at last.

I slept all night without waking once, completely forgetting that Edward was supposed to call me.

I dreamt about the night in the hotel, of Edward's warm, tender hands running over my body; of his silken chest pressing against mine; of the sensation he'd awoken within me; the pain and desire. Even in my dreams, the magnitude of it engulfed me, and when my eyes opened next morning, my entire body was alive, while my chest felt swollen—almost burdened by it.

I climbed out of bed in the same emotionally overwhelmed state that I had before; with a giant smile, a hammering heart, and the compulsion to surrender to tears.

I hadn't taken two steps towards the door when I realised I'd missed Edward's call. As I hurried over to my bag to retrieve my mobile, my heart was sinking—as silly as that was. Edward had been the very reason that I was able to _breathe _in Australia, and I was feeling the absence of him incredibly.

"Bugger," I muttered to myself, realising my phone was dead. I plugged it in to the power point, before heading into the hall for a shower. When I was back in my room twenty minutes later, Edward's toothy-grinned smile was alerting me to three missed phone calls and one voice message.

I sighed guiltily and called my message bank.

"Hey, Bella," Edward's deep voice spoke, sounding despondent almost. "I guess you've fallen asleep. I'll call you in the morning."

My chest tightened with just as much disappointment as Edward had sounded, and I immediately hit _call_.

It picked up after the forth ring to Edward's rustic, sleepy sounding voice. "Hey, baby."

"Hey," my voice immediately turned tender, "sorry about last night. I was buggered; I slept like the dead—" Immediately I froze with the realisation of what I'd just spoken, and felt my expression teeter. I cleared my throat trying to regain my composure.

"It's okay, I was _buggered _too," he teased me gently, and the rigidness melted from my body instantly. "You okay?" he asked me a moment later.

"Yeah—I'm fine."

"Mmm well, can I be a selfish asshole and kidnap you today?"

I chuckled softly. "You coming on your tricycle again?"

He laughed his light, smooth sounding laugh as I grinned moronically along with him. "I'm sure I could persuade the little rat to come round and get you."

"I'll come there sometime today. I'm not sure what's happening yet," I explained apologetically.

"Okay."

We talked for a further forty minutes, teasing and flirting with one another until I became almost literally charged by the sound of his voice. In the end, it was the sound of my stomach growling that prompted me to reluctantly end the phone call.

Talking to him had unburdened me, and I walked down stairs smiling broadly and feeling carefree for the first time in months.

"Hey, Jake," I said brightly to my cousin as he sat dwarfing the chair he was sitting on, messily eating cereal.

"Hey, Bells," he replied, flashing me a bright smile, while munching his breakfast.

I pulled the cornflakes out of the cupboard, poured myself a bowl, and sat beside him. "Where is everyone?" I asked taking a mouthful.

"Our _dad's_ had to go out for—business, I guess. I'm not sure." Jakes grin deepened teasingly, before he continued, "They'll be home in the afternoon."

I smiled back in reply. "Righto."

"By the way, Bells, your princess called last night. Jeez you sure turned him into a needy S.O.B." His grin turned into a sly smirk, before he hid it behind a giant spoonful of Count Chocula.

I swallowed, groaning. "Jake," I complained with a sigh, "can you let all that crap in the past with Edward slide? He apologised, remember?"

"Yeah … but I still say he only did it to get into your pants," he mumbled as he munched his cereal.

I folded my arms across the table, gazing at him cynically. "I can tell you for a fact that's not true," I insisted. "Please, Jake? I kinda like him." I pouted jokingly, and his mouth twitched before he rolled his eyes.

"Okay, okay—only for you, Bells. Anyway, your dad wants you to ask him over for dinner tonight." His grin turned sly again.

I whacked him with my wet spoon, forgetting for a moment that the prospect of inviting Edward to meet my father still made me uneasy.

I washed mine and Jake's breakfast dishes, before I sent Edward a quick text, telling him I was coming over.

* * *

**A/N: spank you for reading MWAH**


	42. Deja Vu

**A/N; It's good to be home ... Am I finished yet?**

* * *

**Chapter 42**

**Déjà vu**

**Bella's POV**

"I'm going out, Jake, you need a lift anywhere?" I called out to him, grabbing my hooded jumper from the coat stand at the front door.

He came bounding down the stairs three seconds later, causing the timber beneath him to creak painfully. "Can you drop me at Ness'?"

"Sure, come on."

"I'm sorry to be an ass about Cull-Edward, Bells," he stammered, but with sincerity, after we pulled out of the driveway.

I glanced at him and smiled warmly, only nodding in reply.

"I saw how much he cares about you ... that night," he mumbled, lowering his voice awkwardly.

I nodded again, taking a long breath. "Yeah..."

"Plus, the way he took on Emmett and everything, I reckon he could give me a run for my money."

My head snapped in his direction so suddenly I almost veered off the road. "What do you mean_ took on Emmett_?"

"Erm ... I'm not sure what it was about, really. Emmett thought Edward had done something to you and it ruined his party, and Cul-Edward went for him. Man, Emmett was having a hard time trying to hold him down too."

I turned by eyes back to the road, running a hand through my hair, feeling suddenly on edge. I barely remembered much from that night, other than overwhelming grief, and I hated the fact that I had caused so much trouble.

Jake nudged me playfully. "So, Bells, can I stay pissed at Edward for a bit longer? I kinda want to see how much he could give me." His eyes gleamed deviously.

I scoffed knowingly, thankful that he'd eased the tension that was threatening to plague me. "Get out!" I turned to him teasingly a moment later as I pulled to the side of the road, in front of Nessie's house.

"Seeya, Bells." His grin turned titanic, his eyes crinkling deeply at the edges, before he jumped out.

I smiled back at him affectionately, realising just how much I'd missed him. "Bye, Jake."

I indicated to turn back onto the road when a tap at my window interrupted me. I turned my head and instantly felt myself stiffen in irritation; it was _Mike Newton_. He motioned for me to wind down my window. I thought for a moment about ignoring him and driving off, but begrudgingly did as he asked.

"What do you want?" I asked him sharply.

"It's good to see you, Bells," he drawled over confidently, overlooking my less than warm greeting.

"_Bella!_" I corrected him, my tone hard.

He shrugged cockily. "I heard you and Cullen went to Australia together."

"How is that any of your business?" I retorted impatiently.

He shrugged again, before a smug smile tugged on his lips. "It's not. I'm just a little surprised that you picked him in the end."

I snorted. "You're _surprised_?"

His arrogant grin faded for a moment before it quickly snapped back. "Give it time, you'll soon see him for what he is and wish you were with me."

I just stared at him incredulous for a second or two, before I almost laughed. "Okay then, well do me a favour, Mike?"

"Anything, sweet cheeks."

"Hold your breath!" I pulled away from the curb, almost knocking him on his arse.

I shook my head to myself, letting the cringes roll off my spine. "Deluded wanker," I mumbled, pulling off the main Forks road in the direction of Edward and Alice's house. The smile almost immediately returned to my lips.

Before I raised my hand to knock on the Cullens' front door, it swung open and Edward stood there with a wide grin on his face.

"Hey," he said, his voice dipping huskily, before he reached out, grabbed my hand and pulled me against his chest; bending down to press his lips softly with mine.

He broke away, his grin pulling wider, when I merged my lips with his again, kissing him more deeply. I stood on my tippy-toes, because he was so bloody tall, and wrapped my arms around his neck, feeling the warmth of him beneath his shirt and realising just how much I'd missed him these last couple of days.

Just when I felt Edward's arms slip around my waist, pulling me flush against him and stretching me up to properly kiss me, a low, buzzing sound and the feel of air washing over my cheek broke us apart. In fact, Edward's groan first vibrated gently against my lips before we both turned to see Emmett holding one of those small, handheld fans at us.

"Bella down under!" he exclaimed, before pulling me from Edward to engulf me in his arms; a reflexive sound bursting from me as my constricted lungs protested.

Bloody hell, he was a hyper version of Jake!

"Hi E-Emmett," I replied a little frazzled after he released me and I could breathe again.

He only winked, before Edward grabbed my hand and led me further inside, sighing to himself.

"Want a drink?" he asked me, before releasing my hand to wrap his arm around my shoulders and gently caressing my temple with his lips.

I slipped my arm around his waist, snuggling against him and shrugged lightly. "If you're having one."

We walked from the entrance directly into the kitchen, where Edward released me completely to open the fridge and take out two cans of coke.

"Do you want to watch some T.V … or we can hang in my room?" he asked, handing me a drink and raising his eyebrows with a smile on his face that suddenly appeared uncertain. Then as if to validate it, he ran his hand through his hair to the back of his neck.

I smiled at him knowingly and opened my mouth to answer, when Jazz and Alice strolled into the kitchen via the rear door.

"Hey, Bells!" Alice exclaimed brightly, coming over and hugging me impulsively. "When did you get here?"

"Two minutes ago," I replied.

"Jazz and I are going to watch a movie. Are you guys in?" she put it to me first before turning to Edward.

He was again running his hand over the back of his head, not looking too thrilled by the idea.

As my eyes met his and I gauged his reaction, a small smile appeared on his lips. He sighed in resignation and turned back to Alice, shrugging half-heartedly . "Yeah okay, for a while."

"Cool," Alice said cheerfully, grabbing Jazz's hand and pulling him towards the living room.

"Still not in full ownership of your balls, dude, I see." Jazz smirked at Edward, before leaving the room with Alice.

Edward's eyes covertly met mine, a small, secretive smile forming on his lips. All at once, the memory returned to me of Edward and me sitting on the bathroom floor at Nummi's, and while trying to cheer me up, he told me about Jazz's preoccupation with a certain word.

I broke into a soft, short laugh, nodding in understanding, while the complete memory of it made me want to both cringe and melt. Edward had been my absolute saviour that night, but how he'd seen me...

He draped his arm playfully around my neck. "I told you," he murmured against my ear, snorting the air through his nose, before he kissed my forehead quickly.

"You did," I replied grabbing his hand that hung from my shoulder as we followed Alice and Jazz.

Alice put on American Pie; I hadn't seen it. As she inserted it into the DVD player, I snugged on the sofa with Edward, curling into his side and resting my hand casually on his leg. He leaned over to place his can of coke on the lamp table, then sat back and snaked his arm around my waist, inching his fingers under my shirt and cupping his warm hand around my side.

"We don't have to watch it for long," he murmured against my ear.

I smiled to myself lightly. Judging by the degree his temperature was rising, something told me that he wasn't going to be very comfortable with me sitting so close to him with Alice and jazz on the sofa across from us. I grabbed his hand, slipping my fingers through his and brought it to my lips.

"We'll put in a courteous amount of time," I replied teasingly, meeting his lips briefly with mine and having to almost fight myself to break it off.

He drew me closer to the toasty warmth of him, and I rested our hands in his lap. When I turned my eyes to the movie, I noticed Jazz was watching Edward with a smirk on his face. He then turned his gaze on me and his grin turned sly.

"So, Bella? D'you know that Edward had a serious hard on for you from the first day you arrived?"

I felt my lips curve slightly as Edward groaned and released my hand to push the heel of his palm into his forehead. "Shut the fuck up, Jazz."

"He didn't like me on the first day I arrived," I corrected Jazz, biting on my lip to stop myself from laughing.

"Oh, you reckon—," Jazz continued, his overconfidence pulling his grin deviously, but Alice elbowed him.

"Jazzy, leave him alone," she interjected, rolling her eyes.

Edward sighed to himself, his hand dragging back through his hair. I couldn't tell whether he was genuinely annoyed, but I suddenly felt protective of him. I took his hand again and squeezed it gently. "I kind of already knew, Jazz. The pens were a bit of a giveaway."

Jazz looked like he wanted to push it, but Alice, having incredible power of persuasion over him, effectively _distracted _him. It was an awkward moment for Edward and me, and grew more so when we realized that it wasn't winding down anytime soon. I tried to concentrate on the movie, but it was difficult when the sound of Alice and Jazz slopping over each other drowned it out.

And Edward was not very impressed with it.

I snuggled into him further, running my fingers over his hand tenderly, but he continued to sit tense, groaning under his breath, and becoming more and more impatient. Unlike Alice, I wasn't able to distract him, but then their slurpy kissing sounds didn't make for a very romantic atmosphere to divert his attention.

"Jesus fucking..." Edward muttered to himself, allowing it to trail off before he picked up his empty cola can and threw it at Jazz; hitting him in the back of the head. "Hey, asshole, if you want to feel up my sister at least have the fucking courtesy to do it when I'm not sitting six feet away!" His voice was low and sarcastic; evident that he was becoming angry.

"Edward!" Alice protested as Jazz looked over at us, the confusion on his face comical.

I smothered my amusement against Edward's shoulder.

"What?" Jazz asked blankly, clearly incoherent from his make-out session with Alice.

Edward huffed, then rolled his eyes before looking down at me. "Either we go now, or I rip Jazzy pants' head off," his tone was gentler as he gazed at me, but it was still obvious that he was annoyed.

I nodded in agreement, trying to hide the fact that I found his anger funny.

"_DUDDERS, DID YOU DRINK ALL THE ROOT BEER_?" Emmett suddenly bellowed, to which Jazz began immediately laughing.

Edward closed his eyes, groaning beneath his breath, before he stood up from the sofa in one motion, pulling me with him.

We passed Emmett as we made our way to the stairs.

"And keep the rooting down to a dignified level, if you don't mind," he said lowly, feigning a serious tone while trying not to smirk.

I felt my face burst into flames, just as Edward's grip on my hand tightened.

"Jesus, Emmett!" he burst in aggravation.

"What? You're watching the Mariners game, aren't you?" Emmett replied, exaggerating his confusion. "Jeez you're an uptight bastard." He glanced at me and winked again. I scoffed out my wonder at him good-naturedly, and his face almost broke into an all-out grin, before he disappeared into the living room.

Edward shook his head to himself, rubbing his brow with his fingers, but didn't say anything as he led me again to the stairs. We were half way up, when he suddenly paused. His expression faltered for a moment, his eyebrows knotting together as an odd look reflected on his face.

"What is it?" I asked tilting my head to gaze at him, my curiosity piqued.

He shook his head lightly to himself. "Déjà vu," he mumbled, a small smile lighting up across his face.

**...**

I hadn't been in Edward's room since the night of the prom, and as I gazed around I was immediately flooded with memories of that horrible moment when I got the phone call from Nummi.

"You okay, baby?" he asked me gently, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. I looked up and met his gaze and I knew by the intensity of his eyes that he understood what was going through my mind.

"Yeah," I replied softly, nodding.

He pulled me against his chest, resting his chin on the top of my head and took a heavy breath. "You slept on my bed that night. It drove me mad, because my mother wouldn't let me anywhere near you."

I wrapped my arms around his waist and sighed. I vaguely remembered Dr Masen sedating me and having Alice beside me most of the night. But a lot of what had actually happened became confused by nightmares. I remember thinking it was Edward that had died; of seeing his accident so clearly in my mind; of him lying unconscious and bloody on the side of the road.

Something I was suddenly seeing right then.

I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my face into his chest as a shudder rippled through me.

He replaced his chin with his lips, tightening his arms around me, and it wasn't long before the sensation of being pressed against his overly warm body completely shifted the tenor within me. Shamefully, all thoughts of Kel faded from my mind as my skin began tingling with the ambience of it.

"Edward?" I asked, my voice a murmur against his chest.

"Mmmm?"

"Did you really have a hard on for me the first day?" My tone turned coy and teasing.

He broke into soft laughter, exhaling it against my hair as it rocked from his chest. "Erm ... hard on might be a slight ... understatement."

His hands slid from around my back to my hips, where he slipped his fingers beneath my jeans, and immediately a fire was ignited within me.

I grabbed his shirt in both my fists, leaning my head back to meet him as he bent down to kiss me.

It was gentle at first, full of emotion, just the tenderness of his lips, locked between mine. But as it deepened, as our mouths parted and I became engulfed by him, I became vaguely aware that I was tugging at his shirt, while his hands ran up my sides, dragging my t-shirt with them.

Suddenly, all that made sense was the need and desire for his body against mine.

Pressing my lips further against his, I slid my hands directly over the smooth, heated skin of his back, up to his neck, pulling his shirt up to his armpits in the process. He pulled me tighter against him, his bared stomach brushing with mine, before he severed our lips to drag his t-shirt over his head.

His eyes were burning with hunger, but when they locked with mine again, they softened. As he encircled me in his arms, I curved my hand around the back of his neck, drawing him back to me. With my other hand, I cupped it around his cheek, my fingers running over the coarse stubble aligning his jaw as our mouths reconnected.

The initial urgency of our movements had calmed; the tempo of our kiss softening and slowing. It was just his lips in motion with mine, parting and deepening. His hands were no longer seeking my skin, but were wrapped tightly around me, holding me flush against him; immersing me in the warmth of his body. His heart was beating rapidly, and as I held his face to mine, I could feel his skin burning hotter.

He slid his nose to the other side of mine, taking my lips between his briefly, before he pressed them to my brow. "Baby, if I take your shirt off, I won't be able to stop at just that."

I ran my hand down his cheek, tucking his hair delicately behind his ear, pulling his earlobe gently. I kissed him tenderly once and then again. "Take my shirt off," I whispered against his lips before I pressed them against his for a third time with more intensity.

He immediately responded, kissing me with more heat, more need! His mouth opened, and I was engulfed by the warmth of his breath. He pulled back fractionally to change his angle. "Are you sure?" he asked softly before his lips met mine again. His voice was gravelly and my body reacted to the sound of it almost as a reflex.

I nodded with abandon as I kissed him, uttering out a strangled, breathless sound in response.

I was craving the physical and emotional connection from him; it was a desire that was flooding me. To feel his lips and his skin against mine; to allow myself to respond to his touch. But was I planning to have sex with him again? I knew it would eventually build until we reached that point; something I doubted I would pull out of. At the same time, the condoms Alice had given to me way back at Nummi's house in Australia were in my top drawer in my bedroom at Uncle Billy's. I didn't have them on me; I didn't come to see Edward with the sole purpose of having sex with him.

But as his lips merged deeper with mine, parted and burning, rational thought slowly faded from my mind.

Suddenly he lifted me up to his eye level, and in the next moment he dropped me back against his bed. With my hands still clasped to the back of his neck, I ended up pulling him down on top of me; his bare chest thudding against my ribs. A low, short groan sounded against my cheek as if it had caused him pain. I drew in my breath and moved to speak, but before I could utter a word, my mouth was immediately met, and covered by the sultry softness of his. "I'm fine," he reassured me, the pitch of his voice husky, before he dipped his head to kiss my neck.

I thought about being worried for a minute but was soon too distracted by the sensation of his blazing lips moving over my throat, humming and tasting tenderly—always so tenderly.

_Bloody hell!_

I took a shaky breath, struggling as it caught at the back of my throat.

As his mouth trailed slowly back to mine, his hands found their way to my stomach, but unable to manoeuvre them with him pressing against me, they slid down my thigh to the back of my knee. He pulled it towards him then moved to settle himself between my legs.

The heat was saturating him, and concentrating in the pounding, rock-hard bulge that was suddenly pressing directly—

_Oh god._

What was I doing? I was still physically recovering!

I felt myself tense and then retract as his lips enclosed mine. As he took me into him with a gentle urgency, he again awakened the yearning that forever existed within me, and immediately I was yielding, completely surrendering.

"Edward," I breathed his name, slowly. My voice caught and suddenly a burning pressure was building in my throat. But I swallowed past it and opened myself further to Edward's lips, wrapping my arms more tightly around his neck; knowing that his touch was enough to extinguish it.

My hands found their way into Edward's hair; his thick and silky hair. I entwined my fingers around it as he again pulled back from my mouth to press his lips to the base of my throat.

"Bella," his voice, seeped with emotion hummed delicately against my skin as he gently attempted to pull up my shirt.

It wasn't coming off, not with him lying smooth on top of me, and so in the next movement he pulled himself up on his knees, taking me with him. I felt almost dizzy, swaying almost as Edward righted us. He exhaled into a sort of half groan—half sigh, and as his eyes caught mine, his smile turned drunken.

With my expression beginning to mirror his, I let my face slide against his; my nose caressing the soft, flush tenderness of his cheek. "Déjà vu," I murmured, before I replaced my nose with my lips.

His half-mumbled reply was swallowed as he captured my mouth with his. Then slowly he pulled my shirt up over my chest, his hands trailing behind it, where it broke our lips apart as he completely removed it.

I curled myself against him, craving the contact of his bare skin with mine, and took a long, heavy breath. Opening my eyes, I noticed for the first time Edward's chest hair, golden brown, and scattered lightly across his chest. I ran my hand gently over it, feeling the heat beneath my fingertips concentrate. I pressed my ear to his chest and closed my eyes listening to his heart, steady and increasing, and the whooshing of air inhaling and exhaling from his lungs. I enclosed my arms tightly around his waist.

The craving I was feeling for him was suddenly swelling with emotion. I was becoming engulfed by it and I needed a moment to process everything.

"Hey?" Edward's rustic voice whispered.

I looked up, meeting his gaze and feeling a sense of calm. It was Edward, he was all I wanted—all I needed.

I stretched up and kissed him gently. It was only brief before he broke away to brush his lips against my neck and then to my bare shoulder; moving my hair back as he did.

From behind me, his hands slid to my hips, where he pulled back and looked at me.

"What?" I asked him feeling my brow pucker, while a warm smile curved on my lips.

"You seem … distracted. Are you sure you want to do this, baby?" he asked me. He bit his bottom lip slightly, looking uncertain for the first time.

I placed my palm against his cheek and smiled at him tenderly. "Are you going to ask me this every time?"

"Yeah," he admitted, shrugging lightly, his smile turning askew.

I opened my mouth to reply when there was a knock at Edward's door, and before either of us could react to it, it opened. As my heart paused in panic, Edward pulled me flush against him, shielding me, and whipped his head toward the door.

Alice popped her head into the room. "Ed..." she began, but the words died on her lips as her expression quickly turned to mortification. "Oh god—I'm so sorry!" she blurted hastily.

"Alice—what the fuck!" Edward burst angrily as she slammed the door.

"I'm sorry, Edward. Mum's home she wants you and Bella to come down for lunch," she called out apologetically through the door.

I groaned, softly wanting to shudder and leaned my forehead against Edward's chest. "Bloody hell," I sighed feeling my face prickle hotly.

Edward huffed out brashly in frustration, before taking a resigned breath and resting his lips on top of my head. "I'm sorry, Bella."

"It's not your fault," I replied, my voice muffled as I continued to bury my face against him.

"_Bloody _Alice," he muttered, his tone lightening.

By the time Edward and I recovered from the embarrassing event of what his sister almost witnessed and went back down stairs, my face was still a beetroot. As we entered the kitchen, Alice immediately glanced up over at us, her expression beseeching. Edward scowled at her, rolling his eyes in irritation, while she mouthed the word 'sorry' to me. Edward huffed beneath his breath and turned his back on her as Mrs Cullen turned to greet us.

"Hi, honey," she said to Edward before her eyes turned to me. "Hello, Bella." Her voice became warm as she embraced me, kissing my cheek. "Staying for lunch?"

"Hi—y-yeah," I stammered, becoming more flustered.

"Go sit down." Her smiled increased with affection before she turned back to the counter and picked up a large bowl of salad.

Edward led me over to the dining table and we sat opposite Alice and Jazz. Alice avoided our gaze, while Jazz was smirking broadly in an obvious internal debate with himself on whether he should give Edward anymore crap. Edward was too distracted to notice, by vigorously assaulting his hair and yanking on the collar of his t-shirt. In a way I was glad, I didn't think he was in the right frame of mind to put up with Jazz at that moment.

Emmett walked in the room languidly, went to the fridge and disappeared behind it. "Jesus, woman, you forgot the root beer. You know how much Dudders is fond of the stuff!" His voice echoed loudly.

During the third offensive on his hair, Edward's hand paused before he closed his eyes and groaned softly. I placed my hand on his knee under the table as Jazz snorted and choked his laughter behind his hand.

Esme approached the table carrying two large bowls. With my face on fire, I glanced up at her. She was only rolling her eyes knowingly, still oblivious to that one word that Emmett was using every angle of.

"Watch the _woman_ stuff, fella. And since when does Edward drink root beer?"

Emmett snorted loudly. "Like, freaking ten times a day—well not anymore, now that he has Bella..." he purposely let his voice trail off then cleared his throat with such over the top exaggeration that Jazz turned purple.

Edward, with careful, measured movements covered my hand with his; it was clammier than it normally was. He bent down closer to me. "I'm so sorry, Bella," he whispered so that only I heard him.

I turned to face him, my brow brushing lightly against his. "It's okay," I replied softly, grabbing his hand and squeezing gently.

I felt his lips press to my forehead briefly before he turned back, and just as Esme placed the salad and a bowl of spaghetti on the table in front of us.

The ambience over lunch was calmer than I'd anticipated. With Emmett hoeing into his food, the rest of us chatted casually. Esme asked polite questions about Australia, and I answered, trying to maintain an easy going tone to my voice while Edward's hot, sultry hand began to get adventurous with my thigh.

I nudged him under the table discreetly then looked up and met Emmett's devilish gaze. He'd stopped chewing mid bite for a moment before continuing again, while flashing me a full-cheeked grin. I smiled back at him, scoffing softly to myself then turned my attention back to my plate of food as Emmett turned his to Esme.

"So, Mother, where's Dr McDreamy, anyway?"

"He's at the dentist," Esme answered rolling her eyes with a small smirk.

"Finally getting root canal done, is he?" Emmett asked so completely straight-faced that I was actually amazed.

Of course, Jazz immediately began choking, and when I turned to Edward, he was rubbing his forehead heavily, but grinning slightly to himself. As his eyes met mine, his grin pulled wider. "Are you finished, Bella?"

I nodded.

**...**

We hung out in the back gardens for a while, but it soon began raining. Reluctantly, I pulled my back from the warmth of Edward's chest and stared up at the sky begrudgingly. "I should get home, I guess." I sighed, turning my face to him and kissing him quickly on the cheek.

Exhaling deeply, he hummed his reply lazily then helped me to my feet. We walked to my jeep, Edward with his arm draped loosely over my shoulder. And since it was a day of déjà vu's, the memory of the last time Edward had walked me to my jeep at his house, echoed through my mind. _So much_ had happened since that day and it was only just a few months previous.

The rain decided to turn torrential, so Edward and I said our goodbyes on the front porch.

He pulled me tightly against him and kissed me tenderly, but briefly a few times; just his soft lips between mine, and enough to make my breath leave me in a gush. "I apologise for my brother and sister," he murmured against my cheek, before kissing me hastily again on the lips.

I nodded with a sigh then laughed softly at the thought of Emmett at lunch. I kissed him back just as briefly. "Tell your mum thanks for lunch again."

"I will." He placed his lips on my neck this time, bathing my skin in his hot breath for a moment before pulling back and leaving me slightly unsteady. "later, alligator," he whispered playfully in my ear.

"Love you, crocodile," I replied affectionately.

"Sappy." He flashed me a warm, teasing grin.

"Always mocking me," I replied with feigned reproach, kissing the side of his mouth quickly and stepping down from the porch into the rain.

I ran to my jeep and jumped in, starting the engine. It wasn't until I turned back to Edward to wave a final goodbye that I suddenly realized what I'd forgotten to ask him. I wound down my window and called out over the rain. "Edward, my father invited you to dinner tonight. Can you come?"

He had his head down, his hand running slowly back through his hair, when he paused. He looked up fractionally and his eyes locked with mine.

* * *

**A/N: Jeez Mike's a wanker, and way to cock block, you little rat!**


	43. As Long As You Love Me

**A/N: Yes ... Backstreet Boys...**

* * *

**Chapter 43**

**As Long As You Love Me**

**Edward's POV:**

"Um … Bella," I began stammering, "I can't—I think we're doing something tonight for dinner already." It was total bullshit of course, and it was obvious that she didn't buy it for a moment. The only thing was, she looked kind of … relieved.

She flashed me a warm, accepting smile and half shrugged.

I felt like an asshole, but what the hell could I do? Meet her father and tell him he was a fucking bastard for abandoning her to the nightmare of her childhood? The asshole would probably snap me in half. Like the other Swans he was a giant; easily six foot six and three hundred pounds.

The only problem was when Bella looked at him it was obvious she idolized him. I couldn't get the expression she'd had when she met him at the airport out of my mind. Her entire face had lit up and her eyes had come to life. It ripped my freaking heart out, 'cause I fucking hated him; hated him for having a gorgeous daughter that he put after himself; hated him for not doing something about Bella's trailer trash mother—not preventing his only child from the hell that she grew up in. Also, because I was a selfish prick, I had to admit I was half jealous as well. That to-bit excuse for a parent didn't deserve the affection Bella obviously had for him.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Bella's soft toned voice broke me from my brooding thoughts and when I looked up to meet her gaze again her expression was hedging with concern. I'd been reefing my hands through my hair, my expression no doubt darkening and pissed off, so naturally she'd react. She knew me these days better than I knew myself. "You … OK?" she eventually asked tentatively, then reached up and tugged on her lower lip.

I forced the smile back on my face and my anger over her father to the back of my thoughts. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'll call you tonight."

She smiled in response, but it still seemed cautious, so I winked and watched her grin grow broad.

"You're a dag," she scoffed knowingly, before starting her jeep, reversing and driving out of view.

I watched her leave, my mood slowly returning to pissed off as thoughts of her father began to infiltrate my mind again.

_Bastard!_

I let myself back inside through the front door, past Alice and Jazz—who were now ironically watching the television without groping each other—and headed for the stairs.

"So, Dudders…" Emmett was suddenly before me with half a smirk on his lips. "I think you have a problem."

"What problem?"

"Mom, she's clued on to … erm … root!" And he snorted in his attempt not to laugh.

"Emmett, Jesus!" I snapped, running my fingers stiffly back through my hair. "You're such a dickhead!"

"Well, how did I know the woman knew how to google?" It was obvious the fucker was enjoying himself; he couldn't keep the wise ass expression from his face.

I huffed and shoved past him and up the stairs.

My mother was waiting in ambush by my bedroom door. "I'm not going to give you a lecture, Edward, just that I hope you're being careful."

I sighed heavily but didn't reply. She moved aside to let me enter my room, but didn't move. In fact, she still stood gauging me as I was about to close the door. "Mom—_what_?" I burst impatiently, though I was embarrassed more than I was annoyed.

"Do… do you want me to send Carlisle up later to have a chat with you?" she asked me apprehensively.

"What? NO!" I burst seconds before slamming the door.

"I wouldn't look so smug, mister. I am well aware of the recent happenings with you and Rose—not to mention you pair, Alice and Jazz!" I heard her voice rise sternly from inside my bedroom.

"Likewise with you and Dr. Seuss, mother dearest. I'm gonna need a shit load of therapy because of the thin walls in this house. Honestly, there are some things no kid needs to hear from their mother."

There was a few seconds of silence, and I knew that as per usual Emmett had rendered mom speechless.

A moment later she exploded.

Emmett was right though; the walls in the house were too thin. It was fucked up that I shared a common wall with him, but it could have been worse...

I logged on to my computer and checked my email. There was one from Nummi with an attached photo. I exhaled deeply in relief; I was getting worried she'd forget.

**This is the clearest one I could find, Edward. I hope it helps. How's she doing? Give her my love.**

**Nummi xo**

I saved the photo to my files, trying not to focus on it or the anger and emotion that the sight of it immediately impressed on me.

After enlarging and cropping it, I began searching online. It took several hours, but eventually I found what I was looking for. I filled out an order form and forwarded the photo. The cost was pretty much what I had expected, and no doubt I'd have to ask mom for permission to withdraw it from my account.

I grabbed my laptop and opened the door to go in search for her, when I ran into Alice.

"Mom's pissed. She's threatening to cancel Emmett's party," she spoke half laughing and rolling her eyes.

I only stared at her, feeling my confusion turn to agitation for, as usual, not having a freaking clue what she was talking about. "What… party?" I asked after a moment.

She blinked a few times and looked away suddenly looking uncomfortable. "Um … it's for our birthday as well, but—you know, how Emmett's prom party was sort of … cut short?"

I dropped my head, scratching the back of my neck and nodded. "Yeah," I mumbled as memories of the night of prom flooded through my thoughts.

Alice had called mom and Carlisle, worried about Bella, and they had put an end to the party the moment they saw the state she was in. Naturally, Emmett had blamed me for it; accusing me of forcing myself on her—or some bullshit like that. Of course, upon seeing Bella hysterical in my arms that would be the normal assumption.

I was so pissed off I'd jumped him, taking him completely by surprise. It'd no doubt be the first and last time Emmett would ever let me punch him in the face without retaliating. He'd still out matched me; wrestling me to the ground with blood pouring from his nose. As I struggled under him, my stomach had burned as if my internal organs had exploded, but it only spurned my anger on further. It had been insignificant when Bella was in so much pain. Mine I could tolerate, but I couldn't bear hers.

"Where are you going with your computer anyway?" she enquired. She was gazing at me oddly, her forehead beginning to crease. Fucking mind reading me as usual.

I shrugged. "Nowhere."

She snorted barely beneath her breath before seeming to push it aside. "Got ten minutes? I want to talk to you about something."

Immediately my back snapped upright. "You walked in on me and Bella, Alice, I get it. Do I want to talk about it? I'll take a rain check!"

She flashed me a sarcastic look. "Yeah, because I enjoy discussing the details of my—" she broke off and looked around us quickly, before dropping her voice and continuing, "_brother's sex life_."

"Well, what do you want then?" I snapped.

"It's about Bella," she answered with equal amounts of impatience.

I grabbed a fistful of her sweater and dragged her back inside my room. "What about Bella?" I asked skeptically the moment I had closed the door behind us.

She folded her arms across her chest and took a breath. "I'm worried about her."

"What else is new, Alice? You're _always_ worried about her. Bella isn't a baby, you know!"

She huffed out her breath sharply. "Don't be an asshole!"

"Just spit it out. I've got shit to do."

"Fine—I'm worried about how fast things are moving with the two of you. That maybe Bella is using it as a way to deal with everything she's been through. She might not be even ready for any of it—have you even thought about that?" Her tone was practically accusatory and instantly it pissed me off. No, not just pissed me off, it made me completely fucking irate.

I took a slow, measured breath in, clenching the muscles in my jaw, and feeling my face flushing angrily. "So what you're saying, Alice, is that Bella is _using me for sex_, and I'm taking advantage of it?" I spoke lowly, wanting to grab the little rat and hurl her out of my room.

"Of course that's not what I mean—stop being so dramatic, Edward!" she yelled back in frustration. "Jesus, you're highly strung!"

"Alice, get the fuck out of my room," I demanded, past all patience, pointing my finger toward the door.

I glared down at her, ready to pick her up and propel her through the door, but there was something about her gaze that made me pause. It was beseeching and apologetic.

"Edward, of course I don't think you'd ever treat Bella like that." Her tone was gentle, her expression turning sober. She sighed deeply. "I'm sorry."

I didn't answer her, I couldn't. My thoughts were suddenly racing, recalling and analyzing everything that had happened in Australia until what Alice had just spoken seemed almost logical. Bella, who was initially despondent and withdrawn, was physically shy with me—if not at all. Then she completely cut me off, severing all ties, barely able to look at me. Then after Rach had gotten her drunk and she finally let go of her pain, something reversed within her. She was suddenly not the shy Bella she was before; she was physically assertive. It was her that had initiated things sexually between us, and despite her apparent apprehension regarding it, she almost appeared to _need_ it—more than just desire, and more than what she felt for me. I had led her in that direction, unwittingly—never knowing. And now, clearly, our relationship was a physical one, and if I wasn't careful it would become nothing but physical.

_Fuck!_

The little rat was right, and it was so fucked up that she was!

I ran both my hands back through my hair, before rubbing my fingers heavily against my bridged forehead. "Shit," I admitted to myself.

"Edward …" Alice spoke up delicately, "it's not abnormal—I mean every time I have to go for my leukemia tests, I want to lose myself too… and it doesn't mean she's using you at all. It's obvious she's crazy stupid in love with you."

I nodded and released my breath, running my fingers once more over my scalp. I felt weary all of a sudden. This shit with Bella and I was tiring. As much as I loved her—it was fucking tiring!

I knew it was too soon—I should have listened to my better instincts! But I didn't because I got caught up in the train wreck that was our two weeks in Australia.

I got lost in it with her.

But now that we were back…

"Alice—do you think that maybe you could have spoken to Bella about this? You know how fucked up it is that you're talking about this with me?" I was starting to feel irritated that my sister was a nosy, pain in the ass, and even more because she was so perceptive.

"I can't, because Bella's the one still grieving, and I don't want to upset her."

I released my breath and sat down on the edge of my bed, placing both my palms over my face and massaging my forehead. "Yeah," I mumbled.

"Edward, now is the time that you and Bella get to be normal boyfriend and girlfriend. Australia was unique … you know? Don't base everything off what happened there," she offered gently, raising her brow.

She was God damn right—like she normally was.

"Yeah, OK, Alice, you're a fucking know it all, now get out!" I replied with feigned anger, while my tone inadvertently warmed with affection.

She broke into a tender grin. "You're welcome, now give me a hug."

"How about you leave me alone for once in your life," I replied only half teasing.

"I couldn't do that. You're my brother, and if you didn't have me, you'd be _rooted_." A slow, sly grin appeared on her face, before she started chuckling.

I shook my head, scoffing good-naturedly to myself, before giving her a _helping hand_ to the door.

OK, Bella and I were home and life was slowly getting back to normal, so now what? We wouldn't have sex again—or at the very least for a while? The very idea of it made a surge of panic turn my blood cold. I was a horny fucking bastard, sure, but it wasn't just physical. I craved that connection with her, maybe the same way she did. Who the hell knew?

Maybe I just had to let it all go and not think too much about it; let things take its own course. And I had to learn to read her more carefully. That afternoon, before Alice had walked in on us, and despite Bella's reassurances, she'd been trembling. I didn't need to initiate sex every time we were together. We could just fool around; have fun.

I grabbed my cell and sent her a text, **want to do something fun tomorrow, baby?**

**I always have fun with you, silly**, was her reply a minute later.

I was smiling fucking tenderly to myself before I was aware of it. **Want to see a movie?**

**OK, in the arvo?**

I chuckled, and as if she knew what my reaction was, another text came through from her before I was able to reply.

**Shut up.**

It only increased my laughter. **You're gorgeous, but OK in the arvo.**

**If you're mocking me there will be consequences.**

Fuck it—she was worth every minute of the shit we'd gone through. I loved her!

**...**

She arrived at 3 pm to drive us to Port Angeles, because I was a freaking decrepit still with no license. It didn't mean mom would allow me to spend any more of the money my father had left me from his life insurance to buy another car when I eventually got my license back. I hadn't breeched the subject with her. She had told Alice, Emmett and I, just before we were old enough to drive that we could buy a car, but the rest was for college. But I had to get another car; it was driving me mad without one.

I climbed into Bella's jeep and impulsively pulled her into my arms. Taking her soft lips gently between mine, I kissed her briefly, before I repeated it, pressing more firmly and parting my mouth more. She threatened to completely conquer me, so with a huge amount of willpower, I pulled back then dropped my lips to the crook of her neck and took a deep breath. In sync with me, she exhaled, humming softly with it. It vibrated lightly against my face, causing an immediate surge of heat to flush me.

She turned her face and kissed me quickly on the cheek. "What are we going to see?" she asked murmuring against my skin.

I shrugged then raised my head to look at her. "You pick," I replied wiping her hair off her face and gently behind her ear.

She thought about it for a moment. "Hmmm … the vampire one?"

My response was an immediate groan. "Serious, Bella? What is the appeal about that guy anyway?"

"I read the books," she answered as if to convince me. "Okay they kinda sucked, but it's romantic…" she let her voice trail, pulling her bottom lip into her mouth.

Any objections I might have had were immediately stamped out by the look that she gave me. Her eyes turned dark, and she smiled at me gently with her bottom lip still caught between her teeth, but it was her expression; coy and shy and fucked up sexy. My brain immediately turned to jelly. She'd enslaved me as usual.

"Okay," I conceded, my eyes still glued to her mouth.

She kissed me briefly, her lips soft, her mouth slightly apart—completely defeating me in that moment, before she turned back to the steering wheel and turned the key in the ignition.

I wondered how she could just pull out of it and go back to life when I was left in a puddle of drool with a raging hard on.

I cleared my throat softly to myself and ran my hand back through my hair, under a casual pretense. But there was nothing casual about it, and Bella was well aware of it; her lips hinted ever so slightly at amusement, validating the pathetic fact that Jazz was still right about us. She owned my balls.

"What are you wearing, Bella—is that new?" I asked her after a couple of minutes. I'd become transfixed by the way she chewed on her bottom lip as she drove.

She was wearing a t-shirt with a V-neck, revealing just enough of the top, soft part of her breasts to drive my body temperature northwards.

She glanced down at it quickly before half shrugging. "Yeah, but I'm kinda cold."

She was!

"Did you bring a jacket?" I asked her. I didn't want every asshole ogling her.

She shook her head. "My father bought this for me, and … I guess I didn't want to hurt his feelings by covering it with a jacket."

I felt myself tense, suddenly not liking that shirt on her anymore, despite the fact that it sheathed every angle of her perfectly. I was also pissed off that _The_ _Colonel_ would have his daughter go out cold, because he couldn't pull his head out of his ass long enough to know she wasn't acclimatized to Forks yet.

She glanced sideways at me her expression furrowing. I'd been sitting scowling to myself and she'd caught me.

"Edward," she breeched, her eyebrows bunching together, "you're doing that face again."

I straightened myself out immediately, hating the way her eyes deepened the way they did whenever she looked at me with uncertainty. She'd looked at me like that too many times in the six months I'd known her.

Sorry, Babes, just thinking," I said quickly throwing her a too hastily put together grin.

Her lips twitched slightly and as she turned to glance at me all uncertainty in her expression dissolved. "Did you just call me babes?" she repeated, quirking her eyebrow.

I rolled my eyes, scoffing with feigned exasperation; secretly relieved it had shifted the mood. "What? Not allowed?"

"Babe makes me cringe. I'll feel like that pig from … that movie. Besides"—she lowered the tone of her voice and turned her attention back to the road; the smile still ghosting over her lips—"Jake calls Ness the same thing."

_Ugh!_

"Nice to know I make you cringe, _baby cakes_," I teased her, grabbing her leg and squeezing playfully.

She donged my hand with her fist, before changing gears. "Behave!"

It was pleasing to know that with a sappy word, and a mild mannered amount of groping, I could turn the haunted look in her eyes to bright and expressive again.

I was definitely filing that one away.

"What? You don't like me sounding like Jake?" I asked teasing her, continuing before she could reply. "I wuv you, Belly Welly."

She almost choked, a grimace mixing in with her amusement. "Oh my God, Edward, don't. That is so cheesy. You'll make me chuck."

"Chuck _Wood_? I teased her after my laughter had died down.

She sighed and shook her head, her usually shrewd smile, turning warm. "There's no hope for you, Edward," she mumbled softly to herself, her tone full of affection.

I returned her smile tenderly before resting my hand on her leg, this time squeezing it gently. She placed her right hand over mine, grabbing my fingers in her palm, and continued driving as she chewed absently on her bottom lip, with the barest hint of a smile.

"Okay, let me know when we come to the turn off. I always bloody miss it," Bella said, after a few moments of silence where I was sure the extent of her smile was at the expense of my clammy fingers.

"_Bugger_! You missed it!" I replied, fully feigning seriousness.

Bella immediately turned to me, a flustered expression on her face, before she realized I was joking, and only a split second before I burst into laughter.

"Edward, that's not funny!" she protested, scowling at me good naturedly, before the smirk was more prominent than her offense. She whacked me in the chest, and moved to hit me again, before I caught her hand and brought it to my lips.

"I'm sorry, baby," I said, trying to suppress my chuckling. "It's about a mile up ahead."

"You love to mock me, don't you?" she replied, releasing her breath and half rolling her eyes, half shaking her head.

"I can't help it; I love your _bogan_ language." This time the chuckle escaped me in a snorting gush.

Her lips thinned, and she pulled her hand from my grip and pressed her fingers into her brow. "Edward…" she complained with a sigh, "you're making me feel self-conscious."

"I'm sorry," I said gently, deliberately putting too much sap into it, and making the grin twitch to the surface again. I reached over and cupped the inside of her upper thigh in my palm, making her almost flinch. "Belly Welly, honey bear?"

Her lips tugged almost impulsively, before, with an affectionate, amused—slightly cynical—expression canvassing her face, she shook her head lightly to herself again.

Oh yeah, I had it nailed. I finally knew how to charm Little Miss Stubborn.

**...**

We reached Port Angeles shortly after. Bella found a place to park close to the movie complex, and we jumped out.

"Here, baby, put this on," I said gently, placing my jacket over her shoulders, and gathering her hair from beneath it.

She eagerly slipped into it, before bringing the sleeve to her nose and inhaling.

She was smelling my jacket?

"Aren't you a sweetheart," she said, snuggling into me as I snaked my arm over her shoulder.

I led her in the direction of the cinema when she stopped me and looked up and down the street as if she was searching for someone. Before I could enquire, she elaborated, "Is there a chemist around here? Alice said there was."

I felt myself immediately grin, though I tried my hardest to conceal it.

"Chemist?" I asked feigning ignorance, though I knew from being in Australia that a Chemist was a drug store.

She huffed, her cheeks flushing deeply for a moment. "Chemist is wrong? Seriously?" She sounded annoyed.

My grin broadened. "What do you need, Bella?"

She opened her mouth to answer, but paused. "It … it's for you as much as it is for me." Her face tinged again.

This piqued my curiosity, and I gazed down at her; she was tugging on her lower lip again. "What is it, baby?"

She released her breath. "I have a prescription for the birth control pill."

For a moment I wasn't sure how to react. My first thoughts were of having sex with her again—completely uncovered, something which immediately caused me a burning hot boner, followed by a freaking new surge in my body temperature.

"You sure? I mean, there's no rush?" What the fuck was I saying? I had to get freaking interfering Alice out of my head.

But Bella only grinned at me wryly. "I'm sure, Edward. I'm the product of a teenage mother. It's not exactly a legacy I want to continue, and …" her tone turned soft, "I wouldn't do that to you either."

My heart suddenly felt flooded. It was fucked up how much I loved her.

"Baby … you know if anything ever happened like that, I'd never leave you?" I'd _never_ abandon her, but I suddenly knew how to deflate my hard ons when I needed to; think about getting Bella pregnant.

A cold shiver ran through me at the prospect.

Her smile turned tender, and a raw emotion seeped into her expression; making her eyes do that haunted shit again. "I know you wouldn't, Edward, but that's why I'm getting this pill, so we're never put in that position," she said, before muttering something further. It was something I think she meant to be under her breath, but it was loud enough for me to catch.

"And so I won't turn into my mother."

I tensed, feeling my jaw clench at the very mention of that trash whore. It was inconceivable that Bella could be _anything _like her.

She immediately realized that I'd heard her, and in an instant her whole demeanor changed. A helplessness came over her expression before she quickly masked it—it reminded me of the Bella when we first arrived in Australia. The Bella that had completely cut me off and out of her life.

I had to distract her, and fast.

"Well, come on then, baby cakes, let's go and find a _Chemist_," I teased her, lowering my head to nuzzle her neck, while I slipped my hand under the jacket, and discreetly grazed my fingers over her breast.

"Edward!" she exclaimed in surprise, trying to keep her voice hushed as her face flashed with heat. She quickly pulled my hand away before exhaling into that knowing and tender smile of hers.

Fuck, I was good!

We went in search of a drug store, finding one a block away. I paid for her birth control—whipping out a twenty dollar note from my pocket and handing it to the cashier, while Bella rummaged through her purse for the right amount.

I figured I was going to benefit the most from it, so it was the least I could do. Of course, it was worth it alone for how much it frustrated the hell out of her. She spent the entire walk to the cinema insisting on paying me back, and when I kept flatly refusing she tried to shove the money down my front pockets. Though, it kept her thoughts well away from her trailer trash mother; she laughed the whole time.

When we got to the cinema there was already a mile long line for the crappy vampire movie she wanted to see. Unfortunately, it wasn't that large a crowd that it was sold out. I bought two tickets before Bella and I joined the back of the queue.

I grabbed her hand and pulled her against me, before looking down—straight at her cleavage, exposed from that fucking t-shirt _'The General' _had bought her. I immediately went tense, and didn't know whether it was because I was pissed off or horny. She was wearing a black bra; it looked like the same one she'd worn in Sydney...

Bella, ever perceptive, cocked her head, looking up at me, and I had exactly two seconds to straighten out my expression. Her eyebrows were piqued, and before she could tell me I was doing _that face_, or ask me if I was OK, I quickly intercepted her. "I think I'll go and get the popcorn and drinks while we're waiting. What would you like?"

Her brow puckered as she contemplated for a moment. "Um … a lemonade."

I only continued to gaze at her, this time well and truly stumped, and I didn't know how to tell her gently that the cinema didn't sell lemonade. "Erm … a-are you sure you want lemonade?"

Her expression immediately turned cynical and frustrated, and it was all I could do not to openly laugh. I placed my hand over my mouth in the guise of rubbing my chin to prevent her from seeing my reaction, but it was obvious she didn't buy it?

"Lemonade is _wrong_? Are you kidding me?" she huffed. "I've been gone for two weeks, and now I feel like I'm back to my first day in Forks."

Jesus, she was so freaking adorable, and before I could properly smother it, I expelled an amused breath through my nose.

She sighed deeply, breaking into a wry grin and lightly shaking her head to herself, conceding.

"Explain to me what lemonade is in Australia?" I asked, chuckling gently.

"Clear, fizzy…"

Recognition hit me. "Sweetie, do you mean _Sprite?"_

"Sweetie?" she asked skeptically, quirking her eyebrows; her only response.

I released my breath, groaning in feigned frustration before wrapping my elbow around her neck, pulling her to me. "You're killing me here, _baby cakes_. Ok, stay put for a minute, I'll be back with popcorn and _lemonade_." I winked at her, and she elbowed me in the ribs before I could move away.

By the time I'd returned with the snacks, the queue of people was slowly filing into the cinema. I caught up with Bella inside; she'd found us a seat in the far back corner. I sat beside her and passed her drink to her. "One _Sprite_, and they didn't have _Chokito Bars_, honey bear, sorry."

She bit down on her bottom lip, attempting to scowl but breaking into a small smile. "Very funny, Edward—and I told you in Australia that I didn't like Chokito Bars!"

I passed her the bucket of popcorn, and wrapped my arm around her, pulling her closer to me. "I have no idea what a Chokito bar is, baby."

She sighed, conceding again. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Shhh…" I teased her, putting my finger to my lips. The crappy movie was starting.

She only rolled her eyes at me.

I made it through the first twenty minutes before I gave up trying to follow it and decided to take advantage of having Bella next to me in a darkened room.

I kept angling her face toward mine, trying to get her to engage with me, but she stubbornly held me off for the majority of the movie. Eventually, she seemed to surrender, and the combined taste of popcorn, soda and Jujy Fruits on her lips almost made me rabid.

Again, she kissed me with more depth, more intensity, while her hand ran around to the back of my neck, her fingers burying in my hair; completely inundating and awakening me. Every single time she enslaved me; turning me into a sack of horny, drooling impulses just by kissing me. I had no idea whether she had some kind of power of persuasion, or I was just this much of a pussy, but when the lights turned on, her mouth disconnected from mine and she switched off the seduction without seeming to suffer any of the torment that I did.

The problem was that just kissing her was never enough. I wanted all of her all the time.

And I wasn't grieving...

Alice had to be wrong!

We walked out of the cinema, my arm wrapped over her shoulders, completely drunk on her and barely able to control the beast in my pants, while my skin was burning to the surface. Being perpetually on the cusp of arousal was just my reality now that Bella was my girlfriend.

We drove back to Forks where Bella dropped me home. She switched off the ignition and turned to me; her eyes dark and endless in the dimness of dusk.

"Later, Alligator," she said gently, leaning toward me.

I met her half way, cupping her face in my palms and kissing her tenderly but briefly before I released her. I couldn't allow her to conquer me again, or I'd have to seriously whack off in the shower, and Emmett was astutely aware of things like that.

"While, Crocodile," I replied, my voice low and husky—already completely affected by her. I kissed her once more on her partially open mouth, and then jumped out of her jeep before my impulses took control and I dragged her into the backseat.

I walked to the porch, turning around to see her car retreating down the driveway before opening the front door and stepping inside.

"Oh, there you are, sweetheart. Were you out with Bella?" Mom asked me, coming over to me and wiping something off my face with her licked fingers.

"Yeah," I replied, wanting to cringe away from her and make a hasty retreat for my room before she could recall the meaning of _root_ again.

"I ran into her father today—lovely man. He and Bella are joining us tomorrow for Dinner."

_Fuck!_

* * *

_**A/N: So you know your poison; lurk, review, flame, pm, flounce...**_


	44. Misconceptions

**A/N: I know this has been a shitty angsty story at times, but I promise after three years in the making it WILL be a HEA.**

* * *

**Chapter 44**

**Misconceptions**

**Bella's POV**

Edward made his intentions for the dinner clear from very early on; he did not like my father and he was determined to make him—and everyone that was sitting around the dining table—aware of it. But what wasn't so apparent to me, and infinitely worse than Edward just not liking him, was the fact that he also blamed Charlie for my upbringing, for Renee—for all of it.

And he didn't shy away from telling him so.

To be fair, I _knew_ Edward didn't like my father. I wasn't completely naïve, and as much as I wanted to keep my head safely buried in the sand, I knew Edward felt this way from the moment he saw Charlie at Port Angeles airport, but that's as far as it went. I had no idea just how deeply his feelings, or misconceptions went.

In hindsight I _should_ have known. The look he'd given Charlie was identical to the one he'd given me on my first day at Forks High when he thought I had wrongly attacked Alice. Only this time it wasn't Alice he was protecting, it was me._ That_ I was aware of, and yet I did nothing—I said nothing. I didn't know how to bring it up without ruining this deluded, post-Australian-Edward utopia that I was desperately trying to hang on to.

Just like I had always done when I didn't want to confront something, I pretended it wasn't happening. If only I'd had the spine to resolve it before it reached boiling point, it all could have been avoided, but my cowardice had aided and abetted every disaster with Edward since I'd met him—from the afternoon after condom testing, to Edward's accident, and to finally what had happened between Edward and my father tonight.

The more things changed, the more they stayed the same…

I'd felt sick all day. I _knew _Edward; I knew how he would react. He didn't contact me all day, and if it wasn't for one of my failed attempts at bringing the issue of my father up with him on the eleventh hour, I wouldn't have been sure he was even aware that the dinner was taking place.

**See you tonight**, I had texted to him after deliberating for forty minutes on the idea of pleading with him to let whatever was fuelling him go—if just for tonight.

**Yeah**, was all he had replied with, and from that moment on I knew it was going to be bad.

Bad? I _wish _it had gone bad. Bad would have been a success story next to the complete disaster that had taken place.

…

**Well, at least you now know my two dumbass middle names**, Edward messaged me as I rode home afterwards with a murderous looking Charlie.

"Fuck you!" I blurted aloud in response, earning a glare from my father in the process. I ignored him, and while trembling with anger, I attempted to relay it through text message back to him. Of course, my stupid phone auto corrected it to read "Duck you".

I switched it off.

Yes, I now knew his two middle names. Esme had hollered them across the table at him. "EDWARD ANTHONY MASEN CULLEN! You are _so_ grounded, Mister!"

I knew it was one of his lame attempts to appease me, but there would be no appeasing me, nor would groping me and teasing me about my accent gain him any leeway; not this time.

I felt absolutely wretched. As much as I felt burdened by at least half the blame, I was so irately mad at Edward that I was physically shaking. But, at the same time, I knew it was everything my heart and lungs were doing to prevent me from bursting into tears. I fought to stave them off at the bare minimum, and only because I refused point-blank to cry in front of Charlie.

In the end, the sheer force of emotion I was struggling with overpowered all my resolve, and as I sat in the steely tense company of my father, tears silently streaked my face.

"What is the matter with you, Isabella?" he suddenly barked out in the small confinement of my truck. He wasn't enquiring about the obvious presence of my tears. In fact, I doubt he was even aware of them.

When I didn't answer he continued, "You left Australia to get away from the negative influence of your mother, and I send you here and you automatically find the most destructive person in town."

I opened my mouth impulsively to immediately defend Edward, when I promptly closed it again.

Destructive? Was that what he was? I wouldn't have used that exact word to describe him. Unpredictable, volatile and irrationally over protective—_that's_ how I'd describe him.

But he was also sweet, caring and incredibly selfless.

Fresh tears spilled down my face, blurring my vision and plunging me headlong into complete misery. I didn't fight them or try to conceal them from Charlie, and this time he was well aware of them. It only seemed to incense him more, and so, for the short drive home, I listened to him rage on about Edward, letting his words sink in and cement in my mind. It destroyed all my anger, and filled me with a heart wrenching truth. As much as every fiber within me wanted to defend Edward, to tell my father about the Edward in Australia and what he'd done for me, I didn't. Because I feared_ that_ Edward didn't exist any longer; that he never had.

Charlie pulled my truck to a stop beside Jacob's Volkswagen, switched off the engine, and turned to look at me. "Your uncle told me that not long ago this _boyfriend_ of yours got drunk and almost killed himself—but I gave you the benefit of the doubt, believing that people make mistakes and you were a smart girl. _Now,_ I find out that this kid is the same kid that put your cousin Jacob in the hospital. So, what I'm wondering now is what exactly have you been thinking these last several months? Is this some kind of psychology for you?"

Again, I opened my mouth, but I had no words. Instead, inhaling back my tenuous emotion, and attempting to wipe my face dry, I turned my head and met his razor-sharp gaze. His hard intimidating eyes held mine, resonating with an unforgiving disappointment, and I was immediately engulfed by a sense of shame.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. It was all I knew what to say, but it was true. I was so sorry that _my boyfriend_ had treated him so terribly.

"You're _smarter_ than this, and you're better than that wise ass, disrespectful little punk! If I ever see him again I'll knock that chip off his shoulder whether his mother is there to protect him or not!" Were Charlie's last seething words before he got out of the truck, slamming the door so hard that the entire cabin shook violently, making me fear the windscreen would shatter.

I followed meekly behind him, feeling my blood run cold by his last admission. If truth be told, I really thought he would do something to Edward tonight despite both Esme and Carlisle's presence. Instead, in the face of Edward's tirade of accusations, Charlie slammed both of his fists down on the table, startling the whole party into silence, before he rose deliberately to his feet. He glared at Edward with so much disgust and anger that I held my breath in fear.

"I think you've said quite enough, young man," Charlie spoke lowly, his jaw muscles clenching, making it obvious that his words were also a direct warning.

And Edward being Edward only blatantly snorted. "I haven't said even half as much as you deserve."

"Edward—STOP!" I yelled, interjecting what I was almost certain was going to be a physical retaliation on my father's part. "Just, please … stop!" My voice broke, and I took a hasty breath in to prevent the tears I could feel building.

An emotion had flickered across Edward's face and immediately his trajectory changed. It was as if he'd suddenly realized the enormity of his actions. His eyes widened, and he blinked and opened his mouth to speak, but seemed to stutter. I tore my eyes from his, not wanting him to see how vulnerable and defeated I was feeling, when The General grabbed my arm.

"I think we'll call it a night," he spoke in a rough, hostile tone to Mrs Cullen—making me want to cringe—before he began pulling me along with him as we left the room, and eventually the house.

Before we were out of earshot Esme let loose on Edward, and the response from him startled me. "You have no fucking clue—none of you!"

As my father continued to pull me through the door and towards my car, my heart began to quicken in a fearful disbelief. This was not the Edward I knew, but then maybe I didn't know Edward at all.

…

Charlie entered the house several steps ahead of me and slammed the door behind him, leaving me remaining outside. So, wanting nothing but to avoid the inquisition I was sure to face the moment I followed him in the house, I sat down on the doorstep, buried my face in my hands, and surrendered myself to the absolute inevitable.

This façade of a new beginning that I had been so careful to create was well and truly crumbling around me, and again on the other side of the world, thousands of miles from Renee, I was still the same person making the same mistakes, having learned, seemingly, nothing. And the one person who helped me conquer the syndrome of my mother was now the one turning my life into turmoil; the one hurting me most.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed when I realized Jacob was sitting beside me; I was too lost in misery and with it, the pitiful realization of deja vu. After all, how many nights had I spent in this same position, pathetically fetal and feeling like everything was beyond my control, back in Australia?

"Jeez, Bells, you know I'm gonna have to kick his ass, don't you?" Jake said with a pitiful tenderness towards me as he slung his giant arm around me, pulling me close to him.

I couldn't respond; I didn't know what to say. I was torn down the middle between Edward and my father, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't find a neutral place to comfort me; not without tearing my heart in two. It was a hopeless situation, and one that was destined to cause me heart ache and not much else.

I nodded pathetically, incoherently, and pressed myself further into the warmth of his arms, noticing only the fact that his skin wasn't as warm as Edward's, and feeling emptier because of it.

"In a way I kind of understand, even Uncle Charlie does, you know. I heard him tell Dad that he thought Cullen had—,"

"_Edward_," I immediately corrected him. It was more of an impulse than anything else.

"Edward," Jake repeated, and I could hear the eye roll in his tone before he continued, "he said he thought _Edward _had guts and that he obviously loved you, but surely he knew about your dad, Bells?"

It was a question that immediately snapped me out of my stupor.

What did Edward know about my father? I had let him know all about my mother, but my father?

"I-I didn't really talk about Charlie with Edward…" I let the sentence fade away as my mind quickly raced over every conversation I'd had with Edward in Australia.

We hadn't had a single conversation where The General was concerned, so where had Edward come to his conclusions?

With sudden resolve I pulled myself from Jake's arms and stood up. I had to fully understand Edward's mindset—I _had_ to fix this.

I walked inside and quickly scaled the stairs to my room. Charlie and Uncle Billy were in the kitchen, no doubt discussing me and my abysmal choice of boyfriend. While I couldn't change the events that had taken place tonight, I knew there was a way I could redeem it—it was still salvageable. The General might never like Edward, and Edward he, but if I could get them to both understand each other's perspective…

I closed my bedroom door behind me and hastily turned my phone back on. It immediately alerted me to five missed calls and ten text messages from Edward, and three missed calls from Alice.

Alice.

Ignoring Edward for the time being, I quickly called Alice back.

"Oh my God, Bella—I can't believe Edward—Mum is going ballistic, and he—he's gone off the rails—oh my God, are you okay? Bella—I'm so sorry—are you ok? I'm so sorry!" Alice gushed out hastily before I had a chance to speak, sounding genuinely rattled. This was just moments before I heard the muffled voice of Edward in the background, and Alice holler in reply, "Edward, NO—I won't give you the phone!"

In a panic, I hung up.

I called back a couple of minutes later, when my heart had calmed down to a point where I was functional again.

"Hi Bella—I locked my door. I'm sorry about before. Are you ok?" she was whispering this time, her voice remaining full of uneasiness.

"I'm ok, Alice. Sorry I didn't call you back earlier; I turned my phone off," I explained, letting out the breath I'd been all but holding in when there was no repeat of Edward in the background.

She scoffed, creating a static, white noise sound over the phone. "No need to apologise. I completely understand."

"Alice, I have to know—what does he know about my father—we barely talked about him. Did Nummi or Rach say anything to him?" I asked.

There was a pause before Alice answered, sounding unsure, "He was mentioned more in passing. Like, for example, I asked if he'd ever come to visit you, and Carol mentioned that he had a couple of times—Bella, like usual, Edward has presumed everything and acted on impulse, but I think this time he realises…" Her voice turned soft, remorseful—as usual. It seemed to be a prominent emotion whenever Alice referred to Edward.

I shook my head to myself. "I should have brought it up. I could see he was stewing over it," I mumbled, massaging my brow with my fingertips.

If I'd just spoken to him! Communication—we were supposed to be working on it. Every disaster between us was due to the lack of it.

I groaned out loud.

"Bella, Edward isn't a little boy, he has to learn to friggen think before he acts"—Edward's obscured voice suddenly interjected again, and Alice immediately responded—"yes, I'm telling Bella exactly what a douche you are, Edward!"

Oh God…

"Alice, I'd better go." I sighed. No matter what the circumstances were tonight, my defence mechanism regarding Edward was starting to kick in, but I knew I couldn't speak to him until I could start thinking rationally—without letting my emotions get the better of me.

Alice breathed brashly into the receiver. "Mum told him that he wasn't emotionally mature enough to be in an adult relationship with you, and he lost it. He's so angry, but he's also upset. I know he's completely freaking out of control, but his sense of protection of you, Bella, is what's fuelling him."

Her words were like a blow straight into my chest that quickly began burning through me. I nodded, struggling with my emotion. "I know ..." I spoke in a fractured whisper that immediately broke.

"Oh, Bella, please don't—I could kill him!"

But it was too late. I was sobbing, and Alice right along with me.

Before I hung up, Alice had insistently decided on coming over to spend the night with me, and I was secretly relieved. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep a wink with the weight of this on my mind, and Alice knew Edward better than anyone else. She could help me decide what the hell I was supposed to do next.

After hastily washing my face in the hall bathroom, I went back downstairs where I found Uncle Billy and Charlie still in the kitchen speaking together lowly. They both looked over to me when I entered the room, and as Charlie's eyes fixed on mine they were continuing to burn with anger and disappointment. Shying reflexively from him, I met the sedate, sympathetic gaze of my Uncle.

Clearing the lingering emotion from my throat, I spoke up sounding meek and pitiful, "Uncle Billy, would it be okay if Alice spent the night?"

"That's fine, Bella," he replied using a tone that emphasized tenderness, giving me a small smile.

After saying goodnight to them both, I retreated back to my room, hearing The General ask as I was half way up the stairs, "Is that girl anything like her brother?"

I closed my door, resting my back against it and sighing heavily. My father had this incredible ability to make me feel like I had failed in every sense of the word, and embed in me this horrible shame that felt like it was eating me from the inside out.

My phone buzzed, and reluctantly I dragged myself to my bed and picked it up. I had seven missed messages from Edward; in the five minutes that I'd been out of my room, Edward had messaged me a further seven times.

Taking a dejected breath, I clicked open his messages before I could talk myself out of it.

**Bella, please call me. We have to talk about this. Please don't let this end us. Please, baby.**

It impacted me immediately, and I switched my phone back off, rubbing my forehead roughly with the heel of my palm to hold off the emotion that was suddenly aching in my forehead again.

"Bloody hell, Edward…" I muttered bleakly to myself.

I couldn't respond to him until I was positive my head was controlling my heart and I could remain rational, but the notion of "ending us" over what had happened hadn't really crossed my mind. As much as I was angry with Edward—lividly angry with him—I knew deep down his actions weren't an attack on my father as much as they were about his brand of gallantry. He loved me enough to stand up to my father—even if his preconceptions regarding him were stemmed from his experiences with my mother. Still, the only person who had ever stood up for me like this before was Kel, and as much as I loved her, it was as much as I loved Edward…

**...**

By the time Alice arrived, I wasn't as affected by the night's events as much as I was determinedly resolved to fix it. But with Alice came the reality of the situation, of the validation of Edward's unpredictability; and of how much our relationship was lacking

"How can I hate him, Alice? Everything he did was in defence of me," I burst after the verity of Alice's assertions began to put me in a melancholy mood.

"I know!" she agreed passionately. "He does it _all_ for you, and it makes it so darn hard to be angry at him!"

I released my breath in one long, drawn out, wavering sigh. "It seems like a hopeless mess. How am I ever going to get The General to understand things from Edward's point of view—or Edward from his?"

Alice made a soft nasally sound, and when I looked up she was smiling at me. "It's so cute how you call him The General, Bella." I felt my cheeks tinge, but before I could elaborate on it, Alice continued—in a more delicate tone, "I've heard you call him The General and Charlie, but never … _Dad_…"

I opened my mouth to answer but closed it again as I contemplated it. I shrugged. "I guess that's because he isn't really—in-in the organic sense."

Alice nodded and then breached gently, "I think Edward picked up on that too."

My breath caught at the back of my throat; it was a revelation that almost physically jolted me. "Of course he would…" I agreed in resignation, groaning, before I dropped my head into my palms. "Oh my God … this is all my fault."

"Of course it isn't, Bella!" Alice snapped sounding suddenly impatient. I looked back up and into her blazing eyes. She looked genuinely pissed. "Just because you chose not to disclose everything about your father doesn't mean Edward had the right to make his own conclusions and act upon it. This is all his fault, and he's got to start realising the consequences of his actions—and you, Bella, have to stop taking responsibility for everything he does!"

I shook my head as a nervous energy began to grow in my chest. "At the prom we agreed we'd work on our communication, and I know for my part I haven't."

Alice sighed and shook her head more or less to herself. "Bella, come on. He could have easily asked you about your father. _That's_ the sort of thing you do to work on communication."

I gripped my forehead in frustration, feeling the ridges that were creasing it with my fingers. "I knew, Alice—all along, I knew. I knew he had come to his own conclusions about my father, but … but … things were starting to creep back."

Alice's brow puckered in confusion. "What was creeping back?"

"Old Edward—unpredictable Edward; the Edward from before the accident, who you never know how he'll react to something at any given minute." And pathetically I broke down again, managing to get out the rest between sobs. "The Edward that scares the hell out of me."

"Bella," Alice hedged with a gentle—almost pitifully so—tone, "that isn't old Edward, that's _Edward_."

* * *

**A/N: MWAH for reading. You're doing better than me; I've flounced this fic multiple times.**

**I'll shut up now...**


	45. Crossroads

**A/N: Charlie gets explained from Bella's pov...**

* * *

**Chapter 45**

**Crossroads**

**Bella's POV**

I didn't sleep a wink—even if Alice's snoring would have allowed it. I couldn't get her words out of my head, and it presented me with a very obvious, but no less, angst ridden question. Did I even know Edward at all?

I'd spent the last six months of my life trying to work him out, but it seemed all I had really done was refuse to accept him for who he really was. The amazing, selfless person he was during our two weeks in Australia was the same hot-headed, unpredictable person he was tonight.

This is who he is!

I'd fully embraced what I loved about him, but had refused to acknowledge what I didn't. Maybe if I had, I could have prevented what had happened with him and my father. I could have intercepted him before it came to this.

I could have made him understand Charlie, even in the barest sense of the word.

Okay, so I'd fucked it up again with my pathological refusal to accept certain brutal truths, but I refused to accept that I couldn't somehow redeem it all.

I had to.

At around 5:00am I realised sleep was futile and got up to caffeinate myself. Besides, Alice was vocalising what I'm sure was an erotic dream about Jazz and I was eager to get away before the details got any more graphic.

She spoke in her sleep more than Edward…

When I shuffled half blind into the kitchen and flipped on the light, I was confronted by Uncle Billy. Sucking in my breath violently, I almost jumped out of my skin. He was sitting at the breakfast table in the dim, predawn light.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," he spoke softly, flashing me a warm smile, "I like to watch the sunrise. Come and take a seat." He pulled out the chair beside him.

Releasing my breath, I sat down, clamped my hands in my lap before reluctantly looking up to meet his gaze. My father always made me feel miniscule, even more so after the events of last night, but Uncle Billy always had a calm, sedate air about him. Even still, I feared he was about to reproach me.

"Your father wants me to stop you from seeing Edward after he's gone," he said seriously, gauging me steadily while my heart sank like a rock.

I dropped my head to my hand, sighing heavily and fighting to keep it beneath my breath. "After last night, I can't say I'm surprised."

"I'm not going to, Bella."

I looked back up at him, taken aback.

He elaborated, "You're almost eighteen; I can't tell you who you can and can't be friends with. And look, while I've seen enough of Edward to want you to stay away from him, I also know he's not a bad kid. He really has to learn some impulse control, but I can't fault him for fighting for you, Bella. Even your father can't."

My chest swelled with an immediate sense of hope. I nodded, unable to speak for a moment as I combated the tears that were steadily welling in my eyes—bloody drama queen that I was.

I failed.

Billy pulled out a handkerchief from his dressing gown pocket and handed it to me, his smile turning affectionate.

I quickly dried my face, continuing to nod—if only to get control of myself. "He isn't _bad_, Uncle Billy. I mean, he drives me _crazy_, but he isn't bad."

"Of course he isn't," he replied gently. "Mrs Cullen called last night—she wanted to get my okay about Alice spending the night initially, but she asked to speak to your father. She apologised for Edward's behaviour and attempted to explain what brought about his outburst," he paused, seeming to gauge my reaction.

I only nodded, afraid suddenly to take a breath.

"It seems Edward was affected by what he witnessed of your life in Australia, and with the absence of your father for most of your life, he blames him in part for what you went through."

I nodded again, releasing my bated breath into a deep sigh and feeling my shoulders fall in sync with my heart. "I shouldn't have let him go," I mumbled more or less to myself.

"Bella, you needed support, and I was actually quite relieved to know Alice was accompanying you—Edward ... not so much, but no father wants his daughter thousands of miles away in another country with her boyfriend." He threw me a quick grin, while my heart quite literally flooded.

He was referring to me as his daughter...

I only nodded for the third time, quicker this time, and feeling meek and ridiculous as more tears began to build in my throat. I could only smile at him, emotion threatening to get the better of me.

Uncle Billy smiled back, tenderly, before taking a measured breath and continuing, "Edward's huge reaction to your father is proof he has some pretty strong feelings for you, Bella, but he can't possibly understand your father's situation with you. He doesn't realise that people do the best with the circumstances they're handed. Your father was faced with incredible limitations—something I can tell you has kept him up at night for most of your life."

Again, all I could do was nod, beginning to feel inundated by the honesty of what my Uncle was saying to me, and feeling more and more torn over Edward and Charlie.

I'd put too much on Edward's shoulders in Australia; I realised this now. He'd become caught up in the cataclysm that was my life—how did I expect him to react to Charlie? And my father ... I was always made aware that he loved me, but I never knew the heart ache he suffered at the situation he was faced with.

Fresh, silent tears slipped down my cheeks as I brooded over it, searching for a simple answer, while knowing there was only one thing I had to do. I had to go and see Edward today and make him understand my father's perspective, and then I had to do the same with Charlie regarding Edward.

With a sudden growing resolve, I wiped my eyes and looked up into Billy's caring, staid gaze. "What did Charlie say to Mrs Cullen?" I asked.

"She asked him if he would meet with Edward again, but your father isn't terribly keen on it. He's thinking about it, though."

My heart expanded further with growing optimism, until I could feel the warm smile penetrating my face as my shoulders began to relax. "Thank you, Uncle Billy," I said softly.

"You're welcome, sweetheart," he replied gently, before he pulled up, as if suddenly recalling something. "Bella, where did Edward get the idea that there are no baby photos of you?"

I half shrugged in resignation. "There aren't," I mumbled.

"Bella …" his tone was almost surprised, instantly drawing my attention, "of course there is." I only stared at him, when he abruptly stood up, pushing the air roughly through his nose. "Come on, follow me," he instructed.

He led me to the hallway closet where, after ruffling around and beneath various stored objects, he pulled out an old battered looking photo album. Blowing the dust off the cover, he opened it to allow me to see.

On the first page was a hospital photo of a sleeping, dark haired new born baby with the inscription filled in with pen on a pink card below it.

**Rocherrie District Hospital**

**Isabella Marie Swan**

**September 13th 1995, 2:27 pm**

**6 pounds 11 ounces.**

I drew in my breath, staring down at this photo in absolute disbelief and trying desperately to recognise myself in the face of the baby. I had never seen baby photos of me to compare—to make a connection!

Uncle Billy turned the page, revealing the first photos of Charlie holding a tiny bundle in a pink blanket. Some were at the hospital, with Renee looking sullen in the background, while others were in the drab surroundings of her house, and in all of the photos Charlie gazed down at the baby in his arms with an expression of unfathomable awe.

Page after page, revealed more photos documenting the chubby, dark haired baby's growth. In several, Charlie appeared holding her, but most were of the baby alone; sitting in a bouncing chair, gnawing on her fist with a smile lit up behind it; sitting up on a blanket wearing a pink singlet and cloth nappy, looking like she was laughing at something beyond the photographer; standing up against Renee's ratty looking lounge, beginning to explore her surroundings with a look of stubborn determination on her face; sitting in a stroller eating an ice-cream that covered her face as it dripped down her arm. And the more she grew, the more I recognised myself in her. Photos of first steps, with Santa; birthdays; of her smiling, sleeping, playing. Photos of her first day of school, and school class photos. Photos of her and Charlie at the airport, and sleeping against Charlie's chest on the plane; of her and seven year old Jacob building a snowman; photos of her, Kel, Nummi and Rach; Photos of her and her teddy bear…

There were even photos when I was older, not long before I left for the US; of me sitting at the kitchen table doing my homework; sitting on the front veranda with the sun on my face glancing out into the distance; curled up on my bed reading a book. I had no recollection of Renee or anyone ever taking these photos of me; and in none of them—not one—was there any evidence of the abuse I'd suffered. No cuts or bruises, no marks. It was as if my entire life as I knew it had been erased. As if I had imaged it all, but it was all there, seventeen years of my life documented. A history I had no idea existed.

As I absorbed each and every photo, insatiably almost, I was sobbing, hopelessly, desperately, blurring my vision from a new enlightenment; a new reality. The reality that I had been loved; my life cherished and collected by my father.

"I-I-I have never seen any of these before," I stammered, wiping my face clumsily, unable to tear my eyes from the photos on the pages.

There was a pause, and although I didn't turn in his direction, I felt Billy's demeanour change. I glanced over to him; his expression had gone tense, while his eyes remained sympathetic. "Your … mother used to sell them to Charlie," he explained to me, regrettably.

I froze for a moment allowing myself to absorb his meaning, before I scoffed—almost laughing bitterly. "Of course she did," I muttered.

No wonder there wasn't a single bruise that covered my body in any of the photos. Renee had been orchestrating it all for profit. She hadn't been taking photos of me in the sense that a normal parent would, but to make money from them, and the child in the photos had eagerly gone a long with it, unwittingly, never knowing, but needing and craving attention from her mother nevertheless. Even if it was all an act.

I was suddenly recalling a memory when I was around six or seven. Renee had bought me a new dress, which she put on me before roughly combing my knotted and wayward hair into two pony tails. She'd then dragged me into the back yard where she ordered me to smile, telling me my father wanted photos of me. She knew at any mention of Charlie my face would light up, and she took full advantage of it.

I never saw the dress again after that day.

I closed my eyes as tears continued to spill from beneath them, feeling completely flooded by the existence of these photos, while the bitter truth of my mother tainting them was a constant reminder.

I felt Billy's hand come to a rest on my shoulder and squeeze gently. "Your father would have paid anything to have these, Bella. To have that connection with you when you were so far away."

I nodded, while his gentle reassuring words made my face crumble further from the continued realisation that was threatening to overwhelm me. The realisation—the validation of how important I was in my father's life, despite his absence from mine. That I was loved in a way that I never believed was possible for me.

Billy had closed the album and placed it in my arms. "Take this and keep it in your room, and when you're reminded of your old life, look at the photos inside and know that while your mother might not have loved you, your father always has."

I nodded, looking up at him again. "Uncle Billy?" I breeched, taking a long wavering breath. When he nodded once, I continued, "_I _told Edward there were no photos of me."

He only nodded again in resignation. "It isn't your fault, Bella. I had no idea that you had no idea this album existed."

With the photo album secured in my arm, I threw my other around the neck of my uncle, placing a clumsy kiss on his cheek. "Thank you, Uncle Billy," I whispered, allowing him to squeeze me in response before I released myself.

**...**

When Billy left to get ready for work, I made my way back to my bedroom. Crawling into bed beside a still mumbling Alice, I opened the album and poured over each and every photo. I found the picture from the memory I'd had; of me wearing the blue sailor dress and smiling widely for my father.

I released my breath into a huge gush that caused Alice to stir. It was as if I was looking at an alternate universe of my life, but I was soon brought back down to earth by my baby photos. They were real. I'd been a chubby, happy baby, and it made me consider the very real idea that maybe Renee, once upon a time, _had_ loved me.

I went back to studying the photos, almost becoming obsessed with finding evidence of when my life had changed, when my mother had abandoned me to resentment and alcohol. It was around the age of three or four when I began noticing a trend in the photos, that in spite of the smile on my face, my eyes had begun to appear withdrawn and detached. I also began noticing the almost healed cuts and bruises that aligned my body in several photos. I doubted Charlie would have even noticed; after all what kid doesn't get bumps and scrapes…?

Amongst the collection of baby photos were two nearly identical poses of me sitting outside, wearing a pink polka dot sunhat, and smiling widely. Carefully pealing the plastic back, I removed one of the photos, then crept out of bed and placed it in a compartment in my bag. When I turned back around, Alice was awake and staring down at the photo album with a sleepy kind of confusion, rubbing her eyes. "Is this ... you ... Bella?"

I nodded and sat back down on the bed. "Yeah," I replied, motioning for her to look through them.

When she was finished, the smile she'd had on her face as she'd inspected every photo, soon gave way to confusion again. "I-I thought … I mean Edward said … and."

I nodded quickly in understanding. "I know. I had no idea this album even existed until an hour ago."

Her confusion only seemed to increase. "But … how…?" she began delicately, but seemed to let it go.

I elaborated, feeling my face prickle with a sense of shame. "My mother took all these ... to sell to my father. She never kept any herself."

Alice immediately balked, her eyes widening. "Oh my God…" she whispered, more in resignation than in disbelief, shaking her head softly to herself.

I half shrugged, awkwardly, and dropped my gaze to the album; it was left open on the last page. I was sitting on top of Kel's horse, half smiling, where the shadow cast from the helmet I was wearing stealthily hid the bruise on my cheekbone.

"Are you going to show Edward?" Alice asked me, tactfully, after a moment.

I released my breath before turning to her. "I don't know, but I'm going to see him and talk to him today."

"I hope you make him suffer, Bella," Alice said wryly. "No falling for his charms."

I smiled ironically, scoffing the air through my nose. "Easier said than done," I muttered only half beneath my breath.

**...**

Alice left at midday to meet Jazz, and I followed her as far as the turn off to the street the Hales lived on before I continued out of Forks. I hadn't contacted Edward to let him know I was coming, but since Alice had told me that Esme had grounded him for the rest of his natural life, I was fairly confident he wouldn't be out. I had planned on texting him, but as soon as I switched my phone on this morning I was bombarded by twenty seven more missed messages, eight voice messages and fourteen missed phone calls. It had upset me so much that it almost broke my resolve, though Alice insisted that it was good that I made him stew on the consequences of his actions.

I knew I was partially responsible, despite Alice's impatient assurances that it was all Edward. I had allowed Edward into my life; I'd let him see all my demons, all without ever fully explaining a thing to him. On numerous occasions in Australia—and before—he'd tried to bring up my father, but I had always swayed the topic away. What other conclusion did I expect him to make?

My pride had led to this.

With my stomach a mass of nervous energy, I knocked on the Cullens' front door. It opened a moment later by Esme, who smiled at me with a sedate expression on her face.

"Hello, Bella," she said softly with a small sigh, opening the door for me.

"Hi, Mrs Cullen," I replied, before she took me warmly but briefly into her arms. I tensed, I couldn't prevent it; it was still an inherent reflex with me, despite how much it frustrated me.

"Edward is in his room," she spoke gently, and when I met her eyes they appeared to be swimming with a sense of weariness.

I was positive she must have thought I was a terrible influence on him.

I only flashed her an awkward kind of smile before nodding.

With my heart thudding loudly and sluggishly with each step I took, I scaled the stairs on shaky legs to Edward's room. Stopping outside his door to collect myself, I took a huge breath before knocking.

It swung open a fraction of a second later, and clearly by the look on Edward's face he'd been expecting anyone but me. His expression immediately smoothed out with surprise, turning almost beseeching. "B-Bella..."

"Can we talk?" I asked softly, feeling myself almost instantaneously weaken under his gaze. As usual he looked like he was being assaulted by several emotions at once; the primary one being hope.

He nodded quickly, moving aside for me to enter his room, his hand running back over his head to the nape of his neck.

When he closed the door he turned toward me, but he didn't speak a word; instead with his hand still remaining at the back of his head, he bit down on the inside of his bottom lip, sucking in his cheeks as his gaze locked to the floor.

"Edward..." I gauged him, only to fight the urge to smile when his eyes met mine, "you're doing that face again."

A smile immediately lit up across his face, all askew and toothy, before his breath gushed from him. He closed the distance between us in two steps before, almost roughly, pulling me against him. "I'm sorry, baby," he whispered, wrapping his arms tighter around me.

I nodded before pressing my face against his chest, inhaling him in as I steeled myself for what I had to say to him. "I know. I am too," I whispered.

I felt his lips drop to the top of my head, and his breath wash over me before he spoke, "You've got nothing to be sorry about, Bella. I'm just a fucking prick—I should never have put you in the middle like that."

I pulled from his arms, feeling the warmth of his skin immediately leave mine, and shook my head. "No, Edward. I should have explained Charlie to you before this had a chance of happening."

He notably tensed, his brow puckering into a frown, but he didn't reply; instead, he shrugged.

I knew he wasn't going to be very receptive towards it—he was possibly the most stubborn person I knew—but I had to make him see, to understand—even to empathise with my father.

"Edward ... what you believe about my father, it isn't accurate—at all." I wanted to sound confident and assertive but all I managed to come across as was desperate—desperate for him to believe me.

And of course Edward's only response was to scoff.

I immediately huffed, becoming impatient. "Are you going to listen, or are you going to be your usual arrogant self?"

I half expected him to smirk—that was his usual response whenever I was pissed off—but this time he didn't; he seemed frustrated, almost irritated. "I can't stand here, Bella, while you defend him."

I felt my expression darken. "Like you wouldn't let me defend myself that day after condom testing in Bio?"

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, like that was the same thing."

"It's _exactly_ the same thing—you thinking you know something you DON'T!" I burst, fighting to keep my sudden anger under control.

How the hell could I love someone who made me so mad?

Again he didn't smirk, or give me the bogan Aussie smile; he folded his arms across his chest snorting to himself cynically. "Bella, Rach told me you used to do this your entire life—defend your mother, despite everything she did to you."

This jolted me, and I froze, suddenly so angry I began shaking. Taking an unsteady breath, I began, my tone low and trembling, "Just because you spent two weeks in Australia with my friends, and witnessed ten minutes of my mother doesn't mean you know _FUCK ALL ABOUT MY LIFE_!" I yelled, before turning swiftly away from him, my chest tight and heaving as I angrily swatted the tears from my eyes. "Fuck you, Edward."

"Great," was all I heard him mutter from behind me.

I turned back to him, rigid and rapidly losing my composure. "I never asked you to be my knight in shining armour!"

For the briefest moment his expression piqued before it immediately hardened. "What the hell do you want from me, Bella? Not to give a shit about you? No one has _ever_ been your knight in shining armour—that's your whole problem."

"The only problem I have is YOU. I don't know you at all—and now it's clear to me why I NEVER WANTED TO!" I was yelling again, completely losing control, while angry tears continued to well in my eyes. I took two steps toward the door, ready to push past him, when he reached out and grabbed me, stopping me from taking a further step.

I tried to shrug him off, but he held me tighter. "Okay, _fine, Bella_. Tell me exactly how I've got it wrong about your father. I want to hear it." His tone was seeped with sarcasm.

"Let me go!" I demanded, struggling further against him.

He did, before he burst, "Just FUCKING TELL ME!"

"Why? So you can ridicule me—patronise me?" I attempted to elbow him out of the way, but he seemed to anticipate me.

Stepping away from me, he leaned up against his door folding his arms again, cockily, completely blocking me from leaving. "You came here to _explain your father,_ so do it already! I'm not letting you leave until you do."

"You are such an asshole!" I huffed.

This time he did smirk, putting some of that damn bloody charm into it for good measure.

I felt myself waver, my anger instantly threatening to dissolve. It aggravated the hell out of me—knowing I was so bloody impressionable around him. I spun around with my back facing him, raging to myself as I began to pace back and forth.

How could I make him see…?

Then it came to me.

Turning back to him, I began, my anger and sudden determination helping to embolden me this time. "Imagine you played for the major leagues—"

He interjected, snorting his breath arrogantly through his nose. "I've donated my bone marrow, I have half a spleen—there's no chance that will ever happen."

"Hypothetically!" I snapped. "You play for the major leagues, and your team won the championships and you all went to—New Zealand for a trip to celebrate. Then one night, Rob was throwing a party in his hotel room and you met Jessica Stanley. You were drunk and the two of you had sex—"

For the second time he interrupted me. "I never did anything with Jessica Stanley." He wasn't being arrogant this time; he was declaring his innocence.

"HYPOTHETICALLY!" I screeched out, making him flinch. "You have sex with Jessica Stanley, and then two weeks later, before you're about to return home to America, Jessica tells you she's pregnant," I paused, raising an eyebrow and gauging his reaction.

Recognition had taken hold of his expression. He was realising where I was going.

I continued before he could interrupt again. "What would you do, Edward?" I demanded, my tone becoming sarcastic. "Would you marry her—a person you couldn't stand—and play happy families with her for the sake of a child that you never wanted? Would you give up your life, playing baseball, your family, your _country_ for Jessica Stanley—a complete stranger—and the baby you created? Huh? What would _you_ do?"

By his expression, he seemed to be conceding. He didn't answer; he only contemplated my words.

I placed my hands on my hips, feeling empowered by his reaction. I was getting through to him. "This was the situation my father was placed in. He paid for me—he sent cheques to Renee every month; he wrote me letters—that she never gave me. He sent me presents—that she never gave me. Christmas cards—birthday cards. All that I never got until I was older and could intercept the mail man. He came and visited me whenever the Navy allowed him to. It wasn't very often but he still came all the way to Australia to see me when he got breaks." My voice began wavering, but I pushed through it stubbornly, "He t-took me home to Forks for a month over Christmas when I was eight—paying Renee a lot of money to allow me to go. He—," my voice finally broke and again tears rose to threaten my determination, "he bought every single photo Renee had ever taken of me and kept them all." The tears overflowed until I dropped my head into my hands and let them free for a moment.

Edward was silent, still, and when I finally looked back up at him through my tears, he appeared to be struggling.

Wiping my eyes dry, I waited for him to answer.

He began shaking his head, more forcefully as he weighed everything I'd said, until he snapped, still unconvinced. "Bella—the photos I saw of you, it was blatant that you were abused and underfed—are you telling me that your father _never knew_?"

I scoffed bitterly. "You think for a moment that my mother wasn't cunning enough to hide it from him? She managed to hide it from the entire town for most of my life."

He opened his mouth to reply, but I continued, "I think he suspected. He used to ask me constantly, over and over if everything at home was ok, and every single time I told him it was. Rach is right about me—I used to defend my mother. Out of fear or some sick and twisted sense of loyalty I don't know, but I did. I told my father repeatedly that everything was fine—so much so that when I finally told him the truth I don't think he knew what to make of it."

Placing his hands on his hips, Edward looked down and released what appeared to be every molecule of air from his lungs. He didn't meet my gaze; instead he raised his hand and rubbed at his forehead roughly, squeezing his eyes shut. "Fuck," he muttered.

"Edward," I breeched him gently, taking a single step toward him, "you know me ... I don't like to accept certain realities, so I vault them away. I could have told you about Charlie in Australia—you asked me so many times about him, but instead I let you come to your own conclusions."

He looked up and met my eyes; his were stricken. "I didn't want you to get anymore hurt than what you already were. I figured your father had hurt you as well. Jesus—fuck, baby. I've really fucked it up."

I broke into an impulsive smile, feeling an overwhelming sensation of relief wash over me. "You fuck up a lot—it's one of your most endearing qualities," I teased him.

He grinned, exhaling past it, before his expression hedged more seriously again. "So, does your father still want to kill me?"

"Yep," I said matter-of-factly, as a small smile twitched at his lips.

"I guess I can't blame him," he mumbled, rubbing the back of his head again.

"Edward, I don't want you to feel guilty—" I began before he cut me off by quite literally yanking me into my arms, making a reflexive "oomph" kind of sound burst from me.

He wrapped his arms tightly around me, engulfing me to him. I only clung to him, overcome by this sudden shift in him and feeding directly from these heightened emotions of his. They completely dominated him, and in turn they compromised me, completely overwhelmed me, until every single one of my senses were centred on only him.

"I really suck at this, baby. I'm probably going to fuck it up so many more times—but I'm going through it with you completely fucking blind," he said to me with an impassioned, husky tone that immediately affected me.

Merging myself further against the heated warmth of his skin, I buried my face into his chest in an attempt to push back the flood of emotion that was looming down on me. "It's not just you, Edward. I'm new at this too," I insisted with a trembling voice.

"No more holding back on me—promise me, Bella!"

His voice was too strained, too overwrought, that even as I nodded emphatically, yes, tears were erupting down my face, and soaking his t-shirt.

And then he was kissing me, his hands about my tear streaked face, tangled with my hair that was plastered against my damp skin, as he took me deep down with him. I fast found myself completely overwhelmed and being suddenly controlled only by the constant yearning I struggled with on a daily basis; to lose myself in him; to feel—to know that intimacy with him.

I wasn't my mother; it wasn't just about having sex with him. It went beyond that but inevitably led directly to it. Edward held so much power over me, but it was a power I wanted to give him, and right now, with the heat of his skin seeping into me, I knew I had already surrendered myself to it—to that all-consuming intensity within him.

We were both bare-chested, with Edward's jeans around his ankles when he pulled out of it; I had shamefully and completely submitted to it.

"Fuck," he barely managed, fighting against his rapid breath. "My mother is likely to walk in on us."

With the reality of his words, I was immediately rational.

I was only three days into the month's cycle of birth control pills—we had to wait a full month!

Did I want to get myself pregnant?

It was a horrifying thought.

I _wasn't _my mother!

Letting go of my breath, I rested my forehead against his silken chest, allowing myself to calm.

"Besides," he murmured, momentarily pressing his face into the top of my head before continuing, "I have to apologise to your father first."

* * *

**A/N: These pair are gonna kill me...**


	46. She Believes in Me

**A/N: I dunno WTF happened while I was writing this. Maybe it was Joe Cocker, maybe it was the red wine, maybe because I had a religious experience. It pretty much wrote itself while I was visiting Mars.**

**It's cheesy and corny and complete fluff and puke. Hell I have NFI what the hell I was trying to get across.**

* * *

**Chapter 46**

**She Believes in Me.**

**Edward's POV**

I sat in the front seat of Bella's car attacking my hair, my fingers rigid—my whole fucking body tense, as she drove us back to her house. Bella wasn't finding any amusement in it this time; in fact, she kept glancing at me with concern swimming in her eyes.

"Edward…" she said softly with a sigh before grabbing my hand, preventing me from a second offensive on my hair, "relax—what do you think he's going to do to you?"

"Beat the shit out of me," I muttered, scoffing.

She threw me a wry smirk. "Don't be a dag, and it's not as if he's not expecting you." She kept her grip on my hand and forced it back to my side.

It was Bella's idea to call him and let him know she was bringing me to the house so I could talk to him, but knowing that would make me look like I was hiding behind her, I called him myself.

It was the most painful minute of my life.

Since I called with Bella's phone, he answered with one word, "Isabella." He already sounded pissed, and it was so freaking weird hearing him use her full name that for one dumbass moment I paused, thinking I had the wrong number.

"Uh ... hello, Mr. Swan, it-it's Edward Cullen,' I stammered, while my voice hitched like a pansy ass.

"What can I do for you, _Edward Cullen_?" Not only was he pissed, but he was fucking condescending.

My back immediately tensed, indignant, but I swallowed past it—along with my pride. "I was wondering if you would agree to meet with me so I can apologize for last night, and … and try and explain myself."

"Do you really think there's reason enough to excuse your behavior?"

He was going to make me suffer.

I cleared my throat as my eyes met with Bella's. She flashed me a warm, encouraging grin and grabbed my hand. Sighing beneath my breath I continued, trying to make the tone of my voice sound as fucking humble as possible. "Probably not, but I'd still like to try."

He exhaled roughly into the phone. "I will be back around three pm—don't be late." Then without another word he hung up.

Suffer? The fucker was going to eat me alive.

It took little more than five minutes to drive from my house to Bella's. The last time I'd travelled the distance was when Bella went home sick and Alice had picked me up. Still, it had seemed longer at the time, but then maybe I just really was this much of a pussy.

I followed Bella into the house feeling like a basket case. It was only the second time I'd been in it, and this time it wasn't just Jacob who glared down at me; it was all three of them.

"Cullen," Jacob said to me flatly.

"Jake," I replied with more courtesy than I normally would have given the asshole.

"Hello, Edward," Bella's Uncle then addressed me, with blatant disapproval in his tone.

"Chief Swan," I greeted him, before I turned to Bella's father.

He was glaring at me, his eyes sharp and scrutinizing. They were exactly the same color as Bella's only they couldn't possibly have been more different. "Follow me, boy," he snapped before leading me through the house and outside again via the rear door.

I'd turned to Bella the moment before I followed him; she only smiled warmly and full of encouragement. She didn't look too concerned that he might rip my head off.

He stopped roughly ten feet from the house and turned to me. "Firstly, I have no intention of explaining myself to an eighteen year old kid, you got that?" he barked out, the warning in his tone clear.

I nodded, conceding. "I don't expect you to, Sir."

"Well what do you have to say for yourself?" He folded his arms across his chest, his brow arching with what looked like cynicism.

It was hard to keep myself calm, but I had to remind myself that I'd had the same attitude when Bella had come to see me earlier. I bowed my head and took a measured breath. "I'm really sorry about last night. I-I was wrong," I began earnestly before I explained it all; from the moment I'd met Bella, to finding out about Kel's accident, to going to Australia with her, seeing the photographs of her and then to finally running into her mother.

As I explained Bella being physically attacked by her mother, his eyes narrowed, while his expression creased momentarily before he roughly cleared his throat. It had clearly upset him, and it only validated the fact that this man had been in the dark about Bella's life for most of it.

"I—I mean she doesn't like to talk about her past, her mother—or even you, and I guess I just assumed…" I shrugged and let it go, looking down at the grass beneath my feet.

"I'm well aware of what you assumed," he countered, sounding completely unconvinced by what I'd just said until he continued, his tone softer, "but I'm also aware of how good Isabella is at hiding the truth."

I only nodded and half shrugged.

There was silence for a moment before he broke it, still managing to sound skeptical. "Do you think just because you claim to love my daughter that it gives you a free pass to act the way you did last night?"

"No," I admitted truthfully, shaking my head.

"All right, I'll take you at your word, but I'm warning you now," his eyes darkened and he suddenly became more intimidating—if that was even freaking possible, "if you _ever_ drive my daughter anywhere—even if it's five meters down the driveway—while you have been drinking, I will _tear you apart_. Do you understand?"

I nodded emphatically.

He wasn't finished. "And if you _ever_ lose your temper and lay a finger on her—"

"I'd never _ever_ hurt her like that!" I burst without even realizing it, my tone defiant and feeling every muscle in my body tense, pissed off and fucking indignant that he'd even suggest it.

My father would climb out of his grave and kill me himself, first.

He only eyed me darkly, like he wanted to knock me on my ass, before the smallest smile twitched at his lips. "Okay, from this moment on I expect you to prove yourself." His expression again hardened. "You will not get any allowances from me—is that clear?"

"Crystal," I said quietly, releasing my breath.

And without another word, he walked past me and back into the house.

Fuck me...

A minute later Bella came through the backdoor, walked up to me and threw her arms around my neck.

Feeling a little over-fucking-whelmed, I wrapped my arms tightly around her waist. "Jesus…" I whispered.

"I'm proud of you," she said gently before pressing her lips to my neck and then pulling my head down to merge them with mine.

"Bel-la…?" I managed to get out while her mouth was still against mine. She pulled back. "Can we get out of here? I can feel your father's death stare on me," I admitted, feeling a little more than creeped out by the fact that he was still probably eyeing me off with his daughter pressing her body against mine the way she was.

Bella laughed, softly, breathily. "That might be a bit hard. We're all going to Port Angeles for dinner—you included. Uncle Billy is calling your mother as we speak."

"Oh crap," I muttered, releasing one of my hands from around her to press the heel of it into my forehead. "Do I need to go home and change?"

"Um, Edward, you came here dressed like you were going to church. I think you'll be okay," she teased me, again pressing her lips to the base of my throat, and stirring the beast into action.

I was still on high alert from almost getting her bra off earlier, and this was despite the fucked up berating I just got from her father.

She began running her lips—and what felt like the tip of her nose—over the skin on my neck. I think I made some breathless, groaning sound.

With a reluctant sigh, she released herself from me and stepped down from her toes before grabbing my hand. "Come on, we'll go for a walk and calm you down."

Her dark eyes immediately softened, and I quickly realized she meant it literally.

An hour later we were sitting in the back of a police cruiser—with Jacob between us—on the way to Tendy's Garden for Chinese food.

At the restaurant Bella's father watched me like a hawk, all without speaking a word to me. I didn't dare touch her, let alone put my hand on her leg under the table. Though Bella often squeezed my hand, or put her hand on my shoulder; in fact she barely severed contact between us, all oblivious to the fact that the vein in her father's forehead looked like it was about to burst.

It wasn't until he left for the men's room that I leaned over to Bella and spoke covertly into her ear, "Baby, you're going to have to stop touching me. You're going to give your father an aneurysm, and you're making me as horny as hell."

A small smirk instantly lit up across her face, before her eyes scanned across the table then back to me. She leaned in closer to me and whispered, "I can't do anything about my father, but I can take care of you later."

Fuck!

Who the hell was this girl? She was constantly freaking surprising me.

Toward the end of the night, _The General_ told me I could call him Charlie, and then proceeded to ask me about my GPA and what colleges I was thinking about.

I bullshitted and told him what my GPA was before I'd met Bella, and that I was thinking about University of Seattle. In truth I hadn't even thought about it, though a wiseass side of me had thought about answering him by saying, "Whatever college Bella is going to."

That was closer to the truth—as fucking needy as that made me.

Charlie then turned to Bella and asked her, her GPA.

She only glanced up at him with a blank expression, looking suddenly flustered. "I-I I'm not sure what a GPA is."

I tried not to laugh but it soon came rushing out of my nose after I'd tried to smother it by stuffing a garlic shrimp in my mouth.

Bella's cheeks were suddenly on fire, and I was two seconds from grabbing her hand when Jacob piped up, "She'd be seriously close to a 4.0, Uncle Charlie—she gets A's in everything."

"I got a C in gym," she admitted, mumbling, and elbowing me under the table.

I grabbed her hand, resting it on my knee, when Charlie suddenly cleared his throat sharply, making Bella almost jump, severing our hands.

Dinner was wrapped up not long after.

Again, freaking Jacob wrangled himself between Bella and I, and Chief Swan drove me directly home, completely fucking ruining whatever Bella had planned on _taking care of_ with me.

I was seriously going to have to whack off in the shower later.

I jumped out of the car and turned to Bella's father, offering him an awkward smile. "Thanks, Mr. Swan, for dinner."

"Edward," he replied stiffly, nodding his head once and giving me a _touch-my-daughter-and-you'll-die_ glare.

I turned to Bella and smiled warmly, but then feeling suddenly rebellious—and horny, I winked.

Her eyes widened, before she broke into that all knowing smirk and shook her head lightly to herself.

After a stern sounding, "Good bye, Edward," from the Chief, the car backed down the driveway and disappeared.

I walked through the front door and made my way toward the stairs when my mother intercepted me. "How'd it go, Edward—I'm guessing OK since you were invited to dinner?"

I half shrugged, nodding. "Yeah, it was OK."

"Would you come in the Den? Carlisle and I would like a word with you." She raised her eyebrows, letting me know that although she'd given me the courtesy of asking, it was an instruction.

I immediately groaned. "What now?"

"Just come on," she replied with a trace of impatience in her voice.

I followed her into Carlisle's study and sat down on the sofa. Carlisle was behind his desk, like he usually was, and when I entered he peered at me over the top of his glasses. "Good evening, Edward," he said in his perpetually calm manner, as if every interaction in life was a freaking consultation.

"Hi, Carlisle," I said with an edgy sigh.

My mother turned to me and began. "We have a proposition for you, Edward."

"What...?" I asked her suspiciously.

"If you agree to work with Carlisle for the rest of the summer, I'll agree to you buying another car in October."

"Agree...?" I quirked an eyebrow at her. "In three weeks I'm eighteen; Dad's money will be legally mine."

She folded her arms and sniffed. "Well, no, not technically. You see, your father gave me power of attorney until I felt that you, Alice and Em were mature enough to manage the money yourselves."

"Well that's fucking great—so you're going to hold me to ransom now?" I burst.

"Edward, watch your language!" she ordered me, her eyes narrowing. "No, we're not _holding you to ransom_. It's an incentive to prove that you can be responsible. If so, at the end of the summer I will turn your inheritance over to you."

"Yeah—that's extortion!"

"Oh, Edward, stop acting like a child!" she snapped.

Huffing, I stood abruptly up from the couch. "_Fine,_ then."

"Not so fast," she put up her hands, before indicating for me to sit back down, "there's more." Her tone had suddenly turned ... tactful, making me feel more uneasy.

I remained standing.

"Sit down, Edward, please," Carlisle spoke up quietly. "This isn't a punishment."

I ignored him.

"We also think …" she paused suddenly not sounding so confident anymore. Her eyes flickered to Carlisle before again back to me, "well we think you should limit your time with Bella until school goes back."

"What?" I demanded, my voice rising, immediately fucking pissed off.

"Edward, you're out of control—as usual you have absolutely no control over your emotions to the continued detriment of everyone around you." My mother insisted, before huffing out her breath and turning her back to me.

"This is absolute _bullshit—_keep the fucking money, I don't want it." I raged, taking a step to leave the room when Carlisle was suddenly before me.

"Edward, calm down. Let's talk about this rationally, please." He guided me back to the sofa.

"How am I being _irrational_?" I challenged him.

"Sit down and we'll discuss our concerns with you," Carlisle said calmly in an attempt to placate me.

Begrudgingly I did as he asked.

My mother turned back to me, her expression hard and determined. "This is non-negotiable, Edward. If you refuse to listen, you're going back into counseling."

I was immediately off the sofa again, in one movement. "_TO HELL I AM_!"

"Edward." Carlisle placed his hands on my upper arms, turning to my mother. "Esme, sweetheart, please..."

This time he led me to the chair opposite his desk. I threw myself down in it, rigid and fucking irate.

Carlisle returned to his seat and faced me. "Edward, no one is attacking you here. We're concerned about you and Bella and nothing more."

"What exactly are you _concerned_ about?" I demanded hotly, continuing when he opened his mouth to reply. "The shit with her father was a misunderstanding—I apologized."

Carlisle sighed, looking momentarily down at the pen in his hands before meeting my gaze again. "It isn't only that, Edward. Do you remember the afternoon we made you watch the birth video—and at the end I told your mother that I was more worried about you and Bella than I was about Emmett and Alice?"

"Yes," I muttered.

"I wasn't suggesting that you and Bella would be irresponsible and get pregnant, but the fact remains that since you've met Bella, you have become more uptight, more aggressive—your grades have suffered—not to mention almost killing yourself, which Alice informed us was _directly_ related to Bella."

_Fucking little rat!_ I fumed to myself.

Carlisle gave me a minute, before continuing, "We're not saying that Bella is bad for you, Edward. Quite the opposite; she is very good for you, but it's very evident that you are struggling to process the enormity of this relationship the two of you have found yourselves in."

I snorted. "Well thank you very much, Sigmund Freud, but I understand exactly what's going on with me and Bella. I realize we started off with unusual circumstances, but we're still working it out. I mean Jesus fucking Christ—who in this house has a perfect relationship?"

Mom came to stand beside me. "That isn't the point, sweetheart." She was calmer this time. "There is a destructive element that is attached with Bella that we're concerned about. I see it in your face, this overprotectiveness you have for her is torturing you."

I huffed out my breath impatiently. "So, it _wouldn't_ torture you to see Carlisle in pain?"

"Edward," Carlisle sighed deeply, "you're a person that has incredibly strong emotions, and what you're feeling for Bella has made it all increase to the point that you've becoming extremely high strung. You have to learn to control it or you will find yourself making the same very destructive decisions that will eventually push Bella away."

I took in his words before exhaling deeply, dropping my head in my hands, and feeling suddenly fucking defeated and tired. "What the hell do you want from me?"

I felt my mother's arm encircle over my shoulders. "Sweetheart, you have always gone above and beyond for the people you love. First it was me when your father died, then it was Alice when she was sick, and now it's Bella. The only trouble is, it takes a lot out of you, and it worries me so much. You appear so old at times."

"So you think stopping me from seeing her will suddenly change all that?" I turned to her, my tone hard and accusatory.

We were finally getting to some kind of ordinary—as fucking poetic as that was.

"No, I wouldn't ever stop you from seeing her," she insisted, her tone sincere. "I just want you to take a step back and learn to deal with it all better."

I scoffed, almost laughing sarcastically. "Do you want me to do some kind of relationships 101 course, or send me to a shrink who tells me I have a fucking personality disorder again?—Alice was _dying_. Fuck me!"

"Edward, no one thinks you have a personality disorder, though at the time you were completely out of control. Even you can attest to that," Carlisle reasoned, the tone of his voice remaining completely neutral.

I scoffed in almost pissed off disbelief, shaking my head lightly to myself. "My father had died a few years earlier and my sister was at death's door. Excuse me for not being fucking Zen enough." I got out of the chair and immediately moved to leave the room.

"Edward,_ you_ were the only one that reacted that way! We were worried about you almost as much as we were about Alice," my mother confessed, looking like it pained her to say it.

I felt myself stiffen, then taking a deep breath, I turned back to her. "This is such _bullshit_, mom!" I raged at her. "No one's fucking perfect—this is who I am. Why is it that Alice can accept me—Bella can accept me, but_ you_ CAN'T?"

She opened her mouth, but no words came out. Eventually, she only shook her head in reply, her shoulders slumping.

"I am _not ... _Dad!" It fucking strangled from me, and with that said, I completely lost it. "JUST LET ME FIGURE IT OUT—AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!" I stormed out of the office, up the stairs to my room where I slammed my door so hard it rattled the entire house.

"Fuck ... this shit!" I fumed, running both my hands through my hair rigidly, and pacing around my room in an effort to get a fucking grip on myself. My chest was beginning to restrict, my whole fucking body stiff, and I knew if I didn't somehow release it I would fucking explode.

There was a knock on the door before it opened a fraction and Alice peeked her head into the room. "Edward…?" Her expression was stricken.

"GET OUT!" I roared, making her flinch, but the little rat held her ground. "ALICE, I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IF YOU TAKE ONE STEP INSIDE THIS ROOM I WILL—I WILL ... I..."

I couldn't breathe. It felt like my lungs were suddenly in a vice and being squeezed tighter and tighter.

I couldn't take a single breath.

The room was suddenly spinning, and my heart was fucking pounding through my rib cage in panic. I only clenched at my chest, feeling myself sit sluggishly on the edge of the bed before I slid to the floor.

Alice was beside me, dragging me closer to her, shaking my shoulders, but it was if someone suddenly pressed the mute button. All I could hear was a piercing ringing in my ears while my heart raged on relentlessly.

And I was being flooded, completely overrun and immersed by images as they rushed through my mind with blinding light. Of mom, broken and crumbling; of my father's cold hard body as it lay in a coffin; of Alice, emaciated and clinging to life; of Emmett staring down at me with fear in his expression that was completely foreign to him. And Bella; Bella's eyes haunted and fucking desolate, tearing straight into my soul.

"Edward!" Alice's voice broke through as she shook me again, harder, looking beyond fucking terrified.

I only shook my head, back and forth before dropping it into my hands and completely releasing myself to whatever the hell was consuming me, realizing I had suddenly hit rock-fucking-bottom. It had ripped a hole straight through my chest and was shredding me.

My phone rang. It jolted me—snapping me out of this fucking cataclysm for a moment. Alice dived into my breast pocket to retrieve it, saying one word to me before she answered it, "Bella."

She put the phone to her ear, shaking her head as she spoke. "Bella, Edward ... he's upset—he's having a panic attack or something. I can't ... calm him down ... I don't know!"

I closed my eyes; I could hear Bella's voice through the phone. She was speaking my name, and it was as if the sound of it was synced to my heart, to my heaving fucking lungs.

"Speak to him, Bella,' Alice said, before thrusting the phone clumsily to my cheek.

I took it from her; my hands fucked up and trembling. "Edward! Are-are you ok—talk to me!" Bella cried, on the verge of tears, in that weird ass accent of hers that I could still barely understand most days, and who owned my soul.

Tears started running down my face, fucking choking me. I was exhausted and I felt fucking conquered. "Bella..." was all I could manage, in a barely audible voice before I felt like I literally broke open. I squeezed my eyes closed in an effort to shut it out, but I was falling apart.

Bella was crying, her voice suddenly incoherent and rambling. I only caught the end of what she'd said. "Just hang on, honey. I'm coming—I love you!"

I think I made some twisted sound that was meant to be a laugh, before I dropped the phone as I tried to fight past the fucking tears that were strangling me, and dragging me further down.

So I just went with it; I had absolutely no power to stop it.

It seemed like only a minute had passed when Bella suddenly threw herself against me, and wrapped her arms tightly around my neck. I felt her hands in my hair, her lips press repeatedly to my face as I struggled to take a full breath and fight this bullshit off. I could only cling to her, gripping her t-shirt in my fists and almost ripping it from her back as my whole fucking body shook uncontrollably.

Eventually Bella pressed my face into the crook of her neck, and somehow curled her entire body around mine as she held me to her. I closed my eyes, inhaling her in more and more with each tormented breath I took, and slowly feeling my body begin to unlock.

She kept kissing me and cupping my head in her hands, pulling me back to press her face against mine as her lips connected with my skin. She was whispering things to me, and at first I didn't process what she was saying, only focusing on the sound of her voice, before I realized she was trying to make me laugh.

"I wuv you, Eddy Weddy—love of my life, honey bear." And again she pressed her lips to mine, longer this time, deeper. Her breath was wavering and shaky, breaking slightly. "If you keep scaring me like this I will cut off your balls and wear them for earrings."

I laughed; it burst from me somewhere between fighting to take a breath, and preventing my fucking shoulders from jerking. I dropped my face back to her bare skin that curved at the base of her neck. "You're ... such a sap..." I mumbled, feeling my eyes close heavily.

I was shattered.

She laughed with me, gently. Her breath was warm against my face; it was like fucking sunshine.

She turned her face so that her nose and mouth was pressed against my ear. "I was supposed to drive you home. I was supposed to be taking care of you, remember?" she murmured.

I was beyond fucked up, and I was sure I didn't have enough oxygen in-take to power an erection; instead a smile penetrated my face before I took a huge exhausted breath in and released it.

She spoke to Alice, and I only registered it because her tone completely changed; she sounded anguished. "What happened to him—what caused it?"

"This has been eight years in the making, Bella," the little rat answered softly.

It suddenly occurred to me that I was still sitting on the floor at the side of my bed, with Bella sitting straddled in my lap. She was rising and falling above me slower now, and it was the only indication that I was suddenly breathing normally. But her body was hot against mine, too hot. I was sweltering—but then I always did with her.

And my ass was numb.

"He'd kept it all in—all these years. Are you sure you're not his twin instead of me, Bella?" Alice joked, though her tone was only semi-serious—and I thought I was about to cringe to death.

"Get the fuck out of my room, you little rat," I muttered sluggishly, my tone more affectionate than I had intended.

Or maybe it was subconscious.

Bella chuckled, her little body rebounding through me as she sat flush on top of my now suddenly growing erection.

I have no fucking idea how it was even possible, I was so shredded.

Then to make it infinitely worse, Alice kissed me impulsively on my cheek, nudging me gently.

Groaning against the supple skin of Bella's neck, I shifted, indicating that I wanted to get up. Bella climbed off me carefully before taking my hand and helping me to my feet. It was probably a good thing she did; I was fucking gone; my energy was sapped.

I placed my hands on her shoulders, my head dropping and resting against hers. "Just give me a minute." My voice was barely a whisper and I was still fucking shaking.

She was staring at me, her eyes canvassing mine closely. She eventually nodded. "Okay, honey."

"I'm ok," I attempted to reassure her, only it was the fucking joke of the century, and she didn't buy it, regardless. She only flashed me a teasing, cynical look as that smile worked its way into her expression.

She kissed me briefly before, on wonky fucking legs, I made my way into my bathroom, where I stripped my damp clothes off and replaced them with a clean t-shirt and track pants. When I walked back into my room, I climbed on my bed and all but collapsed, rolling onto my back. It was then that I noticed Mom, Emmett and Carlisle standing in the doorway.

"You ok there, Edna?" Emmett asked me.

I only quirked what I was sure was a fucked up exhausted grin at him, and gave him the thumbs up sign.

And then Carlisle was sitting beside me taking my fucking pulse.

"Jesus, I'm not dying," I complained begrudgingly but let him finish.

Carlisle flashed me a small smile before releasing my wrist. "Not tonight."

Next it was mom, looking guilty and wretched as she wiped my hair back from my head. "Get some sleep, sweetheart. I-I had no idea you were carrying around so much, but I'm so glad you released it."

I brought both my hands to my forehead, pushing the heels into my eyes. "Mom..." I began but abandoned it. What the fuck could I say anyway?

She kissed my brow quickly. "I underestimated you, sweetheart, and I'm so very sorry."

More guilt…

"It's OK, mom," I mumbled with a sigh.

She pressed her lips against my forehead one more time. "Get some sleep. Bella's here." She left the room with Alice behind her smiling at me tenderly over her shoulder.

I removed my hands completely away from my eyes to properly look at Bella for the first time since she'd been here. She'd been crying, and her eyes were drowning with the panic in them. As she gazed back at me, she sucked in her bottom lip and broke into a smile, but it was overshadowed by the look of anxiety on her face that I'd witnessed too much of over the last several weeks.

I held out my arm to her. "Come here."

She sat beside me and grabbed my hand before bending down to kiss my lips gently. "Don't you dare think about doing that face," she reproached me teasingly, before her lips found my brow and she continued. "You're not worrying about me tonight."

I closed my eyes, feeling my lips curve in response. "Shut up and let me sleep." My voice was croaky, and with the last reserves of my energy almost depleted, I pulled her down with me.

She curled herself against my side and wrapped her arm around my chest, snuggling into me. For a few minutes she ran her fingers up and down my chest, idly, before her breath left her in a long heavy sigh. "What happened, Edward?"

I inhaled and released it into a light groan. "I dunno, baby. I'm a pussy and I lost the plot."

When I opened my eyes again, she was giving me an affectionate kind of wry look, but concern was still the primary emotion on her expression.

I squeezed her side, closing my eyes again—mainly because just keeping them open fucking exhausted me.

"Did I put too much on you in Australia?" she breeched, sounding suddenly meek and fucking guilty.

I shook my head, beginning to feel frustrated. "No. Shhhh."

"You _are _my knight in shining armor, Edward. And you're right—I've never had anyone be that for me, apart from you." She sounded close to tears, and I was about to open my eyes and reply, but she started kissing me again; my lips, my face; my neck—all over the damn place.

She was going to kill me.

My body's reaction to her hot, tender lips against my skin, compared to how exhausted I was, only made me feel more fucked up.

I groaned softly, wishing like hell I had some kind of energy to be able to respond, but my fucking body was craving nothing but sleep.

And I was fading fast.

I became vaguely aware as she grazed the tip of her nose over my face, humming softly, her fingers in my hair, as she lulled me off to sleep. Then it was only the weight of her against me that grounded me in consciousness; then the warmth of her breath...

Until she was gone.

* * *

**A/N: Poor Edward, I really don't know why I torture him so...**


	47. Need You Now

**A/N: Holy shit, I'm almost finished...**

* * *

**Chapter 47**

**Need You Now**

**Edward's POV:**

When I woke it was the dead of night, and I was alone.

I sat up disorientated and felt around for Bella, almost convincing myself that she hadn't actually been here at all. My memory was hazy, but I knew without a doubt that Bella had fallen asleep with me, because I could still smell her on my bed.

And I was suddenly ragingly fucking horny.

Leaning to the side, I switched on the lamp then angled the alarm clock so I could see the time.

3:15am.

Bella's phone was sitting on my side table, and I soon spotted her sweater hanging over the foot of my bed.

She had definitely been here, but the question was: why wasn't she now?

Grabbing her phone, I got out of bed and headed toward the door, rubbing the grogginess of sleep from my eyes as I went.

I felt strange. Physically I felt a lot better than the fucked up condition I'd gone to sleep in, but I still didn't feel ... completely right. It was as if something was missing—only I didn't entirely know what—and I had a weighed down feeling in my chest. This was despite the fact that I was feeling a shitload lighter.

It instantly made me feel edgy, and fucking more so because I had no idea why I was feeling so edgy.

Maybe I was just feeling like a titanic dickhead for completely losing my shit. Okay, I was a little bit, but that still wasn't it...

Fuck it, I was too horny to dwell on it, and I needed to find out if Bella was still in the house.

I crept down the hall—the house was still apart from Emmett's freaking snoring—and paused at Alice's room. Then, switching on the flashlight app on Bella's iPhone, I slowly opened the door.

She was hanging off the side of Alice's bed, out cold.

Feeling the grin immediately penetrating my face, I carefully entered the room. When I reached her, I kneeled down beside her, taking her hand that hung over the side of the mattress. "Hey," I whispered, squeezing it gently.

She stirred, mumbled something unintelligible before her eyes slowly opened.

"Is it raining?" she asked me in a croaky voice, her sleep-glazed eyes looking straight through me.

"Yes," I replied softly, exhaling past my amusement, before I helped her off the bed.

"I can't find my jumper," she mumbled, stumbling lightly against me before seeming to fall back asleep on her feet.

"It's in my room," I whispered. "Come on." I tried to get her to walk, but her feet were dragging, so bending down, I hoisted her up into my arms.

Her head flopped down on my shoulder; she was completely out to it, which pretty much put a halter on my motives for getting her back in my room in the first place.

When I laid her on my bed, she awakened enough to climb under my covers, snuggling into me when I got in beside her. I pulled her closer against me, and she curled her leg over mine, her knee suddenly pressing straight into my groin. It immediately caused a fire to erupt within me. I was beginning to become completely consumed by sexual frustration again; my only thoughts on where and when I could get her alone again with me.

Delicately, I removed her leg from around me, so I could fucking breathe again, before I leaned over and turned off the lamp.

As I laid there fully awake now, I listened to the sound of her breathing for a few minutes, taking close notice of how she'd rub her foot up and down my leg on and off before eventually entwining her legs again with mine.

If I hadn't well and truly fucking fell apart earlier I would have seriously whacked off in the shower. I was really regretting it now; my skin was beginning to feel like it was amped, keeping my dick fully charged.

I tried to distract myself, but Bella didn't make it easy for me. Her knee kept finding its way back to my groin, prodding against me—giving me a fucking knee job. Jesus even in her sleep she teased the shit out of me, but then I was pretty much a horny bastard every minute of my life anyway.

I figured I'd be getting a lot more now that Bella and I were together, but then Prom was only a month ago.

Jesus, just a month. It felt like it was five years ago.

During the seven months that I'd known Bella I'd had less sex than I'd had the seven months before I'd met her. Once—with her, but fuck, it was worth the wait. Though I could very well have had sex with slut-bag Stanley; it's not like I'd even remember. Though, Alice swore on Jazz's balls that when she intervened nothing was going on.

Yeah, she actually swore on his balls—in front of me. I think the little rat was picking up his obsession.

It was fucked up how much I was thinking about sex.

**...**

I dozed on and off, but with Bella's knee continuously lodged into my balls, I couldn't really fall into a deep sleep. Plus I was too conscious of her—of her warm little body pressed against mine, and of the fact that we hadn't slept together since that night in Sydney.

I was semi-conscious when Bella woke, sitting straight up in bed and looking around the room with a confused frown on her face. Running her hand up into her hair, she turned to me, where her frown turned to an immediate smile.

"Hi," she said softly, her voice croaky and hoarse.

"Hey," I replied and moved to sit up alongside her when she all but ambushed me, almost knocking me back against the pillows as she wrapped her arms tightly around my neck.

"How are you feeling?" she whispered, sounding all freaking engulfed again.

I released my breath before snaking an arm around her waist and pulling her back so I could see her face. Her eyes were endless and shredded with guilt.

Always fucking guilt…

"I'm fine," I assured her, my gaze dropping from her eyes to her lips.

I leaned closer to her, but she only moved further away, staring straight down to my soul. "Tell me what happened?" She was determined to talk, while all I could focus on was how long we had until mom and Carlisle woke up.

And with Emmett next door, how to make the least amount of noise…

With a groan—that quickly manifested as sexual frustration—I dropped my face into the crook of her neck. "I'm not really sure, babe, can you please not hassle me about it."

There was silence. When I looked back up she was quirking her eyebrows with a half cynical smile on her lips.

"Babe?" She smirked, her brows rising higher on her forehead.

With only half feigned frustration, I groaned louder sighing with it, before pulling her flush against me. Placing my lips to her ear, I teased her, "Babe, sweetie pie, gorgeous, beautiful Belly Welly."

Cringing, she tried to pull away from me, but I held her tighter, pressing my lips over hers when she protested, as my hands found their way under the t-shirt she was wearing—the little rat's t-shirt.

"You're such … a cornball, Edward." She turned her face so my mouth was suddenly squashed into her cheek, before pushing herself back from my chest. "Talk to me for a minute."

"No." And with my hands gripping her sides, I pulled her back to me so that she was sitting on my lap, having a close encounter with my morning wood.

I ran my hands further up her sides, feeling her ribs beneath my fingers as she tensed in reflex, continuing to resist me.

"Ed—" she began but I shut her up by again closing my mouth over hers.

"Shhhh."

She seemed to relent, responding to me and running her hands to the back of my head and through my hair, but when I moved my lips to her neck and shoulder she again pulled away from me.

"Edward—bloody hell!" she teased me warmly, lightly, removing my hands from beneath her shirt as I dropped my head to her shoulder and exhaled heavily against her bare skin.

And it didn't fucking help that the heat of her was pressing forcefully down on me, but then seeming to read me, she climbed off me.

I only uttered some fucked up horny, frustrated sound in defeat.

She moved back from me, sighing and sounding like she was in empathy with me. I kept my head lowered, letting my chin thud against my chest before I pushed the heel of my palms into my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Edward," she whispered, taking one of my hands before wrapping her arms around my waist.

I laid myself back, pulling her with me as I tried to talk myself down.

She leaned up and kissed my cheek, before her breath rushed from her, washing over my face. "I know, but Emmett's next door, and the last time Alice walked in on us, and if your mom walked in on us I'd kill myself." She sighed again before snuggling back against my side. "And how did I get in here? I'm sure I went to sleep with Alice…"

I grinned, pushing it shortly through my nose. "I came and got you."

She rolled over, half on top of me and snaked her arm around me, before pressing her face against my neck. "Get cold did you?" she murmured teasingly.

"Among other things," I mumbled, sighing, still feeling strung out, and running my hand back through my hair.

Bella, knowing exactly what I was doing raised her head, looking at me with her forehead puckered. "I hate doing this to you, Edward, and I'm still worried about you."

"You're not doing anything to me, baby. I'm just horny 24/7," I admitted, grinning at her slyly while ignoring the last part.

She smirked, propping herself up on her elbows against my chest. "Are we going to turn into Alice and Jazz? They have sex almost every day."

I groaned—it was pure impulse—closing my eyes, completely fucking missing what she had just implied. "Please remember Alice is my sister, babe—I really don't want to know what her and that pissant, Jazz, do together."

When I opened my eyes her brow was quirked shrewdly again, but anticipating her, I clamped my hand over her mouth, then rolled her completely beneath me. She continued to smirk to herself even as I lay flush on top of her, but that was probably due to the fact that the pen in my pants was completely fucking obvious.

"Want to fool around?" I asked, flashing her a canny grin.

"Are you going to be able to pull out of it?"

"Probably not," I admitted lightly, thinking I could charm her into it.

As usual, if she fell for it she gave nothing away. Completely owning my ass, she simply half shrugged, giving me that knowing freaking smile again. "Sure."

We lasted fifteen minutes and it turned into freaking torture. As far as we went, and as much as she gave me, all my mind could process was _more._ She let me totally grope her—I was basically fucking dry humping her, and she was holding back. It was obvious she was holding back because compared to how she'd been yesterday she was acting like a nun.

A nun that I was violating.

If that wasn't enough to immediately deflate me, it was the sound of my mother knocking on Alice's door and calling out to her and Bella—not to mention the absolute horror that was suddenly reflected in Bella's eyes.

I was beginning to suspect that Bella viewed my mother as some kind of saint. I wonder how she'd feel if she knew mom wanted to put a stopper on the two of us? Hell, she'd probably agree with her, because I was also starting to suspect that Bella was beginning to see me as a horny primitive bastard and little else. I mean, she'd made a veiled comment about us having sex everyday—what the fuck was that supposed to mean?

Did she want to; didn't she?

I was beginning to think I knew less about Bella the more time I spent with her; after all, all I wanted from her lately was her body. Or maybe being sexually frustrated turned me into a paranoid fucking pansy ass.

All I needed now was another break down.

"Get me back into Alice's room!" Bella gasped, her tone completely compromised by alarm.

"Shhh, she only knocks. She never comes in," I reassured her softly as I wiped a strand of her hair away from her face.

Famous last words.

In the next instant mom knocked on my door, called out to me, before the door knob half turned, then stopped and began jiggling.

I'm not sure if Bella threw herself off the side of the bed or I pushed her off, but as I launched myself off the bed to stop my mother from walking in on us, Bella suddenly landed flat on her ass on the other side of it.

She was still topless. Throwing on her shirt, she picked herself up off the ground and bolted into my bathroom with more agility than I'd ever seen from her.

The door knob jiggled again. "Edward?" Came my mother's increasingly suspicious voice.

Fuck! Oh fuck—it was locked! Thank fuck I'd locked it! I almost died on the spot of fucking heart failure, grabbing my chest instinctively.

"What?" I asked, beginning to feel irritated, while trying to disguise my voice as croaky from sleep.

"Why is the door locked, Edward?" she demanded.

"Why do you think?" I replied hotly before reefing it open and glaring down at her.

She blatantly looked past me and around my room; I huffed sharply, but then maybe that was just to cover my guilt. "Looking for something?"

Her eyes met mine before they softened; she placed a hand on my cheek. "How are you this morning, sweetheart?"

I turned my gaze away from her, feeling more and more fucking guilt ridden. "I'm fine. I-I just didn't get much sleep last night."

"You hungry?"

I shrugged. "Yeah."

"Okay, I'll see you downstairs soon." She turned and headed for the stairs without looking back.

I closed the door, released my breath, raking my hand edgily through my hair, before I turned toward my bathroom door. "She's gone, babe."

"Stop _calling me that_!" Bella blurted out in a harsh whisper, opening the door brashly, looking ruddy faced and flustered.

I only grinned, trying not to laugh at her as she scowled up at me.

"She totally knows I'm in here!" She ran her fingers rigidly over her forehead looking genuinely distressed.

I walked over to her, slinging my arm over her shoulder as she stood with her forehead leaning against my chest. "Pixie-stick would have covered for us. She knows she owes me—God only knows how many times I've covered for her and _Jazzy pants_."

She only exhaled deeply, letting her shoulders drop as both her hands came up to grab fistfuls of my t-shirt.

I pressed my lips down to the top of her head momentarily, before I asked, "Tell me why you don't like me calling you babe?"

"I already told you," she mumbled, without raising her head.

"Yeah … but I no longer believe it," I teased her lightly, before gauging her more seriously. "Was it something your mother said?"

She tensed, it was only slight, but enough that I immediately registered the shift within her. "Not my mother—her boyfriend."

This time I fucking tensed. She'd never mentioned any _boyfriend_ before. "Bella—Jesus, please tell me…" I left it unspoken, again running my hand roughly back through my hair.

She raised her head, looking horrified. 'No—God no! He was just a sleazy prick who used to perv down my shirt every chance he got, hoping I was like my mother. But yeah he called my mother babe, and he was beginning to start calling me it too. It doesn't bother me that much. It makes me cringe slightly—which you're well aware of." She flashed me a wry grin, elbowing me softly in the ribs.

I chuckled. "Why didn't you ever tell me this?"

She sort of half laughed to herself. "I was hoping telling you Jake called Nessie the same thing would turn you off." Then before I could respond, she leaned up on her toes and planted a tender but rushed kiss on my lips. "Sneak me back into Alice's room."

But right at that moment there was a second knock at my door, followed by Alice's half teasing, half sarcastic voice. "Rise and shine, lovelings."

I pulled open the door to the little rat flashing me a smug look. "You so totally owe me!" she declared.

I only scoffed. "We're not even close to being even, you little ferret."

"Nothing happened," Bella insisted walking past me out of the room, before looking over her shoulder and flashing me a warm, teasing grin. "Edward was just feeling cold."

Alice snorted. "I'm sure he was."

I groaned beneath my breath before walking out of my room and closing my door.

Not only was it fucked up how much I was focused on sex, but it was more fucked up that my pain in the ass sister knew all about it.

Bella and Alice walked down the stairs together, while I trailed a few feet behind.

"What did you tell your mom?" Bella asked Alice, sounding anxious again.

"That you were brushing your teeth—it's cool; she believed me," Alice answered simply.

"Yeah, that's why she completely scanned my room afterwards," I added dryly.

"Well, she's not completely naïve." The little rat rolled her eyes at me over her shoulder.

…

We ate breakfast with mom's freaking eyes constantly on me and Bella. It was more than obvious and made Bella so twitchy it was clear she couldn't wait to get the hell out of there. As it was, mom and Carlisle's proposition from the night before started today. When Carlisle entered the room, the first thing he did was look over at me and comment that I wasn't dressed.

"What, you're making me start today?" I demanded, suddenly fucking pissed off again, but then again that was probably due to sexual frustration. I had planned on getting Bella alone fucking somewhere during the day.

"Yes, I thought that was understood?" Carlisle replied.

"I didn't even get to have a shower last night," I grumbled, while Bella only glanced at me with her eyebrows drawn.

"Well go and have one now, Edward," my mother said, sighing.

I stood up from the table roughly, with a huff before leaving the room, hearing my mother telling Bella how hot headed I was, as I left.

Fucking great…

Okay I was acting like a bad tempered asshole. I didn't know why I was feeling so edgy, but I was, but then jerking off in the shower did make me feel calmer afterwards. Actually I almost fucking exploded, but then immediately felt mellow, realizing what a dickhead I had been.

I was getting dressed when Bella knocked on my door. Throwing my shirt over my head quickly, I opened it. "You don't have to knock, babe—"her brows immediately bunched—"fuck, I'm sorry—sorry!"

She only broke into soft laughter, pushing me playfully as she did. "I suppose you can call me_ babe_ if you insist on it. Anyway, I have to go. My Dad's leaving tomorrow and he's taking me to Port Angeles." She threw me a teasing pout before grabbing my t-shirt and pulling me closer. "You over your hissy fit?"

"Ah..." I brought my hand to the back of my head, instantly feeling like a giant dick. She had a way of bringing me straight back down to earth. Crafty little vixen. "Yeah..." I mumbled, dropping my eyes to her feet.

She suddenly threw her arms around my neck, almost pulling me down on her. "I'm only joking, you big dag. I'm going to worry about you all day. You freaked the hell out of me last night." Her tone turned soft and serious, and her breath gushed from her, causing my skin to tingle.

But I felt like shit. Sighing deeply, I moved back to look into her eyes. "I'm okay. I swear to you I am," I promised her, before I kissed her briefly. "Just give me a minute and I'll walk you out to your car."

**...**

Once we reached her jeep—she'd parked it fifty feet away like she usually did—she planted one of those soft, teasing kisses on my lips, wrapped her arms around my waist then fucking burst into tears.

"What's wrong, baby?" I asked her, feeling my heart quicken, wondering what the hell I'd done to upset her this time.

"Nothing. I mean, it's just ... so much has happened that sometimes I don't know how to process it, and ... my dad's leaving"—she never called him _dad_—"and I feel terrible that I dragged you into the train wreck that's my life."

I bowed my head against hers for a moment, holding her tighter against me. "Bella—you never _dragged_ me into your life. I kind of forced my way in—remember?"

She sniffed back her tears, breaking into half a laugh at the same time, nodding. "I remember."

I bent my head trying to see her face; she kept it squashed against my chest. "If you need me tomorrow when your dad leaves, call me and I'll come right over."

"Won't you be working with Carlisle?"

"Tomorrow's Saturday, baby," I teased her.

She chuckled again, nudging me. "Shut up."

"Hey? Look at me," I instructed her gently; she did—reluctantly. I took a deep breath before continuing, "Thank you for coming over last night. I don't know what the fuck happened but ... anyway, I'm sorry I freaked you out."

She smiled at me warmly, a hint of her playfulness sneaking into it. "You did, but it was my pleasure."

I grinned. "Sap."

"Cheese ball."

"Go home."

She threw me that cynical smirk again before I cupped her face and kissed her. She tried to deepen it, but I had to almost literally force her back—I didn't have time to whack off again, after all.

With a small sigh she brought her lips to my ear. "I'll take care of you soon."

I immediately tensed, before my eyes closed as I struggled to hold back the all-out horny groan from becoming audible.

Oh God, please make it be so…

When I didn't respond, Bella did this half sigh, half chuckle thing, before kissing me quickly on the cheek. "Later, gator," she said before jumping into her car.

I only grinned at her like a goofy dickhead before I walked over to where Carlisle was waiting for me in his silver Merc, with the second coming of my freaking morning wood..

**...**

Carlisle used me as his fucking runner boy, because obviously he felt that modern technology—like emails—weren't as effective. All I did was go back and forth through the hospital delivering messages, handing out mail, or picking up supplies for him. Then in the afternoon when he was doing his rounds he forced me to go along. I had to stand there trying not to puke when he inspected various patients stitches and surgery wounds. When he pulled a fucking ten feet tube from some old guy's stomach, I almost passed out cold on the spot. He promptly ordered me out to the vending machines to get him a coffee. I kept on walking right out of the building, pulling my phone from my pocket and texting Bella as I did.

**Baby, this shit is going to kill me.**

She replied about half a minute later, **lol, naw poor baby. You'll be fine.**

I wasn't so confident.

When I walked back into the hospital, I'd lost track of Carlisle, but where ever the hell he was I sure as hell wasn't going to follow.

He eventually sent me a message, **go take a break and meet me in my office at 4.**

I spent it in the hospital cafeteria, eating a fucking disgusting premade sandwich and playing Candy Crush on my phone until the battery went dead. I dragged my ass back to his office fifteen minutes late, and for the rest of the day Carlisle had me photocopying shit.

At 6pm the day was over, and I was fucking exhausted, but then on the way home Carlisle decided to play fucking psychiatrist and attempt to get me to open up about my _feelings_ and why I was often so _angry_.

"Do we have to do this now, Carlisle? I'm tired. Ask me again Monday," I grumbled, pulling out my phone and shoving in my earphones only to realize it was dead.

"Monday? You're not coming tomorrow?" Carlisle put it to me calmly with raised brows.

"What? You expect me to work on weekends?" I burst.

"I thought that was understood. Do you have plans with Bella?"

"No, it wasn't _understood_—I'm not a fucking mind reader. And I thought you and mom were trying to stop me from seeing Bella?"

"No, we're not stopping you from seeing her at all. Tell me about Bella. You seem very close," Carlisle said, turning to me as he stopped at the intersection to turn onto the Olympic Highway.

I sighed, only half beneath my breath. "She's my girlfriend—what do you want me to say?"

"Do you find it easy to communicate with her—or do you bottle your feelings from her?"

Pushing the heel of my palm into my forehead, I answered—reluctantly. "She knows how I feel about her."

"Have you told her?"

"Jesus!" I burst. "Am I going to be charged by the hour?"

"I'm just trying to help you find an outlet to release your emotions, Edward," he replied quietly.

He kept on at me, all the way home. I don't know what he wanted to achieve, but all he succeeded in doing was grating on my last fucking nerve.

The next day—yes he and mom made me work Saturday—Carlisle suggested that because I wasn't so receptive to talking to him, I should keep a journal to document my feelings about shit in hope I would be able to recognize certain triggers to my anger and frustration.

My anger... Apparently from the moment I'd met Bella I had become some kind of angry, obsessive compulsive freak. It was news to me. I realized I was more on edge, but I didn't know how else I was supposed to act with this level of sexual frustration suddenly competing with the urge to start sprouting poetry every time I was near her; not to mention the constant anxiety I had that I'd fuck it up and lose her.

So, humoring Carlisle, I bought a journal that afternoon during my lunch break—ironically from the stationary store in Port Angeles where I bought all the pink pens. I picked up a packet of those too; Bella only had one left, after all.

I called her during my afternoon break, knowing her father had just left. She kept up a brave front, but it was obvious how upset she was.

"Do you still want to go out with Alice and Jazz tonight?" I asked her, hoping like fuck she didn't. Alice had arranged a double date—'cause that's exactly what I wanted to do on a Saturday night, feel up my girlfriend with my sister watching.

She sighed, sounding more miserable by the second to the point that I could feel myself growing tense. "I'd rather stay in; do you want to hang out here? Uncle Billy's on night shift, so we'll probably have to babysit Jake and Ness. Is that okay…?"

"That's fine, baby. I'll get the little rat to drop me off."

She broke into soft sounding laughter. "You really shouldn't call your sister that, you know."

"Why, she is a little rat." I chuckled along with her, as I set out back to the Olympic Memorial Hospital.

When I reached Carlisle's office there was a note left for me on his desk:

**Edward, I'm going to be about 15-20 minutes late. Entertain yourself until I get there. Did you buy a journal?**

How freaking obvious. I snorted into a cynical smirk and opened up the damned notebook I'd just bought.

**July 29 2013**

**So I realized today that one of the things that pisses me off is Bella getting upset. What does that make me? A normal fucking sap who loves his girlfriend. I also just want to have sex with her. It's all I can think about—even when she's upset. What does that make me?**

**Male.**

Well that was fucking easy.

When Carlisle arrived at his office he immediately took note of the journal sitting in my lap and smiled to himself.

I guess he didn't expect me to take his advice.

"Oh good, you did get yourself a journal then," he commented, sitting himself behind his desk and clasping his hands together—freaking consultation mode again.

"Yeah." I shrugged.

He paused, seeming as if he was waiting for … something. When I didn't volunteer anything else, he extended his hand, asking, "Do you mind?"

The hell?

"Uh—yeah!" I stated matter-of-factly.

"Fair enough," he said, withdrawing his outstretched hand.

I sighed and tossed the journal on his desk, conceding—if only to get him off my back.

Putting on his reading glasses, he opened the book before a small smirk lit up on his face then disappeared. "Very good, Edward," he said clearing his throat softly.

He didn't bother me on the ride home that afternoon, though he made some veiled comment about being sexually responsible when he talked about the sixteen year old girl he saw that afternoon for Gestational Diabetes. I only smirked to myself, half rolling my eyes before agreeing with him. In truth, I wasn't too concerned about it. Bella was going to be the militant one about it, considering her obvious aversion to pregnancy.

"Bella's on birth control," I admitted casually. "I didn't pressure her into it or anything; she went and got it herself. I think the idea of getting pregnant freaks her out." And I had a sneaking suspicion she was more concerned about protecting herself from pregnancy than she was about having sex with me, but then again, sexual frustration did make me this pathetically needy and paranoid.

I have no fucking idea why I decided to disclose all this to him. I guess it wasn't so much a step-father and son bonding moment than it was a ploy to get him and mom off my back by admitting that Bella, at least, had her shit together. Even if I didn't.

He turned to me with that freaking consultation expression on his face again. "Bella's a smart, responsible girl, Edward."

"I know," I said simply with a small smile. "Besides, our baby's coming in the mail."

**...**

"Brother Dearest…" Alice said smirking as she swung inside my room by the doorknob. "You ready?"

"Do you ever knock, you little ferret?" I replied, half rolling my eyes. "I'll be a minute."

This damn t-shirt made me look gay. Dragging it over my head and throwing it to the floor impatiently, I rummaged through my drawer looking for my "Big Pen" shirt, while Alice waited impatiently, huffing out her breath intermittently.

Fuck, it had Coca-Cola stains all over it!

"You are _not seriously_ going to wear that, are you?" the little rat commented, folding her arms across her chest with a quirked brow.

I threw it at her, smirking to myself as it hit her square in the face, and pulled on the next shirt I picked up.

"Since when do you care how you look?" Alice asked after I'd shoved her out of my room, closing the door behind us.

"Since when is it any of your business, Pixie Stick?!"

She snorted but didn't say anything further.

**...**

"Do me a favor and drop me off before you pick up Jazz. I really don't want to have to sit through your fucking need to express your love for each other every thirty seconds," I muttered as I pulled the seat belt over my shoulder.

"You're such a barrel of sunshine, and need I remind you that I had to listen to Bella tell you multiple times last night—in the most sickening of ways, mind you. _I wuv you, Eddy Weddy, honey bear_."

_Fuck!_

I guess there was no point in telling her that Bella was only mocking me, mocking her jackass cousin and his girlfriend—who I'd have to endure tonight.

"She was joking, Thumbelina," I said dryly, lowing my head and pushing my hand back through my hair.

"Yeah, yeah," she mumbled, putting the key in the ignition and starting the engine. She drove for no more than fifty feet down the driveway before she stopped again and put the car into park.

I turned to her quizzically. "What?"

"I want to talk to you," she replied, turning to face me squarely.

I released my breath in one large frustrated gush. "Are you kidding me?"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh shut up. I heard mom and Carlisle talking about you earlier."

"What about this time?" I asked dryly, only mildly curious.

"Carlisle was sticking up for you, actually. He told mom that you were right when you said this is who you are, and she should stop worrying about you."

"Yeah?" I said, raising my eyebrows surprised.

"Yep, though mom's still worried about you. She thinks you and Bella will rush off and get married as soon as you graduate—if you even make it to graduation, that is." She snorted back her laughter, obviously finding great amusement in it.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I asked in semi disbelief.

"Yep."

"Why would she think that?"

Alice shrugged. "I dunno. She thinks whatever happened in Australia has made you and Bella unable to live without each other—or something."

I shook my head to myself, beginning to feel aggravated. "Well that's just fucking ridiculous."

"Not really, Edward. Do you realize how much you've changed since you met Bella?" she asked quirking her brow at me.

"How?" I retorted mockingly.

"Seriously, think back to before you met Bella—do you remember when we went to the Grand Canyon and you hooked up with what's-her-name? The red head? Rochelle?"

"Something like that," I muttered, fucking disturbed that Alice knew way too much about my sex life.

"You were a complete whore, Edward. You slept with anything with a pair of legs—then suddenly Bella comes along and the biggest slut in school, Jessica Stanley, can't even get you to budge." She stared at me, expecting me to respond, only I had no fucking idea what she wanted from me—and the fact that she brought up whore-house Stanley made me want to openly cringe.

"What the fuck is the point you're trying to make, Alice?" I burst.

She half smirked to herself, ignoring me. "Bella saw you coming a mile away."

I sighed, but despite my present aggravation at the little rat, I felt myself smile. "She did," I agreed, quietly.

"Do you see how much you've changed?" Her tone turned soft.

I shrugged one shoulder, conceding begrudgingly.

"You have no idea what the hell you're doing, Edward, because you're so far out of your comfort zone that you might as well be in Siberia." She was beginning to sound concerned this time, and I immediately felt myself tense.

"You too, Alice?" I said sarcastically. "You don't think I know how to handle this?"

She only smiled at me sympathetically—pitifully—that I wanted to strangle the little rat. "Not really…"

"Are you my fucking mother, Alice? Because between you and her I don't know who's fucking worse!" I snapped, turning myself violently away from her, huffing to myself angrily.

She sighed shortly, suddenly sounding pissed off herself. "My God you're such a hothead! No one can say anything to you!"

"Bullshit, Alice." I ran my hand roughly through my hair, thumping it back down on the dashboard before turning to her again. "I'm just sick of you, mom and Carlisle making out I'm some kind of defective who is incapable of having a fucking girlfriend!"

"No one has ever said that—stop being melodramatic!" she lost it and started yelling.

"Stop fucking yelling at me!" I hollered back, almost choking before breaking out into a reluctant smile at Alice's resulting grin.

She laughed, half shaking her head before she shoved me playfully. "No one thinks that you're_ defective_, Edward. We're only worried about how much you've changed."

"Would you rather I was still a _complete whore_?" I added sarcastically.

Whore? I'd had sex with five girls—other than Bella. That didn't make me a fucking whore!

"No, _that_ change is good—except that you're so moody and uptight. That's why mom's worried you're going to do something stupid—like get married." Her lips twitched, despite the serious charade the little rat tried to put on.

I snorted. "Yeah right. Where are we going to live? With the Chief and Jacob? I'll fucking pass thanks."

"Jesus, you swear a lot." She rolled her eyes, starting the engine again.

"Yes, mommy."

She tutted, and proceeded down the rest of the driveway toward freaking Jazz's street.

Jazz climbed into the back seat, and before molesting my sister he turned to me. "Jeez, dude, could you look any hornier?"

I half grinned, exhaling shortly. "See, Jazz gets it."

"T.M.I!" Alice protested from beside me, before Jazz shut her up by slopping all over her.

Five fucking minutes later and before I burst and aneurysm in my brain, we were finally heading toward Bella's house.

* * *

**A/N: Oh Edward, typical male!**


	48. Starry, Starry Night

**A/N: There's a bit of contraband in this chapter. There's a smidge of song lyrics. What can I say? I'm a rebel at heart. In all seriousness the reference to Vincent (Starry, Starry Night) and all copyrights belong to Don McLean - not me!**

**This chapter is a bit of fluff and filler, but it also ties up some loose ends. Almost done, peeps.**

* * *

**Chapter 48**

**Starry, Starry Night.**

**Bella's POV.**

It's one thing to know your boyfriend is sexually frustrated, but quite another when his sister tells you. I mean, Alice didn't come right out and tell me I had to have sex with Edward, but when the words 'uptight' and 'edgy' get mentioned repeatedly, you kind of get the hint.

I didn't know who was more uncomfortable, me or Alice, but what I did know was that I had to rectify it, and as soon as possible.

Edward appeared to be hanging by a thread lately; it worried the hell out of me. He was such an emotional creature that everything he felt seemed to rebound within me, and I just couldn't, ever again, watch him fall apart. It had shifted me in such a way, making a huge impact on me, and now I carried that distant panic with me, as if I was dealing with the possibility of losing Kel all over again. Only this time it wasn't Kel I feared losing.

I had this dreadful feeling that Australia had been too much for Edward to deal with, and it was guilt as much as fear for him that was ripping me apart. I know we both had demons that we had to purge, but seeing Edward so vulnerable was just too much for me to bear, and more so because I felt like I was somewhat responsible for it. I couldn't let it happen again—if I could help it. He had been a mountain of strength when I needed him, and he'd gotten me past Kel's death—just as he promised me he would. I had made him a promise as well, to take care of him.

And take care of him I would.

The only problem was that I kind of had to watch Jake and Ness Saturday night. Uncle Billy had put his trust in me to help prevent making him an early grandfather by making sure Jake and Ness behaved themselves when he was on night shift. I kept them out of Jake's room, but they usually went for a "drive" not long into the evenings, giving me some relief from the slopping and slurping I usually had to be privy to while they worked themselves up. And with things only lukewarm—at best—between Edward and Jake, I was not very optimistic that the night would be anything less than a fizzer. But it was either that or a double date with Alice and Jazz, and Edward was always so tense around the two of them that I knew it'd put him in a bad mood.

Bad moods and Edward seemed to go hand in hand lately, but I think that was directly related to the whole "uptight" business that Alice had insisted on relaying to me.

I had spent my last day with my father distracted and preoccupied on when and where Edward and I could have sex again. Which, combined with the anxiety I was feeling over him leaving, made for a disturbing combination.

I made him breakfast on his last morning, and as I sat down with him to eat, trying to fight off the memories of Edward and I on our last night in Australia—as well as the resulting blush—he turned to face me squarely.

"Don't make the same mistakes I did, Isabella," he spoke in a gruff tone, and seeming to dismiss it at that, he began cutting up his meal.

_I was a mistake? Well of course I bloody was! Now, how am I going to get Edward alone with Ness and Jake going for it like rabbits for the half-time entertainment…?_

"Of course I don't mean you were a mistake," Charlie begun with a clearing of his throat, just as my face erupted into flames.

Did I just say that out loud?

His expression piqued. "Are you ok, Bella?"

"I-I'm fine, Dad," I replied, sounding just as overwrought as I felt.

Since when did I call him _Dad_, but then since when did he call me _Bella_?

Ok, I had to get a giant grip on myself.

Taking a deep breath, I collected my scattered rationality, and kept my focus solely on my father. "I just wish … you didn't have to go so soon…"

He nodded once, as if in understanding, before his expression darkened a little. "Just promise me you'll stay strong—and not let that boy control you."

Edward, control me? I almost wanted to laugh. He couldn't even control himself.

Oh god...

"He doesn't, but I promise," I answered, quietly, feeling my defence mechanism for all things Edward begin to stir.

"I actually expected you to be ... more assertive, now that you're away from your mother," he stated, continuing to gauge me closely.

He never minced his words, that's for sure, but assertive? Me? Did I even know the definition of the word? Only ... I _felt_ more assertive, but maybe it wasn't coming across…

In reply to him, I only half shrugged, meekly—in keeping with his assertions about me, at least. My mind was still struggling to stay centred on him and away from Edward.

He pulled in his chair roughly, creating a high pitched squeaking noise that made me jump. It was obvious I was disappointing him, so if it was assertive he wanted...

"What do you mean by _assertive_?" I asked him, raising my head and recalling the offense to his words that I had initially felt.

"You appear ... tractable, and you've been that way the entire time I've been here."

Tractable? What the hell did that even mean?

Seeming to read me, he elaborated. "Timid." He released his breath and went back to eating his eggs, while I suddenly felt two inches tall.

Bloody hell.

"I'm _not timid_!" I retorted, feeling my face deepen in response.

"I hope not, Isabella. You're my daughter, and someone who should be respected." He seemed spurred on by my reaction, only with a sinking feeling, I realised it was a veiled attack about Edward again.

And I didn't want Edward to keep me respectable—not in the sense that my father was suggesting anyway.

With sudden realisation, and a barely concealed sly smile, I decided to turn the tables. "Dad, are you trying to have a sex talk with me?"

His face suddenly turned beet red, making him look even more menacing, only I laughed. I couldn't help it. For the first time in my life The General seemed utterly speechless.

"It's fine, Dad," I reassured him.

He broke into a small wry smile and nodded to himself. "Is it? Do I have to be as worried about you, as his mother is about him?"

I felt my brow knot, suddenly plunged into insecurity again. "What did she…" I was positive Esme cursed the heavens the day I walked into her son's life.

"What I mean is, am I going to be walking you down the aisle anytime soon?"

I almost choked to death on half chewed bacon. "What...?" I croaked out eventually.

"This is what his mother seems to think is in the near future, so you tell me, Isabella?" he asked simply, though his tone was beginning to restrict.

"Well, she's bloody well overreacting. Edward has been my boyfriend for a _month_! Everyone is acting crazy!" I blurted out, pissed off at this assumption that Edward and I were so deluded and juvenile.

Marry him? Bloody hell, all I wanted to do was have sex with him again!

I dropped my head to my hand, rubbing my brow aggressively as I attempted to let the irritation go. When I looked back up, my father was smiling at me. I only blinked back in response as he went back to eating, with the remnants of his smile not waning throughout breakfast.

I guess I had answered correctly.

**...**

The General left an hour later, taking me into a big bear hug, before planting a tight-lipped kiss on my cheek. "Take care of yourself, Isabella," he spoke in a fractured tone against my ear before he released me.

I only nodded, fighting off the burning lump that was forming in my throat.

He tipped my chin, an almost tender smile breaking out across his eternally astringent face, and that was all it took before I completely fell apart before him.

As I buried my face in my hands, I felt him again take me against him, and wrap his arms tightly around me. "I'll be back for Christmas," he said gruffly, as my sobs continued.

I wanted to tell him not to go, and other childish declarations, but instead, I pulled myself together long enough to kiss his rough cheek, and watch him walk through the door, with that all too familiar void opening up in my heart.

Jacob was beside me, but it was only after I felt the weight of his arm slung over my shoulder that I became aware of him. "It'll be ok, Bells. You still have me—and _Cullen_."

I had a sudden sense of déjà vu. The tone he'd used when he mentioned Edward ... it reminded me of how my mother used to speak my name.

Feeling suddenly defeated, I released my breath, letting my shoulders sag. "Jake," I said with a sigh, not even managing enough energy to be irritated.

He squeezed me, almost to the point of forcing the air from my lungs. "I'm only kidding, cuz. Anyway, I wanna talk about something. You up for it?"

"Yeah, I'm just going to have a shower. Give me an hour," I mumbled before I headed towards the stairs, with all thoughts of sex with my boyfriend temporarily removed from my thoughts.

Not in the mood for Jake and his ever constant animosity for Edward, I locked myself in my room, catching up with Rach and Nummi on Facebook, before Edward called me in the early afternoon.

"Hey, baby cakes," he teased me in that all too sensual tone of his, only deepened with affection, "how you holding up?"

I chuckled softly. "You sap. I'm ok. How about you?"

"I'll live," he replied, sighing as he spoke.

"Poor baby."

"Do you still want to go out with Alice and Jazz tonight?" he asked me. He sounded less than enthusiastic, and didn't try and hide it.

I wasn't keen on the idea either—mostly because the sight of Alice and Jazz groping each other for the world to see was the ultimate mood killer. The only problem was, the sight of a clenched-jawed Edward really did ungodly things to me. I released my breath. "I'd rather stay in. Do you want to hang out here? Uncle Billy's on night shift, so we'll probably have to babysit Jake and Ness. Is that okay...?

I heard him exhale shortly into the receiver, picturing his smile on the other end of the phone. "That's fine, baby. I'll get the little rat to drop me off."

My _starry, starry night_ reverie was quickly broken by my laughter. "You really shouldn't call your sister that, you know."

He laughed gently. His laugh...

Like a moron I laughed with him, before wishing him goodbye and hanging up the phone. Dropping back on my bed, I let myself get carried away by every clichéd emotion that I once swore would never sway me, only to be interrupted by a knock on my door.

A moment later, Jake poked his head inside my room. "Bells, you ... never came back downstairs."

I sat myself fully upright and crossed my legs. "What's up, Jake?"

He was blushing...

He sat himself on the edge of my bed, before clearing his throat. "Are you staying in tonight, Bells?"

"Yeah..." I replied, feeling my brow pique.

He smiled, seeming happy by my answer, which only increased my confusion. "Is Cu—Edward coming over?"

I broke into a wry grin. "Yes."

His grin only broadened. "Oh good—"

"_Good_?" I interjected sceptically. "Okay, who are you and what have you done to my cousin?"

He broke into a half laugh, before shoving me playfully—almost knocking me sideways off my bed. "Bells..."

"What's this about, Jake?" I answered, chuckling shortly through growing confusion.

"I figured we could go ... quid pro quo, ya know?"

"Huh?" I answered blankly.

"If you and Cull—Edward go somewhere for, say, a couple of hours, giving me and Ness some privacy, then we'll do the same thing for you two."

"Ohhh..." Recognition hit me, but good grief, was I really discussing my sex-life with Jake?

He broke into an almost suggestive grin. "You get me?"

"I get you," I replied, rubbing my forehead to disguise my rapidly reddening face.

"I mean, you guys won't be really comfortable with me and Ness in the same room—and vice versa."

"No..." I said in agreement. "Okay, but on one condition, Jake."

"Name it." His beaming smile was back to being the dominating expression on his face.

I tried to force back the imminent groan by being in the presence of my horny cousin, but I failed miserably. Dropping my face to my hand, I massaged the cringes from my brow, groaning only half beneath my breath.

Jake only laughed. "Come on, Bells. We can be mature about this, huh?"

I raised my head, knowing my face was burning conspicuously. "Okay, well I have a list of groceries I have to get for your dad anyway."

"Okay—maybe you and Edward can get some dinner or something too?" He raised his eyebrows, smiling at me with a lot more innocence than what he was suggesting.

"How long do you need—good grief, am I really having this conversation?" I groaned loudly this time.

He broke into good natured laughter. "A couple of hours—tops, Bells, and what was that condition of yours?"

"Oh, yeah." I snapped my head up. "Okay, we'll do this, Jake, but you have to be civil to Edward. No_ Cullen_, or _princess _business, okay?"

His grin only increased, before he half rolled his eyes. "Okay, okay..."

I was guessing he figured it was worth being nice to Edward if he was going to get lucky, but he also solved my dilemma of when and where I could _ease Edward's tension_.

Jake enabling Edward and I to have sex.

Oh, how far we've come...

...

Edward arrived just after six, looking somewhat dishevelled, with an almost frazzled expression on his face. He looked tired.

"Hey," I said, softly, grabbing two fistfuls of his shirt and pulling him closer to me, just as he broke into a warm, askew smile.

I closed my eyes to kiss him, noticing his flicker past me over my shoulder as he notably tensed. No doubt aware of Jake's presence in the living room.

Sighing, I kissed him anyway, briefly on the lips, before grabbing his hand and pulling him inside.

His hand remained clasped in mine, while he shoved his other in the front pockets of his jeans. "Hey, Jake," he greeted him in a semi awkward way.

"Hey, Edward," was Jake's reply, with more courtesy in his tone than I had expected.

_He must really want some_, I thought to myself, internally shuddering.

"We'll be in my room, Jake," I said, tugging Edward behind me toward the stairs.

"Kay," was Jake's reply, failing to hide the hard edge from creeping into his expression as he glanced from me to Edward.

I threw him a quick scowl, with the warning behind it clear, almost grinning to myself as his expression quickly smoothed out in panic.

I had no sooner closed my bedroom door behind the two of us, when Edward literally ambushed me. One minute I had his tall, lean body holding me up against the door, and the next I was flat on my back in the middle of my bed with Edward pressing down on me in all his unmitigated hunger. It quite literally took my breath away, and I came close to losing myself in the moment of firm, hot lips and squeaky bed springs.

Squeaky bed springs ... that was _not_ going to work.

"Ed..." I began, but he was a master of distraction, erasing all thoughts from my mind, apart from the sensation of his hands as they glided up over my ribs, taking my shirt with them.

What had The General said about Edward controlling me...?

His locked muscles pressed further against me, while his large, unyielding hands navigated me as goose-bumps surfaced across my bare skin.

"Edward…." I breathed, not knowing whether it was a question or statement, and not caring, as Edward replied with a semi-mumbling groan; his voice rustic.

I was going under.

Starry, starry night ... paint your palette blue and grey, look out on a summer's day ... what would Jake and Nessie say…?

This bed really was bloody squeaky.

"Edward!"

It took all my will power to pull away from him, and even more to push him off me, but I wasn't prepared for the complete look of hurt and rejection that crossed his face. It reminded me so completely of the night at the Prom when he thought I didn't want to kiss him.

He removed his hands from beneath my shirt, pushing one of them against his forehead roughly. "Sorry, Bella…"

I pulled it gently away, forcing him to look at me. "Just be patient for a little while longer, okay? Jake and Ness are going to go out later on and give us some privacy..." I raised my brow, emphasising my meaning.

Recognition sparked immediately in his eyes only moments before they again darkened, and broken only by the grin growing across his face. "Okay, I'm sorry, baby," he replied with that lack of oxygen huskiness to his tone, before he dropped his face against my shoulder. His heated breath bathed the skin on my neck immediately in warmth, threatening to splinter my rationality again.

"Why are you apologising…?" I sighed, running my hand up over his back and into his hair.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, only to push his breath shortly through his nose in amusement, before I felt his lips press tenderly against my shoulder. "I've missed you…"

Starry starry night...

He was threatening to bring me undone. I shoved him, knocking him backwards against my ridiculously bloody noisy bed. "Stop it!"

"What am I doing?" he asked, breaking out into soft laughter.

"You know exactly what you're doing," I said, my lips twitching into a wry smile, before I pushed myself off my screechy bed, extending my hand to him as I did. "Come on, I have to go to the shops and get some groceries for Uncle Billy."

With his grin not waning, it skewed teasingly. "To the shops," he echoed me, doing a terrible rendition of my accent.

"Always mocking me," I said with a sigh, nudging him softly in the ribs with my elbow.

Chuckling, he grabbed me by my skirt, pulling me against his side, before he slung his arm over my shoulders.

As we stepped back into the hall he suddenly made this poorly concealed snorting sound. I glanced up at him, my brow quirked questioningly. He tilted his head closer to me. "What's with all the pictures of the blonde dude, babe?"

I broke into a small grin. "He's my secret night time lover. He watches me sleep."

His eyebrows rose dubiously. "You serious?"

Rolling my eyes, I nudged him again. "He's an obvious fetish of my cousin's. The room was filled with posters of him when I arrived." I felt my grin turn sly. "You're not jealous, are you?"

He snorted again. "You kidding me? He looks like that pissant, Newton."

My grin only grew broader in response, but I said nothing.

When we walked downstairs we were immediately confronted by Jake and Nessie slopping heatedly over one another just inside the living room—obviously too absorbed with each other to have overheard Edward's remark against Nessie's brother.

"Edward and I are heading out for a bit ... Jake," I called out to him, not really confident he'd heard me.

He had, and mumbled a slurpy sounding response just as I reflexively recoiled.

Quickening my step, I pulled Edward after me and out the front door.

"Jesus, I'm suddenly full of sobriety," Edward said, only half joking.

Smirking to myself in agreement, I untangled myself from his arms to pull my car keys from my handbag. "Yep."

"And I thought Jazzy pants and the rat were bad." He grinned to himself, climbing into the passenger seat.

I chuckled, pushing the key into the ignition. "You're terrible, Muriel."

"Who?"

**...**

"You know," Edward turned to me after I pulled to a stop in the parking lot out front of the local supermarket, "when you pull on your lip the way you do, it makes me fucking horny."

I turned to him, and he flashed me a fully brazen and cocky grin; reminding me of that pen-planting Edward I had first come to know.

Shaking my head lightly, and breaking into a slight grin, I scoffed the air through my nose cynically. "Yes, Edward Grey."

His eyebrows furrowed for the second time in five minutes. "Who?"

I chuckled this time. "Never mind."

We got out of the car.

"Do you think you could at least pretend to be even a little bit turned on when I try and charm you, baby cakes?" he said to me as he came around the back of the car and draped his arm over my shoulders.

Chuckling lightly, I leaned against him, before I looked up and fluttered my eye lashes teasingly. "Oh, Edward, you're such a spunk. Take me—take me now!"

Rolling his eyes, his grin pulled wryly. "Okay, okay… Forever owning my ass," he muttered.

I wrapped my arm around his back, grabbing a handful of his shirt in my fist. "Good grief, Edward, you charm the back teeth off me, but it doesn't mean I'm going to act like a brain-dead dag over it."

He made that breathy, snorting sound he always did when he was finding secret amusement in me. "Can you repeat what you just said?"

I huffed, releasing my arm from around him to fold both of them across my chest. "Shut up and go and get me a trolley."

There was a pause, and when I glanced back up at him he looked genuinely stumped. "I'm sorry?"

"Are you serious?" I reacted in a screechy voice—sounding oddly like my bed springs.

For one failed moment he attempted to fight off his blatant amusement, before he broke into a tender laugh. "Do you want me to get you a shopping cart, baby?"

He really did know how to charm me….

With a conceding smile, I nudged him teasingly. "Did you know all along?"

"That time? I was completely clueless," he admitted, before he bent down and pressed his lips to my ear. "And you really have to stop pushing your body against me the way you do. It's fucked up what it does to me."

Starry, starry night…

While Edward went to get a _shopping cart_, I attempted to pull myself together in Aisle one of Forks Thriftway. Not very successfully.

Twenty-five minutes later we emerged, with Edward, forever chivalrous, carrying the bags for me.

"Bugger!" I suddenly exclaimed. "I forgot the milk—and there isn't a drop left and Uncle Billy likes a coffee when he gets home."

"Okay, don't stress, babe. Do you want me to run in and get you some?" Edward asked.

I turned to him, pulling my car keys from my purse. "I'll get it. Can you put the groceries in the car for me?"

"Sure thing," he replied, taking my keys and flashing me that askew smile of his, while I turned to go back into the Thriftway, semi-starry.

I had just got through the checkout and was walking back through the entry doors, when an arm draped over me—an arm that I knew immediately didn't belong to Edward—before a sleazy voice spoke into my ear, making me instantly cringe. "So, Bells, I hear you and Cullen are over already. You ready to try out a real guy yet?"

Mike Newton!

Dropping the milk, I turned and shoved him. "Get your fucking hands off me!" I did the bed springs voice again, sounding exactly like my mother, as my face flamed hotly.

Mike only snorted arrogantly and opened his mouth to reply, when his eyes darted over my shoulder. An expression of alarm flickered across his face, and curious, I turned my head to see what had caught his attention.

Edward.

He was striding furiously towards us, and the expression on his face was nothing short of murderous.

Oh God…

I turned to face him, I heard my own voice speak his name, but he only moved me, pretty roughly, behind him. It was like trying to stop a freight train, and with a giant sense of déjà vu, and on impulse, I shut my eyes, just moments before that sickening, bone crunching sound assaulted my senses.

"Yeah—nice sucker-punch, Cullen!" I heard Mike holler accusingly.

When I opened my eyes, I was faced with Mike lying flat on his back, his nose bleeding profusely, with Edward leaning threateningly over him. But of course, Edward being Edward, he dragged him to his feet, only to punch him in the face a second time.

And it hurt him—physically.

I was suddenly filled with anxiety. Even though Mike was spread-eagled on his back groaning, with his hands covering his face—not even remotely posing a threat to Edward—I still feared for him. I could see the pain in Edward's eyes that he was trying to supress, and if Newton caught on…

"Lay one fucking finger on her again, you little fucking weasel, and I'll fucking _end _you!"

Bloody hell. He really knew how to make that one word into an erotic art form.

But his voice was thick and restricted. He was hurt!

My heart seized, and I lunged forward, grabbing him about the waist, pulling him backwards. "He isn't worth it, honey!" I pleaded with him, on the verge of tears.

He turned to face me, his expression smoothing out with tenderness and concern.

"Yeah—fuck you too, _Cullen_!" Mike spat from behind us.

Jesus, he really didn't know when to quit.

Edward's expression immediately hardened, and he made a move to turn back to him, but I grabbed his hand and forced him back.

"Edward … don't."

Releasing his breath and running an angry, rigid hand back through his hair, he relented, nodding, and allowed me to pull him away and back towards my car. With his arm wrapped around me, he walked stiffly—made more obvious by the tense, forced breaths he was pushing through his nose. His expression was dark, his jaw clenched, and as my heart hammered with each step we took, I wasn't entirely sure if it was in fear for him, or a sudden, all-encompassing desire.

He looked completely formidable when he was angry, but at the time, it just wasn't translating to me.

I nudged him, deliberately, pressing my body against him seductively, and emphasizing it tenfold.

He glanced down at me, a small knowing grin breaking through his stony expression.

"Bruiser," I murmured.

He did that breathy, snorty exhaling thing again, a broad smile growing across his face; only this time it wasn't from amusement, but affection. Then, turning to face me, and extending both his arms, I suddenly found myself locked between him and the hood of my car.

"Did…" his grin peaked, "you just call me _honey_?"

"You're hearing things," I teased him in reply, feeling myself becoming embroiled in the heat emanating off him.

"Sap." His eyes deeply canvassed mine, while his voice was gravelly again. Was he out of breath?

Was I?

Good grief….

"Cheeseb—"

He bent down and pressed his lips firmly against mine, effectively cutting me off; only to open his mouth and take me deeper ... and deeper.

Starry, starry night ... flaming flowers that brightly blaze ... swirling clouds in violet haze ... Edward's in a horny daze...

In the twilight of summer, beneath an unfamiliar starry night, we stood leaning up against my car, in the Forks Thriftway parking lot, putting Nessie and Jake, and Alice and Jazz completely to shame.

In my subconscious mind, I felt the cool breeze sweep over my skin, and somewhere in the distance, I heard the blaring sound of car horns, but all I could properly register was Edward's hard, unyielding body against mine, while being completely enslaved by his hands, his mouth, his oh so hot, hot skin….

And my noisy bed springs were going to be a hindrance!

* * *

**A/N: Am I evil? I have been umming and ahhing over another lemon. I might still do one, I dunno. Do you guys want another one?  
Oh and all Aussies, and those who've seen Muriel's Wedding should get Bella's meaning, as well as anyone who's watched The Secretary ;)**

**I'm terrible, Muriel.**

**The next chapter will be completely NEW. Holy shit! Better get cracking.**

**MWAH, Love yas.**


	49. Can't Fight This Feeling

**A/N: I wrote this chapter in 2 days-without a single neurotic, anal retentive episode over its contents. I have no idea what's going on, but I'll just go along for the ride, me thinks.**

* * *

**Chapter 49**

**Can't Fight This Feeling**

**Bella's POV**

Edward and I never made it back to my noisy spring bed; we never made it back home.

Edward drove. My bloody hands were shaking and he had insisted. It was a strange turn-on to see him driving my truck, but at the same time, it brought my attention to the state of his hand. It was bruised and swelling, reminding me of the time that _I _had punched Newton in the face. Only being Edward's hand it began to stir up those conflicting emotions I constantly fought with: the sense of protection over him, and that all-consuming yearning.

"Your hand…" I whispered, aghast.

"It's fine, baby," he said with a husky tone, squeezing it around the steering wheel as if to further reassure me. He stopped at a red light and turned to face me. "Where do you want to go?" His eyes were still ablaze; dark and intense.

I gazed into them, losing all equilibrium, and shook my head lightly. "Anywhere."

I have no idea where Edward took us, but when he came to a stop and turned off the engine, we seemed to be deep in the forest. It was pitch black, and the noise surrounding us wasn't made by humans.

I turned to him, a smirk forming across my face. "No one will hear me scream."

He broke into a full grin, with his forehead quirked as if he was thinking I was a little nuts. "That's the whole point," he said softly, his eyes dropping to my lips. "Now shut up, and no distracting me with that weird ass language of yours."

I flashed him a minimally serious scowl, and as he leaned towards me, I whacked him, before grabbing his shirt and pulling him against me.

I knew then, right at that moment, we weren't going to make it back home.

It quickly became heated, and urgent, and I was becoming so charged up by the feel of him, the taste of him—the bloody smell of him that I was quickly surrendering, allowing him to take me under.

His face was so hot against mine, his mouth burning as he pushed his torrid breath into me. My heart was hammering, my pulse racing, and the arousal I was succumbing to was building rapidly within me. Each time he kissed me deeper, as his tongue connected with mine, it practically jolted me as it expanded. I only pulled him further to me, curling my arm around the nape of his neck, needing his sweltering body against mine.

His hands inched beneath my shirt, as he brought me closer to him, grabbing me in each palm. He wasn't as apprehensive with me this time; it was all desire and hunger, and I was just as responsive—just as reactive, being spurred on by a longing for him that was making me feel slightly irrational.

But it was cramped, and as I pulled him further to me, a sharp, gasping, groan suddenly burst from him.

I immediately pulled back, my breath hitching, alarmed.

"Baby ... stop for a minute," he uttered with a restricted voice. His brow was bunched in discomfort, his hands quickly releasing from me to push himself off the gear stick.

The air gushed from my lungs, and forcing back the laugh, I pressed my lips to his shoulder, kissing his neck briefly before I again pulled back. "I'm sorry."

With his eyes still squeezed shut, his lips twitched slightly, "It's ok." His voice was husky, before his eyes opened.

They were searing—and once again reeling me in.

Grabbing the front of his t-shirt in my fists, I pulled him back to me, and being more conscious of what was in the way, he leaned his body against me.

He was so heavy and his skin seemed to be alight beneath his clothes, his muscles locked and rigid. As I became lost in his mouth, I ran my hands under his t-shirt, feeling his fiery skin beneath my fingers.

Oh God ... I wanted him against me, to feel him warm me from the inside out, but there wasn't enough space and it was becoming more of an issue than what I feared my screechy bed springs would be.

Eventually and reluctantly he pulled from my lips, his breath shallow, his face grazing against mine. "Let me ... work something out," he said huskily, his hot lips pressing against my face before he severed them again. He was trembling, and I could barely contain myself.

"Hurry," I breathed, and I didn't sound like me—I didn't feel like me.

Edward got out of the truck and opened the back. I quickly realised he was laying down the back seats. As clueless as I was, I didn't even realise it was possible.

Grabbing the bags of groceries I plonked them on the front driver's seat, just as Edward closed the door and turned to me. Taking my hands, he helped me climb over the front seats, but I ended up stumbling and came crashing against his chest, pushing him flat on his back.

I broke into soft, breathy laughter, as Edward's grin grew broad and way too charming. He only pushed it through his nose, like he always did. Always finding amusement in me, but this time it didn't make me cynical...

"Do you know how much you really do charm me? It's criminal…" I admitted, my voice a murmur, trying to fight off my smile, before I pressed my lips against his, wanting that intimacy with him—wanting to feel what only he could bring out in me.

He only exhaled shortly, and I could feel the grin on his face as his mouth remained locked with mine, but he didn't break off to say anything. I opened my mouth more to him, and with my eyes closed my senses were heightened; Along with his lips and his hands, I was suddenly feeling the burning hot, rock hard epitome of him pressing against my stomach.

It quickly got away from us; an insatiable need fuelling us. I couldn't focus on anything but Edward; his mouth and hands; his chest heaving against mine; his body pressing unforgivably over me, and wanting that body closer to me with a longing that I was finding hard to comprehend.

But when did anything with Edward and me ever make sense?

Pulling me semi upright, Edward tore my shirt over my head; yanking his off almost as an afterthought, before he brought his lips and hands to my neck, my shoulders and finally over my breasts, as he attempted to unclasp my bra—from the front. Unable to get it off, he pulled back, taking deeper breaths to control himself for a moment, as he tried to work out how to get it off.

I didn't say anything at first; I just watched him becoming frustrated, his forehead knotting, as I fought the urge to laugh. But unable to hold it back, I dropped my lips to his naked shoulders, muffling it against his skin, before I grazed my lips to his ear, "It's at the back…"

He pulled me back to gauge me, and when I looked up to gaze into his searing eyes, he smirked, but his expression was so intense and completely flooded that I was again immediately affected.

Wrapping my arms tightly around his back, I pulled his mouth to mine again.

"You did that on purpose, you little vixen!" he breathed out against my lips before taking them again in his, as his hands slid around to my back where he unclasped my bra.

I only chuckled, breathily, before his fingers came to my face, guiding my mouth more open to him.

My bra slipped from my shoulders, but I didn't register it until his hands covered my breasts, taking me fully. It surprised me, and my lips paused against his for just a moment, before again I let myself get hopelessly lost in his mouth.

The momentum was building within me, from the pit of my stomach, it was becoming an almost painful ache. It was something I had never experienced in my life before, but it was taking on a life of its own, and I was powerless—and unwilling to stop it. My entire body was crying out for him; it was suddenly all that mattered, a dominating force to feel him; to know him, and I was becoming inundated by it.

As it went higher, I suddenly wanted to express it; it was overwhelming me, but with my mouth immersed by his, I could only give a voice to my breath as it hummed against his scorching lips.

He laid me back; I was barely aware of it, until the weight of him was suddenly against me. He was fumbling with his jeans, as he gathered up my long, flowing skirt, but I didn't let him go to make it easier. Even when he pulled from my lips to see what he was doing, I kept my face connected to his neck, his silken chest, inhaling him in, taking as much of him into me with each breath I took.

Clumsily and hastily I felt his hands drag my underwear from my hips, but again I didn't completely register it. I was distracted by my body's reaction to him; my heart was pounding, and the ache was concentrating, making my breath hitch and become more audible.

Somewhere at the back of my mind my rationality was screaming at me to stay focused, not to lose myself in him, but it was futile. Edward had too much power over me, just as my father feared.

I was suddenly shrouded by the entire length of his blazing body as he came to rest completely above me. His chest merged with mine, his breath continuing to flood me until I was burning along with him, as his lips connected and reconnected with mine repeatedly; to my mouth, my face; my neck; my shoulders. It was as if he was literally charging me up, and it was so overpowering, and so outside my control.

It wasn't lost on me what we were about to do, and I found myself following the sensation of his hand as it ran down my side to the back of my knee. With his mouth severing from mine, and resting against my forehead, he pulled my leg over him, and then…

Pain.

I felt him tear into me for the second time. It brought me right back down to earth, as I pressed my lips tightly together so he wouldn't know how much it hurt me. Instinctively I locked up, closing my eyes, my breathing becoming tight and restricted, and when I tried to push past it, it only made the pain I was in more audible.

"Bella ..." Edward's hoarse, gravelly voice spoke to me, "baby, open your eyes. Look at me."

I did.

His eyes were so intensely green but it was almost as if he was in pain along with me; his forehead was creased deeply, and he seemed to be struggling to hang on to the air in his lungs.

"Relax … breathe…" he instructed me, his voice tender, but restrained.

Taking a deep, but constricted breath, I nodded. "I'm OK," I reassured him. I was, but I was becoming impatient.

When was this not going to feel so painful?

His mouth inched askew, his eyes warming before they closed and I felt his lips press to my temple.

He let it build again, kissing me gently, but deeply, distracting me from the discomfort of it until he was beginning to ignite that spark within me once more. Then slowly, with each movement he made, the throbbing pain of it began to slip away.

I let myself relax completely, allowing myself to feel the sensation of it, without fearing the pain that accompanied it. And like the first time, it began to overwhelm me. Feeling him completely inside me—the magnitude of it—was inundating me. I wasn't able to feel only the physical side of it. I couldn't help it; this connection with Edward was too real—too intimate, but then I was never able to understand the concept of it being anything but.

I processed it from this perspective, tuning into Edward's body as I gave him mine, feeling it building within him, taking over him, moving him to a higher place.

I closed my eyes again, concentrating on his lips as they pressed to my face, his body that was encompassing mine—and the rocking of my truck that suddenly sounded like it was in pain. In fact, I almost laughed, snorting it through my nose as my breath rebounded off Edward and back against me.

I felt Edward's reaction against my lips, his breath gushing from his nose, just as his body began to quiver.

He moved suddenly with more force, making me almost flinch, while his arms that held himself against me began to quake. He took one hard, restricted breath after another, releasing it audibly, just as an almost strained, guttural sound burst from him.

Just the sound of it alone brought my focus back to the pulling—the building ache, but in the next moment he all but collapsed on top of me, his muscles unlocking as his hammering heart rocked against me; in sync with the pounding within me.

I let go of my breath, my arms encircling around Edward's trembling body, as he pushed his chest off me to plant his lips against my brow almost clumsily. His breath continued to flood me, making heat prickle to the surface of my skin, and again I wanted to cry. I didn't know why but I just felt engulfed, overcome and unable to properly comprehend it.

I was sure this wasn't what I was supposed to feel.

I focused on Edward's heart as it continued to rock through me, letting my breathing become calm and even. I was almost literally tingling, and a tender ache was growing out of me, but despite it, a smile began to form on my lips.

"Hey?" came Edward's warm, rustic voice again. I opened my eyes to see that bloody all too charming grin growing broadly across his face. "You're beautiful."

My smile turned wry, before I shook my head a little. "You're a sap." My voice was raspy.

His grin hedged with affection before a small frown grew on his face. "I hurt you again, didn't I?"

"Only in the beginning," I admitted. "Then … I liked it." It wasn't a lie.

His smile inched further, before his expression grew almost devilish. "You know," his tone lowered as he rested his forehead gently against mine, "there's stuff I can do to you that will make you _like it_ more."

My grin was just beginning to grow again when panic suddenly stalled my heart. "Oh my God!" I suddenly exclaimed.

"What?" he asked in sudden alarm.

"Did … you—use a condom!?"

In what seemed like disbelief he scoffed out his breath. "Of course I did, Bella. Do you think I'd do that to you?"

Taking a relieved breath, I pushed my hand through my hair, before wrapping it back over his shoulders. His skin was beginning to cool. "I'm sorry," I mumbled, sheepishly.

He smirked, shaking his head a little, before kissing me tenderly on my lips. "You're gonna kill me."

I had dropped the ball; I'd lost my focus, and what if Edward had as well?

Rolling off me and moving me with him, Edward pulled me against his side, but the minute the heat of his body left me I began to shiver. I was cold, but I think a part of it was the adrenalin coming back down, and I started to feel all overcome again.

Sensing it, Edward decided to distract me. "Tell me all about those criminal things I do to you?" His voice was teasing, and I didn't have to see that all too sure of himself grin to know that it was plastered across his face.

I nudged him in the ribs. "You're hearing things again."

He broke into a short laugh, pulling me further against him as I continued to shudder.

I needed to keep a blanket or something in the back for future reference, but I was still unsure whether it was only because of the cold.

Bringing my hand to my forehead, I pressed my palm into my skin. "I'm sorry, Edward. I still feel like I'm semi virginal."

Why did I just confess that out loud?

He turned to look at me, his brow quirking with a dubious sort of amusement. "What are you on about? I like you being _semi-virginal_," he teased me, before rolling his sweaty chest against me and pressing his lips to my neck. "Oh, Bella, always thinking too much. Way, way waaaaay too much."

Feeling my brow crease, I flashed him a strange look, breaking into a small smile. "That sounds like something I'd say about you."

"You did," he murmured with a sly, teasing look in his eyes, before he pressed his lips to mine, and then again, longer and deeper.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I curled myself against him. His skin was damp and pliable, and I buried my nose into his chest. He smelled woody and musky, and his body heat immediately warmed me again.

I let myself come completely down, savouring his mouth against mine, before his burning lips pressed to my face, and then to my neck. Then with what seemed like reluctance, he pulled back and released his breath, which quickly turned into a lazy sounding groan. "Okay, we better get your ass back before you get hypothermia."

I nudged him gently. "Always mocking me!"

**...**

Edward wanted to drive again—despite the fact that he didn't have a licence—and before he backed out of the forest road he'd parked us on, he turned to me, reaching out with his hand to cup the nape of my neck.

"Thanks, baby," he said, his tone soft and affectionate.

I smiled in return, flashing him a funny look. "What for?"

He half shrugged. "Just 'cause..."

"You're a dag."

His grin inched broader this time, with amusement. "I have absolutely no idea what that word even means."

"It means you're a silly bear," I replied, imitating Jake's interpretation of it to Ness on my first day in Forks, and laughing as Edward's brow immediately quirked.

"That was terrible, Bella."

Stopping off first to grab some milk, Edward drove us back to Uncle Billy's, who was waiting for us when we pulled up.

I turned to glance at Edward with concern. I knew immediately something was wrong; Uncle Billy had his hands on his hips, his head lowered, and as we got out of the car, he quite visibly sighed.

"Come on, Edward, I have to take you in," he said seriously, taking Edward by the upper arm and guiding him towards the police car.

"What?" I asked in disbelief, feeling my heart skip. "What for?"

"You too, Bella, come on." He held his hand out for me to follow.

I shook my head. "What's going on, Uncle Billy? What's Edward done?"

I looked over to Edward, but he didn't seem surprised at all; he appeared … resigned, and his jaw was set.

"Mike Newton's parents have filed assault charges against you, Edward," Uncle Billy explained sedately, with a sigh that suddenly appeared weary. "They are claiming you broke his nose, as well as his front tooth."

"He's lucky I didn't break his neck," Edward muttered, his face immediately darkening.

"The two of you can explain it at the station."

* * *

**A/N: K so I had to do another lemon (if you can call what I write, lemons, that is), Edward had one and so Bella needed to as well. It's her story as much as his, after all. Bella sees things completely different, doesn't she?**  
**Hope you liked, and you know your poison; review or lurk-it's all good.**

**Only one chapter left. It will probably be from Bella's pov. She started this story, and so I figured she should end it. Now I'm off to cry in my pepsi max.**  
**Love yas xoxo**


	50. Story of My Life

**A/N: This is part one of the end; part 2 will be from Edward. This story has been written over 5 years and I'm really just ready to have it finished now.**

**Yes ... One Direction ... but it's fitting.**

* * *

**Chapter 50**

**Story of My Life.**

**Part 1.**

**Bella's POV**

Uncle Billy decided not to press assault charges against Edward. Apparently Tyler Crowley, who was working at the Thriftway at the time, as well as the Store Manager both witnessed what had happened and were able to corroborate mine and Edward's statements. I also filled my uncle in on Mike's behaviour from the party on the night of Edward's accident, up until what had happened tonight.

He only gazed at me for a moment, his expression slowly growing dark before he released his breath. Slamming down his pen, he got to his feet and ushered me to the door. "Wait for me out here, Bella," he instructed me quietly, before turning his attention to Edward. "Edward, I have called your parents to come and pick you up."

"Great," Edward muttered as I sat beside him and grabbed his hand. "My mother's going to freak."

Freak was a slight understatement.

The moment Mrs Cullen walked into the police station with Carlisle following close behind, she pointed her finger at Edward, and stated in a cold, hard voice, "I'm in a good mind to leave you here all night!"

Edward's expression twisted, as a huff escaped his lips, just as Uncle Billy walked out of his office. "I won't be detaining Edward. He's free to go."

He motioned for Esme and Carlisle to speak with him, and as Esme passed Edward she glared at him. "Don't think this is the end of it, mister."

"Fuck my life," Edward muttered in response, releasing my hand to drag his back through his hair.

"Uncle Billy will explain it all. Don't stress," I said softly to him, but he remained unconvinced.

When he turned to me his expression was uneasy, his brow knotting. "You don't know my mother, babe."

"Hey," I nudged him playfully with my shoulder, "she couldn't be any worse than mine."

He broke into an immediate grin, pushing it through his nose, before wrapping his arm around me and pulling me to him.

Bloody hell he was hot. I often wondered whether he was running a fever.

Resting my hand on his leg, I relaxed against him for a moment, feeling him immediately tense the minute his mother reappeared from Uncle Billy's office.

"In the car—now, Edward."

He didn't move.

"_Edward_!" His mother warned; she suddenly looked incredibly intimidating.

"I'll get Bella to drop me off later," Edward replied defiantly, getting to his feet and pulling me after him.

Esme took a step closer to him, her eyes narrow, and her expression uncompromising. "Edward, I'm warning you now. Get your ass in the car right this minute!"

And because Edward was Edward, he snorted. "Or what? You'll drag me there?"

Esme looked like that was exactly what she was about to do, when I interjected with a resigned sigh, "Edward, just go, and ... call me later."

This is when Mrs Cullen turned her eyes to me. They were stone cold, and emotionless, immediately reminding me of Edward's the afternoon of condom testing. She took a step in my direction, as a ripple of panic spread through me, causing me to impulsively stumble back from her; finding myself against my Uncle. "Oh no, Bella. Edward won't be calling you—or anyone—for a _very long time_."

"Mom—Jesus!" Edward exclaimed angrily, before his gaze met mine, his expression contrasting into guilt. _I'm so sorry,_ he mouthed to me.

I only nodded quickly, with the sense of uneasiness growing within me.

Uncle Billy placed his hands over my shoulders, his breath leaving him. "Okay, everyone needs to calm down. Mrs Cullen, I can understand where you're coming from, but this isn't helping."

Esme's narrowing eyes rose to my uncle's. "Thank you, Chief Swan, we'll handle it from here."

"This is such _bullshit_!" Edward suddenly burst. His eyes were burning, making him appear close to tears. "If you think I'm going _anywhere_ with you—you're kidding yourself!" And with that, he turned around and left the precinct, slamming the door aggressively as he went.

I flinched, before immediately pulling from my uncle's arms and going after him, hearing Mrs Cullen burst as I left, "He's going to kill himself over that girl!"

_That girl?_

Edward was walking about thirty feet ahead of me, the anger immersed deeply in his strides, his posture—in every rigid muscle of his body.

Running towards him, I called out his name; he stopped walking and half turned to me just as I reached him.

"Hey—where are you going?" I asked him, deliberately making my tone gentle as I fought to catch my breath.

He turned to me fully and grabbed my upper arms. His expression was completely overrun, his eyes intensifying with the emotion of it. "What was I supposed to do—let that _fucking pissant_ put his hands on you? What was I supposed to do?" He was on the edge of control and it was scaring me—making me fear for him.

Nodding, I grabbed his t-shirt in my hands, pulling him closer to me. "I know—I know—Edward, please calm down." My tone broke. I couldn't stand this—to see him like this.

He pulled me to him roughly, folding me against his hammering heart and his burning skin, as his heated breath flooded over me. "I'm sorry, Bella! I'm so sorry."

He was on the verge of tears. Jesus, what was I doing to him?

"Edward—bloody hell," I burst, feeling myself becoming inundated with fear and anxiety for him. This person who was ruled by such a passionate, dominating heart, and who had made me whole again had become so ingrained in who I was now. It was if my heart was now rigged as a receptor to his, unable to function independently. It scared the life out of me. "It's okay—really, it is."

I pulled him off the road under the canopy of a line of maple trees. He was breathing stiffly, his jaw set, with his hands on his hips, continuing to struggle, only his eyes were drowning, making him appear so lost and vulnerable.

I kissed him, over and over, repeatedly, feeling his body tremble against mine as he fought the onslaught of emotion that was attacking him. Edward would never be in full control of his emotions—I knew this now, and understanding it helped me to calm him down.

This was just who he was.

Severing my lips from his, I moved back to see his face, telling him adamantly, "Don't let yourself get so upset—you didn't do anything wrong."

He nodded, expelling his breath warily. "I suppose I should just let my mother get it out of her system."

I mumbled out a humming reply, dropping my gaze to his chest where I smoothed down his t-shirt. "I'm beginning to think you and your mother are a lot alike." Looking back up, I met his eyes again, my smile turning wry.

He laughed, the timbre of it soft as it rocked gently from his chest. "I'm sure she'd like hearing that."

Kissing me tenderly, but briefly on the lips, he encircled his arm around my shoulder and turned us back towards the Police Station again.

Carlisle was waiting by his car watching us approach, and seeing him Edward suddenly burst, sounding more like his old self again, "I'm not going to fucking apologise for anything."

"You'd better not!" I replied lightly, sighing beneath my breath; secretly relieved. As ironic as it was, I definitely preferred his short temper.

"Everything ok, Edward?" Carlisle enquired when we came to a stop beside him.

Edward only half nodded, half jerked his shoulder in irritation.

"I've calmed down your mother, she and Chief Swan are talking inside for a moment—he's a fair man," Carlisle elaborated.

"What a great story," Edward replied, with blatant sarcasm.

"Edward," I whispered to him, nudging him gently in the ribs.

A small smile lit up on his face before he turned to me, planting his lips on my temple for a moment. "Seeya, Bella. I'll call you later," he said lowly, before he opened the back door to the Mercedes and got in.

Carlisle took a sedate breath, before turning his clear blue eyes to mine and offering me what appeared to be an empathetic smile. I returned it briefly before turning back to Edward where it completed itself across my face. He grinned back, winking, but his expression still remained guarded.

Sighing wearily, I turned to walk back inside the precinct, only to find myself staring into the emotionless green eyes of his mother.

She flashed me a strange sort of grimace, that I think was meant to be some kind of farewell, but all I could hear in my mind was, _that girl, that girl, that girl, that girl who's going to kill him._

I glanced down eager to sever her gaze, feeling awkward and unsure of myself, and hating the fact that I did.

"Goodbye, Bella," I heard Mrs Cullen say, with a minimal amount of courtesy.

"Goodbye," I spoke softly in return, before I again met Edward's eyes through the window. _Bye_, I mouthed to him, flashing him a warm, parting smile.

_I love you_, he replied.

I didn't respond to it. I'm not sure why; maybe because I feared it was the reason this was all happening.

**...**

Uncle Billy drove me back home several minutes later, and the atmosphere inside the car was strained.

"Are you going to tell my father what happened tonight?" I braved as he pulled up in front of the house.

"No," he answered matter-of-factly, before sighing deeply and explaining further, "despite Edward's history, Bella, how he acted tonight wasn't out of the ordinary."

With a relieved sigh beneath my breath, I opened the door, turning back to flash my uncle a grateful grin.

"Where's Jake and that girlfriend of his?" he queried after returning my smile with added warmth.

"I think they went to the movies," I lied quickly. I didn't know where they'd gone, just that—in keeping with my agreement with Jake—they'd gone to give me and Edward some privacy.

Privacy we no longer needed...

After Uncle Billy dropped me off, I retrieved the groceries from the backseat of my car, where they had remained, and headed inside.

Jake and Ness weren't home.

I was restless. After putting the groceries away, I cleaned the living room of cheese ball crumbs, and empty cans of cola, mentally calculating how long it would take Edward to get home, be lectured by his parents, storm around angrily in his room and then calm himself enough to call me.

I put it at an hour.

But after an hour and a half I still hadn't heard from him, and becoming more anxious I called him. Three times it went straight to his voice mail, and for a moment, forgetting myself I took note of his message with a knowing grin forming on my face; I hadn't heard it before.

**It's Edward, what's so important?**

Though, after a fifth time hearing it I was no longer seeing the humour in it, and gave in, calling his house.

Esme answered.

"Hi, Mrs Cullen, I-I was just … w-wondering how Edward was," I said, stumbling for words.

"Edward is fine," she replied curtly, "but I'm sorry, Bella, I don't think it's a good idea that he speak to you at the moment."

My heart paused, and I faltered; I opened my mouth to respond, but I had no words, and in the next moment she hung up.

Blinking, I drew in a shaky breath, feeling the sting of it. I valued Mrs Cullen's opinion and I had a high respect for her, and to have her think lowly of me, shook me more than I wanted to admit. It made me doubt myself.

Refusing to succumb to tears, I headed into the kitchen for a tissue, knowing it was inevitable. I felt pathetic and ashamed without fully comprehending why, but it should have been clear; it was always how Renee made me feel.

Grabbing the entire box of tissues from the kitchen counter, I headed to my room. It was then that my phone rang, making me almost fall backwards down the stairs in my eagerness to answer it.

Alice.

"Hey, Bells, I couldn't remember whether Edward said you were dropping him home or if I was," Alice blurted in a cheerful voice before I was able to speak a word.

"Alice!" I suddenly exclaimed, my tone becoming seeped by anxiety, and in a rush, I explained everything.

"Oh ... fuck..." she mumbled sounding impatient but uneasy. "I'd better get home."

"I'm worried about him, Alice," I stressed, feeling close to tears. "Please let me know what's happening!"

Edward could so easily lose it, and he was so unpredictable and impulsive.

"My mother's an idiot!" she suddenly blurted in uncharacteristic hostility, before her tone softened. "I will, Bella, I promise. Talk soon."

Forty minutes later Alice called back.

I'd called Edward a further five times; each time it went straight to his message bank. It was obvious his phone was switched off and he didn't have it on him. I had no other choice but to wait for Alice, and I'd been so frozen in fear and anticipation the whole time that when she finally did call I almost fell apart.

"Bella, I have Edward with me, and we're on our way over. He wants to say goodbye."

"_Goodbye_?" I repeated, my voice rising in panic before catching. "Where's he going?"

"We'll be there in five minutes."

I waited outside on the porch in my pyjama pants and singlet top shaking, my arms folded across my chest in vain, but it wasn't only from the cold. It was a long five minutes, but Alice pulled up right on time, and in the next moment, Edward was out of the car and walking up the path, his expression completely flooded—something that immediately reacted in me.

I pulled him to me, my hand wrapping around the nape of his neck, just as he dragged me against him, engulfing me in his arms.

"I'm sorry, baby," he said, his voice husky and too compromised, before his lips enclosed over mine, and then again longer and deeper, repeatedly, taking me willingly into him; into his passion, his intensity, his ever constant warmth.

"Edward…" I broke away, breathlessly, turning my head so that his lips pressed against my cheek, "what's going on?"

Tears were spilling aimlessly down my face—I hadn't even been aware of them.

He stopped and seemed to gather his breath in resignation, gently wiping my tears away with his fingers. "Come inside... You're freezing."

We'd walked no more than five feet into the house when I turned him back to me. "Tell me," I whispered with a growing sense of trepidation.

Taking another deep, subdued breath he began, "Tomorrow, I'm going to Vermont"—I felt my expression immediately transfix in dismay—"it's just for three weeks, baby."

Exhaling heavily, my shoulders slumping with it, I let my gaze fall to the floor. "Your mother wants to get you away from me…"

"No," he tipped my chin, making me look at him again, "... come and sit down for a moment."

Wrapping his arm around my shoulders he led me to the lounge, where I sat beside him, one hand on his leg; the other flat to my forehead in a vain effort to hold myself together.

"Bella, my mother just thinks my fucking personality is some kind of syndrome, but if I don't do this she won't get off my back. She's threatened to send me to Military school next year"—my heart stalled—"even to one of those three month camps in the middle of fucking nowhere, where they come and physically drag you there. I-I have to prove to her thatI'm not_ out of control_." He quoted with his fingers sarcastically, rolling his eyes, before he slung his arm back around my shoulders.

"I-I thought Uncle Billy explained to her what happened?" I asked, feeling suddenly over wrought, the pitch of my voice reflecting it.

His expression darkened further, before he shrugged his shoulder, looking defeated. "She won't listen, baby."

"What's ... in Vermont?" I asked, placing my hand to his cheek, my fingers burying into his hair.

His eyes again met mine, sombre, resigned. "My Uncle runs a camp for kids with Autism. I'm going to be a counsellor—I guess you could say."

"So, it's like a summer job?"

He scoffed shortly, bitterly, moving his hand from around me to push his fingers into his ridged brow. "No, more of a fucking punishment."

I only sighed, my hand dropping from his face to his shoulder, where I bowed my head, disheartened.

"Baby ... I've just got to do it, but she promised me that if I go I will only have to work with Carlisle for three days a week when I get back. Plus"—I rose my head to look at him again, hopeful—"Jazz agreed to go with me."

I nodded slowly, managing a half a smile, before shrugging a shoulder. "It doesn't sound too terrible."

"Yeah, and it's just for three weeks," he conceded, but with a gentle smile.

I returned it for a moment longer, before I dropped my gaze, pushing the heel of my palm into my forehead. "I hate that she thinks I'm so terrible for you."

"Bella..." he huffed good-naturedly, cupping my cheek and forcing my eyes back to his, "she doesn't think you're bad for me—she thinks _I'm_ bad for you."

I felt my brow knot. "Why are you bad for me?"

"I don't know, you tell me." He shrugged, his smile inching broader and hinting with his all too familiar charm.

"Well," I answered, my tone dropping teasingly, "you _do_ drive me crazy, but that's just a given."

His grin turned broad and toothy, before he chuckled softly, pulling me into his arms again. "Anyway," he said after a moment, his face buried against my hair, "It'll all be worth it the next time we see that _fucking weasel_, Newton."

I laughed gently, before I grabbed the front of Edward's t-shirt in my fists, and pressed my face against his chest, breathing him in deeply. For a moment, I kept my thoughts focused on the present, telling myself there was nothing to overreact to, but a sense of inevitability began to wash over me.

"It isn't going to work, is it?" I asked close to tears, again looking up to meet his ever intense gaze, elaborating, my voice almost failing me. "You and me..."

A burdened emotion flashed across his face, his brow creasing further with it. "Why would you say that, Bella?"

I shook my head, trying to hold off the tears as I did. "Because ... I have too much baggage—and I bring out the worst in you."

He expelled the air in his lungs into a frustrated sounding sigh. "Bella ... no one said we had to be perfect. I know I'm a bad tempered prick most of the time, and you're a stubborn little rat"—his lips twitched slightly, causing me to break into a small smile—"but everyone has shit to work on, and we're no different."

I gazed into his eyes for a moment longer, nodding, and biting down on my bottom lip, my brow heavily creased to prevent myself from crying. It didn't work, and Edward immediately encircled me in his arms.

"Do you want us to work?" he asked softly after a pause, and there was a vulnerability in his tone.

"Of course I do," I replied passionately, gripping him to me tighter, before pulling back to look at him. "I just want _one week_ without something happening that pulls us apart, and where I feel like I have no control over _anything_!" My voice rose in frustration; it was a vent I needed, but it only made me feel more inundated.

Nodding in understanding, he curved his hand around the back of my neck, pulling me against his chest. "I know, baby..."

Taking several deep, wavering breaths, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to calm, focusing on Edward's hands as they ran through my hair, and his lips as they pressed against my brow, my temple, my cheek ... until slowly the kinetics of my senses began to shift—just as they inevitably did with him.

Lifting my head I ran my nose up along his neck before I stopped, pressing my lips to his skin just below his ear. His body temperature seemed to increase in just those few moments—increasing at the base of his throat where I placed my lips next, in his face that pressed to the top of my head, and in the palm of his hand as he guided my mouth to his.

He was burning, and my body immediately reacted to it, creating a fire within me, a need; that ever constant yearning...

And in the next minute we were stumbling up the stairs, kissing deeply, heatedly, blindly. As usual I was only half aware of what I was doing, fuelled forward and controlled by the sheer physical desire and hunger for Edward and nothing else.

By the time we got to my room, with Edward collapsing on top of me in the middle of my bed, he was already topless, his shirt on the stairs along with my pyjama bottoms, his jeans falling to his ankles. As he maneuvered himself to remove his shoes, with his lips not severing from mine, the sound of my bed springs began to drown out the rushed sound of our breathing.

For a moment I was oblivious to it, content to lose myself against Edward and the sensation of his hands over me, his mouth taking me further, until his lips paused over mine, and the air suddenly burst from his nose as he silently laughed.

"Oh, fuck no..." he mumbled semi against my mouth, continuing to chuckle. Pressing his lips one more time to mine, he pulled himself off me, grabbing my hand as he did, before he hauled my mattress off my noisy spring base, letting it drop to the floor beside it.

"Better?" he murmured, his grin growing askew, before drawing me into his arms again and planting his searing lips against mine.

"Better," I pulled back briefly to reply breathlessly, while Edward used the opportunity to peel my singlet top over my head.

I curled my naked torso against his for a moment, content to feel his supple, heated skin against mine as his fingers grazed up and over my body. Eventually, I allowed his hands to delicately inch between us, run over my breasts, where he cupped them to my face and enclosed his parted mouth again over mine.

"You okay...?" he murmured as he slid his nose to the other side of mine to reconnect our lips.

I only hummed breathlessly in reply into his mouth, closing my eyes and surrendering myself more to him.

I allowed him to take control, as I slowly emerged from the complete abstraction of longing and desire to prepare myself physically. I let him keep me as distracted as I could, so I wouldn't focus on every action he made—so I wouldn't clam up—in hopes that it wouldn't hurt so much this time.

It did anyway. The moment he pushed into me, I immediately locked up, sucking in my breath. In fact, it hurt more than it did in the back of my car earlier; it was beginning to frustrate me.

I tried my best to mask it from him, while attempting to release myself from the sensation, but I wasn't fooling him.

He paused and rested his lips heavily on my forehead. "Relax ... Bella."

"I'm fine—shhhh, stop worrying about me!" I snapped.

Exhaling shortly through his nose in obvious amusement, he moved into me again, deliberately slowing himself down.

I concentrated on his chest as it pushed repeatedly up and against mine, his hot breath as it flooded over the side of my face; and his hands as they entwined around mine, squeezing...

It wasn't about physical pain or even desire for me, but having this moment with Edward, letting him in and embracing this intimacy with him. It still surprised me how much I yearned for it—how much I craved that connection with him.

He was going longer than he had earlier, and he was getting tired. His body was becoming heavy over me and beginning to shake, his face dragging over mine, while I could feel his heart pounding from every pore of his dampening skin. It was then that he seemed to almost literally explode, physically and verbally reacting to it in such a raw and rustic way that it ignited that spark in me where his was dimming.

"Fucking hell..." he managed to utter breathlessly, relaxing his entire weight on me as his heart continued to hammer rapidly within him.

I released my breath fully, physically relieved it was over, but as usual, emotionally engulfed. Running my fingers into Edward's dampening hair, I cradled his head to my chest as he came down. He seemed to be barely conscious, and as I pushed my fringe back from my face, feeling more and more overwhelmed, I ended up in soft laughter.

"What's so funny?" he mumbled, sounding almost drunk.

"You. You're a wet noodle," I teased him affectionately, wrapping my hand back around his neck.

"I love you, baby…" he half spoke in a murmur, half hummed.

I chuckled softly, pressing my lips to the top of his head. "You're not in full control of your reason yet, Eddy Weddy, honey bear."

"Sap..." he mumbled with even less coherency.

A moment later he fell asleep flush on top of me and still inside me, snoring softly as I caressed my fingers gently over his brow and into his hair.

He was so heavy I was beginning to feel suffocated, so after successfully managing to roll him off me, without fully waking him, I succumbed to the pulling of exhaustion and went asleep curled in his ever thermal arms.

**...**

We were awoken an hour later by that bloody ridiculous sounding rap song that was my iPhone ringtone.

Jolting against me, Edward rose his head groggily, looking around the room with his brow knotted.

"What the hell is that noise?" he mumbled.

"My phone. Can you get it?" I murmured into his chest, sleepily.

It was sitting on my bedside table.

Pulling his torso off me, he reached out and grabbed it. "Alice," he said in a croaky voice before putting it to his ear.

She was coming to pick him up.

With a reluctant sigh, Edward pulled himself off me, and with the absence of his body heat I was immediately cold. Shivering, I rushed to cover myself with my doona, my eyes not leaving his naked silhouette from the dim moonlight as he yanked on his jeans.

He left my bedroom, returning a moment later pulling his t-shirt over his head one handed; my pyjama bottoms were in his other.

"Might not want to leave these where your uncle will find them," he said, kneeling down to me, a sleepy, charming grin growing across his face.

I smiled back with added affection, wanting to pull him back to me for five minutes more, but grudgingly, I pulled myself to my feet and hastily got myself dressed.

We waited on the porch for Alice, just as I had done a couple of hours earlier, and when she arrived, Edward drew me tightly into his arms.

"It's just for three weeks," he reminded me in a husky whisper.

With my face pressed to his chest, I nodded in resignation, taking a deep breath in and clinging to him for a moment longer.

"You're not gonna go all sappy on me now, are you?" he teased me in a tender voice.

I laughed gently, shoving him playfully, before pushing off him and tilting my head back to meet his lips. It was brief, before his kiss connected to my cheek, my forehead, then back to my mouth, where it deepened and lingered.

Stretching on my toes, I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him tighter against me, as I opened my mouth to his further, wanting to prolong this moment for as long as I could.

Again he rested his lips against the top of my head momentarily, before he inevitably released me, and turned to walk down the steps.

Grabbing his hand I pulled him back, again stretching up to whisper into his ear, "In three weeks we'll no longer need condoms."

He moved back to look at me, his grin becoming sly and mischievous, before he replied in a teasing murmur, "In three weeks I will make you scream my name so loudly, Nummi and Rach will hear you all the way in Rocherrie."

My eyes immediately widened, causing him to break into soft laughter

I nudged him, my smile becoming wry. "Hurry back, stranger."

He kissed me one last time, tender, but brief. "Later, alligator."

Again he turned to leave and again I grabbed his hand.

"I love you," I told him when his eyes again met mine. My voice was soft and a little too affected.

His smile this time was charming, but almost sad, before he teased me, "_Bloody hell_, babe, you're becoming such a cheeseball."

"Always mocking me."

I stood on the doorstep and watched him go, fighting to keep the emotion from reflecting on my face. He threw me one last affectionate grin, and then he was gone, and a thought immediately penetrated my mind.

Was this how I looked to Kel the last time I saw her before I left for the U.S.?

**...**

I trudged back upstairs to my room, demanding I stop acting like a drama queen, my brow aching as I stubbornly repressed my tears.

This would be good for us, I told myself repeatedly. We'd been through so much for such a short time of being together, after all; a break would be good.

It'd set us on a new, more positive trajectory.

My room was in a shambles, and it helped lighten my mood as my mind replayed the last moments I'd had with Edward as I tidied it up. In fact, I was so caught up in it, that when Jacob came through the front door, slamming it so hard the entire house shook, I almost jumped ten feet out of my skin.

In surprise, I pulled open my door just as he was walking passed. His jaw was clenched, his face flushed and contorted, looking nothing short of irate.

"Jake, what's—" I managed to ask, before he disappeared into his bedroom, slamming that door with as much anger, making me wince.

With an internal groan that quickly became audible with frustration—knowing exactly what this was about—I knocked on his door quietly, hesitantly. "Jake? Can I come in?"

"Yeah, Bells," he replied. It didn't sound like him at all; there was a bitter edge to his tone.

Apprehensively, I opened the door; Jake was sitting stiffly on his bed, his head resting in his palms.

Sitting beside him, I wrapped my arm over his drawn shoulders. "You know what happened tonight, don't you?"

"You mean Cullen beating the crap out of that dickwad, Newton? Yep!" he spat.

I paused with uncertainty, before I breeched, "Are you angry at him?"

"At who?" He removed his head from his hands to look at me. His dark eyes were blazing. I'd never seen him like this before.

"Edward," I answered quietly.

He scoffed sarcastically. "Of course I'm not—he did exactly what I would have done."

Taking a relieved breath, I tightened my arm around him, making my voice more consoling. "But Nessie's angry..."

"Nessie wanted me to kick Edward's ass, and when I told her I wouldn't she broke up with me," he stated bluntly, his tone void of emotion.

"What?!" I exclaimed, immediately annoyed.

He shrugged shortly.

"Oh fuck that!" I burst, getting off his bed and striding angrily into my room, where I snatched up my phone.

Nessie answered after the third ring, already sounding defensive. "I don't want to talk about it, Bella!"

"Well too bad, because this is _bullshit_, Nessie!" I snapped.

"Oh give me a break, Bella," Nessie retorted, her tone sarcastic. "You're blind when it comes to Edward, and you've brainwashed Jake. I hope you're happy!"

I huffed out my breath, pissed off and struggling to control my sudden anger. "I'm blind am I? What do you think Jake would do if Edward put his hands all over _you_?"

"That's not what happened!" She snorted, mockingly.

"_The hell_?" I screeched. "_I _was the one he did it to—why do you think Edward wasn't charged with anything?"

"Um … maybe because your uncle is the chief of police," she answered, her tone turning patronising.

I was fuming. "Okay, first—that's a huge insult to Jacob's father, and second, Edward wasn't charged because the manager of the Thriftway, as well as several employees, saw what happened_."_

She was quiet, and the longer she was the more pissed off I became.

"Nessie, me and Edward have _nothing _to do with you and Jake," I ranted, "and you have no right to put Jake in that position—you know, you mustn't really love him like he loves you, because when your asshole of a brother was going around spreading lies about me, Jake never once threatened to break up with you if you didn't make him shut up."

More silence.

Exasperated, my patience snapped. "Well since you have nothing else to say, I'm going. I've had enough bullshit for one night!" I hung up, throwing my phone on my bed in disgust and whirling around with my arms crossed, fuming further to myself.

"Thanks, Bella," Jake said, his tone softer.

I looked up and caught his gaze as he stood in the door way, a begrudging smile on his face. I only smiled back in reply, before I walked over to him, pulling him down to wrap my arms around his back. "I'm sorry, Jake."

"It's not your fault, Bells. This was coming for a while," he admitted, squeezing me in return.

I pulled back to gaze at him quizzically. "It was?"

"Yeah," he said simply with half a shrug. "Wanna chat?"

"Sure."

While Jake sat in front of the TV flicking through channels, I headed to the kitchen. Making two cups of cocoa, and grabbing a tub of choc chip ice cream from the freezer, I joined him in the living room.

"This is how us girls do it," I said lightly, setting it all down on the coffee table and handing him a spoon.

He took it with an abashed grin, and after taking several mouthfuls of ice cream in silence he finally spoke up, meeting my gaze earnestly. "The truth is, Bells ... I've been thinking of breaking up with Ness for a while."

I almost choked on my hot chocolate.

"Um—what?" I uttered in disbelief.

He chuckled lightly, shrugging his shoulders. "It's true. I mean she's so possessive and jealous. I can't go anywhere with the boys without her hounding me to make sure I'm not with no other girls."

"Really?" I asked, feeling my brow quirk. "You never said a word, Jake."

"Well, I didn't want to bother you, Bells—I mean, with your pal in Australia..." he abandoned it, breaking my gaze and rubbing the back of his neck.

"Yeah..." I mumbled quietly, with a tightening in my chest that I pushed aside stubbornly.

He took a gulp of his cocoa, seeming in contemplation, and when he met my eyes again he expanded on it, "Everyone thinks we're really—what do you call it? Sloppy?" His lips twitched ironically. I only laughed shortly and nodded for him to continue. "But it's her more than me. I mean, I won't say no"—his expression turned devilish for a moment—"but it's _all the time_."

I nodded in understanding, remaining almost incredulous. "I never expected this—ever, and this afternoon you made that arrangement with me..."

He blushed, his grin lopsided and sheepish. "Yeah, I mean, I kinda wanted to make it work, because I like having a girlfriend."

I shook my head to myself, my thoughts probing back over the last several months regarding him and Nessie. "I had no idea she was so possessive," I finally admitted.

He nodded emphatically. "Hell yeah, she is. Like, last week when I was out with Sam and the guys at the movies, she turned up—and she always does shit like that."

"Yeah, that's not good," I replied in agreement.

"Plus…" Jake's expression suddenly turned sly, only his face was going a deep shade of red.

"Plus?"

"Plus, I've kinda been hanging with Leah..." He bit down on his bottom lip and broke eye contact.

"Leah…?" I asked blankly.

Good grief, did I know my cousin at all?

"Leah Clearwater," he explained. "You know? Seth's sister?"

I nodded slowly. I knew who she was, but I was just stumped by this whole conversation. "Um … wow…?"

"What? Bells, what—you don't like her?" He suddenly seemed anxious.

I shook my head quickly. "No, it's not that. I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around all this."

He slung his arm heavily over my shoulder, squeezing me good-naturedly. "Bells, you were kinda disengaged there for a while."

I exhaled into a guilty sigh. "Yeah, I was..." I admitted before I snapped my head up with piqued interest. "Ok, well you're gonna have to fill me in on it all now."

His grin broadened, before he shrugged again, embarrassed. "I dunno. She's cool—and we have a lot in common, ya know? She's really into mechanics, like me."

I nodded, my grin growing teasing.

He nudged me, his face flooding deeper. "Bells ... come on..."

"Well ... is this … _thing_ mutual?"

He took a heavy breath, his eyes conflicted. "That I don't know—maybe. But, I didn't know what I wanted with Nessie, and my head was kinda all over the place, ya know?"

"I completely get that, Jake. My head is all over the place most of the times, these days," I confessed, scoffing humourlessly.

Jake didn't reply, and I found myself becoming lost in thought, only to be broken out of it as he nudged me again.

"Reckon you and Edward will make it, Bells?" he asked.

My eyes rose to meet his; they were sincere. I smiled at him warmly, before answering behind a huge, weary-filled sigh. "Whether we will make it or not isn't the right question with us. For me it's whether Edward will be annexed to my soul for the rest of my life."

He grinned full of cynical amusement. "Jeez, Bells, that's pretty corny for you."

I laughed lightly, dryly. "I know, but since Australia ... I don't know ... I have this connection with him that I'm not sure was exactly voluntary."

His brow bunched and the longer he gazed at me the more dubious his expression became. "Bells ... you think too much—and _everyone_ knows Cullen is an uptight asshole. The two of you just need to seriously chill."

I opened my mouth to reply, before stopping myself and breaking into a short, ironic laugh.

In one sentence Jacob had completely defined me and Edward. If he got it, why the hell couldn't I—why couldn't Edward?

Maybe the right question really was: were me and Edward going to make it?

* * *

**A/N: Nessie and Jake-did anyone see that coming? I didn't!**

**Thanks for reading. Leave a review if you want, if not, see you for the very end.**  
**:)**


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